Stars Will Fall

James always believed in love at first sight. He remembers the exact moment he saw Lily for the first time. her crimson hair, emerald eyes, freckles shining up her face like stars in the night sky. It was also the exact moment he fell in love with her. All he wanted was to make sure she was happy and loved. He wanted to protect her from all the bad in this cruel world. He knew he would always love her. it had always been her, no one else. 

Until he saw Regulus.

1st September 1972

The first time he met him, he was in his second year. He got onto the train together with Remus, Peter sprinting after them, trying to catch up. When they found Sirius, he was sitting next to a grumpy looking smaller version of him. James had to take a second to make sure they're two different people. They looked so alike. He must had stared a little too long, as he noticed the smaller boy's silver eyes staring directly into his. It was as if he was looking right into his soul.

James' cheeks turned bright pink and he quickly averted his gaze elsewhere.

"Oh, James!" Sirius turned to them with a wide grin and stood up. James smiled and went in for a side hug. "How was your summer, mate? I haven't seen you in ages!" 

"Lovely to see you too, Sirius," Remus let his luggage fall on the floor and sat opposite from them, next to the raven haired boy. Sirius only smirked at him, as Peter, too, entered the compartment and sat by the other side of the stranger.

James cleared his throat, bringing attention to himself, wordlessly asking Sirius about the stranger in front of them. "Oh, I apologize for being so impolite. Lads, this is my brother, Regulus. It's his first year at Hogwarts." Regulus remained silent, eyeing James, face emotionless.

"Uh, I'm James. Pleasure to meet you," he leaned in, propping up his hand to shake Regulus'. The other looked at him skeptically, eventually lifting up his own hand and shaking his. He felt cold, and his hand felt so little compared to his.

He never forgot the look in his eyes. The pale eye bags under them. He was so young, yet he felt like his soul had lived many lifetimes before this one, everytime he stared into his eyes. 

He smiled at him.

January 1973

The second time they met, they bumped into each other and, limbs tangled, fell to the ground. 

James was in apparent rush, on his way to his potions class. He was trying to tie his tie, as he seemed to have lost track of time and got out of quidditch practice quite late. He was too distracted to register the sound of nearing steps echoing through the hall as he turned the corridor. He came to a sudden stop as he crashed into someone, making them lose balance and, reflexively, trying to hold onto him to keep themselves from falling. Instead, they both went down together. 

James stifled the fall at the last second, holding himself up with his hands on either side of Regulus' head. 

His eyes widened, immediately trying to pull himself together and get up. "Merlin, I'm so sorry," he held out his hand for Regulus to help him get up. Regulus frowned, standing up by himself, rejecting his help. "Are you hurt? Shit, you look hurt. Do you need me to get someone? Sirius?" 

"I don't need anyone," Regulus muttered, getting quickly past James. 

"Wait!" James catched up with him, standing in front of him to stop him from walking away. "You're holding your head. Did you hit it when I..?" he let his words hang in the air between them, not trying to finish his sentence. 

"Why do you care?" Regulus sighed, looking at him with the gaze that couldn't tell him anything his heart held. 

"Well I- It was my fault, yeah? So I feel obliged to take care of you," he gave him a warm smile. He lifted his hand, reaching up to Regulus' wrist. "Now, let me see the damage I've done."

And Regulus lets him. He allowed himself to get dragged to sit down and get taken care of. Turned out, it wasn't anything serious, but it got him a great migraine, so James tried to somehow fix, at least, that. And he managed to. Well, at least that's what Regulus told him to end the boy's suffering, trying to remember the right spell for this situation.

"Ahm, well, I'd rather go now. Don't want you to miss any more of the class," he turned to leave, but came to a halt when he heard Regulus speak up.

"Wait."

James turned around, giving him a smile, encouraging him to say whatever he meant to say.

Instead, Regulus made his way closer to him, stopping so close in front of him. He took his tie in his hands and skillfully tied it. He kept his hand on his chest for a moment, before wordlessly turning around and leaving James alone in the silence of the castle. 

