Morning Star

When did you start hiding things from me?

When did we end?

End.

There are millions of words James would use to describe his relationship with Sirius. End is not one of them, nor did he think it ever would be. Because Sirius is his best friend, his brother. Someone who he expected to have a permanent occurrence throughout his life, and who he thought he would remain with even after life. Wherever you go after death, James knows he would be with Sirius.

Or at least, he' thought they would always be like that.

Now Sirius was saying all these things and all James could hear was betrayer.

You've betrayed him. He's not being cruel, he's being perfectly reasonable; you've betrayed him and he's responding.

James never meant to betray Sirius. He thinks of all those times he snuck off with Regulus, all those times he hid behind tapestries and secret nooks - the come and go room. Who was he hiding from? Sirius. Who was he lying to? Sirius.

The thing is, a part of him always knew he was betraying Sirius - accepted it even. If he was betraying Sirius, he got to keep both of them. If he told Sirius the truth, that might just have been the end of their friendship, and James couldn't even entertain that thought.

James cannot live without Sirius, but he also can't forget about Regulus. It's a bit like a game of tug of war, except James is the rope. He is in the middle, arms stretched to their mightiest length; Sirius is pulling on one, whilst Regulus pulls on the other. He could easily help one or the other win, but he won't- he can't.

Instead he stands in the middle, motionless and limp, waiting for one pull to be weaker than the other. For one side to start fraying - and snap. Waiting until he loses one of the brothers, because he knows, inevitably, he'll never be granted with the love of both.

This has been James' thought process ever since that first kiss Regulus initiated beside the lake all those months ago. That's how he's always thought it would have to go.

"You and him... that isn't even the problem," Sirius says and oh. Oh, James really has made a mistake. Sirius isn't angry about James' relationship with Regulus, he's hurt because James has hidden something from him.

Betrayer.

"It was the fucking lies," Sirius finishes, looking James right in the eye in a way he never has before. James has only ever seen Sirius look like this once before. Once, and that was the night he ran to James' after his mother abused him. Sirius has only ever hated like this once before: with his mother.

And now,

he hates James too.

James attempts to apologise again, he'll do anything to get that hatred out of Sirius' eyes, to direct it at someone else. Maybe someone more deserving- but of course, he is deserving of it now.

"No," Sirius shakes his head gently, and James has never seen him so calm, "Nothing you say to me will ever change that fact, James. Nothing you say will ever fix what we had, because it's dead." He gets up and goes to leave, only glancing over his shoulder once more, staring right at where James is seated upright in his hospital bed. "You killed it."

James doesn't see Sirius in the hospital wing again.

He's released the morning after he wakes up, which he's dreading. Being here means he's been able to watch Regulus without an excuse for hours, and now he has to leave him.

James still hasn't heard him speak since his birthday; it might have only been days, but it sticks to James as if it were months, or years, or maybe even lifetimes. He misses Regulus' eyes. Always so deep, like a trench he can never find himself out of.

He misses his touch.

Before he leaves, he wanders over to Regulus' bedside and reaches for his closest hand. Gently entwining their fingers.

He shudders; Regulus is always cold, but now he's icy. A bone-aching chill to touch.

What's worse is that he doesn't hold James back, instead his fingers lay flaccid in the gaps between James' own. He lays it back down gently beside Regulus' still form, he barely even appears to be breathing. James knows he is though. He fears that if Regulus ever did stop breathing, he would know. Would sense it. The world just wouldn't exist anymore, not without Regulus Black, and James is sure he would notice if the world just stopped existing.

He leans forward and presses a soft kiss on Regulus' forehead, having to brush a few loose strands of black hair out of the way beforehand.

Regulus is such a beautiful boy, James has always known that. Beautiful isn't a word of enough justice for Regulus Black; he's so much more than a single word. He's like the electricity that glares through the air before a storm. He's the petrichor smell that radiates through a warm summer's day after it just so happens to rain. He's the echoing remains of an orchestra performed centuries ago. The swooping feeling that you feel in your stomach when you miss a step.

To James, Regulus is a phenomenon that only he will ever be able to observe. Not because others can't, or they don't try, or because they can't see him, but because the Regulus who is visible to James is only one. He is that final number that the universe swears cannot exist, because there must be infinity, but James can see it. He knows that final number whilst everyone else is clueless. He knows that final number is Regulus.

***

"Sirius," James whispers as Sirius leaves the dormitory to go and visit the hospital wing. He knows not to try to get Sirius to talk to him, not until he's ready, but James still can't help the draw he has to Sirius. The draw he'll always have.

Peter has already gone down for breakfast, so James doesn't have to worry about pity from him today (it had been thick in the air the previous day when James had returned from the hospital wing). However, when his gaze moves away from the door, he finds Remus giving him a small smile.

