Morning Star

Regulus

Regulus wakes up to the sound of high-pitched shrieking, something that resembles a bleating goat. He thinks it may be him at first and is momentarily embarrassed, until he realises that even when he is awake, the noise is still ringing through the dorm.

Suddenly, he remembers the spell Barty put on the calendar a week earlier and wishes he had taken him up on his offer to remove the spell. He chucks his pillow over his head and pushes it against his ears, letting out noises of frustration.

"Evan!" Regulus hears Barty yell. "Turn it the fuck off!"

"It's your bloody spell!"

"But I'm tired!" Barty complains, sounding like a whining child.

They continue to bicker and Regulus snaps. It's not like he's going to be getting back to sleep anytime soon anyway. He rises from his bed, putting his pillow back in it's original position and makes his way across the room. He rips the calendar from the wall with anger and grits his teeth at it. 

Even in his hands, it is still shrieking.

He raises his wand and mutters, "Incendio." The shrieks begin to die against the growing flames, until all that is left is a pile of silvery ash. He scourgifies it away and then heads for the bathroom. The bickering, he can hear, has finally stopped.

Today, he does decide to have a bath before the game, having forgotten to last night. He accidentally slept in his robes again, he keeps doing that. He undresses quickly, dropping them to the floor. He thanks whoever planned the dates of the matches, because today is a Friday and having the match on a weekday means they are excused from lessons.

Regulus has had his hands full this term with his studying for his O.W.L's, as well as his own personal research, and all of the James business. Now Quidditch too. His team is depending on him mostly, to catch the Snitch.

So, no pressure.

He runs a shallow bath and sits in it, willing himself not to panic. He's fine, he's not drowning, he's safe.

Slowly, he washes himself and is careful not to get any water in his ears, eyes, or mouth. He gets out as quickly as he is able to, scrubbing himself down violently with a towel, making sure all of the excess water is gone. Then, he dresses into his Quidditch robes.

Once he's finished, he exits the bathroom, and is greeted with a sleepy looking Evan, who is waiting to use the bathroom. He has a towel swung over his shoulder. He pats Regulus on the head and says, "Let's hope today is a good one."

"Yeah," Regulus chuckles. "We're going to win."

"Confidence, I like it," Evan responds. "Just don't get too cocky, that'll be your downfall."

"Don't worry, I'm not Sirius."

Evan showers whilst Barty lies back on his bed, spread out a bit like some Greek statue. He sighs loudly, but Regulus ignores him, only for Barty to sigh even louder. Regulus rolls his eyes fondly and turns around, "What's up, Barty?"

"Oh, nothing. I just wanted to wish you good luck," he says innocently.

Regulus raises an eyebrow. "Barty."

Barty groans and rolls over; he sits up and starts bouncing on the spot. "This is the first time you're going to see Potter properly in almost a month-"

"I saw him yesterday in the Great Hall."

"That's not my point," Barty ignores him, "I just... I wanted to say, you'll be ok. You will. Just if he tries to go near you, fly away."

"Don't worry, Barty, I know. My priority is the Snitch and nothing else."

"Ok, good," the other boy sighs, getting up. He tosses his dress-trousers on, as well as a white button down and then a black jumper on top, making him look preppy. "We need to win. I do not need Gryffindor rubbing it in our faces again this year."

"We're going to win," Regulus promises.

When they leave for breakfast, Evan and Regulus dressed up in their Quidditch robes and Barty in what he calls his "casual clothes", but make him look like one of those Muggle English teachers, they bump into the girls in the common room. Regulus goes straight over to Pandora, who he guesses Dorcas and Emma let in this morning.

"I know you're going to win!" Pandora grins up at him. "My crystals told me."

"Did they now?" Regulus smiles back at her.

"Yep," she leans into his side. He wraps an arm around her shoulders as they leave the dungeons. "It'll be close, but the snakes have it."

"Hey!" Evan scolds teasingly, "Don't jinx us."

"It's not jinxing when it's facts," Dorcas responds confidently. She walks over to Regulus' other side and ruffles his hair; with her boots on, Dorcas is a bit taller than him. He doesn't mind though, it only helps to fill her older sister roll. "Little Reg is going to catch the Snitch."

"It's not all about the Snitch," Barty chimes in. "Little Evan-" he says whilst having to jump just to reach Evan's hair to ruffle it (since he is literally seven inches taller than Barty) "-is going to score all the goals."

Evan shyly smiles and swats him away, but then brings him into a quick kiss before wrapping his arm around him.

"I'm commentating again this game, so I'll be talking all about the hot Slytherin Captain, Evan Rosier, and his legendary Chaser skills," Emma smirks and Barty nods at her, evidently in agreement.

They make it to the Hall before most people, there only being a few odd students at different tables. All the early birds. They all sit at the Slytherin table, Pandora too - being an honourary Slytherin. It doesn't take long for the rest of their team to join them.

"Right, we've been through the game plan two dozen times already, I know," Evan says in a whisper, but loud enough that the whole team can hear him. "But there's no such thing as too much preparation. So, Lestrange- sorry Pan, I mean Rabastan, uh- you mark McKinnon and Dalton, whilst Murton you mark Potter." He sends a quick look to Regulus, who smiles gratefully at him. "Reg, you just ignore all of us and look for the Snitch- you know by now," he waves his hand.

Regulus blocks out the rest, knowing it doesn't apply to him anyway.

He is broken out of his daydreaming by the sound of cheering and howling from behind him. He turns to see the Gryffindor Quidditch team making their way into the hall, jumping about and making as much noise as possible.

Regulus watches as his brother jumps onto Remus' back and starts giggling whilst wrapping his arms and legs tightly around the boy. Remus doesn't seem to mind, chuckling at his antics and carrying him the rest of the way to the table.

