Research and Flying Lessons
It took a few days for Remus to shake off the effects of the moon but he was feeling positively better by the end of the week. The presence outside that shack during the full had sent Remus straight to the library. He had no doubt it had been another werewolf and needed to make sure if werewolves had such strong familiar reactions to all other werewolves or if he would have to accept that Fenrir was closer than he ever expected. The possibility of Fenrir being near and having been near him for all these years sent a cold shiver of fear down Remus’ spine, though the curiosity was lurking close under the surface. Could Remus talk with Fenrir? Ask him all the things that had been shoved to the back of his mind since he was bit. Most of all Remus was afraid of the feeling of belonging and family the closeness of the other werewolf brought to him during the full. The feelings were so strong they were palpable to Remus even after his transformation. Remus never thought he’d fear the feeling of closeness and belonging, but he could safely say those exact feelings were now incredibly scary and confusing to him.
Remus was lugging yet another thick book with him to the Gryffindor common room, all the others he had read through had only focused on the werewolves appearances or how to kill them, which on top of being rather gloomy and unpleasant had offered absolutely no help into learning about the behaviours of werewolves and their interactions with other werewolves. He only had a sliver of hope left that this book would help him find what he was looking for, from the skimming he did in the library it seemed promising but it really came down to the details.
On top of the books not providing what he needed, Remus needed to take great care so that his friends wouldn’t discover what he was researching. He had been forced to show and explain his map to cover up all his research, he had at first wanted to keep to himself, but after the intrigue and excitement from his friends he decided to let them help him work on it. Now he was quite excited to share it with his friends and had even written to his mother about it. Remus had never shared things with other kids his age, always secluded from others and kept home. Sharing the map was exciting yet nerve wracking to Remus as it was something completely new to him.
Since sharing his now not so secret map with James, Sirius and Peter – just a day after his release from the Hospital wing – James and Sirius had took it upon themselves to sneak out after curfew under the invisibility cloak and had managed to map out the whole of the seventh floor in just two nights, including a new secret passage they found. Peter had been helping Remus research different spells for the map, finding an interest in mapography. Even with James and Sirius doing bulk of the work so far, they had appointed Remus the unofficial leader and owner of the map due to it being his idea, and Remus was appointed the task of keeping the map safe during summers. Still giddy from how good things were going with his friends, Remus completely lost in his own world, walked straight into another person dropping his book and his bag slipping off his shoulder, his ink bottle shattering as it hit the stone floor. Remus caught his balance, hand against the wall before looking up, brushing some stray curls of hair off his face, eyes meeting with none other than Severus Snape.
Remus paled looking at Snape’s sneering face, scrambling to collect his bag and book. Before Remus managed to pick his book up from the floor, Snape had already picked it up studying it with a scowl on his face before looking at Remus with a sneer.
“What’s this? Studying the beasts in case you have to go live with them, Loony Lupin.”
Remus bit the inside of his cheek, holding himself back, “Give it back, Snape.”
Seemingly not getting the reaction he was looking for, Snape shoved the book at Remus’ chest before going on his way. Remus let out a deep relieved sigh thanking the stars the book was about multiple different magical creatures and not just about werewolves. Remus had quickly learned not to let such comments bother him, as the moment anyone took notice of the scars littering his arms or the few faint ones on his face they would weather start looking at him warily or throwing jeers at him. He had hoped magical people wouldn’t do it too but in the end they weren’t too far from muggles and he was quickly ostracised among them too. Though at Hogwarts it was mostly the Slytherins, James and Sirius made their opinions of the actions of people who spoke ill of Remus very clear, to Remus’ embarrassment. They had taken to pointing out people who were mean to Remus, rather loudly and extravagantly and it made Remus’ ears heat up every time. No matter how embarrassed he’d get Remus was glad to have friends who stuck up for him.
What Remus learned he wasn’t too glad about, was having all three of his friends be obsessed with quidditch and flying. As flying lessons closed in Remus was not at all looking forward to it, he was terrified of the possibility of falling and could not fathom putting all his faith on a stick of wood. How it flew in the first place Remus had no idea. James made quick work of pestering Remus about flying every second of the day, to the point Remus had simply learned to tune him out as he went about his day doing homework and research.