James didn't know why, but butterflies began to form in his stomach and fill him with this warm feeling that he just couldn't describe.

March 1973

Next time they bumped into each other, it was no accident.

James couldn't stop thinking about the last time he saw regulus. he couldn't stop thinking about the way he looked at him. He needed to see him again. Fortunately for him, he had the right equipment for it. Or, well, Remus had. 

He was walking down the stairs, not paying attention to anything but the map in his hands, his eyes on one particular pair of steps. He grinned, seeing Regulus walking up the staircase towards him, unaware of James' little plan. 

He quietly cleared out the map and put it into the pocket of his robe. He tried to keep a straight face as he turned the corridor, nearly pushing the poor boy down the stairs. He caught him last second, one hand on his waist and the other on his back, making sure he wouldn't get hurt. He swiftly switched their positions, now with Regulus being higher on the staircase. 

"Oh my god, I'm SO sorry!" Regulus just stood there, eyes wide, since he nearly got his neck broken just moments ago. "We just keep bumping into each other," James chuckled, his hand scratching on his nape.

"Why do you keep following me?"

Regulus' question caught James off guard. He, himself, didn't know the answer. 

"Huh? Uh no- no I don't, I just- it was an accident," James panicked, desperately trying to explain himself.

"I see you staring at me everytime we're in the same room. Why?"

Once again, James was at a loss of words. Did he really stare at him that much? He didn't really notice. 

"Well I- you're Sirius' little brother, and since I'm his best friend, I suppose I just feel the need to keep you safe. I mean, me and Sirius are something like brothers, which makes us- hey, where are you going?" James scurried behind him, trying to keep up with him. 

"Away from your bullshit," Regulus replied, unbothered.

"Oh, that's not really a pretty language for someone your age."

"What do you want?" Regulus stopped abruptly. He was looking at James with his typical, not-telling-a-thing eyes, demanding an answer. He raised his eyebrows, his appearance as a whole making James feel small. 

Regulus shook his head after a minute of silence, and once again, left James alone and confused.

22rd September 1973

In Regulus' second year, James' third, he joined the Slytherin quidditch team.

Everyone was expecting it, he's always been good at flying, so it was just a matter of time. And they weren't wrong. Regulus was the best seeker Slytherin's ever had, and probably will have. He's fast, ruthless and determined. All the best qualities for a quidditch player.

All of this was confirmed during his first match against Ravenclaw. James, Sirius and Peter went to watch together, like they often do. They used to go all four of them, James forced them, but Remus stopped going when Gryffindor wasn't playing. James is glad he's supporting at least their house.

The teams walked onto the pitch and the crowd started cheering. James eyed the players, looking for a specific raven head. Their eyes met, butterflies forming in James' stomach and making his cheeks flush red. He averted his gaze and when he finally got the courage to look back, Regulus was already looking elsewhere.

The game started. Everyone was really into it, giving it their best. And James had to admit, Regulus was really good. More then, even. Regulus could actually beat him in quidditch, which not many people could do. 

For the rest of the match, James' eyes only ever saw Regulus. Everyone else was just a blur to him. He was simply mesmerized.

Sirius started nudging at his shoulder and when he snapped out of it, he found that everyone was already getting ready to leave. The others just laughed at how confused he seemed. As they were leaving, James stayed behind, insisting for the others to just keep going.

Once Sirius was out of reach, he called out Regulus' name, running up to him. The raven head clearly noticed him, yet still kept walking away.

"Hey, Reg!" James panted as he caught up with him. "Y'all totally nailed it to them today"

Regulus side-eyed him. "We didn't win, Potter," he declared, looking slightly amused.

"Oh"

Didn't they? James would swear that they did. But then again, he was too busy following Regulus' every move to notice.

"Still, you were great. I would love to play against you," he shrugged.

"I would crush you."

"I know. Worth the shot," James smiled innocently.

