second year - gutless pumpkins
“Next Friday there will be a test on this!” Slughorn announced which made half the class groan and Lily, sat next to Remus, straighten up before their professor had even finished saying the word ‘test’.
He wanted to tell her to chill out just a tiny little bit since she's the best in the class, but Remus knew that Lily would not appreciate it and he’d be met with the cold glare she often gave James when he particularly annoyed her.
“Sir the test can’t be next Friday!” James shot a hand up, looking very pleased with himself.
As predicted, Lily glared
“And why is that Potter?” Slughorn, like usual, looked slightly amused.
“You should already know!” James exclaimed grandly alongside Sirius “Sirius’ birthday of course!” “My birthday of course!”
Lily glared harder.
“Boys I’m afraid I’m not allowed to give out birthday allowances even to my favourite students, the test is next Friday and that is that”
“But Sir” Sirius started
“Sorry but we cannot do it any other time”
"Well" James raised his voice slightly in a final attempt "it's also the day before the first quidditch match of the season, Gryffindor vs Slytherin professor, it not only benefits me but also the entirety of Slytherin house"
Well that was more like it. And if there was any way to persuade the head of Slytherin house to do something, he thought anyway, it was through quidditch.
Slughorn actually considered this for a moment looking as if he was going to agree, but then shook his head abruptly and chuckled
"I'm sure that the test won't hinder anyone's ability to play the next day, if anything it will prepare your minds to be more focused" he gestured, looking proud of himself for making that up.
"But Sir" Sirius repeated
"I'm sorry m'boy, but the final answer is no"
Sirius muttered “These are the consequences of not being a swot at potions”
The class then continued on with their work and Lily turned to him “I don’t understand why they're trying to postpone the test, they'll be made to do it either way ”
“Ok but the real question is” Remus began “Why are you so keen to sit the test?”
“I’m not keen” Lily frowned
“Really?” he quirked an eyebrow, earning him a light slap on the shoulder which he wasn’t going to lie was a bit weird, but sure, go ahead, slap him.
The girl sighed measuring out a pale blue powder “I just need to know where I’m at, knowledge wise”
“Lily you are top of the class”
She snorted “Only because I’m surrounded by idiots”
Remus looked to where James and Sirius were trying to play a mini game of what looked like ping pong with knives and pieces of cut up caterpillar
“Fair enough” He tilted his head slightly in agreement “But you are really clever, I mean didn’t you get an outstanding on your last piece of homework?”
Lily looked at him as if he’d just said the most outrageous thing in history “Yeah but I can’t just suddenly drop the standard Remus!”
“You won’t”
“It’s a possibility”
“It’s a possibility for me, the one who’s crap at potions” Yeah, he'd better start revising for Friday, or otherwise he'll fail and have to face the embarrassment.
“That’s no-”
“You know you don’t mean the words coming out your mouth”
In response Lily laughed, her green eyes glinting through the smog filled room “Ok yeah it’s true, you’re terrible, I won’t ever forget what you did last lesson”
He almost gasped because of how much he wasn’t expecting it “Shut your mouth”
“I don’t think I want to” she teased
“Lily I am warning you”
“Professor Slughorn!”
“Lily!” he hissed as Slughorn made his way over beaming at his favourite student (which, just to clarify, was not Remus)
“How can I help you Miss Evans?” their teacher asked cheerily, moustache moving up and down
“Could you rewrite the last sentence on the board please? It’s a little smudged”
“Oh of course!” he then hurried away to do as she asked even when the chalk wasn’t smudged all that badly
“You’re mean” Remus frowned while Lily just smiled at him, gleeful.
“I don’t want to shut my mouth, but I will, for this matter only”
Remus shook his head as Lily handed him a board of dissected caterpillars, and because he wasn’t sure why it was given to him he was holding the board like he’d hold a foreign object.
“What am I meant to do with this?”
Lily tutted, a little annoyed and muttered “Idiots”
“You’ve given me this with no context, of course I look like an idiot”
“I just want you to hold it”
She shook her head, taking the board away from him as quickly as he’d been given it and then tipped the caterpillars into their potion - something Remus was more than capable of doing. Well he hoped so or otherwise he was a true failure.
“You don’t trust me to pour some caterpillars in?”
“Well knowing what I know about last lesson…” a smirk crept onto her face
“Fine fine” he grumbled and let Lily carry on doing the difficult part of the potion while he started with the simple task of crushing the next ingredient under a knife.
