Morning Star

James is staring at him, waiting for him to explicate what he means. His glasses aren't smudged today, but they are crooked on his nose, so Regulus reaches out to straighten them, maintaining eye contact the entire time.

The truth is, he doesn't know what he means. Well, not really. He knows he needs rules and boundaries to fully understand their agreement, as well as to feel safe whilst doing so. He just doesn't know what rules he wants to validate. He has an idea for a couple, but not all of the ones he knows he'll want to add later.

"We should set some boundaries- to make sure we both feel comfortable and understand precisely what it is were doing. Is that... alright?" Regulus narrows his eyebrows, examining James' face to see if he is picking up what Regulus is putting down.

His face seems to twist in acknowledgement, which causes a grin to grow across his face.

"Oh, what are you smiling about now?" Regulus moans.

"Just- you. Caring. You want to make sure we feel comfortable. Seems like something I would've said." Regulus gives him a blank stare. James shrugs, "Just saying."

"Yes, well. I'm beginning to regret my decision-"

"No! No, don't do that- What rules do you have in mind?" James asks frantically, trying to change the subject.

"First of all, I don't think we should tell anyone about this. Ever. It would be embarrassing for both of us, particularly me."

"I agree. Why would it be bad for you particularly?"

Regulus huffs a sigh and fiddles with his hands in his lap. He does this sometimes when he's nervous. "I'm not loved by all as you are. I'm easier to make fun of, but you... you're James Potter."

"You say my name like it's a statement, like it means something."

"It does. People hear your name and they attract right to you. You're like the sun, people can never seem to get enough of you, they're always drawn to you," Regulus explains. He doesn't dare look at James. He feels very vulnerable in this moment.

"What about you?"

"What about me?" His head tilts up ever so slightly, and he finally looks into those ridiculously hazel eyes. He remembers the first time he ever saw them up close - on his first ride on the Hogwarts Express. They had an unexpected tinge of green in them that you could only notice if you were looking for it.

"Do you see me as the sun?"

"Obviously. You're ego is blinding, you attract people left and right, you're warm and always happy. You are the sun."

"So, I draw you in?" James raises a suggestive eyebrow.

"What- you. I mean, it's more complicated than that."

"How?"

Oh, why does he have to push so hard? James Potter you are an insufferable human being. Yet, Regulus still finds himself answering. It's become increasingly more difficult to ignore James.

"Every now and then I'll want to spend some time in the sun, maybe even enjoy it. But I usually need breaks from it. I like to sit in the shade, away from everyone else. It's quieter. I like quiet."

"I understand. I like quiet too. Sometimes." James lifts a hand to run it through his hair, knocking his glasses with his arm and making them wonky all over again. "I can't really sort through my thoughts unless I'm alone. Sometimes I don't like thinking about them though, especially recently. They just don't seem to make sense anymore."

"Yes, those thoughts are a new territory. They may never go away- I still have them. Though I suppose I'm quite new at this too. I've found it's easier to have someone who can help you organise them." He watches as James opens his mouth to answer, but instead closes it. Regulus feels like he can hear James' thoughts. He's saying Will you be that someone who helps me?

"Is Sirius your someone?" James asks instead.

"Yeah." Regulus answers and clears his throat. "I have another rule."

"Carry on."

"If either of us are busy with something important and the other one needs them, we don't have to drop our obligations for each other." He says it like it's already a set rule, one James is not allowed to argue with. He doesn't, he just nods in response.

"Third, this doesn't mean anything, ok? We're not- in a relationship," Regulus grimaces at the thought. "We don't have to be there for each other or support each other. We don't have to burden each other with our problems. We- it's just-" He stops.

What is it? What are they doing?

"Just physical. Yeah, got it," James answers shortly.

Regulus is confused by James' sharp response. He doesn't see it coming. He also doesn't understand it, so he doesn't try to. Instead, he just carries on.

"What, uh-" He feels blood rush to his cheeks, surely visible enough under his porcelain-like skin for James to notice. "What sort of physical things does that include?" He clears his throat, knowing full well how embarrassed he must appear to be right now. He is. Very.

"Oh!" James exclaims, eyes widening beneath his glasses. "Oh, umm. Maybe there should be rules for that too?"

His cheeks seem to redden just as Regulus' had. They stare at each other, flushed and flustered. Neither of them speak a word. Regulus will not speak first. He will not embarrass himself further by suggesting anything. No. James can do that.

Seemingly understanding this, James opens his mouth to answer.

"Well, we know snogging is ok," he lists this on one of his fingers, "I don't know what you've done with anyone, but I'm not all that... experienced. If we're doing this partially to learn how to- I mean where to- what. You know what I mean. Then maybe we should- experience more?" 

His voice grows higher as he rambles on, gesturing with his hands as if that will help Regulus understand what he's trying to explain. Regulus does understand. That's the mortifying part. He knows exactly what James is suggesting.

He stutters on his words a bit before clearing his throat and finally saying, "I haven't done anything with anyone either. I never had the chance to. It's up to you what you want to propose, if I don't like it I'll just say no."

"Ok. Only if you're sure- Wait." James stops talking and snaps his head up to face Regulus, his eyes shining with realisation. "You've never done anything with anyone before?"

