where fate brought us together

24th October 

He was back. 

Back in his place where he transformed.

He didn't really know what to call it. He had just guessed he was in some sort of house. He liked to call it a shack since it didn't seem fit to be a house. No one in their right mind would want to live here because it smelt of damp wood, distress and decay with depression smeared across the walls in the form of claw marks and dents that caused the little paint there was left to peel.

It was somehow fitting for what the shack's purpose was. 

September’s moon had been… ok. Actually for the most part it had been really good, the wolf had been happy to be out of the basement he was kept in at home and he had gone injury-free up until the very last hour or so where he had probably gotten bored and sliced a rather deep cut into his own back. It would’ve been impressive if it didn’t hurt so much because he had obviously gone to some great contortive lengths to be able to injure his back that seriously.  

Remus just wasn’t sure how this one - the second one - would go. Because now the novelty of being in a different place had worn off and this past year or so his transformations had been getting worse and worse each time. Physically more painful and emotionally more intense. 

But he hoped it would go ok because so far Remus’ second year of Hogwarts was going better than he ever could have expected really. He was happy to be back because although he had enjoyed the peace and quiet of home, toward the end of the summer he had found himself staring head on into the absence of James’ loud personality, Sirius’ eyes full of humour, Peter’s reliability. He never thought he’d admit it, but he had missed the boisterous atmosphere of their dorm, the chaos, the jokes, the teasing - the marauders.

His lessons had been going well and he had successfully carried out a marauder's plan - technically without the help of James and Sirius who were pretty much the ringleaders of the group so he had reason t be proud

Remus had laughed when Sirius had dodged all the clutter on the floor by his bed but then somehow managed to trip over nothing but air just seconds later,  Remus had laughed with James at Peter when Sprout had announced an investigation into an earmuff theft, laughed with Sirius about James blurting out apologies after getting told off for running and tripping over Professor Flitwick in the corridors, laughed with Peter when James and Sirius were awarded detention for having a tree climbing contest in one of the courtyards.

Remus had listened to the addictive voice of David Bowie with Sirius, who had somehow managed to obtain his relatively new album, he had played and won a reluctant game of exploding snap with Peter, and had helped hoist James up to a window ledge next to a portrait he was convinced had some secret passageway hidden behind it (the hoisting was also done reluctantly, with Peter and Sirius being pretty much useless due to their lack of muscle. Also not to mention the fact he’d done it with no successful results and no addition to the map).

Remus had talked to Lily about how they both enjoyed Roald Dahl even if it was perhaps slightly childish and wacky, he had talked to James about Sirius, talked to Sirius about Regulus (in a way) and had talked… well more like passively listened to the other three boys about Quidditch. He’d even started to talk to Mary and Marlene, who he, despite getting along with them well, was in some ways absolutely terrified of, because girls in numbers could be scary like that. 

The only bad thing that had happened was when Snape called him ‘Loony Lupin’ for about a trillionth time, but for one this didn’t bother him much, and two, Remus had gotten him back for that by casting an unsuspecting ‘duro’ on his bag later that day, making it weigh an absolute ton by turning it to stone.

James had almost gotten the blame for that one - like he always did whenever anything in Snape's life went wonky - but McGonagall had concluded there wasn't enough evidence behind Snapes claim. Plus he was pretty certain McGonagall was starting to develop a soft spot when it came to transfiguration prodigy James Potter and so that along with Sirius Peter and Remus' adamancy on James not being guilty, probably helped a little. 

He smiled to himself thinking about it and how Sirius had begged him to teach him the spell afterward.

But Remus couldn't think about anything else after that. 

Sharp bolts of pain shot up his back, tendons grinded against bone, itchy skin stretched to fur, his thoughts writhed into something recognisably primitive and he felt every muscle within him change.

The last thing that Remus could remember clearly was the scream that threatened to tear his throat apart. 