"Found something out this morning that might cheer you up, mate." Remus is standing beside his bed, folding up his pyjamas and stuffing them under his pillow as he talks. "Mulciber, Avery and Wilkes have been expelled-" James stiffens at the mention of their names "-and I heard they left in a bit of a state."

James' eyebrows bend in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"All of the bones in their hands had been removed." Remus looks up from what he's doing and stares James dead in the eyes, raising an eyebrow.

"How would someone know-" James stops when Remus' look hardens. "Moony..."

"No one knows who did it and I imagine no one ever will. We should just be thankful that those bastards can never use magic again," Remus finishes up and makes his way towards the door. "After all," he turns to James, "you can't do much without your hands, can you?"

James stares in both adoration and - admittedly - a bit of fear at Remus' back as he turns away and leaves him alone. He sits on the edge of his bed for a while, wishing he had the answers to all of the questions of the universe, starting with: what do I need to do to get Sirius to trust me again?

He sighs and stares at the draws beside his bed. For lack of anything better to do, he finds himself pulling the first draw open (there's nothing interesting inside, only a pair of socks and some bobby pins he once borrowed from Marlene). He opens the next and finds a few crumpled up and dead daisies, along with an old snitch he caught back in third year, and a rock.

It's a red agate rock. James remembers receiving it from the Giant Squid. Madame Pomfrey had told him that the Squid was who saved him and Reggie from drowning. It had lifted them up through the surface of the water and rested them in the safe hands of the Earth, as if they were little rocks themselves.

James has the sudden urge to go and thank the Squid, so he acts on it, closing his draw and clenching onto the rock in his hand. He gets out of bed for the first time - properly - in a couple of days (if you don't count the walk from the hospital wing to Gryffindor tower), and makes his way down to the lake.

He finds it easy to visit where the lake kisses the surface of the earth; easier than he imagined he would. This is the place he had felt his heart shrivel and die in his chest. This is the place he had experienced fear beyond any other. All because the very idea of Regulus' loss... fucking killed him.

His hands rest in the front pocket of his hoodie, the stone clutched in one of his fists. He stares out at the vast lake and finds he doesn't blame it for almost stealing his world. No, it is not at fault and it never will be. It simply is the location of a very bad memory - a very vile plan.

The water does not choose to drown people, that is why it allows you to float. The sea only takes lives because the wind harnesses it and empowers it dangerously. The lake only stole Regulus because three horrible boys forced him into it's arms in the first place.

So, no.

James doesn't blame the lake for what happened. He also finds he isn't at all afraid. In fact, he feels a sort of comfort in it. Because when he looks close enough he notices how it sways gently against the wind. He notices how it homes many inhabitants in it's depths willingly. He notices how it reaches the bed of the earth and it doesn't suffocate it or fluster it; it makes contact with the soil, kissing it gently. Swaying out; kiss. Swaying in... and it always sways back out for another kiss. Every single time.

He finds it devastatingly beautiful.

Crouching on the ground beside the junction of land and water, he reaches out a hand (the one free of his stone) and delicately plays with the water, creating small ripples. The ripples dance around his hand as he tickles the water, almost as if it's laughing or trying to squirm away from his touch.

With a small splash, a tentacle blooms out of the water and pokes James right in the centre of his chest, just hard enough to make him fall backwards on his heels and land softly on his backside.

James chuckles. "Hey!" He lightly swats away the slippery thing, but it doesn't budge. "I'm not planning on going back in anytime soon. I just wanted to... thank you."

The tentacle retracts and disappears for about ten seconds before something much thicker and larger than a tentacle brushes the surface. James stares straight into the large black eyes of the squid; it's a deep salmon colour around it's eyes, that fades to white nearer it's tentacles, and red at the top of it's head.

"Thank you," James grins.

The squid brings a shaft upwards, almost like a wave, and comes back down harshly. Water jumps up and hits James in the face, making small droplets land on his glasses.

"Regulus..." James falters, "he would thank you too, were he... Well, I'm sure he'll come and tell you himself when he's in the right state to."

The squid blinks at him in acknowledgement.

"Wonderful, isn't he?"

James looks up to see Pandora standing beside him, her long white hair glimmering in the early spring sun. He picks himself up off the floor and coughs slightly.

"I think so," he finally answers.

"Regulus comes out here a lot to visit him, you know?" Her ethereal voice makes James' blood vibrate comfortably under his skin, soothing him. He nods in reply. "Recently," Pandora laughs softly, "he's taken to calling him Harry."

"Yes, Harry." James find himself laughing along with her. It feels good to laugh after... everything.

"How are you, James Potter?"

"You can call me James," he says hastily and then adds, "I'm... as well as I can be."

"That's the best answer I've heard all day. Whenever someone asks me how I am, I say I am fine."

"And you're not?"

She turns to look at him, a welcoming warmth radiates in her blue eyes. "I am as well as I can be knowing that my best friend almost died."

