V
"Regulus, no. Don't you even- Reg! For fuck's sake, come back here!" Barty stormed after him out of the room. Regulus didn't care to look at him, he just grabbed his coat and reached out for the door handle. He was stopped in his actions, however, by Barty's hand on his wrist. "You're not going out of this house until you promise you won't go."
Their years at Hogwarts ended a month ago, meaning they were now full time death eaters. For the three of them, it meant more meetings and more suppressing their morals. Though, the meetings were useful for Regulus at least in one thing. He found out about horcruxes.
Multiple times, he overheard the Dark Lord talking about his immortality, about being indestructible. Regulus wasn't stupid, he knew he couldn't be immortal without a catch. He started researching more about this topic. They had a lot of books about black magic at home, and finally it came to be useful to him. He started making a list of possible items the Dark Lord could have made into his horcruxes. He wrote down all the locations which seemed to be significant to the Dark Lord, as well as people who he seemed to trust.
That's how he retrieved the diary. He granted a visit to one of his cousins, Narcissa, knowing her husband is one of the Dark Lord's most loyal worshipers. He took a look at their library, thoroughly studying all of the books or any special items. He knew Narcissa and her husband well enough to know where they would hide something as precious as this. Lucius wouldn't hide it, he would put it in a place where anyone could see it, so that no one would suspect its true value. Once he discovered a blank-paged diary, he knew he had found what he was looking for. Regulus took it and burnt it. He destroyed the first horcrux.
Regulus knew finding the other horcruxes wouldn't be as easy. He was aware of the dangers, yet he was willing to risk his life for this. He wanted to be free. Free from the Dark Lord, just as much as from his family. He was willing to leave everything behind in order to destroy the horcruxes, which is exactly what he did.
He planned on leaving unnoticed, he despised the idea of having to say goodbye to his friends. But mostly, he knew they'd want to join him if he told them his plan, which he could not have. What he was planning to do was dangerous, he would never forgive himself if one of his friends died because of him.
He asked Pandora to take care of Dandelion for some time, claiming it wasn't safe for her in his house anymore. She believed him, she didn't have a reason not to. She knew what it was like for him at home. Regulus thought he had the hardest part of leaving behind him. However, Barty found him packing, which of course led to many questions. So now he was at Barty's house, internally going through all of the possibilities of getting him not to go with him.
Barty's grip on him was tight, he wouldn't get out without a fight or a promise. Regulus wasn't really fond of either of the options. He sighed and turned to face Barty. "You know I can't do that."
Barty's eyes were glossy. Was he about to cry? Regulus didn't have him for such a softie. "Then I'll go with you."
Regulus looked away and shook his head. "No, Barty-"
"Reg, just- just stop and listen to me for once, okay?" Barty let go of his hand. "If you want to defeat him, I won't stop you. But let me, please, help you. I don't want you to be on your own in this." Barty spoke so softly, he nearly convinced Regulus.
"I… I can't let you do that. It's dangerous," he objected.
"That's exactly why I wanna go with you! Just think about it, you won't make it alone," Barty begged. "You gotta admit you could use some help with this," he grinned.
Regulus tugged at his hair in frustration. "But not if it would cost me your life!"
Barty went silent. "I'd rather if it was my life than yours," he whispered.
Regulus lowered his head as he bit the insides of his cheeks. He walked closer to him and gently caressed his hands. "Alright, you can come." Barty beamed at him at that. "Only once, though. Then you'll go home, and I'll carry on by myself," he continued.
Barty started nodding. "Yes, okay. I'll leave you to it," he said as he smiled. He approached him and caged him in a warm hug, then. "You can count on me, Reggie."
Regulus hummed in response. "Just promise me you won't die."
Barty scoffed. "Who do you have me for? I'm indestructible."
Barty, in fact, did not leave after they destroyed the second horcrux. Regulus nearly hexed him, just to convince him to leave. Yet, his best friend insisted on staying and helping him finish it. They traveled to places they had never been to together, in hopes to find a clue. A clue to defeating the Dark Lord. They were gone for weeks, not really stopping for breaks. Once, they nearly got caught, as they intruded the Gringotts bank. If it weren't for Barty, Regulus would be long dead. The man really saved his life. Though Regulus didn't admit it, he felt ashamed even thinking about it, but he was glad Barty stayed. He was worried about his best friend, but he did appreciate the company. Without him, he would have gone mad.
Regulus knew horcruxes could affect their state of mind the longer they kept them, most of black magic had the impact, so they tried destroying them as soon as they found them. The hardest, nearly impossible, to destroy was Marvolo Gaunt's ring. They didn't have enough time to destroy it as soon as they obtained it, so Regulus just put it on his finger as they escaped. Later, when they tried to break it, something kept Regulus weak. He couldn't destroy it no matter how hard he tried. As if he didn't want to, even though he knew he did. They decided to keep it and pass on to the next horcrux. The Salazar Slytherin's locket.
