Ch. 12
It took Regulus a few days after his interaction with James to open up to Evan and Barty about his holiday. He was scared of Evan’s reaction more than Barty’s, he knew that no matter what they’d stick by him but he also didn’t want them to look at him differently.
He refused to look at them while he explained the situation and the ritual, he made the mistake of glancing up when he told them what Sirius had told him about not wanting to come back. Barty’s face was full of guilt and pain and Evan looked as though he’d been stabbed in the heart. He didn’t tell them exactly how he’d come to find out that bit of information, and he left out the parts of his break where Sirius had been beaten and he’d agreed to join the Dark Lord come the summer holidays.
“I’ve been feeling a bit better these last few days,” Thanks to James Potter. Oh yeah, I kissed James Potter, oh and I think we’re seeing one another now. “I just figured I owed you two an explanation as to why I’ve been a bit of a wreck since Christmas.”
“Reg…” Evan’s voice was soft as ever as he reached out to touch his shoulder gently.
“You didn’t owe us anything Reg,” Barty smiled sadly. “I’m sorry we didn’t notice before…”
“It's not like I knew really…” Regulus admitted, his eyes still trained on the covers over his legs. They were all piled onto regulus’ bed like they were little kids again. “I mean I didn’t think it was so far off from how I usually feel.”
He realized that was probably the wrong word choice when Evan let out a particularly short breath, “not far off from…” He took another breath. “Fuck reg. I’m so sorry… I should’ve-”
“You didn’t know Ev, neither of you did. But you do now and I just…” He didn’t want to sound needy but he forced the words from his mouth anyways. He heard his brother’s voice in his head telling him he needed to want to be alive. “I need a bit of help okay? I don’t want you to worry about me all the time or anything but just… I don’t know try and make sure I don’t fall apart?”
Regulus hated the way the words felt in his mouth, the way that his friends were already scared for him. He didn’t like being the center of attention, that was always more his brother’s field of expertise.
“We promise,” Barty said firmly, definitely shooting a look at Evan.
“Yeah we promise,” he followed. “You’re going to be just fine.”
“Thank you,” Regulus whispered, his throat tight. Thank you…
…
It was hard at first, he found that for the first couple weeks after he’d told Barty and Evan that they’d just treated him like glass. They made sure he ate at every meal and never left him alone for very long, scared that if they took their eyes off Regulus that he’d be gone. He’d gotten so fed up by the time they were halfway through January that he’d Begun spending time with different people, he would hang around his classmates during lessons, and he’d gotten particularly close with Pandora in History and in Charms the last few weeks. She could tell he was somewhat off but she didn’t ask him questions or force him to talk, she was just there. She had been the one to introduce him and Barty and Evan to Dorcas Meadows too. Doe was a Ravenclaw, a year older and probably the brightest witch Regulus had ever had the pleasure of meeting. She also knew how to knock Evan and Barty down a few pegs when they got to be overwhelming.
They’d all gotten quite close over the last few weeks and by the time the first Hogsmead trip of 1978 rolled around they’d made plans to go together.
“I’m just saying that you trying to fly is the funniest shit I’ve ever seen,” Evan teased Barty as they piled into one of the carriages that brought students down to the village.
“It is not,” Barty pouted, “I could make the team if I tried hard enough.”
“Count yourself lucky you’re not,” Regulus chuckled. “Mulciber is a nightmare as captain.”
“He’s got us scheduled on the pitch at four thirty am next week Barty! Four. In. The. Morning. He’s a twat!”
“Regulus will be just as bad next year when he takes over,” Barty smirked.
“I will not be!”
“Oh please, you get up naturally at five most days!” Barty snorted.
“He’s right,” Evan smirked. “You’ll be a menace, but you’ll also be less cruel.”
“Oh you have no idea how cruel I can be Evan,” Regulus let a smile spread across his face, he and Evan had been getting along much better recently, even with the overprotectiveness.
“Would it kill you to be nice to Evan Regulus?” Dorcas laughed as she and Pandora hopped into the carriage, forcing Barty and Evan to scoot closer together so they could all fit.