Remus made his way past Snape and climbed his way to the Gryffindor common room and to his dorm, storing the book in one of his bedside drawers instead of on top of it or on the table. He didn’t want to leave it in case his friends figured out what he was doing and what he was.
* * *
Remus stood outside with the other first years, staring down at the broomstick that lay on the grass he deeply regretted not paying more attention to James’ ramblings. Remus fidgeted nervously in place sneaking glances at his friends who were engrossed in a conversation, no worries or stress to be seen. Remus took a look at the other first years and found most were equally as relaxed as James, Sirius and Peter. Lily however, much like Remus, was positively baffled at how the broomstick could safely fly. Remus and Lily shared a look of pure terror before startling to attention as Madam Hooch started the lesson.
Remus had gotten the broom up and himself seated rather seamlessly, he however refused to do anything more than hover so that his toes just barely touched the grass below. Going any higher wasn’t an option in Remus’ mind. James and Sirius would fly around him trying to encourage him to fly higher, but if Remus was something it was stubborn. They quickly figured out Remus was a lost cause and left him to his leisurely hovering. Remus couldn’t understand how anyone liked flying; the brooms were so uncomfortable and having your feet on steady ground was much more pleasant. He had to admit watching James, Sirius and Peter fly around doing swoops in the air was entertaining and he could say the time wasn’t completely wasted. Marlene and Mary had quickly picked up flying like the rest of their peers — Marlene apparently having flown since she was very little — leaving Lily and Remus behind as the only students who didn’t join the others, and instead opted to hover and chat to each other. Remus and Lily had quickly grown rather close and Remus found the girl extremely pleasant to be around. They were able to talk about muggle and wizarding world experiences they had and the lessons went by pleasantly as they. chatted and laughed together. Remus was grateful Lily didn’t feel the need to point out his scars.
After flying lessons James had klocked the forming friendship between Remus and Lily and was now pestering Remus over it. Remus’ fork clattered loudly against his face as he gave up on eating and instead turned to glare at James.
”If you want to talk to her, go do it and stop pestering me.”
Sirius snorted from beside James and slapped his back, ”You know not to bother Remus when he’s eating mate, don’t know what you expected.”
”Why does she like Remus but hates my guts?” James’ whining made a few heads turn in interest.
”Probably because Remus doesn’t bother her constantly.” Peter piped up between his bites of food.
”I’m not bothering her!” James’ protest pulled a snort out of Remus.
”Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.”
Remus’ retort left James spluttering nonsense while Sirius and Peter had slapped their hands to cover their mouths in an attempt to stifle their laughter. That was when Lily, Marlene and Mary walked up to Remus, smiles on their faces – Lily rather pointedly ignoring James.
”Hi Remus, are you going to the library after lunch?” Mary asked, beaming at Remus.
”Yeah I was planning to.” Remus ignored Sirius’ and Peter’s protests of him going while looking up at the girls.
”Great we’ll go together then, if that’s alright with you Remus?” Lily flipped her hair over her shoulder while addressing Remus.
”Yeah that’s great I’ll see you there then.”
With that Remus turned back to his lunch while the girls made their way to the library. After a minute of silence Remus looked up at his friends curiously only to find all three of them staring at him open mouthed.
”Bloody hell Lupin.” Sirius raked a hand through his hair, a smile forming on his face.
”What?” Remus had no idea what made his friends like that or why Sirius was so impressed.
”You- since when did you hang out with the girls? How did you do that?” Peter was looking at Remus like he had grown two heads.
”What? We’ve talked some, they’re in the library almost as often as I am.” Remus shrugged, starting to pull his bag over his shoulder. ”If that’s all I’ll continue my research for the map.”
And with that Remus was out of the Great Hall and making his way up the stairs to the library. He was still quite puzzled by his friends’ reactions to him being friends with the girls by the time he reached the library and decided to push those thoughts aside as he joined the girls at a table near the back of the library.
