PARALYZED
She woke up to sunlight filtering in through the windows, burning her closed eyelids.
She opened them and was faced with the warm touch of the sun across her face and smiled lightly, enjoying something so simple.
There was the sound of metal against glass coming from the kitchen and Vera slowly sat up as Snape walked into the room with two cups of tea.
“About time you gave me some” she laughed lightly and to her shock, the corner of Snape’s mouth lifted, a contrast to his usually straight if slightly frowned expression.
“I finally pity you.”
She took a sip of the tea and made a face, “Don’t you put milk or sugar in your tea?”
“No.”
“Now I pity you.”
He waved a hand and sugar and milk floated over from the kitchen and she took healthy portions of both and spun them into her tea, watching the colors meld until her tea took on a warm toffee color.
“Do you think he’ll kill me now?” she asked, wincing.
“I meant what I said last night, I think he sees untapped potential within you. But Vera, you need to work on your Occlumency. From what I see, you are good at repelling and keeping others out but you need to dig deeper. Separate your everyday emotions from your actions, put those away so you can focus on the task at hand. Last night would have been easy if you had done so.”
She hadn’t thought about it that way and the idea was scary. Emotions were fundamental to humans and creatures of high intelligence. To put those away, what would she be? But the idea was interesting as she knew he was right. She had felt so much fear for the man and of Voldemort that she couldn't do what was asked of her. It reminded her about what she was thinking last night.
“Is that what you do?”
“Yes.”
“How do you do it? Just lock everything away like it’s nothing?”
He paused, considering before answering, “Because it is nothing. It’s just a distraction.”
She nodded weakly, “I’ll work on it.”
She finished her tea and stood.
“I should leave.”
Snape nodded and bid her goodbye as she left.
Nobody was home and Vera was thankful for it.
When she looked at herself in the mirror she was horrified, her hair and clothes were filthy, she had bruises on her face- purple splotches blooming across her right side, and her fingers were mangled.
She slowly stepped in the shower and scrubbed herself anew.
When she came out, her pain had eased only slightly and she collapsed into her own bed, needing rest.
She awoke hours later to James’ face just inches from hers and she started, waking up to your own face was very disconcerting.
“What the hell?” she asked, groggy, slowly stretching her legs.
“Me what the hell? You what the hell!”
“What?” she groaned, turning over.
“Your face!” she froze then.
She never healed the bruises. She slumped again and spoke, as casually as she could, “I fell.”
“You look like you fell off the Astronomy tower- your whole face is bruised” he screeched, his voice rising multiple octaves as dramatic as ever.
“Go away James, I’m sleeping.”
She desperately needed him to leave. She made sure to keep her hands under the blankets.
“I got a muggle bike and I fell off of it yesterday. It honestly doesn’t even hurt that bad” she rolled her eyes.
“What bike? You don’t even know how to ride one, why'd you even try? Was it Sirius’ bike, I knew you’d try and take it.”
“Believe it or not, I got it myself and I tried it because you kept me locked up in this house all day. I wanted to find something new to do.”
“What about working with Promfrey? You enjoy that don’t you?”
“It’s nice but nothing serious happens at Hogwarts, it’s just trips and random hexes.”
“Good, that’s all the damage you need to see” James said with a nod, pleased with himself.
“Get out” she ground out to which he did, seemingly sufficiently satisfied with her explanation.
The first thing she did that day was heal her face, erasing all remnants of the events that transpired yesterday.
Then it was back to Occlumency but this time, she worked on isolating her emotions and neatly boxing them away. She found peace in organization but she could feel the toll it slowly took on her and when she opened her eyes it was…odd.
She thought about yesterday again and it felt like she was in a pensieve, watching the situation unfold, seeing how it caused the people within it distress, understood why, but she herself didn’t feel much- just a bystander.
That evening, they were all together, sitting around different spots in the sitting room when suddenly James’ wand started ringing shrilly, filling the silent room.
He jumped up and Sirius’, Remus’, and Lily’s wands began to ring and they all got up.
“What is that?” Vera questioned them as they all started to bustle around, gathering their things.
“New alarm system- there’s an emergency” James rushed.
“Oh no, where is it?” Vera asked, slowly standing up, not knowing what to do except watch them.
“The alert takes us directly to the scene” Sirius explained as he was jumping around, shoving his feet into boots.
Vera felt detached- just standing in the room while the three boys coordinated and Lily ran to grab their protective robes- imbued with ward protection.
They all gave her quick hugs and then it was just her alone in the room that was previously filled with life.
