Morning Star

James remembers every interaction he's ever had with Regulus, right down to the little insignificant conversations they've had in the past. He didn't know why, until now, but he's always kept them in a box in the back of his mind, labelled Regulus. Like they were precious.

They are precious.

Ever since realising his feelings for Regulus, he's dug up this box and sifted through each memory like one would old photographs. He remembers every single time Regulus asked James where Sirius was, or why he was ignoring him. He also remembers brushing Regulus off every single time, not knowing the seriousness of each question that went unanswered.

There are some things he remembers that he'd forgotten about. Things that wouldn't really matter to anyone else in the world, but to James they mean everything. Any and every interaction he's ever had with Regulus, he wants to keep in that box and tuck it away where no one can reach it, except for him.

It's all his. He wants Regulus to be all his.

There's one memory that's come back to him, and to everyone on the outside, it probably wouldn't look like anything - but to James, it means everything.

Ever since he came out, he's been seeing things differently. Noticing things he hadn't before. There were times he had been simply talking to another boy and had a weird flutter in his stomach - back then it seemed like nothing. Now, he knows it meant everything. He knows he's always been gay, it's just strange only now realising such a deep and important thing about yourself now.

It's like looking in the mirror and seeing your eye colour for the first time after sixteen years of being blind.

If James is being honest, it's really fucking scary. Unnerving. He doesn't like that feeling of not knowing what or who he could be without even realising it. What's scarier is that others could realise it before he ever does himself. If the wrong person finds out, then he's pretty much fucked.

A new sense of curiosity has also filled him. He wonders, knowing now of his - What? Crush? - on Regulus, if he was obvious about it before he was aware of it. Did he stare at him too much without realising? Did he talk about him for too long? What did he do that could've made it obvious?

One memory comes to mind, and he knows- he just knows he liked Regulus at this point. He can feel it in his bones. He was only fourteen, making Regulus only thirteen.

James had walked into the library, trying to see if he could find Remus (he wasn't there). Instead, he had spotted Regulus sitting alone at one of the desks, reading a book. James remembers he'd watched the boy for a little while. Watched how his mouth moved slightly as if he were reciting the words on the page. James had walked over to him and plopped himself down in the chair next to Regulus, who had stopped reading immediately.

Regulus had stared at James in a way he never had before. His eyes were full of a mix of anger and exhaustion. Looking back on it now, James can tell that this is where Regulus gave up on Sirius. This is where he probably started blaming James for it all. For taking his brother away.

"What is it, Potter?" Regulus had sighed, turning back to his book.

"Just- How are you?"

"Absolutely fantastic. What about you?" He'd said in a flat tone. James had laughed at this, he doesn't know why. Well, he does. Regulus is so- he's just really mean, but in a funny way.

"Reggie, I-" James had begun, only to have Regulus interrupt him.

"Call me Regulus. Why do you insist on calling me that childish name?"

"I dunno," James shrugged. "It just keeps coming out."

"Well... keep it in."

James had laughed again.

Oh, it was so obvious. He'd literally sat there for a further ten minutes just watching Regulus read- or try to read. He kept telling James to piss off, and when he wouldn't, Regulus would turn back to his book, but his mouth wouldn't move and his eyes stayed on one spot of the page.

Surely, Regulus would have known. Surely.

Although, James supposes, he didn't really know himself.

Either way, the memory makes James miss Regulus. He hasn't seen him in ages. Since- When was the last time he saw him? Breakfast? No... after his last lesson (which was an hour ago)? Yep, that was it.

He groans in frustration and chucks himself back on his bed, rubbing his eyes under his glasses.

"Prongs?" Sirius calls, parting the hangings around James' bed. He looks very upside down right now. He looks a bit like Regulus right now. James tilts his head and squints his eyes.

Oh, that's creepy. He's never noticed before, but Sirius and Regulus look really alike.

"Pads," James says, lifting his arms out in reach for Sirius.

"What's wrong?" Sirius sits down next to him, giving James both of his hands. James takes them and hugs them close to his chest.

"I can't find your brother anywhere, and I- I need to talk to him."

"My brother? Why?"

James shrugs. "He's my friend. I think he's actually becoming one of my best friends-"

Sirius gasps, withdrawing his hands from James' grasp.

"Take that back," he whispers. "Take it back."

James sits up, facing Sirius. "Siri-"

"No, James. Take it back!"