Remus had finally found a book that would help them with the map. It had great explanations on how to mix spells as well as spells for hiding ink on the parchment. Remus was fond of the idea of being able to hide the map and then make it reappear. Sirius and James had quickly jumped on it claiming it would be perfect for mischief making. So focused on his work Remus didn’t realise Marlene was calling for him until she tapped the page Remus was on. Startled, he looked up to find Marlene with a lopsided grin on her face.
”I know that’s not homework so what’s got you so focused you can even hear us calling you?”
”Oh sorry Marlene, I- it’s just some research… for fun.” Remus shrugged a sheepish smile on his face.
The girls studied him for a moment — that felt far too long in Remus’ mind — until Marlene spoke up again.
”We were talking about the Potions essay and wanted to ask if you’d done it already.”
“Oh-” Remus scrunched up his nose in disgust at the mention of Potions, “I’m only partially done, we’re going to finish them together with Peter after dinner.”
“What about Potter and Black?” Mary asked, her curls bouncing as she leaned her chin on her hand.
“They’re probably going to be off somewhere again, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them actually do homework before.”
“Ah, that's why they keep losing so many points.” Lily sent a pointed look at Remus.
Remus rubbed the back of his neck, “Um yeah… but only when they don’t bother copying my work before class.” A smile formed on Remus’ lips, he never minded them copying off of him, not that they really needed to copy him to be able to get the right answers.
“Humph, idiots.” Lily scoffed, pulling a snicker out of Remus.
<
* * *
Remus entered the dorm coming back from his chat with Professor Slughorn after dinner. Apparently his performance at class was poor and the Professor wanted to know what was the cause of it. Remus had had to make up an excuse of smell induced migraines – not exactly a lie — to get Slughorn off of his case. Remus took a look around the room, only spotting Peter on his bed working on the charms homework from the day before.
“Remus! What took you so long?” Peter sat up when he noticed Remus’ arrival.
“Slughorn.” Remus grumbled, setting his bag down to pull his homework and quill out. “Where’s James and Sirius?”
“They went off again with the cloak. Said something about the dungeons.” Peter shrugged, chewing at the end of his quill.
“For the map maybe?” Remus pulled his work to Peter’s bed as they prepared to finish their homework together.
“Mmm, probably.”
After finishing their work Remus and Peter had moved to playing chess – Remus losing terribly against Peter even with Peter’s advice. It was during their third round that James and Sirius bursted into the room, took a look around before making a beeline for Remus and Peter.
“We have a problem.” Sirius said while waving a piece of parchment around.
“The dungeons can’t be mapped.” James added to answer Remus and Peter’s confused looks.
“Surely there’s a way.” Peter said, going to flip through his notes on charms.
“Right, we’ll just map out the rest and come back to the dungeons later.” James stated while folding the invisibility cloak away.
“Wait, what do you mean it can’t be mapped?”
“Just that, there’s some spell to make it impossible to map it or something. The ink refused to stick no matter what we tried.” Sirius flopped down on his bed dramatically.
“That’s odd…”
Remus relished in the feeling of sharing a common interest and goal with his friends. The map had brought all four of them closer to each other making Remus feel warm and fuzzy inside.
The past weeks had gone similarly to the rest. Remus' focus was being divided between his work for classes and research for the map. The four boys went on “mapping quests”, as James liked to call them, mapping out floors of the school and trying to discover all the secret passages in the castle. Remus had noticed a faint smell of chocolate in one of the fourth floor corridors, but hadn’t mentioned it as it seemed none of the others had noticed so it must have been his werewolf senses picking up something. He also spent a fair chunk of his time in the library, much to Sirius’ disdain as he said the library was for swots and had made a point of never stepping a foot inside unless it was for a prank.
