Drinking
"May I have a word, Mr. Malfoy?" The sound of Professor McGonagall's voice jolted Draco from his thoughts as he was packing up his bag after their Transfiguration lesson. He looked up at her and saw nothing but concern in her eyes. Although he wanted to tell her there was nothing to be concerned about, he had seen himself in the mirror that morning.
He had been thin before, but now he was emaciated. Skin clung to bone so tightly he could see veins in his arms and legs and count every rib. He'd thought his robes were hiding the worst of it, but this morning he'd noticed it on his face as well. The bullying had gotten much worse, especially in the Dining hall and even though small bits of food were left in his room, it was never much and on no regular schedule.
"Sure, Professor," he said. There was a bone weariness in him that he knew came from a lack of proper nutrition. Although he wanted to care, he found that he couldn't. When all of the other students filed out of class, he approached her desk in the front of the room.
"You look like death walking, boy," she said, peering at him from over her glasses. "Another student approached me, concerned you may not be eating. Is that true?"
"Was it Potter?" Draco asked, not needing her to confirm it to know the answer. Harry was the only one who noticed him as anything other than a source to take their frustration out on.
"They also told me you are being bullied regularly. So now I ask you - why are you not defending yourself or reporting it to a teacher? You and I both know you're strong enough to easily fend off even a group of your peers." Her piercing gaze made him want to tell her the truth but he still believed his treatment was justified.
"I'm not - "
"Don't lie to me, Mr. Malfoy," she said sharply. "I may be getting older, but I'm perfectly capable of spotting your nonsense from a mile away. I may not have called you on it before, but I will gladly do so now. We have so few young wizards left that I refuse to see one as talented as you throw your life down the drain out of some misguided sense of right and wrong."
"Do you really believe I don't deserve it?" He asked. "If you claim to know even half of what I've done, you should know that the treatment I'm getting is the least of what I deserve."
She was silent for a long moment, looking at him with an intense expression of sadness and Draco shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. Outside in the hallway, he could hear students talking and laughing. Their world and his were so separate that it was hard for him to reconcile their existence. He walked around in a bubble, perpetually alone. Except for the brief moments when Harry spoke to him. Then, if just for a few minutes, he could pretend not to be quite so alone.
"Regardless of what you believe, I will not tolerate bullying at my school. If you are bothered again, I expect a full report on who the culprit is. Do you understand me?" Her expression brokered no argument so he just nodded and agreed. He had no intention of reporting anything as it would only make his life more difficult.
"Excellent. In the meantime, I'm going to send you and Mr. Potter to the village nearby to pick up a few supplies. I'll give you the rest of the day off from classes and expect you to return by nightfall. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Professor," he said, taking the list she gave him as well as a note promising payment from the Hogwarts account to give to any of the shopkeepers. "Thank you."
"You are dismissed. Mr. Potter is waiting for you at the front door if I'm not mistaken." He opened the door and left, the halls were empty as most students were in their next class and only a handful of stragglers were rushing to avoid too much of a punishment. They were too busy to cause him trouble and he slipped through the hall unnoticed until he got to the front doors where, just as McGonagall had said, Harry was waiting for him.
"I can fight my own battles," Draco said, knowing instantly who had told McGonagall about his troubles. Harry didn't even have the decency to look guilty. Damn Gryffindor sense of chivalry.
"No offense, but you actually weren't fighting anyone." Draco couldn't even argue but he was still annoyed Harry had said anything. "If you just stood up for yourself I wouldn't have said anything but I'm not going to watch you get beat up every day."
"How very fucking chivalrous of you," Draco said, striding past Harry into the chill winter air. "I suppose you expect me to thank you now."
"Actually, I expected you to be pissed," Harry corrected, closing the door after them and starting to walk. Draco noticed that their strides matched perfectly and felt just a little more annoyed at Harry because of it. Stupid Harry with his stupid caring and his stupid perfect stride length that came effortlessly and his stupid perfect face that always made Draco feel just a little bit better and...
Draco cut himself off before he could finish that line of thought and palmed the wand in his pocket absently. The memory of losing his wand still haunted him so he held onto it all the tighter for it now. Although he knew that Harry hadn't stolen the wand out of malice, a part of him would hold onto that forever. When Harry turned up at the Ministry with his wand, Draco reacted in a way that had his father glaring at him but he hadn't cared when his wand was back in his hand minutes after he was declared a free man.
"I know you're upset, but you can't keep suffering in silence," Harry said, breaking the silence Draco had maintained. "I know you think you deserve it, but some of the things they were doing to you were over the line. If I could have taken them all on myself I would have, but I had to tell Professor McGonagall."
