Hottest of Hoggywarts
Marauders
Padfoot: party tonight @ Reg’s dorm
Padfoot: we WILL be there
Wormy: fuck yeah!
Wormy: throwing a party on his first night
Wormy: your brother sounds like a man after my own heart
Padfoot: don’t get your hopes up I have no doubt he’s absolutely detesting this
Prongs: I might sit this one out lads
Padfoot: are you bedridden?
Prongs: No?
Padfoot: then you’re going
Moony: irrational fear of Sirius’ brother rearing its head?
Prongs: No comment.
Wormy: LMAO
Padfoot: you don’t even know him
Padfoot: that one time you ran into him in Sainsburys doesn’t count
Prongs: I HIT HIM WITH MY TROLLEY PADS
Padfoot: and he has no hard feelings about it!!
Prongs: But what if he does
Padfoot: you’re impossible
Padfoot: here you’ll see
[Padfoot added Reg to Marauders]
[Reg left Marauders]
[Padfoot added Reg to Marauders]
Reg: What do you want?
Padfoot: nice of you to join us
Reg: I’m a hostage here.
Wormy: Regulus my love, we finally meet
Reg: Hello, Wormy?
Wormy: Peter, pleasure to meet you
Reg: Wish I could say the same.
Reg: “Regulus my love”?
Wormy: I hear youre throwing a party
Wormy: that would be the one quick way to my heart
Reg: I am not doing anything.
Reg: Sorry to break your little worm heart.
Reg: But that’s all my roommates.
Wormy: 💔
Reg: You’ll live.
Moony: I like this one
Moony: too late to trade brothers?
Padfoot: MOONS
Padfoot: you don’t mean that
Padfoot: we all know you love me
Reg: I don’t think I’d want to be traded here.
Reg: There is one tolerable person in this room.
Reg: Hi Remus
Wormy: besides adding Reg would leave dear prongs shaking in his boots all the time
Reg: ?
Prongs: ITS NOTHING
Padfoot: he speaks!
Padfoot: you’re not escaping this Prongs
Padfoot: James here is absolutely terrified of you
Reg: Maybe there’s two tolerable people.
Reg: I’m flattered.
Reg: I mean we’ve never even spoken?
Wormy: he hit you with a trolley at a Sainsburys once
Slytherwhores
Regulus: My brother and his band of dolts are insufferable
Regulus: and also coming to this party Evan and Barty are having
Regulus: I’ve been kind enough to issue a warning
Regulus: You all owe me. It will not happen again.
Dorcas: Your brother?
Regulus: Sirius Black.
Emmeline: YOUR BROTHER IS SIRIUS BLACK
Regulus: Yes?
Emmeline: Can’t stand that guy
Regulus: I like you more every day
Emmeline: LMAO we’re rival rugby captains
Emmeline: Him and Potter are going down this year
Regulus: I have no doubt.
Regulus: Speaking of I have to go console Potter.
Regulus: He doesn’t want to go to the party tonight because he thinks I hate him.
Evan: and you want him there?
Regulus: I couldn’t care less what he does.
Regulus: but he and my brother are so codependent I’m afraid they’ll both die without eachother.
Regulus: Andy wouldn’t be too fond if I let that happen.
Dorcas: and why would he think you hate him?
Regulus: He ran me over once.
Evan: HE WHAT???
Dorcas: HUH?!
Emmeline: REG????
Marauders
Padfoot: @Reg get back here and tell my Prongsie you don’t hate him
Reg: I might’ve considered
Reg: but I can’t anymore
Reg: I have to hate him now, house solidarity
Padfoot: ?
Reg: My loyalties lie with Emmeline now
Moony: bahaha
Wormy: lmao
Wormy: I told you lads rugby ruins all
Prongs: yknow what
Prongs: fair
Padfoot: FAIR??!!
Padfoot: I am your BROTHER
Padfoot: was EMMELINE there when you needed someone to fetch the stool for the sink to see your reflection????
Padfoot: OR WAS I DEAR PADFOOT THERE
Reg: I think I made up for that
Reg: Seeing as you still need someone to grab the stool.
Padfoot: I AM 5’9!! That’s taller an average!!
Prongs: tiny man
Wormy: microscopic
Moony: Like a little angry dog he is
Padfoot: Oi moon man you’re not allowed to talk, everyone looks like an ant to you
Padfoot: all eleven-foot tall
Moony: Pads I’m 6’4
Padfoot: same number.
Padfoot: anyway this isn’t about me
Padfoot: this is about the horrendous betrayal that had occurred
Padfoot: my own brother
Padfoot: a Slytherin supporter
Prongs: Slytherin is his house???
Reg: Rivalry with Emmeline damned
Reg: I think I like this one.
Padfoot: HOW COULD YOU
Reg: :)
Prongs: oh you are one cruel man
Prongs: Pads is in distress right now
Reg: That dramatic sod.
