Morning Star

Regulus is somehow coerced into sitting with James on the train. He tried to decline, to say he promised he was meeting up with Evan and Barty, and the girls. James was having none of it.

That's the problem with having a crush, Regulus is realising... it's hard to say no to them. All you want to do is please them and make them like you back. So, you pretty much do whatever they want. Regulus would like to hope he has more restraint than that, but when it comes to James- well, he guesses not. Considering the fact that he is currently searching the train for an empty carriage with James, he knows not.

Sirius has gone off with Mary, whilst Remus went off with Peter and those other Gryffindor girls they always hang out with - Marlene McKinnon and Lily Evans. Meaning James and Regulus are going to be sitting in a carriage alone. 

He's beginning to forget why he agreed to this, when James stops with a cheery "Aha!" and opens the door of the empty compartment in front of them. He holds out a hand, as if to say after you, so Regulus wanders inside. 

He sits on the seat closest to the window, leaning back into the soft plush of the seat, sighing. James closes the door and spells the curtain and lock shut. Then he lies down on the seat opposite Regulus. He has to bend his legs to fit, but he manages.

Regulus tries his best not to stare- or at least tries his best not to look like he's staring. However, ever since admitting to himself that he might have a teensy-weensy, barely existent crush on James, he's been finding it harder and harder not to notice the boy's beauty. Specifically, his pale, delicately sculptured skin, and his browny-green eyes that are bigger than he remembers them being. His nose fits perfectly in the centre of his face, almost as if someone spent years planning exactly how they would build his face to make it just right.

His stupidly messy hair, which is sticking up in all directions right now, is one of Regulus' favourite part about James. He's always running his hands through it, whether he's nervous or excited or angry or just because. Sometimes, Regulus thinks, James just messes it up to mess it up.

Then there's that kiss of a blush that always lingers on his cheeks, giving the impression he's always elated. 

But his absolute favourite part of James, are his hands.

They're just so imperfect. They aren't dainty looking, or masculine, they're... different. They round at their tips, and have short nails, most likely from James' unhealthy habit of biting them. His fingers aren't too long, but they aren't short. His hands have a light brush of hair on the base of them. But the real reason they are Regulus' favourite is because they look like the sort of hands that are always busy with things like building, or cooking, or drawing. However, James uses them carefully. So carefully. He touches delicately, and likes to let himself search things with the pads of his fingers, leaving a lingering sensation behind. 

He's so... gentle. 

Even his touch alone flaunts how much he loves. How much he enjoys learning everything he can about the world.

James does not see the world around him like everyone else does, nor is he blind. If anything, his eyes are more open than everyone else around him. Although, unlike most, he does not see the world through his eyes. He feels it, allowing it to fill him up through small touches and through inhaling the air, and giving it the freedom to release from his lungs. 

Regulus notices how James respects the world - life - as if it is a person. A gift sent from a God.

"Reggie?" James' voice comes into focus.

"Hmm?"

"You're... staring?" His face is bright with a smile, bringing light to his eyes. "I know I'm handsome, but seriously, take a picture. It will last longer."

"Your hair looks silly," Regulus says. 

"Blasphemy!" James calls out, shooting up and out of his seat. He sits down next to Regulus, cross-legged and facing him. "My hair is perfect, and you know it."

Regulus shrugs, fighting off a smile.

A sharp breeze attacks through the window, making Regulus shudder. James, of course, goes right into protection mode, and grabs Regulus's hands. Just like he did on that first day. The day they met. He squishes them between his own hands like a sandwich, and starts rubbing his hands up and down them. Then, he pulls them in and blows on them.

He's warm.

Like summer.

Like spring.

Like the sun.

James.

This time, Regulus doesn't pull away. He allows it to happen, and lets himself enjoy it. Surprisingly, it helps warm him up.

"We haven't talked about- you know..." James says out of nowhere, practically a whisper.

"About what?" Regulus questions, focusing on where James is still rubbing his hands.

"What we did. Uhh... in... my bed."

Regulus drops his hands. Oh. He wants to talk about this now. Regulus, well, he did not expect for them to ever talk about it. He thought it had been quite convenient when James had fallen asleep after. It saved them from having to suffer this... uncomfortable conversation.

Well, never mind then. Thanks, James.

"Must we talk about it?" Regulus snaps, pulling away from James. He stares out the window, immediately feeling guilty, but not allowing it to show.

"Sorry. We don't have to if you don't want to, I just- uh, well... Sorry."

Regulus turns to look at James who looks both guilty and ready to explode. For the first time since what happened... happened, Regulus notices the anxiety in James' eyes. He'd forgotten that it hadn't just been his first time doing anything, that it wasn't only he that may feel embarrassed or potentially shy about the whole thing, but that James is probably feeling the exact same way.

"No, you shouldn't apologise," Regulus grimaces. "I just don't really know how to talk about it."

"Me neither." James runs a frustrated hand through his hair. "I know it might feel uncomfortable to speak about, but surely it can't be too bad. We did... do it, so how weird can it be to talk about?"

"James, you can't even say it." Regulus sighs, watching as James visibly wilts in front of him. "What did we do?"

No response.

"We touched each other, got each other off. You literally had your hands around my dick." James flushes profusely, and Regulus somehow manages not to. "If you can't say that, then what exactly is it you want to talk about?"

"It's not like I can talk to my friends about it," James begins gently. "So, yeah. That's not great, especially since I'm me, and I always feel the need to vent what I feel."

Regulus considers this for a moment. James is right, and Regulus is being an arsehole. If he really wanted to, Regulus could go to his friends about it (he never actually would), but James cannot do that. This is particularly unfortunate because, like James said, he always has to vent whenever he feels something.

"I guess I wanted to let you know that... I liked it." James' eyes shift to the floor; he scrunches up his lips and moves them to the left side of his face.

Regulus reaches out, locking his pinkie around James'.

"I liked it too," he admits quietly.

"Oh- good. I mean- I'm glad." 