“Yes,” he deadpanned. “Yes, I think it would.”
Evan stuck his tongue out at Regulus and he snorted in response. It had taken a while for the two boys to get with the idea of bringing the girls along to Hogsmead, but Regulus managed to convince them after they’d realized that Dorcas was the wittiest person ever and wouldn’t hesitate to take shots at them. They’d all known Pandora previously but once she started hanging around Regulus they warmed up to her as well.
“Always the drama queen,” she laughed, ruffling Regulus’ curls on top of his head. He scowled for a moment and tried to get it back in order as Barty giggled.
“Merlin if you think Reg’s the drama queen wait until you get to know Ev and me better.”
“Hey!” Evan hit his arm playfully, and Barty smirked back at him. Their eyes lingered a second too long. “Besides Barty is much more of a drama queen than I am.”
“Am not!” He protested, sending Pandora and Dorcas into a fit of laughter. Regulus listened to them bicker all the way to the village, Pandora or Dorcas always offering a witty comment or jibe.
Regulus was happy to see everyone joking around again, and he was glad that he was feeling happy again. It had been far too long since he’d felt genuinely happy. Once it started to lift off his thoughts the veil didn’t lower again, it was still there at times, pushing a thought from the last fifteen years to the back of his mind where Regulus couldn’t quite reach it. But overall he was much better, every thought was less muddled and every moment of his life seemed to return to a comforting stillness that he’d missed for the last month of his life.
As they came up to the base of the main street the carriage stopped and the group hopped out of the carriage, they’d planned to wander a bit and then go and get some food and drinks at The Three Broomsticks before heading back to the castle.
“I’m cold Evie,” Barty whined, trying desperately to slip into the fold of Evan’s cloak.
“Call me Evie again and you’ll find yourself in the depths of the black lake where it's really cold,” he growled, pushing the brown hair boy away slightly. Though Regulus could see the pink creeping onto the tips of his ears and nose, and though most people would blame it on the cold Regulus could nearly feel the heat coming from it.
“Why didn’t you bring along a coat Barty?” Pandora asked, tossing her platinum blonde hair over her shoulder.
“I didn’t think it was this cold!”
“It was snowing when we left the castle Bar,” Regulus stifled a laugh as a particularly strong breeze blew Barty's scarf over his shoulders and tumbling onto the slushy street below them.
“Fucking hell,” he grumbled, bending over to pick up the - now very muddy - green scarf from the ground.
“Perhaps we should get food first? Let Barty warm up a bit before exploring,” Pandora suggested, everyone nodded and murmured in agreement and they headed in the direction of the pub. Barty, Evan, and Dorcas walked ahead, laughing at something one of them had said. Regulus smiled and hung back a few seconds with Pandora.
“Are you alright Regulus? You’ve just seemed a bit… distant lately. Both emotionally and spiritually,” she asked in an airy voice that didn’t demand an answer.
“I’m getting there I think,” Regulus smiled at her. He wasn’t ready to tell her and Dorcas everything, and maybe he never would be. But for now, they were still there for him, whether they knew how much it meant to him or not.
“Good,” she grinned, her eyes falling closed as the clouded sunlight fell on her face. “You’re going places Regulus. You’re the missing piece to so many puzzles, it’s beautiful.”
“I doubt I’m that important Pans,” he scoffed, “I mean I’m just me.”
“Oh but you are,” she replied, her eyes reopening. “You might not know it yet, but you’re destined for great things Regulus Black. You’ve just got to stay here long enough to live it out.”
He didn’t know how to respond to that. He knew Pandora could see snippets of the future, it was the pride and joy of her family. He also knew that seers weren’t always accurate 100% of the time, so he never let himself hope. Even when she seemed so sure of something.
The five teenagers filed into the pub and got seated in a half-circle booth near the back. Regulus and Dorcas took the ends, sandwiching Barty, Evan, and Dorcas in the middle.