"I still don't understand why you care," Draco said, still refusing to look at the boy next to him. He'd seen how happy Harry and Ginny looked together. He'd even seen the way Harry and Hermione and Ron were and he couldn't figure out where he could fit in that world. Not that Harry had invited him to join them at any point. Once, he'd thought Harry was gesturing him over but Ginny had caught his arm and when he'd turned to her, she'd kissed him, and Draco had turned and left, not needing to see more of that.
"Old habits die hard?" He offered with a shrug. "I spent so much time before the war watching you too. You just didn't notice."
"I noticed. I was watching you as well." The admission cost Draco but he kept his eyes trained ahead even when Harry stopped abruptly beside him for a heartbeat.
"It drives Ginny crazy. Hermione and Ron too."
"Why should she care? Surely she knows you're just watching to make sure I don't return to my evil ways, right?" Draco would die before admitting what he wanted Harry to say. Instead, he was greeted with silence. Harry trailed half a step behind him but he didn't say anything as they crossed an old stone bridge that led to the town. He said nothing when they turned into the first shop - an apothecary who led them past the desk when they showed her the letter from McGonagall.
They were loaded up with herbs that Draco placed into a pouch that expanded to fit anything put inside and never weighed more than a few kilos. She also gave them some prepared potions, including Pepper-Up which smelled too weak to Draco's nose. When they walked back out into the street, the wind deciding that moment to try to bite into them and chill them to the bone, Harry spoke at last.
"I think Ginny's jealous of you. She was always the one obsessing over me. I honestly didn't think of her as anything but a little sister for most of the time. Then she kind of settled us into dating. But I just watched you. She always thought - I dunno what she thought." He shrugged again and Draco wished he could speak but found his own mouth stuck shut. "It doesn't matter though. I have Ginny now and you have...are you still dating Pansy?"
That question caught him so off guard he sputtered out a laugh that had Harry giving him a funny look. "I'm definitely not, nor have I ever, dated Pansy. She is one of my dearest friends, but there is absolutely nothing romantic there. In fact, It's safe to say neither of us is the other's type."
"Oh. You two just seemed so close in school. I always thought... never mind." Draco didn't get a chance to comment because they made it to the next shop where they purchased a few dozen books that once again found their way into a pouch, this time one that Harry had been given so the books didn't crush anything from the apothecary.
The last store they had to go to was a supply store where they didn't pick up anything, but instead gave a letter and one of the vouchers to the smiling witch at the desk. She promised the necessary items would be delivered within the day and sent them off. Once they were back outside, they stood awkwardly in the alley. It was still far from nightfall so they technically had plenty of time before they needed to be back.
"Want to grab dinner?" Harry asked. "I'm assuming you're not embarrassed to be seen with me here."
"You're the one who should be embarrassed," Draco said. "Even your popularity isn't enough to shield you from what would happen if you were seen sitting with me."
"In case you hadn't noticed, I don't care overly much about my popularity. Maybe I used to, but I think it's safe to say we're both capable of change." The frustration in Harry's voice made Draco pause, but only for a moment.
"Maybe, but your girlfriend definitely cares about it." He didn't mean to cast shade at Ginny, but something about her just rubbed him the wrong way. Maybe the fact that she so obviously clung on because of the fame of Harry's name. Or that he'd seen her exchanging looks with Michael Corner the other day when Harry wasn't paying attention.
"She doesn't control me," Harry said indignantly. "I can do whatever I want without her input." Draco chose not to argue that since he'd seen more evidence to the contrary. Obviously, Harry didn't notice the majority of his actions were driven by his friends and his girlfriend.
"Fine. There was a muggle pub back there if you want to go. The fish and chips should be edible if nothing else." Draco led the way after Harry agreed. The confused look in Harry's eyes told Draco that even though he'd changed, Harry hadn't expected to what extent. Little did Harry know, Draco had been immersing himself in Muggle culture in the time they'd had off from school, even learning about television and cellular phones. Of course, he didn't have either since magic interfered with them but they were fascinating.
They went into the pub and Draco ordered for both of them while Harry continued to stare at him with confusion. "Didn't you grow up with muggles?"
"Yeah, but they never brought me anywhere," Harry said. "If they went out, I had to stay home. They usually locked me in my room under the stairs. Sometimes they brought home leftovers for me though."
The thought of a young Harry being left alone made Draco feel a kind of sadness he wasn't used to experiencing. Despite his unbearable Gryffindorness, Harry was a genuinely good person who tried to look out for his friends above all else. A five-, six-, seven-year-old child left alone at home by relatives who should have loved him made something ache in his gut that he didn't want to examine.