They stand in quiet for a little while, staring out at the great expanse of world in front of them. The lake, the distant mountains, the horizon, the sky and it's bright, golden occupant.

"May I ask you an intrusive question, James?" Pandora speaks up after what feels like a few lifetimes filled with silence. "If you feel you have to lie, I'd rather you didn't answer at all."

"Ok..."

"Do you love him?"

James' eyes widen as he turns to stare at her instead of the view in front of them. Pandora's eyes remain on the lake, a calm set to her facial features, as if she hadn't just asked him the most prudent question ever.

"I... I..." he sighs. "I don't know if I should love someone who isn't fully capable of loving me back."

Pandora blinks, apparently thinking.

"You know when you meet someone for the first time and you don't love them or hate them? You don't feel any strong emotion towards them because you don't even know them yet. But... if you're lucky, you get to know them better. You become acquaintances... friends... you learn to love someone overtime. You learn to love them by learning who they are."

James breathes slowly and quietly, wanting desperately to be able to hear every word. Pandora is a soft speaker; quiet like the rustle of leaves when a gentle breeze brushes through them. Kind and careful; a delicacy.

"Well, with Regulus, he is capable of such a thing," she finally looks over at James. "It's the same process really: meet, learn, love. Only... it takes him a little longer to figure out how to accept and embrace the love that is offered to him." Her lips quirks up a little, before she asks, "When did you first realise you loved him?"

James doesn't hesitate.

"The moment he first looked at me. The moment our eyes locked on the train all those years ago." He sighs contently, revelling in the memory of setting his eyes on pure heaven for the first time. "I know that it sounds ridiculous, that you have to meet, learn, and love, but loving Regulus wasn't like loving anybody else. It was like... I don't even know... it's like an instinct... I guess," he exhales heavily, "I saw his dark curls, his void eyes. He looked so much like his brother, but in a completely contradictory way... he had no similarities with Sirius. All I saw was how he was different. How he was not only beautiful, but stunning and rare and just... pure fucking gold. I saw this boy and he- it was like he would never be a stranger. I saw him and he saw me and he captured me without my permission. I was dropped in his lake and I've been drowning ever since. I can't escape, but I don't want to escape. It's always been him."

"Regulus is my best friend," Pandora says as if James hadn't just poured his entire soul out bare in front of her. "I want him to be happy. For real. Not just... satisfied by some deal that will inevitably end in the heartbreak of likely two boys."

James gawps at her. "You know... He- he told y-"

"Of course he didn't," she chuckles sweetly. "I just know these things."

"Wh- I... We'll go back to that in a moment," James says. "What do you mean it'll end in heartbreak of two boys?"

"Regulus has always found it hard to accept love, because he believes he is undeserving of it. He was brought up being told he was undeserving of it. I believe you are the first person he met who made him feel... deserving."

James' mouth falls open. "I don't understand... That just... can't be true. What about Sirius?"

"He's always accepted love of others eventually. He grew up with Sirius' love and then got it taken away from him as soon as Sirius stopped talking to him," Pandora says without any sign of bitterness or anger in her voice. She speaks as if she is simply stating simple knowledge. "You are the first person he met where he accepted your love immediately. Somehow, you made him feel deserving of your love without even trying to."

"How? How can he possibly love me?"

"I shouldn't tell you this," a hint of mischief sparkles in her eyes, "Regulus would kill me. You make him feel safe. You always have. Not that he knows this himself... yet, but you are the one thing that feels solid in his life. The one inevitable thing, like the universe has taken it upon itself to push you two together. You're his home, James."

James stands there... completely flabbergasted, to be frank. Completely fucking flabbergasted.

"The day he ran away from his parents' house..."

"He ran to Sirius," James states.

Pandora only smiles slightly and shakes her head. "That's what he thinks. Maybe he ran to Sirius too, but who he was really looking for was you." James blinks, shocked. "Even when his brother wasn't paying him any attention, you would see him in the halls and ask how he was. I remember. You always cared. You always showed him that you cared, and he accepted it, even if he never showed it. You were the first person to ever show him that you cared and that you were not going to abandon him."

James swallows, trying to soak up all of the information being handed to him.

Regulus... liked him all along? Potentially loves him even?

James feels his heart beat erratically inside him.

Regulus thinks of James and he thinks... home?

That single thought is all it takes for James to burst into tears. He reaches his hands up to bury his face in them. He feels as Pandora's small arms wrap around his head in a motherly gesture, pulling him down into her chest and resting her head on top of his own. She rubs at his hair soothingly, caringly. It's a bit of an awkward angle, considering she's almost a foot shorter than he is, but he finds he hasn't felt this comfortable since his birthday.

He cries and cries into Pandora and she holds him all the way through it. He cries about Regulus. He cries about Sirius. He cries about the fact that he can't choose between the two, but he knows there is no way Sirius will ever accept them now that James lied to him about it.