They apparated to a seaside. The sea was restlessly thrusting its waves into the shore, as the wind messed with the boys' hair. They approached the cave, cautious of any dangers that might await them. They walked around it a little, they couldn't find a way in.
Barty hissed from behind him. "You alright there?" Regulus called.
Barty nodded. "Yeah, just a little scratch." They both jumped back, then, as the rocks began to move, revealing an entrance into the cave. Barty's blood allowed them a way in. They shared an unsure look before stepping in.
The cave was dark, they couldn't see anything but the pitch black surrounding them. Regulus casted a source of light from the tip of his wand. It wasn't as light as it was supposed to be. His magic was much weaker in the cave. He sent the skein of light flying across the cave, revealing a little island surrounded by opaque water.
"Accio horcrux," Barty's voice echoed through the cave. Regulus rolled his eyes at him and his naivety. They could see the magic from Barty's wand fly above the water, until a bony limb reached out and snatched it. Regulus let out a surprised gasp. They're gonna have to fight that creature in the water.
Barty walked by the edge of the lake. He bent down and reached out his hand into the water. The same arm grasped his wrist and began to tug him into the lake.
Regulus ran to his side and dragged him back to the shore. "Are you fucking mental?" he hissed.
"I felt something down there," Barty panted.
"Obviously, it nearly killed you."
"No, I mean… It was like a chain or something," Barty elaborated as he kept staring at the water.
Regulus followed his gaze. This time, he was the one to approach the lake. He hovered his hand above the water. He could feel magic in the air. A large chain sprang out of the lake abruptly, right into his hand. It caught him by surprise, he couldn't maintain his balance and fell to the ground, still clutching the metal in his hand.
He shared a look with Barty and started pulling the chain. A boat emerged to the surface. Barty helped him pull it all the way to the shore.
Barty let out a breathy laugh. "I'm a fucking genius."
"You are?" Regulus frowned.
"Wasn't I the one to put my hand at risk just to find it?" Barty teased. Regulus only rolled his eyes at him, as he approached the vessel. He carefully got into the boat, trying not to set foot in the water. He made himself comfortable on the small seat, as he waited for Barty to get on as well. Barty, however, stopped right before the boat.
"The fuck are you waiting for? Get in, we don't have the whole night," Regulus urged him.
"I can't," Barty muttered. "I can't get in, something's refraining me." Barty stared at the vessel intensely, as he tried to figure out what might be causing the problem, while Regulus' gaze was fixated on the latter's eyes. Barty seemed to get it at the same time as Regulus. He looked up suddenly, locking their eyes. "No. No, not this again."
"Barty, it's the only way-"
"We're not having this conversation again, Reg! Either I'm coming with you or you stay right here," he snapped. "You're not going there, not alone. You don't know what's in there, it might hurt you and I won't be there to help you."
Regulus was already clutching the paddle. "I don't care. I'm going."
"Reg, you- ugh!" Barty grabbed a handful of small rocks and threw them in Regulus' direction, as the other tried to get away. Regulus stopped to rub his sore temple and turned around to lock gazes with Barty. The other man seemed deep in thoughts, nearly peaceful, contrasting with the raging mess he was just a second ago. Barty's eyes flicked to the lake, then back to Regulus. His eyes looked glossy and full of sparks, just like the Black lake on a starry night. He averted his gaze to the ground and nodded slowly, almost painfully. "Okay, you go. I'll have your back from over here," he gave him a weak smile.
Regulus immediately nodded and started paddling again. Not much later he was by the small island. He stood up and stepped onto the ground, cautious not to disturb the lake creatures. There was a bowl full of some kind of potion, it seemed. He stopped in his way to take in the scene before him. There's the horcrux, right in that bowl. He approached it. There was a smaller utensil laying on the edge of the bowl. And then, right in that moment, Regulus understood. He had to drink it.
He glanced at Barty across the lake. His whole figure was glowing because of the light emerging from the tip of his wand. What if this was the last time he saw him? He had to take him in, had to remember all of the small details about him. He can't forget.
He reached out for the bowl and with a sharp inhale, he took the first sip. The potion immediately blindened his senses, not allowing him to taste the liquid on his tongue. He drank some more. He felt a loud pang in his head. He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his hands into fists at the dizziness. Another sip, another pang. This time, he could feel it deep in his stomach. He could feel the magic engulfing him from the inside. It consumed him.