The younger sighed. "What do you want, Potter?" he now stopped walking and was staring holes in his eyes.

"I- just congratulate you?" It was more of a question, since he himself had still not figured out the answer.

Regulus rolled his eyes. "Fuck off, Potter," he walked away.

James was left confused.

4th November 1974

A year passed. James still didn't know what he wanted from Regulus. James still hadn't gotten over his crush on Lily.

He still tried to impress her, just so she would reciprocate his feelings. Yet nothing happened. Yes, she did tolerate him a bit more, maybe even began to like him a little, but still not in the way he'd wanted. Nothing he did seemed to get to her. And he began to think, that maybe it wasn't just about her anymore. That maybe, the fault was just in him.

So, James came to the conclusion that he must simply not be enough. And he can't allow that. So he was gonna make himself enough. No matter what.

He tried changing his hairstyle, which only made him realize he doesn't look good with straight hair. He changed his clothes choice, multiple times, going from vintage all the way to punk. He tried to approach Lily differently. He tried giving her compliments, gifts, serenading her in the great hall, yet nothing worked. He had to go deeper, much deeper. He began to notice little things about himself more, whenever he passed a mirror. Was it the acne? He rarely even had any, though. Was it because his skin was a bit darker? No, that's not it, Lily isn't like that. But maybe... maybe it wasn't about the colour, but shape. Maybe, he just wasn't thin enough. So, he decided he had to lose weight. Because what else was there to change? He tried everything. 

He changed his routine; wake up at six, work out, shower, breakfast, school, work out, study, dinner and sleep. But it still wasn't enough. So, he changed it again. Wake up at six, work out, shower, school, work out, study, dinner and sleep. Not enough. Wake up at five, work out, shower, school, take a nap, study and sleep. And he took it so far, woke up so early and ate so little, that he simply could not function like this anymore. He collapsed.

Once in charms, after a week and something of no food at all, he felt just so dizzy. Black spots danced around the room, blocking his vision. He felt as if someone was hitting his head over and over, not willing to stop no matter how much he begged. He stood up, feeling all the eyes of the room on him, his brain as if melting away, pouring down his spine. The black spots took over, blocking his vision completely. The hitting stopped with one final thud, stronger than any other. 

He couldn't remember what happened next. Just that he woke up in the hospital wing, with the worst headache. He heard hushed voices talking in the corner of the room, though he felt too weak to lift his head and look up.

"Hey, Siri, he's awake," he heard Peter's voice echo through the room.

"James!" Sirius' steps ringed towards him, coming to a halt beside his bed, when long arms snaked around him. He melted into the hug, and as he was getting more comfortable, Sirius abruptly pulled away and hit him on the nape.

"Ah! What the fuck?" James rubbed his sore neck.

"Don't you dare look hurt right now! Do you know how much you scared us?" James eyed his friends one by one, all looking equally hurt. 

"We talked with Madame Pomfrey..." Peter explained.

"You know you can talk to us, right? You don't have to choke it inside you," Remus countered.

James lowered his gaze down to his hands. "Yeah, I'm sorry..."

"Oh come on here, you idiot!" Sirius sobbed and brought him in for a hug, Peter and Remus joining in soon after. James felt safer than ever with them. They were his family, and he was theirs.

"Boys, come on off him!" Madame Pomfrey walked in, "He's still weak. We don't want him to faint again, now, do we?" 

With groans, the three boys climbed off of James' bed, rolling their eyes along the way.

"How are you feeling, sweetheart? Your head still hurts?" Madame Pomfrey approached him and he showed her a small smile.

"No, it's much better now."

"Still, drink this! Will make you feel better," she handed him a cup filled with pinkish liquid. He eyed it skeptically, before drinking it. He made a disgusted face and put the cup on the nightstand.

"When was the last time you've eaten? You look so thin, sweetheart," she continued as she stood up to grab a plate with rice and some meat on it, carefully passing it to him.

"Uh, I..." James scratched his nape, trying to look for an answer. His eyes wandered off to Sirius, who was looking at him stricken. "It's been just a couple days..."