His eyes find James next, who is wearing a smile that to anyone else would show he is excited and happy. To Regulus, who knows him, it looks fake and sad. He frowns and finds he cannot look away. It's just not right, this sight. James is supposed to be happy and bright; he's supposed to be the sun.

Apparently sensing someone's eyes on him, James looks up and they sit, staring at each other. James' expression breaks and he bites his lip, turning away from Regulus. 

He's never done that before.

Regulus is always the one to turn away.

He doesn't like it.

No.

He fucking hates it.

Regulus turns back to his team but doesn't pay attention to any of the conversations going on, instead tuning out the rest of the world and just thinking about that crushed look on James' face.

The owls start flying in and dropping letters, packages, and Daily Prophets across the four separate tables. Regulus watches as a somewhat familiar owl flies in his direction dropping one of the two letters attached to it's legs. He watches as the owl then flies over to the Gryffindor table, dropping the other letter in front of Sirius.

Sirius glances up at him and mouths "Wedding" and that is when Regulus remembers the conversation they had over Easter about Narcissa's incoming wedding. He gazes down at the letter, not wanting to open it right now. He gives it to Pandora and asks her to keep it safe until after the game.

He doesn't want to think about weddings right now, he just needs to focus on Quidditch. That is the main priority.

Quidditch.

"Right, come on," he hears Evan say and watches as their Captain stands up from his seat. "Game time."

They make their way down to the Quidditch pitch and collect their brooms. He says goodbye to the girls and Barty. Evan takes them into the Slytherin tent behind the stands and goes through the game plan again. He also gives them some pep talk that Regulus doesn't really listen to. 

"Right, let's go then! Everyone ready? Yeah!" Evan claps and cheers along with the rest of the team. Regulus doesn't even attempt to seem excited, because he isn't. Instead he nods at Evan, who nods back. 

Madam Hooch escorts them onto the field along with the Gryffindor team. Regulus turns just in time to see his brother blow him a kiss and send him a wink. He rolls his eyes and laughs and then meets James' eye. Even after everything, James gives him a small smile and mouths, "Good luck."

Regulus manages a smile, though he is sure it's wonky, and mouths back, "You too."

They mount their brooms and make their way into the air, hovering in the correct formation for the beginning of the game. He hears Emma introduce the match as the last one of the year and is sure she gets scolded by McGonagall already for swearing. He shakes his head and laughs, waiting for the sound of Hooch's whistle and the sight of the red Quaffle ball to be sent through the air.

James catches it first, because of course he does.

Regulus soars higher into the air, hoping to get a better view of the entire pitch. Phoebe Dawson, the Gryffindor Seeker, follows him, watching his every move. This is a good sign, it means she'll be easier to confuse and play with. It's an advantage because it means he can possibly pull a Wronski Feint later.

"Potter steals the Quaffle from Adrian Pucey, Slytherin Chaser, once again. Get your head out of your arse, Pucey! Yes, yes, Professor- sorry. He scores, ten points to Gryffindor," Emma says dully. "Evan Rosier, Slytherin Captain and Chaser, is in posession of the Quaffle. Yes, Evan! Go on... go on... go- YES! Ten points to Slytherin!"

The game goes much like this, Gryffindor scoring and then Slytherin. For the majority of the game, both teams are tied, much to everyone's dislike.

"Laughalot drops the ball! Laughalot, what do you think you're doing! Pick that damn ball back up! Yes, well done. Now shoot it, no! Don't drop it again! You useless piece of-"

"MISS VANITY!" McGonagall's voice echoes through the pitch.

"I mean, oh, rotten luck. Good try, Laughalot," Emma mumbles. "McKinnon is in posession of the Quaffle- ooh! That was a close one. Almost taken out by a Bludger sent by Lestrange!"

Regulus tunes out again, searching the pitch with his eyes, but there is still no sign of the Snitch. He flies around a couple of laps, Dawson following him the whole way.

He almost flies right into... of course... James, who speeds around him just in time to catch the Quaffle whilst it hurtles through the air. He sends Regulus a smirk, who just raises an eyebrow at him in response. This seems to be a reaction good enough for James, who immediately grins.

"Ooh, is that flirting on the pitch I see?" Emma's voice sounds around the pitch and Regulus sends her a glare. James chuckles and Regulus can't help but smile at him. It's been too long since he's seen that smile. A proper joyful James Potter smile.

It happens before he can even blink. 

One moment, James is in front of him laughing, Quaffle tucked under his arm. The next, a Bludger is sent careening towards him, crashing into the front of his broom. Regulus hears as the wood snaps in half beneath James, who begins to pelt towards the Earth. 

It's not even as if they are low on the pitch, they are so high, they are above the commentator stand.

Regulus doesn't think. He dives forward at a startling speed, watching as James sinks in the air. He's falling too fast. He isn't going to make it. Panic rattles through his bones, adrenaline takes over every movement of his body. He sees as James reaches an arm out above him and Regulus is almost- he's so close- he-

They are getting far too close to the ground.

Just as James reaches a couple of feet above the grass, Regulus grabs his wrist, clutching it with all of his strength. He's so much smaller than James, who is mostly muscle and has inches on him. 

James grabs him back, fear taking over all of his features.

Regulus pulls his broom upward, with immense difficulty, just as he catches him. He pulls him up further and James helps by hoisting himself up through the air.

If he touches the floor, he's out.

Regulus slides back on his broom and allows James to sit in front of him, just as he hears Hooch's whistle blow.

He sighs with relief and allows his head to drop against James' back. 

He's ok.

He's fine.

James is safe.

All of the players fly down to meet in the middle of the pitch where Hooch is waiting, hands firmly on her hips.

"Lestrange!" She growls and Rabastan comes forward. "You are disqualified from this game, and as you thought it appropriate to destroy Potter's broom and he is in need of one, he can use yours for the rest of the game."

