Ch. 10
James
“Christmas, I promise you,” James' voice was broken as he watched them get pulled away from the platform. He wanted more than anything to follow them, but his dad still had a firm grip on his shoulder and Remus had slipped his hand into James’.
“How could you let them take him back…” he whispered, turning to face his mum. Her face was fear-stricken, pained by the thought of letting her second son go.
“There’s no way we could’ve taken him back,” Fleamont shook his head, taking his hand off of his son’s shoulder. “They’re his legal guardians, we can’t exactly go about making demands.”
“But we could’ve done something!” James protested. He could feel a pull in his chest as he ran his hands through his hair. “We could’ve at least tried… and Regulus… shit.”
“Regulus is going to be fine James,” Remus assured him, a bitterness hiding behind his words. “And Sirius will come back.”
James felt as though those words sounded more like they were meant to comfort himself rather than James. His mum wrapped her arms around James, holding onto him as if he were the one who’d been ripped away from her.
“Remus!” A voice called from across the platform. James wanted to slap the face it came from before he even saw it.
“I said five minutes,” Lyall Lupin shot at his son. “I don’t have all day to cart you around y’know?”
“Yeah,” Remus replied through gritted teeth, letting go of James and taking hold of his bags. “See you in four days yeah?”
James nodded. “Feel free to come over for supper honey, you know you’re always welcome.” His mum said softly, letting go of James’ shoulders to allow him to hug his friend goodbye.
“Thank you, Mrs. Potter,” Remus smiled back, pulling James in. “Godric help me so I don’t strangle him one day,” Remus muttered in his ear.
“Honestly just come and live with me,” James forced a laugh, pulling away from the taller boy. “Come for dinner Remus, that way you’ll be around when he comes back.”
“Yeah okay,” he smiled sadly at the mention of Sirius. “And try not to worry about Regulus okay? He’ll be alright.”
“Yeah,” James breathed. “Take care of yourself Moony.”
“Will do Prongs,” he replied as his dad took his shoulder, something about it made James cringe as they were whisked away from the platform.
“Ready to go honey?”
“Yeah mum,” he mumbled, taking her hand in his as he clenched his eyes shut in preparation for apparition.
…
James had met Sirius Black when he was eleven years old. It was around an hour into the train ride to Hogwarts their first year, and he, Peter, and Remus were lounging around the compartment playing exploding snaps when the door burst open.
“Fuck,” someone slammed the door shut and pulled down the shade.
He was scrawny at eleven years old, and his black hair was shorter then too, barely reaching his ears. Peter had looked at James first, then Remus, silently asking if either of them knew who this was.
Neither of them did.
“Er, hello?” James asked, propping himself up on his elbows on the floor of the compartment.
“Oh,” the boy looked up. His eyes were a frosty blue and they almost seemed to pierce James’ heart. They were full of mischief even then. “Uh sorry, mind if I hide out for a minute? My cousins are a piece of work,” he laughed to himself.
“Sure,” James answered, patting the spot beside him. The other boy occupied it immediately, a bright smile spreading across his face. “I’m James by the way. James Potter. And that’s Peter,” Pete waved and grinned back at the boy. “And that’s Remus,” Remus smiled warily and went back to flipping through some muggle book. He was shy, James had only met him an hour ago and he knew that he was one of the most brilliant people he knew, even if he was reluctant to come out of his shell.
“I’m Sirius,” the other boy replied proudly. “It’s brilliant to meet you all.” Remus snorted, and Sirius scrunched his brows together, “what’s so funny?”
“You sound like this is some fancy dinner part y’know?” Remus smirked. James’ jaw almost hit the floor, it had taken the better part of an hour for Remus to even speak to him and Pete in full sentences and now he was off making sly remarks to a boy who’d just waltzed in? James had to know what his secret charm was.
“Yeah well with a family like mine it’s to be expected,” Sirius smirked back. “Anyways,” he continued before any of the boys could even open their mouths to ask what he’d meant. “Are you all excited about Hogwarts?”
“Oh yeah! It’s gonna be epic,” James beamed, “Pete and I are going to rule Gryffindor!”
“James,” Peter whined, “you know I’m probably going to end up in Hufflepuff!”
“Nah,” James insisted. “You’ve been my right-hand man for far too long now, we’re both going to be in Gryffindor I can feel it!”
“What about you Remus?” Sirius asked, cocking his head ever so slightly in curiosity.
“I don’t know really,” Remus admitted, his cheeks going pink.
“Oh, he’ll be in Ravenclaw for sure!” James said, “he’s like a genius!”
“You’ve known me all of forty-five minutes James,” Remus chuckled. “And I’m most certainly not a genius.”
“Well I’m going for anything except Slytherin really,” Sirius laughed, his head tipping back slightly as he did it, almost as if he was sharing an inside joke that none of the other boys understood.