"I know not all muggles are like that, but how did that not make you hate them? It makes me hate them on your behalf. If you want someone to go hex them, I'd be happy to volunteer. Though I'd probably end up in Azkaban for real this time." Draco realized belatedly the drink he'd ordered must have contained alcohol, but the first mug was almost gone and they'd already refilled it so it would be a shame to waste it. "Would you visit me?"
"Draco, I think you're drunk," Harry said, laughing and slightly giddy. "I think I might be as well though."
"Answer the question, Potter," Draco said in his best imitation of McGonagall. "Would you visit me in Azkaban if I cursed your worthless muggle relatives?"
"Why not just teach me the curses and I could go do it?" Harry said. "I'm pretty sure I could kill someone and they'd just spin up a story about how the person was evil, even if they were like...the best person in the world. They'd never send me to Azkaban."
"Sure! I know loads of dark spells and curses. The ministry searched our house but only found like half of the spellbooks and items my father collected. I think we've got a necklace that would make your aunt sing everything instead of talking. And maybe some shoes that would make your cousin unable to go faster than a slow walk."
"Joke's on you because Dudley already can't go faster than a slow walk. Hey! Maybe he's already wearing those shoes." Harry laughed with each word and Draco felt his foot bump under the table.
"I think there's only the one pair. My great-grandfather did it when it got mad at my grandfather. My family is a bit screwy." Draco had once been proud of his family, although now that he knew better he wondered how he had ever considered them on the right side of history.
"I would visit you, by the way," Harry said. "I hope you don't end up there, but if you did, I would visit you." Draco was struck silent at that, unsure what he had wanted to hear Harry say. Obviously that, but the idea still made something in him feel lighter. Emboldened by Harry's confession, he blurted out the next thing he wanted to know.
"Do you love Ginny?" Even though the mood was more somber, they were far from sober and after only a moment of hesitation, Harry answered.
"Yeah," he said. "But I'm not sure if I love her like that. I think...it's more like family love maybe. I think she loves me, though. So that's alright."
"But you snog her. Isn't that gross?" Draco wrinkled his nose and Harry laughed, reaching over and poking it lightly.
"You're funny when you're drunk," he said, avoiding the question. "I wish everyone else could see you the way I see you."
"And how's that?" Draco challenged. Once again, Harry took a long moment to answer.
"Young. And good. And...and so handsome I don't know how you aren't dating anyone." The last one got Draco and rather than let the moment linger, he decided to continue the confessions.
"You asked about Pansy before, but the reason we never dated is that I prefer blokes. Yet another source of disappointment for my parents, although I don't think they really acknowledged when I told them or even admit it now." Harry looked like he was going to say something, but before he could open his mouth to do so, the waitress came up with their check and Draco dropped some money on the table for her. After she'd collected it and left, the mood had been broken.
"I guess we better head back," Draco said, standing up and wobbling slightly as they made their way outside. Harry was a little more steady and Draco realized belatedly that the other boy hadn't drunk his second mug where Draco had downed both.
When they turned onto the path that led back to the school, Draco found himself leaning on Harry and the other man's arm around his waist supporting him. The chill winter air bit into his face but he successfully fought the urge to turn his head into Harry's side to warm up as they got closer, it seemed like a better and better idea. He also sobered up a bit, but still didn't want to lose the contact he was sharing with Harry.
"Draco?" Harry asked, stopping just before they turned to be in view of the manor.
"Yeah?"
"Are you sober now?" Thinking he'd gotten caught by not pulling away, Draco took a moment to answer.
"I am. Are you?"
"Good." That was all the warning Draco got before Harry turned to him and kissed him. It was a quick, hesitant kiss but when Harry pulled back, Draco moved forward and captured his lips again. Harry didn't turn away but let the arm that was already around Draco's back pull them closer together and tongues clashed and Draco's world was shattered. They fit together in a way that Draco had only dreamed about, but better because Harry was warm and smelled like wood polish and cinnamon and was firm under his hand that was pressed to the other wizard's chest. Draco's fingers curled in Harry's cloak as if they could erase the minuscule amount of space between them even further.
At last, they had to break apart to breathe and Draco took a step back. Harry looked just as surprised as Draco felt. They stood in the silence, breaths panting in the cold air, for several long moments. Draco tried to read anything else in Harry's expression but found nothing he could decipher and far too much to handle simultaneously. Before another word could be spoken, Draco turned on his heel and strode away. No footsteps followed.