The next morning he woke up in the dark, like always. His limbs felt like they could collapse under the slightest of movements, whisked away into nothing with the smallest of breaths. Remus just felt weak, frail all over, like if he attempted to stand then he’d just fall and dribble down into a puddle of himself, uncollectable liquid spreading further and further and further away, all parts of him never to be put back together again. 

On top of that he was trying not to focus on the prominent throbbing that had started up in his chest.

But trying not to think about something only makes you think about it more, and that's when he started panicking. 

Because what if he was having a heart attack?! What if his heart just decided to give out because it was done with this bullshit?

Oh god and now his left arm was hurting. Or was it? He really didn’t know. But his concerns didn’t go away when all of a sudden he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

And it seemed silly really of all the things to be panicking about, because if he could survive turning into a wolf and back then surely he could survive a simple heart attack?

He really really tried to focus on a piece of moss growing on the wall and to the moss’ credit it had managed to ground him for a total of about five seconds. But rather disappointingly for the moss five seconds wasn’t really long enough because then, despite his absolutely useless muscles, he had managed to sit up and look at what was actually causing his chest to hurt. 

And really he should've been relieved because it was just a scratch. Not a heart attack. Just a scratch. Not even deep, and something he was used to, something he knew he could manage. 

But this brought him no comfort at all and instead drenched him into a complete state of panic and overwhelm.

Now all he could focus on was just how much everything inside of him was pounding against his skin like the pain just wanted to break free and burst through his flesh. And Remus was panicking because he didn’t understand why he was feeling like this, this pain wasn’t unusual or out of the ordinary yet still he felt like everything was spiralling.

And the more he tried to distract himself the more he paid attention to it.

And he really couldn’t breathe

And oh god his muscles were weak.

And then his chest, lungs and stomach felt as if they were being squeezed tight by an invisible hand, the world around Remus blurred, his breathing grew ragged and shallow and he couldn’t calm himself down because why was he panicking in the first place?

And then, just then, did Pomfrey decide to enter and he wanted to shout and push her out and collapse into her arms and cry out his gratitude for her all at the same time

“Remus honey?” she pushed the door open and within a split-second she was down by his side, kneeling, placing a soft hand onto his shoulder "Remus, Remus look at me”

He didn’t want to look at her because this was quite embarrassing.

Why couldn’t he breathe?

Oh god why couldn’t he breathe?!

“Remus it’s ok, just breathe in and out. That's all. breathe in” she breathed in “and out" she breathed out “in” she breathed in “and out” she breathed out “and in” he shakily breathed in “and out” he shakily breathed out “in” he shakily breathed in “out”  he shakily breathed out. 

This continued for about another minute or so, Remus following the medi-witch's soothing guidance, his surroundings gradually turning clearer. 

Madame Pomfrey had stopped talking now and all he could hear was his own slowed breaths.

In… and out.

The invisible hand let go, and for the very first time in the house he called a shack, Remus felt at peace. 

“Ok?” Pomfrey asked, her wand now at the ready to fix him up in any way that was needed.

“Yeah” he nodded quietly “Thank you”

Unfortunately there was a lot about Remus that needed fixing and not all of it had a cure, not all of it could be fixed up with a dosage of medicine or a spell or a potion, but Pomfrey tried her best like she did every time. 

Once she was done making her initial checks, he was handed his pyjamas to change into and then, muscles indeed feeling as if they were supported by liquid, they made their way up to the hospital wing where he immediately crashed and slept until about midday. When he did wake up again he took his chance and asked Madame Pomfrey if he could spend the remainder of the day resting in his dorm, because although the hospital wing did bring him a lot of peace, right now he longed for the four poster bed he absolutely loved sleeping in.

“Are you sure Remus?” she asked kindly “You’re exhausted”

“I’m sure” he nodded “Please”

Pomfrey looked at him reluctantly, but really his few injuries had already healed up and so there was no real reason for him to be kept there other than rest.