James slouches down into the seat, lifting his legs up to lay across it. He rests his head in Regulus' lap. "You don't mind, do you? I'm knackered."

Regulus doesn't answer, instead bringing his fingers to James' hair and stroking his scalp. James hums contentedly - he doesn't say anything else.

None of his friends come to find him, so he suspects Sirius or Remus told them where he is. Evan and Barty have some idea about what's going on, thanks to their suddenly acquired observation skills. Emma, Dorcas, and Pandora know about the first kiss, but haven't heard anything beyond that, so Regulus assumes they've forgotten.

Either way, he doesn't see any of them until he's in the dungeons. He goes through the common room, surprisingly undisturbed. Mulciber and his cronies have a habit of bothering him as frequently as they can. Thankfully, the coast is clear today.

Regulus knows something is wrong as soon as he enters his shared room. For one, Evan and Barty aren't present. Secondly, the bathroom door is locked, a very obvious Mufliato cast around it. 

He knocks on the door, calling out both of their names. Maybe Barty is crying over his father again - it tends to happen a lot nowadays, especially after he's been back home.

It takes a few moments for whoever is inside to take down the enchantments, but when they do, they do not open the door. Regulus knocks on it once more, pressing his ear up against the door. He hears shuffling and whispered voices- yes, voices plural. Then, the door slowly cracks open.

He sees Evan first.

"Hey, mate." Evan gives him a massive smile, showing his teeth and all. "Sorry, Barty's- uhh... he's having a bit of a rough time, you know? With his dad and all that. Was trying to make him feel better."

"Oh, ok," Regulus responds. Evan is acting... strangely. Usually, whenever Barty is upset about his dad, he'll let Regulus deal with it, since he knows first-hand what it's like to have shit parents. "Can I come in?"

Evan looks back, closing the door slightly. Regulus hears the two boys converse in whispers, before Evan opens it again.

"He says he's alright now." Evan shrugs, stepping out into the bedroom. "Best to leave him to it. Let him... clean himself up a bit."

"Yeah." Regulus squints at his friend, who is acting rather suspiciously. He doesn't ask him about it though, blaming it on the fact that they haven't seen each other in a couple of weeks, and maybe he just isn't used to Evan yet. "Did you have a nice Christmas?"

Evan immediately breaks out into a grin. "It was the best. You?"

"It was," Regulus hesitates, knowing he can't tell the truth, "fine. I got invited to the Slug Club."

"Hey, me too!" Evan cheers. "Barty kept calling me a no-good swot," he rolls his eyes.

"He's just jealous he wasn't invited," Regulus says.

"Probably."

The door to the bathroom opens, Barty shuffles out looking visibly a bit ruffled. Regulus sends him a rare smile and asks, "Alright?"

Barty sends Evan a look that Regulus cannot decipher. He nods, glancing back at Regulus, "S'pose."

"Guess what! Regulus got into the Slug Club too!" Evan cheers.

Barty grimaces and pretends to throw up all over the floor. "I'm sharing a room with a pair of tossers!"

"Oh, shut it." Evan waves his hand in the air as if to say pfft. 

***

The next morning, Regulus wakes up before the sunrise as he always has, and always will. For once, Evan and Barty don't yell at him to keep it down or go back to bed. Barty doesn't even throw anything at him. They both have their bedcurtains spelled shut, so he just assumes they cast silencing charms around their beds, so that they can't hear him.

He dresses for the day, combs his hair, cleans his teeth, and heads down to the Great Hall first. Not feeling all that hungry, he grabs a couple of slices of buttered toast for the Giant Squid, but none for himself. Then, he heads down to his usual spot beside the lake.

He's always loved this place. The soft grass, the glittering lake, a perfect canvas for the rising sun. The Oak tree that protects him from rain and the harshness of the wind, but mostly, this is where he and James first kissed. Looking back at it now, it means more to him. Maybe it always did, he doesn't know. 

There's a small ripple made in the water, so Regulus goes over to it, tearing a piece of toast in half, and chucking it in the lake. A moment later, the thick end of a tentacle sprouts out of the water like the budding of a flower, and drags the toast down under. He smiles, throwing another piece in, and then another.

Entranced by the miraculous creature, he doesn't notice the boy standing a few steps behind him, until he hears a quiet chuckle.

"Good morning, James." He says it without even looking back.

James walks to stand beside him, watching him tear the next bit of toast in half, and chuck it into the lake. "Good morning, Reggie."

"What's got you up so early? Having another gay crisis, are we?"

James laughs softly at this. "No. I knew you would be out here."

Regulus' heart thumps in his chest. Why does James have to be so... James?

"You're always out here," he continues. "Every morning to watch the sun come up. You're like a... Morning Star," James says with wonder in his voice. "Yes. You, Reggie, are a Morning Star."

"Is that even a thing?" Regulus questions, throwing the last piece of toast in the lake, and turning to sneak a peek at James, who is already staring back at him.

"It is now."

Regulus smiles faintly.

There's a plop of water, and Regulus turns back to the lake. A gangly tentacle has risen out of the depths of the lake, holding a stone. The Squid passes the stone to Regulus, who smiles down at it. With his other hand, he gently strokes the tentacle, before it pulls away.

"Wow," James stares at it in awe. "It's beautiful."

It really is. The stone is a bright turquoise colour - African Turquoise - with grey spindly lines patterned across it's surface. It's shinier than any rocks you could find on land, making Regulus suspect that the Squid looks after them.

The tentacle returns, holding out another stone, this time to James. He looks over at Regulus, his mouth agape with wonder. Regulus smiles and nods encouragingly at him, so he reaches out and takes it. It's a red agate rock, quite small, but very beautiful.

James carefully strokes the tentacle, smiling when it splashes water at him, before descending back down into the depths of the lake.

"It didn't do that to you!" James argues, but he's grinning.

"Harry," Regulus says.

"What?"

"Harry, that's what I've named him."