“Why not Slytherin?” James asked, leaning slightly closer to the boy. “I mean I get why you don’t see the appeal but still.”
“My whole family is in Slytherin,” Sirius explained, rolling his eyes as he did so. “And they’re all a bit… well deranged?”
“Did you just refer to your family as deranged?” Remus raised a brow.
“Yeah,” Sirius shrugged. “If you knew them then you’d think the same. One sane one of the whole lot is my little brother Regulus. He’s a bloody saint still.”
“So you want to break the mold then?” James asked, still in awe of how much confidence the boy emitted. It was like a disease, and James couldn’t help but be affected. “Not be so… deranged?”
“Yup!” he replied happily, popping his ‘p’. “Maman will be angry but then again when is she not?”
“Maman?” Peter scrunched his brow.
“My mother,” Sirius clarified.
“You’re french?” Remus blurted out.
“Yeah,” Sirius smiled, “I’m quite unfortunately fluent in the language as well.”
“Vous ne semblez pas du genre à étudier une langue étrangère,” Remus raised a brow. Peter and James shared a confused look as Sirius clutched at his chest gasping.
“Oh allez maintenant qu'en est-il de moi des cris non traditionnels?”
“Everything,” Remus replied in English.
“I’m sorry but you speak French Remus?” James gaped at his new friends. Remus shrugged and nodded. “Wicked.”
“SIRIUS WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO?!” A voice screeched from the hallway.
“Oh shit,” Sirius said a bit too loudly. And the compartment door flung open again. A girl with dark curls stood in the frame with her hands on her hips glaring down at Sirius. “Hello, Bella,” he smirked.
“Oh you’re in for it now cousin,” she growled, reaching down and yanking him up by his arm.
“That’s your cousin?” Peter blinked, wide-eyed at the older girl.
“Yes,” they both said at once.
“But that means…” Peter trailed off, and James look up at Sirius confused. Was he meant to know who the older girl was?
“Yup,” Sirius pursed his lips.
“Okay enough,” the girl snapped, “your mother will skin you alive for keeping that kind of company,” she hissed in his ear. He visibly flinched as the door slammed back shut, throwing a sad glance at James over his shoulder.
“Who was that?” Remus sat in awe.
“That,” Peter cleared his throat as if he’d just seen a ghost. “Was Sirius Black.”
“As in one of the older and most awful families in Britain?” James gaped.
“Yeah pretty much,” Peter clicked his tongue. “Not exactly what I expected.”
“Me neither,” James muttered. He knew then, that Sirius Black was going to be his best friend, and he knew that he would have to save him from his family in order for that to be okay.
…
By the time supper on the twentieth of December rolled around James was a wreck. He’d called Remus almost every day to ask if he’d heard anything from Sirius. He hadn’t. And neither had James. Remus got to the Potter’s around six that evening and the two of them ate dinner in the living room in case Sirius showed up.
He didn’t.
Not at seven o’clock.
Not at eight o’clock.
Not at nine o’clock.
And by the time ten o’clock had come and gone James was ready to storm the castle for Sirius.
Remus was antsy, more wrapped up in his head over what could possibly be holding him up for such a long time.
“Mum! Walburga did say to expect him after dinner right?” James shouted down to the dining room.
“Yes she did honey,” she called back, worry dripping from her voice. His dad had been held up at the ministry and so it was just her, James, and Remus at home.
“Fuck,” he ran a hand down his face. His stomach was churning with worry, he’d known it was a bad idea to send him back there, but there wasn’t anything they could do to help him. He thought of the boy he’d met back when they were eleven, the happy, spunky little Sirius that had stolen James’ heart. He thought of how he’d changed over the years, slowly becoming more and more damaged every time he returned home. A part of James was terrified that this would be the breaking point for his best friend, that he’d unintentionally pushed him over the edge by not finding a way to release him from his parent’s grip.
Crack.
Remus was at the door before James could even think.
“MUM!” he screamed, and he rushed to be by Remus’ side, his mother rushed down the hall and quickly took down the wards to open the door. With the war brimming they could never be too careful.
“Sirius?” Remus pushed in front of James.
“Well, he’s all yours now,” a sickly familiar voice laughed.
“Fuck,” James saw terror run down Remus’ face.
“Don’t think I’ll be so kind to you all next time I see you,” Bellatrix smirked as James pushed the door open further so he could see.
His heart dropped into his stomach.
Sirius was fucked, his face was covered in blood and he looked as if he could barely even stand. His eyes were open though. He was awake.
Shit.
“If you don’t think that authorities are going to be involved now you’ve got another thing coming,” his mum's voice growled from behind the boys.
“Don’t think that’s much of my issue, or my aunts,” Bellatrix smirked again, thrusting a small packet of papers into Remus’ hands and promptly shoving Sirius through the threshold. James caught him. “You’ll find we took the liberty of signing for you.”
