Chapter 2
Regulus closed the door behind him carefully as he came into the front room, so as not to wake the sleeping baby in James’s arms. He walked over to the sitting area, ultimately deciding to sit in the worn out Bergere chair that had been gifted to him by Sirius when he first moved in. slowly easing into the chair, regulus really took in James for the first time in a long time. It was like going back in time.
The James in front of him was older, no doubt about it. The creases that used to only appear by his eyes when he smiled now appeared to be permanently etched. His eyes were still deep, but so so tired, no doubt an effect of the war. His hands were calloused, and seemed to hold on to Harry with a painful grip, as his fingertips were white. Stubble covered his face, a contrast to the clean shaven picture of James that Regulus had kept in his mind tucked away all these years. James was different. But he was still Regulus’s James. His hair was still as messy as it was in their years at Hogwarts, his glasses still seemed to be barely holding on to his face and his lips. Well his lips looked exactly like Regulus remembered. He was still his James, but at the same time he wasn't. And that made the sick feeling regulus had been experiencing since last night come back all over again. Regulus took a deep breath before speaking.
“So what happened?” Regulus's voice wrung out in the silent room, something he wasn't used to.
James took a shaky breath before looking up at him. He looked like he wanted to cry.
“Have you heard of the muggle holiday of halloween?”
“Mhm, some of the kids in town threw a party for it last night.”
“Well, yeah.” James looked down at Harry before continuing, “Lily was really excited, I mean it was Harry’s first halloween. So she wanted to get him dressed up even though we couldn't leave the house, that way we could take some pictures on that old camera you got her, remember that?”
Regulus watched as James’s hands shook, “Yeah, I remember, i didn't know she still had it”
“Yeah, she did. She never went anywhere without it.” James stared at Harry, as if caught in thought, “She was about to go upstairs and get Harry dressed when the doorbell rang. We thought it might be some muggle kids coming around for candy, so I offered to get it, but she handed me Harry and said she had it. A-a-and th-then” James started shaking more visibly, as Harry began to stir in his arms.
“Then what about James?” Regulus asked quietly, his voice barely coming out as a whisper.
“Then I heard her scream.” James looked up, tears in his eyes, “He found us Reggie, I-I don't know how, but he did. A-and I heard him coming up the stairs so I grabbed Harry and wrapped us in my Invisibility cloak just as he opened the door. And I just said the first spell that came to my mind.”
“You killed him?”
James took a shaky breath, “yeah, I killed him. They never told us in Hogwarts how it feels to cast that curse on Reggie. I felt like throwing up.”
Regulus nodded silently, he knew how it felt. He had casted the curse himself once, before he had fled the war, it had left him feeling about as sick as he felt now. “Then what did you do”.
“I sent a patronus to Sirius, telling him what happened. I told him not to come and find me, I told him that I'd send another once I was safe. And then I aparated to the first place I could think of”.
Regulus was taken aback, “The first place you thought of was my house”.
“No” answered James, “The first thing I thought of was you, and my magic just took me to the place I thought I'd feel safest. I just opened my eyes and found myself at your door”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, that's how I felt too.”
Regulus shifted in his chair, “the papers think you’re dead James”
“Oh, well that's good”
“Why do you say that?”
James looked up, “I’m done living in a world where I'm expected to fight a fight with no regard for myself or my son Regulus. I don't want that to be my life. I don't want that to be Harry’s life”.
Regulus looked at James then out the window beside him, watching the waves crash onto the sides of the cliffs that flanked his home. The sea and sky seemed to blend together in a beautiful but startling gray gradient, with white foam forming on the edge of the sandy beach below. He didn't know exactly what to do. Part of him wanted to puke. Another part of him wanted to go and hold James for however long the universe would let him. And then the rest of him felt an odd sense of heartbreak. In a matter of hours the love of his life had lost his wife, he had lost a sister, and it seemed to regulus that what James needed the most was a space for him to finally grieve. The war had never really allowed him time to do that. It never allowed anyone to do that.
He decided that the best thing to do would be for James to stay, even if it terrified him.
Being afraid was better than him having to imagine James being alone. That he knew for sure
Regulus stood up slowly, “Do you still take your tea with sugar and cream?” he asked gently.
James looked up at regulus curiously, “yeah. I do, tea sounds lovely actually”
“Alright, I'll put the kettle on.” Said Regulus as he walked towards the kitchen, “There's a bathroom next to the guest room, and there should be some of Sirius's old clothes in a box in the closet, those should fit you.” He paused and turned around, locking eyes with a confused and tired looking James. “There should also be an old crib in there, I think I might have brought it along from Grimmauld Place. You can lay harry in there while you wash up, I picked up some baby food this morning at the market that i'll give him here in a bit”
James stood up, still clutching onto Harry like if he let go he would disappear, “Regulus, I don't know what to say.”
Regulus smiled sadly at him, “Then don't say anything at all, we can talk more later, I'm sure we have plenty to catch up on. “ He turned around and continued towards the kitchen, “your tea will be down here when you're ready, I'll try to keep it hot.”
As he filled the kettle with water and set it on the stove he heard James's heavy steps go up the stairs, and soon the pipes came to life as James turned on the shower. Regulus moved to the sink to wash some dishes as he stared out the window, watching the crashing of the waves.