"A couple days? Oh, sweetheart. Come, come, eat up. You must be starving," she ushered him. James looked down at the meal. He grabbed the fork and knife, cutting a piece of meat. He stared at it for a moment. Can he...? He's worked so hard on this, he's spent all of his energy on this. Can he just throw it away this easily? 

He looked up, seeing Madame Pomfrey and his best friends, full of hope. He doesn't want to, but they look so hurt. He didn't want them to worry, so he took a bite. And another, and another one. It took him a while, but most of the meal was eventually gone. This time when he looked up, he saw them looking at him with pride. He gave them a little smile, though he didn't see anything about himself to be proud of.

"Here, let me put this away," Madame Pomfrey took the plate from him. She then took the cup laying next to his bed and filled it with water. James appreciatively took it from her. 

"I have to go to the loo's," he said after a minute, then stood up and left the room. Once he was alone, he slided down the wall. He felt so drained. He felt disgusting. He had to get rid of it. Whatever this feeling was, he had to get rid of it.

So he did the only thing that made sense in this situation. He got rid of it. He got it out.

8th November 1974

James spent four full days in the hospital wing. He had to beg Madame Pomfrey to let him go already, that he felt alright and full of energy now. Though it was obviously a lie, she let him. On a late friday night, around eleven o'clock, he came into the Gryffindor common room, through the hole in the portrait. There weren't many people awake at this time, though there was one familiar redhead sitting in front of the fireplace with a book in her hands. James didn't have the energy to get rejected again, so he just went straight for the stairs. However, Lily had other plans.

"James?" she called out, making him stop and turn around to face her. "Hey, you're back," she put the book down, now, and stood up to be closer to him. 

"Yeah, well... gonna annoy you with my face everyday again."

She muffled a laugh. "Are you feeling better?" she looked concerned.

"Yeah, yeah. Much better now," he faked a small smile. He didn't want her to worry.

She nodded and was about to turn back to her book, when James decided to ask the fateful question.

"Why don't you like me?"

Lily's eyes widened a little, not having expected this sort of question tonight.

"Sorry?"

He cleared his throat. "I mean, I did everything I could. I'm trying really hard, Lily. I didn't do anything wrong, did I?" he flicked his gaze down, to the ground. 

"No. no, James, you did not," she sighed.

"Then why am I still not enough for you?" he whispered.

"James you're- you are enough. It's not anything you do that's at fault."

He barked a laugh. "So what you're saying is, it's not me it's you, right? Because I can't help but think that the only one at fault here is me."

"James, stop. That's not what I-"

"Then what is it, Lily?" he interrupted her. "What is this all about? Because it's obviously hurting the both of us!"

He looked anywhere but into her eyes. He couldn't, while being this honest.

"I'm a lesbian," she breathed out.

James' breath hitched. He blinked a couple of times rapidly, before making eye contact with her, searching for any sort of clue. Is she really...? 

Tears were starting to well up in her eyes, making them all glossy and beautiful. She tried to muffle a sob, when James snapped out of whatever trance he was in and shifted closer to cage her in a tight hug.

"No, Lily, don't cry. It's alright. It's absolutely okay for you to be a lesbian. We all deserve to love whomever we want, right?" he whispered into her ear, rocking them from side to side a little. He rubbed circles onto her back soothingly.

After a couple minutes, the sobs silenced and Lily was not shaking anymore.

"I'm sorry," she began, once she put some space between them. "You are enough, James. just... not for me."

James showed her the genuine smile of his, which could lead one's way in the dark. "I know. I'm sorry, too. It must've been quite annoying, having me chasing after you all these years." She nodded. They both burst out laughing, still holding onto each other.

"Friends?" Lily asked hesitantly after a moment of silence.

"Friends," he nodded.

That night, James fell asleep happier than ever. Because maybe he didn't have Lily in the way he'd always wished, but he had something more. He had her as a friend, which was so much better than having her as anything else. He was enough.

