Days Gone By
With the end of term and holidays nearing on the student body of Hogwarts, the professors seemed to pile up work more than ever. With the increased workload and exams nearing Remus spent most of his free time stationed at a back table in the library, elbow deep in his studies. Peter would join him when he wasn’t occupied following after James and Sirius and their never ending mischief and they would go over their work together after dinner. James and Sirius were rarely seen doing work and were more occupied attending detentions they seemed to collect endlessly.
Sirius had started complaining about Remus’ lack of spending time with them and being cooped up in the library all day, to which Remus would roll his eyes, point out Sirius ought to join him in the library then to which Sirius would get all huffy and Remus would go on enjoying his peace and quiet study time in the library. He still joined them for meals but the rest of Remus’ time was dedicated to studying as he felt the need to prove himself worthy of attending Hogwarts.
“Do you think Evans fancies me?”
“Fat chance”
Remus let out a snort at James and Sirius' usual antics and looked up from his book to meet Sirius’ eyes, who was grinning brightly at him.
“See Jamie, Remus agrees and he’s the one who actually spends time with her.”
“How’d you do that anyway Remus, all the girls seem to flock to you.” James had given up catching Lily’s eye and turned to pout at Remus.
“I didn’t do anything, besides we just study together sometimes.”
“Uh huh sure thing casanova.”
Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius, closing his book and tucking it into his bag, “I’m going to drop by the library before class.”
As Remus made his way down between the tables his ears picked up Sirius’ whines of him being a ‘complete and utter swot’ causing the corners of his lips to tug up at Sirius’ ridiculousness. He was quickly joined by Lily and Mary and he could have sworn he heard Sirius and James groan.
“‘S Marlene not coming?” Remus asked as the three of them started their ascent up the marble staircase.
“Nope.” Lily answered while looping arms with Mary.
“Said she was meeting some Slytherin.” Mary quipped.
Remus hummed in contemplation, remembering the few times he had seen Marlene talking with a dark haired slytherin girl.
The three of them entered the library shortly after receiving stern looks from Madam Pince and moving out of the way of some sixth year Ravenclaws who seemed to be too occupied in their conversation to notice the three first year Gryffindors in their way. Remus made his way to the isle containing books on history, while Lily and Mary looked over potions books. He quickly scanned the spines of the many books, finally finding what he was looking for; a book about the laws surrounding magical creatures. Remus was hoping the book would have mentions of werewolf incidents, potentially tying back to Greyback. It was a far reach but Remus was getting rather desperate and didn’t really feel all too chipper about going to his father for information on werewolves. Remus frowned at the book as he remembered all the times he heard his father talk about his dislike towards werewolves, though he didn’t do it in front of Remus he ought to remember his son, a werewolf, has enhanced hearing due to his lycanthropy.
After checking out their books he and the girls made their way to class. Remus parted from Lily and Mary with a wave before making his way to James, Sirius and Peter – who were rather obviously and eagerly looking at Remus.
“What is it now?”
“Had a good date? Care to share with the class.” Sirius was smirking devilishly while James was now staring after Lily wistfully.
Remus rolled his eyes, “Yeah great I reckon the three of us will be married by next week.”
Remus smiled gratefully at Peter’s snort of amusement to Remus’ quip.
“So what did you do?”
“Sirius, we went to the library. Not much excitement to be had there.” Remus sighed, letting a small smile grace his lips as Sirius went on complaining about his frequent visits to the library and time spent with the girls.
Remus had to hang back to ask Professor Flitwick a few questions and told his friends to head to the dungeons for Potions instead of waiting for him. Remus wasn’t expecting to walk into a fight when he entered the dungeons and was hit square in the chest by Snape’s stinging hex causing him to double over and all the eyes in the hallway to turn to him. Lily, who was trying to hold Snape back, had her mouth open and eyes wide in shock. Peter was plastered to the wall and squealed out an alarmed ‘Remus!’ which in turn released James and Sirius from their shock and both boys immediately rounded on Snape. Peter hurried to help Remus off the floor, worriedly looking him over.
The moment Professor Slughorn opened his door ready to welcome the class Snape was hit by a Bat Bogey hex from Sirius. Slughorn spluttered at the scene unfolding before him.
“Mr Black my boy what is this?”