He cries and his souls bleeds with the pain of knowing that he and Regulus are simply... not meant to be.

When he eventually pulls back, Pandora remains close to him, resting her pale hands on his tear-soaked cheeks.

"He will forgive you," Pandora promises, as if she is reading his mind. "I know it. He will forgive you and he will offer acceptance and Regulus will take his acceptance. He will because you're his home too, James Potter."

***

On his way back to Gryffindor Tower - for some much needed rest, Pandora's orders - James' thoughts are interrupted by Marlene.

"I am so glad you're ok!" She exclaims, crashing into him and wrapping him into a bone-crushing hug.

"Oh! Marls," James chuckles gently. "I might actually suffocate if you don't-"

"Right, sorry." Marlene pulls back and continues to walk beside him. "You do not understand how fucking scared I was. When I found out what had happened- I don't even know how to explain what happened to me..."

"It's called a panic attack, Marls," Mary says, joining them on Marlene's other side.

Marlene rolls her eyes. "Right, thanks. Now he's going to know I really care."

"What a tragedy," James jokes.

"How are you doing with everything, James?" Mary questions him, peering over Marlene's head easily, due to the tremendous height of her heels. "I'm surprised to see you walking about."

"I'm fine," he shrugs. "You know... as well as I can be." He thinks about Pandora and their encounter by the lake. Somehow, she had managed to make him feel a mile better than he had before.

"You're really brave," Marlene bumps her shoulder into his arm, "not giving a shit about what all these bigots think." She gestures at the castle - or, more precisely, the people in it.

"What do you mean?" James' eyebrows furrow deeply.

"I mean, I had my suspicions. Turns out I was correct-!"

"Marls," Mary interrupts sternly.

"Not the time. I am happy for you though, just know we don't see you any differently. I mean," Marlene drops her voice to a sneaky whisper, scouring the vicinity with her eyes dramatically, before cupping her mouth and leaning into James' ear, "not really one to judge, am I? Ya know? With the whole Dorcas situation."

James is now thoroughly lost.

"Ok, Marlene, just tell me what you're on about. I'm so confused right now."

"You... and Regulus," Marlene speaks and James stops.

"W-what?"

"Oh no..." Mary whispers.

"What?" James says perhaps a bit too loudly, as he frightens a group of first years walking past. "What about me and Regulus? I-" But he doesn't even finish his ready set of excuses because of the look of pure sympathy on Marlene and Mary's faces. "How?"

"Mulciber and that," Mary immediately answers. "They've gone and told the whole school."

James feels his face crumple, like he's about to cry, but then his body suddenly changes it's mind. He scrunches it up, anger residing strongly just beneath his skin.

"I will kill them."

How could they out Regulus?

How could they out him?

They... they-

"I heard they left-"

"I know," James says sharply. He then feels guilty and sends Marlene an apologetic look, but she doesn't even seem phased, offering him a friendly smile. "What do I do?" He's at a complete loss.

He really just wants Regulus.

"Go to bed," Marlene pushes him through the portrait hole. He hadn't even realised they were there yet. "Rest. Get some sleep. We'll let you know as soon as we hear anymore news of Regulus."

"Or if anymore of your secrets are exploited without your consent," Mary adds.

James inhales shakily and hangs his head. "Ok... thank you, girls."

They both lean in to hug him carefully, making him feel like something delicate and special. He's surprised they don't say anything more about his... (relationship?) thing with Regulus.

When they finally let him go, James bids his leave and heads back up to the boy's dormitories. He isn't expecting to see anyone. Everyone is in class today. Not him. Apparently almost drowning gives you a free pass.

James lamely pushes the door open, not caring when it comes back right away, hitting his shoulder; it's a numb pain that he can barely feel compared to the excruciating things happening in his chest.

He makes his way over to his bed and sits on the edge of it. Opening the draw beside it, he puts the agate rock back inside and sighs.

"Where did you go?"

James jumps, staring up at the unexpected noise. Sirius. He cowers instinctively, afraid of what his best friend will say to him next. He knows he deserves it. He does. But he really just... needs to have a break for a moment.

"The lake."

Sirius seems surprised by this, but he doesn't ask why. Instead, he settles more comfortably on... Remus' bed? James sits up a bit straighter, only now realising this fact. He reminds himself to ask Remus about it later, knowing full well that if he even attempts to talk to Sirius about this right now, he will only be ignored, or possibly yelled at.

"Reg is awake," Sirius says. "He... was asking for you."

James stands suddenly, his instincts telling him to run through the door and all the way to the hospital wing. He has a burst of adrenaline shoot through him, hand-in-hand with a blooming hope that he thought was long lost.

"Why? Why did you tell me?" James acknowledges how small he sounds, but he doesn't care.