"Oh," James' smile grows. "I like it! Harry. Harry. Harry." It rolls of his tongue perfectly, like he was always meant to say it. "Why Harry?"

"Sirius showed me some music by a muggle singer called Harry Nilsson once. I don't know, I guess the name just sort of stuck in my head." He shrugs, feeling ridiculously self-conscious.

"Oh, yeah! He sang, er-" James snaps his fingers, "Spaceman!"

"Yeah, I think so."

"I like that song."

"So, did you come out here for a specific reason?" Regulus asks not unkindly.

"Kind of. I was thinking about talking to Sirius," James starts. "Not about us or anything, but I- er- I think I'm ready to tell him I'm gay."

"Oh," Regulus steps back, not expecting that. He'd had the thought that it would take James a bit longer than that to come out to Sirius, since he was freaking out about it so much before. "That's good. What made you make that decision?"

"Well, you did, actually." James sheepishly scratches the back of his head. "I really like... being with boys, and I just thought something I like so much, that feels so good, can't be bad. So, I've come to terms with it, and I'm not really scared of it anymore. Sorry, I don't know if that makes sense-"

"It does," Regulus cuts in.

"Ok, great. Also, I really want him to know. I think he's going to be ok with it, since he is with you. So, hopefully, yeah... he'll- he'll be ok with it."

"I'm sure he will," Regulus smiles at him.

James beams back in the way he always does, with his bottom lip covering his lower set of teeth, whilst his two front teeth sort of sit on it. It accents his dimples. Regulus feels his heart, and his breath, drop into his gut just at the sight of James.

Shit, that's bad. James doesn't even like him like that. No. He's just experimenting, which is fine. Regulus did knowingly consent to it, after all. So, it's his fault really if he gets his heart broken in the process. James doesn't like him like that, and does not know of Regulus' feelings, so he is in no way in the wrong.

Yet, even though he knows it's bad and he'll have to face the consequences in the future, he can't help but stare. James is a literal God. He's so stunningly beautiful inside and out. 

Regulus still doesn't truly understand what attracted him to James in particular. There are many beautiful people in the world- hell, in Hogwarts. Still, he chose James. James, who is so untidy, he can't even wear his tie right. It's loosely hanging around his neck, just as it always is. In all honesty, Regulus cannot fathom how James does not have more people pining after him. 

He's messy, but in an endearing way. Annoying, but in a cute way. Arrogant and cocky, but in a sweet oblivious way that Regulus cannot get enough of.

"Reggie?" James waves a hand in front of his face, and raises his eyebrows. "You're staring again."

"Yeah, I just-" Regulus cuts himself off, stepping towards James, which isn't too far at all. He stands on his tiptoes, tucking one of his hands into James' hair, and putting the other on his hip. Then, he kisses him. Just like their first kiss, in almost the exact same place.

James clearly hadn't been expecting it, but opens his mouth diligently anyway. He cups Regulus' face with both hands, making him feel precious and special. James smells like rosemary and fire, the perfect fusion of summer.

The next time Regulus sees James, he is in a completely different mood. Regulus and Evan are on their way to their first Slug Club gathering, dressed up in dress robes and fancy shoes. Barty has decided to "escort" them, as he puts it. Really, he and Evan are just talking the whole time. Regulus zones out almost as soon as the conversation starts.

They're close to Slughorn's chambers when Regulus notices a flash of ridiculous hair emerging from the stairs. He immediately identifies the hair as James, but it's all wrong. James is always happy and bright and strutting through the castle like he bloody owns the place. However, the hair is not doing that. They have a hand clutched to their chest, and a hand over their mouth, and they are sloppily running past the Great Hall to the entrance of the castle. 

It's late and he doesn't even have his invisibility cloak with him. Maybe it isn't James?

He hears a sob and immediately stops. Ok, this may or may not be James, but if it is, he will not let James run off crying alone. It's a rare thing, which honestly scares Regulus a bit. Also, James always manages to find him. This time, it's his turn to find James.

"Hey, guys. I'll be right there, tell Slughorn I'm still getting ready," he non-committedly calls over his shoulder, where he is already going in the opposite direction.

Evan and Barty both hum in response, not really leaving their current conversation enough to notice.

He follows James, already knowing where he's going before he turns towards the greenhouses. Regulus doesn't hesitate going right in after him, attempting to make as little noise as possible.

"James?" Regulus whisper-shouts into the darkness before him. Unexpectedly, there are no lights on in this greenhouse, so all he can see is a solid black sheet of nothing.

He hears a sniffle but does not receive a response.

"James? I know you're in here. I followed you, and I can hear you sniffing."

"You look really nice," a small voice comes from behind him. Regulus turns around, retracing his steps, but no one's there.

"James, where the fuck are you?" Regulus is growing frustrated now. He almost yelps when something grabs at his leg, only to look down and see James crouching under one of the tables. Regulus sighs with relief and bends down to crawl under, placing himself beside James.

"What's wrong?" He asks softly. This is really scary, James never cries. Maybe he has a couple of times before, but not really. He's always so passionate, whether angry or happy, but never sad.

James shrugs, rubbing the back of his hand across his nose. "Nothing," he looks away. "Shouldn't you be somewhere? You look amazing dressed like that."

Regulus tries to ignore the fluttering in his chest at that comment, focusing on the main issue here.

"Oh, just the Slug Club."

"You should go, I'll be fine," James croaks. His voice sounds raw and splintered, like he's swallowed glass. 

"I don't want to go."

"We said we wouldn't drop our obligations for each other, Reggie." James meets his eyes now; Regulus only knows this because the glow of the moon is reflecting against the glass of his spectacles, illuminating the hint of green in his eyes more than ever. 

"I know, that's why I'm here." He cups one side of James' face, hoping James can see the sincerity in his eyes through the dark. "You're my obligation tonight."

James pretty much whimpers at this, collapsing into Regulus' arms. Regulus allows him to rest his head against his chest, and pulls him in close, wrapping his arms around him.