"What? But it's Quidditch-"

"I don't want to hear it," Hooch orders and sends him away. He drops his broom on the floor and storms away from the pitch.

Evan clears his throat and picks up the broom, walking over to James. He smiles at the Gryffindor and holds the broom out for him. "I'm really sorry about him, he wasn't supposed to do that, the bastard. Don't worry, he's no longer on this team."

"It's fine, it wasn't your fault." James beams at him as if he hadn't almost just been fatally injured.

The two Captains shake hands and Hooch blows her whistle, resuming the game. 

From then on, Regulus' focus is shaky. He's still looking out for the Snitch, but he's also watching James. A part of him is terrified he is going to see him falling towards the Earth again. That this time he will be unable to catch him. Luckily, Sirius seems to have the same mindset and has barely left his side since the game resumed.

"Oh! Regulus Black, Slytherin Seeker, is flying in the direction of the Slytherin hoops! Has he spotted the Snitch? Phoebe Dawson, Gryffindor Seeker, is flying after him, but will she be fast enough?" Emma yells through the microphone. Regulus grins to himself and then lifts into the air, taking Dawson off guard. "Wait- Oh, yes, Reg! Black has performed a Wronski Feint! He's now flying towards the centre of the pitch- but wait- Potter is about to score! If Potter scores, that will be Gryffindor with the win! FUCKING FLY, REG!"

He does, he shoots through the air. If he catches the Snitch now, they'll draw. Luckily, according to the Quidditch rulebook, whichever team won the most games throughout the year, wins overall in the face of a draw, without the need of a rematch. Slytherin haven't lost a single game this year. Gryffindor, however, lost by ten points against Hufflepuff at the beginning of the year. They had, fortunately for them, had enough points up against Ravenclaw, that they had made it through to the next games.

Regulus, however, just needs to get to the Snitch before James scores. If he doesn't, Dawson will likely catch it anyway and then Gryffindor will have won. He leans against his broom, feeling as it hits his chest.

He has to win. 

He has to win.

He has to-

"What's this? A historical moment, everyone! James Potter has dropped the Quaffle !" Emma shouts. "Oh, Merlin! We've done it! We've fucking won! YES, REG!"

Regulus almost stops at this announcement, but doesn't. He reaches out and feels as his fingers wrap around the Snitch. He holds up his fist and breathes heavily at the extra exertion.

"SLYTHERIN HAVE WON THE QUIDDITCH CUP!" Emma's voice booms throughout the stands and the Slytherin quarter cheer loudly.

Regulus flies down back to the grass and is immediately shoved into a group hug with his entire team. Evan is weeping into his hair, much to his amusement. The next thing he knows, he's getting lifted onto Evan's shoulders. Students start spilling onto the pitch, mostly green and silver. He watches as a few odd students from the other houses celebrate with them too.

He slaps at Evan's head until he is put down, but is only immediately lifted into a rib-breaking hug and spun around by Sirius.

"Well done, Reg, you little bird!"

Regulus giggles and is put back down onto solid ground. Barty, Dorcas, Pandora and Emma find him and Evan and squash him into yet another hug. He looks around and finds who he is searching for.

James, who is already watching him, smiles.

Regulus wants to go over and hug him, and kiss him. But he can't. He smiles politely back and then turns to his friends.

***

Regulus wakes up the next morning with a pounding headache. He can't remember much from the night before, except for his rule: no drinking.

Well, never mind then.

He rubs his eyes and moans into his pillow, not wanting to wake up yet.

"Sorry about that," Evan says. Regulus opens his eyes and sees that Evan is standing next to his bed, a guilty expression on his face. "We kind of convinced you to drink. You were just so... mopey and seemed like you needed it."

"Well, now I feel like shit," he mumbles.

"Here," Evan throws a bottle at him. "Hangover Potion."

Regulus sits up, reluctantly, and downs the entire thing. After a few minutes, he feels fine, as if he hadn't drunk anything.

Thank Merlin for magic.

"Remember much from last night?"

"No..." he responds and then catches onto Evan's tone. He looks up at the taller boy and fear fills him. "Why?"

"You-uh- kind of told the whole common room that you... well, that... you're... in love with James Potter."

Regulus blinks.

Then he blinks again.

Evan is beside him in a moment with a bucket, apparently knowing what is about to happen before Regulus even does. He curls over and starts throwing up the contents of his stomach. Evan rubs circles on his back, assuring him that he's ok.

"Why didn't you stop me?" He cries once he's finished.

Evan crinkles his nose and scourgifies the mess away. "I was trying to get Barty off the windowsill. He said he was trying to be a flying racoon."

Regulus can't help the laugh that escapes him.

"I'm sorry, Reg." Evan pats his back. "We could always obliviate everyone."

"Nah, it's probably already been spread around the castle. Oh, for fuck's sake." He buries his face in his hands.

"Yeah, James... heard about it too."

Regulus slowly looks up at his friend, expression blank, "Shut the fuck up. You haven't said one good thing to me yet today."

"Barty told him... last night, because James and Sirius came to the party."

"What? When?"

"You were upstairs throwing up in the toilet and I wouldn't let you go down until they left."

"Thanks," Regulus responds quietly.

"Sirius really wanted to see you though, and James said he needs to talk to you about something."

"Fucking brilliant," he mutters. "That's just more to add to my list, really."

There's a knock at the door then and Evan rolls his eyes with a smile before answering it, apparently already knowing who it will be. Barty, Dorcas, Emma and Pandora make their way in.

"Morning Evan," Emma calls jovially. Then she looks at Regulus with an impish glint in her eyes. "Morning, Mr Potter."

"Don't even start, it is too early for this nonsense."

"Reg, it's twelve o'clock in the afternoon," Dorcas says.

"Why did you let me sleep so long?" Regulus complains.

"I didn't," Evan argues back. "You refused to get into your bed until seven this morning. I haven't slept yet."

"Oh... sorry."