“Promise me you’ll drink this” out of nowhere she pulled out a bottle with clear liquid in “It will help strengthen your muscles”

“I’m strong” was only half a lie. He was stronger than most even if it didn’t look like it, but right now? He was probably the weakest person in the universe and that included newborn babies.

“You wobbling up here this morning tells me otherwise”

“...I’ll drink the potion”

“Good, and promise me you’ll rest, take the sleeping draught”

“I promise”

And that wasn’t a lie. Remus’ whole body just wanted to merge into his bed in the hopes that when he woke up he’d feel less like a flopping fish on dry land.

She nodded, giving him her permission “Remus you can talk to me any time, any questions, any worries, or even if you just want a chat you are more than welcome to come and talk” her eyes softened and Remus felt himself turn a little pink because he had a feeling that this was prompted by his emotional state this morning. 

“Ok, thank you” he mumbled back only meeting her eye for a split-second before shuffling his way out of bed.

Thankfully no one was up in his dorm when he arrived and so after taking his potions he took a Cadbury chocolate bar out of his stash and ate it, revelling in the warmth it gave him - although that may have been the effects of the sleeping draught coming into play, but he wasn’t sure and liked to put it down to the chocolate.

It always calmed him down, it gave him a sense of comfort and ease that was often lacking in his life. Chocolate was the answer to everything. Hungry? Eat some chocolate. Stressed? Eat some chocolate. Feeling ill? Eat some chocolate. Feeling tired? Eat some chocolate. Want to shut a screaming five year old up? Give them some chocolate!!

He barely had time to put the wrapper on his bedside table before the sleeping draught kicked in with full force and sent him off to a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

Until the next morning of course.

Remus woke up feeling an odd sense of déjà vu.

 The window was letting in a cool breeze, he could sense the curtains around his bed swaying gently from side to side and most important of all someone was standing over him. He could feel their eyes burning into him, staring, watching, waiting. It was all too familiar, so without a second thought he flung his eyes open and swung his fist toward the blurry, dark figure peering over him.

 "OW!" 

Remus' eyes  adjusted to his surroundings and vision no longer blurry he realised the dark figure had been Sirius

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" He was clutching his face, full of shock more than anything - a good indicator that Remus’ muscles were on their way to full working order. 

"I'm sorry if I was just a tiny bit frightened OF A STRANGER STARING AT ME WHILE I SLEEP!" he matched Sirius' shouting 

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN A STRANGER?!"

 "DON'T KNOW IF YOU NOTICED BUT MY EYES WERE FUCKING CLOSED! FOR ALL I KNEW YOU COULD'VE BEEN A STRANGER" 

"You know what I don't have time for this right now Remus, I've come to tell you something"

 "So there' a reason behind you being a creep is there? Don't believe it"

 "I'm not a creep!" 

"Are you sure? Only creeps stare at people in their sleep" 

"Merlin's sake Remus just listen" 

Remus narrowed his eyes at him, unhappy about this rude awakening "Fine" 

"Uh.”. Sirius then had the audacity to pause for a second " erm… uh..." he drifted off and started scratching his neck unnaturally bashfully. 

 "Out with it, you're making it sound like we're a couple and you're about to break up with me" Remus raised his eyebrows, trying to convince the other boy to spit out whatever he had to say. 

Sirius looked at him in a weird way before taking a deep breath and saying "We know"

Something within him froze, a deep fear manifesting itself as ice forming in his blood, telling him what Remus refused to hear at least without further explanation. 

So he ignored it, putting it down to paranoia "What do you know?" he sighed with exasperation, rolling his eyes "I'm not a mind reader" 

He said he wasn't a mind reader, and he wasn't. However he couldn't ignore the foreboding feeling that was rising, growing, building up to what was sure to be a disaster. Ice freezing and spreading no matter how hard he was trying to set fires to keep it at bay

Sirius then snapped his head, his gaze to where Remus was, looking him directly in the eye and all in one breath rushed "Thatyourawerewolf" 

Then, just as quickly, Sirius looked away, down at the floor, embarrassed as if he was the one bearing this terrible secret and not Remus. 