Reg: He’ll get over it.
Reg: Goodbye “marauders”
Reg: See you all tonight
[Reg left Marauders]
Wormy: he said all
Wormy: James youre going
**
Slytherwhores
(23:20)
Pandora: where di d yku all go
Emmeline: got my schedule I have class at EIGHT
Emmeline: I am in bed.
Pandora: Em no
Pandora: Im alokne
Dorcas: I’m on the balcony
Dorcas: there is the most gorgeous girl out here
Dorcas: feeling very gay rn
Regulus: The blonde girl with my brother?
Dorcas: the very same
Regulus: That’s Marlene, she was with us at Andy’s in the summer.
Regulus: You should talk to her.
Dorcas: TALK TO HER???? PLS
Regulus: Your loss
Regulus: Where are you Pan?
Pandora: kiychen
Regulus: and how much have you had to drink
Pandora: a coupke
Dorcas: a couple? I beg to differ
Regulus: I’ll be there in a sec.
Pandora: aww he cares.
(23:45)
Regulus: Pandoras with Emmeline
Regulus: and I hate James Potter
Evan: Woah what happened to consoling him that you don’t
Regulus: He spilt his RED drink on my new shirt.
Regulus: I can never forgive him.
Barty: the drama.
(00:30)
Barty: everyone has been herded out
Barty: thanks to yours truly
Regulus: Wow thank you so much Barty for getting rid of all the people you let in unexpectedly
Barty: im the best I know
Regulus: Night.
(6:30)
Pandora: everyone start saying your goodbyes to Emmeline
Dorcas: I second that
Evan: why are you two awake
Evan: HOW are you two awake
Pandora: ask Emmeline
Pandora: and her alarm clock
Dorcas: I’m not a violent person
Dorcas: I’m going to bludgeon her with it
Emmeline:…..goodmorning
Dorcas: you would say that
Pandora: good morning FOR YOU
Pandora: I am awake at 6:30 AM
Emmeline: I checked both your schedules
Emmeline: you both have 8am classes anyway
Pandora: meaning I had another hour and a bit to sleep?????
Dorcas: ^^^^
Evan: LMAO
Evan: Pandoras skin care alone will take her to 7:30
Evan: you should be thanking Emmeline
Pandora: …whatever
Evan: get ready for class Pan.
(11:00)
Barty: GOODMORNING
Pandora: it is eleven
Emmeline: and when were YOU waking up???
Pandora: not eleven no thanks to you
Emmeline: you’re welcome you made it to class in the end.
Pandora: AND LET ME TELL YOU WAS IT A CLASS
Evan: oooo teatime with Pandora my favourite
Barty: 💀
Pandora: so I’m in my eng lit class right our prof doesn’t believe in starting little ig so we’re dissecting a work
Pandora: and there’s this girl
Pandora: Lily Evans
Pandora: absolute gun
Pandora: Problem
Pandora: Me too
Pandora: so we’re like head to head right as we do this thing
Pandora: and she ends up with the last word
Pandora: AND THEN WINKS AT ME ON HER WAY OUT
Barty: idk sounds hot
Pandora: not hot Barty. Not hot, enraging.
Regulus: The tension in that room while they were going back and forth was suffocating.
Regulus: Felt like I was intruding on something really.
Pandora: none of you could understand us academics
Pandora: I’ll have to leave you all for Remus Lupin
Barty: Remus Lupin?
Pandora: tall guy, brown hair, dresses like a moth
Regulus: Usually has my brother trailing him like a lost puppy.
Barty: oh THAT Remus Lupin
Barty: yeah
Barty: Sirius is starting to make sense
Barty: we should trade
Regulus: My God
Regulus: Hang on
Barty: bring us the hotter brother 🤞
[Regulus added Sirius to Slytherwhores]
Sirius: HELLO MY SLYTHERIN WHORES
Barty: he full named us
Evan: Hello Regulus’ brother
Dorcas: Sirius.
Emmeline: BLACK
Emmeline: who let him in 🤔
Regulus: Temporary arrangement.
Regulus: Barty here just asked to trade
Regulus: Thought I’d remind them why they’re actually the lucky ones
Sirius: I take offense
Sirius: but more pressing matters
Sirius: I can see your older messages
Sirius: I happen to know one Marlene Mckinnon
Dorcas: OH??
Sirius: and one Lily Evans
Pandora: oh
Sirius: and I have an idea.
Sirius: hang tight.
[Sirius added, Lily, Marls, Dorcas, Evan, Barty, Mary, Reg, Pandora, James, Pete & Remus to
Hottest of Hoggywarts + Reg]
Regulus: THIS is your masterful idea
Barty: just sit back and watch chaos unfold Reggie my boy.
Regulus: Regulus.