Evan waves him off.

"Where did you end up?" Regulus asks, turning to Barty. He has seven different lipstick marks on his face, all red and similar to the shade Emma had been wearing last night.

"Girl's dorm. They hovered me up!" He jumps onto Regulus' bed and lays his head on his shoulder. "Emma kissed me goodnight."

"I can tell," Regulus responds, wiping at Barty's face.

Pandora sits down next to Regulus' bed, grabbing his hand and putting it on her head. He starts playing with her hair, knowing she likes it when he does that.

"I feel awful. Why is everything awful? When can something just not go..." Regulus pauses.

"Awfully?" Dorcas supplies.

"Exactly," he pouts.

"You could always take the Liquid Luck," Pandora hums. "Apparently it has a drug-like effect on some people."

Everyone else in the room laughs, but Regulus perks up. "Actually, that's a good idea. I could do with some luck after the things I've been through in the last month."

"You should take it then," Pandora says. "Oh, I've still got your letter." She passes him a sealed envelope.

Narcissa's perfect handwriting is drawn out on the front.

Regulus Arcturus Black

Home of the Old House of Potter

Hogwarts Directory

He smiles down at the envelope, grateful that Narcissa mentioned his new home, rather than his wretched old one.

Slowly, he opens it and scans the invitation. It is to her wedding, which will be on the 12th July, 1977. He grimaces at the words 'plus one', knowing there is only one person he would want as his plus one, but he can't take him. 

There is a second piece of parchment in there saying they (Narcissa and Lucius) are delighted to ask if he wants to be the ring bearer. He hates the idea of having to stand in front of everyone, but also knows that Narcissa would be heartbroken if he denied, so he makes a mental note to accept her request later.

"Cissy's getting married," he announces to the room before putting the invitation away in his draw. "Anyway, what were we talking about?"

"Felix," Pandora replies.

"Oh, yeah." Regulus reaches to his second draw down and find the small vile of Felix Felicis, exactly where he left it. "Do I take all of it?"

"Yep, it's an average dose, I checked with Slughorn."

"Alright." He pops the lid off and looks round at all his friends, none of them seem to know what to say, but he can see they are all curious to see him under the influence of it. So, he tips it back into his mouth until there is nothing left. "Tastes like honey and lemon. Mmm and ginger."

"Do you feel... alright?" Evan asks cautiously.

Regulus furrows his eyebrows at him and begins to laugh. Evan looks so silly when he's serious. Not when he's Sirius, but when he is serious.

Serious.

sEriOUs.

Regulus starts to giggle again. What a strange word. His parents were just asking for all those Sirius jokes when they chose that name. Imbeciles.

"Reg?" Dorcas asks, looking alarmed. "Why are you laughing?"

"Serious, Sirius," he says out loud and begins to laugh again. "I mean, they were just fucking asking for it, weren't they?"

Dorcas laughs uncertainly and Emma, who is standing beside her, looks thrilled.

"Hey, Reg," she says.

"Hmm? Emma! Peter Pettigrew is in love with you, James told me so."

Emma blushes. "Right. So, is there anything you feel like doing right now?"

He thinks this over for a moment. "I want to go and sit by the lake, it's been so long since I saw Harry. Oh! Harry, I've missed him. I think I should go alone though."

"I really don't think-" Evan starts but Barty interrupts him.

"If that's what he wants to do, Ev, I think you should let him. It is the lucky Potion speaking after all."

"I suppose."

"Go on then, Reg," Pandora urges him. "Say hello to Harry for me."

"Will do." He gets up and chucks a jumper on - the one James let him borrow all those months ago. "James," he mumbles and then goes to brush his teeth before he leaves the dormitory.

He hears Emma and Barty cackling from behind him and finds himself laughing too as he makes his way through the common room, getting a few strange glances from people. He skips through the corridors, humming to himself, and makes his way down to the tree beside the lake.

Luckily, there aren't many students out and about, Regulus thinks it might be a Hogsmeade weekend. He sits down by the tree, gracefully, and stares out at the lake. The animosity he's felt towards it doesn't seem to present itself right now.

He looks up at the sky and smiles when he sees thick, grey clouds have formulated, indicating it may rain soon. He loves the rain.

There's a small splash and he sees a tentacle rise above the water, he stands and makes his way over to it. Harry splashes him with water and he giggles. The tentacle reaches out for him and he takes it in his hand.

"Thank you," he whispers, hoping he is heard. "For saving me, but especially for saving James."

He receives another splash and takes it as a sign that Harry heard him. The tentacle is retracted, so he goes back over to the tree and sighs happily when the first few spots of rain begin to fall. 

***

James

He doesn't know what to believe anymore.

Regulus has barely spared him a glance for a month. He's ignored him at every opportunity. Then, he saves James in the Quidditch game. When James tried to congratulate him, he only looked away and was back to ignoring him. Then, Sirius dragged him to the Slytherin's celebration party, saying it would be the perfect time to talk to Regulus, only for Regulus to be nowhere in sight. 

And to top it off, Barty was going on about how before they arrived, Regulus had announced to the entire room that he was in love with James.

Evan wouldn't let James or Sirius see Regulus, saying he had gone up to bed and wanted to be left alone.

James had accepted this and left almost straight after, not in the mood to celebrate. He just wanted to go and hide in his bed.

He's visited Harry - the squid in the lake - almost every day since he's been back. In hopes of seeing Regulus, but also just to feel closer to him. He likes talking to Harry about Regulus, telling him all sort of stories and he's half certain that the squid actually understands him. 

Today, Sirius and Remus have a date in Hogsmeade that they've had planned for a couple of weeks. Sirius has been hesitant to leave him all morning, but James insisted he would be fine. Peter is hoping to bump into Emma at some point, so James will be left alone. He's planning to go and visit Harry, maybe talk some more about Regulus. He's collected twenty-three special Harry rocks now - that's what he calls them anyway. 

