Morning Star

"What did you do?" James questions as Sirius falls face forward onto his bed. 

He's just finished getting ready for the day, not that they have anything planned. So far each day has consisted of Sirius and James inventing surf-sledging in the garden. Basically, instead of sitting on the sledge, they stand, and go down a massive hill. The first to fall off loses.

Sometimes, Remus will come outside with them, but he'll keep his distance, either watching them play quidditch in the snow, or reading a book.

Regulus- he's a whole other story.

James can tell how sad he is, even if he does hide it well. Some days he'll be fine, he might even come outside and sit with Remus. But on the bad days, he won't even come out of his room. Those are the days James wants to be near him most. The days when being in close proximity to him without being able to touch is the hardest. 

They made a deal - yes, another one - promising they would press pause on their original deal during Christmas. James tried to respect it, he really did. But then, well... Regulus came to him one night, looking so small and helpless, and he just couldn't help himself.

James had pulled the cover back, patting the empty side of his bed. Regulus quickly padded over, climbing in and allowing James to lay the cover back over him.

They didn't speak. James knew Regulus wasn't in the mood for it. He's getting better at that- noticing what mood Regulus is in, and when it is or isn't ok to touch him or push his boundaries.

James held him for hours, eventually falling asleep. The smell of lemongrass in Regulus' hair being the last thing he remembers.

That was a couple of nights ago, and Regulus hasn't come back since. James had woken alone the next morning, only crumpled sheets proving that Regulus had been there at all.

James usually spends his mornings talking to Mellie, as she prepares breakfast. The small elf notifies him that Regulus has come to talk to her a few times too. Only on occasion. Usually when the other boys are out in the village.

However, this morning, Sirius has decided to dramatically burst into James' room and faceplant into his bed.

"That's the problem," comes Sirius' muffled voice. He turns his head so James can see him. "I don't know."

James sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Walk me through it."

"Right," Sirius sits up, posture perfect. He holds his hands in his lap, nervously fiddling with them. "All I did was ask him if he was interested in Lily."

"Pads..." James groans. Sirius has been obsessing over finding someone for Remus recently. Which is a complete change to his younger self, the boy who wouldn't allow anyone to have Remus. "You need to stop with that. You know how he feels about all that lovey-dovey crap."

"Like you can talk," Sirius grumbles, his expression changing to a nasty one.

"What's that supposed to mean?" James counters. Panic strikes up his spine like a cold blade.

"Don't act all innocent James," the other boy makes stern eye contact with him, frighteningly resembling Regulus. "You sneak off all the time, most mornings. Where do you go? It's a girl, isn't it?"

"What? No-" James explains, trying not to act too frantic. "There is no girl. I swear."

"Then where do you go?" Sirius says each word separately.

"I go for walks around the grounds, sometimes I go to the Quidditch pitch and run."

"It's not just that, James. You've been, I don't know- different lately. Happier. Not that I'm saying that's a bad thing," Sirius adds. "It's just- I don't want you to keep anything from me. We're James and Sirius. Padfoot and Prongs. The two Casanovas of Gryffindor tower. We are one."

James snorts. "I'm not hiding anything from you. I swear- there's no girl. Can't I just be happy on my own?"

"Not likely." Sirius runs a hand down his face. "Look, I understand that keeping things from people can be easier sometimes. Believe me- I know. But I'm not just people, James. It's me."

There's something in Sirius' eyes, something... He's struggling, but with what? James has no clue.

"I know. If I had a secret I- I would tell you, but I don't. Honest."

He hates lying to Sirius. He hates it so much. It feels like the worst betrayal in the world - it is. The only thing stronger than his hate for lying to Sirius, is his adoration of Regulus.

Why are the Black brothers so invigorating? So inexorable? So bloody lovely?

"Ok," Sirius answers. His eyes go blank, he's putting up those walls. James can tell he doesn't believe him, but he also doesn't question him any further.

"Ok. Now, go apologise to Moony, yeah?" James turns back to his mirror, messing up his hair further. "Maybe try to talk to him properly today. You know? About normal things, not girl things."

"Ugh, fine." Sirius rolls off James' bed and makes a bee-line for the door. "Hey, Prongs?"

"Yeah?" James asks, not looking away from the mirror.

"Regulus told me to tell you if you need him for anything, he's in the gardens."

James smiles to himself, listening as his bedroom door slams shut.

***

James has been meaning to speak with Regulus. He wants to apologise for, well, everything. For leaving him alone in that house. For not thinking of him as being a victim. For only ever thinking about Sirius. For all those years he allowed Sirius to ignore his little brother.

Sometimes, he feels like it's his fault that the two brothers drifted apart. After all, he was the only thing standing between them. He knows it's not like that anymore, that they're now all sort of... standing next to each other, but it doesn't mean he's just going to forgive himself for it. Regulus shouldn't forgive him for it either.

He finds Regulus standing next to the bench - that bench, he's found him there before. The first day they went climbing.

His back is straight, arms held behind his back, blank faced. He looks like a statue - a very pretty statue. He's wearing black dress trousers, which James finds unnecessary, until he realises this is probably how they dress in the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.

The whole fancy-pants "I'm a lord" look is counteracted by the woolly jumper he's also wearing. This time, it's the one James gave him for his birthday. He still hasn't had his other back though. 

The white collar of a button-up shirt folds over the rim of the jumper, giving him a cute preppy look. His sleeves are rolled up to just under his elbows.

His hair is so tantalisingly dark next to his pale skin.

