You're As Fucked Up As Me, So How Do We Win?
It was two weeks before graduation when her sister finally spoke to her.
This was not to say that Cissy had gone all of this time not saying a single word to her; even if she had been really, really pissed, she wasn’t sure Cissy could resist talking to anyone, but especially to her. It was just that all of their interactions recently had been in passing, little “hello”s here and there and not much else. Her sister had not seeked her out in months, now.
And, of course, when she did so, she approached her as if nothing had happened.
“Bella?”
“Oh, so what, now you want to talk? Do you need something, is that it?”
Cissy winced, and Bellatrix decided that maybe she should tone it back a bit, seeing as she did kind of need at least one of her sisters to talk to her by the end of the year, or else Andy might actually do something stupid like run away or get herself disowned.
“No, I don’t- I just wanted to talk to you. I’ve been waiting for you not to be mad at me anymore, and Andy said I should let you come to me, but I’m concerned about-”
“Who says I’m not still mad?” What she might be mad at Cissy about, she honestly had no idea- she had, in fact, been under the impression that it was the other way around, but as she couldn’t remember what Cissy was mad at her about either, she supposed it worked just as well this way, too.
“Come on, please, Bella? I said something stupid to Andy and now she’s mad at me too, and I hate fighting with you both!”
Now, that was an interesting development.
“What did you say to Andy?”
Something that looked like triumph flashed across Cissy’s face, and she sat down in the armchair next to her, sealing Bellatrix’s fate, at least for the next few hours (once Cissy got going, it took a long time to get her to stop).
“She was going on about that mudblood of hers, and I, well, I called him a mudblood on accident, and she flipped out on me! I mean, yes, she’s asked me not to several times in the past, but there was really no need for her to get all worked up about it.”
“You’re completely right, Cissy.” Aside from being her natural, instinctual response to whatever Cissy happened to be saying at any given time, whether she had been paying attention or not (Cissy thrived off of positive reinforcement), she also fully agreed with the sentiment. Who was Andy to demand things of them while she was the one actively betraying them? Of course, she was going to come back eventually, but she was just making things worse for herself in the meantime.
“Thank you, Bella. I mean, I don’t get irrationally mad at you when you call Lucius a pompous idiot. Though you could stand to be nicer to him.” She finished off with a glare that might have been intimidating if it hadn’t been Cissy.
Bellatrix, who had no intentions of ever being nice to Lucius, ever, in her life and possibly afterwards, shrugged. Once again, Cissy was absolutely right- as sisters, they all reserved the rights to say whatever they wanted about the others’ romantic partners, especially if it was true, which both of these examples were- Ted Tonks was, in fact, a mudblood, and although Cissy would deny it vehemently if pressed, she was pretty sure even she thought Lucius was an idiot, and there was no denying that he was pompous as all hell.
(Of course, if either of them insulted Hermione- to her face or behind her back- they would be in serious trouble, but that was never going to happen, because Cissy didn’t know about Hermione at all and Andy thought she was just a fling and probably assumed they weren’t even seeing each other anymore at this point. But even if they did know, it would be entirely different, because it just was, because what she and Hermione had could never be compared to any other couple, much less Cissy and Lucius or Andy and the Tonks boy.)
“Don’t worry about it too much, Cissy. Andy’s going to get tired of her little boy toy eventually, and then she’ll think she was so silly for ever getting mad about this in the first place.”
This was, after all, why she wasn’t at all concerned about Andy being mad at her currently- all of their disagreements revolved around the mudblood, and once he was inevitably cut out of the picture, she would forget it ever happened and come running back to them.
Cissy evidently wasn’t so sure, because she, despite Bellatrix’s pretty explicit advice, immediately began to look worried.
“But- Bella, what if she doesn’t? I think she really loves him. She never would’ve gotten so mad at me if she didn’t. Andy never gets mad at me.”
“No, see, that’s where you’re wrong. Andy only thinks she loves Tonks. But she doesn’t actually- why would she? She’s above that. The very notion is ridiculous, you must know that. She’s trying to convince herself that she loves him because she wants so badly to be justified in her little rebellion, but once it stops being beneficial to her, she’ll realize she doesn’t love him at all.”
On the other hand, she knew that she did love Hermione, and would most certainly choose her over anything else that could get in their way.
“I suppose so. So- do you have any plans for tonight? I was thinking maybe….”
“Ah- sorry, Cissy. Maybe another time. I’m meeting the Dark Lord tonight.”
“Oh.” She looked crestfallen for a moment before smoothing her face over to a relatively more happy countenance, likely realizing that her meeting with the Dark Lord was something she should most definitely be excited about. “How is that going? Lucius says he wants to join along with his father, but he’s not old enough yet. Once he’s your age, though, I’m sure he’ll be doing the same thing as you.”
Oh, ew. She hadn’t ever considered that before, but it did make sense that little Lucy would want to join up with the Dark Lord, though that was more out of a desire to social climb and less out of a desire to actually do anything related to the cause, which she supposed was a blessing in disguise, because it meant he would never replace her as the Dark Lord’s right hand man.
“It’s been going very well. Once I graduate, I’m going to be able to join his ranks full-time and help the cause even further. We’re both very excited. And he says he’ll have a surprise for me once I am out of school.”
“Do you know what it is?”
“No, Cissy darling, that’s the point of a surprise. I’m sure it will be wonderful, though. I mean, look at what else he’s given me.”