“Professor, Sirius only did that because Snape hexed Remus first!” James hurried to clarify all the while holding Sirius back.
“Potter and Black started it, the blood-traitors!” Mulciber sneered from beside Snape.
“You were the ones calling muggleborns names!” Sirius yelled, “Besides Remus had nothing to do with this he just arrived and Snape hexed him!”
Professor Slughorn eyes the students warily before clearing his throat, “Now now boys let’s not fight. Snape and Lupin head to the hospital wing- oh Pettigrew you’ll help Mr Lupin won’t you.” Slughorn clapped his hands as if to diffuse the tension, “Right everyone head in we’ll start class.”
Remus and Peter met up with James and a pouty Sirius after Potions for dinner – Snape’s hex had been rather potent, keeping Remus at the hospital wing and Peter offered to stay for company, neither of the boys fancying going to Potions. As Remus started filling his plate with assortments of food a thought came to the forefront of his mind.
“Did Professor Slughorn give Snape detention?”
“No, but I have to go scrub cauldrons for him… favouritism.” Sirius scoffed, scowling at his fork like the utensil had personally offended him.
“Oh… sorry.”
“It’s not your fault Remus, Snape is the one at fault.” James offered Remus a warm smile that did naught to lift his spirits.
“Besides there’s no time to be down, the Gryffindor versus Slytherin match is in just a few days!”
With James on the path of talking about quidditch they could do nothing to change the subject as James was extraordinarily stubborn when it came to quidditch. Sirius and Peter quickly joined in James’ enthusiasm, while Remus deemed it best to flip through his book for the rest of dinner.
The match between Gryffindor and Slytherin dawned on a chilly November day where the skies were clear and a gentle breeze whispering promises of winter ruffled the clothes and hair of the students making their way to the quidditch stands. Remus wasn’t too thrilled about the whole situation having much rather been curled up on the common room sofa next to the fireplace – the waning moon brought a deep chill down to his bones and Remus struggled to stay warm during that time. Sharp contrast to the stifling heat he felt when the moon was waxing nearer to its full.
He was coerced to attend the match courtesy of James, Sirius and Peter as it was apparently unbecoming of a Gryffindor to not attend the matches they play. That brought Remus to the chilly grounds outside the warm walls of the castle, making the trek to enjoy their first Hogwarts quidditch match. Remus was actively regretting coming along as he kept shivering despite his many layers and warming charms — the warming charm was the first thing Remus learned independently in his need for warmth. That regret multiplied when they reached the bottom of the stands and Remus was faced with what was way too many stairs.
Peter hung back and ascended the stairs at a lower pace more suitable for Remus, while Sirius and James were taking the stairs two steps at a time.
“Sorry Pete.” Remus sighed, feeling like a burden to his friend always slowing others down.
“Don’t mention it. It’s not like I’d be able to keep up with those two anyways.”
Remus couldn’t say he gained much enjoyment from the match, needing Peter to explain everything that was happening and still being utterly lost as to what was happening peering up at the flashes of red and green flying in the sky. He could cage most of what was going on just from James and Sirius’ enthusiastic over the top reactions.
The match ended with Slytherin winning by 10 points, leading to Remus and Peter being trailed to the castle by two miserable boys decked out in gold and red.
“You know since there’s no celebration we’ll have plenty of time to work on our assignments now.” Remus mused, earning himself three groans from his friends.
Though they were against it, the boys soon found themselves laying on their dorm room floor sharing the assortment of sweets Sirius had received for his birthday. Remus was actively working on his school work while Peter bounced between homework and watching James and Sirius play wizard chess.
“Sirius, can I see your Potions notes?”
“Yeah sure.”
After a few minutes of Remus flipping through his Potions book he sighed, “Sirius the notes please.”
“Right, right, sorry!” Sirius clambered up from his spot on the floor to fetch his notes while pointing to James over his shoulder, “No cheating Potter! I’ll know if you’ve done any funny business.” To which he received James poking his tongue out at his back.
With Sirius’ notes on hand Remus was able to correct and finish his Potions work – which honestly was a lost cause without Sirius’ knowledge in Potions.
”One of the Hufflepuff 4th years told me the kitchen is near their common room in the basement, should we go see?”