Sirius gulped and after a few seconds, probably realising the speed of the words that had just come out his mouth, he repeated more clearly so that Remus could know for sure that he’d heard correctly "We know that you're a werewolf" 

So that was it. 

It felt like his chest was being squeezed, his limbs were being numbed and his lungs were collapsing under the weight of the returned invisible hand. It was a good thing he was sitting down in bed, he didn't think his legs would have supported him at that moment. He fell back and just lay there, eyes closed, for a few moments, trying to breathe in a normal way - easier said than done 

In and out. That simple Remus. Breathe in and breathe out. Breathe in and breathe out. 

How? How had this terrible secret squirmed its way out? The best people he had ever met in his life  wouldn't see him as Remus Lupin, a friend, a marauder, he’d even take RJ at this point. They'd see him as a beast instead, because that’s what werewolves were, dark beasts. 

He kept thinking about one of the first books his dad had given him on werewolves. Lyall said it was all for educational purposes, but really when you’re a six year old boy learning about why their family had been moving around for almost two years, it was scary and had set him up for a world of self-hatred. 

‘Werewolf half-breeds are very aggressive in comparison to the typical wolf and have the full capability to carry out brutal murders when targeting it’s victims’’

And the worst part about it all was that it was true. As a werewolf he was an aggressive creature and would not hesitate to kill when the opportunity arose - he could rip people apart on sight without a second thought, without a hint of regret.

It was why he understood if his friends were no longer his friends.

In and out. 

What was he meant to do now?!

In and out

"Remus" Sirius' voice was soft as Remus sensed him take a step closer. 

In and out 

"Remus it's ok"

Ok ok ok ok ok ok okokokokokokokokokokokokokok.

OK!

His dad. He thought of Lyall and what he usually told his son to do.

Right now Remus had no other option than to deal with the situation rationally and calmly. He couldn’t let his emotions get in the way of his health and safety, even if the dreaded invisible hand had a control over the panic and despair that currently lined his bones. 

"We're still your friends”

He didn’t even know what to think of that and he didn't have time to delve into the meaning either because Remus’ question tumbled out of his mouth, desperate for answers

“How did you find out?” he asked, not looking directly at Sirius but sitting up straight to show him he wasn’t afraid despite the fact that he really completely was

Apparently Sirius took this as an invitation to sit down on Remus’ bed, swiftly tucking his legs underneath him, looking at him with wide, anxious eyes, looking for more of a reaction. He felt a weird hatred for himself because of it; he didn’t like seeing Sirius worried and had the sudden urge to pluck the emotion from his eyes and shield the boy away from anything that could ever hurt him, including Remus himself. 

And then, he realised that Sirius was sitting really close to him in spite of knowing what he knew. And that’s when his brain caught up and properly realised what Sirius had said before.

“We’re still your friends”

One half of Remus celebrated because although Sirius’ perception of him had changed he was still willing to be his friend. The other half however, wept, because in Sirius’ eyes he wasn’t just Remus, he was Remus the werewolf, and Remus the Werewolf had to leave Hogwarts and the marauders behind because Remus the Werewolf was dangerous and had Lyall Lupin’s voice, the voice of reason, in his head and couldn’t risk it. Remus didn’t want to be put down. He didn’t want to endanger Dumbledore for allowing him to come. He didn’t want to endanger his parents. And that wasn’t just the voice of Lyall Lupin speaking, it was his own too.

“I figured it out a while ago” the boy next to him answered

“And then you told James and Peter?”

“No!” Sirius exclaimed looking appalled at the suggestion “I figured it out a while ago, Peter figured it out over the summer and James figured it out a few days ago. He was the one saying we should confront you about it and I just wanted to give you a heads up”

“A heads up?”