“Hello,” a girl with tight blonde curls grinned at them. “I’m Rose and I’ll be taking care of you all today! What kind of drinks can I get started for you today?”
“Uh, five butterbeers I think,” Dorcas said with a smile, her cheeks slightly flushed.
“Alright! I’ll bring those right out,” she set a stack of menus on the table and made her way back to the bar to make their drinks.
“Okay she's hot,” Dorcas said in a hushed whisper.
“Dorcas!” Pandora gasped, slapping her arm lightly. Though both girls seemed to laugh under their breaths.
None of the boys said anything about the comment, not wanting to bring up anything that Dorcas wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing. Not to mention that it was pretty clear that they were all the same anyways.
Rose was back a few moments later, five mugs of butterbeer hovering on a platter next to her head. She passed them around to everyone and pulled a small notepad from her apron. And they all scrambled to scan the menus and see what they wanted.
“Whenever you’re ready,” she smiled.
“The fish and chips please,” Pandora smiled politely, setting the menu down in the center of the table. They all went around and placed their orders quickly, and Regulus swore that Dorcas winked at Rose as she walked away.
“Soooo,” Barty smiled, looking around the table. “I say we get to know one another a bit better. I mean I’ve lived in the same room as Reg and Ev for the last five years but I mean we can’t know everything about one another! Besides I want to know more about Dorcas and Pandora if they’re going to be joining our little group.”
“Sounds fun,” Dorcas shrugged. “I say truth or dare.”
“Oh, I love that game!” Pandora squealed, her eyes lighting up. “I’ll start,” she scanned the faces of each of the people sitting in front of her, her eyes settling on Evan. “Evan, truth or dare?”
“I suppose if we want to get to know one another then truth,” he shrugged.
“Boring!” Barty teased, and Evan shoved his shoulder.
“Alright then,” Pandora thought for a moment. “If you had to pick an animal that best described yourself what would you say?”
“Oh I don’t know,” he laughed. Regulus thought he’d be a cat really or some kind of feline.
“He’d be an otter,” Barty’s face was entirely serious as he made his point. “He’s a slippery little asshole who knows how to manipulate others to get what he wants, but he’s also a little angel when he’s content and not to mention he’s a little attention hog.”
Regulus gripped the table laughing, he tried to imagine Evan as a little otter, cuddling with Barty and biting his fingers when he wasn’t getting the attention he wanted. It was a beautiful sight.
Evan must’ve said something because Barty was now beet red laughing, his eyes squeezed shut as he tried not to cry.
Even Evan was smirking a bit.
“Okay okay next person,” Dorcas managed through fits of laughter.
“Dorcas,” Evan raised a brow. “Truth or dare.”
“Dare obviously,” she smiled mischievously.
“I dare you to ask Rose out at the end of the meal,” he smirked, and Dorcas gave a look of disbelief.
“Oh you are on Rosier,” she said after a moment. “Now,” her eyes settled on Regulus. “Black?”
“Truth I suppose,” he shrugged. Honestly scared of what Dorcas would cook up for him to do.
“Alright, of the people at this table who would you want to sleep with the most?”
He probably should have seen it coming.
“Oh come on, none of us is his type,” Barty rolled his eyes.
“Okay but let's just say the future of the world depended on you shagging one of us? Who are you choosing Regulus Black?” She leaned across the table. “Who would you fuck to save the world?”
“Ugh,” he groaned, “okay fine if the future of the fucking world depended on it then probably Barty. You scare me. Evan scares me. Pandora is probably a distant relative of some kind.”
Barty smirked and pumped his fist in the air, “hell yeah!”
“But don’t count on it love, I’d only sleep with you to save the world,” he winked.
“Oh you’re no fun,” he rolled his eyes, but Regulus glanced over to Evan who was suddenly very quiet. A brooding look was creeping onto his face.
“Anyways,” he changed the subject. “Pandora!”
