4. Remembering
It was about three weeks into the summer holiday, and Regulus was extremely bored. It was two weeks until Narcissa’s betrothal ceremony, and until then he had nothing to do besides summer work. His mother hadn’t kept him and Sirius to a schedule at all since their arrival home, insisting they must learn how to manage their time well. Regulus had already finished three essays and done his charts for astronomy. He didn’t speak much with Sirius, who was keeping to himself more than usual, they saw one another every night at dinner, and sometimes they’d wander into the same room as the other and just sit quietly for a few hours.
Their mother had been quite lenient so far, neither one of them had been cursed at or punished in any way the entire summer. Sirius was trying his best to stay out of her way, and Regulus didn’t ever have to try, she didn’t want a single thing to do with him. He wasn’t the heir, he wasn’t anything but a safety net. That particular afternoon was one of the days when Regulus and Sirius found themselves in the same room, Regulus was researching for his charms project, and Sirius was trying and failing to do his arithmancy. Regulus would catch him sneaking looks over his shoulder at his younger brother desperate for help. Regulus made him wait, about ten minutes later Sirius let out a frustrated sigh and crumpled his parchment up, tossing it into the fireplace.
“Regulus?” he said quietly, he’d been quiet all summer.
“Need help?” Regulus turned to face him smirking. He just nodded embarrassed.
“Remus helps me most of the time,” he admitted.
Regulus got up and sat next to him at the desk, the problems were simple enough and for the next half an hour or so they just worked together, just like brothers. Sirius had a better understanding by the end of it too, doing most of it on his own.
“Better than Lupin?” Regulus smirked.
“I do have to admit I actually understand what I’m doing,” Sirius laughed and smiled. Regulus thought that was the first time he’d seen Sirius smile at Grimmauld place since they were little kids. “I missed this you know? Us. I don’t think we’ve spent time together without fighting in years.”
Regulus laughed, “Yeah well you don’t exactly make it easy all the time. Neither does mother I suppose.”
“That woman doesn’t make anything easy,” Sirius scoffed. “Maybe if she’d allowed you near me after I got sorted into Gryffindor then you would’ve rubbed off on me enough that I wouldn’t be such a disappointment.”
“I wish I was more like you,” Regulus admitted, looking carefully over his shoulder before continuing. “Ever since you got sorted, I just thought you were so brave and cool. But when you came home that first summer… I don’t know if it scared me enough to listen to what mother said, or what but I was a coward.”
“You were eleven,” Sirius said firmly. “She’s sick okay? You had to sit there and watch everything Regulus, she knew exactly what she was doing when she made you do that. She wanted you scared.”
“I wonder what it would've been like if we’d stayed close.”
“It’d have been epic,” Sirius smiled brightly, “and you know… well you could always hang out with the marauders sometime if you wanted. You don’t have to hang around those creeps - Crouch and Rosier - all the time.”
“They’re not so bad,” Regulus shrugged.
“Just consider it, I think everyone would like you.”
“I’m not so sure about that-”
Before Sirius could protest there was a sharp knock on the front door and their mother’s voice yelled down at them to answer. Regulus hurried down the hall and opened the door to a small group of people, the front two being Bellatrix and her husband.
“Hello Bella,” Regulus smiled politely.
“Hello Regulus,” she replied, coming inside and removing her hood. There were four people in total; Bella, Narcissa, Rodolphus Lestrange, and Lucius Malfoy.
“Where’s your mother?” Lucius asked quickly, seeming tense and stressed.
“In the dining room I believe,” Regulus replied, following the four older kids down the hall.
“Cissy, take Regulus upstairs please,” Bella instructed.
Narcissa nodded and gently took Regulus’ arm and guided him upstairs. He had wanted to go and tell Sirius to be careful, he had a bad feeling about something. The cousins went and sat in his room, and Narcissa shut the door softly. She’d lightened her hair since he’d last seen her, it was typically a very dirty blonde, and was now shining platinum.
“Cis,” Regulus almost whispered, the house seemed eerily quiet.
“You don’t want to know,” she replied, she had dark circles under her eyes and she looked like she’d been crying.
“Please,” he begged, feeling his throat tighten. He felt stupid, letting himself get close to his brother again. Allowing himself to hope that he could actually have a place among Sirius and his friends. He felt stupid for getting emotional.
“It’s about the dark lord,” she said quietly. “They think it's about time that Sirius was a part of something bigger. Bella… look I don’t think it's a good idea, and I never wanted this to happen, but she and your mother agreed that it's past time for him to be put in line.”