"I didn't say he was my best friend, you idiot. He's one of my best friends. You know you're my favourite." He grins at Sirius, who doesn't appear to be any happier.

"Oh, so what about Moony and Pete?"

"W- I- There's no way for me to win here!" James groans again, flopping himself back on his bed. "You're all my favourite, but you have my heart, Black."

Sirius passes one of his hands back to James and says, "Perfect. Also, if you're looking for Reg, you could just check the map."

James sits up so quickly, he swears he gives himself whiplash.

"The map! Why didn't I think to check the bloody map? Oh, pads, you're a beauty!" James grins, jumping out of his bed and searching for the map.

"Alone. Once again," he hears Sirius mumble. "Maybe I should go drown myself in the lake."

"Dramatic trollop," James chuckles. "Found it!"

He holds the map above his head and tries to back himself out from under Remus' bed, which is where he found it.

"Knowing how protective he is over this thing, you'd think he would treat it with more care," James says, shaking his head.

"Yeah, he doesn't know how to treat things with care," Sirius mumbles. He shakes his hair out of his face, now standing next to James.

Great. They're fighting. Again.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," James says, holding his wand up to the blank parchment. He scans the entire thing with his eyes, before finally landing upon the dot labelled Regulus Arcturus Black. "He's on the edge of the forest! Perfect!"

"Why is that perfect?" Sirius asks, nosily.

"I'm going to tell him a story!" James cheers, grabbing two of his jumpers and skipping across the room to the door. He wrenches it open, coming face to face with Remus, but not caring enough to stop. He knows a massive argument is about to happen between the two other boys, so he sprints away, without looking back.

On his way out of the portrait, James tugs on one of the jumpers, whilst attempting to balance everything he's holding in one arm. He double checks the map, just in case Regulus has decided to move - he hasn't.

James might as well be running at the pace he's walking. He makes it out of the castle and down to the lake in less than five minutes.

Regulus is sitting down, leaning against one of the vast trunked trees of the forbidden forest. He has a book perched in his lap.

James stops, approaching slowly. He allows himself to watch as Regulus' eyes wander the pages, his mouth moving with the words.

He looks so young right now, so small and innocent, next to the massive trees.

It's November now, so the weather has grown chillier, especially near the lake. Of course, Regulus is not wearing a jumper. He never does.

His head whips up when James comes into distance with him. His cheeks are painted pink by the cold, as well as the tip of his pointy nose. James could swear Regulus almost smiles when he sees him, but it's so swift, he isn't quite sure.

"You're cold."

"No, I'm not," he says calmly.

"Yes, you are," James replies, sitting down right next to Regulus.

"I like the cold." Regulus shrugs, turning back to his book, as if that is the end of that conversation. It isn't.

"No one likes the cold. You can not like heat, it doesn't mean you enjoy the cold." James lifts up the second jumper he's brought with him and passes it to Regulus. "Here."

"How did you know where I was?"

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies," James smirks.

Regulus squints his eyes, but decides to not question James about it any further.

"I don't want that," he says instead, staring at the jumper as if it's about to jump up and bite him.

"Why not?" James pouts. "It smells like me, lover."

"Oh, well in that case," Regulus mutters sarcastically.

James grins mischievously, before grabbing the head of the jumper and attempting to shove it on Regulus himself.

"James, what are you- no! James!" Regulus tries to squirm away, but James is stronger. He moves his legs on top of Regulus', so that he can't move. Then, with one hand, he grabs both of the other boys' scrambling hands and holds them in place behind his back.

"Hold still," James says, giggling when Reggie's head pops through the hole of the jumper. His hair is a fluffy mess, falling all over his face.

James let's one of his arms go, and forces it through an arm hole, before doing the same with the other. By the end of it, Regulus looks thoroughly traumatised.

"I hate you," he says flatly.

"No, you don't." James waves it off.

Regulus stares up at him through his eyelashes. He's biting the inside of his bottom lip - which is making James go insane. He suddenly realises their position. James is sitting in his lap, and Regulus' hands are resting on James' knees.

He swallows.

"You're lovely," James speaks softly, his tone almost a whisper. "Reggie."

He lifts his hand and fixes Regulus' hair where it went all static from the jumper. There's that one stubborn curl that never seems to do what it's told. It loiters in front of one of his eyes, which James will not allow.

"James."

His gaze moves to Regulus' eyes. They're so suffocatingly dark, it's mesmerising. They're not as black as his pupils, but close to it. He looks like a dark angel. So perfect. So beautiful. So lovely.