Oh. James thinks, he must have dropped straight from heaven. 

Regulus turns his head, acknowledging James for the first time since he's arrived. He eyes him, taking in his appearance. James is doing the same.

You're so lovely.

So lovely.

So lovely.

"Fancy seeing you here," James manages to say without sounding too breathless.

Regulus rolls his eyes, but there's a hint of humour in them that tells James he isn't really annoyed. "Are we doing this again, Potter?"

"Potter?" James holds his hand up to his heart. "How could you?"

"I thought that was your name."

"Oh, well in that case, come on Regulus." James twists, walking the other way. "Let's go for a walk."

"James-" There's an urgency in his voice. "Don't."

"I thought that was your name." James just smiles back at him. "You didn't like the other one on the train."

Regulus catches up, fixing him with a cold stare. "That's not fair, my friends were being arseholes about it."

"I know," James nods sincerely. "I'm sorry about that- didn't mean to embarrass you."

"That's ok," Regulus says softly. "But if Emma starts calling me Reggie because of you, I will curse off your bollocks."

"You wouldn't. You'd miss them too much-" James stops, remembering this is not the playful Sirius Black who he is talking to. No. This is Regulus. And now James' cheeks are burning. He's sweating. Oh, Merlin - he is dying. Why would he-

"Yeah, that's true," Regulus chuckles, taking James - and apparently himself, seeing as his cheeks are now burning red - completely by surprise. 

He stares at James with wide, fearful eyes, unable to speak. James stares back before bending over, hands on his knees, and laughing.

"I didn't mean to say that," he manages to say, still clutching at his knees. "But that- was hilarious!"

"You're so mature," Regulus shakes his head, sarcasm lacing his tone. Then, seemingly finding some confidence, he adds, "That's what turns me on about you." Which only makes James laugh louder, this time even snorting like a pig.

Once James has recovered, he straightens up and naturally loops his arm around Regulus'. When Regulus makes signs to pull away, James trails his fingers slowly down the raven-haired boy's forearm. He watches as goose bumps appear as if from nowhere. 

If he's being generous, he'd say Regulus shudders.

He traces his skin, the skin that so perfectly resembles porcelain. The skin that's so pale, it's almost translucent; like water - James can almost see the blood coursing through his body (faster than usual). He scours him as if he's a rare piece of art. Delicate. Fragile. 

His fingers move down, over Regulus' bony wrist - his pulse vibrates - before he steadily entangles their fingers.

Regulus folds his fingers into him, just allowing it to happen. Eventually, he begins to move his thumb up and down over James' index finger, soothingly. It's almost ticklish, but not in a way that makes him want to laugh. It jolts his breathing, causing it to get stuck in his chest. The hairs on his arms rise, and not because of the snow.

Breathe. 

Breathe, dammit, or you'll die.

He turns to see Regulus watching him, wide frightful eyes. Those eyes. So deep and black-

"Reggie... you alright?"

Regulus raises his eyebrows, as if it's obvious. James searches his mind. What were they talking about last?

Oh, yeah-

"Right. Uh- you turn me on too," he says smugly.

Regulus' face scrunches up into a grimace. "No, you cretin. Hands." He waves their conjoined hands into the air, and James suddenly understands.

"Oh! Oh." He feels his face redden. "No one will find us. Remus and Sirius are hopefully spending the whole day together, and my parents are out."

"Ok." Regulus says this begrudgingly, but doesn't let go. 

"So, about the whole we turn each other on thing-"

"James, don't." Regulus groans, lifting his free hand up to cover his face.

"Hey, I'm not teasing you. I just think it's something we should talk about." He waits for Regulus to lower his hand before continuing. "We've had our deal going for a couple months now, don't you think we should... take it to the next level." He whispers the last two words, as if that will change their meaning.

"The next level," Regulus repeats, only slightly louder than James. Enough for it not to be considered whispering.

"Yeah, you know...sexual things-"

"Ok, ok. I get it, James. Just please, for the love of Merlin, do not under any circumstances call it your 'special time'."

They continue through the snow, down to the very edge of the gardens. James pushes open the little rusted gate in the hedge, and they make their way to the familiar woods.

"Ok, I won't." James promises with a smile. "I just- I think I'm ready... for more."

His heart pounds in his chest, anticipation growing.

This was stupid.

So stupid.

Regulus probably isn't ready yet. It's only been two months. James is moving way too fast. Way-

"Yeah, I think maybe, I am too."

James waits for Regulus to take it back, to say he's just joking, or only saying it because James is, but he doesn't.

"Yeah?" James asks.

"Yes. Not everything, not yet. Although, I have to admit, that has been on my mind for quite some time."

I love you.

James almost says it out loud, only just managing to stop himself.

Buggering fuck.

I love you, he thinks again when he takes in the boy standing before him. The boy whose thumb still strokes his own. The boy with the deepest eyes. So deep, that James fears he'll never truly know everything that hides beneath them.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

They say the two most important days in your life are the day you were born, and the day you find out why.

James was not born today.

He does not believe he was born for Regulus.

But this feels like it was always supposed to happen. He was always supposed to be here. To find this prodigious feeling that has existed at this point in time. That he has been lucky enough to experience for himself. This is not something found just anywhere, no. This is rare. This is magic. It's stardust. It's fucking Regulus Black.

James believes - knows - there is nothing else in the universe that will ever even compare to Regulus Black.

Regulus makes him feel infinite.

"James?"

"Sorry- spaced out. I've been thinking about it for a while too."