"What happened, Sweetheart?" Regulus realises he sounds a bit like James' mum, but it seems to work, so he channels his inner Effie and carries on.

"I went to tell Sirius and I- I got scared. I suddenly had all these thoughts- what if he was alright with you being gay because you're his brother, but with me... I'm just me? I'm not you, Reggie. He might not forgive me for it."

"James, there is nothing to forgive. This is who you are, and if Sirius cannot see how wonderful, and kind, and special you are, then that's his own tough luck. Anyone who ever treats you differently because of who you fancy is malleable, and not worth it, trust me." Regulus presses a small kiss into James' hair. "Besides, Sirius could never dislike you for anything. He'll always love you and you know that. He will always love you."

"Maybe..." James' voice cracks, so he doesn't elaborate his thoughts.

"Definitely, James. He would be one to talk anyway, he's so clearly and embarrassingly in love with Remus. It would be ridiculously hypocritical of him to ever judge you, or anyone else, for this."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." James hiccups into Regulus' chest, his breathing slows down a little, but is still faster than normal.

"I am, and I know that whenever you decide to tell him, he will love you for it." He whispers, pressing his lips into James' hair again. "Fuck, he'll probably somehow love you more for it."

"I think I like you," James says in a small voice. He sounds like he's smiling, which fills Regulus with immense relief. To tell the truth, he has no fucking clue what he's doing. He's never been good at comforting people, except maybe Barty, but that might be because of his similarities with Sirius. And Regulus was always there to pick up the pieces of a broken Sirius after their mother was done with him.

"I would hope so by now," Regulus laughs quietly.

"Morning Star," James mumbles, snuggling closer into Regulus' chest. 

"Mon soleil," Regulus breathes. He knows he shouldn't on the off chance James knows French, or at least a little bit, but he can't help himself. He's spontaneous around James, which is dangerous, yet so addicting.

"What- did you-" James shoots up, eyes widening. He has red cheeks and eyes, with tear tracks down his face and a bit of a wet nose, like a dog or a deer. He looks so small and innocent, like a child. "Was that French?" He squeaks.

"Yeah. Doesn't Sirius ever speak in French around you?" 

"No! Sirius knows- well, of course he would. He's good at bloody everything. Wow... I can't believe neither of you told any of us before." James shakes his head. "Say something else."

"No," Regulus deadpanns.

"Please, for me? I'm sad remember. I'm having gay crisis number seventeen-thousand and eleven."

Regulus rolls his eyes fondly.

Fine. 

James wants French, he'll bloody give him French.

"Je ne devrais pas te dire ca au ou tu le memoriserais d'une maniere ou d'une autre et le reciterais a Sirius, mais je ne peux pas m'en empecher... Tu es si beau, James. 'Lovely' est le que vous utilisez habituellement pour moi, qui est devenu mon mot prefere dans la langue anglaise. Mais pour moi, tu es si belle. Vous etes vraiment le soleil; vous brillez et diffusez de la chaleur a chaque mauvaise journee, les rendant bonnes. Tu es special. Vous etes vraiment. Et je suis l'idiot qui tombe amoureux de toi."

James lets out a strangled noise, and slaps his hand over his mouth to cover it. His eyes are wider than they have ever been, and he looks... a bit like he's drunk.

"What did you say?"

"What do you think I said?" Regulus counters, smirking.

"I have no idea," James whines. "I heard the word beau a few times, no idea what that means. I also heard idiot, hope that wasn't directed at me." He raises an eyebrow at Regulus, who just keeps smirking at him. "I also heard a lot of je's and et's."

"Guess you'll never know."

"Wanker," James huffs.

"Yep."

"Right, we should start working on the Remus plan!" James claps his hands together, and Regulus groans.

"No, we shouldn't. We should hold it off for a little while, how about-" Regulus pretends to count on his fingers "-a hundred and fifty years. Yep, sounds great to me."

"Reggie," James giggles. "Come on, it's for Sirius' benefit."

"Alright, fine." Regulus huffs, crossing his arms like a petulant child. "How are we executing it then?"

"Executing it?" James asks, seemingly confused.

"Well, we need it to be realistic, otherwise I'll end up looking stupid."

"Right. Ooh! How about this?" The moonlight is dancing in the reflection of James' glasses as he fidgets with excitement. "The first time you give off the impression that you like Remus, you should do it in a public place. You won't feel awkward because you won't be alone with Remus, Sirius will see it and- hopefully he'll be jealous. I'll also be there in case you need help."

"When you say public... how public?"

James thinks about this for a second. "You have a match against Hufflepuff coming up, right?" 

"Right," Regulus nods, not sure where James is going with this.

"Are Slytherins the kind of people who have after parties when they win?" One of James' eyebrows rise suggestively.

"Yes, but only when we win," Regulus mumbles reluctantly. "Which we will. Don't tell me you want me to flirt with Remus Lupin in the middle of the Slytherin common room. In front of my friends!" He groans.

"It's perfect!" James exclaims. "You don't have to do anything too obvious. Just gently stroke his arm, or flirt-"

"James."

"Sorry, I know this is going to be uncomfortable. You don't have to do this." 

"Is it the only option we have left?" He asks.

James nods slowly.

Regulus sighs and gestures for James to carry on.

"So, you'll do that. Make sure to invite us to the party." James brought his hand up to his mouth and begun to chew on his nails. "Oh, shit! I forgot."

"Forgot what?"

"Mary!" James moved his hand to cover his mouth. "She'll be heartbroken. Reggie, we might not be able to do this after the Quidditch match. I think we'll have to wait until Mary and Sirius break up."

"That could be years."

James raises an eyebrow that says 'are you serious', before continuing on. "Knowing Mary, she won't put up with him for much longer."

"Ok. We still have a problem." Regulus brings his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He tries to cover his face in his knees as he mumbles, "I don't know how to flirt with someone."

"What? Sorry, I can't hear you," James says sincerely.