They worked like that for a few minutes, Lily stirring, Remus crushing, Lily adding, Remus crushing. Despite the imbalance in their potion making abilities they worked fluidly around each other, which was probably the only part of potions he actually liked - other than looking at Sirius making faces at Slughorn when he was turned away. The boy absolutely hated the man because almost every lesson their professor would mention Regulus and how proud he was to have him in Slytherin, and then would go on to make a predictable comment on how it was a ‘damn shame’ Sirius hadn’t been one too because of how great a student he was.
Sirius probably would’ve taken the compliment in any other situation.
“Peter keeps looking at you weirdly” Lily noted and Remus didn’t need to turn around to recognise when someone’s eyes were on him
Still, he lied “Pft no he’s not”
“Yeah he is”
“That’s how he looks at everyone”
“No no Remus trust me, I know from experience what weird looks are”
“What experience?”
“Severus staring at me from across the great hall”
“You say that so casually”
“I talked to him about it and he said it’s because he misses me, which I understand because I do miss him too, but honestly we’re not on great terms at the moment, we had a bit of an argument” she seemed saddened by the thought
“About him staring at you?”
“No!” she exclaimed “Just how we don’t talk as much really and I told him it’s because I don’t like the company he keeps but… oh I don’t know Remus I don’t want to get into it right now it’s complicated” she shook her head “The point is, is that I know what staring looks like and that is exactly what Peter is doing”
“You don’t like the company he keeps but you’re still friends with him?”
“You sound like Mary and Marlene”
“Well… maybe they have a point”
“I don’t want to talk about this in the middle of our lesson”
“And I don’t want to talk about Peter”
“Fine”
And so they continued on with their potion in their own little rhythmic workplace, Remus crushing, Lily adding, Remus crushing, Lily stirring.
But then Lily laughed; quite randomly.
“What?” he looked at the girl in amusement, setting down the ingredient-covered knife
“Isn’t it funny how one day we just got paired together in potions and then we were friends? Just like that?
“Well I wouldn't say ‘just like that’” he snapped his fingers “There were a couple of awkward library sessions doing homework”
“I only recall one awkward library session thank you very much, and that was when we barely even knew each other!”
“We barely know each other now!”
“What do you mean?”
“Well erm… well… Oh! I don’t know where you grew up, I don’t know your favourite colour, for all I know you could be a government spy pretending to be nice”
“And yet we’re still friends” she rolled her eyes
“For which I’m glad, at least I’ve got someone intelligent on my side” he nodded to where James and Sirius had now made a competition out of throwing the caterpillars into the cauldron.
Lily made a face that said ‘too right’ and then made a start on bottling their now completed potion which was already being showered in Slughorn’s praise
“Miss Evans, that is a perfect colour!”
Remus walked in to the dorm to the sight of James directing a group of pumpkins to whizz around the room at full speed
“Moony!” Sirius exclaimed at the sight of him “Isn’t it brilliant?”
That was one word for it
He just shook his head and dropped his school bag full of books down on the floor next to his bed
“Won’t people catch on if you keep calling me moony?”
Now he hadn't really meant anything by the question, but obviously it had been interpreted by his friends as something carrying more weight.
Everything had stopped moving; and notice the word ‘everything’.
Pumpkin guts exploded out onto the floor with a wetly synchronised 'splat', strings of orange splattering on the walls and even the beds.
Some had landed on James' glasses, some in Sirius' hair (although he hadn't noticed), and some on Peter's bare feet.
No one said anything.
He had not been expecting that response because even he knew that people potentially finding out he was a werewolf from the nickname ‘moony’ was a bit of stretch. To him the question hadn’t really had any meaning behind it, because although yes he had thought about it as a possibility, he realised that ‘moony’ could literally come from anywhere - the question had been more for conversation and for Remus to test the waters; so far none of them had brought up the discussion from the other day despite their clear desire to know more about Remus the Werewolf.
Also, although he'd never admit it out loud, he did find the nickname somewhat amusing
It was still quiet. All three of the marauders were now staring at him, and instead of staring at them back he turned his gaze to the orange muck creating a piece of abstract art across their room.
“I’m not cleaning that up”
“We don’t have to call you moony”
“Forget what I said James” he laughed a little awkwardly to try and dissolve the tension “It’s ok, I'm not worried”
“Even if you were worried people wouldn’t catch on” Sirius said with anxious eyes, almost as if he was mentally tying Remus to the spot so that he wouldn’t run off anywhere
“I know, that’s why I said it’s ok” Remus nodded and began unpacking his school bag
A few more moments passed, thoughtful instead of awkward and then it was broken as James fully realised the mess he had made
“For Pete’s sake!”