"Ok," Regulus nods. "So, if it casually happens, we'll... let it?"

"Yeah, ok."

James smiles, looking down at Regulus through his glasses.

I love you, he thinks once more.

***

"They're fighting again." Regulus doesn't exactly say this as a question, but as more of a statement, which James supposes it is by now.

"Yep. I told him to go and talk to Remus, and I think that's what they're doing today. I hope that's what they're doing. I don't think I can handle Sirius moping about any longer. It's been... years," James groans.

"Poor, Jamie," Regulus says in a mock baby voice. James' head shoots into his direction.

"Where did you hear that nickname?"

"Mellie," he shrugs. "She's quite fond of you."

"I know. She's part of the family."

"She reminds me of Kreacher."

"Kreacher?" James asks.

"Black family house-elf. He was... well, he was my Mellie."

James feels his heart throb in his chest. He can't even imagine coming home and finding that Mellie is gone. With Regulus, it's worse. His Mellie - Kreacher - is still there, will always be there, but Regulus won't be.

"I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," Regulus replies coldly. "Sorry. I just- he was the one who helped me escape."

"Reggie, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I left you in that fucking house. That I forgot about you. I'm sorry I didn't think about you too- I-" James stops, tripping over his words.

"It's ok, James. You were never supposed to save me."

And those words... they cut deep. James doesn't know whether Regulus meant for them to hurt or not, but they do. 

You were never supposed to save me.

What does that even mean?

"Can we talk about something else?"

James turns to see a very nervous looking Regulus, and immediately turns on protective mode.

"Yeah. I think we should do something about Sirius and Remus."

"You mean bang their heads together until they get the hint?" Regulus smirks.

"Loving the energy... but no." James pulls their hands apart and steps in front of Regulus, meaning he is walking backwards. "Maybe something a teensy bit more subtle."

"How about we hold up a sign. Nope. Not clear enough. James, you do know these two are idiots, right?"

"Hey!" James scolds, crossing his arms. "They are my idiots."

Regulus rolls his eyes.

"Ok, fine. Any ideas?"

"Actually, yes." James smirks, his eyes twinkling in Regulus' direction.

Yes, he has a plan. A bloody brilliant one.

"Oh, no."

"Oh, yes."

"Go on then, lay it out for me." They stop walking, and Regulus waits, expectantly, for James to explain.

"Right, you might hate it-"

Regulus groans.

"Just shut up and listen." Regulus does, so James takes his chance. "What is one of Sirius' worst faults?"

"He's loud, clingy, annoying, dramatic, smiles too much, his hair is too long," Regulus lists out on his fingers. "Should I keep going?"

"That won't be necessary." James grins and says, "He can get very jealous."

"So, what? Remus needs to make him jealous? How?"

"That is where you come into it." James beams wickedly at him. "They don't know about us, but they do know you're gay. So, if you could pretend you're interested in Remus-"

"No, no, NO." 

"Why not?" James pouts. "It's the best plan. We won't be outright outing them to each other, but we'll help them both realise what they want. Then it's up to them whether they act on it or not."

"James!" Regulus yells over him. "I do not want to hit on Remus. That would be so-" He shudders, clearly unable to finish that sentence.

"Please, Reggie." James begs, holding his hands in front of him like he's praying. "For me."

Regulus shifts his gaze between James' eyes. He lets out a deep sigh, sending a look of loathing James' way. "Fine."

"Fine? You'll do it?"

"Would you like me to change my mind?"

"No!" James shouts. He starts walking backwards again, suddenly feeling the need to move. "This is going to be great. They're going to realise they're in love and they're going to get married and have loads of babies-"

"James. What is wrong with you?" Regulus grimaces at him.

"You don't want to get married, Reggie?" James questions.

"Maybe. One day. But I'm only sixteen, so right now all those things seem so futile." He shrugs.

"Futile now, maybe. But I am sure that one day, you will make some man very happy."

Please, God, let it be me.

Please.

James begins to imagine it;

Their cake, with two little grooms on top, instead of the traditional bride and groom. The tailored robes, the flowers, the music, Regulus-

Regulus walking down the aisle to him-

James' thoughts get cut short when he suddenly slips and falls backwards. Out of instinct, he grabs the closest thing to him to try and steady himself. That thing just so happens to be Regulus.

They both go down with a loud crash. James landing on a thorn bush, whilst Reggie falls safely on top of him.

"Well, this is convenient," James jokes, winking at Regulus.

"Fuck," he grumbles. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, it was just a bit of ice."

Regulus carefully pulls himself up, wiping off his jumper with his palms. James lies there, feeling a thousand sharp pains in his back. He winces, and Regulus notices.

"Come here." He holds out both his hands for James to grab onto. "There we go."

"Oh, shit- my back."

"Want me to take a look at it?" Regulus asks, concern evident on his face. "You landed on a whole bush."

"Yeah, fucking prickly one at that," James groans. "Let's go back. It's too cold for you to look at it out here."

"Ok, yeah." Regulus nods, still clutching both of James' hands. "You alright to move, or do you need help with that too?"

"I'm fine." James steps forward, feeling like a thousand tiny needles are pricking into his back. Every time he moves, they twist in further. Deep and thick.

He hisses under his breath.

"Come here," Regulus says again. He wraps James' arm over his shoulder and loops his own around the taller boys' torso. "Just try not to move your back too much."

"Gee, thanks. I'll try not to walk."

"You're mean when you're hurt," Regulus smirks.

"Sorry," James says through his teeth. "I don't mean to be."