James leans down. He loves this bit. He loves how he can just kiss Regulus and he'll kiss him back. It feels... Oh, he doesn't even know. It makes his heart fucking burst out of his ribcage. His mind runs a marathon anytime he ever gets this close.

Regulus presses his fingertips into James' knees, sending an electric current through his body.

"Shit," James mutters.

"What?" Regulus pulls back, his face full of alarm.

"Oh, nothing. Just you," James smiles. He doesn't lean back in though, he stands up instead and holds out a hand for Regulus.

"Where are we going?" He asks, taking James' hand. James doesn't let it go once he's up. He links their fingers together, and Regulus does something James does not expect. He squeezes James' hand sweetly, and begins to stroke his thumb up and down James' finger.

Oh no.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake," James groans.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything is right." Which is wrong, James does not say.

Buggering hell. He's falling for Regulus. This is not a crush anymore. Nope. He is falling for his best friend's little brother, of whom he has a sex deal with. Oh, and the best part, who doesn't like him back like that.

Fucking brilliant.

"Come on," James tugs on Reggie's hand. "I'm going to tell you a story."

***

James has never had any ill feelings against going home to see his parents. Never. Except for now.

There's a first time for everything, right?

It's not that he doesn't want to see his mum and dad, because he does. He misses them a lot when he's at school. He got lucky in the parent department, so unlike most teenagers, he looks forward to spending time with them.

This Christmas will be different. It will be the same in a lot of ways; Remus and Sirius will be staying over, Peter will likely visit every day (since he lives in the same village as James), it will be a nice, cosy Christmas.

The difference is Regulus. He's never been there before. He's never been away from his family for a Christmas before. The Black's last Christmas went abysmally, so they're probably hoping for a calm one this year. The fact that their previous Christmas went so badly only means they probably are not looking forward to this one.

James is so glad Regulus will be there this year - in fact, he couldn't be happier. He loves spending time with Regulus in their (now familiar) little hiding places throughout the castle. He loves taking him the the forest and climbing trees with him, just so he can tell him a story.

Hogwarts isn't near any muggle battlegrounds (not that James knows of anyway), so instead of telling Regulus stories of that, James tells him stories of his life.

The thing is, he and Regulus act around each other in a certain way. Whenever they see each other, they're either snogging or touching in some way, pressed up against a wall, or hidden in a cramped space.

They barely see each other in public. However, on the odd occasion that they do bump into each other whilst other people - or worse, Sirius - are around, they try to interact as little as possible. James has gotten so used to jokily flirting with Regulus and greeting him by either pecking his cheek or taking his hand, that he's forgotten how to treat him normally. He's- well, he's forgotten how to be straight around Regulus.

Which is fine, he knows that. But it's not fine when he hasn't yet come out to anyone else, and he doesn't think him kissing Regulus is the best way to let Sirius know.

So, James is very nervous about this Christmas. He's going to be in close proximity to Sirius (his best friend who does not know about his newly-discovered sexuality, or about the sex deal he has with his little brother), his other best friend, Remus (who also has no idea about his newly-discovered sexuality, and also has a crush on Sirius, who also has a crush on him, but also has a girlfriend), his parents (who have no clue about his newly-discovered sexuality, or about the growing tension between Remus and Sirius), and Regulus (who he has a secret sex deal with, and is the baby brother of his best friend - Sirius - and who James is falling for, desperately. But he cannot tell Regulus this. No. He can't tell anyone this).

Basically, Christmas is either going to be brilliant or a brutal nightmare. Personally, James hopes it's the prior.

Oh, and on top of all that, James thinks Regulus knows something. Now, he doesn't know how Regulus knows what he might know, but James does know that Regulus knows something.

On the night of the last full moon, Regulus kept trying to convince James to meet up with him, using every trick he had up his sleeve. Now, James could just be reading too much into this. Regulus might know nothing. But, he might know something.

Either way, James used the excuse, "We are not to drop our obligations for each other." (Or whatever the fuck that rule was.)

The December full moon is the night before they leave to go home, so James is hoping he can convince Regulus that he wants to go to sleep early because they'll have a long train ride ahead of them the next morning.

They're going back in less than a week, and when they are back they won't be able to secretly sneak off together without it seeming suspicious. Unless, they go for their usual walks in the woods, but it will be icy and very unlikely that they'll manage to climb any trees.

This means James will have to soak up every ounce of Regulus he can until then.