Regulus felt like his insides were on fire. He felt as if he was being decomposed alive, as if his organs began to give up. Soon he realized the magic didn't feel much different from the cruciatus curse. The same sharp stabbing in his guts, the same dull pain in the back of his head. He was familiar with this pain, he could fight it. His whole body was aching after a couple of more drinks. The magic in the liquid made him relive all of his bad memories. It brought out the worst of him.
The pain traveled from the tip of his tongue all the way to his knees, making him fall to the ground. He was shaking, when he reached out and grasped the bowl. He forced himself to drink some more. He had to, he needed to take the horcrux. But, oh, it hurt so bad. Not just the pain in his joints. The memories hurt much more. Regulus saw his brother leave him again, he left him with their abusive family again. He had to put up with the pressure, with the painful ways his parents managed to hurt him again. And for a moment, he could feel blood dripping down his thighs, just the same way it did that one winter evening. Even though it's been years, he still bears the same pain.
When he reached out for the bowl again, he found the potion was no longer there. He stood up shakily and beamed down at the locket. He did it.
"Barty, I've got it!" Regulus called out, his voice cracking mid sentence. His throat felt dry, like he'd spent weeks in a desert. He held his wand shakily and casted aguamenti into the bowl, yet nothing happened. The bowl remained empty. He turned around and slowly approached the lake, when he heard Barty's voice.
"Reg, don't! Go into the boat and come back here. Don't do anything I didn't tell you to."
His voice felt so close, as if he was right beside him. Regulus barely saw his silhouette, though. He was alone. He bent down towards the water.
"Don't! Come back here, now," Barty spoke again.
Regulus turned towards Barty's voice, spotting the boat. He needed to leave immediately, but he just felt so thirsty. He crawled to the edge of the land. His sweater was covered in dirt and soaking wet. It was the same sweater James gave him on his last day at Hogwarts. He wanted to die with at least a memory of James with him.
He crawled into the boat and took a hold of the paddle. Every bone in his body screamed in protest as he tried to get to the other side of the lake. His whole body was on fire by the time he managed to reach the land, he felt like his blood was boiling inside of him. He stumbled out of the boat, where Barty catched him. He took his arm and threw it around his neck, while his own supported Regulus' back and helped him out of the cave.
Barty apparated them away from the seaside. He sat Regulus down as he carried his cheek. "It's okay, it's over now," He whispered. "Do you have the locket?"
Regulus raised his arm to touch the locket hanging around his neck, only to be met with… nothing. The locket was not there. His eyes widened. He searched his pockets in hopes he just put it elsewhere, yet he couldn't find it no matter where he looked. He didn't take the locket.
Barty held his wrists to try and stop him from moving around so much. "Reg, hey, stop. You're still weak, you should rest." He took off his jacket and put it on the ground, so Regulus could lay on top of it. "I'm not mad, it's okay. I'll come back for it."
Regulus didn't feel strong enough to open his eyes, but he felt Barty's palms on his cold cheeks. He leaned into the touch.
"I will destroy it. I'll end it, Reg," Barty's voice was shaking.
"But, Barty… That can kill you. That will kill you. It took the two of us to destroy all of the other horcruxes, you can't do it alone," Regulus tried opening his eyes once more. He managed to blink a couple of times, enough to see Barty's tear stained face.
Barty looked away.
Oh.
Oh.
"No, Barty. You can't."
Regulus gathered all of the strength left in his body to pull himself up and hold onto Barty by his neck.
"Hey, it's alright. It was teamwork, right? You drank the potion, so now's time for my move," Barty whispered. Regulus could feel his breath on his lips.
"That's not how it works!" He cried out. "You can't just go and die in there, Barty. You can't just leave me! You can't leave me alone." It was hard, trying to talk through the sobs and tears that filled his mouth in an instant. But he couldn't just give up, not on Barty.
"I love you," Regulus whispered.
Barty smiled at him sadly. "You don't, Reggie. You know you don't."
"Don't say that! Don't say that as if you know me better than I do!" Regulus hit his chest. He hit it again and again. He was so mad at him.
"Hey, Reg. Hey," he held his wrists to stop his movements. It didn't stop Regulus from trying. "Don't make me do it," Barty's eyes were full of tears. Regulus just now noticed the wand in his left hand.
He looked up at him hopefully. "Barty… don't," he begged.
"You have to let me go, Reg." He leaned his forehead onto Regulus' and let out a sigh.
"I love you… I love you so much, Reggie." Then, Barty kissed him. It wasn't the first time they'd kissed, of course not, they have done more than just kissing in the past. Yet this time, it felt like it was so much more. Regulus felt like this was the last time he felt Barty's lips on his own. He felt like this was the last time he saw the pain in his eyes when they pulled away.