The flames in the hearth burned bright and the manor was silent and she was just sitting on the sofa, nothing but a mere speck in the world.
After a few minutes of spacing out, she felt a burst of energy and seized the moment heading up to the attic. There were boxes stacked across the right wall, full of memories of their childhood so Vera just put up a quick protection spell and got to work.
She pulled out one of the spellbooks Regulus gave her and laid out flat on the floor to the first page.
Her trusty dummy was set up in the middle again and this time she molded its face to look like Voldemort’s- hoping it would inspire some strong emotions. She straightened her back and squared her shoulders. Snape wasn’t stronger than her nor more capable. Neither was Regulus or any of the other Slytherins. If they could do it, so could she.
She ran through the same spells as before again, finding the magic flowing from her core to her wand easier. When she first practiced with Regulus the magic came in short bursts of power, dark magic making her arm tingle like she was shot with a syringe but now it was like a thread being smoothly spooled and pulled taut, shooting out of her steadily. Whether from the Occlumency or just consistent exposure to the spells she wasn’t sure but she wouldn’t question it.
She then flipped through the book and practiced some more. It was hard, the darker the spells got, the more she struggled and she thought maybe learning under Bellatrix’s hand wouldn’t be so bad.
The horrors Bellatrix inflicted on others was no secret but she couldn’t necessarily hurt Vera excessively. Voldemort seemed to like her in the contriving way he acted and she reasoned she couldn’t learn if she was bleeding out on the floor.
She vanished the dummy, sending it to whatever shadow dimension vanished objects went and decided to wait until her lessons with Bellatrix, hoping she’d learn something helpful then and went to the basement to brew healing potions.
She took it upon herself to begin brewing potions to help the Order restock their stores. As the war grew, more people were required to go out on missions and more Healers were required for both magical and non-magical people that got caught in the crossfire and sometimes it was hard to keep track of all the potions. If this was all she could do openly then she was grateful for it.
After applying some of her own Dittany salve to her fingers- instantly soothing them, she packed a bag and decided to go straight to Remus’ cottage that he inherited from his father since it was often used as a makeshift clinic, many patients going straight there after skirmishes.
When she arrived, the house was in full chaos. The entryway was full of people, bustling around arms full of white linen cloth or buckets of water. As she pushed past everyone, she saw the living room was full of beds with people writhing in pain in each one.
Madam Promfrey was among the fray, flanked by medi witches from St. Mungo’s and she worked with brutal efficiency with the others to heal as many people as she could.
She began to panic, scanning the beds for familiar faces and saw Alice in one of the beds, gasping as Frank held a hand to her upper thigh, begging one of the medi witches to help him. His robes were covered in blood and she desperately hoped it wasn’t his too.
Vera ran over to her, throwing her bag down and pulling her wand out.
“What happened?” she shouted.
“It was a trap” Frank shook his head, his eyes wild. “It was a muggle under the Imperius curse. He set fire to an Order safe house up in Devon. Everyone inside was transferred here. Alice found the Muggle who did it but Yaxley got to her first.”
As Frank regaled the tale, Vera waved her wand over the wound, frantically casting healing spells, willing Alice’s frayed skin to stitch together and it was agonizing. The skin would come together, only to fall apart again.
“What’s happening,” Vera asked aloud to nobody in particular, not understanding why it wasn’t healing.
Alice spoke up then, “ Cutis lacrima ” she gasped, “I need the counter-curse, it- it won’t heal”
“I’ve never heard of that,” Vera said helplessly. “Go get a mediwitch, I’ll apply pressure” Vera waved Frank away and cringed when Alice cried out in pain as they switched spots.
“You’re too good, Alice,” Vera whispered helplessly.
Alice was about to say something but then fell limp as her eyes rolled in the back of her head.
“Help! Please!” she shouted out into the room.
She brought one hand to Alice’s face, lightly slapping her cheek to wake her up but to no avail.
She could hear her heartbeat in her ears and the blood from Alice’s leg burned her hands as her blood continued to gush like red wine from her leg.
Two witches in lime green robes ran over, Frank behind them and they took over for Vera, pushing her away as they levitated Alice away from the others to an empty room- likely needing space to work on her.
Frank and Vera just stared at each other, seeing Alice’s blood covering both of them and she hugged him tightly.
“She’ll be okay” she whispered and Frank’s shoulders shook though no tears fell.
“I told her not to go back but-”
“Alice would never leave someone behind.”