He has a quick shower and chucks on some jeans and his red hoodie. When he glances out the window, he can see the sky is growing eerily darker. Unfortunately, it's too hot to wear his muggle coat, so he's just going to have to use his wand to create an umbrella.

First, he stops by the Great Hall to grab some toast for Harry, as well as a slice for himself. Then he walks slowly down to the lake, taking in the heaviness of the air. It's lightly spitting with rain at the moment, not enough for James to prompt an umbrella spell yet. He enjoys it actually, the soft drops that fall into his curls and on his glasses. They are cold against his face, which is a nice contrast to the heat in the air.

He smiles up at the sky, allowing his legs to lead him where he needs to go. He's facing the lake when he realises he's arrived, and so he starts ripping up slices of toast and chucking them for the squid to catch and eat.

James grins when a tentacle comes out of the water and sends some of the lake flying in his direction.

"I missed you too!" He shouts to him.

"James," someone whispers from behind him, sounding fragile. He would notice that voice anywhere, even if it is barely a whisper.

He turns around quickly and notices the small boy curled up in front of the Oak tree; his arms are around his knees, which are pulled up to his chest. He has his head lying on them and is staring up at James with wonder.

Regulus.

"Oh, hello."

"Hello," he says back. It is only when James takes in the view of him properly, that he realises Regulus is soaking, his clothes are clinging to him for dear life, and he's shivering.

He looks so small, James thinks.

"Would you like to join me?" Regulus asks, shuffling along.

James snaps from his thoughts then and quickly gets into action. He pulls out his wand and points it towards the sky, watching as a clear umbrella sprouts from the top. He moves over to Regulus swiftly and sits down beside him on the damp grass. He holds the umbrella up so that Regulus cannot get any more wet.

"You should cast a drying charm on yourself, you'll get ill," James suggests gently. He can hear Regulus' teeth chattering and watches as he tries to pull the sleeves of his jumper (or, as James inspects it closer, his jumper) further over his hands.

"I can't," Regulus grins up at him, which only confuses James further. "I left my wand... somewhere. Come to think of it now, I have no idea where." He lets out a loud laugh, a very un-Regulus laugh. "Oh well, can't be helped, I suppose."

"Are... are you alright, Reg?"

"What? Who is that? I don't know who this Reg person is that you are talking about, Master Jamie. I am Reggie, to you that is," Regulus says clearly with a serious expression on his face.

James thinks he would find this situation funny if he understood what was going on, but he doesn't. So, instead, he asks again.

"Reggie, what happened to you? You're acting different."

Regulus turns his head so that his cheek is now resting against his knees now and smiles dreamily at James.

"I won some Felix Felicis in Potions and Pandora thought it would be a good idea for me to take some now. She said it would make me feel better and in a way she was right. I don't feel all guilty and stuff anymore," he waves a hand lazily, making the over-sized, wet sleeve flop about. It's somehow endearing. "But I still feel a bit... oh, I don't know." He pouts.

"Why would you feel guilty?" James asks.

"Because I'm a bad person," he says simply. "I just needed some luck you see- and look! Turns out, it works!" Regulus lifts his head up suddenly, his grin stretching wider.

"Really? What is so lucky about this situation?" Perhaps the wet clothes, or no, maybe the guilt he feels. Whatever could it be, James thinks sarcastically.

"You. You're back," Regulus whispers. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Reggie," James smiles back at him. It's only small though, almost sad, he can tell. "You know, you wouldn't have to miss me if you would just stop avoiding me."

Regulus' face drops and he groans, burying his face in his arms. "I don't want to avoid him," he admits.

"Who?" James is so puzzled now.

"James," Regulus looks up at him again. For the first time since sitting beside him, James realises he isn't looking at him, but rather at where he is. "I miss him so much, but I can't- Ok, if I tell you something," he leans in closer, looking around discreetly, "you can't tell James."

"Reggie-"

"No, you can't." Regulus exhales slowly and then turns to James, looking him dead in the eye. "I want to be with him, I do. I've never wanted to be near anyone before. I don't like people, but James... I want to be with him all the time. He's so sweet and honest and I just have this feeling," he clutches his chest, "where I know he would never judge me, no matter what I do. You know? I love him, but I can't. I shouldn't because he would never- could never love me back. It's not just that... there is something wrong with me."

James feels like someone has let a Chocolate Frog loose in his chest.

Regulus loves him.

He really loves him.

"Reggie," James reaches out and then hesitates. "Can I touch you?"

"Yes," Regulus responds instantly.

James cups his face and stares at him in the most sincere way he can. "There is nothing wrong with you and anyone who has ever said or will ever say there is, well, they're wrong. I know you and I know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you."

Regulus looks up at him with big, pleading eyes. "Nothing?"

"Not a thing," James promises.

"But I can't tell James the real proper reason it would never work. It's not because of Sirius or because he probably doesn't love me back..." Regulus pauses and bites his bottom lip. James lifts his thumb to pull it away from his teeth. "I don't know how to love someone. Not just in the in love way, but in general. It took me years to say it to Sirius again for the first time and I- I only knew how to do it because," his bottom lip begins to wobble and a tear escapes his eye, "he was the first person in this world who loved me and who I loved back."

"Oh, Regulus." 

"I want to know how to love James so badly, but what if I don't do it right? He's so much better than me and he deserves the world. No... the world isn't big enough. He deserves it all. The world, the sky, the stars, the sun and the moon. Galaxies." Regulus glances back up at him, boring into his eyes. "I want to give him so many galaxies."

James wipes away the tears that pour down his cheeks.

"I want to give you galaxies too, Reggie."

James suddenly realises that at some point he had dropped his wand, and they are both now soaking through and through. He knows that when Regulus comes back around, this will freak him out. He wonders for a moment how he's been coping with baths or showers without someone there for him - unless Evan or Barty have been helping him.