Remus had also kept his werewolf research going, yet to find anything too useful. He’d read through the books when everyone else was asleep, hidden behind his bed curtains and blanket as he flipped through books soaking up as much information as he could. During his moments of solace and secret research, Remus could often hear James and Sirius sneaking into each other's beds and whispering before casting a silencing charm. Remus sometimes wondered what the two boys talked about but didn’t see it as his place to pry as he too kept secrets from the others. He doubted what they talked about was anything close to his furry little secret, that still weighed heavy on Remus’ shoulders.
Every now and then Remus would slip into Sirius’ bed and they’d talk about his brother and end with Sirius asking Remus all and everything muggle related. Remus would do his best to explain everything he knew from what he learned from his mother and it always seemed to brighten Sirius’ mood before Remus would slip out and head to his own bed.
* * *
With October nearing its end it promised many things. For one the weather would keep changing, the winds blowing colder and in just a few more weeks snow would cover the grounds surrounding Hogwarts, promising the students the solace of winter and with it the holidays. Its end too, promising the students of Hogwarts a great feast for Halloween, the students buzzing with delight. For four young Gryffindor boys it promised something even more, for at the start of the next month Sirius would turn twelve and that they wanted to celebrate. For one more boy it promised something dreadful, hidden between celebrations Remus would have to face the full moon alone once more. Remus feared that with the full moon just a day before Sirius’ birthday, he would not be able to make it.
He of course joined James and Peter in their excitement of planning a surprise for Sirius the moment James had found out when his birthday would be. Though joining in on the excitement Remus worked to keep his emotions low to not show the conflict of his mind. To plan a surprise for his friend Remus of course wanted to join, but to be faced with the moon would leave it all to chance. There was a chance that Remus would still be bedridden by the time Sirius’ birthday came and he hated to think of not being there with his friends. Would they be angry, disappointed? Perhaps they would conclude Remus was a no good friend, for who does not make it to their friend’s big day. With these thoughts swirling in the deep recesses of his mind Remus planned with his friends for Sirius. If he could not make it and they deemed him not a friend anymore, he could at least say he had friends for a while, that he even gave a friend a birthday gift once.
The gift had sent Remus for a loop. He had no idea what to give a friend and was now eagerly waiting for his mother’s reply for advice as he refused to not have anything for Sirius. The moment the owls swooped into the Great Hall to deliver the morning mail Remus’ eyes were scanning, hoping his mother had a reply. For naught once more as no letter came and Remus was left to poke at his eggs a small frown forming on his lips.
”Oi Remus — hey earth to Remus!” Sirius flicked a sizable bit of eggs at Remus finally catching his attention.
”What?” Remus wiped the eggs off his cheek looking at Sirius in question.
”What’s got you all in your head?” Sirius stirred his tea before setting the spoon down, ”You’re just messing with your food not eating any and you started frowning the moment the mail came.”
”Did not.”
”Did too!”
Remus pouted, turning back to his plate popping a piece of sausage in his mouth.
”So what is it? Gonna tell us your little secret, Remmy.” The teasing edge was tangible in Sirius’ voice.
”Just waiting for a letter from my ma, and don’t call me that!” Remus pointed his fork angrily at Sirius a bit off eggs flicking at James.
”Jeez, can you two not go one meal without making a mess.” James gave pointed looks to both Sirius and Remus making them shrink back slightly.
”Sorry James.” Remus flashed him a sheepish smile handing James a napkin.
”I think we ought to plan something for Halloween, right lads?” James mused while wiping eggs off his arm. ”It’ll be the perfect time to do something big and flashy.”
Have you thought of anything?” Peter asked.
“Well- no, but we have time so if we start planning now we’ll have something grand set for the feast.” James mused, mussing his hair in thought.
“At the end of the feast preferably, if you don’t want to face the wrath of Remus.” Sirius sent a wink at Remus causing the tips of his ears to heat up as he sent a rude finger at Sirius causing him to burst into laughter.
“Mm- whatever I’m going now.” Remus said as he started to gather his belongings.
“What where?” James exclamation made Peter spill his juice in surprise, earning James a reproachful look from Peter.
“To work on the map.” Remus answered while pulling out the parchment from his bag.
“Oh! Can I come with?” Peter piped up while wiping juice off himself.