Regulus raises his head and closes his eyes, declaring loudly, "I don't know how to flirt with someone."

"Oh, it's easy," James waves his hand. "I'll teach you."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Watch, listen, learn." James grins, his eyes glinting mischievously. "There's physical touch, breath, and voice." He lists them out on his fingers. "Physical touch should be subtle and soft, but should linger long enough that they know it's intentional. Like this-"

James reaches out, stroking the pads of his fingers delicately over the back of Regulus' hand. He's warm and soft, and lingers long enough for Regulus to feel a rivet in his heart. His breath hitches and he only remembers to breathe when James starts to talk again.

"Then there's breath. Try to get as close as possible, so close they can feel your breath on their skin. Maybe on their neck or their face." James doesn't make any move to actually show Regulus what he means, so he assumes he isn't going to. "W- want to try?" 

"What?" Regulus questions him, startled.

"You know- for practice."

"Alright."

He leans in closer to James, keeping eye contact, which he has found is more difficult to do ever since developing a crush on him.

"Voice," James whispers. "You can whisper to them. It shows whoever you're flirting with that you're only talking to them- only looking at them. It's more... intimate."

Regulus gulps; his face is now a mere inch from James. He decides no one should ever be this close with their eyes open, it's only awkward. So, he closes his eyes.

Letting out a controlled breath, like a secret whisper, something only for James. No one else will hear about it, or feel it. No one else will touch it.

"I don't know what to say," he whispers.

"Say what you like about me- them," he answers.

Fuck, they'll be here all night.

"I don't like you sometimes," Regulus starts, his voice coming out as more of a breath than anything else.

"Great start." James laughs.

"Be quiet," Regulus scolds, rolling his eyes under his eyelids. "I don't like you sometimes. You do everything so effortlessly- school, Quidditch, the way you look, what you say. It's infuriating how perfect you are without even trying. You always dress so sloppily, with your too loose tie and your ridiculously messy hair and yet... you're one of the most worshipped people in the school."

"So, what you're saying is that you hate that you like me?"

Regulus contemplates this - it is sort of what he's saying. "Yes. Sort of. I don't like how perfect you are, but it's because you're so perfect that no one could ever hate you. Not really."

James doesn't answer, only leaning in closer, waiting for more.

"Do you want to know a secret?"

"Mmm," James hums silently.

"I care about you, James." He hears James inhale sharply. Regulus opens his eyes, wanting to look at him when he says it. James' eyes are closed behind his spectacles. "I really do."

He watches as a smile takes over James' face, and oh how that makes his chest fucking fly. He likes knowing he can have this affect on James. Likes knowing James is happy by this tiny thing that wouldn't mean much to anyone else, but to Regulus - someone who finds it hard to connect with people, to care - it means everything.

"I really like you, Reggie." James finally opens his eyes, they're massive and brown and all dopey looking. "You're lovely."

Now, Regulus smiles back.

***

"I hate Herbology," Barty huffs, clenching his hair in his fists, making him look manic.

"What's wrong with Herbology," Pandora questions without looking up. She's flicking through the pages of 'Magical Mediterranean Water-Plants and Their Properties' eagerly.

"It's so fucking boring," he drawls in response.

Regulus silently witnesses Evan send Barty a fond smile and rolling his eyes, before focusing back on his work. He's been noticing little things like this ever since he got back after Christmas. Evan watching Barty, or Barty watching Evan. 

It's not so unusual, he supposes. Evan has always been more of an observer than a speaker. However, it is strange of Barty; he normally doesn't take much notice of the things going on around him.

They're studying in the library, much like they have been recently. Their O.W.L's are right around the corner. That's the only reason Barty is in the library, he usually doesn't take much care with his studies, being naturally talented and clever. Regulus guesses Mr Crouch probably threatened his son about his O.W.L's, and that is the only reason Barty is suddenly taking them so seriously. 

Either that, or he has someone else convincing him.

"I think it's fascinating," Pandora replies. Wonder fills her eyes as she turns to the page marked Gillyweed.

"Well, I'm dropping it after this year." Barty crosses his arms, sulking, and leans back in his chair. His gaze moves over to Evan and a small smile appears on his lips.

"Fair enough," Regulus mutters. His brain is a little frazzled by all the names of the different types of underwater plants they have to memorise for the exams. He hates getting like this, it makes his hair go fuzzy and static.

Barty makes a move to stand up, looking down at Pandora and Regulus. "That's enough studying for one day, lads. I'm going to my bed."

"Good night," Pandora says sweetly at the same time Regulus calls "Goodbye".

"Yeah... I think I'm going to call it a night too," Evan pipes up. He stretches back in his seat, yawning, before getting up and following where Barty just left.

"Pandora?"

"Mmm?" She glances up from her book, her fingers twirling a strand of her hair around each other.

"Have you noticed Barty and Evan acting... different lately?" Regulus asks, not sure if he's reading into things too much or not.

"Not really. They're acting the same as always." Pandora shrugs, staring back down at her book.

"What do you mean?"

Pandora shuts her book, apparently resigning the idea of being able to continue reading it if Regulus is going to keep talking.

"Secret smiles, little nudges, quiet communication between only the two of them that no one else can understand." She says it in a tone that suggests this is all obvious. "They're best friends, Reg. Isn't your brother like that with James Potter?"

"I guess," Regulus begins, "But this is different to Sirius and James. I don't know how to explain it, but they seem more... intimate."

"Intimate?" She arches one of her eyebrows.

"Don't make me say it, Pandora."

"Evan and Barty?" Her eyebrows furrow with doubt.

"You know what, just forget about it," Regulus sighs, feeling tired of revising too. "I'm going to go find- I mean... I'm going to bed. See you, Pandora." He picks up all his books from the table, sending them back to their shelves with a spell, and speeds off, hearing Pandora yell a goodbye to him, which gets her a hiss in return from Madam Pince (the librarian).