"That's what I just said, isn't it?" Regulus snaps.

"So- Was that your first kiss?" James asks gently. "With me, I mean."

Regulus feels the wave of embarrassment crash over him again. He doesn't answer, only stares into the space where James' tie sits loosely wrapped around his neck.

"Oh, Reggie! I'm so sorry," he spurts sincerely. "I was stupid, I shouldn't have taken that from you. You must hate me. I'm sorry. We don't have to do this if you don't want to- the deal. If you're that new at all this-"

"James!" Regulus raises his voice. "It's fine. You didn't take anything from me. I kissed you."

"Did you?" 

"What do you mean 'Did you'? Of course, I did. Were you not present at the time, because I'm fairly certain you were."

"I wasn't really sure what happened, it was very quick and new and... I just told myself it was me who kissed you because it sounded more realistic."

There's something in James' eyes. Something Regulus has never seen before - he wants to know what it means. James has done that thing again where he drifts off, getting lost in his thoughts, face turning stoic. But his eyes. They say there's something in there, a feeling or a secret. Something Regulus isn't allowed to know just yet. It's hidden just beneath the surface.

"James?" He questions, giving his knee a little nudge.

"It was good. The kiss. You're good at it."

Regulus is not expecting for him to say that of all things. It's strange coming from James Potter. Someone he's never seen himself kissing. He never knew he craved for those words until they were spoken. He doesn't know what that meant yet either.

"I- Thanks. So are you."

James grins, meeting his eyes again, a softness entering them as soon as he does.

"Cheers."

"Right, so. What is off the table?" Regulus says, shifting backwards a little on the bed. He needs some space right now. Away from those piercing eyes.

James just shrugs and responds with, "I'm fine with anything, really. Anything you want to say no to?"

Regulus is surprised by his answer. 

Anything. 

What does that mean? 

Anything.

He's never done anything before.

"I'm fine with anything too, but maybe not quite yet. I think we should," he holds his hands out in front of him, circling them around each other, "work up to everything. One thing at a time."

"Yeah," James replies, squinting his eyes. Regulus knows by now that this means he's thinking. "I agree."

"Great. Should we shake hands on it to seal the deal or-"

Regulus doesn't get the chance to finish his sentence. James leaps forward, pushing him back into the mattress, basically climbing on top of him. He lays on Regulus' whole body like a seal, his index finger over Regulus' lips. He's smiling down at him, the same crooked smile he gave him the first time they ever saw each other. 

His glasses are slowly slipping down his nose, so Regulus pushes them up and then drops his hands again.

James slowly trails his finger from Regulus' mouth and down his chin, tracing his jaw, before reaching into his hair and cradling the back of his head.

"We are not sealing the deal with a handshake," James whispers. He ducks down closer and brings his soft lips to Regulus' jaw. He trails a line of them down there and stops under his ear. He pulls back slightly and leans back in to kiss Regulus firmly on the lips.

Regulus feels as his lips open, allowing James to add the tip of his tongue to the kiss. James still has one hand in his hair, whilst the other is planted on the mattress beside Regulus' head, holding him up.

He brings his own hands up to clutch James' shirt. He squeezes it, feeling a little bad about crumpling it, but at the same time not giving a shit about a crumpled shirt.

James is completely against him, kissing him deeper than he ever has before. This time, he seems to have no intention to stop. He's sort of swaying his whole body every time he moves with the kiss, which makes Regulus feel things he never has before.

One of his legs move, as if with a mind of it's own, to wrap around the back of one of James', bringing them closer. James lets out a strangled gasp when Regulus removes one of his hands from James' top and slowly draws each finger down the front of his covered chest.

He knows James is very athletic, being the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain and all that, but he's never given much thought to how that must affect James physically. In truth, he's never given James' body much thought at all before. 

He is now.

James' chest and torso are hard under his shirt. All those years of Quidditch must've paid off. Regulus knows he will not be complaining about this.

Just as he's made his way down to the dip of James' stomach where his bellybutton is, a noise comes from the door. 

James' head shoots up immediately. He rolls off Regulus and runs his hands down his shirt. He signals for Regulus to move onto Sirius' bed, which he does instantly.

Sirius' voice comes from the other side of the door. He's now banging on it, Regulus is  afraid he might break it down. James goes over to Regulus, swiftly kissing him once more before running to unlock the door.

"Hey, mate. Sorry, Reggie wanted some peace and quiet from all the noise and I offered to keep him company." James lies, as easily as if he were breathing. "You don't mind, do you? He's on your bed."

Sirius enters the room with an agitated looking Remus behind him.

"Not at all." He waves his hand. "Just had to get this one away from Barty and he wouldn't go unless I came with him."

Sirius points back to Remus, who Regulus now realises is very clearly drunk. He sways on the spot and looks weightless, like he could just float if he dared to leap into the air. 

"What's wrong with Barty?" James asks. He shares a quick look with Regulus, knowing full well why Remus has a problem with Barty, who returns it.

Obviously, Remus is insanely jealous of Barty because of the obsession he and Sirius have for each other. Remus wants Sirius to himself. He should just bloody say something.

"Yeah," Remus slurs, ignoring James. "And you're not leaving. Nope. You're staying with me the whole time, Siriririus. Don't leave me for Barty or your girlfriend." He says both words like they disgust him, or burn his tongue.