Thanks to his brilliant mind, and perhaps a little bit because of the map, James always knows where to find Regulus.

Today he's alone in one of the greenhouses, for Merlin knows what reason. There's absolutely no one around, probably because it's only nine o'clock in the morning. James wonders what he's doing up and out so early, and more specifically, why is he outside in the middle of winter?

James slides on some gloves and a scarf. He's never been too fond of wizard robes, they're too long and old-fashioned, so he asked his parents for a muggle coat last year after seeing Marlene in one. It's much warmer than a robe, plus it looks less silly.

He puts that on too, zipping it all the way up and tucking his Gryffindor-coloured scarf into it. It's got fur on the rim of the hood, which helps to keep his ears warm during the freezing months of winter.

He puts his wand in his pocket and makes his way down to the greenhouses.

Remus and Sirius are both still in their beds when James leaves. They always sleep until at least eleven on a weekend. Pete is off with Emma, he's still trying to persuade her to go out with him, but she won't seem to budge. James finds that funny - Peter deserves to hear the word 'no' at least once in his life.

He skips down the stairs of Gryffindor tower, humming a jaunty tune. The common room is empty, except for the few seventh years who are already occupying the desks with their bundles of books.

The castle is quite chilly, considering the fact there are flames held by sconces throughout most of the building. James can quite literally see his breath whenever he breathes out too deeply.

Still, he skips all the way down to the ground floor and out to the greenhouses. He almost slips on some ice, but manages to catch himself on the wall of greenhouse two - the one Regulus is in. He grimaces and opens the door, which creaks, announcing his arrival.

"Reggie?" James whispers, sticking his head through the doorway. "You there?"

"James?" Regulus answers.

Surprisingly, he shuffles out from under one of the long tables, and he is not holding a book.

"Hey, princess." James grins lovingly down at the boy crouched on the floor.

"What have I said about that nickname? Stop it," Regulus says sternly. "How do you always manage to find me?" He shakes his head in utter disbelief.

"I follow the scent of beautiful," James says wistfully.

"That was not good."

"No, it sounded good in my head." James sits next to Regulus on the ice-cold, stone floor. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Regulus-"

"Reggie. You're stuck with Reggie now," he interjects.

"Reggie," James smiles. "I can tell when you're not fine."

"No, you can't. You don't know anything about me," he pouts, not meeting James' eye.

"No? Well, you're hiding somewhere you never usually do, likely because you don't want to be found because you don't like people knowing when you're upset. You don't like being coddled. You haven't brought a book with you, which tells me you came here to think or wallow in self-pity. If I had to take a guess, I'd say it's about your parents."

Regulus' gaze snaps up suddenly, his eyes are full of something sharp.

"Don't talk about them."

"Sorry," James says politely. "I really am. I'm sorry that you can't spend Christmas with them."

"Like I care," Regulus huffs.

"That's the problem, isn't it? You don't want to care, you can't see why you should care, but you do. You care because no matter what they have ever done to you, they're your family, and you've never had Christmas without your family before. It's ok to feel that way, Reggie. You're allowed to miss them." James gives him a small smile to let him know he's being sincere.

"I don't want to," Regulus whispers. "I hate what they did. I hate- I don't even care that they hurt me or that they hate me. It's what they did to Sirius- or what they were going to do to him that makes me hate that I miss them."

"Sweetheart..." James presses his hand into the floor, wanting to give it to Regulus, but knowing that is not what Regulus wants right now.

"Don't pity me."

"I'm not pitying you. I'm not - I swear. I just don't like seeing you so miserable."

Regulus lets out a short laugh. "Miserable. Aren't I always miserable?"

"I don't think you're always miserable." As soon as James says this, Regulus looks at him again. He's searching for something in James' face, maybe the truth. But James is telling the truth. He really is. "I can tell when you're happy and when you're having a day. You're always happiest when Pandora is around, which is sweet."

"H- how? I don't understand how you know all these things. Am I that obvious?" Regulus bites down on his bottom lip, his eyebrows crease. He looks so tense. James hates it.

"I'm observant. Especially of you. You're a very curious individual."

"Oh, am I?" Regulus asks in a jokey tone.

"Yes, Reggie. You are. Lucky for you, I never do anything half way. I will crack you one day," James promises.

"What are you wearing?" He suddenly asks.

"Oh!" James exclaims, getting excited all of a sudden. "Do you like it? It's my muggle robe- or coat. Yes, that's what it's called."