“Sure, I’ll wait outside the Great Hall.” Remus mused while tucking the parchment holding the map under his arm.
He stood near the marble staircase waiting for Peter while he studied the map. James and Sirius had managed to add a lot to the map during their night excursions – the dungeons still evading them. Remus himself had managed to map out most of the bottom floors, even finding quite a few secret passageways and hidden rooms.
When Peter joined Remus they made their way to the fourth floor. Peter bounced from wall to wall inspecting paintings, armors, alcoves and tapestries, reporting his findings back to Remus who dutifully drew down the map as they moved. Time spent with Peter was different than with the four of them or just Sirius or James, he found he enjoyed the quiet understanding of not needing to talk all the time and just being in each other's presence being enough.
After a pregnant silence between them as Remus stopped to draw down a portion of the map, Peter piped up, “You know Remus… I really like spending time with you.”
Remus, taken by surprise, stopped his drawing and looked up at Peter, “Oh… I- I really like spending time with you too Peter.” A bright smile formed on both of their faces as they went back to working on the map, both now slightly giddy, smiles stuck to their faces.
The two boys wandered about the fourth floor – Remus lingered around a statue of a hunchbacked witch, where the smell of chocolate was the strongest – receiving questioning looks from other students as they passed, with Peter upturning the hallways and Remus following close behind nose buried in parchment furiously scribbling away. They managed to finish mapping out about a third of the fourth floor, including a secret room Peter found, before they had to make their way to class meeting up with James and Sirius for Charms.
That day at the start of dinner a barn owl flew down to the Gryffindor table depositing a package and a letter in Remus’ lap. His friends’ curious eyes followed him as he ripped open the letter, reading through what his mum wrote before hurriedly tucking the package away in his bag. The present for Sirius had finally arrived – a book of muggle fairy tales and fables and two bars of Remus’ favourite muggle chocolate – his mother had put together a lovely present taking into account what Remus’ had written about Sirius, focusing on his interest in muggles while sharing a piece of Remus with the gift.
* * *
The Great Hall was decorated to the nines for the Halloween feast, pumpkins lining the walls and tables with bats flying around over the students' heads. While the decorations were painstakingly done and created the perfect atmosphere. Though Remus’ eyes were much more focused on the spread of food covering the tables. He had stopped at the entrance jaw dropping to the floor, forcing Sirius and James to drag him to take their seats at the end of the table, closest to the doors — they had a prank to execute and had deemed the end the best place to both do it and be able to slip out of the Great Hall unnoticed while the mayhem would start.
Sirius and James were buzzing in anticipation barely able to focus on eating, while Peter was wringing his hands in nervousness. Remus however was completely and utterly focused on the feast before them piling his plate full of food — the amount could have fed a grown bull according to James. Hogwarts feasts were always wonderful but the Halloween feast was on another level feeding both Remus’ eyes and stomach until he was full and satisfied.
With the feast starting to come to an end the four boys shared knowing looks before moving to bring their wands out of their pockets and raise them together under the table discreetly. They locked eyes with each other nodded and with certainty all four of them moved their wands in unison. All around the Great Hall the decorated pumpkins rose to the air floating innocently around the tables bobbing up and down in the air gaining everyones’ attention. With one more shared look and a nod the four boys lowered their wands and slipped out of the Great Hall as fast as they could as it delved into chaos behind them. They tucked themselves into an alcove near the entrance of the Great Hall to witness their long awaited prank. Hours upon hours had been devoted to planning, countless late nights spent in the dorms going over and perfecting the prank. Remus had even put aside his personal research to focus more on the prank.
Inside the Great Hall the pumpkins dropped from the air smashing to pieces on the floor, tables and some unfortunate students – Sirius had aimed quite a few pumpkins at the Slytherin students – and that was when the true chaos began. The boys had sneaked dung bombs inside the pumpkins with the help of James’ invisibility cloak and the bombs exploded and spread foul smelling scent over the whole Great Hall. Students screamed and scrambled to get out of the Great Hall pushing over each other in their haste to get out. The chaos only lasted a moment before Dumbledore stood up and waved his wand, disapparating the pumpkins and dung bombs.