December 1974

Ever since their little chat that night, James was overthinking. A girl can love a girl. One can love a person of the same gender. It wasn't that he didn't understand this, he just never thought of it before. Does it mean that a boy can also love a boy? Does this mean he can love a boy? He started to put it all together. The affection he's felt towards Regulus… What if it wasn't just curiosity? He put one puzzle piece to another. And suddenly, it all made sense. He likes Regulus Black. He likes Regulus. He finally realized. He felt as if he could reach out and hold the stars, cradle them close to his heart. He wanted to give them all to Regulus.

He still had Lily in his heart, but his affection towards her had shifted. After she confessed, it was easier for him to accept the rejection and move on. He's never felt as free.

But after the joy from realization passed, James began to panic. He likes Sirius' little brother. He knew if Sirius ever finds out, he's a dead man. Ever since Sirius left home, the way he talked about his brother… Well, it wasn't exactly reeking of brotherly love. Sometimes James thought he even hated him. But then again, how could he. Regulus is still his brother, right? There must be at least a tiny bit of affection between them. 

Nonetheless, no matter how much affection James Potter held towards Regulus, he was sure Regulus didn't feel the same. Everytime he saw him staring at him, his gaze was filled with hatred. And something more, he just couldn't make out. At first, he thought Regulus was looking at Sirius, but the more he paid attention, the more confirmation he got. Regulus Black hated him. No one's ever hated James, it just simply wasn't possible. And James couldn't just let it go.

James took his invisibility cloak, snatched the map from Remus' nightstand and sneaked out of their dorm. Regulus was on the astronomy tower, alone. James carefully walked in, trying hard not to make a sound. He came to a halt just a few steps away from Regulus, who was facing the stars, away from him. He was wearing just his white button down shirt. James could see goosebumps beginning to form on his forearms. He wanted to step in and pass him his jumper, but he didn't want to scare the boy. 

James didn't even notice when Regulus started talking. He didn't notice how much time passed, how long he was standing there. All his mind could comprehend was Regulus' voice. His words, the way he spoke, the emotions in his voice. Regulus directed his words to the stars. He spoke with such ease and honesty. James was mesmerized. 

Regulus talked about his family, how he feared the upcoming holidays. He mentioned his Slytherin friends, Barty and Evan, and their families. They seemed to have some issues as well. Maybe it was running in the Slytherin blood, having a shitty family. He talked about his brother, about their relationship before and now. At some point, he mentioned James. And to his own surprise, Regulus didn't hate him. Regulus himself said it. 

"I blame him for Sirius. I blame him for being a better brother to him that I ever could. But I can't hate him… Merlin, it's just impossible," Regulus laughed in disbelief. 

And this alone was enough to make James smile. Regulus didn't hate him. He did feel bad for what Regulus said about Sirius, but that was between the two of them. He couldn't really do anything about it. For now, it was enough. Regulus didn't hate him, and he could work with that.

That night was the first time James actually saw Regulus for who he is.

March 1975

James was slowly healing. He still did often skip meals, but it was much better than before. It was still hard for him to accept he's enough as he is, but he had people to remind him. His friends, parents. They did everything in their powers to make James feel enough. Sirius even woke up earlier many times to make sure James had breakfast. Peter often brought him snacks when he was too busy practicing or studying, and Remus was sure to tell him when he was overworking himself. He often had to drag him from the quidditch pitch, as he claimed he had to practise more, had to be better. Sometimes James said some mean stuff to them, in the heat of the moment, but he was sure to apologize once he cooled down. He was on the right track.

Him and Lily became much closer over time, bonding over their shared interest in liking the same gender. He told Lily how he felt attracted to not just girls, but boys as well, and Lily told him about her crush on Mary MacDonald. He knew Mary, she was a nice girl. Though he still assured her if Mary ever hurt her, he'd be sure to send her a strongly worded howler. Lily later confessed she might not like only girls, she just didn't think it was possible to like both. She liked a girl, so she thought she was a lesbian. James was, to her surprise, glad she was like him. She was apparently scared he would be mad that she lied, but James saw it differently. He knew she didn't lie, she just didn't know. James was just happy to share these feelings with someone close to him.