"It's fine," he shrugs.

They make it back to the house, it takes them almost an hour.

Regulus calls for Sirius, but no one answers.

"Guess they went out," James says, his voice a little strained from the pain. "That's a good thing - means they're making up."

"Or making out," Regulus adds.

James laughs, shuffling further into the living room, wincing every time he moves.

"Stop. Come here, stupid." Regulus pulls him back. "Come on, let's go upstairs."

James internally cries. The stairs are going to be painful.

"I wish we could use magic, I'd have fixed you by now." Regulus stares anxiously at James, who is now attempting to climb the stairs.

"I'm fine, Reggie."

"Shut up."

They both stumble up the stairs, taking longer than necessary. James hobbles to his room, with the help of Regulus.

"Right, the easiest way to do this-" Regulus' eyes scan the room, as if trying to figure out where best to place James. Then his eyes soften and he starts to focus on things. He takes in his surroundings; he's never been in James' room before, not unless you count that night where he snuck in and slept with James. But it had been dark then, and he wouldn't have been able to see.

"Get on the bed."

"Take me out to dinner first," James smiles.

Regulus rolls his eyes. "Seriously, lay on your stomach."

James does as he's told, chucking himself (not gently) on his bed. Which is a mistake. Huge mistake. He groans again, feeling like his back is on fire.

"Let me have a look. Take that ridiculous coat off," Regulus complains.

"You like my ridiculous coat," James says into his pillow. "Strip tease!" He tries to remove his coat, only hurting himself in the process.

"Need some help?" He can hear Regulus supressing a laugh.

"Please," James begs. Regulus tries his best not to hurt him, he can tell by the way he slowly pulls James' arms out one by one. "This is so undignifying."

"Well, I'm sorry to damage your pride."

"It's fine. Could do with some damage anyway. There's a first thing for everything, right?" James says, moving his head to the side so that Regulus can hear him better.

Regulus doesn't respond. James feels as Reggie's thin fingers pull up his jumper first, followed by his top. It's only now that James realises Regulus is straddling him.

Oh.

That's- oh.

He feels the fabric of his shirt drag up his back.

"Lift up your arms," Regulus demands, so James does. Both layers of clothing come swiftly off.

He hears a silent gasp from behind. Oh, no. His back is probably really bad.

"Everything ok back there?"

"Fine," Regulus squeaks. He clears his throat. "You have about three dozen thorns in your back, and a few deep scratches from some branches, but other than that- fine."

"That... doesn't sound fine." He sounds unsure. He is. His mum could fix him, but she won't be back for a couple of hours. He can handle the pain until then. Totally. Definitely. Maybe.

"I wish we could use magic- fuck," Regulus whispers. "It's... ok, James. It's pretty bad."

"Brilliant," James moans. "Can you try and get some of the thorns out... please?"

"You really want me to? It'll probably hurt. They're really big."

"Not helping, Reg." James folds his arms and rest his chin on them. "I trust you. Don't hurt me too much, ok?"

"No promises," Regulus replies.

James feels as Regulus tries this the muggle way. He squeezes the skin around where a thorn has gone in and guides it out. He has to do it one at a time, and there are many. 

It hurts.

A lot.

He inhales sharply, digging his nails into the mattress, and waits...

Regulus stops. He doesn't continue, not yet. Instead, James feels a small pressure, soft and gentle, press down to the place Regulus had just been pressing. James soon realises Regulus is kissing it.

Thank you, he thinks.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It makes it worth the pain- almost. 

"You don't have to," James says, grunting at the pain. "If you don't want to, I mean. My mum's a healer, she'll know what to do."

"Yes, but when will she be back?"

"An hour... or two." He listens to Regulus' snort of disbelief. 

"I'm not going to leave you to suffer for hours, James. I don't think your heart could take it," he says, cockily.

"What would you know of my heart?" James questions, smiling like a dopey fucking idiot. He may be in quite a lot of pain right now, but when Regulus is this close to him- he can barely feel it.

Regulus doesn't answer again, leaving the room silent, James filling it every now and then with a sharp inhale.

"Mellie could help," James suggests. He doesn't understand why he keeps speaking, why he can't just allow Regulus to carry on, because- oh, does he want him to. He loves feeling the softness of Regulus' finger tips, the small pecks he leaves on the sore bits. 

Another part of him needs space. He needs Reggie to be as far away as possible. If not, he's afraid he might not be able to let him go.

James never has been good at being on the edge of something, he either has to have it one way or the other. Not in the middle. Not a maybe. He likes certainty.

So, he either needs Regulus to leave his room, or he fears he'll not let him go. Which wouldn't be convenient, considering the fact they will not be alone in this house forever.

"Oh, ok." Regulus climbs off him suddenly, withdrawing his hands. James looks up at him, noticing the way his cheeks blush. "I'll- er- go get her."

Regulus doesn't look him in the eyes, quickly getting up off James' bed, and leaving the room.

"Fuck," James says into his pillow once he is sure Regulus can't hear him.

Sometimes he wishes his emotions aren't as strong as they are- wishes he could be subtle about them. But that's not who he is. James is a lot of things, subtle has never been one of them.

So, whenever he gets too passionate about something, he'll go all out, make sure everyone knows. Without shame of it. But with Regulus... no one can know. Not even Regulus himself.

Sometimes James wishes he could take back the deal, tell Regulus to forget about it. To just get on with his life. Away from James.

It was such a stupid idea. Such a James Potter idea.