“Honestly I have no idea what James meant by a confrontation and the prick wanted to do it right after you woke up in the hospital wing but Pomfrey wouldn't let us in so I took the opportunity and decided to let you know that maybe you should prepare yourself”

He was slightly confused but let Sirius ramble on anyway.

“I was doing you a favour, I just didn’t think you would appreciate the shock and overwhelm after a rough night especially if me James and Peter did it as a group and told you with no warning whatsoever that we know you’re a werewolf. But really I have no idea if we even are doing it as a group. James has given me no details on this confrontation and I don’t want to ask because shouldn’t the word confrontation be enough to know? Well actually he has given me details and told me how I shouldn’t act any differently and stuff because of course none of us see you any differently so why should we act differently but I just don’t know in what tone and style James is going to do this confrontation in and he made it sound like we’re going in very bluntly and putting up a tough front to demand answers and I mean I do want answers, I think all of us do really but the interrogation style really doesn’t sound like James at all so I don’t know Remus do you?”

Remus blinked “Do I know the details of a confrontation directed at me that I don’t know is coming?” 

“Right yeah” he looked mildly embarrassed  “sorry I’ll go now” and before Remus could say anything Sirius darted out the room. 

What the hell? He still had rational calm questions to ask! And Sirius leaving now meant that he was about to have a full blown mental breakdown. 

Right before he did spiral however, Remus heard someone talking and he guessed the breakdown could hold off for a little while longer.

“Did you say anything to him Sirius?” 

It was James and he was stood with Sirius and Peter just outside the dorm. What they probably didn’t realise was that Remus’ hearing was better than most. 

“...No. Why would I?” 

“Please say you acted normal”

“I’m always normal”

Remus could even hear Peter mutter “Unpopular opinion”

James sighed and Remus could just imagine him adjusting his glasses “Right, I’m going in, I’ll tell you to come in if everything goes ok”

“That’s not very confrontational”

“It’s not meant to be confrontational”

“You said we were confronting him!”

“I never said that”

“You did!”

“He didn’t” Peter added 

“Oh shut up”

“What did you think I was going to do? Storm in, demanding the truth?!”

“Well… kind of”

“Shame” Peter tutted

“Shame” James tutted along as well

“Shut up, you’ve got a confrontation to get on with”

“Not a confrontation, but you’re right I’m going to talk to him” James sighed and Remus watched as he pushed open the door, peering into the room with an alleviating smile. 

“Hey Remus” James lifted a hand in greeting “Alright?”

Remus didn’t answer. He just looked at the other boy and felt something shrivel up inside of him, because he knew what conversation was coming. He knew that James knew what he was and he hated that because he was a boy who honoured the truth, who looked at his friends like they were made of light, and Remus knew that James would no longer look at him like that because all he’d see in Remus was the darkness instead.  

“Is it alright if we have a chat about something?” and like usual, James smiled in that assuring way and although this did comfort him in some ways, it didn’t help his heart rate slow down.

Because while Sirius’ heads up was a considerate, and dare he say sweet gesture, it did not help him in any way whatsoever and it probably would’ve been better if Remus hadn’t known anything beforehand. All of this anticipation, the build up of James’ ‘confrontation’ made him want to run away in shame, because it wasn’t just James that knew, all of them knew and that just made it all so overwhelming for him. Especially now, because now, with James still looking at him like he was made of light, like nothing was changed, it hit him very suddenly  that they knew what he was and knew he had lied about his various whereabouts but still, still they wanted to be his friend. Still, here James was speaking in a kindly tone and here James was trying to make it all hurt just a little less, trying to soften the blow, because Remus knew, and they probably knew too that he would have to leave Hogwarts behind.