"A muggle coat?" Regulus arches an eyebrow.

"Yes, what of it?" James lifts his head, pretending to be all high and mighty. "Anyway, you can't judge me based on what I wear. You're wearing my jumper."

It's true. Regulus is wearing James' jumper. Not the one James gave him as a birthday present, but the one James let him borrow almost a month ago.

Regulus' face flushes pink, he folds his arms around his torso, as if trying to hide it.

"I was cold and the other one is dirty."

"Yeah... sure," James muses, trying his best not to laugh. "Come on, we should get going. Breakfast."

He stands, holding his hands out for Regulus to take. When they're eye level, one of his hands drop, but the other still has their pinkies intertwined. James looks down, feeling a smile grow on his face.

"Thank you," Regulus whispers; he sounds ashamed.

"For what?" James gazes up at him through his glasses, finding those hypnotising eyes.

"For finding me."

James breathes out in a way that sounds like a laugh. "I'll always find you, Reggie."

For the first time in a while, the corner of Regulus' lips tip up, secretly. James reaches out to cup his face and pulls him in, kissing him sweetly.

"I don't know how you do it every time, but I- I'm glad," Regulus admits shyly.

"Come on," James grins, shaking his head in the direction of the door. "Breakfast."

Regulus nods and says, "Breakfast."

They walk silently to the Great Hall, neither of them trying to make uncomfortable conversation, satisfied with the silence. As they approach the front of the castle, they bump into Sirius and Remus, who have finally got their lazy arses up and out of bed.

"Morning, Prongs!" Sirius calls, lifting an arm into the air. Behind him, Remus waves indolently. "And... Reg? What were you two doing?"

James immediately feels guilty - he hates lying to Sirius. Especially about this.

"Ran into each other at the Quidditch pitch," Regulus shrugged, lying easily. James sent him a thankful look, to which he smiled in response.

"Oh, ok," Sirius nods, unperturbed.

Remus gives Regulus a funny look, squinting his eyes, clearly amused. James is curious, but doesn't try to figure out what it could mean right now. He has other things on his mind.

"I should probably-" Regulus points towards the Slytherin table. They are now standing in the entrance of the Great Hall. James cannot remember how they got there.

"Oh, right." James frowns, a bit disappointed. He wasn't finished enjoying his company yet, but sure... ok. "See you around."

Before his brain can catch up with his body, James reaches out and hugs Regulus. Pulling him in close to his chest, and sighing deeply.

Regulus stands limp for a second, but eventually gives in, wrapping his arms carefully around James. He loves the way Regulus hugs; so full and loving. He handles James with care, treating him delicately, like he could shatter if he squeezed too hard.

James pats him on the back, making it seem more friendly, rather that... whatever it really is. Then he pulls away, muttering a goodbye.

***

The Hogwarts Express arrives at Hogsmeade right on eleven o'clock. Sirius has been humming the same muggle Christmas song all morning, and it's finally beginning to stick into James' head. Apparently, Remus has been taken victim too; every now and then he'll hum the background music, whilst Sirius hums what would usually be the lyrics.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Black!" Remus groans as he plops himself down into the seat closest to the window. "Now, that stupid song is going to be stuck in my head all day! I hate you sometimes."

"No, you don't," Sirius jokes. When Remus doesn't respond, Sirius leans forward, face turning dead serious. "You don't... right?"

Remus roles his eyes. "Of course, I do. I hate you so much, that is why I did your transfiguration homework for you."

Sirius grins. "You love me."

"Seriously though, mate. It's stuck in my head too," James says. "How does it go then?"

"What?" Sirius asks, barely able to contain himself.

"Come on. I know you well enough by now to be certain that you want to teach us every single verse."

"Ok, yes- yes, I do want that," Sirius smiles softly.

Within minutes, their carriage is filled with Sirius singing, and James trying to sing along, to 'Oh, I wish it could be Christmas every day'.

When we're skating in the park
If the storm cloud paints it dark

Now the frosticles appear
And they've frozen up my beard
So we'll lie by the fire
Till the sleep simply melts them all away

That's when the door of the carriage opens. James turns his head to see Marlene, Mary, and Lily, each rosy-cheeked with bright smiles on their faces.

"I love this one," Mary states, before joining in herself. She sits herself next to Sirius, and together they harmonise, using their hands to emphasise their tones.