When he had come here a year ago, James had been the first one to write to him. It was a short and simple note. He talked about how Harry was growing so fast, and how he had his mothers eyes. James also mentioned how he had enjoyed the copy of his first volume of poetry that regulus had sent him once he settled down, and how his favorite was one about the gray waves that crashed on the shores he called home. It was in that same letter that he had first mentioned how the Potter’s would soon go into hiding, but James had made a point to say that they hoped they would be safe to venture out by Halloween of 1981, as Lily had found the perfect costume for Harry's first halloween.
A tiny raven costume that Lily said would complement the raven colored hair that covered Harry's head.
Regulus kept that letter in his bedside drawer. And if you had told the regulus that first received that letter that little Harry would never get a chance to wear that costume, he would've said you were lying.
And much to his horror, he would've been wrong.
Regulus finished drying the dishes, setting them on a neat stack on the counter, before pouring two cups of tea, one for himself, and one for James. Into each cup he put a sugar and a cream, then he stirred his and left the spoon for James. He grabbed his tea and walked to his study which was in the next room.
He liked this room the best because of the floor to ceiling windows that brought the light into the room, and gave Regulus a perfect view of the beach below him. He never knew what the water drew him in so much, all he knew was that it brought him peace. The gentle lull of the waves is what would often put him to sleep at night, and during the summer he liked to spend hot nights sitting by the water, drinking a glass of whatever he could find at the time.
Also in the room is a dark green velvet sofa he found in a local second hand goods store operated by an older couple in town. Regulus had the sneaking suspicion that they were actually older wizards themselves, but he never got up the courage to ask. But he swears that one time he saw the wife pull out what looked like a wand to fix a stitch on an old blanket in the store, which regulus also preceded to buy to place upon his lovely couch.
There was also a fireplace in the room, not that regulus ever had it lit, it just sat there unused year round. Part of the reason he never had it lit is because he only had a limited supply of firewood, the other part would be because it reminded him of his time at Hogwarts, and well, he found it best for him not to reminisce any more than necessary.
The last part of the room was his desk, which was another item that he had taken from Grimmauld Place. He didn't want to take much from there initially, especially larger items that technically aren't his (he had always had a sort of guilty conscience). But something from within told him that he couldn't leave it there. So he had Sirius and Remus haul the old and heavy oak desk out of his fathers study before he shrunk it down to bring with him to wales. It was at this desk where Regulus finished his first volume of poetry. And within its drawers is where he kept old photos from the past that hurt him enough to not hang up, but not enough to throw them away.
He liked to pull them out on holidays, those were the times when he felt most alone. He’d look at them. Look at James and Sirius' smiling faces. Look at the photos of Lily teaching Remus how to knit and the ones of Peter passed out on the floor after partying too hard. Regulus would look at them and sometimes sob, or laugh, or do a bit of both, but regardless it always ended with regulus outside, standing knee deep in the sea looking out into the distance. Wondering why fate had decided that this is where he was supposed to be. The waves would hit him as he would stand in the sea, cigarette hanging from his lips, silently wondering what would happen if one day he just walked into the sea and didn't walk back out. Fortunately, that day hasn't come yet,
For now, Regulus wouldn't pull out the pictures, he would instead sip on his tea slowly as he stared out the window at the waves crashing upon the shore. He would listen carefully as he heard the shower stop and as he heard James open the creaky closet of the guest room, undoubtable pulling out the crib and boxes of objects that Regulus himself couldn't bear to unpack. He would soon hear James footsteps once again, coming down the stairs, into the kitchen, and then to Regulus's surprise, into his study.
“Thank you regulus”
Regulus turned to look at him, and held his breath. There was James, standing in a pair of his brother's old pants and a knit jumper that had been made by none other than Remus Lupin years ago as a gift for Sirius. In one hand he held his tea, steam gently floating up, the other was tucked about as deep into his pocket as it would go. He looked like the James that Regulus remembered, and that hurt a bit.
“Of course James, you can stay as long as you like”
“You sure?” asked James timidly. This was new, the James that Regulus knew was anything but timid.
“Yeah, I am.” answered Regulus as he set his cup down, “You’re family James. Families stick together.”
James took a drink, “Yeah, I suppose they do.” He set his cup down on a small table beside the couch before sinking into it, and Regulus followed suit. Before he knew it, James was leaning into regulus, and regulus found his arm wrapping around James as he softly cried. Soon, the sound of gentle rain could be heard on the windows, falling in tandem with James’s tears.
They sat there a while, finally getting up when a small cry could be heard from Harry’s room. By now their tea was cold and Regulus's own jumper was damp from James’s tears. He followed James out of the study, veering off to the front of the house where he proceeded to cast the strongest wards that he might have ever produced. He’d be damned if he’d let something come in that would hurt James on his watch. He came back inside to find James feeding a now slightly more lively Harry some food, and found his heart breaking a little. In the span of twenty four hours regulus had unknowingly lost a friend and had a love he thought he lost appear on his doorstep. Words couldn't begin to describe the absurdity of it.
So he didn't speak, he just lived in the moment.
As he walked to join James in the kitchen, Regulus thought to pinch himself, to see if maybe this was all a bad dream.
But it wasn't. A very real James potter was standing in regulus’s kitchen, feeding a very real baby and a very real regulus was feeling as confused, and sad as ever. And for the first time in a long time, Regulus didn't know what tonight or tomorrow would hold. All he could do is hold his breath and wait to see what the world has planned to test him with this time.