Ah, yes. You have a crush on someone? How about you have a secret sex deal with them? Sounds like a brilliant plan. Top notch. No feelings, just physical.

Just physical.

He fucking hates those words.

Nothing with him is ever just physical. He has so many emotions, so colourful and vibrant. So hard to hide, so he's never tried to. Never had to. Which is why this deal was a stupid idea, because he has never felt so passionate about anything as much as he does about Regulus. So, how is he supposed to hide that?

I love him, he thinks.

I love him.

Teenage love is so stupid. It almost never lasts. Only ever ending in heart break. Something so superficial, so obviously dumb, but so so addictive.

James is beginning to think you cannot have one without the other - teenagers and love. With all those hormones and emotional maturing going on, it's bound to happen. Unavoidable.

He could so easily take the deal back, they never promised to keep this going on forever anyway, but he doesn't want to stop. He can't.

It's only been a couple of months - that's not enough Regulus for him. Not yet. No. He needs more time.

More time. 

The door opens, Mellie comes in first, followed by Regulus, who is holding a tray with a couple of slices of cake and mugs on.

"Master Regulus has tolds Mellie Master Jamie is hurt. Is you ok?"

James, who is still lying on his stomach, shirtless, turns his head to face Mellie. She's only a little taller than the bed, meaning he is eye to eye with her.

"M'fine," he answers. Regulus scoffs, placing the tray down on the bedside table.

"He's not."

"I am. Just fell over a little bit."

"A little?" Regulus says indignantly, rolling his eyes. He has his arms crossed over the front of his body, his usual perfect posture faded a bit. James doesn't know whether he misses it or not. 

"Let me takes a look." Mellie climbs up onto the bed, examining James' back, a bony finger on her chin. "Hmm... Mellie can heals you all up, Jamie. These bigger ones might scar." Her voice fills with worry, as she trembles beside him. "Sorry, Jamie."

"It's ok, Mellie. Love a good scar, me." James grins at the elf, knowing she will do her absolute best to do this as efficiently and pain-free as she can. "Hopefully it looks bloody wicked."

Regulus rolls his eyes, making James' smile grow wider.

"Alright. Stays still, Jamie."

James does, listening to every instruction she gives him, knowing it's the closest she gets to freedom of speech.

"Mellie thinks it looks like someone tried to helps already." She glances quickly at Regulus, who shifts uncomfortably on his feet.

When she looks back at James, he stares at her innocently, in the same way he does whenever he and Sirius are up to some mischief. Mellie's eyes shift between James' mock innocent smile and Regulus' (now furiously red) face. Her eyes widen the tiniest fraction, but she doesn't acknowledge whatever realisation she's just had, instead turning back to James and working on his back again.

House-elf magic is much stronger than wizard's magic, meaning it only takes ten minutes - if that - for James to be as good as new. Well, accept for one large scratch mark that branches down his back, reminding him a bit of Moony. He smiles at it in the mirror.

"Wicked," he whispers.

"I is made you some tea and cakes," Mellie smiles up at him. 

"Thanks, Mells." James turns to face her, dropping down on one of his knees. He kisses the top of her head, near one of her ears, and watches her face turn pink.

"Yes, Jamie. Master Regulus," she nods to both boys, still flustered and clumsily walking backwards to the door. "I is needing to be getting backs to the kitchen now."

"Thank you, Mellie," Regulus smiles down at her. A real smile, not just one he gives to teachers in the corridors at school, but one full of care. It makes James feel something fuzzy in the pit of his stomach.

Mellie makes it out of the room, still ruffled at all the attention.

"Sweet," Regulus mumbles.

"Yeah," James agrees. He turns to face the other boy, finding that Regulus is already watching him. "Does the scar look as cool in real life as it does in the mirror?"

"You know the mirror is real life, right?"

"You know what I mean," James says with a wave of his hand. "You didn't answer the question."

Regulus steps forward cautiously, as if deciding whether or not to keep going. He's still standing on the other side of the room. After a minute, he steps closer again. 

James watches him in the mirror.

Watches as he stops right behind James, staring at the scar on his back. He feels as one of Regulus' fingers, colder than the rest of the room, finds it's way to his back. Tracing the scar.

James almost shivers.

Regulus' jaw tenses, muscles contracting under his skin. He gets to the end of the scar before he looks up and meets James' gaze in the reflection of the mirror. "Yeah," he almost whispers. "It looks cool."

He can't take it anymore. Close or far. No in between.

Close it is, his mind says. 

James turns, while simultaneously cupping Regulus' face in both hands and drawing him closer. Their lips meet in the middle, soft but full of heat at the same time. Their noses brushing, as Regulus walks backwards until the back of his knees hit the bed. James lightly pushes him down, so that they both tumble onto the mattress.

He doesn't even realise where Regulus' hands are until he hears the unmistakable sound of his belt buckle being undone.

"Oh, we're doing this now," James says in between planting long-lingering kisses on Regulus' neck. 

"We don't have to." He can tell how hard it is for Regulus to have responded, based on how long it takes him just to get those four words out.

"We are," he responds. "Oh, we so are."

Regulus goes to laugh, but it turns into a whimper halfway out his throat.

James feels Regulus pull off his belt and chuck it away, before his hands go back to James' trousers and start working the buttons.

James, who has now thoroughly made out with his neck, pulls away slightly. He swallows, allowing himself to catch his breath. His hands find the hem of Regulus' jumper, so he pulls it up. Regulus puts his arms up, making it easier for the material to be slid off. Then he starts working on the buttons of Regulus' white shirt. 