"Hello, Remus," Lily smiles at the boy in the corner who is very clearly trying to disappear into oblivion, away from these crazy carollers.

"Lily, save me." He begs, eyes wide.

She quickly makes her way over to him, sitting down. Within minutes they're talking about Arithmancy, or something else just as boring.

Marlene sits down next to Peter, and they start to trade chocolate frog cards. James looks down at the three pairs of people before him, forgetting when he became the one left out. Suddenly, he isn't really in the mood for carols. In truth, he misses Regulus. 

He slouches down next to Mary, which is a bad idea. Before they are even halfway through the journey, Mary has pretty much climbed into Sirius' lap, and is eating his face. There is literally no other way to put it - his face is being devoured.

James lurches up, no longer wanting to stay in this cramped carriage. He needs a break.

"I'm going to patrol the aisle," he says, already halfway out the door.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Lily asks, as she's also a prefect.

"Nah. You keep Moony sane for me." He grins, hoping it is convincing enough, and closes the door behind him.

He really does patrol. 

Really. 

Honestly. 

All the way to the carriage where Regulus is situated.

What a coincidence.

He isn't alone; Evan, Barty, Dorcas, Pandora, and Emma are in there with him.

James likes Regulus' friends. They're nice and unlike most of the Slytherins in their year (spare Pandora, as she is a Ravenclaw), but he has felt a bit awkward around them ever since that strange encounter outside the Great Hall.

Either way, he's James Potter. He's a Gryffindor. He is not afraid of a little social interaction. So, he opens the glass door and watches as six pairs of eyes land on him.

Shit. He's sweating.

Why is he sweating?

This has never happened before.

Is he dying?

No, he's nervous. 

He doesn't get nervous.

"Hello, everyone," he grins. Perhaps a little too cheerfully.

"Hey, James," Barty waves. He smiles and asks, "Sirius with you?"

"Nah, sorry. He's a bit- preoccupied." James glances at Regulus, who immediately understands what he means. He grimaces and James grimaces back.

"What's up?" Emma questions.

"Uhh... nothing."

"What are you doing here?" Dorcas asks, her eyes narrowing. She's probably the scariest one. 

"I- umm- I don't-" James stumbles over his words.

Seriously, what is happening to him? He must be having some sort of stroke or something.

"James?" Pandora hum softly. "Would you like to sit down?" She shuffles closer to Dorcas, leaving a space free beside Regulus.

"Yes, please."

He sits down gratefully between Pandora and Regulus.

"Sorry," he says, trying to fill the silence. "Sirius and Mary are either singing loudly or eating each other's faces. Lily and Remus are talking about homework, and Peter and Marlene are freaking out about chocolate frog cards. I had to escape."

Barty chuckles, and Dorcas visibly stiffens. James doesn't understand why, but he does get the impression that she doesn't like him.

"Great game against Ravenclaw," Evan says. "I'm sure they all cried themselves to sleep after you won with a three hundred and twenty point lead."

"Yeah," James chuckles, finally relaxing. Quidditch he can do. "Phoebe's a great seeker. Nowhere near as good as Reggie, of course, but-"

"Reggie?" Emma asks, trying to hide a very obvious smirk.

"Yes," Regulus snaps. "It's short for Regulus."

"Ok, Reggie," Emma laughs uncontrollably. "I love it."

"Don't," Regulus says in that deadly voice that James knows means you should not mess with him.

"Sorry. What was that, Reggie?" Barty asks, cupping his ear.

James turns to Regulus and mouths Sorry, but is met with Regulus rolling his eyes. 

James has messed up...

"You're up against Hufflepuff next, right?" James tries to change the subject.

"Yeah," Evan answers, leaning forward a bit. He's so much like Remus... it's scary. "I think we have a good chance. They aren't as bad as Ravenclaw, but they're also not as good as us."

"Maxwell is a good Captain and Seeker, but the rest of the team is pretty shit- yeah."

"Toby Maxwell?" Emma tunes in. "He's quite pretty."

"Eww, Em!" Dorcas scolds. "He's a Hufflepuff."

"I don't care. I'm not one for house discrimination," Emma says proudly. "Besides, he's so- tanned and blonde."

"But- Hufflepuff," Dorcas emphasises the word. "They're all so-" she shivers. "I don't like them. They're like live teddy bears." 

"Well, that's a scary thought," Pandora says. "Let's maybe end this conversation now."

"What do you mean he's so tanned and blonde?" James inquires, feeling offended. For some reason.