“That’s why I love her” he said helplessly and Vera urged him to take a seat and breathe because he was near hyperventilating at this point and then he’d need treatment too. She offered him a Calming draught and he accepted gratefully.
She went around to others, helping those with minor injuries and handing healing potions to medi witches to administer as that was about the extent of her knowledge until the others showed up in the room and she immediately went to them, feeling relief wash over her in a wave.
James saw her and his face dropped as did everyone else’s with him and she slowed down, confused.
He rushed over, “What happened?” he panicked, looking ready to jump to action.
She belatedly realized she was covered in blood.
“No no I’m fine. I just came by to drop off some potions and saw Alice. They took her to another room. Frank told me what happened.” She looked at Lily then, “He’s just sat over there waiting for her.”
Lily thanked her and rushed over there to wait in solidarity with him.
Sirius just shook his head, running a hand through his long hair, “Gods it was horrible. No one inside even realized until the roof was already caving in.”
“Did everyone…” she trailed off, not wanting to say it.
“Yeah everyone made it out” James said and she loosed out a relieved breath. “Where’s the muggle now?” she asked.
“Mad-eye took him somewhere else to interrogate him though I doubt he’s got anything. Yaxley’s still alive so we have no way of helping him till then” Sirius informed her.
She nodded, processing it all. “You’re all okay though?”
“Bones broke an arm and Gideon got hit with an acid curse so he went straight to St. Mungo’s.”
“Are you coming home then?”
“No, we have to stay back, talk to Dumbledore” James said sympathetically, “Go home, get cleaned up, we’ll be back soon,” a hand on her shoulder.
She knew she was being pushed away. She knew he meant well but it was hard to feel that way when she was constantly being put down, moved to another spot until they could deal with her. She just wished they all saw her as an equal, especially now.
She went home annoyed and changed.
Frank sent her a letter some time later letting her know that Alice had lost a lot of blood but she was relatively stable. However, there was no telling what the long-term consequences were until she woke up.
This was sure to hurt the Order. Alice was one of their most skilled fighters even if she may not look it. Alice was fierce and had incredible endurance and was able to keep a cool head, even in the midst of a battle. No one ever wanted to duel her because it was a sure defeat.
Then Vera did something she didn’t do often.
She went out to the shed and took out her broom.
She couldn’t remember the last time she went flying. It must have been sometime during seventh year but that felt like a lifetime ago. She never joined the Quidditch team or anything like that but she loved to fly, to feel the wind blow through her hair, the feeling of euphoria as she whipped through the air unbounded. The sense of precariousness exhilarated her.
She did a quick scourgify of it, getting rid of the cobwebs the spiders worked so hard on and kicked off in an instant, leaving it all behind.
There was so much she could be doing right now: brewing potions, practicing magic from the books she was given, responding to the owl Bellatrix sent demanding her presence soon, gleaning information from Snape and/or Regulus, even updating Dumbledore on her progress.
But for now she wanted to do this one thing for herself.
There were storm clouds hanging low in the sky foretelling a harsh autumn and subsequent winter was on the horizon. The air was dense with mist and Vera continued to climb higher until she was among them, feeling like a cloud herself.
She leaned back on the broom then, gripping it tighter with her thighs and she held an arm out, letting her fingers trail through the sky. The air up here was colder and she could feel her fingertips going numb but it didn’t bother her in the slightest.
The lands around the manor were as familiar to her as the palm of her hand but she continued to go out, farther, not worrying about where she was going or when she would return.
She saw a bird racing her to her right and she let loose a laugh. It felt good so she continued, laughing about it all because if she didn’t, she would just start crying and she wasn’t sure if she’d stop.
The bird seemed to have found something more interesting and ducked down, leaving her alone once more.
She went on for what seemed like hours and only decided to land when her robes were sopping wet and dragging her down.
She landed in a small clearing in the forest. She came to this area sometimes to harvest magical ingredients that grew best in the while but those trips were few and far between, knowing how dangerous the area was recently, magical creatures roaming freely.
She took off her outer cloak and dried her robes somewhat, attempting to lighten the weight and it helped minimally. She took a short walk, abandoning her broom by a tree, tired after sitting for so long.
The dark trees seemed to reach the skies as she walked under them, their branches growing towards each other as if they were all embracing each other. It began to rain harder but the layers of brush overhead shielded her slightly so by the time the rain reached her, it was just a drizzle.
The moss covering the ground cushioned her steps and it was silent.
She took a pause upon realizing just how quiet it was.