He's straddling him now. Regulus has his hands on James' hips, having already undone his trousers. He watches as James unbuttons his shirt carefully, wanting to savour each moment of it. He knows it's silly, but this means a lot to him.

Once he's done, he pulls it off and chucks it in the same direction as his belt and Regulus' jumper. He smiles down at the bare pale skin before him. Before he can stop it, "Lovely." He breathes it, rather than says it. Allowing it to sound as vulnerable as it feels.

The sound of a second belt buckle wakes him up from his rumination. Regulus has clearly given up on waiting, and is literally taking it into his own hands to undo his own belt - pulling it through the belt loops and throwing it away.

It all happens so quickly after that. A mixture of clothes being shed, hands searching, lips finding.

James doesn't know what to do exactly, having no experience other than- well, himself. He doesn't let this stop him.

"You ok?" He asks. "Are you sure this is ok?"

"Yes, definitely," Regulus says quickly. His face flushes again, but James just smiles fondly at him.

"Ok, I should warn you- I've never- so this might not be- I'm sorry if it's-"

"James," Regulus groans. "Shut up and hurry the fuck up."

He almost laughs, but stops himself.

Right... so.

He leans down and start kissing Regulus, whilst carefully wrapping a hand around him. Regulus gasps into his mouth, eyelids fluttering as James moves his hand up and down.

"Is that-" James starts, trying not to hurt him.

"Yeah, it's- fuck-" Regulus says, sounding breathless. "You can- be a little tougher, if you want."

"Ok," James whispers. He does as Regulus says, immediately seeing how it makes a difference. He notices that Regulus is not the type of person to handle this with his mouth open, making noises for the whole world to hear. No - he bites down on his bottom lip, hiding the way whimpers crack in his throat.

"Do... you... want-" Regulus stares up at James through his eyelashes, making him feel something tighten below. 

"Yeah, ok."

Regulus lowers one of his hands, finding James, and copying his movements. As soon as he touches him, James feels a fire start in his body, slowly... seductively creeping it's way through every inch of his skin.

"Ah. Fuck," James moans.

"Is it alright? Am I hurting you?"

"No," James manages to say, though he's not sure he could say much else at the moment. "You?"

"Faster," Regulus mutters in his ear. His breath is warm, unlike the rest of him. Regulus has always reminded James of the winter, the way he's always so cold, as pale as snow. It's not uncomfortable, it's refreshing. Like mint.

"What?" James asks.

"Fas-ter," Regulus repeats.

It takes him a moment to understand; "Oh."

He listens and moves his hand faster, also swirling it around a bit, like he's mixing something in a bowl the muggle way.

It makes a godly noise escape Regulus' mouth, and James feels himself tighten even more. That noise giving him more of a reaction than anything else.

"Do it again," he says.

"Do... what?"

"That noise."

Regulus stares up at him again, searching James' eyes. James swirls his hand round again, making it hard for Regulus to control himself. Making the noise again.

"Fuck-" James pants. "That... that."

"Oh" is all Regulus says.

James tangles his other hand into Regulus' curls, lightly pulling at the roots. He leans down and starts sucking on his throat, causing Regulus to make those noises over and over again.

"James- I'm-" 

"I know. Together," he groans.

Regulus nods.

James brings their mouths together, as they both unwind beneath the others' fingers. Regulus tries his best to be quiet, but doesn't quite manage it, letting James eat up all the noises that come out of his mouth. Not that James is being any quieter.

Regulus twitches and then goes still, gulping.

James tries to catch his breath, rolling off Regulus and next to him on the bed.

They lay there side by side, silent for what feels like hours, maybe even days. James turns onto his side once his breathing has resumed to normal, facing Regulus. The other boy turns, but only his head, to look at James.

"Alright?" He asks first, taking James a bit by surprise.

"Yeah. Great- I mean... Was that good for you too? Because that was..." He doesn't finish the sentence, certain that Regulus understands what he means anyway.

"It was- yes, I liked it." He stutters, looked very embarrassed for admitting it. "I'm- uh- glad you liked it." Regulus shyly glances at James, looking so innocent right now.

"I'm glad you liked it too," James whispers, closing his eyes.

"James?"

"Mmm."

James holds out his arm, reaching for Regulus, waiting for him to either leave or fold into him. Thankfully, after a few seconds, James feels him roll into his arms. James puts his head on top of Regulus' hair - some of it tickling his nose - and wraps an arm around his waist.

"Nothing, it doesn't matter," he hears Regulus say.

He's sleepy now, the world around him becoming disorientated. He doesn't know whether or not Regulus has just said anything, or if he's imagined it, so he just kisses the top of his head, and says, "You're lovely." Dozing off, with his legs tangled between two others, and Regulus in his arms.

***

The next morning, James wakes up alone again. Someone's tucked him under the covers, probably Regulus, which is a good thing because he accidentally fell asleep before dinner. Before anyone even got back, meaning his mum (and probably Sirius too) might have come up and checked on him. 

Now he's sitting at the breakfast table, next to Regulus, with Sirius and Remus opposite him. They both seem to be in a happier mood today than yesterday, which is a good sign. Means they aren't fighting.

James' mum is sitting at the head of the table, a book in her hands, glasses on. She doesn't need to wear glasses all the time, not like James, but she does need reading glasses. They're round, just like his.

"You alright, lovely?" She asks him, peering over her book.