He addressed the students with a small smile playing on his lips, “It appears we have some pranksters in our midst and in Halloween spirits they seemed to have caught us all off guard. Now everyone no need to panic and return to your common rooms calmly. Good night!”
Students filed out of the Great Hall, some still grumbling about the smell sticking to them, as Remus, Peter, Sirius and James emerged from the alcove to join the flood of students all the while giggling to themselves on a prank well done. The smiles and adrenaline of success only lasted a moment as they heard the clicking of heels and Professor McGonagall’s stern voice behind them.
“Messrs Potter, Black, Pettigrew and Lupin please follow me to my office.” McGonagall’s lips were in a stern straight line shutting all of them off from trying to say anything to defend themselves.
The four boys followed quietly after her and stood in line inside her office waiting for her to talk, small smiles still adorning Sirius and James’ lips – the corners of Remus’ mouth too tugging up slightly.
“Now I do not need to ask to know it was you three,” a sharp look was sent at all of them. “I will take five points from each of you and all four of you will be having detention tomorrow evening.” She raised her hand to stop the complaints forming on James and Sirius’ lips at the point reduction before continuing, “Potter and Black will be cleaning the owlery and Lupin and Pettigrew will be joining Mr. Filch in cleaning the trophies. Now all of you are excused, go to your common room and rest.”
Remus noticed a small smile playing at the lips of Professor McGonagall as he followed his friends out of her office, ignoring their grumblings. He didn’t mind the detention, he had had more fun than he had had in ages and went to sleep with a content smile playing on his lips.
* * *
Remus was positively not feeling well. The full moon was the next day and the detention had been bordering on torture, with how Remus’ whole body ached with the moon’s waxing nearing its peak and having to be hunched over scrubbing hundreds of trophies. The detention itself hadn’t been too bothersome; what made it difficult was Remus’ body refusing to cooperate, causing him to almost cover the trophies with his sick. But Remus was stubborn to the point it doubled back to often being counterproductive so he pushed through and when finally returning to the Gryffindor tower collapsed in his bed and fell asleep immediately not having time to notice the worried glances his friends were sending his way.
November 2nd
The next morning did not bode well with Remus’ body whatsoever he was sickly pale and covered in cold sweat. As Remus struggled to get up, almost falling flat on his face, James rushed to his side.
”Hey are you okay? You look really pale mate, maybe I should take you to see Madam Pomfrey…” James’ brows furrow in worry as he studies Remus.
”No it’s fine, I’ll manage.” Remus waved James off working to stand up.
The moment Remus stood up a tidal wave of nausea hit him causing him to double over and introduce last night’s meal to the floor boards.
James was at his side immediately swiftly waving the mess away with his wand and a muttered spell — which Remus appreciated greatly as the smell had not boded well with his stomach — James shouldered Remus up with ease, handing him a cloak to wrap over his pyjamas before starting to help Remus out of the room and down the stairs.
”James- I don’t need to go, I'm fine, let's just go back…” It was like talking to a brick wall as James continued to herd him through the common room and out of the portrait hole.
”Don’t be silly, you can’t even stand up properly there’s no way I’m just watching you struggle through the day.” James’ expression turned even more worried, if that was even possible, and stopped to properly look at Remus. ”It- this is because of your sickness isn’t it?”
The gentle but fierce worry in James’ eyes scared Remus, there was no point in someone worrying about him like that, ”I- sorry, I just don’t like to think about it and rather pretend it’s not happening.”
They made the rest of the trek to the Hospital wing in silence, stopping a few times when Remus was overtaken by nausea. James would gently rub his back until it passed and they’d continue, neither mentioning it.
With the Hospital wing doors in sight Remus remembered his gifts for Sirius and stopped walking, pulling James to a stop with him. James gave him a quiet questioning look waiting for him to speak up.
