one point perspective

now i know your name

but not who you are

it's all okay

there ain't a drop of bad blood

christmas has always been james’ favorite holiday.

from the second he wakes up, to the moment he falls asleep, it's pure magic. 

he didn't think that there could be anything better than the feeling of waking up on christmas morning. 

watching corvus black’s face as her eyes widen in surprise when they light up the christmas tree proves him entirely wrong. 

her mouth goes slack, eyes sparkling in the glow of the lights on the tree.

this is a tradition the potter household has had for as long as james can remember. they set up the tree on the first day of break, but they don't actually use the magic to light it until the day of.

james knows that the house of black doesn't do christmas trees. that's why he kept this specific piece of information from corvus. 

to watch the look on her face right now. 

it was entirely worth the secret.

“i, uh- it's gorgeous.” corvus mutters under her breath, seemingly in awe. 

“we add a new strand of lights every year.” james whispers, looking only at the girl beside him.

corvus lets out an awed breath. 

“merlin.” she says, nearly a whisper, but james hears it. of course he hears it.

and james just lights the fuck up. he wants corvus to be looking at him with those eyes right now, because he's almost sure he's shining even brighter than the tree.

movies always talk about that “the whole world fades away and it's just me and you” kind of love. sirius always says that it's bullshit. he says love like that doesn't exist in real life.

james has no doubt in his mind that sirius is wrong. because corvus black exists. because she's standing beside him on christmas day, looking at the lightened tree as if it's the most brilliant thing she's ever seen, and maybe it is. 

corvus black is james potter's movie love. corvus is james’ hallmark. 

~~~

the day goes smoothly for the most part. the entire family hangs out in the living room pretty much all day. sirius, regulus, and corvus are all getting along. he's even seen the latter two crack a few smiles.

corvus is wearing a pair of mushroom earrings that he hasn't seen her wear before and his best guess is that they're a christmas gift from pandora. 

she's also wearing a jumper he's almost certain he's seen on evan rosier, but he tries not to think about that too much, because every time he does, it makes him see red. 

he knows he really shouldn't be. he knows they've been making this whole thing entirely too obvious the entire break. but he can't help himself. corvus is undeniably beautiful.

she's sitting on the couch with her arms crossed and a focused look on her face. she's wearing a plain black hoodie with the strings tied into a small knot and flannel pajama pants he's certain his mum bought for her.

she just seems so content. so… normal. 

it's become something that james always makes a point to take notice of. picking apart all the little details that make corvus who she is. taping them up on poster boards matched with notes in the margins.

he loves seeing her look so at peace. he cherishes the moments where you can't see the weight of her family or the war on her shoulders. when you can't see her bones breaking. shattering. 

right now, it's christmas day, and they're tucked in his living room watching rudolph. and that's all that matters. 

~~~

corvus has never spent a christmas in pajamas until now. it's… odd. unnatural. 

typically, christmas day in the black household is a formal occasion. 

they put on their best clothes and they shut their fucking mouths. don't speak unless spoken to. and even then, keep it concise. 

it's different here. it's weird. in a way that's kind of nice. 

she doesn't have to worry about her posture or how her hair looks or if her room is clean enough in case one of her relatives goes snooping. she's calm. at peace. 

it's something she doesn't think she'll ever get used to about this house. the fact that there's no pressure. no expectations. 

just parents loving their kids. that's all. 

just family celebrating a holiday. that's all. 

no fancy clothes. no formal dinner. no political discussion. 

just pajamas and pie and hallmark. 

it's almost alarming. 

it's almost soothing.

but it's not quite either. it's something in the middle. it's the in between. after all, corvus has always been destined to live in the in between. 

~~~

going back to hogwarts is something corvus has been dreading since before they ever left. she knows what comes with coming back. 

the truth is, hogwarts has never felt like home to her the way she knows it has for her twin brother. it's a prison. this place that she's shoved into without belonging anywhere.

she doesn't align enough with the dark lord to really belong with her friends. but she's not against him enough to belong to sirius. she's a disgrace to every house. every group of students. everyone. 

going back to hogwarts forces her to accept the reality of that. at the potters, she can pretend that it doesn't exist. that she's not just some anomaly that doesn't fit on either side of the equation. 

she gets on the train, and something is immediately wrong. it sits there in the air. the tension. like a ton of bricks resting on corvus black’s chest.

and that's when she sees them. evan rosier and barty crouch junior. it's in their eyes. their eyes that she never used to get tired of looking at.

standing there in the train compartment,  she doesn't recognize either of them anymore. all the life is gone from evan rosier and barty crouch jr's eyes. how ironic. the two people full of the most life corvus has ever seen, suddenly lifeless.

their eyes are gray instead of blue. they're piercing instead of calming. they feel like blades and not gentle waves washing against the shore.

they did it. they have the mark. 

it's the only logical reasoning for us can come up with. she knows that both the boys’ parents have been pushing them to get the mark since last summer. 

she just thought she had more time until the dark lord accepted them. thought she had more time for them to be hers. just a little bit longer, can they still be hers?

she doesn't know why it comes to her head that way. they never really were hers to begin with. they were each others.

corvus doesn't think it would've made much of a difference if sirius black didn't have a twin sister in slytherin to make friends with barty and evan. she thinks they would be generally the same. 

in truth, corvus is highly aware of the fact that no one in her life belongs to her. and she doesn't belong to anyone either. she's not the kind of person worth wanting, she knows that. 

it still hurts. because before, she could pretend. pretend that they cared. pretend that they were her. that she was theirs. 

now, any hope of any of that is shattered. it's pieces of broken glass scattered across the floor, potions ingredients flooding the ground where they lay. 

she just hopes she's able to put them back together.

she doesn't want to hate evan and barty. she knows they don't want this. she has to know that. or believe it at the very least. 

even though they were never truly hers at all, she wanted them to be. oh, how she wanted them to be.

corvus let's out a deep breath, moving over to the two boys and wrapping them both in her arms, burying her head between them.

“i'm sorry. i'm so so sorry.” she whispers, voice crackling in her throat.

both of the boys throw away the stone cold facade almost immediately, wrapping their arms around corvus and holding her tightly against them. 

“we missed you, cor.” evan mutters, voice more fragile and weaker than she's heard it in a very long time. 

it reminds her of the time her and evan were eight years old and his father came to get him from their house. 

it's scared and young and full of doubt.

and he's still trying to reassure her. he's still trying to take the attention off of himself. always trying to be swallowed whole.

“i missed you too, ev.”

and for the first time in corvus black’s entire life, she can't tell if she's lying or not.