The game continued until their food arrived and then they all tucked in. At that point, the game had shifted to be quite dirty, either questions about one’s sex or romantic life or fuck, marry, kill scenarios. Regulus was glad to have a bit of a break as he picked at his fish and chips, food had still been a bit of a struggle for him. It all tasted like concrete in his mouth when he chewed and it made him want to gag. James even noticed one day when they’d met up after dinner, he’d heard Regulus’ stomach growling and then proceeded to lecture him on proper nutrition. Then given him a chocolate frog - which they split.
“Reg,” Evan touched his hand and brought him back to the table. “Everything okay? You’ve been salting your chips for like a solid thirty seconds.”
Regulus nodded, setting the shaker down and staring at his plate. The others were caught up in conversation and Regulus allowed himself a moment to be vulnerable.
“You’ve got to eat something. You didn’t have anything at breakfast besides coffee and told me you were saving your appetite for this,” he scolded.
“I know I’m just not very hungry,” Regulus shrugged.
“Well I don’t care,” Evan sighed. “Just eat one piece of fish and five chips okay?”
He nodded again, looking down at his plate again. He ate the chips first, he’d over-salted them but he just dunked them in sauce to get them down his throat. By the time he was halfway done with his fish, it didn’t taste half bad anymore.
“Better?”
“Yeah,” Regulus smiled at the blonde boy and finished his piece before starting another. His stomach felt good, he had been eating as little as he could lately, on a good day eating only two meals. He’d missed the taste of food.
They never went back to playing their game but Regulus still got to know the girls better as the afternoon ticked by. He’d even gotten a few embarrassing stories out of Evan and Barty.
Pandora was the youngest in her entire family, and the only reason her parents hadn’t had another child was because of how complicated her birth had been. It was all worth it though, because even though she was a girl - which wasn’t ever ideal in pureblood families. She was a seer, which made her very valuable to her family, even her cousins - Rabastan and Rodolphus Lestrange - who were a bit deranged in Regulus’ opinion. She loved magic and planned on being an independent potion master when she graduated. She was so creative when it came to potionering that it would be a waste of her talents if she didn’t go into the field.
Dorcas - despite being a year older than the rest of them - had no idea what she wanted to do with her life yet. Her entire family was from South Africa and she was the first-born in Europe. She had a little brother who wasn’t of age to attend Hogwarts yet and she loved him more than anyone. Her mother was a halfblood and her father was the head of an ancient family of Purebloods. They’d fled to Europe two years before Dorcas was born because of a threat to their house. She’d said that part of her wanted to go back to her roots and reclaim the head of her house when she graduated but also knew it was a bit unrealistic because of the war brimming n the horizon.
Barty told them about his father, and how he’d do anything to not be confined in a stuffy ministry job. He hated being an only child because it seemed that he was always the center of attention when it came to his family. He got below an E on his last assessment in Transfiguration? Well, his father would blow up at him and demand he worked harder, and his mother would just silently agree, offering to get him a tutor over the summer holidays. He loved because at Hogwarts because he was free from their prying eyes most of the time, and he loved being his friends around simply to cause his father distress by calling Evan and Regulus - members of two of the darkest houses in Britain - his best friends.
Evan was a bit more of an open book to Regulus since they’d had a similar upbringing. He could tell when Evan left out a piece of information from his stories, or when he’d make up a different ending entirely to avoid awkward questions. He told them about his older brother Andrew and his little sister Beatrice. He hated being the middle child, he hated that the praise always went to his brother, and he could never seem to impress them. He hated that Beatrice always ended up with the blunt end of their parent's disapproval and that he couldn’t protect her. Regulus assumed that was why he would put himself on the line for him and Barty. He told them all that he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life yet and he’d probably figure it out after their OWLS and before NEWTS. But Regulus knew that neither of them had to choose a career path exactly, they’d be thrown into the deep end of the war as soon as they finished school, and when The Dark Lord won they’d be put up on a pedestal for being born the way they had. Neither of them said anything about the war.