”James, could you- if I’m still sick tomorrow could you give my gifts to Sirius for me, they’re in the top drawer next to my bed. I just want to make sure he gets them if I’m still stuck in the Hospital wing tomorrow.” Remus gnawed on his lip nervously looking just over James’ shoulder not wanting to meet his eyes.
”Of course mate, don’t worry about it, I'll make sure he gets them.” James’ steady positivity and determination in his voice lifted a weight off of Remus’ shoulders he didn’t know was there.
”Thanks.”
”Anytime.”
James walked Remus inside and refused to leave his side until Madam Pomfrey had securely tucked him into the cot and given an arsenal of potions for Remus to take. Left alone with the motherly school matron Remus frowned angrily at the bottle of potion in his hand trying to prepare himself for the bitter taste.
”Come now dear, it won’t taste any sweeter the longer you wait.” Madam Pomfrey tutted at him, pulling the curtains around his cot closed for some privacy.
Remus looked up to see the school matron’s kind smile before squeezing his eyes shut and downing the potion. The bitter taste coated Remus’ tongue making him stick it out in disgust while blinking rapidly to get a handle on himself after the shot of bitter death he was just forced to drink.
”Good, now get some more rest and I’ll wake you up to eat some breakfast.”
With that Madam Pomfrey was back to bustling around her office leaving Remus to sink into the pillows behind him. With the potions taking the edge off of his nausea and aches he was quickly falling back asleep, eyelids fluttering shut as sleep overtook him.
Remus woke a few hours later to Madam Pomfrey by his bedside placing down a tray of food. Embarrassingly it had been the smell of the sausages that had brought Remus out of the realm of sleep. His craving for meat with the waxing moon reaching its peak had always been a cruel reminder of the beast lurking inside of him.
He accepted the tray of food gratefully – porridge with apple and cinnamon as well as sausages and bacon – He felt marginally better after finishing his breakfast but his intentions to get up and get ready for class were interrupted by a gentle but firm hand on his shoulder.
”Now dear I’m going to have to make you stay here for today, you are far too poorly.” Madam Pomfrey tutted as she gently coaxed Remus back to bed and handed him a potion. ”This’ll take some of the pain off dear. Have it and try to get some rest, I’ve informed your teachers so you needn’t worry.”
Reluctantly Remus settled back to the hospital bed, falling to sleep quickly after.
Voices filled Remus’ ears, making him grumble quietly, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to burrow further into the warm blankets surrounding him and block out the much too loud voices. It wasn’t until a heavy weight was thrown partially on top of Remus that he picked his head up and glared at the disruption.
“Remus! Wakey wakey!”
Turns out it was Sirius throwing himself onto the hospital bed and blowing Remus’ ears out with his wake up call. He let out a strangled sigh before moving to sit up — nudging Sirius off his foot — on the bed and smiling at James and Peter who were standing next to his bed grinning back at him.
“Here.” Sirius pulled out a stack of parchment from his bag and thrust it to Remus’ chest leaving him baffled.
“It’s the notes from class.” Peter supplied after taking note of Remus’ confused expression.
“Oh… thank you.” Remus gently placed the notes on the bedside table, a smile forming on his lips at Sirius’ thoughtfulness.
“Oh!” Remus turned to James, one eyebrow raised at his exclamation, “Madam Pomfrey said you need to eat that and she’s only letting us stay here until you’ve eaten. Said you need to rest again then.” James pointed to a tray of food and frowned, “Are you okay Remus, you’ve been asleep the whole day.”
”The whole day?” Remus’ eyebrows shot up.
”Yes, dinner is just starting.” Sirius sent a concerned look at Remus before leaning back on his hands and gazing up at the ceiling. ”You’re lucky, getting to skive off lessons all day without getting in trouble.”
”Yeah well it’s not like I want to be here.” Remus’ lips pulled to a pout his emotions much more heightened with the moon just a couple hours away as he ended up sounding more mean than he intended.
James, Sirius and Peter shared quiet looks between each other before James changed the topic to quidditch. Remus mostly tuned out his friends’ chatter after that as he ate his dinner, deep in thought. After half an hour Madam Pomfrey kicked his friends out and started to prepare Remus for the trek to the shack.