“Like what?”
“Oh, you wouldn’t understand.” Only he truly did- that was why she was so certain that she was going to love whatever this surprise was. “But, speaking of, it’s time I head off- wouldn’t want to be late. See you later, Cissy.”
She got up and left before her sister could respond.
—-------------------------------------
“Bella, can we talk?”
Unlike with her sister, this was most definitely not a conversation she wanted to have, and so she did what she did best- deflected.
“Must we? Why can’t we just sit here and cuddle?” She added a pout, because she had been told she looked pretty when she did that, and then curled her lips up suggestively. “Or more than that, if you’d like.”
“No, Bella,” Hermione huffed, and, yep, definitely not wiggling her way out of that one. “Come on. Can we please have a serious conversation? We haven’t since- I told you about all of this. You’ve been avoiding me.”
“I have not. I see you every day, don’t I?”
“Yes, but it’s always ‘maybe later, dear’, or ‘sorry, I have homework’- which you never do, by the way, Bella, we’ve already taken our N.E.W.T.’s- so if we could please just sit and talk without you trying to dodge any topic I bring up? Please?”
Bellatrix took a moment to consider her options. On the one hand, there was a reason she’d been putting off any kind of ‘talk’ that Hermione wanted to have- the last time they’d done that, they’d fought, and what if that was what finally pushed her away from her? On the other hand, doing something stupid like breaking up with her for not wanting to argue with her seemed like something Hermione would do, and they were veering dangerously close into that territory.
“Okay. You can talk to me about anything.”
Instead of softening her features at that like she’d hoped she would, Hermione’s face actually hardened a bit, almost as if challenging her.
“You’re still going to meet with the Dark Lord. Yes or no.”
“I don’t see what the big deal is-”
“Bella. Are you or are you not? Because-”
“Fine, fine. I’m still meeting with him. I just saw him last night. But my point still stands. What’s the big deal? He’s helping me.”
“He’s helping- Bella, he is going to ruin your life. You’re going to go to Azkaban, you’re going to lose your sister, you’re going to do so many horrible things-”
“I am more than willing to go to Azkaban for the cause. And as for my sister, I’m sure you’re mistaken. Neither Andy or Cissy would ever leave me over something like this. They owe me too much. And-”
“What do you mean by that? You’re so sure that Andy’s going to ditch Tonks and come running back to you, but she’s not! I’m telling you, as someone who has seen the future, Bella, that she won’t! She’s going to run away with him, and she’s going to get her name burned off of your stupid family tree, and she’s going to marry him and they’re going to have a daughter, Bella-”
“Andy would never do that! I’m her sister, I’d think I know her better than you do! She knows she can’t leave us. She’s not allowed to do that to us.”
“Bella, how- what about this is so hard to understand?! I am telling you what is going to happen! How can you not see-”
“I fully understand what you’re telling me, Hermione, I’m just saying you’re wrong. This is why I didn’t want to talk about this! I knew we would end up arguing because you refuse to believe that you could be wrong-”
“Oh, so I’m the one who- you know what? Fine. Forget it. Forget about your sisters. You’re going to do so many horrible things, to so many different people-”
“If by people you mean Muggles and mudbloods, don’t bother. Why would I care about them? I’m not even sure that counts.”
Hermione’s entire face flushed scarlet, and her hair almost seemed to poof out, which would have been cute if they hadn’t been screaming at each other.
“Bellatrix, I’m muggleborn! You realize you are literally saying that it wouldn’t matter if I got hurt, that you wouldn’t care-”
“You’re different, though! You’re not like them-”
“I’m not- do you even hear yourself? My parents are Muggles, Bella. How-”
“Well, if it’s that important to you, we’ll leave your parents out of it. I’ll even make sure that they get amnesty, or whatever, if you want that. I can make sure-”
“And what about me, Bella? What if one of your crazy friends decides that because I’m a ‘mudblood’, I need to go?”
“I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you. You’re not going to get hurt, as long as you stay with-”
“I have been hurt! Already! You and your Death Eaters, and your Dark Lord, they’ve hurt me, they’ve hurt my friends-”
“But that’s different, too, because you didn’t know me then-”
Hermione grabbed her own arm suddenly, forcing the sleeve up and revealing an angry red mark. “What are you doing?”
“Look at this. Look at my arm. Do you see what this is?”
She peered closer at it- not that she had much of a choice, since Hermione was practically shoving it in her face. With a better view, she could see that the red mark was actually several letters, carved into the skin of her forearm:
Mudblood.
“What happened?”
“You. You happened. You pinned me down to the floor, and you tortured me, and you carved this into my arm, and you laughed. This is what you’re going to do if you go down this path. This is the kind of thing he’s going to make you do.”
“Well, if I was laughing, it doesn’t sound like I was forced to do much of anything.”
Hermione stared at her for a very, very long time, and Bellatrix stared back, both of them sizing the other up in silence, their heavy breaths sounding impossibly loud until they evened out, all of the sound leaving the room entirely.
Finally, Hermione said something.
“I’m- gonna go back to my dorm. I need a second to myself right now.”
“But-”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Bella.”
She grabbed her bag- she hadn’t even managed to unpack her things- and walked out of the door, closing it softly behind her.
Bellatrix would have preferred she slammed it. At least then, she would’ve been sure.