Regulus tells them about Sirius and their family - leaving out the major red flags of course. He told them how he loved quidditch and had the dream to play professionally one day, he told them he liked to draw, which had Barty and Evan shocked because they’d never seen him with a sketchbook in hand since they’d known him. He liked to draw at home though, it made everything seem less overwhelming. He bonded with Pandora over loving potions and with Dorcas about hating Herbology. By the time the afternoon had faded into early evening, regulus didn’t think he could have felt happier. He’d smiled more in the last few hours than he thought he had all year.
Seeing James outside the pub alone was the icing on the cake, he excused himself quickly to the loo and dashed out the back door to meet the older boy.
“I thought you said you were busy today,” Regulus smirked from the alleyway next to the pub where James was lingering.
“I was, but then I saw you were still here and figured if you wanted to…” James smiled, glancing over his shoulder before slipping into the alleyway with the younger boy.
Regulus stopped him, their lips colliding in a messy kiss before James bracketed him against the wall, blocking them off from the street and prying eyes. Regulus didn’t like being so reckless but seeing James was becoming harder and harder as he picked up prefect shifts for Regulus - who still wasn’t quite ready to start back up yet. They met in their tower sometimes when both of their schedules allowed it, but other than those nights it was sparse kissing in broom closets and behind the doors of empty classrooms.
James pulled back for a moment before casting a muffling charm over the small space.
“We really need to find somewhere more discreet than an alleyway in the middle of Hogsmead,” Regulus pointed out as they pulled apart.
“Don’t worry I’m taking care of that bit,” James grinned.
Regulus was surprised at how shy he was around James lately. He supposed after the kissing became a normal thing then he’d feel less uncomfortable but it didn’t fix everything. The truth was that all he and James did was kiss, well they talked occasionally, whenever they were in the tower, but other than that it was just kissing. He wanted to tell James and explain why he was so shy around him but he could never find the right time. James was so excited all the time, just to even be around Regulus, it was a bit overwhelming sometimes but he loved it at the same time.
“Well hurry up, I want to get to know you beyond kissing Potter,” Regulus shoved his arm playfully. Hopefully, that got the point across well enough.
“We do know each other!” James scrunched his brows together. “I’ve heard all about you from Sirius and I mean before the Holidays we did patrols and-”
“What’s my favorite color?” Regulus interrupted.
“I don’t know,” James chewed his lip. “Green?”
“Red,” Regulus responded.
“Oh…” James cocked his head. “I just assumed because you’re in Slytherin-”
“That's the point l'amour,” Regulus cupped his hand around James’ cheek. “Not that I assumed most couples know the other’s favorite color but the point is we really don’t know anything about one another. I know I said I wanted this, and that you do too but maybe let's just slow down a bit? It’s only been a few weeks and we’ve got all the time in the world to be together.”
Regulus knew the last part probably wasn’t true but he wished it could be.
“Alright,” James breathed. “Friday night okay? I’ll find us a place and we can be together without anyone seeing.”
Regulus smiled, then realized they were still pressed up against the stone wall outside the pub. “Friday then l'amour,” he kissed James’ cheek and turned to head back inside.
“I’m going to find out what that means one of these days!” James called after him.
Regulus just blushed, really hoping that the silencing spell had held enough so no one heard his shout.
He slipped back into the pub through the back door and walked down the long hall back toward the dining rooms. He’d just turned the corner when he ran straight into a couple pressed up against the wall of the dimly lit hall.
“Oh shit sorry,” he straightened from his trip and his jaw dropped.
Standing in front of him were his two best friends. Evan’s hand still holding Barty against the wall and both of their faces were frozen in horror.
Regulus smirked at Barty, “Finally.” he said quietly, continuing to walk past them, leaving them in his wake.
He scoot back into the booth where Pandora and Dorcas were talking in hushed voices and glancing over their shoulders at another table across the pub.
“Hey,” Regulus announced himself and the girls turned their attention back to the table.
“Hey, Reg! Did you see Evan or Barty? They’ve been gone for a minute now,” Pandora asked softly.
“Oh uh-” He glanced over his shoulder where a very red Barty was slowly walking back to the table. “There’s Barty, I think Evan may have had one too many butterbeers,” he laughed it off as Barty slipped into the table next to Regulus with a murderous look in his eyes.