"Because I love him and I know that seeing you would make him happy." Sirius looks at James for a second and then looks back at the bedpost opposite him. "And even if I hate you right now... I know that you... you need..."

James understands, not needing Sirius to finish his sentence (also knowing full well he probably can't right now - his pride and sense of protection he has towards Regulus battling against himself).

"Thank you," James replies sincerely.

Then he leaves for the hospital wing.

He jumps down the stairs and walks so fast through the common room, he's certain for a moment he must look like a blur. Then, thinking fuck it, he sprints through the castle. He doesn't stop. Not once. Even though he's so tired. He runs and he runs. A few students watch him with surprise and curiosity.

He runs past the courtyard, getting a glimpse of the tree growing in the far left corner; it's blossoms have begun to bloom... just in time for Spring.

James rushes past the pink and white petals, feeling as a few brush past his face. It hits him too late that he actually isn't wearing shoes. He had slipped them off when he sat on his bed (out of habit). His socks slip a little on the marble floors of the castle.

The hospital doors appear as if from nowhere. He breathes deeply for a moment, trying to steady himself. Then, knowing he can't physically wait another second to see the reassurance of an alive Regulus, he opens the grand wooden doors and slips inside.

***

They leave the hospital wing together and James ignores all of the unwanted stares they receive. However, he does not release his firm hold on Regulus' hand.

Once they enter the portrait of The Fat Lady, his gaze is immediately drawn to Sirius, who is sitting on one of the velvet couches beside the fireplace. James blinks a few times, trying to rid his eyes of their sudden burning. Sirius' expression tenses, growing slightly colder, but... if James isn't imagining it... he thinks he sees Sirius' eyes twinkle with dotted tears. He looks away too quickly for James to figure it out.

"Come on," he says to Regulus, tugging gently on his hand, "let's get you upstairs."

James gets Regulus some spare clothes to wear and runs him a shower. It doesn't work out. Regulus almost instantly starts calling out James' name in a frenzied panic. James shuts the water off and wraps a towel around his balled up form on the floor of the bathtub. He lifts him out and cradles him on the bathroom floor.

He offers to run him a shallow bath. It seems to work. Regulus doesn't say much; he asks James to sing something. He sings 'Just the Way You Are', which is one of the songs on a record Remus accidentally purchased sometime in their fourth year. Sirius had taken a liking to it - much to Peter and Remus' dismay - and he and James had danced to it for a straight month, learning the lyrics.

In a way, he thinks it's the perfect song.

Afterwards, he leads Regulus over to his bed, making sure it is as warm and comfortable as possible. He bundles them both up in blankets. Regulus looks so small and fragile for this world when he's in James' pyjamas.

James has never thought of him as being small before, but right now... he's being eaten by one of his t-shirts. It reaches halfway down his thighs. The pyjama bottoms James let him borrow are far too big. The drawstrings have been pulled to their absolute tightest potential, but they still hang low on Regulus' hips.

"Tell me a story," Regulus whispers as he plays with the strings on James' hoodie. It calms James somehow, reminding him that Regulus is here. He is present. He can breathe. "A happy one."

James hasn't read anymore stories recently, too preoccupied with other things going on in his life, but he doesn't want to disappoint Regulus, so he makes one up. He inadvertently tells Regulus James' own story. He is Judas and Regulus is Roman.

"I haven't made it to the end of the story yet," James says at one point. He wants Regulus to have the happy story he asked for; for them to hopefully have a happy ending.

But this is just a story.

Just Roman and Judas.

So, he makes up a fake ending, but is unsure if Regulus hears it. He soon falls asleep, head resting on James' chest, with his fingers still tangled up in the strings of James' hoodie.

James wraps his arms tighter around the precious boy in his arms, afraid he may disappear at any given time. A lone tear falls from his eye and he lets it. He allows it to roll down his cheek and fall, landing on a curl on Regulus' head.

Regulus sleeps with his lips slightly parted and seems to somehow grow colder within his slumber. His feet, which are tangled within James' own, are freezing.

He rests his face in Regulus' hair - he now smells like James' rosemary shampoo, instead of his usual lemongrass one. Gently, he closes his eyes.

Before he is able to fall into a deep sleep, the dormitory door opens. He opens his eyes and watches as Sirius walks across the room, not paying them any attention. He stops just outside of the gap in James' curtains.

James isn't sure if Sirius meant to, as his face fills with conflict. He slowly turns his head sideways, his gaze dead-looking, and stares at the scene before him. He watches his brother for a long time, fingers twitching, likely with the urge to make sure he is safe. James remembers how Sirius had told him about that little giveaway. He had always needed to protect Regulus when they were little kids.

Then, his eyes move up and bear into James' own.

Blue meets brown.