James, like always, pushed the frame of his glasses up his nose “I don’t want to scare you Remus or make you feel worried or anything like that, so I’m going to cut right to the chase”

And it wasn’t anything about James that made it happen, because Remus was barely listening to him when the invisible hand plunged through Remus’ barrier of composure, and grasped at the oxygen in his lungs, blurring the world around him. He was trying to breathe, but he couldn’t. And he was trying to cry but he couldn’t. His world was tilting and he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs despite the fact he was now gasping as quietly as possible,, trying to preserve any sort of remaining dignity. Couldn't he catch a break?

He was vaguely aware of James sitting down next to him placing a tentative hand on his shoulder as the other boy's voice echoed "Hey Remus don’t worry. Just breathe in” James breathed in “and out” James breathed out and then repeated his demonstration  “In and out, see Remus? It’s simple” he breathed in and out again “If I can do it, I have no doubt that you can, in” he breathed in and Remus joined “and out” he breathed out and Remus joined, and eventually  the invisible hand dissipated into nothing 

"Beautiful beautiful oxygen right?” Remus could tell James had smiled, but Remus just stared straight ahead, focusing on his breathing. 

 An owl hooted outside while the clouds shifted to let a stream of sunlight in. There was still a gentle wind blowing through the window making the curtains sway along with the trees outside. He couldn't see those trees, but he could hear them, the leaves rustling against each other creating a soft swooshing sound. It felt like time had slowed down, like it was only him, the owl, the trees and the sun. 

At some point James had taken the warm weight of his hand off of Remus’ shoulder, and he felt instant gratitude for the boy just sitting next to him. Still, after everything, James was here next to him just sitting and allowing Remus the peaceful silence he needed.

Remus finally turned his head to face James “Sirius is a liar” 

“Why?” he questioned plainly, not having it figured it out from the breakdown he’d just witnessed

“He told you he said nothing to me, that was a lie”

“Oh” and there it was, the look of realisation “That makes sense”

Remus nodded, and it was obviously his turn to speak because James was waiting for him, but he decided not to for a while. And James respected that, and so he just sat there, waiting patiently while Remus just breathed and thought about what was to come next. 

Eventually, he sighed in a strangely determined way “Right I’m off” and Remus sprung up from his bed, a little dizzy, and pulled out his trunk while a downright look of alarm struck James’ face.

"Off?! What do you mean you're off?" 

"Means I'm off, if you haven't already told someone you probably will at some point"

"Are you out of your mind?!" 

"Nope" he quickly folded a jumper

"We're not telling anyone Remus! We’re still your friends!” 

“Yeah Sirius told me” he reached over for the two books on his bedside table. Hm, where was the third one? Maybe under his bed? Oh no here it was, already in his trunk. Perfect. 

“That means we’re not going to tell anyone! Friends keep secrets for each other!”

Remus set the two books down, looking at James who was currently clutching the end of the bed like he was about to fall off. 

Remus quirked his eyebrow, because James was looking… frazzled. And also James was being stupid. Because while he was right in the fact that friends kept secrets for one another, that didn’t necessarily mean his secret wouldn’t get out unintentionally. They didn’t know what was at stake, they didn’t understand what it was like to be in his situation and they never could, even with all the empathy in the world they’d have to experience it themselves to know what it was truly like. So yes friends could keep secrets, glasses full of them, yet that didn’t stop the eventuality of one getting knocked over by accident and therefore spilling its contents.

It was hard to keep secrets this big - he knew from experience.

“I know James, but all it takes is a slip of the tongue, I just…” he sighed, picking up the book that was already in his trunk to allow room for organisation  “ I don’t think you fully understand the dangers of it, very few people react to the whole werewolf thing as well as you do”

James nodded and then sighed, letting all the alarmed tension out of his body and replacing it with a different sense of urgency as he stared Remus down, willing his next message to get across.

“Look Remus, I know how important this is to keep hidden, even if I’ll never fully understand, I realise the importance. We all do. You can trust us to keep this a secret, ok? We want to help you in any way we can” he nodded, looking at Remus steadily

“James…” he frowned, hesitant to be persuaded by his friend’s clear-cut and entirely good intentions, because Remus had never had the luxury of not being hesitant, not being cautious in everything he said and did.