Regulus is meant to meet up with James near the lake in an hour, so he decides to go there early. James usually gets there early anyway. On his way, he runs into Dorcas, who immediately falls into step with him.

"Hey, Reg."

"Hey."

"How's studying going? I remember O.W.L's. They were complete shit," she shakes her head, grimacing comically.

He chuckles lightly. "It's alright. I'll admit Herbology is getting a bit tedious with all the plants, and the cells in the plants, and their properties, and... well you get the point."

"Yeah, I'm so glad I dropped that. Where are you headed?"

Regulus' heart picks up speed, but he doesn't allow his face to show it, instead going still. Emotionless.

"Just going to sit out by the lake for a little while. How are things proceeding with Marlene McKinnon?" He tries to change the subject, knowing McKinnon is most likely the best way to go.

"Horrid," Dorcas huffs. "I swear she gets prettier every day, and all I want to do is tell her how I feel, but what if she doesn't like me? What if she doesn't like girls? She might think I'm disgusting. Not that I care for her opinion," she sticks her chin out, crossing her arms. "I just... really want to know if she likes me back."

"I have the perfect opportunity for you, and if she doesn't feel the same way, she'll never know you like her."

"What is it? Tell me immediately." Dorcas squeezes both of her hands around Regulus' right arm, strangling it like a cobra.

"I've invited some of the Gryffindors to the after party of our next Quidditch match. Marlene will probably come since she's friends with James, and I invited him-"

"Ooh, James." Dorcas sends him a sly smirk, which he ignores.

"-and he's friends with McKinnon. You can try to kiss her when you're drunk, and if she denies you, just blame it on the alcohol."

"Wait, that's actually brilliant, Reg!" Dorcas finally lets go of his arm, ringing her hands together in excitement. "Since when did you become such a genius when it comes to romance?"

"What- I'm not-" He splutters. "I want you to be happy is all."

"Now you're just scaring me," Dorcas stops them both, putting her hands on her hips. "You've been hanging around too many Gryffindors. They're melting your brain. Making you nice."

"At least I'm not tripping over myself for one," he retorts. Of course, this isn't true at all, not that Dorcas knows.

Her face flushes red underneath her freckled, almond skin.

"I'm going to go and cry in my pillow about a certain Gryffindor now," she says as they come up to the entrance to the dungeons. "Bye, Reg."

"Bye," he calls over his shoulder.

It's nearing the end of January now, meaning the weather is still quite nippy, but not nearly as bad as it was a month ago. Regulus has not learned his lesson, and so when he arrives at the Oak tree and sees James waiting with a spare jumper bundled in his arms, he smiles. He likes how well James knows him. Like he's really paying attention.

"Of course," the bespectacled boy rolls his eyes, trying to stifle a grin. "I knew you'd forget."

"Didn't forget," Regulus shrugs, taking the jumper from James. It's a maroon-coloured hoodie (one of James'). "Just couldn't be bothered to go all the way down to the dungeons and then all the way back up and out here."

"Life must be so difficult for you," James replies sarcastically.

"It really is." Regulus slips the hoodie over his head, then puts his arms through it. The sleeves are far too long, reaching two inches past his fingertips, but he doesn't mind. It makes him warmer.

"Hey, can I uh- ask you a question?" James asks, suddenly seeming nervous. He's scratching the back of his head, which is slightly bowed like a dog.

"Yeah?"

"You don't have to answer, whether you don't know or aren't allowed to- I- well, I'm asking for a friend-"

"Spit it out, James," Regulus says sharply.

"Ok. Lily wanted to know if Pandora is available romantically, or you know... if she likes girls?" James squints his eyes, looking like he's uncomfortable and does not want to be a part of this particular task.

"I don't know," Regulus answers honestly. "She hasn't said anything. Why? Does Lily like Pandora?"

"I think so. She hasn't officially come out or anything, but I suppose not everyone does, do they? Like, it's up to them if they want to or not."

Regulus plays with the grass between his fingers, not looking at James, but he knows James is looking at him.

"I could ask her, but there's no guarantee I'll be telling you, or anyone else what she says. So, this might be completely useless, but I can try? Maybe I can subtly suggest something about Lily Evans and how she might be interested."

"Could you?" James deflates a bit, seeming less tense than only seconds before. "You're a lifesaver, Reggie, thanks."

"Anytime." Apparently I'm a matchmaker now, so it would only be appropriate. 

He internally rolls his eyes.

"Speaking of setting up our friends- Peter." That's all Regulus needs to say apparently, because a moment later James is groaning and rolling over on the grass to lay flat on his face. "He needs to stop harassing Emma."

"I know. We've tried to tell him, but he's determined." James moves onto his side, holding his head in one palm. "Peter is a bit of a slut, and he's never liked a girl for more than a week. With Emma, it's different. He hasn't stopped going on about her for months."

"Really?"

"Really," James nods enthusiastically. "All he ever does is talk about Emma this and Emma that. As well as Oh, Emma's hair is so perfect, like the colour of a raven. We all need group therapy after that. I swear, Reggie, he went on and on about her hair - her hair - for two weeks!"

Regulus snorts.

"Is there no chance she likes him back?" James questions.

"I don't know. She's always complaining about how annoying he is, following her around everywhere. Although, sometimes she'll be ranting about him and she'll be smiling. I don't even think she knows she does it." Regulus glances up to see James, whose eyes are dancing brightly with hope.

"What if they get married?" James squeals, making Regulus flinch.

"Disgusting."

"I love weddings!" James rolls onto his back, crossing his arms behind his head, and staring up at the darkening sky. 

"Of course you do," Regulus replies flatly. He decides to copy James, lying on his back, facing the returning stars.

"Since Pete is my friend and Emma is yours, we would both be in the wedding too. I think I want to be a bridesmaid."

"Do you mean a groomsman?" Regulus laughs into the cold air, watching as his breath forms a little cloud above his face.

"Potato po-tar-to." 

"You would make an excellent bridesmaid, James."