”Are you feeling alright dear? Is the potion still working?” Madam Pomfrey’s concerned eyes made Remus quilt flare at all the things the school matron did to help him.
”I’m fine, just… a bit nervous.”
Like the previous moons Remus followed Madam Pomfrey to the Whomping Willow and through the tunnel to the shack. Before she left, Madam Pomfrey secured the trap door with a couple spells and Remus was left alone in the eerie old house.
Remus’ teeth ached uncomfortably — not that the rest of his body was any better off. With the moon’s pull growing stronger Remus moved to the bedroom and carefully removed and stored his clothes and wand under the bed before pulling the dusty old blanket to shield him from the chill of the night as he waited for the moon to reach its peak.
* * *
The wolf sniffed around the corners and walls of the shack, taking in the many scents lingering there. The smell of dust, rotting wood and old blood filling its nose. Under those the wolf could also pick up the faint smell of the forest just beyond its reach, filled with small animals and critters for it to chase under the moon’s bright light. It scratched and whined at the doors and walls wanting to get out.
The smells of the wide open forest drifted in the air taunting the wolf with what it couldn’t reach. Trapped inside, away from the moon’s light. Unable to run and hunt, to be with a pack of its own. The wolf whined miserably, clawing and biting at the walls.
The wolf’s ears twitched, picking up the sounds of four paws pounding the ground growing closer to the shack. Curious, the wild sidled up to the boarded up window sticking its snout through the small space between the boards trying to get a better sense of the other one. The sounds came to a stop and the wetness of another touched the wolf’s, startled it backed away a couple of paces. That’s when a familiar but suppressing scent filled the wolf’s nose. The smell tickled its nose — familiar yet over powering — the wolf whined unsure of what to do. The smell and presence that had been weighing it down disappeared and the wolf was left alone again.
As its frustration grew, the wolf turned to clawing and biting itself. Alone and trapped the wolf had no way to release its energy and to hunt and run. So it turned on itself, nails slicing into flesh thick warm blood coating the soft brown fur. Teeth sunk to its hind legs reaching bone.
It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. The wolf yearned for freedom, for a pack, to run and hunt under the moon’s blessing.
Howls filled the night around the shack, with its sole inhabitant struggling inside alone.
* * *
Remus could faintly feel there was someone next to him but his eyelids felt too heavy to open — his whole body like lead. Voices around him grew clearer and he could pick out James and Sirius’ voices. He stirred slightly, cracking his eyes open, bracing against the bright lights. As he tried to pull himself up a sharp jolt of pain shot through his leg and stomach, a soft gasp escaping his lips. The voices around him grew quiet and Madam Pomfrey was at Remus’ side pushing him down gently to lay back down.
”Now dear you can’t get up just yet. Here drink this, all of it.” Madam Pomfrey handed him a small bottle which Remus dutifully drank down, scrunching his nose at the taste.
As Madam Pomfrey left him Remus became acutely aware of three pairs of eyes studying him and turned his head to face his three friends.
”Hi.” Remus gave them a small lopsided smile.
”Are you feeling okay… we- we’ve been worried.” James looked at Remus with such worry filled eyes that Remus’ eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
”Yes, just a little sore, it’s like the other times no need to worry.” Remus tried to reassure his friends. ”Oh and Sirius, happy birthday!”
”Thanks Remus, but… my birthday was yesterday, it passed already.” Sirius gave Remus a small smile tinged with something Remus couldn’t quite place.
Remus’ stomach sunk at Sirius’ words. He had missed his birthday completely. Remus cursed the moon for always ruining everything for him, but before he could grow more frustrated and angry at himself Sirius spoke up again.
”James gave me your presents! I really liked them, thank you Remus, I’ve never got to have muggle candy before and the book is really interesting. Muggles really are fascinating. I really really like them.” Sirius gave Remus such a soft smile Remus felt himself flush and calm down as a shy smile spread across his face.
”I’m glad.”