"Let's get you inside, yeah?" James whispers, picking up his wand. He casts a quick drying spell on Regulus and then on himself, before recasting the umbrella enchantment. Regulus stands beside him and wobbles a bit, so James puts an arm around his waist to help balance him. Regulus leans into his touch with a soft hum.

"Where do you want to go?" James asks, leading them in the direction of the castle.

"I want to find James."

And his heart just breaks.

"Ok, Reggie, we can find James."

"Good, I want to tell him something. Not the stuff I said not to tell him because that would be bad and then he would know, but I want to tell him that I smelled him in the Amortentia."

James feels as his entire body explodes with joy at this and he tries to remind himself that Regulus doesn't know who he is talking to right now, and that James isn't actually supposed to know any of the things he is being told. 

"I'm sure he would love to hear that," James says through a small chuckle.

"Mmm, either love it or it'll send him running."

"James would never run from you, Reggie."

They make it back to the castle and James doesn't really know what to do with him. He can't take him back to his bedroom because he doesn't know the password to the Slytherin common room. He can't take him to any Professors because he doesn't want him to get into trouble for any reason. So, he takes him to Gryffindor Tower, and decides he'll keep him there until Sirius returns - Sirius will know what to do.

Maybe.

Luckily, the common room is completely empty when they get there. James supposes it's because it's a Hogsmeade weekend, but then wonders where all of the first and second years could have gotten to.

"I'm so glad there's no one here," Regulus mumbles. "Always staring because I'm a Black," he says in a mocking voice. "Lucky, I guess."

Right, luck. 

James thinks it's probably the Liquid Luck which is getting them through without any prying eyes.

Cheers, Felix.

As they are making their way up the stairs to the boy's dormitories, Regulus starts his rambling again.

"Did you know Barty got hovered up to the girl's dormitories and slept there all night?"

"Really?"

"Did you know Sirius has a birthmark in the shape of a butterfly on his-"

"Yep."

"Did you know James is a stag?"

"Ye-" James pauses. They've just reached the outside of his dorm. "How do you know that?"

"Rem," Regulus shrugs in response.

"Rem? Oh, Remus."

"Yeppppppppppppp."

"Ok, let's lay you down." James opens the door and tries to lead him over to Sirius' bed, but Regulus is having none of it. He makes his way over to James' bed, but he doesn't touch it. Instead, he seems to be looking at the pictures on James' bedside table.

There's one of his parents dancing in the kitchen, all covered in flour from a couple of Christmases ago when they had been making mince pies - and a mess.

The next picture is of James and the guys, all arm in arm. Then there's one of James and Marls. And another with all of them in it - Mary, Marlene, Lily, James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter.

Finally, there's the polaroid of James and Regulus from their Hogsmeade day. James has his free arm around Regulus, whilst his other one holds up the camera; he's beaming from ear to ear. Regulus smiles more shyly at the camera. His cheeks and nose are tinted pink from the cold weather, but he seems happy.

Regulus, seemingly looking at the same one, picks up the polaroid and begins to run his index finger along James' face.

"James," he whispers.

James doesn't think he's calling for him, but thinks he is just saying his name. Maybe as a comfort, or maybe for another reason entirely.

He puts down the picture and turns to James' bed - he's only slept in it once with him before. Only once, before it all fell apart.

Regulus hesitates at first and then slowly lays down on the bed, bringing the covers all the way up to his neck and bending down to bury his nose in them. He breathes in deeply and James watches as a smile creeps onto his face. It makes butterflies fill his stomach.

"What do you think James smelled in his Amortentia?" Regulus asks suddenly.

James sits on the end of the bed and grins, remembering. He really doesn't understand how he was so oblivious to his feelings for Regulus for so long. "I know exactly what he smelled."

"Really? What?" His eyes light up like a child's would on Christmas.

"He smelled his friends, and his mother's mince pies, and his dad's books and Potions." Regulus frowns at all of this, so James carries on. "He also smelled something else. Lemongrass and rain."

"I love rain," Regulus smiles. "Lemongrass? I think my shampoo is that scent."

"Oh, really?" James asks, feigning ignorance. "Wow."

He's sure Regulus will figure it out one day.

"I'm sleepy but I want to wait for James," Regulus says around a yawn.

"He'll be here when you wake up."

"Ok. I have a bad feeling about that, but I'm-" he yawns again, eyes drifting shut. "I'm too tired to... move... now..."

James smiles as Regulus' soft snores begin to fill the room. He cast one more drying spell on him, just in case, and then goes over to Sirius' bed to wait.

He doesn't sleep, since it's only just gone midday, but he does lay down and stare at the canopy above him.

Regulus Black loves him.

James loves him back.

Oh, what have they gotten themselves into?

***

When Sirius and Remus return from Hogsmeade, shortly followed by Pete, James explains what happened. How he'd found Regulus topped up with Felix Felicis by the lake.

"He was near that lake again?!" Sirius yells.

"Shh," James tries to quiet him, not wanting Regulus to wake up yet. He drew the curtains around his bed closed, so that the boy would be undisturbed. "He's sleeping."

"Why was he back down there, Prongs? One wrong step. One and he-"

"I know." James places a hand on Sirius' shoulder to comfort him. "I know, Pads. Don't worry, when I got there he was just sitting under the tree. Shivering in the rain, the idiot." 

"You say idiot like it's a pet name," Peter laughs.

"Is he alright?" Remus asks, and James is surprised to see a surmountable of concern on his friend's face.

"He should be," James risks a glance back at his bed, "I think he just needs to sleep it off."

"How long has he been out for?" Sirius speaks, slowly walking over to James' bed, but not moving the curtains.

"Few hours, he'll probably wake soon."

Sirius rubs his face with his hands and sighs, "Ok. I'm going to stay here then until he does. I'll just go to the kitchens later-"

"Sirius."