"I won't, Moony."

Though Sirius is clearly trying to seem angry at Remus, Regulus knows he isn't even in the slightest. He's had Sirius mad at him before and knows full well that this is not what it looks like. Sirius has a small glimmer in his eyes. Regulus thinks he's actually happy that Remus wants him to stay with him, because really, that's all Sirius wants too.

Sirius slings Remus' arm over his shoulders and guides him to a bed on the opposite side of the room - which he is guessing is Remus'.

"I suppose I'll have to bunk with you if Reggie's in my bed," Sirius sighs. He smiles down at Remus, whose eyes are closed as he lays on his bed. Remus opens his arms. Sirius chuckles quietly and lays down, allowing the other boy to envelope him in a hug.

"Night boys," Sirius yawns.

"Night," James answers, giving Regulus one more smile before turning the lights out.

Regulus lays back into Sirius' pillow, accepting his fate. He lifts a hand up to feel over his lips, which are still pulsating, and smiles.

Maybe this deal was a good idea after all.

***

Regulus wakes up to the sound of singing. 

Singing?

That can't be right.

He opens his eyes and notices the red drapes hanging over and around his bed, encasing him in the small space. It takes him a minute or two to realise he isn't in his bed. He's in Sirius' bed.

The previous night comes swimming back to him. He had only had a couple of drinks, but in truth, he wasn't used to drinking quite yet and even that small amount of alcohol was capable of making him drunk.

Regulus sits up and lets his eyes wander, searching his surroundings. Remus' bed hangings are still tightly shut around his bed, meaning both boys are probably still asleep. His eyes move over to James' bed, which sits empty with it's curtains wide open in a way that signals someone had pushed them back enough to crawl out.

A vision of last night slips through his mind, taking control of him. He allows it to, revelling in it. James had held his head so gently. So carefully. Almost as if he really did care. It'd started off so innocently, just a little peck. Regulus liked that James always did that. He liked the build up, knowing that it could always get better.

He remembers when James had kissed along his jaw. Regulus had moved his head to the side, giving him more area to work with. He'd caught sight of James' other arm, the one that was holding him up and balancing him perfectly on top of Regulus. It had been muscular and veiny. 

Regulus had found this very attractive. There's no reason to find such a trivial thing appealing, but he does.

A loud voice breaks his daydream, reminding him that he's still sitting in his brother's bed, reminiscing about James Potter, of all people. He notices that the voice is actually James'. It's coming from behind the closed bathroom door, roaring and very out of tune.

He's singing some stupid song, Regulus recognises it as being one of Sirius' favourites. He lays back down slowly, letting himself listen to James.

Under pressure that brings a building down
Splits a family in two, puts people on streets
Mm-ba-ba-beh, mm-ba-ba-beh
Dee-day-da, ee-day-da
That's okay

Yes, he is very off-key and obnoxiously loud, but it's sort of endearing. Regulus would never admit this, to James or to anyone else, but he finds that he likes it. The way James might as well be yelling the words, not having a care in the world about how loud he's being. 

That's the terror of knowing what this world is about
Watchin' some good friends screamin', "Let me out"
Pray tomorrow gets me higher
Pressure on people, people on streets

A smile creeps it's way onto Regulus' face as he imagines James right now and how he must look. He's probably- no, he's definitely using the showerhead as a microphone. There is absolutely no doubting that. He's probably doing a little dance, careful not to slip on the bubbles as they clog the shower drain.

Chippin' around, kick my brains 'round the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours
Ee-doh-ba-buh, ee-da-ba-ba-bop
Mm-bo-bop, beh-lup
People on streets, ee-da-dee-da-day
People on streets, ee-da-dee-da-dee-da-dee-da

Regulus laughs at James' awful, just atrocious, attempt of trying to sing high-pitched. He makes bew bew and bom bom bom sounds, mocking the instruments.

James eventually comes to the end of this song, but doesn't stop there. He starts to sing another. Again, one he must have heard from Sirius, as it's a muggle song, and Sirius has some sort of obsession with those.

I can dim the lights and sing you songs full of sad things
We can do the tango just for two
I can serenade and gently play on your heart strings
Be your Valentino just for you

This song seems to flow from James more comfortably than the prior one did, he stays in tune for some of it. He's still no singer, Regulus thinks. He knows that if it was anyone else he would probably shout at them to shut the fuck up, but he doesn't. This is just such a perfectly James thing to do - the obnoxiously loud singing.

Ooh, love, ooh, loverboy
What're you doin' tonight, hey, boy?
Set my alarm, turn on my charm
That's because I'm a good old-fashioned loverboy

A groan comes from the other side of the dormitory, Regulus recognises it as Sirius. He's clearly been woken by James' singing, which only makes Regulus enjoy it more.

"Does he have to sing so fucking loud?" Sirius whines, slapping open one of the curtains encircling Remus' bed. His head pops out, an irritated look overtaking every one of his features. Regulus has to stifle a laugh. Sirius' hair is sticking up in every possible direction, some of it sticking to the sides of his face.

Sirius rolls his eyes, finally taking them away from the bathroom door. They land on Regulus, which leads Sirius' cheeks to start glowing red. He just stares at Regulus and Regulus stares back. Many words hang in the air between them, none of which Regulus can grasp.