Wouldn’t it be nice if his life didn’t constantly have to be like that anymore? 

Around his friends his secret was no longer a secret and wouldn’t that lift some of the heavy weight resting on his shoulders?

Wouldn’t it be nice? 

Wouldn’t it be freeing?

 “You know what?” James said decidedly, stressing his next words  “I promise to you Remus, that we will keep this a secret, and I promise to you that we’re your friends and we won’t let it get out, in fact I refuse to let it get out, so please Remus stop packing and sit down, you don't look well"

Remus blinked. And decided from the transparent honesty in James’ face that Remus could trust him, that Remus could believe him because it was clear that every word his friend had spoken was a word stemmed from truth.

He blinked again and then grumbled "Course I don't look well" he set the book down and lay back onto his bed

"Here" James handed him a chocolate frog “Sirius said you might want it”

"You don't need to feed me, I'm not two" 

"You know you want it" 

He shot an annoyed glance at the other boy and took it

"Look Remus, I'm your friend so I'm going to care about you, so is Sirius and Pete. So when your feeling like a piece of crap or even... feeling a little moony, we'll be there to help" 

"Feeling a little Moony? What kind of bullshit is that?" 

“Nah it’s not bullshit, moony suits you”

“Moony?!”

“Yeah I've decided it’s your new nickname” he clapped him  on the shoulder grinning

"I hate it" 

James frowned at him like he was trying to figure something out "No you don't" 

No he didn’t. But he wasn’t going to tell James that.

“Sirius and Pete are still outside”

“How do you know?”

Remus shrugged deciding not to answer that “Don’t keep them waiting, I can just imagine Peter biting his nails down to stubs from nerves”

“SIRIUS YOU CAN COME IN!”

“Finally! Everything ok?” Sirius flung the door open and entered with Peter trailing behind looking between James and Remus warily. Sirius also looked at him, a little longer than was probably considered necessary and with burning questions in his eyes

“Yeah I think so” James sighed, now looking a lot more relaxed

“No confrontation like Sirius thought?” Peter asked, twisting his hands together, looking unsure of what to do and Remus didn’t blame him. It was a pretty awkward situation having found out your friend’s deepest darkest secret.

James turned to Remus and with his thumb pointed backward over his shoulder to where Sirius was standing “Can you believe him?!” he then turned away and faced his best friend “What did you think I was going to do? Bash his head in for being a werewolf?”

And Remus had never been louder when he muttered “Some people would”

The shock on James’ face was comical, and he could tell he felt really bad about it, but honestly there was no need, things didn’t need to be so serious all the time and Remus didn’t mind joking about it even if James thought otherwise.

“Remus…”

He didn’t want to dwell on the moment and so dodged whatever James was about to say and spoke to Sirius instead “You visited me in the hospital wing ages ago, is that when you knew?”

He looked slightly stunned at being addressed “Yeah, way back in February, I knew you weren’t visiting you mother”

“You knew in February?!” James exclaimed

Sirius shrugged “I didn’t take as long as you”

“You didn’t say anything about it when I told you!”

“I didn’t think it needed saying!”

“Is this a good time to say that I already knew as well?” Peter spoke up from the corner he was standing in, and Remus caught the curious look directed at him

“What?! So I was the last to know? Seriously guys?!”

“Actually…” Sirius started

But then James cut in completely ignoring his best friend and turned to Remus instead “Before we get off track, how are you? Are you ok with all of this?”

And still here James was, caring, asking about how he was, even when the serious conversation had pretty much come to an end James wanted to double check he wasn’t leaving any stones left unturned.

“I’m fine James, you worry too much”

He then looked at Peter. 

He then looked at Sirius. And again there was the urge to protect the boy, and that’s when the final realisation hit him - his brain now fully caught up on what it all meant.