For the first time since knowing his best friend, James cannot decipher the look in his eyes. He looks back down at Regulus quickly and then returns back to James. A muscle twitches in his jaw.

James squeezes Regulus a bit tighter, as a sign of his adoration and his own protectiveness for the boy. Sirius seems to notice this, a calculating look crossing his features. Eventually, his face becomes stony again. Void of any emotion. He looks back up at James and slowly nods his head.

He walks out of sight after that, but James understands.

Sirius is allowing this to happen.

He is allowing James this comfort.

The only question is, how long will he allow it for?

James falls asleep quickly.

***
The next morning, James wakes up to the sun shining blindingly through the crack in his bed hangings. He grumbles slightly and attempts to rolls over as a way to escape the sun, but is blocked by a heavy weight on most of his body.

He blearily opens his eyes and blinks a few times before seeing two strikingly black eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Regulus says quietly.

James smiles and tries to stretch, but notices his arms are still around Regulus. He thinks Regulus must be sweating uncontrollably by now, but when he reaches up and touches his cheek, he finds it's a bit cold actually.

"You didn't wake me, love."

"I was just taking your glasses off," Regulus explains. "You accidentally slept in them, you prat."

James' smile widens.

"You're seriously smiling because I called you a prat?"

"I consider it an honour," James begins and Regulus groans, knowing what is coming. "A pet name, if you will. In fact! Prat is perfect for-"

Regulus muffles James' words with his hand and doesn't move it when James licks his palm. Instead, he raises a challenging eyebrow.

"Be quiet," Regulus scolds him in a whisper. "Your roommates are still asleep."

"Actually," both boys whip their heads round to the gap in the curtain and see Peter standing there in his uniform, "your roommate is awake, and loving this." Peter gestures between the two with his index finger. James notices Regulus blush and almost laughs.

"Go away, Pete," James chucks a pillow at him, which he sidesteps. "You'll wake up Sirius and Remus."

"Already awake thanks to 'oh, call me a prat'," Remus says in a tone that mocks James' voice and then he sighs wistfully. James takes slight offence, especially when Regulus snorts. Remus groans. "I didn't really want the first thing I did today to be to vomit all over my pillow, but here we are."

"Here we are," James hears Sirius mutters grumpily. He sounds disgusted, but James ignores that, focusing more on the fact that Sirius' voice comes from the other side of the room.

Peter shrieks and runs over to the other side of the room. James hears what sounds like the horrible sound of the bed hangings screeching against the metal pole they are attached to and assumes Peter has just opened Remus' curtains now.

"WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE A BOYFRIEND BUT ME?!"

"Because you like Emma Vanity?" Remus responds as if it is obvious.

"Well yeah... I just feel like I'm missing out. When did this become a trend?"

"It didn't," Sirius grumbles. There's the sound of shuffling and someone slipping on the floor. Then, out of the gap in the curtain, James watches as Sirius walks past, rubbing his eyes and heading for the bathroom. "Fucking moron," he murmurs.

James jumps at the sudden sound of his own bed hangings being ripped open from the side, so that he can now perfectly see Remus in his bed and Peter, who is standing far too close for comfort.

"Do you mind?" Regulus says grouchily.

"You Black brothers are both so miserable in the mornings," Peter shakes his head.

"Do you want to know what is truly miserable?" Regulus questions and then yawns, patting his mouth gracefully. "You have to attend classes today, whilst me and James here," he taps James on the chest, "do not."

"Cold and cruel," Peter says. "Yep, definitely related to Sirius."

"I'm skipping," Remus says, stretching back across his bed. "If anyone asks, I am too emotionally damaged to attend class today. I almost lost my best friend."

"I'm your best friend?" James asks emotionally.

"Well it's not either of these two pillocks, is it?" Remus gestures to Peter (who is tying his tie wrong) and Sirius, who is now making his way back over to Remus' bed.

He jumps right back in and slings an arm over Remus' torso as if it's the most casual thing to ever happen. As if they've been doing it for years and it's now a routine thing.

"When did that happen?" Regulus whispers to James, nodding his head towards Remus and Sirius.

Before James can answer (or not answer, since he actually has no fucking clue), Sirius does without even opening an eye.

"Few days ago."

"Well..." Regulus tilts his head, studying something with his eyes. James realises with immense shock (and jealousy) that he's looking at Remus, who is lying down on his bed without a shirt on. "You could have done worse."

"I'm taking that as a compliment," Remus states.

"You're coming back with us for Easter, right?" James asks Remus, even though he already knows the answer. Remus might as well live with him, he never goes home. Still, he wants to change the subject.

"Obviously."

"Good," James says, "mum and dad are in Hogsmeade and are taking us home today instead."

"Sounds good."

"Not fair," Peter crosses his arms. "I have to wait until tomorrow."

"At least you'll have the dorm all to yourself," Sirius mumbles.