It was unusual and the air felt charged rather than neutral like even the air particles froze in trepidation. It reminded her of the feeling when walking through the edges of a ward, the air just slightly different in pressure.
She spun slowly in place but saw nothing. She retraced her steps back to her broom but just before breaking the tree line, she saw a group of three men gathered around the broom.
The largest of the three had his back towards her but he was a tall and burly man and he bent down to pick up the broom and brought it up to his nose. He took a deep inhale then let out a breath as he relished the scent. He turned to the side to speak to one of the men with him and she saw the thick dark hair that covered his cheek and neck.
She recognized him instantly- Greyback. She didn’t recognize the two men with him as they were also turned away from her but they were clearly death eaters if they associated with the likes of him. The men separated then, clearly wanting to find the owner of said broom.
Greyback didn’t move, however, he just turned around and Vera instantly cast a disillusionment as she pressed herself against the tree, willing herself to blend in.
His nose twitched as he took slow steps towards her, his feet dragging along the ground.
She took slow steps backwards but he just continued to follow her scent.
Escape was really the only option and so she just made a mad dash towards her broom, branches cracked under her feet and she whipped branches out of the way. It was so utterly stupid.
Greyback jumped to the chase and just as she got her hands on the broom, he grabbed her leg and dragged her off it. She began kicking in earnest, launching an invisible assault against Greyback who only tightened his hold on her calf and grunted as he tried to dodge.
“Oi I’ve got her” Greyback shouted and one of the men came running back.
“Where?” he asked dumbly, looking around.
“Under disillusionment, end it” he commanded and the man obliged.
Vera saw herself materialize and watched in horror as Greyback smiled at her.
“Aren’t you a pretty one?” he cooed, lifting a hand up to her face and dragging a finger along her cheek.
“Let me go” she heaved, kicking again.
He pinned both her legs down and leaned in close, “Make me.”
“Give me a chance with her after you, yeah?” the man jeered, cruel promise lingering in his eyes.
The werewolf above her boomed with laughter before trailing one clawed finger along her collarbone. The grass under her was wet and the coldness seeped into the back of her robes and mud splattered on the side of her cheek as she turned her head away from him.
His hot breath fanned her cheek and he inhaled deeply once again. Then she felt a sharp pain tinge her neck and Greyback looked positively aroused- pupils dilated as he inhaled deeply again.
Nonono. Please no.
Her neck was warm and she realized that he had cut her with his sharp claws. He did it again on her collarbone and she cried out in pain.
Tears flowed freely down her cheeks, burning on their way down. She hated it, loathed that she crumpled in front of him, so powerless but the promise of death in the sharp claws that suddenly caressed her paralyzed her.
There was a loud crack and the finger that was currently making its way down the neck of her robes froze and she cracked an eye open.
His hairy face was frozen in a smirk. It was horrifying, as if she’d been locked in this moment forever, forced to relive the moment she was under him for an eternity. His eyes held no warmth, no emotion, they were wholly black and unforgiving.
Another crack and all that was above her now was a dark sheet of slate grey stretching endlessly. She was in that sky just an hour ago. It had all gone to shite so quickly.
“What’d you do that for?” a man yelled.
“The dark lord wouldn’t appreciate you harming our newest member” the man sighed as if talking to a toddler that stole another child’s toy. “Take him back” the voice commanded and she heard grumbling.
The body beside her rustled in her peripheral and then the dark mass was gone.
She turned her head to the side, letting the previously uncomfortable wet grass cool her skin. She just laid there mutely, staring at each blade of grass lightly bent under the weight of rain droplets.
A pair of polished black boots stopped in front of her and then suddenly, the face of Regulus appeared.
His eyebrows were furrowed in concern casting his grey eyes in darkness. His eyes were twin to the sky, as if he borrowed the color. His mouth was in a deep frown.
His mouth moved as he spoke but Vera didn’t hear him. Couldn't hear anything besides the light sound the rain made as it connected with the Earth.
She was distantly grateful for his presence, for helping her, but she couldn't find her voice to thank him. Ever so slowly, she brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, laying in a fetal position as the rain began to fall in earnest. It was bone cold outside but there she remained, unmoving as her hands went numb. She could feel the warmth of the wounds seep down her side but made no move to heal it.
Regulus placed a hand on her shoulder and she flinched violently and he immediately retreated, seemingly deep in thought about how to proceed.
Vera just shut her eyes and drew inwards, sitting on the shore of that small island, watching the calm waters around her. Here she was alone, no one could hurt her here.