And that would have been the perfect time to make a joke if he hadn’t looked over at Peter scanning him over like Remus had just crashed into their room from outer space - ok he was done with this crap.
“What’s up Pete?” he attempted a smile as Peter’s eyes turned as round as saucers, looking to James for guidance.
Well? What kind of guidance was James going to give? Because this was obviously something they had been talking about together.
Talking about him behind his back, probably coming up with theories to the questions they could’ve just asked Remus. They were curious, which, fine was natural, but they (especially Peter) could’ve done it without all the gawking.
James shook his head in a way of silent conversation
“What?” Remus asked, starting to feel a little distressed. What if they had changed their minds about him? What then?
“Nothing” Peter squeaked
They aren’t being very subtle.
“It’s nothing Remus, don’t worry” James added, which was a stupid thing for him to do.
Peter looked at James, James glanced at Remus. Sirius looked at Remus, then at Peter and then finally James.
Remus went back to sorting his books because that was better than sorting through the stupid neglect he was feeling. And he knew it was stupid, and in some ways clingy because he couldn’t always expect to be involved with everything they talked about, especially if they were talking about him. And it was stupid because he shouldn’t care, but these people were his friends and so naturally he did.
James looked at Peter. Peter glanced at Sirius. Sirius looked at James then Peter then Remus then James again and then just as Remus was reaching into his bag for another book Sirius blurted out:
“Can we ask questions?!”
Finally. That’s what he had been anxiously waiting for, for them to finally come to him so that the staring could stop.
Although now that made Remus worry for an entirely different reason altogether. Because he had known the questions would come eventually, he just didn’t think eventually would be right now and he wasn’t quite prepared to offer up his personal information.
He breathed out a laugh “Christ you’ve been killing me you know that? You’ve been walking on eggshells around me”
The uncomfortable feeling inside him started carefully threading his stomach into knots because although he had anticipated this it didn’t mean the answering part was any easier for him - he didn’t particularly like talking about this part of his life. He didn't like talking about his life full stop.
“No we haven’t! We’ve treated you as normal!” Sirius protested, looking over at James who was forcefully nodding in agreement
“You’ve been looking at me like I’ve come to you in a box taped up in ‘handle with care’”
James apologised “We didn’t know if you were open to talking about it”
“Then just ask”
“I did” Sirius offered
“Mere seconds ago, after days of not asking”
“We’re sorry mate we should’ve just come to you” James apologised again, genuineness sprawled across his features.
“So…” Peter trailed “ Are you open to talking about it?”
“No” he stated plainly because it was the truth “But this is the one time I make an exception because I can’t go the whole year with you looking at me like a foreigner”
“Sorry” ashamed, Peter looked down at his lap
“It’s ok…I know you’re just curious… right?”
Peter then looked up to meet Remus' eyes and nodded keenly, relief flooding his face. Remus then very quickly looked away because he was not an eye-contact person, instead he assessed the situation on all his friends’ feelings.
James for the most part looked assured, because that’s just who he naturally was, only ever letting awkward moments shine through when he was completely at a loss and then dealing with that by adapting quickly.
Unlike James, Peter wasn't looking assured, instead he was biting his nails and if he had been standing up he’d probably be shuffling around the dorm in an anxious state, worrying and worrying and worrying.
Sirius on the other hand was neither, in fact an excitement equivalent to a three year old was prevalent in his face, intrigued to know everything there was to know
“So erm…” he sat on his bed, rubbing his neck awkwardly “what do you want to know?”
“When did it happen?” Sirius inquired almost immediately, cocking his head to side
“I was four”
“Four?!” James cried, a look of outrage on his face - yeah, he didn’t like it either
Remus shrugged and nodded because it was true, this was something he’d been having to deal with as long as he could remember.
“How?” Peter breathed, looking pale “How the… just why? Just how can you even be… you were so young!”
Remus shrugged again, and he didn’t answer the how and the why because honestly he didn’t know the answer to either. Ok well he knew the ‘how’, he had nightmares sometimes about the ‘how’ in short glimpses and snippets of feelings, but he wasn’t going to share that information with the others because it was something very personal to him.