Another groan originates from behind Sirius, followed by a grouchy looking Remus who sits up and sticks his head out beside Sirius'. His eyes move between Regulus and Sirius slowly, taking in the current situation they are all stuck in.

When Remus glances at Sirius again, his eyes widen and he jumps back. Regulus hears a loud thud, indicating that Remus has just fallen out of the other side of his bed. Sirius' head immediately disappears, as he worriedly calls, "Moony? You alright?"

"Yeah," Regulus hears. "Fine. Just- it's a bit hot in there."

Remus emerges from the other side of his bed, avoiding both Black brothers' eyes. He clears his throat as Sirius pops his head out again. Regulus is now leaning on his palms, which are on the bed behind him. 

The silence becomes unbearable, but Regulus refuses to be the one to break it. He is fully aware he is currently in a room with two of the most stubborn people in the world, who will probably not be breaking the silence either. He feels a massive wave of relief when James begins to sing again.

Sailors fighting in the dance hall
Oh man, look at those cavemen go
It's the freakiest show
Take a look at the lawman
Beating up the wrong guy
Oh man, wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best selling show
Is there life on Mars?

He hums parts of it, which makes Regulus think he doesn't know this song as well as the others.

"I taught him well," Sirius says. He chuckles nervously, finally climbing out of Remus' bed and making his way over to the end of his own. He shuffles around in his trunk, pulling out a fresh set of clothes.

"Moony, do you think there is any possible way that you could maybe- perhaps do my Transfiguration homework tonight? I would, but I have a date with Mary and I won't have the time. I would ask if-" Sirius stops mid-sentence when Remus scoffs at him.

"Tonight? You have a date with Mary tonight?" Remus' voice is laced with anger, he's practically seething. "I'm sorry, I won't have time tonight. I'll be in the hospital wing, quite preoccupied."

Sirius' face fills with recognition and, if Regulus is correct, guilt.

"Oh, right. I forgot. I'm so sorry, Moony. I'll cancel- I will. I promise."

Before Remus can answer, Regulus asks, "How do you know you'll be in the hospital wing? What's wrong with you?"

"Oh, uh..." Sirius mutters. He and Remus face each other, eyes widening, struggling.

"I have something. Was born with it. Madam Pomfrey likes to check up on me every now and then. Make sure I'm ok," Remus answers simply. "It's not contagious or anything, it's just a wolf of a disease."

Sirius snorts and Regulus has the feeling he's missing something. He isn't given the chance to figure it out. At that moment, the bathroom door opens, followed by a large cloud of steam. James steps out, a towel wrapped around his waist. His glasses are fogged up and his hair is dripping wet.

Regulus doesn't look away. Not that he would be able to if he tried. His eyes greedily linger on James. Who is in a towel. Did he mention that already? He's in a towel; it's wrapped just below his hips, showing off the muscles Regulus was feeling last night.

"I'm glad you've expanded your song pallete, Prongsy, but did you have to sing quite so loud and off-key?" Sirius asks, bounding towards James.

"I thought I sounded great."

"No, sweetie. Just no." Reaching out, Sirius pats James' shoulder gently with a sympathetic smile. James rolls his eyes and makes his way over to his own bed.

Regulus shakes his head, blinking harshly. He's never seen James without his top on before. Not that he remembers, and he is sure he would remember. He is also sure he will never forget the sight. 

When he lifts his head once again, he meets Remus' eyes. They're watching him. He's watching him. Remus raises an eyebrow at him, smirking so slightly it's almost unnoticeable.

Regulus doesn't understand what that means. It scares him though. Remus knows... something. What does he know? Regulus is unsure, but he does know something. 

For the time being, Regulus chooses to ignore Remus and his strange looks. He focuses instead on tuning into James and Sirius, who are now bickering light-heartedly.

"He's right. You sounded horrible, just... awful," Regulus comments.

James turns to face him; his glasses are no longer fogged up, showing off his eyes. They look greener in the morning light. Regulus is greeted with a nostalgic feeling, recalling the first time James ever spoke to him. He'd wrapped his arm over Regulus' shoulders. He'd blown on his hands to warm him up. He'd been so kind.

Regulus would have never imagined that he would ever make a deal involving snogging James Potter, and most likely doing more than that. It's funny how much can change over time. He definitely sees James differently now. He admires him more; understands him more; likes him more. He feels the loud presence of James Potter in his bones. Allowing himself to acknowledge that James exists, and he doesn't mind that at all.

"Reggie..." James says mournfully. "I thought at least you would appreciate beautiful art when you hear it."

Regulus breathes a laugh and shakes his head. "I don't know if I would call whatever happened in there art. A more suitable name for it would be torture."

James gasps, clutching his chest as if there were pearls there. "Just when I thought we could be friends."

"Guess you'll have to accept my bitter side as well as my sweet side," Regulus shrugs.

"Bittersweet," James contemplates. He pointedly lifts his hand to rub his chin. "I'll take it."

"Your mistake," Regulus smirks.

James smiles back. He doesn't smile in the same way as he usually does. This time his nostrils flare and his cheeks turn pink, whilst his lips look close to reaching his ears. It makes Regulus struggle to look away.