All four boys turn to face James' closed-off bed and stare at the crimson curtains surrounding it. James waves his wand, removing the spell he cast on the curtains and Sirius doesn't waste any time moving forward and slipping in.

"Are you alright?"

"Where am I?" Regulus asks, groggily.

"In my dorm... In James' bed," Sirius sounds cautious when he says this, as if Regulus is going to explode or break apart at any moment. "He said he caught you high out of your mind on Felix Felicis, down by the lake."

There's silence.

James looks at Remus, who stares back, confusion and concern still painted across his face.

Then, there's the sound of laughter. Sirius laughs first, apparently setting off Regulus. James smiles at the joyous sound and wishes more than anything that he could see his face right now.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Sirius struggles through his laughter.

"I... I don't even know," Regulus giggles.

"If only mother could see you now," Sirius says, he sounds so fond. "I've never been more proud."

"If mother could see me now, I think she would disown me by choice," Regulus chuckles.

"Oh, definitely! You're far too ridiculous for her standards."

There's the sound of incoherent spluttering and then what could be a pillow hitting someone. "Ridiculous? You are calling me ridiculous?"

"Don't hit my beautiful face!" Sirius shrieks but James can sense a hint of amusement. 

"I'm going to cast a silencing spell," James whispers to Remus. "Don't feel right listening in."

"Good shout," Remus agrees and goes to stretch over his own bed.

They all sit in silence, waiting and waiting and waiting. Until, finally, the silencing spell is removed - that blurred fuzz in the air disappearing - and Sirius crawls out. His hair looks a bit dishevelled, but he has a small smile on his face, which James cannot help but grin at.

"He wants to talk to you," Sirius says quietly, gesturing to James. 

"Me? He wants to?"

"Yes, James," Sirius gives him a reassuring smile and a pat on the shoulder.

"You're not forcing him to?" James asks, not convinced.

"No. For goodness sake, he asked for you."

Oh.

James tentatively makes his way over to his own bed and then looks back at Sirius pleadingly. He makes a hand gesture that says "go, hurry up," so James bites his lip nervously and crawls in.

Regulus - beautiful, pure, sweet - is sitting cross-legged by James' pillows. His hands are fiddling nervously with each other in his lap and James wants to reach out and pull them apart. Hold them. Tell him he is ok.

But he doesn't.

"Hi," Regulus whispers.

"Hi," James whispers back.

He throws up another silencing charm.

"I'm really sorry that you found me in that... state," his eyes widen a bit, gaze distant as if he is reliving it all.

"I don't mind."

Regulus looks up at him and oh, it's been too long since he's had that gaze on him properly. Too long since he's seen the eyes of the person he loves most.

"I still don't know exactly why I did it... I guess I know some of the reasons, but I don't-" He cuts himself off, lips squirming. James can tell he's struggling to remember something.

"You... you said some things."

"I remember."

Ah.

"All of it?"

Regulus nods, "All of it."

"Right."

Silence.

"I don't think," James begins, not really knowing what to say. "I don't think you knew it was me... who you were talking to."

"I didn't," Regulus confirms, staring adamantly at the bed sheets.

James nods.

"I'm really sorry, Reggie. I should have stopped you from talking. Whenever I tried, you just kept saying 'don't tell James' and I didn't know what to do. I was overwhelmed that you were even talking to me- but I know that isn't an excuse. I'm just really sorry, I didn't want to take advantage." He stops abruptly, realising he's just word-vomited everywhere.

Regulus stares back up at him and begins to smile. He tries to hide it, James can see, but fails miserably. "Only you, James Potter, could feel bad for looking after someone when they are high out of their mind."

"I-"

He stops.

"You didn't take advantage. I think, a part of me at least, knew it was you and that's why I told you everything. That part of me just knew that there was no way I would tell you any of that with a sober mind."

James watches him for a moment, trying to wrap around in his mind what Regulus is saying.

"Do you... regret it? Telling me."

"I don't know," Regulus shrugs. "I really don't. It's the truth and you deserve the truth- have deserved the truth for weeks. I'm just... not good at emotions, James, and I don't know what- or how to- I just... don't know." He starts picking at his nails and this time, James doesn't resist reaching forward and pulling his hands apart.

"It's ok, you're ok," he reassures gently.

This might have been the wrong thing to say because now Regulus looks like he might cry.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"No, it's fine. You're just- how are you so sweet, James? Even now? Even after everything? You're always so kind and gentle."

A tear falls from his eye and James wipes it away.

"Because even when things are shit, I prioritise the people I love and I care so much about whether or not they are ok and I just want you to be ok. Great. I want you to be great all the time because you deserve it, Reggie. More than anyone."

He realises he keeps rambling, but he can't help it. Regulus makes him so nervous and exhilarated all the time. 

"What did you just say?" Regulus asks, wiping away another tear that has fallen. 

"Uh... I want you to be great and you deserve it. More than anyone?"

"No, no. Not that. The first part. You- you-" Regulus mumbles, sounding breathless. His eyes are very wide and James doesn't know what to say. He can't remember. "You said you prioritise the people you..."

The people he loves.

Oh.

Well, that isn't how he wanted to say it for the first time, but ok.

"The people I love," James says out loud.

"You love me?" And oh, Regulus sounds so innocent and vulnerable and open. James just want to wrap him up in plasters and keep him safe from the world. He wants to hold onto him forever. To breathe him in and listen to his voice and feel his touch until the world caves in.

He decides to take the leap.

"I love you," he barely whispers the words. They feel so foreign coming out of his mouth for the boy in front of him, but so familiar to his mind.

"How can you love me? I don't understand."

James realises his eyes are closed and blinks them open, his eyebrows folding down into a frown. "What? How could I love you? Now, love, whatever do you mean by that?"