Although his friends wouldn’t leave him or even let the secret get out, there was still every possibility that Remus, Remus could hurt them. He could get his friends killed….

What if they decided to follow him one night? What if he didn’t realise? What if he was too late? The wolf had no mercy, what was he thinking endangering these people? 

And the biggest what if? What if he became dangerous, what if he became the image society had created for his kind? What if there came a time where he couldn’t tell the difference between Remus the Werewolf and Remus the Human?

He had to go. 

Standing up very abruptly, he once again started to pack which caused an outcry from Sirius especially "And what the fuck do you think you're doing?"  Sirius leaned in to try and get his face into Remus' view 

"Packing" he then replied, turning away from Sirius to avoid looking at anyone, just to be now facing the one and only James Potter. 

"I already told you that we're not telling anyone"

"And I believe you"  Remus had no other option than to stare down at his trunk, ignoring the two boys on either side

"So what the fuck do you think you're doing?" Sirius said, taking another step closer

"Already said, packing"

 "Tell us why Remus" James also took a step closer.

So, to avoid them further Remus slowly crawled over his bed and started packing up his stuff on the other side. 

"Please" James added hopefully. 

And only then did Remus reply, still packing "Would you like to get killed?" 

"Huh?" Peter, who was no longer stood in the corner, looked at him in confusion

 "What Pete said" James nodded his head in Peter's direction 

"Werewolves kill people. I'm a werewolf, you know that, you said it yourself" he gestured vaguely to Sirius. 

 He then took out a small cardboard box from under his bed, along with the missing sock Sirius had been looking for; he would not be taking that home thank you very much.

"That’s just silly” Peter breathed, looking paler than usual and adopting the face he’d been wearing since September - the one where he looked at Remus like he was an alien.

See? This is why he had to leave. Peter was scared of him at the mere thought of violence!

“Why would you think that? You aren’t turning into a werewolf in this very dorm are you?!” Sirius raised his voice, looking outraged at the fact that Remus had to leave. Well he didn’t like it either but it had to be done.

He just shrugged

James was now the one to say "You can only hurt us on the full moon!" 

"Agree to disagree" Sirius rubbed the spot on his face where Remus had punched him earlier. James glared at him "Sorry" he quickly apologised

"Guys the bottom line is that I'm a dark creature and I can rip you to shreds on sight, no regrets, no mercy, you’d practically be defenceless” he hesitated  “You know I'm surprised I haven't done it yet in your sleep,  moons aren't always the easiest to remember. I can't risk hurting people and I don’t want to have it on my conscience. Don't know what's going through Dumbledore's head to let someone like me into his school"

 "Dumbledore knows" Peter had stopped biting his fingers for a second to mutter curiously

"Peter not now" Sirius snapped in irritation even when Remus, who the subject concerned, really didn’t mind or care.

James sighed, clearly done with all of this and Remus’ adamancy to leave "I'm sorry to say this mate but you haven't ripped anyone to shreds in your sleep nor will you in the years to come, you're only a bloodthirsty beast once a month, so get your head on right, stop this nonsense, stop packing and we'll move on to more important matters then debating whether or not you'll eviscerate us"

He blinked. Considered it. Flicked his eyes to where Sirius was standing who looked ready to praise all that James had just said and more, ready to take no more of this ‘nonsense’ Well… They made valid points. 

A year ago Remus wouldn’t have been persuaded, and yeah they were idiots and annoyed the shit out of him but still he found himself nodding in agreement. Plus, James rarely spoke to people that bluntly, so when he did, Remus knew it meant serious business.

“Now that was confrontational” he quirked the side of his lip up in an attempt to break the atmosphere

“You’re staying then?” James nodded, eyes filling with concerned expectancy.

“Sure, for now”

“Forever” Sirius interjected

“I hope not”

James smiled easily, looking glad everything was out in the open  “Just don’t go running off Moony, that’s all we ask”