The ‘why’? Yeah he didn’t know why - sometimes when he thought about it too much it would send him off to a twisty corridor of questions that would never be answered but was asked by himself anyways because being a werewolf was part of him, it had changed his life and he wanted so desperately to know why the universe had chosen him. Why Greyback, the werewolf who bit him, had decided four year old Remus Lupin living in a cosy corner of Wales, who loved the colour yellow and played hop scotch with all the other kids in reception, was the perfect victim.
“Do you know who bit you?” Sirius asked, looking at Remus full of curiosity
“No” he lied
“So do you turn into like… a full on wolf?” James set his wand down and pushed his glasses up his nose
“Er.. well it’s in the name really”
“Every full moon?”
“Moony I don’t think James gets the concept of a werewolf” Sirius teased
“Hey! I do know…it’s just...pft” he blew the hair on his forehead up “It’s a bit unbelievable isn’t it?”
Remus shrugged
“Do you see the moon when it happens?” Peter asked
“No”
“Wait, so..” Sirius looked at him, puzzled “Where do you go when it happens?”
"I'm not telling you that"
"Moo-"
"No” he said so forcefully that Sirius actually shut up
"I was going to ask if it hurts but.. I feel like that's stupid" James then once again, slid the glasses up his nose.
Remus bobbed his head in reply "Yeah. It hurts" Sirius was looking right at him with a slight wrinkle in his brow, Peter was glancing around nervously picking the skin off around his nails, James was trying to make eye contact but Remus wouldn't allow it. His mum had always said the eyes were the windows to the soul and before the Marauders he hadn't believed it, but once he had met them he was surprised at how much of their personalities and emotions he could figure out just from looking at their eyes alone. So he avoided James' attempts because this conversation felt like they were already prodding and poking their business into his extremely personal life (which was too close to his actual soul for Remus’ liking) and he simply didn’t want anyone looking into him that deep no matter how trustworthy they were
Sirius carried on “Is it cool being a wolf, getting to be an animal for a night?”
Remus was not a cool person in general, being a werewolf made him even less so. It was scary and hard, and between that and the agonising pain he didn't really have it in himself to feel cool.
Maybe if being what he was wasn't so difficult (in all the ways you could think of) it could've been cool. But for him the negatives heavily outweigh the positives.
“I mean… I’ve never thought about it… it’s hard… it’s not exactly… “ Remus was struggling to speak now, because he wasn’t used to this at all, talking about what it felt like. He knew what it felt like, but he couldn’t explain it all because from a young age he had learnt to keep his feelings about it solely to himself - his parents only knew pieces of it all
“I’ve never thought about it like that…turning into a wolf comes hand in hand with the pain and so I don't find it cool, even if I wish it was, it’s hard and I don’t like to think about it all too much”
“Oh” Sirius breathed
“Well that’s understandable” James said very seriously
“You said Dumbledore knows?” Peter asked
“He does” Remus nodded gratefully, because after all he wouldn’t be here talking to the marauders if it weren’t for Dumbledore’s good-willed nature
“He’s brilliant” James stated
“And to think” Sirius snorted “my parents are outraged that he’s letting in muggle-borns, what in merlin’s name would they think of him if they knew werewolves were being accepted now?”
“Don’t forget the fact that one is consorting with their son” Remus added, pointing a finger at his friend
“They’d disown me right then and there” Sirius chuckled, whilst James’ concerned attention now turned to Sirius - obviously he wasn’t big on joking about things like that.
Before he could say anything however Sirius continued “It’s basic human decency though, why shouldn’t you be allowed in?!”
“I guess not a lot of people have basic human decency then” James shrugged, looking a little sad at the thought
“Well thank Godric that Dumbledore has some ” Sirius nodded firmly
“Yeah, I actually think that man is my hero” James said “He’s such a powerful wizard you know, defeating Grindelwald and all that, you'd think he'd boast about it as well, but no very humble Dumbledore is, and immensely kind”
“Do you think he’d be kind enough to clean up the pumpkins for you?” Sirius sniggered, now changing his attention toward the goopy mess of stringy pumpkin and seeds.
Remus smirked, glad the interview was over and because James had practically ruined his own Halloween prank. Well the marauders’ Halloween prank but it had been James’ idea and plan.
The boy in question didn’t reply and knitted his eyebrows together, observing the mess for a about a second before picking his wand back up, along with himself off of the floor, and waved it saying ‘reparo’
And it worked
“Well that’s sorted” James grinned at them all, clapping his hands together “Ready for the feast?”
“Yeah” all three of them, Sirius, Peter and himself chanted back, matching the expression on James’ face.
They had a Halloween feast to pumpkinfy