As to his little crush on Regulus, he was down bad. He often found himself staring at him in the great hall. He started asking Sirius about their childhood more, hoping to hear about Regulus. This, however, turned their late night conversations into crying sessions. James felt guilty about bringing up his best friend's trauma, but Sirius was there to assure him it wasn't his fault. Sirius eventually did talk about it. Turns out, he hadn't talked about it with anyone ever before. 

Sirius told him all about their parents. What they used to do before they left, and how they hoped they weren't doing the same to Regulus now. She told him how they used to protect their brother, how they tried to keep him safe and failed. Though James didn't think they failed, Sirius tried his best, it was just time for them to put themselves first. Because they both deserve to be happy, and who else would save him if not himself? This, of course, made Sirius burst out crying again, so they just hugged for a moment before continuing with the story. 

Sirius talked about the abuse, about all the things they did to her. James himself felt like crying, hearing all of that. It was truly horrible. What kind of parents would do something like that? 

At some point, Sirius confessed he didn't actually hate his brother. They were just mad at him. Mad at him for being so stupid to stay with their parents. And James couldn't blame Sirius. He didn't see any reason for Regulus to stay with them. Nonetheless, he was glad Sirius didn't hate him. That there was still a chance for the two of them to make up. 

James made himself a promise. He would talk to Regulus, as in an actual conversation, before their fourth year ended. He felt a strong need to comfort him. He wanted to make him feel safe and loved. 

James felt that not lots of people understood Regulus' pain. James himself sometimes didn't understand him, but he tried. Because Regulus deserves to be understood. Many people saw him as a mean, cold and morally gray pure blood. To James, he was more. Yes, Regulus tends to be mean and cold, but he's a good person. He does have morals, he just pretends to not have, so people wouldn't dare get close to him. James can clearly see the mask Regulus wears around people. The mask he puts off each time he's alone with the stars. 

One especially cold night, James couldn't stand just standing by while Regulus was wearing only a thin shirt and some trousers. Also, he began to feel like a creep, sneaking on Regulus like this. He didn't want to intrude Regulus' personal life like this, but he wanted to feel close to him in any way possible. James was being selfish, he was aware. He was also being a coward. Scared to face his own feelings, so he rather hid behind his invisibility cloak. But he was done being a coward. So, he took off his cloak.

He walked in behind Regulus, who seemed to stiffen, as he noticed the presence of another person. 

"Hey," James started, leaning against the railing next to him. He crouched down to pull out a sweater from his bag. "Put this on, you're obviously cold."

James forced the sweater into his hands. Regulus stared at it for a moment. "Why should I?"

"Well, I doubt you want to die from hypothermia. You're too young and pretty to die," James winked at him.

Regulus rolled his eyes, but then proceeded to put the sweater on. James felt butterflies flutter around in his stomach. 

"How did you know I was here?" Regulus asked after minutes of silence, still facing the stars.

"Why do you think I knew? Maybe I just felt like stargazing," James shrugged, a grin creeping up onto his lips. 

Regulus let out a sarcastic laugh. "You obviously did. You brought an extra sweater with you."

"I get cold a lot," James brushed him off again.

"Alright. Why are you here, then?" The younger of the two sighed. He finally looked at him.

"Like I said. I like to stargaze sometimes."

James could see the wariness in his eyes. 

"Bullshit. I never saw you here before."

"Such a pity we always miss each other," James clicked his tongue.

"I come here every night, Potter. I think I would've noticed."

"Maybe you just weren't paying attention."

Regulus measured him with his gaze. James could see the exact moment he realised.

"Oh, fucking hell, I can't believe you stalked me."

James took a step closer to him.

"Wait, no. I didn't stalk you," he insisted. "Let's just say I was enjoying your presence while watching the stars." A certain star named Regulus.