“He’s going to murder you later,” he whispered under his breath. “And I’ll help if you don’t keep your mouth shut.”
Regulus snorted and took a sip of his butterbeer, knowing that their threats meant nothing to him.
“Everything alright over there boys?” Dorcas snickered, “Barty looks like a little raving lunatic right now.”
“I do not!” he rolled his eyes, forcing his shoulders to relax into the seat.
Evan came back a few minutes later, looking even more pissed than Barty did. They all joked for a few more minutes before paying for their food and wandering back to the carriages.
“This was fun,” Dorcas smiled as she leaned her head against Pandora’s shoulder.
“Would’ve been more fun if you’d asked Rose out at the end like you said you would,” Evan teased.
“Who said I didn’t,” Dorcas winked. “I left a little note on the bill if you know what I mean.”
“Damn,” Barty smiled.
“You should all come to the Valentines-day dance next weekend!” Pandora said after a minute, “I mean if we had this much fun perhaps we should make it a regular thing?”
“Yeah,” Barty shrugged. “I’ll drag them along, it sounds fun!”
“Great! They're doing a black tie this year I think!”
“Sounds good,” Evan agreed, “see you guys later than I suppose?”
The carriage came to a stop in the castle’s courtyard and the girls hopped out followed by Regulus, Evan, and Barty.
“See ya!” Dorcas waved over her shoulder as they made their way toward the Ravenclaw tower.
Regulus waved before he was whisked away by his two friends. They waited to say anything until they were safely in their dorms, knowing that if anyone ever found out about them kissing, Evan would be disowned before the summer holidays.
Barty cast a silencing charm before the yelling began.
“Regulus if you fucking tell anyone what you saw!” Evan threatened though Regulus could see right through the mask each of his friends had on.
“I won’t tell anyone Evan,” Regulus rolled his eyes. “I’m not trying to get either of you kicked out. Besides, I saw it coming a while ago.”
“What-?” Evan’s eyes went wide.
“I mean I feel like a proud mum,” Regulus couldn’t help the quip before it fell from his lips, “Not that any of know what that’s supposed to look like but I’ll give it my best shot. I mean props to you for kissing him, Barty.”
“Oh, I didn’t-”
“I was the one who kissed him,” Evan cut him off. “I’m sorry can we back up a second, you saw it coming ?”
“Well yeah,” Regulus shrugged. “Barty is probably the worst liar in the world. And I mean I didn’t know you were into him for longer but after I figured it out it was easy to tell. The way your nose and ears get pink and you constantly try to make him smile. I mean even when you were fighting you couldn’t help but smile whenever you looked at him,” then he noticed the fear in both of his friend's faces, Evan holding Barty’s hand in his own. “No one who hasn’t shared a room with you for the last five years could tell,” he assured them. “I promise you.”
“Reg no one can know,” Barty croaked. “If my father found out he’d transfer me to fucking Durmstrang, and if Evan…” his voice broke and Regulus saw tears welling up in his eyes. “They’d fucking kill him.”
Regulus didn’t know why but something about how upset Barty was upset Regulus. He wished that his own secret was someone who could understand just how much he was risking to be with him. Even if it was just kissing for now.
“Barty I swear to you I won’t tell anyone,” he said softly, shoving his anger deep down his throat and into the region of his mind still controlled by the veil of his death.
Barty nodded, spinning his family ring on his thumb. Evan gave Regulus a grateful look before enveloping Barty in his arms. The blonde boy was taller, so Barty seemed small in his arms, it was so perfect how they fit together. Regulus wondered if that’s what he and James would look like together, or if his friends would be as accepting as he’d been of them.
He allowed the questions to come while he readied himself for bed but pushed them away as he crawled into his bunk.
Barty and Evan were curled up together talking in hushed voices as he reached for the bottle on his nightstand.
“Goodnight,” Regulus said softly as he uncorked the dreamless sleep and downed it in one go.