Barty looked down and took the ring off of his finger. "Can you… Can you give this to Evan for me?" Regulus gazed at the jewelry. It was a matching ring Evan had given to Barty on his birthday. He wore it everyday ever since. He never took it off. "Please," Barty begged. His eyes were full of unshed tears, threatening to fall. Regulus took the ring into his shaky hand and put it on. Barty smiled.
"I'm sorry," was the last thing he said. "Oblivio."
Barty whispered the word with so much tenderness, like a love confession. If he didn't know what it meant, he would be touched by it. But he couldn't.
It didn't feel like Regulus imagined. It was slower, much slower. The process was dragging for what felt like hours. He could see each of the memories he'd ever made with Barty. He could relive them once more, before they disappeared completely.
Regulus got to know Barty once more. He learnt every little detail about him again. He laughed at his jokes and frowned at the stupid decisions he made again. He loved him again, stronger than ever. Because he knew, this would be the last time he'll ever feel his love for Barty. The last time his name will linger on his mind. The last time his fingers twitched at the lack of the boy underneath them. He was losing him. And there was nothing, nothing he could do about it.
Barty simply ceased to exist in Regulus' world.
Regulus woke up hours later. The sun was already setting, he'd slept for a whole day. His head was pounding as he sat up. Before he could process what was happening or where he was, he felt the insides of his stomach coming up his throat. He bent down and clenched his fingers around the grass. He wiped his mouth and carefully stood up. He was shaking from the cold. He reached down and grabbed the jacket he had recently slept on. It seemed familiar, but he couldn't quite place it.
He quickly searched his pockets and sighed in relief when he found his wand. He wanted to apparate away, but he didn't want to go home. So he didn't.
"Where the fuck were you?" Evan snapped, right when Regulus entered the room.
Regulus didn't answer, since he actually didn't know. He couldn't remember the last few hours. His mind was a blur.
Evan's gaze then flicked lower, down to his hand. The shiny ring on his forefinger couldn't go unnoticed, though Regulus just now realized he had it on. Evan's eyes went wide. "What happened?" He asked, strangely calm. Regulus stayed silent. "I asked, what the fuck happened!" Ah, there it was.
"How am I supposed to know?!" Regulus shouted back. "I don't remember shit," he combed his fingers through his hair and walked over to the cupboard, pulling out a bottle of whisky.
Evan walked over to him and grabbed the bottle. He held it out of Regulus' reach, to which the raven head frowned. "What do you remember, then?" His voice was still sharp. "And where is Barty?"
Regulus scrunched his nose. "Who?" The name felt familiar, especially when he himself spoke it. Barty, Barty… He knew this person, he knows that much, but who is he?
Evan's eyes went wide. "What the fuck do you mean by that, Reg?" He wasn't screaming anymore, his voice was meek again. He put the bottle down on the counter. Regulus took advantage of that and poured himself a glassful. "Where is he?"
Regulus swallowed and put the glass down. "I literally have no idea." He held eye contact with him as he spoke.
Evan's jaw was clenched in frustration. He squeezed his eyes shut. "Kurwa!" He pierced his fist through the cupboard. Tears have gathered in his eyes, making them shine in the dark room. Regulus sipped from his whisky, as he watched the tears roll down his face. "Nie, nie… To nie może być prawda," Evan sobbed. He turned his back to Regulus, he always did when he cried. Regulus appreciated that, he hated to see people cry. Not that it made him emotional, no. It just made him uncomfortable. Though this time, he didn't even understand what made his friend sob like this.
Evan suddenly turned around and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Reg, tell me you're just joking. Tell me you're not serious."
Regulus stared into his glistening eyes. His own softened at the realisation this Barty must've been really important to Evan. "Why would I be joking, Ev? I really don't know what you're talking about." His voice was tender as he spoke, contrasting with the usual bitter tone he used.
Evan inhaled deeply, then made eye contact with him again. "Barty. Our best friend?" He tried again, hopefully staring into Regulus' eyes, though to no avail. "That sod who always gets on your nerves?" The corner of his mouth twitched with a grin. It looked silly, since the tears were still covering his cheeks. "The bloke we both slept with?" His voice trembled as he tried not to sob.
Regulus smiled sadly and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Ev. I really don't know…"
Evan squeezed his eyes shut. He barked a laugh. "So he really did it, didn't he?" He shook his head. He still hoped he was wrong. "Ten skurwysyn," he scoffed.
Regulus rubbed his eyes. "Ev, I'm really tired. Can I sleep a little in your room? We can talk later."
Evan nodded. "Yeah, yeah. You know the way."
Regulus drank the remains of his glass and made his way upstairs, into his friend's bedroom. "Night," he called behind to Evan.
Regulus fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Evan stayed in the kitchen for the rest of the night, too restless to sleep, yet too exhausted to move.