"Well how does that make it any better?" Regulus hissed.

"I- I mean," James was at a loss of words. What was he supposed to say? Please don't be mad, I would literally die for you ? Absolutely not.

"Oh fuck off, perv," Regulus tossed away the sweater James gave him. He was ready to leave, until James caught his wrist.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sneak up on you like that. I just wanted to know whether you hate me," James ventured. They were so close.

"Why did you think I hated you?" Regulus whispered.

"Uh, you weren't exactly looking at me with love," he laughed awkwardly.

Regulus stayed quiet. He was just studying him with his eyes.

"I also want to apologize for something else," James bit down on his lip. "Sirius. I'm sorry if you feel like I stole him away from you, or something. You're still his brother. No matter what happens."

Regulus' face seemed to soften.

"He loves you, trust me," James smiled.

He then let go of his wrist, and proceeded to leave. For the first time, he was the one to leave Regulus alone and confused.

June 1975

James' visits to the astronomy tower became a habit. He sneaked off every night, in hopes his best friend's brother would be there. None of his roommates seemed to notice he was spending the night elsewhere.

James couldn't tell for sure, but he began to think Regulus was getting more comfortable in his presence. He wasn't putting that much of a distance between them anymore, he stopped turning down every conversation James started and even started some on his own. It wasn't much of a progress, but to James it meant the world. 

With Regulus, James felt free. He had realized not only Regulus was wearing a mask, but him as well. He just grew too much into it, he got comfortable in it. Regulus taught him how to put it off. He taught him it's alright to have bad days and not always be bubbly and cheerful. He taught him it's okay to feel other emotions than just the positive ones. 

It was ironic, really, since Regulus didn't know how to put off his own mask. James was helping him with that, too, though it took more time with Regulus than it did with James. It took patience and persistence to get Regulus to trust him. It took months to have Regulus open up to him. But it was all worth it. James didn't regret a second of it. 

When he listened to Regulus talk, it was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. They had so many differences. There were so many things about Regulus he would have hated on anyone else, yet he loved each of them on Regulus. 

"I can't believe you sleep with socks on," Regulus mused in disbelief.

"I can't believe you sleep without them! What if something bites off your feet?" 

"Socks won't protect you from getting them bit off, James," Regulus laughed softly. It was a simple laugh, which Regulus tried to suppress. It was the first time James saw him smile, and he found himself smiling back like an idiot in love.

"I wanna know more about you," James said one night.

"What do you wanna know?" 

"I dunno, anything. Anything about you will amaze me."

"I'm a pretty boring person, James," Regulus scrunched his nose.

"I beg to differ," James grinned mischievously. "What do you enjoy doing, Reggie?" He played with the name on his tongue.

"Read," Regulus answered plainly.

"What do you read?"

"Books."

James scoffed. "Obviously. What else?"

"Why do you wanna know?" Regulus was the one to question now, a pinch of weariness to his voice.

"I'm interested. So?"

Regulus sighed. "I paint."

"Oh, can I see?" James' eyes sparkled with a child's joy.

"No."

James pouted. "What's your favourite season?"

"Autumn."

"Cats or dogs?"

"Cats."

"What's the scar on your wrist from?"

"None of your business."

James clicked his tongue. "Looks serious." He had his eyes fixated on the other's wrist.

"Obviously, it was an open fracture," Regulus' gaze flicked to the scar for a second.

"How did it happen?" James asked hesitantly.

Regulus sighed deeply, but answered his question. "I am naturally left handed. My parents didn't like it."

"Sorry, what?" James didn't know what to say. "Just because you're left handed? Why would they do that?"

"You don't know them, James. They care about the smallest of details."

James grew up in a loving family. Being an only child, he was always spoiled with love and affection. He didn't know what it was like to grow up like his best friend and his brother. He could only imagine what it must have been like. James was so filled with love and empathy, yet he didn't understand why Regulus' parents didn't love them.