James turns his head to face him, so Regulus does the same. He feels the bristled grass tickle his cheek, but he doesn't mind. "Thank you, that is the nicest thing you have ever said to me," James jokes, putting a hand over his chest.

Regulus smiles at him, eventually turning back to the sky. A few stars have begun to show, brightly shining across the sky like a torch under a sheet. When he was younger, Regulus used to think that's what the stars and the moon were - a torch flashing through a sheet. Sirius once told him there was a giant beyond the sky whose blanket was ragged, and therefore had holes in, and he was scared of the dark. So, he would hide under his blanket and turn on a torch, illuminating the space so that he was no longer afraid. Through the holes in his blanket small bursts of light glowed through, and that's what we see. The glow of the giant's torch because he's still scared of the dark, after all these years.

Even though he knows it's not true, Regulus still looks out for a glimpse of the giant through the stars and the moon. Maybe one day the moon will flicker and be replaced by a giant eye. 

He can feel James' eyes on him, it makes him want to squirm.

"James, look at the stars."

"I am looking at one," James responds softly. "The brightest Morning Star there is."

Regulus lets himself smile at this; he closes his eyes and feels as the delicate night wind breezes over him, ruffling his hair. If only he could stay like this forever. With James next to him, watching him, calling him the brightest. Calling him Morning Star.

If only it were real.

"I have to go," James whispers once the sky has been completely consumed by the darkness of the night. 

"Why?" Regulus whines. He opens his eyes and is immediately greeted by the sight of the moon. 

It's full.

Oh.

Oh.

James has to go.

But why? He's not the one who's a werewolf, that's Remus.

"Because, Love, it's getting late and I have to. Sorry." He leans down, placing a gentle kiss on Regulus' lips. "I'll see you tomorrow. Don't stay out too late, you never know what could come out of that forest."

"Ok," Regulus responds, closing his eyes again. He listens to James' footsteps recede, and only when he cannot hear them anymore, does he get up and go back to the dungeons.

***

Barty and Evan continue to act strangely for the rest of the week. Regulus wants to confront them, but has never been very good at the whole confrontation thing. So, in the end, he decides to let them get to it and just tries to ignore the change in the atmosphere whenever they're around each other.

"How's the sun today?" Barty asks, hopping into his trousers and almost losing his balance.

"The sun?" Regulus splutters. The can't know he was just with James, can they?

"Yeah, you know... the sun." Barty points out the window towards the glowing orb in the sky, making the sudden tension in Regulus' shoulders disappear.

"How am I supposed to know? It's not like I talk to it."

"Alright, Mr Grumpy-Pants," Evan says in a voice someone might use to talk to a baby. He grabs something from his bed and chucks it to Regulus. "The house elves brought this up with the laundry and put it on my bed by mistake."

Regulus stares at the clothing in his hand. James' hoodie.

He flushes as red as the jumper, violently stuffing it away in his trunk and under all his clothes.

"So," Barty begins, lying down on Regulus' bed and putting his head in his hands, "When did lover-boy give you that?"

"Don't call him that," Regulus snaps. When Barty remains undeterred, he sighs, sitting on the bed beside him. "A few nights ago. Only because I'd forgotten a jumper."

"Why were you with Potter a few nights ago?" Evan joins in now.

"Not you too," Regulus groans, throwing himself back into his mattress.

"Do you have a secret boyfriend, Reg?" Barty sings.

"No. No, he's not my boyfriend." He wishes mercilessly that his friends will leave him the fuck alone.

"Random hook-up then?" Barty crows a laugh, but Evan shies away. The other boy stops laughing immediately, appearing suddenly guilty.

"No. He's my... friend."

"Fine. If that's all you want to tell us then- fine." Barty rolls of the bed, heading for the door. "Come on. Breakfast." Regulus and Evan follow after him. 

They almost make it through the common room without any distractions, until Mulciber shoots up from the chair he was previously occupying by the fire, heading straight for them.

"Black," he grimaces.

"Mulciber," Regulus responds, stony faced.

"Is it true your parents didn't want you around this Christmas?" The boy snarls, his large nose somehow growing bigger as his nostrils flare. "I can't imagine why they would want something as pathetic and disgusting as a blood traitor in their house."

"I had a wonderful Christmas, Mulciber, thank you for asking." Regulus goes to turn, but Mulciber grabs his elbow, pulling him back. Mulciber is a big boy, tall and brawny, so it doesn't take much to stop Regulus in his tracks. 

"Get the fuck off him!" Barty grits through his teeth, whilst Evan draws his wand silently.

"Relax, Crouch." Mulciber lets go of Regulus, straightening his collar, which he just ruffled. "Just want to have a friendly chat about your friend. Emma."

"She's already told you no about a thousand times by now," Evan drawls, sounding bored. "Give it a rest."

"That bitch is just playing hard to get," Mulciber bites. "I don't care what I have to do to get her to comply." He raises a suggestive eyebrow, making Regulus' stomach squirm.

"You sick fuck!" Barty yells, pointing his wand to Mulciber's neck. "She's fifteen! You're seventeen! You'll leave her alone!"

"Will I?" Mulciber grins sadistically.

"If you don't, we'll kill you," Regulus snaps. "Don't fucking underestimate us."

The three boys leave, still pointing their wands in the direction of Mulciber, who smirks at them until they're out of sight.

"Bastard! I'll kill him!" Barty growls. "I swear to Merlin, I'm going to-"

"Who are you killing?"

They all turn to see James leaning against the opposite wall, smiling at them brightly, as if he didn't just listen to Barty ranting about murdering someone.

"Mulciber," Barty replies. 

"Ah, fair enough," James nods.

Barty turns to Regulus and winks with a devilish grin, grabbing Evan's arm and saying, "We have to get somewhere. Bye, James!"

"Bye." James waves at them, turning back to Regulus. "Hi."

"Hi." Despite himself, Regulus smiles. "What are you doing here?"