"Sirius," Remus calls, bringing Regulus back to their surroundings.

Sirius is staring stubbornly at James. His eyes are full of curiosity and confusion. James snaps back too and rubs the back of his head, muttering something about needing to get dressed. 

"You should go and speak to Mary. Now."

"Yeah," Sirius answers. This seems to get his full attention back too. "Sorry again, Moony."

Remus shrugs as if to say It's fine and heads into the bathroom.

"Hey, Remus!" James calls and Lupin sticks his head out of the bathroom door. "Where's Pete?"

"Dunno," Remus answers. "I think he went off with that Slytherin girl- Emma or Emily."

Emma? With Peter?

Regulus makes a mental note to enquire Emma about this later. After all, she has been complaining about the boy for the past month.

Both James and Sirius begin to get dressed, so Regulus lets himself fall back into Sirius' bed and rolls over, burying his face in the pillow.

All he can think about is James.

James.

James.

James.

He needs serious help. He needs to talk to Barty.

No. Barty is not emotionally mature enough for this kind of problem. He needs to speak with Pandora. As soon as fucking possible.

***

Even though it's the middle of autumn, Regulus finds Pandora out in the Hogwarts grounds. She's sitting as close as she can to the Whomping Willow without being hit, a book balanced on her crossed legs. There's a flower tucked behind her ear, as a few strands of her pale hair flow over it like a gentle waterfall.

Regulus doesn't understand what Pandora's obsession with the violent tree is. She had once said she believed it was put there for them, since it had arrived only the year before they did. He could usually find her here, sitting alone. Maybe enjoying a book like she happened to be doing now.

He's striding over to her, not knowing precisely what he wants to say, but knowing he does need to talk to her. Pandora has this effect - she's so easy to talk to. She makes you want to tell her all your secrets. Luckily, she's a nice enough person, she won't tell anyone anything you tell her, but if she did happen to be evil, no one else would stand a chance.

Regulus sits down gracefully next to her. She holds up a finger, her eyes rapidly scanning her book, and then drops it when she's finished her page.

"Hello, Regulus. We lost you at the party, are you alright?" Pandora's voice is smooth like velvet, and sweet like honey. Regulus has always found a comfort in it, especially since it's always matched with a warm smile as well as her full attention, which makes him feel heard.

"I'm fine. I..." He stops. There's no way he's about to tell anyone, not even Pandora, about the deal. The first lie that comes to his head is the one James had told Sirius last night. "I wanted to get away from all the noise, so I went up to Sirius' room and fell asleep there."

"Ok." Pandora assesses him with her eyes, they squint so quickly, he almost can't tell. He does know she doesn't believe him. "Whose bed did you sleep in?"

"Sirius'."

"Alone?"

"Yes," he answers simply.

"Alright then," she shrugs and turns back to her book.

"I do need to talk to you about something. It's sort of important. Well, it isn't," Regulus rambles. "It's just something I can't seem to get off my mind."

"What's wrong?"

"Umm..." Regulus hasn't thought this far ahead. He doesn't know what he wants to say or what he's actually going to say. "I saw someone in a way I never have before and I- I don't know. I couldn't take my eyes off them and I don't know what that means."

Pandora continues to stare at him with intuitive eyes. Her lips twist up at the corners, but she quickly tucks them in, trying to cover it.

"May I ask who?"

"You may not," he says.

"Ok." She nods, searching him once again with her eyes. "It depends on what you mean when you say you saw them in a way you never have before. Was it from upside down? Was it something they said or did? Were they naked? W-"

"Naked?!" Regulus shrieks. "N- no. Definitely not. Well, sort of..."

"I'm going to need more information if you want an accurate answer."

Regulus sighs and shifts a little closer to Pandora, possibly grass-staining his trousers. Oh well, he should change out of these clothes soon anyway.

"They were in a towel and their hair was all wet and sort of- dripping."

Pandora can't seem to stop herself, she bursts into immediate giggles as soon as Regulus snaps his mouth shut. He's probably said too much. This was stupid. Well, it wasn't. He knows it wasn't. If anyone can help him now, it's Pandora. Somehow, she always seems to know the answer to everything, no matter how strange the situation is.

"Pandora," Regulus complains. "I'll just leave if you don't-"

"No, don't," Pandora says through giggles, reaching out to tug on his arm from where he was beginning to stand. "Sorry. I just think it's devastatingly obvious."

"What is?"

"Your problem. You definitely find this person attractive," she spoke.

Regulus' face scrunched up at this, he felt a sickening twist in his stomach. He? Regulus Arcturus Black find James Potter attractive? Pah! No. Never. Absolutely not.

James isn't ugly or anything, he looks... fine. But Regulus doesn't think he's- attracted to him or anything. That's just completely out of the question.

"What else?"

"You're most likely going to develop a crush for them. The probability of that happening is about 84%. If that continues, you'll end up falling in love with them." She shrugs as if this possibility is not absolutely, abhorrently appalling.

"Love?" He squeaks.

Regulus doesn't do love. Ok, fine. He knows he loves his brother and his friends, but he never says it. He shows it. He hasn't said it to anyone for years. The last person he said it to was Sirius when he was around twelve or thirteen.