Euphemia has always had a unique name for each of her boys. 'Lovely' is for James, her lovely boy. 'Darling' is for Sirius, because she loves him so much. 'Sweetheart' for Remus, because he's as sweet as the chocolate he is obsessed with. 'Honey' for Fleamont, because she sometimes calls him Flea, and fleas are attracted to honey. 

She has recently started calling Regulus 'dear-y', which always makes James laugh because he's a stag, and whenever someone says the word "dear" he can't help but giggle at the fact that no one else knows (except for the Marauders, of course).

"Yeah. Sorry for missing dinner last night, I'm sure it was great. I was just a bit- tired." He sneaks a glance at Regulus, who immediately looks down at his breakfast.

"Mmm," Effie says around a spoon of porridge. "What had you so worn out you fell asleep in the middle of the afternoon?"

James feels Regulus stiffen beside him. A stupid part of James - the part of him that's nervous - finds that question funny. It's funny because there is no way he would ever openly tell his mother what happened that made him so tired, let alone in front of Remus and Sirius. He's never going to tell anyone.

"Me and Reggie went for a walk... I tripped and Mellie had to mend my back. S'pose I was a bit worn for wear after all that."

"Oh, James. Are you alright? Do I need to take a look at you?" She puts her book down, leaning forward across the table to cup James' face.

"No, Mellie fixed me. Thanks though, mum." He smiles brightly at her; he's always adored his mum. Always. Always. Always. She's one of the best people in the entire world, in James' opinion.

"You tripped?" Remus asks, concerned.

"Over what?" Sirius does not show concern at all. The only thing he shows is his purple face, where he's trying his best to keep in a laugh.

"Some ice. I landed on a thorn bush," James says it like it was some big adventure. Making it seem like it was something meant to happen- something cool. Not something stupid and clumsy and embarrassing. "Got a wicked scar."

"Lemme see!" Sirius jumps up from his chair, James does the same.

"It's on my back!" James grins. He lifts his shirt, turning around so that Sirius can see it. He doesn't miss the way Regulus turns, blushing profusely, clearly trying his best not to remember the previous night.

"Badass," Sirius mumbles. "Now Pete is the only one without one." He says this like it's something to complain about. The room is suddenly blanketed with an ominous silence, everyone staring at Sirius.

He squeezes his eyes closed, cursing under his breath, before turning to Regulus and apologising.

"Sometimes I forget," he says.

"It's ok," Regulus shrugs. "It's not your fault our mother is-"

"A raving bitch?" Sirius finishes for him, sitting back down at the table.

"Yeah," Regulus actually laughs a little. "That."

"I don't have a scar," Effie says, breaking the new uncomfortable tension in the air, "But I do have a tattoo."

"What?" They all say at the same time. 

James did not know this information. How come his mum never told him before? This is not something she should have kept from him? This is vital information - and evidence - that proves his mum is the coolest person to have ever walked the planet.

"Where?" Sirius asks, bouncing in his seat.

She only looks at him, smirking, but doesn't answer. Sirius giggles, whilst Remus and Regulus share the same look, like they're trying not to laugh.

"Ew. Gross." James leans back in his chair, folding his arms. "Please tell me it's on your hip or something, and not-"

"Oh, James, I'm only messing around." She waves her hand in the air, as if that was totally ok. "Look." She pulls her hair back over her shoulder, revealing the skin behind her ear. There in black ink, plain as day, are two thin, twindly antlers. 

James breathes in sharply.

Does she know?

How could she know?

"Badass," Sirius says again.

"What's it for?" Remus asks, giving James a quick look.

"When I found out James' patronus animal was a stag, I got it done. I've got one of his dad's patronus too." She shrugs as if this is common information. 

"You have another one?" Sirius gapes, looking amazed.

"What is it?" Regulus asks.

"A starfish," Effie replies kindly. "I would show you boys, but-" she glances at James. "Let's just say it isn't on my hip."

"Mum!" James groans, covering his face with his hands. "Why?"

"You asked."

"No, Sirius did. I am not involved here," James says into his hands.

"I want a tattoo," Sirius announces. Remus now groans too, shoving his face in his hands. Though James is sure it is for a completely different reason to why he is doing so.

"We should all get tattoos. Marauders tattoos!" James beams, Sirius grins back at him. 

"Yeah! But... will Pete want to do that? He'd probably run away," Sirius laughs.

"Lay off him." James leans forward on his chair again, elbows resting on the table. "We could all get symbols-"

"Not our patronuses," Remus cuts in. "I- don't know mine."

"Ok, right." James looks over at him, knowing the truth. Remus doesn't need another mark on his body reminding him he's a werewolf. Not that James thinks it's a bad thing, but Remus hates it. 

"How about something astrological?"

They all turn to face Regulus, who caves into himself a little at the sudden attention.

"Yeah!" Sirius almost shouts. "I'll get a star, Moony can get the moon, you can get the-"

"The sun," Regulus interrupts. He meets James' eye. "You should get the sun."

James stares back, not sure he will be quite able to look away anytime soon. That is, until Remus clears his throat.

"What about Pete?" Remus questions.

"He can get a planet or something," Sirius waves the question off. "This is going to be so cool!"

"Reggie, you should get one with us too," James suggests.

"Uh- no, thank you."

"You scared?" Sirius asks, a daring gleam in his eye.

"No." Regulus sits forward in his chair so fast, James is afraid he might fall off it. "I just- What would I get? I can't also get a star."

"Yeah, you can. I'll have a five-pointed star, and you can have one of those twinkly four-pointed ones."

"Twinkly?" Regulus raises an eyebrow, as if to say "Seriously?"

