prologue
The dark walls of Regulus’ bedroom feel like they’re swallowing him, consuming him, leeching him of any happiness until all he can feel is despair and hatred. He’s become bitter and angry, at Sirius, at himself, at his parents, at the world.
He doesn’t even recognise himself anymore.
It’s not always been like this, Grimmauld Place has always felt cold and isolated but until now he’s always had his star, his Sirius, bringing warmth to the dingy hallways and sinister rooms. Even from the outside of the house there’s a sense of unease that suggests some of the pure horrors that have taken place within these very four walls. The horrors which Regulus always had protection from, that his older brother would dive in front of to keep his little brother, his Reggie safe.
But Sirius isn’t here anymore.
Regulus walks towards his bedroom door slowly reaching out to the handle and tentatively turning it, it doesn’t budge. It’s locked. He lets out a long sigh, it’s been 18 days since he’s been able to open this door himself. 18 days since Sirius left, 18 days since his brother begged him to leave too, 18 days since he stared at his brother's pale face and broken body shaking and twitching with the after effects of the cruciatus curse. He knows staying was the right thing to do, it was the only way to ensure Sirius’ safety but for once, just once in his life he wants to be selfish.
He wants to grab his trunk and run, just keep running and never look back.
Who knows where he would end up but at least it would be away from his mothers long cold fingers digging into his skin whilst she mutters curses that strip away Regulus sanity. Or his fathers hard knuckles striking his face leaving ugly purple bruises whilst he admires them as if he’s an artist and Regulus is his art. But Regulus could never be art he thinks, for that to be he would have to mean something to someone and that’s impossible, not even his own parents care enough about him and Sirius has his own family. His new family. The Potters.
Even the thought of them fills Regulus with disgust, he knows realistically Sirius had to run to someone, somewhere and that Sirius needed to trust that person with his life but James Potter. Really? He’s the most arrogant boy Regulus has ever laid his eyes on, well apart from Severus Snape, but honestly who does Potter think he is with his messy black hair and round glasses whilst he brags about quidditch and his perfect life with his perfect parents. Regulus is bitter and oh my does he hate James Potter.
The sound of sharp heels on the stairs drags Regulus out of his thoughts as he straightens his back and holds his head high, letting any signs of emotion drop from his face as he puts on a mask of disinterest.
He’s a Black after all.
He hears the sound of a key turning in his door and digs his nails into his palms praying for the slight tremor in his legs to disappear. He hasn’t seen his mother since the morning after Sirius ran away, where she tortured him for hours trying to find out any information. Once she realised Regulus knew nothing of use she turned to punishment to make sure he would never consider following Sirius down the same path. He can still feel the deep cuts along his back rubbing against his robes any time he moves, it was cruel and unforgiving but Regulus expected nothing less.
As the door opened and his room filled with light he was met with the sneering face of his mother looking down at him with nothing but hatred. Her sharp cheekbones and piercing eyes assess her only child’s appearance whilst her expression morphs into something that looks like disgust.
‘Regulus, you will head back to Hogwarts in three days. I expect nothing less than your best behaviour. You are now the heir to the Noble and Ancient House of Black and you have an image to uphold.’
Regulus could feel his heart pounding in his chest but didn’t let any of his emotions betray him, continuing to maintain eye contact with his mother attentively nodding when required to show his compliance.
‘You must not have ANY contact with your traitorous brother and his blood traitor friends, if you do I will know and there WILL be consequences. Am I understood?’
‘Yes, mother’ he muttered, praying for this conversation to be over, he just wanted to crawl back into bed, close his eyes and pretend this was all a bad dream.
But Walburga was not impressed, ‘Speak up, you insolent child and respect your elders, am I understood?’
Regulus straightened his back even further, ignoring the shooting pains travelling all the way down his spine and pushing back the instinct to flinch, he must show no weakness.
‘Yes, Mother’ he repeated but this time louder and slower, this seemed to please Walburga as she turned with a sweep of her cloak and them proceeded to lock the door to his bedroom. Three more days, a feeling of relief swept through his body. Three more days and then he’s out of this house. All he has to do is ignore Sirius, get O’s in all his classes, continue making connections with Slytherin purebloods and keep pretending that he doesn’t feel like he’s about to break into millions of pieces with no way to put himself back together.
How hard can it be?