Remus snapped his head up to look at James, who was skimming through one of his quidditch magazines while watching Sirius and Peter play chess, at the mention of the kitchens. Sirius too seemed to perk up at the suggestion of prowling the corridors for new secrets.
”Come on then lads! It’s almost past curfew so we ought to get under the cloak here to leave unnoticed.”
Remus pushed his homework aside and stood up, listening to Peter grumble about Sirius bailing out on their match under his breath. The four boys shuffled under James’ invisibility cloak quite comfortably and started making their way to the common room and out. After a bit of fumbling they finally seemed to get the hang of moving discreetly and without jostling each other under the cloak and the trek to the basement went all things considered rather smoothly. If you didn’t count Peter almost falling through the trick step and almost colliding head first with a pair of patrolling prefects.
As they shrugged the cloak off in favour of more efficient search for the passage to the kitchens — which Remus was certain was very near if the smell was anything to go by. Remus walked further to the end of the corridor trying to discreetly smell the air to determine where the smell of food was coming from. He ended up in front of a painting of a bowl of fruit, sniffing the air slightly certain this was where the smell was the strongest. Remus examined the painting wondering if it worked similarly like the painting of the Fat Lady.
After mumblings of different food items and dishes beared no fruit Remus went to touch the painting, gently swiping his hand over it. To his surprise the pear in the bowl of fruit giggled quietly. Remus stared at it baffled before touching it again eliciting the same reaction.
”Um guys- I think this might be it.”
James, Sirius and Peter flocked to Remus’ side at his words and he showed them what he discovered.
”What, you tickle the pear?” Sirius scoffed while James reached his hand towards the painting to do exactly that and to the boys’ surprise the painting flung open revealing the entrance to the kitchens.
The boys climbed in and stood in the kitchens faced with tens of curious looking creatures with big bulbous eyes, flitting about the room carrying around pots and pans. Remus gaped at them not sure what he was seeing.
”Um, what are they?” Remus whispered as discreetly as he could.
”House elves. How did you think all the food got made and our rooms cleaned?” Sirius sent a curious look his way.
”Oh um I thought it was just… magic.” Remus mumbled, flustered at not knowing what house elves were.
He was saved from his embarrassment as one of the elves walked up to them smiling kindly.
”What can Jingle do to assist you sirs?”
”Oh could we get some tea Jingle?” James smiled kindly at the elf.
”Certainly, please do be seated.”
The elf, Jingle, pointed them to one of the long tables that mirrored the tables of the Great Hall. Jingle disappeared with a crack after they were seated and Remus looked around in wonder at the elves around them, some of them stealing glances at the four boys while they worked. It was rather obvious his three friends were used to house elves and paid them no mind leaving Remus feeling out of sorts and completely out of his element. Jingle appeared with a crack accompanied by the promised tea, startling Remus so he ended up smacking his knee against the table causing Sirius, who was sitting next to him, to snicker at him. They enjoyed their tea and with many thanks to the elves from Remus and James they were back under the cloak making their way up the back to the Gryffindor tower.
* * *
Remus was browsing through one of the many shelves of the library to see if anything piqued his interest, when an argument on the other side of the shelf reached his ears. He placed the book he had been looking at back on the shelf and moved closer a step to catch a glimpse who was braving facing Madam Pince’s wrath. On the other side stood a very frustrated looking Lily Evans, accompanied by Severus Snape whose hair fell lifelessly in front of his eyes.
“For goodness sake Sev, he hasn’t done anything to warrant the way you’re talking!”
“He’s following after Potter and Black and you expect me to believe he isn’t like those two, strutting around the castle like they own it.” Snape sniffed, “Besides, surely you’ve seen his scars, a freak.”
“Sev! You can’t say things like that, that’s rude!”
It was rather clear to Remus he was the topic of their little spat and didn’t fancy sticking around to hear any more of it lest he be noticed. He made his way out of the library finding a secluded nook of the castle, where he was able to go unnoticed and unbothered. Remus leaned against the stone wall wrapping his arms around his knees. He had known people would notice the many scars littering his body – though luckily the worst of it was hidden under his clothes – yet he hadn’t quite been prepared for the wave of emotions that would hit him when faced with the opinions of others. ‘Not that a greasy gits opinion matters, Snape’s one to talk.’ Remus frowned bitterly at his knees, as he chewed on his lower lip lost in thought. Did James, Sirius and Peter think he was a freak? No they wouldn’t. Remus shook his head chasing away the traitorous thoughts, surely they wouldn’t act the way they did if they thought of him like that. They were his friends, right? Friends didn’t call each other freaks because of their looks. Remus’ father’s words floated to the forefront of his mind, “Be careful Remus, you can’t trust anyone. The moment they find out what you are they will backstab you.”