James wanted to shower them both with love, just like they deserved.

December 1975

James was fucked. He felt as if history was repeating, which he just couldn't allow. Him and Regulus got closer. He thought maybe Regulus considered him a friend, even. But that was the thing, only a friend. Regulus wasn't sending any signals that would tell James he sees him as something more. He had to act.

He'd asked Lily for some advice. Sirius and Remus were not an option, those two have been pining for years and were too oblivious to even notice. And Peter was the token straight of their group, flirting with a boy is different than with a girl, isn't it? So really, Lily was the only option. She was also the only one who knew about his little gay secret.

"Oh my god, you have a crush!" 

"Shh, not so loud!" James whisper-yelled.

"Sorry," she pretended to lock her lips and throw away the metaphorical key. "Who is it?"

" I, uhm…" Could he tell her? "He's not out yet, Lily."

"Oh, yeah. That's okay," her smile radiated so much comfort. "So, how can I help?"

Lily told him the secrets of body language. What he should notice when they talk, the proximity, eye contact and such. She warned him about the right wording. Apparently, he sometimes said things in a way others might not understand the true meaning of. He definitely didn't want Regulus to misunderstand him, he had to be more careful. 

It's true James often didn't know how to express himself. He said the first thing that was on his mind and often ended up starting fights caused by silly misunderstandings. He always used to blame himself for those. He truly didn't want it to happen with Regulus as well.

Lily also advised him to compliment him.

"Don't be creepy about it, though," she said.

James took her advice to heart. 

"I love your eyes."

Regulus turned to him confused. "What?"

"I said I love your eyes. They're like a storm on a windy night. I like storms," James smiled innocently.

Regulus' eyebrows were arched. "Thanks…" He spoke hesitantly. 

Oh, no. Did he say something wrong?

"And- and your smile!" James blurted out. "I love it, too."

Regulus averted his gaze. James could see his ears turning pink. 

"Your hair, as well. It always looks so soft, I just wanna touch it sometimes," he confessed. James didn't know why or how it happened, but he suddenly found himself touching Regulus' hair. He tucked a lost strand behind his ear and put his hand down again. His cheeks were burning red. "Everything about you is just wonderful," he breathed out. "The way you look at the stars, the way you see things, the way you speak. I- I love your brain."

Regulus scrunched his nose, his cheeks still pink and puffy. "Are you alright, James?"

"What? Yeah, yeah I am," he bit his lip. "I just love your personality."

"See? Now I don't believe you," Regulus scoffed. "I'm always mean to you, James. Can you name one nice thing I've ever told you? You would have to be really down bad to like my personality."

James shifted his gaze to his feet. "But I do…"

"James?" The said boy raised his head to stare at Regulus expectantly. "You need help."

Now, James definitely wasn't expecting to hear this tonight. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, we wouldn't work." James' eyes widened. He hadn't realised Regulus had already figured it out. Regulus continued, then, "You would either suffer or try to change me. And I don't want either, James. I'm not my brother. You can't save me. You can't change me. I don't want it, James, I don't."

"No, Reg, I don't want to change you. I like you just how you are. You are perfect in my eyes, you really are."

Regulus' jaw clenched. "Lies!" He drew out his wand. He swiftly walked James back into the wall and attached the wand onto his neck. "You are so full of lies," he spit out through gritted teeth.

However, James wasn't listening. He was too enchanted by their sudden proximity. It was the first time they were this close. He couldn't help it. He lifted his hand and cupped Regulus' cheek. His skin was so soft. "You are so beautiful," he whispered.

Regulus scrunched his nose in confusion. James loved it so much when he did that, he found it endearing. He leaned in slowly and laid a soft kiss on the tip of his nose. Regulus didn't pull away, James took this as a sign. He leaned in once again, this time kissing him on the lips. His soft, peach pink lips. They felt so much better than he'd imagined. He couldn't get enough of him.

James truly and unconditionally loved him. There was nothing Regulus could do that would change it.