James propped Sirius’ arm over his shoulder and glanced down at the papers in Remus’ shaking hands.
A D O P T I O N P A P E R S
“Oh and James?” he looked up to meet her eyes, they were nearly a carbon copy of her cousin’s. “Little Reggie says hello,” she smirked as his face went slack.
Shit.
“What did you do? Is he okay? What happened?” James demanded, his cheeks growing hot.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” she replied before giving a mocking wave and apparating away from the house.
“James,” his mother said, her voice sticky with fear. “Let's get him on the couch yeah?”
“Right yeah yeah of course,” James muttered, helping a barely conscious Sirius to the couch and laying him down.
“He’s going to be okay right?” Remus’ voice cracked.
“I don’t know sweetie,” his mum mumbled, kneeling down next to the boy. “Sirius darling?”
“Yeah I’m here,” he whispered, his voice was raw and it seemed like it hurt him to speak.
“Where does it hurt darling?”
Sirius touched his head slightly, then his ribs, then his stomach.
“I know they broke some ribs, the rest gets a little bit hazy,” he mumbled.
“Alright it's okay hon,” she whispered soothingly, pulling out her wand and gently cleaning his face from the blood. “James? Could you go and send for Albus? He’ll want to know what exactly happened once Sirius is recovered.” James nodded, though he knew that their headmaster didn’t care about Sirius’ well-being any more than Bellatrix did. “Remus if you’d go into the closet and grab a bottle of dreamless sleep please?”
“Moony?” Sirius rasped, his eyes shooting open. “Don’t go…”
“I-”
“I’ll go and get it, honey,” Euphemia smiled softly, “give you two a moment.”
“Thank you,” Remus whispered and went to sit beside Sirius, stroking the hair from his face gently as Sirius closed his eyes.
Everything was going to be okay. It had to be.
…
It was four days before Sirius woke up again. Four days where James and Remus had lived at his bedside, refusing to move until they knew he’d be alright.
He’d ended up having three broken ribs, his mum hadn’t let them see exactly what they did to his stomach and head but James had a few good guesses - all of which made him want to show to Grimmauld and murder his whole family. He’d had something called a Hypoxic brain injury which his mum had said was due to lack of oxygen, which is the main reason he wasn’t waking up.
Remus was falling apart, he barely ate and never left Sirius’ side for more than five minutes at a time. He’d only really spoken to James and one time when Pete called through the floo to check in on them all, he was on holiday in Greece which - obviously - prevented him from being there in person.
Christmas Eve dinner was spent sitting on the living room floor watching Sirius sleep, Euphemia and Fleamont tried to get the boys to go upstairs and get a proper night of sleep but they’d both refused profusely. They did however get them to agree to a game of exploding snaps before heading to bed.
“That’s got to be cheating! Remus come on that’s illegal!” James pouted, flashing a set of puppy eyes at a smiling Remus. He was happy to see Remus smile, he really was, he’d been so worried about him for the last few days it was amazing to see his Moony smile.
“Oh don’t be a sore loser James,” Sirius croaked. “Jealousy is not a good look on you.”
“Sirius!” James shouted, spinning around and nearly jumping onto him. “Oh shit, you scared us!”
“Yeah well I’m just a scary guy,” he chuckled, pushing himself onto his elbows.
“Oh thank god darling,” Euphemia smiled down at him, wrapping her arm around her husband. “It really is a Christmas miracle.”
“It's Christmas?” Sirius’ eyes went wide.
“Eve,” Remus corrected softly. “It’s Christmas Eve.”
“I’ve been out for four days?” Sirius croaked.
James nodded solemnly.
“Bloody hell,” he sighed after a minute. “Happy Christmas eve then I suppose…”
Remus just knelt down next to him and held him, pulling James in after a moment.
“Don’t you ever scare me like that again Sirius Black,” James heard Remus mutter softly into Sirius’ shoulder.
“I promise.”
Regulus
The world wouldn’t stop spinning. Even the food on his plate all spun together, and eventually, his vision went black again.
His chest felt like it was being torn apart as he tried desperately to breathe. He couldn’t breathe. He was vaguely aware of Sirius screaming his name and the tears running down his cheeks before he collapsed again.
“Regulus,” Narcissa held his shoulder gently. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” he muttered. Coming back to the present.“Yeah fine.”
The whole family was there, his mother and father, of course, Narcissa and Lucius, now happily married - not that he was able to attend the wedding. Bella and Rodolphus, both of which were staring intently at Regulus, watching as if they were trying to figure out exactly what to do with him. His aunt Druella and uncle Cygnus were there too, chatting with his own mother and father.
“Just try and eat something okay? You haven’t touched your food all night,” Cissy gave him a soft smile and he nodded, pushing his potatoes around some more. He tried to force some down but it just made him gag as he swallowed.