Remus was lost in his thoughts, mind muddled by the ’what if’s and ’could be’s, when James’ cheery voice reached his ears.
”I told you already, Remus is most likely in the library and that’s why we’re going there now. Stop whingeing about it.”
”You’re one to talk, I’ve been listening to you talk about Evans’ eyes and hair for days now. She doesn’t fancy you mate, you ought to move on.”
Remus straightened from his curled positions and hastily wiped his cheeks as he heard Sirius and James’ voices coming nearer.
”Oh! There you are Remus!” James' voice echoed in the empty corridor as he and Sirius rounded the corner coming to where Remus had been hiding just moments before.
”Here I am...”
Remus fought the urge to flinch back as his eyes met with Sirius’ stormy grey ones that seemed to pierce through his very being, forcing a smile.
”Is everything all right?”
Remus cursed himself for crying over such a small thing when faced with Sirius’ worried eyes and tone. The smile slipped off his face like water. His red rimmed eyes a dead giveaway of everything being far from alright.
”Come on Remus you can tell us, we’re friends right?”
”And we’re worried.” Sirius added moving to sit across from Remus on the stone floor — James joining them soon after.
Remus worried at his lip debating if he should say anything or brush them off. But his friends’ worried eyes crumbled the last of Remus’ walls allowing them to see past his facade.
”It’s just…Snape. He said some things and- it’s nothing, it’s silly.”
”What did he say?”
Remus could hear a hint of anger in Sirius’ voice and it sent a strange flutter through his body.
”Just- you know.”
He gestured to his face — the faded small scars and scrapes littering his freckled skin — shrugging.
”That greasy haired git!” Sirius snapped, eyes growing furious as he jumped up and started pacing the corridor, muttering under his breath.
”He didn’t do anything to you did he?”
James’ worried voice made Remus peel his eyes away from Sirius and face his other friend.
”No. Just pointed out the obvious. He didn’t even know I was there.” Remus let out a self deprecating chuckle slip past his lips as he moved to stand up, brushing dust off his robes. ”Where’s Peter anyway?”
Evidently James and Sirius did not consider it silly as Remus and Peter walked into the Great Hall the next day only to be greeted by a red haired Snape spewing curses at James and Sirius who looked to be spurred on by Snape’s words.
”Now, now Snivellus, those aren’t very kind words.” Sirius mocked.
”Maybe we ought to close your mouth for you if you can’t keep it shut yourself.” James laughed.
Students around the hall snickered at the spectacle and antics of the two Gryffindor boys, no one seeing the need to stop them. Remus felt slightly bad for Snape but he had also mocked him so he wasn’t going to go out of his way to help him. James and Sirius weren’t after all causing him any physical harm, just a clever colour changing charm.
It ended with a furious Lily stepping between the three boys and telling Sirius and James off, yelling at them to leave Severus alone, leaving the Hall with him while James and Sirius skittered over to Remus and Peter at the Gryffindor table.
”I was wondering where you had gone, when Remus and I woke up to empty beds. Figured you’d gone to the quidditch pitch or something.” Peter yawned.
”Reckon he’ll bother you again after that?” Sirius brushed off Peter settling on the seat across from Remus.
”Probably doubled it now if anything.” Remus remarked but couldn’t quite fight the smile tugging at his lips.
”Evans looked really mad. Think she’ll think less of me now?” James mussed ruffling his hair, making it — if possible — even messier than it already was.
”Don’t think she thought much of you to begin with.”
Peter’s remark, between his bites of toast, earned him laughter from Sirius and Remus and a swift kick to the shin from James.
The boys made their way down to the greenhouses for their first lesson of the day, all of them huddled up to brace against the cold — Sirius had given Remus his scarf saying he ran hot and Remus obviously needed it more, to which Remus was incredibly grateful. The moon had started to wax but Remus was still plagued by a bone deep chill — be it from the moon or his own nerves, Remus couldn’t tell — leaving him to bundle up far more compared to his peers.