“They wouldn’t,” Regulus took a shaky breath, not allowing himself to hope for the best, which always ended with heartbreak. “They wouldn’t kill him. Right?”
“I don’t know,” Narcissa admitted, her eyes glossed over. “I’m sorry Reg.”
Regulus sat with this for a minute, letting emotion consume him entirely. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream and cry and yell at Narcissa for not warning him, for not doing something. But he ultimately decided on something a bit more proactive; he lunged for the door and hurried down the stairs as quickly as he could, not hoping that he wasn’t too late. Something about the fact that Narcissa didn’t know what lengths her sister would go to, scared him. The thought of death was so permanent to him, and not having his brother was even scarier than the consequences he’d face if he barged into the study and tried to stop whatever was happening.
However, he only got to the landing of the stairs before Cissy managed to grab his arm, holding him back.
“Reg don’t,” she hissed. He yanked his arm and struggled against her.
“Cissy let me go! He’s my brother,” he snapped, fighting back tears. Somewhere in the house, he could hear muffled yelling and screaming.
“I’m not losing you too!” She replied, grabbing his other wrist, and holding him back while he struggled, finally allowing the buildup of tears to fall free.
“Let go of me,” he begged, turning to face her, sobbing. She just shook her head slightly, trying as hard as she could not break down right then and there. “Sorry,” he whispered, nearly choking on his tears. He kicked her in the knee and she fell backward into the wall. He dashed down the second flight of stairs and ran to the study, praying that he could still hear something behind the muffling spell and the door. He hesitated at the door, searching for anything, some sign that his brother was alive.
“Regulus!” Narcissa yelled, she caught hold of his arm again just as he threw the doors open.
What he saw made him want to throw up. Sirius was laying in a pool of his own blood, conscious but not able to move.
“I told you to keep him upstairs,” Bella sighed, trying to conceal the small dagger in her right hand.
“Leave him alone,” Regulus said quietly, “you’re killing him.”
“Your brother is suffering because of his own actions. He’ll be much more willing to do as he’s told now,” his mother glared at Regulus, who continued to hold his ground. “You haven’t been crying, have you? Tsk, Toujours Pur, Regulus.”
“You’re our mother, you’re supposed to love him,” Regulus insisted, his voice scratchy. Narcissa had let go of his arm now, watching in awe as he found some kind of new confidence.
“Regulus,” Bella warned, no longer hiding the blade she held. Using it to try and scare him into backing down, but something about seeing Sirius laying there drifting in and out of consciousness. “Obey your mother. Don’t talk back.”
“If she doesn’t consider me as her own child, why should I consider her my mother?” he asked, flinching away a little as he noticed his mother draw her wand.
“You are my son Regulus Arcturus,” she said through gritted teeth.
“But I’m not your heir, and that's all that matters to you isn’t it?” he glared, his eyes skipping over to Sirius every few seconds, it kept the fire under him going.
“Regulus Arcturus, you will do as I say,” his mother growled. “Go back upstairs this instant while we finish dealing with your brother.”
“No,” he said quietly, staring at the floor underneath his feet.
“What was that?”
“I said no,” he said a bit louder this time. Looking up to meet his mother’s eyes, he could see Bella in the corner of his slowly taking a step toward him.
“Diffindo,” Regulus hadn’t even noticed the pain at first, his mother’s voice was so calm. It was always like that, one minute he was fine, and the next he was almost collapsing from pain, and blood was seeping through his shirt from his chest. “If you insist on being so unable to follow simple directions then perhaps you need to see what will happen if do so again. Narcissa if you would?”
“Oh,” she said quietly, coming and supporting Regulus rather than holding him back. “I’m sorry Reg,” she whispered quietly in his ear. He didn’t blame her, it was survival of the fittest after all. He was shaking from the pain, trying to hold back tears, his mother said that tears were a sign of weakness, especially if only for a small bit of pain or discomfort. Blood was covering his chest by now and he felt nauseous and dizzy.
“Reg,” Sirius croaked, looking straight at his little brother.
“I thought I made myself clear when I told you not to speak Sirius,” his mother tutted, Narcissa’s grip on his shoulders tightened a bit as she pointed her wand at Sirius.
“Crucio,” she said swiftly. Sirius cried out in pain, Regulus couldn’t even imagine what kind of pain he was going through right now, and it scared him. He’d seen his brother go through hell and back almost every summer since he was eleven but this seemed different. All those years Sirius would never be very reactive, he’d never cry or scream, even when he’d been in a state such as Regulus was in now. But he was screaming now, he was crying, he was vulnerable.