"Yes. I know you don't like it, but you can't control your feelings, especially when you've been ignoring them for so long."

There is no way, no way, Regulus will ever fall in love with James. One, it just won't happen, and two, he won't let it happen. There. It's as simple as that.

Fine. He'll accept the fact that James is quite attractive. He's sort of got to accept that with the deal he's made. But that's all it is - a physical attraction. 

There's that word again. Physical. It keeps showing up where James is concerned. 

"Well, it will not be happening. Never. I am not falling in love with anyone, nor will I ever." He stands up, saying a quick goodbye, before rushing back to the castle.

For the first time since he's known her, Pandora has failed to make him feel better.

Regulus feels his blood boiling just beneath his skin, making him feel all prickly and on edge. He's almost at the castle now, planning to head straight to his dormitory. He wants to get out of these ridiculous party clothes.

The moment he enters the castle he crashes into someone.

Oh, of course. This is just perfect. Regulus mentally throws both of his middle fingers up at the sky.

James. It just had to be him of all people. It just bloody had to be, didn't it?

"Woah," James laughs. He grabs onto Regulus' shoulders, steadying him. "You're in a hurry. Where are you going?"

"Why the fuck is that any of your concern?" Regulus grits.

"I'm a curious individual." James smiles, not caring that Regulus just snapped at him for no reason whatsoever.

"A bit too curious, I'd say."

Regulus moves, trying to walk away, but James (the stubborn bastard he is) blocks his path. He's still smiling. 

Regulus wants to shout at him again. 

He wants to slap that stupid smile off his face. 

He also wants to go and take advantage of this "beneficial" deal they've made.

"Hey, Reggie. Are you alright?" James reaches out again, placing a hand on the side of Regulus' arm. Regulus looks at it and raises his eyebrows. James clears his throat. "Sorry."

He removes his hand, which annoys Regulus. He's not sure why. It just does.

"I'm fine." Regulus turns around, scanning the corridor, and then steps on his tiptoes to peer over James' shoulder. When he notices the corridor is completely empty, he scoops up James' hand in his own and leads him away.

"Where are we going?" James asks cheerfully.

"We're going to seal the deal." He turns to meet James' eyes and adds, "Somewhere we won't be interrupted this time."

James' eyes widen under his glasses and his hand tightens around Regulus'.

"Ok."

They find an empty classroom a few minutes later. James locks the door with his wand and casts a silencing charm. Regulus double checks inside the cupboard, just in case there's someone in there. No one is.

Two hands block his vision and he feels a presence behind him, almost pressed up against him.

"Guess who," James whispers into his ear.

"Oh, I wonder who it could be. Remus Lupin?"

"Hey!" James scolds, but he chuckles. "He's Sirius' man."

"Yes, I suppose. Guess I missed my chance there." Regulus fake sighs. "Oh well. There's always Peter."

James snorts.

"The only straight person I share a room with."

"Ahh," Regulus turns around. His nose almost knocks into James' chin. "Guess not."

"There's always me," he shrugs.

Regulus smirks. "Yes, I suppose there is always you."

When James doesn't make any sign of leaving the cupboard, Regulus asks, "Are we just going to hang out in the cupboard then?"

"Yeah, it's nice and... snug in here."

James bends his head down. Regulus will never get used to this feeling. If being gay wasn't so strange in the society they live in, he might have come out ages ago. He might have snogged other people by now. Then he would be more familiar with this feeling. This possessive desire that makes everything else in the universe forgotten to him.

Literally. He can't even remember his own last name right now.

James has one of his hands on the side of Regulus' neck and the other... The other is loosely wrapped around one of Regulus' wrists, steadily making it's way down to his hand. Regulus let's it and feels as James' hand embraces his. Regulus lifts his other hand and yanks on James' tie, pulling him as close as possible.

He moves away from James' mouth and starts pressing pecks down his chin and neck. James moves his hand from Regulus' neck and lets it wander down. It meets the collar of his shirt, so he begins to unbutton it.

Regulus continues to... He doesn't really know what it's called. He's sort of snogging James' neck. Dangerously skimming the skin there with his teeth and, every now and then, his tongue.

He feels as James tugs at his tie, pulling it off completely. James continues to unbutton his top.

Regulus pulls away.

"What's wrong? Is this not ok?" James questions.

"No- I mean yes, it's fine. Well, what are we doing?"

"Oh," James grins. "I just want to look at you."

"Ok, why?"

"Why not?" James shrugs. His eyes look so unbelievably soft, Regulus could not possibly deny him of anything, and this seems like a reasonable answer enough. "Besides, you saw me earlier."

Regulus' mind goes back to this morning. James in a towel. Only a towel. Nothing else.

"O- Right, yeah. I remember- yeah. I mean, I think I do. What was it again? Oh, yeah. You- in a towel."

James giggles, it comes out more nervous than it usually does.

"You're adorable, Reggie."

"I'm going to need a reminder," Regulus says, sounding braver than he feels.

"Oh, is that so?" James cocks an eyebrow.

"Yes, it absolutely is. Come on then, Potter. Together?" 

"Together," James replies. He moves his fingers to his shirt, slowly undoing each button. Regulus watches. He can't not watch.