Peter was in a good mood, as Herbology was one class he could best his three friends at. Remus didn’t really care for Herbology, plants had always been more of his mother’s thing than his, but he had to admit the variety of magical plants was intriguing as were the many uses they posed. What Remus found suspicious was that on top of Peter, James and Sirius seemed to be in too good of a mood for their current situation — freezing their bottoms off plucking weeds. He eyed them warily, trying to figure out what they could be planning and if he’d need to make sure he steered clear as to not get in trouble by proxy. Sirius seemed to feel Remus’ eyes studying them as he elbowed him sharply in the ribs.
”Oi Remus, less looking and more working.”
Remus glared at Sirius, rubbing at his now aching ribs.
”Why are you two so chipper? Are you planning something?”
Before Sirius could answer him James walked over dumping a bag of weeds on the table and leaned his arm on Remus’ shoulder.
”You’re coming to watch the quidditch match today, right Lupin?”
Oh so that’s why they’re in such high spirits.
”It’s Hufflepuff versus Ravenclaw right? I don’t see a reason why I’d need to go.”
Remus shrugged James off of him, his body aching uncomfortably with the full moon under a week away.
”Your dad was a Ravenclaw right, so you should go!”
Remus rolled his eyes at James, ”But I’m not my Dad am I?” The words were tinged with a bitter edge, leaving Remus feeling sour.
”It’s fine James, Remus doesn’t need to come if he doesn’t want to, we’ll be coming with you either way.” Sirius placated James, gesturing between himself and Peter.
Remus was feeling overly irritated and he felt like he’d chew the next person's head off who disturbed his peace. He was laying down on his bed, the dorm empty and quiet as his friends were out sneaking to the kitchens — a visit he had denied joining. Remus stared at the canopy on top of his bed lost in thought, rubbing at an old scar on his arm that was itching irritably.
He was brought back to reality by three gasps, rising to see Sirius, James and Peter staring at him — at his arm. Remus followed their eyes and realised he had rolled up his sleeve while rubbing the old scar and it was now completely on show for his three friends to see. He hastily pulled down his sleeve before muttering a quick ’I’m going to bed’ and pulling the curtains shut around his bed, curling under his blanket dreading facing his friends the next day. They had clearly seen the scar. Remus couldn’t simply talk himself out of this, the scar was ugly and big and all Remus wanted to do was cry. So he did, he cried silently until sleep overtook him.
December 2nd
It had been days since his friends saw one of his bigger scars — the day of the full — and Remus was on edge, jumping at any little noise with dark bags under his eyes. But they hadn’t mentioned it. After that night the three of them had acted like nothing had happened, not treating Remus any differently yet he still couldn’t relax. He was left waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Remus had taken to spending more time with the girls in an attempt to avoid the three Gryffindor boys, which turned out to be rather difficult as Remus forgot how stubborn they were.
Currently he was sitting next to Peter and James in the Great Hall for dinner, tuning out their chatter as he pushed the food around his plate.
”Hey Remus!”
Remus startled looking up and meeting Sirius’ worried eyes.
”I’ve been calling your name for ages now, what’s wrong?” Sirius’ brows furrowed creating a small crease between one side of his brows.
”Sorry, I’m just not feeling too well. I- I should go.” Remus moved to stand up only to be stopped by James’ hand on his arm.
”Where?”
”Madam Pomfrey.” Remus provided what he hoped was a reassuring smile before yanking his arm out of James’ grip and rushing out of the Great Hall and to the Hospital wing to wait for him to be escorted to the Shrieking shack. Just past the Great Hall doors Remus realised he had left just as pudding was about to arrive and nearly walked straight back in. With missing pudding now making Remus even moodier he grumpily stomped the corridors to the Hospital wing.
Madam Pomfrey was surprised to see him earlier than expected and made Remus sit at an empty bed while she finished up filling her cabinet. He sat at a bed next to a window, gazing out of it, his vision blurring as his thoughts swirled through his head, whipping around like the wildest highland winds.
Madam Pomfrey’s warm hand on his shoulder brought Remus back to reality as he turned to face her, his frown melting slightly at the warmness swirling in her eyes as she studied him.
”Ready now dear?”