The only one missing was Sirius.
He was gone of course. That must’ve been four days ago? Maybe five? Regulus didn’t know why exactly the whole family would be together if not for Christmas or Christmas Eve. His head was such a mess lately that he couldn’t even count the days from the last time he’d seen his brother.
Part of Regulus wished that he hadn’t seen him the night he left again. Because ironically that's the only image his fucked up brain could focus on; Sirius getting the absolute shit beaten out of him as he refused the mark once again.
“I’m going to get a bit of air,” he said, not to anyone in particular but as he got up from his seat it was Narcissa who responded.
“I’ll come and check on you in a bit yeah?”
He nodded as he slipped from the room, the wine had gotten to his mother enough that she wouldn’t scold him for excusing himself without her permission. He dragged himself up to his room and opened the windows, allowing the frigid December air to wash over his body. It made him feel alive. And for someone who’d felt far from that for the last week, it was a welcome feeling.
He ended up laying on his back on the mattress, a bottle of dreamless sleep waiting to be downed on his bedside table. He shouldn’t go to sleep yet, he didn’t even know what day it was, much less what time. He started running through a list of what he needed to get done before the end of the Christmas holiday in his head.
He had a potions essay due the first week back, they were meant to do it with their new partners - meet up over the break you know? But unfortunately for Regulus, his partner had just been removed from his family line permanently, which didn’t leave much room to work on the essay. He’d laughed when he saw the pairs on the blackboard, of course, Slughorn would think it was clever to pair the brothers up, but Regulus knew it wouldn’t do much except piss off their mother.
Then he had a project for Astronomy, which he was working on with Barty and Evan. They’d both promised to do the majority during their holiday, and Regulus could add his bit on at the very end.
Merlin, he missed those two - he rolled over onto his side - they’d know how to get the spinning to stop. How to make the screams leave his ears and how to make his memories go less fuzzy. He just needed something familiar, and that's the only thing he could think of to make him feel any sort of comfort.
“Knock knock,” Bella’s voice hit him like a wall. She didn’t wait for a response before entering his room and closing the door firmly.
Regulus pushed himself up and leaned against the headboard. “Yes?”
“Don’t ‘yes’ me Regulus,” she rolled her eyes and sat on the edge of his bed. “How are you feeling?”
“Like shit,” he replied, pulling one of his covers around his shoulders as the chill finally reached his bones.
Bella flicked her wand at the windows and they closed up, leaving Regulus to warm up a bit. “Well, your mother wanted this to be more of a… family ordeal. But I thought perhaps you’d freak out less if it wasn’t.”
Regulus scoffed, “just spit it out.” He knew what it was about, but he wasn’t going to take away Bella’s ‘ little moment’.
“No need to be rude little cousin,” she glared, the silence held for a moment before she continued. “The Dark Lord.” Regulus leaned back a bit, hitting his head on the bed frame. “Oh don’t be a child Regulus. You have two options here. One: you take the mark now - after proving your worth of course. And you start off quite small, you’d be more of an errand boy than anything, at least until you’re of age, or until you’re needed.”
“Mhm,” Regulus hummed, his eyes closed. “Or?”
“Or, you don’t take it until this summer.”
“That doesn’t seem like much of a choice to me,” he laughed. “Of course, I’d like to keep whatever small bit of my fucking life I can for as long as possible.”
“Tsk, you didn’t let me finish,” she scolded. “If you take it over the summer you’ll be much more than just an errand boy Regulus, and trust me when I say the Dark Lord is not merciful when it comes to children such as yourself.”
“So if I were to take it right now there's still a good chance he would throw me into the deep end and see if I could swim just for the fun of it?” Regulus looked up at his cousin smirking. He knew how to test her limits without getting cursed.
She wavered slightly, “yes.”
“And the same will happen if I take it over the summer?”
“Yes but-”
“Then I think you have your answer Bella,” he muttered, leaning his head back once again.
She snickered, “oh dearest cousin,” she gently brushed her fingers across his cheek. He flinched slightly at her touch, “You have absolutely no idea what you’ve just signed up for now do you?”
Regulus wanted to care. He really did, but he was just so tired…
“Have it your way Regulus. But don’t come crying to me when it all comes crashing down in your face yeah?”
He just rolled his eyes.
“Oh and James Potter gives his regards,” she smirked as she got up. “Thought you’d like to know.”
Regulus’ head flashed in a memory…
Cherry and mint
“Fuck…”
“Have a nice night Reggie,” she sneered, waving his bottle of dreamless sleep in his face before walking away. He didn’t have the strength to follow, nor the will if he was being honest with himself. So as much as it pained him, Regulus kicked off his shoes and wrapped his body in blankets.
His mother would be too drunk to get into his mind tonight.
She had to be.