Peter's eyes light up. "Maybe I'll invite Emma-"

Regulus glares at Peter, who stops talking quickly.

"I'm going to head to Transfiguration," he points to the door and swiftly walks over to it. "If you need me, don't come and find me. I'm way too busy to be playing nurse. Moony and Pads can look after you." With that, he leaves.

"He's a right charmer, isn't he?" Remus remarks.

"Quite the gentleman," Sirius answers sarcastically.

James watches as a dopey smile takes over Remus' face and he looks down to meet Sirius' stare, who looks just as besotted.

He wishes he could talk to Sirius about it.

But he knows he can't.

"Are you hungry?" James asks Regulus.

Regulus leans up on one elbow, hovering over James, and fiddles with the strings of his hoodie - apparently a new habit of his.

"In a way," he whispers.

James gulps.

He turns to look at Sirius and Regulus follows his stare.

Regulus smirks and leans down to whisper directly into James' ear. "Not here... you prat."

James has to hold in a whimper. He sits up abruptly and Regulus copies his movements.

"Let's go get some breakfast," his voice comes out two octaves too high.

"Is it alright if I join you? I'm star-"

"No!" James and Regulus shout at Remus at the same time before swiftly retreating.

Once they are out of the dormitory and make it down to the common room, they earn a few stares. Probably because they are in their pyjamas, Regulus is a Slytherin, and because of the new rumours about them.

James is surprised when Regulus seeks out his hand, gripping it tightly. He glances over to him and notices the boy looks a bit nervous. James gives his hand a reassuring squeeze.

Luckily, no one gets in their way and they are able to make it out of the common room quickly. James leads them up to the seventh floor, summoning their room.

He opens the door and is surprised to see a bed where the couch used to sit. His eyebrows draw together in confusion - he had not summoned a bed.

"That was me," Regulus says. "Thought it would be more comfortable, since we're delicate right now, or whatever."

"About that," James begins, "are you sure you want to do anything? I don't want to hurt you..."

"If I wasn't sure..." James can feel his feet moving backwards as Regulus gains on him, "...I wouldn't have... conjured..." James' heels collide with the bed, "...this." Regulus pushes him backwards, not even trying to be gentle.

He climbs onto James, straddling his lap and begins to kiss him passionately. James can see stars and one shining brighter than them all - Regulus.

Regulus takes a hold of the strings on James' hoodie and loops them around his hands a few times, pulling James suddenly closer. He keeps his hands on Regulus' hips and helps as he begins rocking against James' lap.

"You're in my clothes-" James breaks the kiss for a moment.

"So?"

"It's nice-"

Kiss.

"I like it-"

Kiss.

"Especially these." He digs his fingers into the waistband of Regulus' (or his) pyjama bottoms, pulling them back and then letting them go with a loud slap. Regulus whines. "They hang so low on your hips-"

Kiss.

"You like that?" Regulus breathes.

"I fucking love it."

James finds it is easier to kiss Regulus than normal, as if there is no obstacle in the way. Then, he realises he left his glasses behind.

Regulus lets go of James' hoodie, letting the strings curl back in on themselves, and reaches for it's hem. He pulls it over James' head easily. Before James gets the chance to do anything, Regulus pushes him again, so that he is on his back, and begins to press hard kisses onto his neck and collar bone. A trail of them left up his throat and to his jaw and under his ear.

James, not able to wait any longer, trails his hands down from where they had made their way into Regulus' hair. He moves them back down to his hips and then slowly brings one hand to the front of Regulus' pyjama bottoms.

He listens as Regulus' breathing fastens and he mentally congratulates himself on being able to cause such an effect on him.

"Can I?"

"Yes," Regulus responds without any hesitation.

James reaches past the waistband and drags his hand teasingly down, before taking hold of Regulus.

"James-" Regulus mumbles breathlessly. He reaches away from James and takes his own shirt off, tossing it to one side. Then, he leans back down and kisses James in between his own gasps, as James' hand moves up and down... slowly and teasingly.

"If- if you keep doing that-" Regulus interrupts himself with a groan, "I won't be able to-"

James understands and reluctantly pulls his hand away. Regulus lifts up onto his knees, leaning either side of James' hips, and grabs hold of James' own pyjamas. He slides them off and allows James to assist him on taking his own off shortly afterwards.

After that it's mostly fumbling until they find the right angle and Regulus looks into James' eyes, much like James had done to him their first time, and asks, "Can I?"

"Yes," James answers.

"You're lovely," Regulus says to him.

Oh.

James is always the one to say it to him... it sounds so great coming off Regulus' lips.

Regulus leans down and kisses James as he pushes in and James feels an internal shudder that radiates through his whole body. He stares up at the starry ceiling but only focuses on one...

***

They dress and then actually make their way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Most of the students have gone off to class at this point, so the Hall is scarce of people. The few that remain still watch James and Regulus like hawks. It probably doesn't help that they are still holding hands, but James just can't find it in him to let go.