James is just so... Oh, he doesn't even know. His mind goes blank as soon as the word "James" comes to mind. James is beautiful. There. That's what he is. Regulus doesn't mean physically- well, he does, but he specifically means James' soul. He's such a pretty person. Always smiling or laughing. Always bright and charming. Always there when you need him.

He's an alluring cacophony of everything good in the world. A drop of sunlight gifted to everyone who will ever have the luck of meeting him. James Potter is the definition of perfection.

Of course, Regulus knows no one is perfect. Even James isn't really. But he thinks, if anyone is perfect, James is the closest to it.

"Oi. I thought we said together?" James asks.

Regulus suddenly realises he's been staring at James quite adamantly for the past couple of minutes, without blinking at all. James' shirt is unbuttoned, hanging open, draped over his broad shoulders.

Well, Regulus thinks. Of course, James would have an actual six pack. Of course, that's a real thing that James has. Because he really is perfect. That's right. Not no one is perfect, because James unequivocally is. Regulus didn't think anyone real - or at least, anyone at Hogwarts - actually had a six pack, or were actually this attractive. 

But James. 

He isn't just anyone. No, he is real. The thing of fantasies, and someone who couldn't possibly exist in the real world, but he does. He's standing right in front of Regulus, waiting for him to follow his lead.

So, Regulus lifts his hands to finish off the job that James has started, until he's matching James. His shirt - still the one he was wearing at the party on the previous night - hanging lightly over his own shoulders.

James' eyes light up. Regulus believes this is because James has never been this far with someone before. Also, because James is new to the whole gay thing (just like Regulus) and this is probably the first time he's looked at another boy whilst being aware of his feelings.

"Oh," James sighs. 

Oh. Oh?

What the fuck does 'oh' mean?

Does it mean 'Oh I thought you'd be better looking or more athletically inclined like me'? Or does it mean 'Oh, not what I was expecting'? Or 'Oh, never mind. This was a stupid idea'?

Either way, Regulus promptly becomes very uncomfortable and subtly covers himself with his arms.

"Wait," James speaks, reaching out to remove Regulus' arms. "I didn't mean- Sorry. No, I just- Oh. Oh, it's you. Hi. That's- you. Reggie. You're Reggie. You're... you're quite pretty."

"Pretty?" Regulus asks half amused and half confused.

"Yes. Not quite. Very."

"Alright, Potter. I'm not Sirius, the ego boost thing doesn't work on me." Even though Regulus doesn't quite understand what James meant by 'Oh', he feels comfortable enough now to allow James to move his arms. As soon as they're out of the way, James' ears raise as a small smile creeps onto his face.

"Pretty," he says softly. "Very pretty."

Regulus' cheeks burn a deep crimson. He's never been called pretty before. Pretty isn't the sort of word your friends would use to describe you, nor your family. He's never had a girlfriend- or boyfriend before. So, no one has ever felt the need to call him pretty.

James isn't his boyfriend, but he is something.

"Can I?" James questions, pointing at a scar peering out from under Regulus' shirt.

That scar. Oh, it has the... well, to put it blatantly, the strangest story behind it.

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

James isn't smiling. He isn't frowning either. His face is focused, stern, like he wants his full attention on everything he's doing. Like he's trying to tune into all his senses, using them at full volume.

His fingertips brush the cold surface of Regulus' skin - it's just above his hip. The scar. James' fingers are warm, it's as if they're radiating fire- no. They're releasing his magic through the very cells of his skin, onto Regulus. He can feel the spark of it as it shoots through him, pumping his blood faster through his body, his heartbeat increases.

Wow, he muses in his head. He's never felt magic do that before.

James strokes his fingers upwards, barely touching Regulus at all. Yet, somehow, he feels it more powerfully than he has ever felt anything in his entire life. It's addicting, honestly. It's genuinely like a fucking drug, and he knows, when James stops, he's going to crave it again. That intimate touch. 

He comes into contact with the scar, examining it for a moment, before tracing it. After a minute or two, he charts it like it's familiar to him. Like he's known it's shape all his life.

"How did you get it?" His voice croaks.

"It's a bit silly actually," Regulus start with a nervous laugh that barely makes it out of his mouth. He's breathless. Figuratively and literally. "I think I was about seven or eight, I don't know. I was out with my mother and found a fish lying in the street. I didn't want it to die. When I was younger, I had a thing about animals that lived underwater. They fascinated me. So, I saved it. I took it home and kept it as a pet. I-" He paused, feeling embarrassed. "I called it Sirius."

James smiles at that.

"My mother found out I'd kept it, even though she'd obeyed me not to. She would've had me leave it in the middle of the road to die." Regulus shakes in head in disapproval. "Well, I wasn't going to let that happen. Anyway, she got angry and..."

"Did she give you the scar?" James murmurs, tracing the scar once again. His eyes lock with Regulus'. They're filled with pity. Regulus will not be pitied.

"Yes. Walburga Black likes to teach lessons. Especially lessons that order one to obey everything she instructs. Her favourite curse at the time was the lacero curse." Regulus flinches at the sound of the word coming from his mouth. He hates it. It makes him feel violently sick. "Sirius was very misbehaved that year."

James flinches now too. Disgust evident upon his facial features, Regulus notices. He knows James hates listening to how Sirius was tortured - especially by his own mother.