Remus nodded, swallowing the emotions bubbling up his throat ready to burst. He trailed after the school matron quietly, glancing at the sky every now and then. The sky was dark and the few stars already visible were hidden by a thick blanket of dark clouds, promising rain. Before him Madam Pomfrey tutted.
”The weather is ghastly, I fear to leave you in that old shack alone in such conditions.”
”It’s fine. The wolf won’t mind it either way.”
”I do wish you’d talk more kindly to yourself dear. I’ve stored some thick blankets for you under the bed.”
”But-”
”Don’t you mind that dear, if you end up ripping them up that’s neither here nor there.”
They walked the tunnel in silence, giving way for Remus’ nevers to fester and grow. By the time they arrived at the trap door to the shack Remus was a nervous, agitated mess. Every sound and smell was too much and he just hoped Madam Pomfrey would leave quicker, to not witness him like this. Remus was ashamed. Of himself or the wolf, he wasn’t sure. Did it even matter, in the end the wolf was him no matter how hard he or his father would like to think otherwise.
With one last check and a warming charm placed over Remus, Madam Pomfrey left and he was left alone in the shack once again. The winds whipped around and against the shack, whistling in the chimney making Remus’ skin prickle.
After a while the sound of rain pounding against the windows and roof drowned out the wind as Remus curled up tighter under the warm maroon blanket the school matron had procured for him. It smelled lovely; like lavender and cinnamon. A smell the school matron carried around herself.
Before long Remus was left crying and screaming, limbs tangled in the softest of blankets as his bones broke and reformed. Muscles ripping apart and mending to a new form. Remus’ screams of agony and cries of help were drowned out by the relentless water pouring from the skies, masking a young boy’s agony.
* * *
The wolf was tangled in fabric, limbs stuck causing it to fumble around helplessly. It growled and ripped at the blanket the young boy before it had used as comfort. The wolf, free from the offending blanket’s grip, gained great joy from ripping the blanket apart, scattering pieces of fabric all around the room.
The wolf soon moved downstairs where it sat sniffing the air. The rain muddied together smells, leaving the wolf with less of the outside smells. It quickly grew frustrated, wanting to smell the many critters and plants of the forest just beyond its reach.
It quickly moved its attention to the furniture, gnawing and breaking it between its teeth, uncaring of the splinters embedding to its snout and gums. The wolf was agitated beyond belief. It needed to taste blood, to chase and run, to howl under the moon with its own pack. To howl at the moon, with its rays basking the wolf in its graces.
It wanted out and took to the windows, boarded with wood and enhanced with magic. It jumped, bit, ripped and thrashed. The wood wouldn’t give, only granting the wolf more wounds.
* * *
Remus woke up with the metallic tang coating his tongue. His mouth was destroyed, the wolf had ripped its teeth out going at the windows. Remus sobbed, cupping his hands over his aching and bleeding mouth as he looked around the room. What could be called the living area of the shack was covered with the wolf’s blood — Remus’ blood. He traced his eyes over the splatters of blood coating the walls and floor before braving a glance at himself. Remus was covered in blood, the sight so grim he nearly went sick from it. He couldn’t spot anything drastically wrong. Remus could only see the blood and feel the waves of pain pulsing through his body before his eyes closed once more and the welcome arms of unconsciousness wrapped around him.
Remus’ eyes fluttered open before he screwed them shut once more as the bright light of the Hospital wing assaulted him. He heard a hearty chuckle from next to him. Remus turned his head and cracked open one eye to be greeted with Sirius’ smiling face. Remus sat up gingerly, moving his tongue over his now healed but still tender gums.
”Took you long enough, James and Peter already left. James promised to help Pete with his Transfiguration essay since you’re unavailable.” Sirius smiled cheekily at him, ”How are you then sleeping beauty.”
Remus scoffed, ”Bugger off.”
Remus wasn’t able to fight the smile that formed as Sirius laughed next to him and told him all about the mischief the three of them had gone up to while Remus was holed up in the Hospital wing.
”Oh and!” Sirius turned to rummage through his bag before emerging with a notable stack of parchment. ”All the notes from today's classes, I knew you don’t like missing lessons so I made sure to write the notes detailed for you.”
Remus took the notes from Sirius and flipped through them, amazed at the quality of the notes Sirius had provided.
”Thank you.”