They go over to the Gryffindor table and sit beside Marlene, who is still there, mumbling something about a Charms essay she has due next period.

"You know classes have started now, right?" James tells her, whilst he butters a crumpet and then passes it over to Regulus. He then pours him a black coffee.

"What? Oh! Yeah, I know. Free period. I meant it's due the first lesson I have today." She waves her hand around chaotically and James flinches away from it.

Regulus slides over a plate with one sugared crumpet and one covered in raspberry jam and a goblet of pumpkin juice for James. Both enjoy their meals considerably.

"That's cute," Marlene says without looking up from her work once.

"What is?" James speaks.

"You two. Knowing each other's morning meals."

James and Regulus share a look of bewilderment and then it seems to hit them at the same time. He hadn't even realised... it had just been instinctual...

They've never had breakfast together at school before, but James remembers what Regulus always has back at home every morning. It had been fine when Regulus was unaware of the fact that James watched him make his breakfast every morning, but now... he'd just given himself away.

Regulus' cheeks tinge pink and it takes James another moment to realise that Regulus made his breakfast right too... He smirks to himself and continues to eat his perfectly prepared breakfast.

"Oh yeah," Marlene suddenly looks up at them both, "Remus and Sirius were wondering where you'd gone. Apparently you said you were coming straight down."

James and Regulus share a look but do not answer her question.

Marlene sniggers and nods. "At seven-thirty in the morning? Must be a new record."

Regulus' cheeks go from being pink to deep red and James chokes on his crumpet.

"You two are completely hopeless," Marlene shakes her head at the boys, smiling secretively.

Once they've finished their breakfast, James says goodbye to Marlene and wishes her luck with her essay. He and Regulus go back to the dormitory.

"You just rest for a bit, I'm going to pack. My parents are collecting us at one, I think."

They make their way up the stairs and open the door, coming face-to-face with Sirius.

"Where were you two? I checked the map and you weren't anywhere!"

"I tried to stop him," Remus defends from somewhere behind Sirius.

"We were getting breakfast," Regulus shrugs innocently.

"Yes, yes. I saw that. But before. Where were you before?"

"Having a little wander around," Regulus says. "Didn't know it was against the rules to participate in a bit of morning exercise."

James chokes on the air, but quickly coughs over it.

"Fine!" Sirius sits down on the end of the bed behind him and crosses his arms across his chest. "I don't need to know. I- REGULUS! WHY IS YOUR SHIRT ON THE WRONG WAY ROUND?!"

James' eyes widen and he watches as Sirius pounces from the bed and tries to launch himself at him. Regulus jumps in the middle, whilst Remus grabs Sirius around the waist and manages to lift him off the ground.

"Incarcerous," Remus points his wand at Sirius, who is magically bound so he cannot move. Then he chucks him over his shoulder, heading for the door. "If I were you, I'd be quick. Oh, and wherever you disappeared to before, maybe hang out there until it's time to go."

James nods and watches as his best friend is carried out, trying to kick and scream, but not being able to.

They stand in silence for a moment. James fiddles with a loose thread on the cuff of his hoodie, staring absentmindedly in front of him.

He thinks he must be imagining it when he hears Regulus softly ask, "Are you alright, James?" He looks up and notices Regulus' anxious - or maybe even worried - stance.

Slapping on a reassuring smile, he replies. "I'm fine, of course. Just making a mental list on what to pack. Reckon I should take my broom? It's only a couple of weeks, but then again I don't really want to miss out on any chances to practice. Yes... I think I will pack it."

"James."

"I'm fine," he says quickly.

"You're not fine." Regulus steps backwards. It's only a small step, barely even noticeable, but James notices it anyway. "I- I think-"

"You should rest," James interrupts. He isn't sure why, except he felt a red light begin to flash in his mind, telling him not to let Reggie finish that sentence. "Then you should go and pack."

Regulus stares at him for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face. It scares James a bit, that expression. He's become so accustomed to being able to read Regulus that now, not being able to understand what he is thinking, must mean they are no longer on the same thought process.

"Yeah," the other boy responds eventually. "I actually think I might... head down to the dungeons, do some packing and see Evan and Barty."

"Oh." James wilts a bit in disappointment, but understands that Regulus probably misses his friends. Once again, James is being too much for someone. He should learn to turn it down, to just respect boundaries. "Ok, yeah. Don't forget to have a nap too. I... I'll get Sirius to come and find you once mum and dad come for us."

"Alright." 

Regulus crosses the room without so much as glancing James' way and then leaves.

The room is left silent.

James hates the silence; he hates that there is no one here to please or to comfort. No one here to laugh with or smile at.

No one here to stop his mind from wandering away from him to that corner he hates.

The room is silent,

but James' mind is not.