"I'm... me," is all Regulus seems to be able to come up with.

"That is what I love the most about you."

"But I'm always so moody and I'm boring. I hate touching certain people, I'm fussy, I have loud friends, I am from the worst Pureblood family left in existence, I'm rude and like things a certain way otherwise it messes with my head. I'm small and scrawny and probably deformed in some way because of all the centuries of incest. I twitch when I'm anxious, I can't even take a fucking shower, I have so much darkness in my head that I don't know how to handle and I... I don't know how to love someone. I don't know how, James."

James just smiles at him, thinking Regulus is the silliest person in the world.

How can he not understand? How can he not fathom the fact that all of the things he just listed out are James' favourite things about him?

"Reggie," James retakes his hands and looks him dead in the eye. "I love that you're moody sometimes, it's cute and funny and a part of who you are. You are not boring, you know so many cool astronomy things and have the coolest opinions on the books you read. I don't mind asking for permission to touch you. If anything, it's better because it gives me a moment to prepare myself for how overwhelmed I am about to feel just because of your very touch." James lifts his hands to his face and raises a questioning eyebrow, Regulus nods, so he presses a small kiss to his knuckles. "I love your friends, if anything this is a package deal. I don't give a shit about where you came from, incest or not, that isn't who you are. You're family don't make who you are.

"I love it when you're mean to me, it's one of the best things about you. You're organised and like things a certain way - don't we all?" He chuckles. "I think you are beautiful; you could get smaller or you could get bigger and I would always think you were beautiful. I've never seen anyone who I look at the same way I do the stars, until you. You're magical, Reggie. I hope I can always be here to soothe you when your anxious and to sing to you in a shallow bath. I hope I can help bring light to whatever darkness you have plaguing your head and if I can't, I will help you survive it instead. I don't mind if you love me or if you don't. If you can show it or say it or if you can't. I still love you, Reggie. More than anything. I love you and nothing you say will ever change that."

Regulus starts breathing quickly and it takes no time for his eyes to start brimming with tears. He blinks and they roll down. James watches as his face breaks open, his mouth opens and he lets out a sob.

"Oh, Regulus. I'm sorry- I- Can I hug you, please?" He begs and Regulus nods. 

James wraps him up in his arms instantly, feeling as Regulus shakes against him. He strokes his hair and kisses him once and then twice on the head. He chants "I'm sorry" over and over.

"What are you doing to me?" Regulus cries quietly.

"I'm not doing it on purpose, I'm sorry."

"No. You're- I don't know how to handle it," his fist moves to his chest, pressing against it. "How do you handle it?"

"You make me happy," James answers honestly.

Regulus sobs again. "I don't know how I'm supposed to love you, James. I don't know how it works or how to not be overwhelmed. I just don't know. But I... I do. I love you."

James smiles and is so overcome with joy and love and just goodness that he begins to cry too. Regulus turns to look at him and frowns at the sight. 

"Why are you crying?"

"They're happy tears, Morning Star," James smiles down at him.

"Happy tears?"

"You don't know how long I have been waiting to hear you say that." He smiles and leans forwards, pressing their foreheads together delicately. "I love you so much."

Regulus smiles and then lets out a whimper. "Oh."

"Oh?"

"Oh. I don't think I would be able to stay away from you even if I tried now," he says.

James grins and leans forward to brush their noses together. "Good."

"Can I kiss you?" Regulus asks.

"You don't ever have to ask, Reggie."

Regulus falls into the kiss slowly, bringing James down with him. Their hands are still clasped together and James can taste salty tears. He smiles through the kiss, which makes it more difficult, but Regulus doesn't seem to mind. It's soft and gentle and so full of love. Real and proper love and James has never experienced a kiss like this one before. He thinks it's his favourite kind.

When they pull back, Regulus whispers, "Je'taime."

James' eyes widen and he lets out an embarrassing noise that Regulus snorts at. "What?" He squeaks.

"It means 'I love you'."

"Oh," he smiles, "say it again."

"Je'taime. Je'taime. Je'taime, James."

"I'll love you forever and I know that sounds like a lot but it's the truth. You're it for me, Reggie."

"I don't know how I could love someone else when I have the sun right under my fingertips," Regulus replies softly and James feels himself melt.

"So, are we really doing this?"

"We are."

"You smelled me in your Amortentia," James giggles.

"Shut up, James."

"You're so mean," he continues to giggle.

"And you love it."

"I do." James kisses his nose and whispers, "You should know that I smelled you in mine too."

Regulus pulls back suddenly, looking beyond confused.

"I didn't know it was you at first," James explains. "Not until recently, actually."

"But James, that was a year ago. We didn't even really know each other then."

"Remember when I said I've been waiting a long time to hear you say you love me?" Regulus nods and he winces at what he is about to admit. "Well, I'm pretty sure... I kind of... liked you when... we first... met. Kind of. Maybe. Yeah, definitely."

Regulus blinks in shock. He leaves them in silence long enough for James to panic, his eyes are distant.

"I remember that day," he says eventually. "I wanted to hate you because you were all Sirius could talk about at home, but I didn't. You were really nice to me and I- Do you remember when you were trying to warm me up?"

"I blew on your hands, yeah," James smiles, remembering the memory with immense fondness. "I don't know why I did that. It just felt necessary."

"Yeah, well. I pulled away because you licked your lips and it made my stomach turn and I felt so sick for hours after." Regulus looks at him closely. "I remember realising that your eyes aren't all brown when the sun hits them, but they look more green in the light. When you waved at me before I ever even went to Hogwarts, you made me blush and I didn't know why. Maybe, after all this time, I always liked you too." His eyes widen like he's only now realised and James laughs.

"So, you're telling me that if we had both pulled our heads out of our arses, we could have been together all along?"

"We lost so much time," Regulus mutters. "Let's not waste anymore."

"Ok," James promises. "We won't."