“Changed your mind yet cousin?” Bella smirked, clearly enjoying the spectacle.
“Get fucked Bella,” he spat back. “I’m never going to be a part of your crazy cult.”
“Oh you little shit,” she hissed, kneeling down next to him and cutting his cheek. He winced and Regulus wanted to scream at her, but at the moment he could barely hold himself upright without Cissy holding his shoulders.
“Okay enough,” Lucius stepped forward from the corner where he and Rodolphus had been standing quite awkwardly. “We can’t kill him.”
“Says who?” Bella raised a brow.
“Says the dark lord,” he glared. “You can try again tomorrow, perhaps with a bit of time to consider his options, he’ll be more willing to do the right thing.”
“Fine then,” she huffed, “Let's go, cousin.” She said, grabbing Sirius’ shoulder and pulling him up. Regulus had never seen him look so defeated, he was pale and bloody, his eyes glossy from crying.
“Bring Regulus Narcissa,” his mother added. “Perhaps it’ll do him a bit of good being punished for the night for speaking the way he did.”
Cissy just nodded, helping him limp after his brother. He knew better at this point than to argue with her or Bella. He’d nearly fallen down the stairs to the cellar, but cissy caught him, giving him a look of pity, he just shrugged a bit collapsing down next to his older brother who was in a much worse state than he was, and still sitting up.
Both sisters went back upstairs without another word, Sirius had his hands bound and Regulus felt as if he couldn’t move.
“Has it stopped bleeding?” Sirius croaked after a minute. Turning to face the younger boy.
“Mostly,” he admitted. The pain subsided, and the sickness was mostly due to the blood loss, mother had perfected the spell so that it would bleed but then close back up after a few minutes, the effects weren’t deadly but they were torturous.
“I’m sorry,” he said after another minute. “You shouldn’t have had to watch that.”
“I’m the one who ran down to try and save you like an idiot,” he snorted.
“Yeah,” Sirius laughed, tilting his head against the wall. “Yeah, that was kinda stupid of you. I mean really, you against mother and Bella? Merlin, I remember when we were kids and you broke a vase, I cleaned it up and took the blame for you, you were crying so hard it was awful. I just wanted to shut you up so I said I would tell her it was me.” Sirius was full-on laughing now, Regulus was a bit scared honestly, he kept telling himself that maybe the curses their mother had used messed with his head a bit. “And now look at us. Locked in the bloody basement together, our mother hates us, and for the first time ever I think you tried to stand up for yourself, even if it just made things worse for both of us at least you tried huh?”
“Yeah,” he said quietly. He thought way too much about what his brother said, and he would for the next few months of his life too.
They sat in silence for an hour or so in silence, Regulus thought Sirius was dead once or twice, but before he would ask there was always a particularly ragged breath, or he’d cough. Eventually, the door opened and someone descended the flight of stairs. Regulus didn’t bother to open his eyes and braced himself for anything.
“Sirius?”
“Narcissa?” Regulus opened an eye, knowing that Sirius was probably too fucked to answer for himself.
“Everyone’s gone to sleep, I just thought…” she knelt next to them, gently removing the binds on Sirius’ wrists. “They’re going to do this Reg, they won't stop until they get what they want and I can’t just sit here and let it happen. I need to get him out of here, if he stays I don’t know if he’d going to be alive by the end of the summer.”
“James Potter,” he said quietly. “The Potters will help him, just send him off with a bit of floo powder. His wand is locked in the cupboard in the study, just get him safe please.”
“Regulus,” she said quietly. “I could send you with him… make sure they couldn’t ever force you to do anything you didn’t want.”
“If I leave too I’m putting both of us in danger, and the Potters… If mother and father lost both of their heirs then… Well, I don’t know what lengths they’d go to get one of us back and I really don’t want to find out. Just get him out, and I’ll find a way to survive.”
Cissy looked at him for a minute, then wrapped her arms around him enveloping him in a tight and warm hug. His cut twinged, and he winced away a bit.
“You’re braver than anyone I’ve ever met Reg,” she said quietly, letting go of him. “I promise I’ll come and check in on you once a week okay?”
He nodded, she wrapped Sirius’ arm around her shoulder and dragged his half-conscious body up the stairs. Regulus closed his eyes and tried to imagine what his life at Grimmauld place would be like without his older brother. It didn’t seem pretty.