He is neither blonde nor tanned. 

Is that something people like? 

Is that what Regulus likes?

"Just my preferences," she shrugs. "Don't worry, Potter. You're pretty too."

James presses his palm to his heart. "Thanks, Vanity."

"His ego did not need boosting. If it inflates anymore, it'll burst," Regulus speaks finally.

"That's not true. I'm capable of... negative thoughts."

"Yes, I know that, James." Regulus sits up a little more now, no longer slouched in his seat. "I just meant... well, you can be a bit arrogant sometimes."

James stares around at them all incredulously, before folding his arms and mumbling, "You're all mean."

"We're Slytherins, sweetie." Dorcas presses her hand onto his shoulder. "It's what we do."

"I'm not a Slytherin," Pandora says.

"Maybe that's why you're my favourite," James smiles sweetly at her. She gives him a motherly look, which both comforts and scares him. Pandora seems so much older and more mature than the rest of them, yet, she's younger than James. Must be her Ravenclaw wisdom.

"I thought Reggie was your favourite," Barty cackles.

"Well," James bends his head to stare at Regulus. "He's a close second."

A blush spreads across Regulus' face, making James quite pleased with himself. He loves having an affect on Regulus, no matter what affect it might be. It's just nice to know he's at least noticed by the person he fancies.

"Same to you," Regulus grins. "Remus is my favourite."

James fake swoons, "You wound me, Baby Black."

Regulus scowls, but James doesn't stop smiling. No. Not after Regulus just grinned at him. That- now, that was an accomplishment he will never forget.

***

James did go back to his original carriage eventually. He found that he actually really liked getting to know Evan and Barty, and Dorcas and Emma, and Pandora. They were all- well, they were all very interesting.

At least, when he did finally have to leave, he got to drag Regulus with him. He used the excuse: He lives with me now.

James' parents meet them on the platform. They hug him first, then Sirius and Remus. Then, before James realises what they're doing, they pull Regulus into a hug. He hugs them back - out of respect, James thinks.

Sirius watches with wide eyes.

"He hates affection," he whispers to James and Remus.

"No, he doesn't," James replies without thinking. He tried to save himself by saying, "Look. See? He's enjoying it."

"Yeah. Maybe it was just our parents he didn't like to hug... that would make sense. They didn't like affection either."

"They have a little too much affection for each other, in some cases," James says and Sirius snorts. Then, he realises what James has said and rears back.

"You know?" He asks, horrified.

"Yep. Don't worry, I still love you, even if your brother and your parents are your cousins."

"Don't say it out loud," Sirius whines. He pretends to sob onto Remus' shoulder. "Moony. Why did my parents have to be into kinky, weird incest shit?"

"I honestly couldn't tell you, Sirius," Remus answers. He looks down at Sirius with such heavy softness in his big, brown eyes.

They leave the station and start making their way to Effie and Monty's friends house - Mr Goulage. He owns an estate down the road from the station; it has a fireplace with a connected floo network in, so they usually get home that way. It's both the safest and the easiest option.

Eventually, they do make it back home safely. 

James... doesn't really know how to act now. He wants to sneak off with Regulus and kiss him and apologise for embarrassing him on the train, and kiss him some more. But he also knows Sirius will be in his hair, and Remus will be suffering silently in his room (trying to avoid Sirius at any cost).

He also missed his parents and wants to see them.

First, he takes his luggage up to his room. When he leaves it and goes downstairs, no one is to be found. So, instead of having to deal with humans and human problems right now, he decides to go to the laundry room. Mellie - his family house-elf - should be down there, and he likes talking to her. She's a good listener.

Mellie is exactly where James thinks she is. She immediately greets him by wrapping her skinny little arms around his knees and squeaking, "Master Jamie! Home at last. Mellie has missed you, sir. Mellie has cleaned your room every week. Mellie is being told not to bother by Ma'am Effie, but Mellie does not want Master Jamie to come home to a messy room. Even though the naughty boy does mess it up when he gets home anyway." She chuckles, covering her mouth with her tiny hand.

"I missed you, Mellie."

"Oh!" She squeals, great blue eyes filling with tears. "Does Master Jamie need anything? A refreshment? Snack? Clean pants?"

"Clean pants?" James asks, blushing. "I- no, thank you, Mellie. I have... I have those." 

"Ok, Master Jamie."