"I hate how she treated you. Both of you. You didn't deserve it."

"We don't have to worry about that anymore." Regulus shrugs, feeling exposed. He wants to shrivel up into a ball and hide in a corner where no one can find him. That sounds like a nice plan. Maybe he'll do that later. 

"Yeah, I s'pose."

"Hey," Regulus says, reaching up to tilt James' chin so that he's facing him once again. "You know, you're quite pretty too, Potter."

James grins, revealing each of his dazzlingly white teeth. "Oh, I think my ego just burst like a firework."

"It did. I heard it."

They both chuckle. Regulus took a big step today, he knows it. Not only did he allow himself to be physically vulnerable in front of James, but he also shared something painfully private with him. He let James touch his scar. He doesn't know why - it's something he's very self conscious about. He doesn't like it when Evan and Barty so much as look at it, let alone do something so ghastly as to touch it. But he let James.

There's a part of him - the part that came to James for help on that horrid summer's afternoon - that trusts James deeply. 

That part scares him because it's new and it came from nowhere - he doesn't know how dominant that part of him might be, or may become. For now, he allows it to take root inside him. It is James, and James hasn't given him a reason for Regulus to doubt him. Not yet.

***

Later that night, Regulus finds himself alone. That may sound depressing or potentially boring to anyone else his age, but he finds it calming. There's a place he likes to go to clear his head - it's his favourite spot because no one else ever goes up there. He's never disturbed or found. Plus, he gets to do one of his favourite things. Stargaze.

It takes him a while, but he finally makes it up to the top of the astronomy tower by the time the sun is setting, hiding behind the mountains. He sits down at the very edge of the tower, leaning both of his arms on the metal bar and resting his head on them.

Regulus isn't out tonight. That star is only ever out at the end of summer. Human Regulus remembers pointing it out to James. He remembers how James had pressed his cheek against his just so he could see it.

He spots Sirius, strangely enough. Sirius shouldn't be out until late winter, but of course, he never does follow the rules anyway. The Sirius star resides right next to the moon. The apparently full moon tonight. The great, shiny orb stares at him and he gets the immediate sensation that it's trying to tell him something.

That's stupid. The moon isn't really trying to tell him anything. It's just the moon. But there's a deep part of his brain that is screaming at him to connect the dots of... something. The problem is, he doesn't know what.

Something... something.

"What is it?" Regulus groans at the moon. It continues to hang in the sky, practically mocking him.

Something he heard today. Yes, it feels familiar.

Ok.

He started his day... Oh, yes! In Sirius' bed.

James was singing. He's so awful at singing, but that's what Regulus likes about it. He's so awful and so confident about it- No, it's not the time.

Sirius woke up. Then Remus woke up.

Remus.

He feels something in the pit of his stomach. It has something to do with Remus.

What did Remus say? He fell out of bed. He complained about something. Was it James' singing? Probably. Uhh... What else? Think!

He was arguing with Sirius.

Sirius had wanted to see Mary, but Remus got angry because he was going to be in the hospital wing. Regulus remembers finding that strange. Especially when Remus said he had a "thing" that had to be checked by Madam Pomfrey every now and then.

Ok, so... Remus. He's in the hospital wing with something he has to have checked frequently. Regulus remembers last year when Remus had been brought into the hospital wing one early morning in June. He'd been covered in blood. Regulus was in the hospital wing because of a Quidditch accident. A Bludger to the head or something like that.

He'd thought Remus had gotten into another fight with Sirius. They were always squabbling like an old married couple. It would usually end with either Remus throwing a punch, or Sirius hexing him.

So, what is it?

Regulus sighs, frustrated, and stares back out at the moon. It's so large and obvious.

Remus is in the hospital wing a lot. It's a full moon.

No, Regulus thinks, he couldn't be.

Does Lupin usually have monthly check-ups? Is it always on a full moon? Is Remus Lupin... a werewolf?

That can't be possible. Surely, he wouldn't be allowed in the school. Unless, Dumbledore doesn't know. If Regulus could figure it out, then their headmaster definitely would have by now.

Maybe Remus isn't a werewolf and Regulus is just reading too much into everything.

The distant echo of a howl reverberates through his ears. He swallows and knows. A part of him clicks and just knows that Remus Lupin is, in fact, a werewolf.

Does Sirius know? Does James know? Who does know?

Why does Remus need Sirius to be free tonight if he's transitioning into a man-eating beast? Humans are not allowed anywhere near werewolves on full moons. He knows that much.

It's very dangerous and would cause immense damage, as well as possible murder. 

He sits on the edge of the astronomy tower for half of the night, thinking through every question, thought, and theory that pops into his head. By the time he goes back to the Slytherin common room, it's almost morning.

Even though he's figured out what Remus Lupin is, he won't tell anyone. At least, not before he has all the answers to every one of his questions. Remus has always been nice to him, and Regulus feels like he deserves the chance to explain himself. He doubts Remus Lupin is a monster at all, even if he really is a werewolf. Which he is.

Just because someone looks like a monster on the outside, it doesn't mean that's who they are on the inside. And just because someone doesn't look all that evil, it doesn't mean they aren't capable of committing the most horrific acts imaginable.

Regulus, as a Black, would know all about that.