"Aww," James purrs. "How sweet."

Just as Regulus opens his mouth - probably to retaliate - a scratching noise comes from the window. Effie looks up from her book again. There's an owl perched on the window ledge, a letter in it's beak.

"I'll get it, mum." James gets up off his chair, and opens the window. He unclasps the letter from around the owl's leg, offering it a handful of soggy cornflakes. It takes it greedily in it's beak and flies off.

He closes the window and looks down at the letter.

Regulus Black.

"Reggie?" James passes the letter to him, sitting back down in his seat.

Regulus stares at it for a moment, many emotions striking through his eyes. The main one being fear. He's scared.

He holds the envelope in his hand, not opening it, not even moving it- just watching it, like it might attack him at any given time.

James slides one of his arms under the table, placing his hand on Reggie's thigh. Trying to ground him.

It works. Regulus looks up at him, his eyes soften and most of the fear leaks out of them.

"Go on," he whispers.

Regulus turns back to the letter, opening it carefully. He pulls out the letter, immediately relaxing once he begins to read it.

"Who's it from?" Sirius asks, mouth full.

"Sirius, darling, don't talk with your mouth full," Effie says, without even looking away from her book.

He swallows, before apologising politely.

Regulus reads the letter the same way he does books, mouth moving with the words, eyes scanning the page hungrily. James tries not to be too obvious, but he cannot help it. He watches as Regulus gets to the bottom of the page, his face blank and inscrutable.

"Well?" Sirius presses, now with his mouth empty of scrambled egg.

"Slughorn," Regulus says this with relief. "He's invited me to the Slug Club."

There's a moment of silence, then Sirius starts cackling, almost rolling off his chair.

"Of course you would get an invitation to be in the Slug Club!"

"Oi!" Remus elbows Sirius in the ribs. "I got one too, remember?"

"You did?" Regulus seems to be glad about this news.

"Yeah, but I denied it. That's probably why you got your invite so late. It's mine."

Regulus sags in his chair, looking both uninterested and annoyed.

"Are you going to go?" James speaks next, his hand is still on Reggie's thigh. He squeezes it endearingly.

Regulus just shrugs, using his fork to play with the eggs on his plate, but not eating them. "Might."

Sirius starts howling with laughter once again, and no one is able to stop him.

***

Later on, James is getting ready to go to bed, when his bedroom door slowly opens. He thinks it might be Mellie, until he spots those familiar black curls, and Regulus steps into the room.

"Hi" is all he says. 

"Hi," James replies, throwing his pyjama top over his head. He goes over to his bed, sliding into the covers, before pulling them up on the other side of the bed.

He thinks he sees Regulus smile. Possibly. Maybe. The younger boy scurries over and slides in, allowing James to lay the cover over his body.

"You alright?" James asks, not quite sure why Regulus is here. He's not complaining- definitely not, but he is confused.

"Yeah." A few beats later, then, "Do you think I should go to the Slug Club?"

"If you want to, you should. Don't let Sirius stop you- he's an idiot." James reaches out and pushes that stubborn curl out of Regulus' face.

"I know."

"So, do you want to go?"

"I don't know," Regulus answers truthfully. "I want to see what it's like first before making any informed decisions."

James laughs softly. "You sound like the people my dad works with."

"What- because I'm well spoken, and I don't say 'innit'?"

There's humour in his eyes, as well as something else. Something hidden. Something Regulus is trying to drown out, but seems to have a problem doing so. 

"Are you sure you're alright?"

Regulus searches James' face for a moment, like he's deciding whether or not to trust him. "This is going to be my first Christmas without them," he says, voice small.

"I'm sorry." James doesn't even really know what he's apologising for, but it feels right.

"I hate them," he whispers. "I hate them so much for- for what they did. To me. To Sirius. But... they're my family. I don't want to miss them. I don't want to miss that stupid fucking house. I-" His voice catches in his throat.

James reaches out, cupping his face, thumb stroking up and down his cheek bone.

"It's ok to miss them." He gets deja vu. It's exactly like the day he found Regulus on the floor of the greenhouse. "It's ok to miss the familiarity of your family and your childhood home. It's ok, Reggie."

"I was so scared that letter was from them- from her. That it was going to say she was coming to get me- to take me away." His voice comes out calm, steady. Though, James is sure that is not how he must be feeling on the inside.

"She isn't coming for you, ok? She won't get you. I won't let her."

Regulus closes his eyes, leaning into James' palm.

James can't help himself, he leans forward, pressing a kiss to Regulus' forehead.

I love you, he thinks. 

I will protect you.

I will make this your home.

He rest their foreheads together, noses barely touching. It's nice - being this close to him. Being able to know him this intimately. So close that he knows the pattern of his breathing. Knows he uses peppermint toothpaste instead of spearmint. Knows that even though Regulus is naturally cold, he always eventually warms up to James' touch. 

"That's not my home anymore," Regulus whispers into the dark. James doesn't reply, he's fading... drifting off in Regulus' presence once again...

He doesn't know what it is about Regulus, he just makes James so calm. Relaxed. Comfortable. 

Safe.

He makes him feel safe.

"This is."

He barely hears the words before he's out cold, allowing himself to dream. His mind must be on the following morning, because he dreams of Christmas day. Opening presents with Remus, Sirius, and Reggie.

Regulus is happy here. He doesn't miss his parents, or that horrid house. He isn't uncertain or afraid. He's smiling. Perfectly happy. Whispering to James; 

"You're my home."