"Walking you to breakfast," he shrugs nonchalantly. They make their way out of the dungeons and begin to walk in the complete opposite direction of the Great Hall.

"James. Where are you going?"

"Breakfast," he replies, implying that where he is going is obvious.

"We're going the wrong way," Regulus calls from behind him, but decides to follow James anyway.

"No, we're not."

James pulls his invisibility cloak out of his pocket.

"And we can't walk around the castle in broad daylight... why?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Where we're going is unknown to all students and most of the staff, so..." James cocks his head, gesturing once again for Regulus to join him. 

He reaches out, feeling the silky fabric beneath his fingertips. Immediately, he feels it's magic shoot through his bones like an electric wake, covering his body in tingles. He stands next to James, who has to put an arm around his shoulders to make sure the cloak is properly covering them. 

They wander through the castle, up... up... up... until they reach the seventh floor. James starts down the left corridor, passing a few suits of armour and ancient tapestries on their way. They come up to a wall, stopping in front of a tapestry depicting Barnabas the Barmy attempting to teach trolls ballet. 

James turns them around, so that they are facing the opposite wall, which is blank stone.

"Is the food under another invisibility cloak of yours?" Regulus questions sarcastically.

"Hold on." James reaches to swipe the cloak off them, bundling it up and placing it on the floor beside Barnabas. He closes his eyes and begins to pace.

"James," Regulus sighs, exasperated. "What are you-"

He's cut off by the sudden crackling off stone; he looks up, watching as a large, iron-framed door begins to carve it's way into the stone. James returns next to him, invisibility cloak in one arm. With his free arm, he takes Regulus' hand, grinning excitedly, and pushes open the door.

"Welcome, Reggie, to the Come and Go Room."

Regulus' eyes widen as he takes in the scene before him. It sort of looks like a very small house, but without walls, an open floor plan. In one part of the room, there's a mini kitchen with an already prepared meal waiting on the small, circular table. In one of the corners, there is a massive bookshelf that reaches the ceiling. It has one of those ladders with wheels on it, so that you can reach all the highest books. Of course, there is a magical way to do this, but where's the fun in that?

Beside the bookshelf, there is a couple of large beanbags and a couch surrounding a full fireplace, with a marble mantle, and a tapestry of some (muggle?) painting above it.

There's a wardrobe in one of the corners. Regulus opens it and finds Slytherin and Gryffindor uniforms already hanging up in there. He swiftly closes it, feeling like he shouldn't have seen that.

The floors are hardwood, but there's a massive stitched rug covering most of it. The walls are a deep red, and the ceiling... oh, the ceiling. It mocks the night sky, showing off every star that would be out at this time of year, if it were night. Unlike the ceiling in the Great Hall, this one seems to only show the night-time, whilst the other mirrors the sky outside.

"James- I- What is this place?"

He's still staring at the ceiling, mouth slightly agape, when James gently pulls him in the direction of the small table. Stacked on the plates are pancakes with strawberries and chocolate for James, and pancakes with lemon and sugar for Regulus. His favourite.

"I came across it once in third year when I was trying to escape from Mrs Norris," James says, digging into his food. "I haven't shown anyone, and I- well, I wanted it to be just mine."

"Then why are you showing me?" Regulus asks, finally looking away from the sky to stare at James.

James doesn't answer for a while, apparently thinking of what to say. "Another place for us to hide, I suppose." He shrugs, his light faltering a little. He stuffs another forkful of chocolate covered pancakes in his mouth.

Regulus begins to eat his own pancakes and- oh Merlin. They are the best thing he's ever eaten. 

"Did you make these?" He questions, already filling his mouth with more.

"Yeah," James replies sheepishly. "Are they alright?"

"Alright? They're amazing."

"Oh, thanks," James blushes.

Once they've finished eating, James takes him for a tour of the room.

"So, the bookshelf has English books and French books, because- I really like it when you speak French." He mumbles that last part. "There's about two hundred books here. If you ever finish, we can just get more. The wardrobe is here for if we accidentally stay overnight and need some spare clothes because, well, you know."

"What's that?" Regulus tries to change the subject, pointing at the tapestry above the fireplace.

"Oh, that's a muggle painting. Another Greek Mythological story."

Regulus steps around the couch and sits down on it, staring straight up at the painting. James shortly follows him.

"Tell me a story," he whispers.

James rests one of his arms on the back of the couch behind Regulus' head, which almost makes him go mad.

"Orpheus and Eurydice - those are their names," he starts, his voice sounding soft and melodic. "Orpheus was a musician and poet, and always carried a lyre on his shoulder. He and Eurydice fell in love and were married, but on the night of their wedding, Eurydice was bitten by a viper and died of it's venom."

"Well that didn't last long, did it?" Regulus shakes his head. What is wrong with all these Greek people and their tragedies? He still remembers the story of Achilles and Patroclus that James told him a couple of mornings ago as they watched the sunrise. That was one of his favourites.

"No, it didn't," James continues. "Orpheus was distraught with grief, so he descended into the underworld, determined to restore her mortality."

"Did he?" Regulus whispers, becoming unintentionally invested.

"Mmm..."

"You don't know? This is just like with Midas and his daughter. Do you ever read to the end?"

"Well, I was invested in the meaning behind the story," James pouts.

"Which is?"

"Orpheus loved Eurydice so much, he was willing to dive headfirst into the depths of literal hell to get her back, knowing the probability of it's success or, more likely, failure." James' eyes do not leave the painting, but Regulus' do. He stares at James and thinks, I would go to hell to save you.

James is worth more than him, it would only be fair for Regulus to trade his soul for James', even if the swapping of souls wasn't a part of the story, he'd still do it.

"All the stories you tell me are depressing," Regulus states.

James turns to face him now, brown eyes glowing orange by the flickering flames in the fireplace. "Sorry."

"It's fine. Those are my favourite kind." He leans closer to James and rests his head on his shoulder.

James laughs softly, sitting his own head on top of Regulus'. "Only you, Regulus Black."