"If you wouldn't mind- if it won't distract you, I mean- could we maybe talk for a little while?" James scratches the back of his head. He knows Mellie will agree anyway, but he likes giving her the choice. He likes treating her more humanely.

"Of course, Master Jamie. Mellie firstly must finish hanging the wet washing out to dry, then she will be right with you, sir."

"Thanks, Mellie," James grins down at the literal embodiment of a pure soul. "Just call me Jamie."

"You knows I can't do that, sir," she squeaks.

"Oh, go on. Just once," James smirks mischievously.

"Mellie cannot in good nature... Jamie." As soon as she has 'rebelled', she bursts into a fit of hysterical giggles. "Now lets me get backs to work, Jamie. I will be right with you."

"Alright, Mells."

Mellie beams up at him. She loves that nickname and he knows it.

She finishes up quickly and they head for the kitchen. She attempts to pull out a chair for him, but James puts his hand up and says, "Please, I insist." He pulls a chair out for her, allowing her to hop onto it. 

"You are very generous, Ma- Jamie."

"Thank you, but I think if we live in a world where holding out a chair for someone is counted as being generous, then something is very wrong. I wasn't doing it to get a compliment, I did it because it's basic virtue, because I respect you."

Mellie's eyes fill with tears again, this time one falls and slides down her pink cheek. She swipes it away, lips curled up, as she croaks, "Oh, such a sweet boy. You've always been such a sweet boy, Jamie."

"You've always been lovely, Mells." This causes her to hiccup again. He loves making her happy, but he hates how happy she gets over things as paltry as a compliment. It just goes to show how awfully house-elves are treated. She shouldn't be crying over a compliment, she should be crying over... oh, James doesn't know- over getting engaged or having a child. Something like that. It breaks his heart that a compliment from him is the best thing to happen to her.

"What is it that young Master Jamie would like to speaks to Mellie about?" She sniffles, wiping the tip of her sharp nose.

"How have you been?" He asks.

"Fantastic. Mellie is a very lucky house-elf. Very lucky indeed. She gets to serve the Potters."

"So, you've had a nice couple of months then?" James continues, and that's how they carry on for an hour or so. At least until the sun begins to sink into the sky, turning it ivory.

James is reminded of another memory as the moon rises. Another memory he had forgotten about, buried away somewhere secret.

"Sirius!" Regulus Black's voice echoed through the common room. "Sirius, I'm trying to talk to you!"

James glanced over at where Sirius is frantically packing all of Moony's things into a bag, ready to take it to the hospital wing. It's a full moon, and they both know how Remus (weirdly) likes to study as soon as he wakes up the next morning in the infirmary. He's- well, he's Moony.

"Sirius!" The childish voice of Regulus calls once again.

"Tell him to piss off, will you?" Sirius asked James, pointing towards the open portrait hole. "I have to get this to Moony before Pomfrey closes the ward."

James stares out at the desperate little boy, calling for his brother. He could so easily walk through the portrait hole and wave his hand in Sirius' face until he answers him, but he doesn't. James respects that. There's something almost polite about it, like he understands boundaries. Which is surprising, considering Regulus is only twelve.

"Where the fuck are his quills?" Sirius yells, frustrated. He runs up to their dormitory, making Regulus silence.

James walks over to the portrait hole. Regulus stares at him - up and down, his face twisted stubbornly.

"What's wrong, Reggie?" 

"I just need to talk to Sirius," the younger boy argues. "He won't talk to me. I need to- Where is he?"

"Gone," James lies. "Sorry, he said- He can't talk right now. It's best you just leave him be for a couple of days."

"Fuck you, Potter!" Regulus chides.

That was the first time Regulus had ever had that look in his eyes. The one that told James I hate you. It grew worse over the years, but this was the moment James knew Sirius had messed up. This was when he regretted every time he allowed Sirius to ignore Regulus in the corridor.

Now, he realises something he never had before. Yes, he hadn't made much of an effort before to help Regulus. He hadn't so much as gave him a second thought. But whilst Sirius was suffering, coming to school with slashes in his legs and bruises violating his body. Whilst Sirius was having nightmares of his own mother, Regulus probably was too. 

He was just a child. A little boy. Eleven when Sirius stopped talking to him.

Sirius was Regulus' everything. He was the only other person who would ever and could ever understand what they both went through.

Whilst James was protecting his best friend from his pain... his fear, he was deaf to the little boy screaming for help right in front of him. 

What makes him feel worse is the fact that he never actually saved that little boy. Regulus saved himself.