one point perspective

different roads, but we stayed the same

found a light that never fades

you gave me hope on the darkest days

corvus black is going to murder james potter.

“ugh.” corvus groans, looking herself over in the mirror another time.

“okay, actually, what is going on, cae?” dorcas laughs teasingly, walking into the bathroom. “oh my god. is that a fucking hickey?”

“no.” corvus snaps all too quickly, pulling up the collar of her shirt, though it doesn't cover the already dark purple bruise at the top of her neck. 

“what is it then? run into a doorway?” dorcas smirks, and corvus can't help but be convinced she's just a little bit evil for enjoying this so much. 

“what? it happens to the best of us.” corvus argues halfheartedly, her voice higher than usual.

dorcas raises an eyebrow, staring at her in complete silence until corvus can't take it anymore. 

“fine. it's a fucking hickey.” she grumbles out, pulling down the collar of her uniform shirt and inspecting the mark once again.

“and just who is the mystery person who gave our young corvus a hickey?” 

“cas, i'm literally older than you.” corvus reminds, leaning against the wall of the bathroom and groaning. “could i just skip classes today?”

“no.” dorcas informs bluntly. “now answer my question.”

“no.” corvus responds in the same tone as dorcas. 

“yeah, i probably had that coming.” 

corvus doesn't have to look up to know who plants themself across from her in the library.

sirius black has always been loud. big. even when he's not saying anything. his presence alone takes up more space than corvus thinks she ever could. than she's ever been comfortable with.

she lets her hand casually go to her neck without looking up, covering the large purple bruise decorating it.

“did you guys have fun last night?” sirius asks, voice more apprehensive than she thinks she's ever heard it. “i noticed you slipped out about halfway. was it too much?”

corvus looks up from her book, locking eyes with sirius, who suddenly looks smaller than ever. 

“it was fun, siri.” she assures sincerely. “just needed some air for a bit.”

sirius relaxes slightly, letting out a breath of air. 

“you and james seemed to hit it off.” 

corvus feels her body freeze, tensing very briefly before she forces herself to relax.

“i guess. we didn't really talk much.” corvus’ eyes are back on her book, willing her words not to sound as forced as they feel in her throat. 

“i saw him go out and check on you.” sirius reaches out, resting his index finger on the back of corvus’ hand. a question. “i'm happy you guys get along, cor.”

there's something more to his voice. something deeper. a sort of understanding. knowing.

corvus feels her mouth start to become dry. her mind is racing.

“i-” 

“sirius!” pettigrew comes tumbling into the seat beside sirius, wrapping his arm around his shoulders before corvus can finish her thought.

“what's up, mate?” sirius smiles at the blonde haired boy, ignoring the sharp looks they have gained from those in the library around them.

corvus gets up and leaves before she can hear anything else.

james lights up the second corvus steps into their cabin, putting down the book he's reading and turning his attention to her.

“he knows.” 

“what?” james inquires, looking utterly confused. corvus has the desperate and betraying urge to kiss it off of him.

“sirius knows about us.” she informs coldly instead, not moving further into the cabin.

“wha- how- why would you think that?” james stutters, standing up from where he was sitting on the window sill. 

“this is done.” corvus forces out, the words tasting like ash in her mouth. she knows she's being cold. this was her goal here. “whatever this was, it's over.”

“i- what do you- corvus, i don't- i don't understand. why- why is this happening? what happened?” james’ face is full of confusion muddled with heartbreak.

that's the difference between corvus and james. corvus’ heart can be shattered to pieces and nobody would know the difference. james shows it all on his face. it's impossible not to notice.

“sirius knows. i can't do this. not anymore.” 

corvus turns to leave, and james springs forward, a desperation in his movements.

“corvus. please. just- we can work this out. i- i don't understand why this has to be the end.” james’ voice is pleading, and it cuts into corvus like broken glass.

“james, please. just let me go.” corvus begs, some of the brokenness seeping through. 

bleeding out of her like a broken dam that she just can't seem to fix.

but oh, how badly she wants to.

“no.” james insists firmly. “corvus, i- i'm not letting you go. i'm not letting this end. this isn't over. i- corvus, i have never begged for anything, but i will beg for you. i'm begging for you. please- just- don't let this be the end. please.”

“i'm going to destroy you.” corvus whispers, stepping ever so slightly closer to james. caving. always caving for james potter.

“i don't care.” james replies just as quietly, reaching his arms out and pulling corvus into him. 

“i'm warning you now, james.” 

“i don't care.” james repeats, pressing gentle kisses to the base of corvus’ neck.

“you should.” 

“i don't care.”

corvus black has officially screwed herself over with james potter. 

she knows that.

but it's hard to care when she's like this. 

wrapped in james’ arms like she's the only thing that matters. like she's the only thing he wants to hold on to. 

“you okay, jamie?” corvus asks, turning her head in james' arms to face him.

“yeah, i'm fine.” he smiles, strained at the edges. corvus wants nothing more than to smooth it out.

“no, you're not.” she argues, sitting up to look more clearly at the brown skinned boy. 

james goes quiet for a moment, looking suddenly stunned. 

“nobody usually notices.” he says simply. 

“you don't have to be happy all the time, james.” corvus assures, running her hand gently through his curls.

“everyone expects me to be.” james states. as if it is a simple fact of the universe.

“i don't.” corvus informs bluntly. “be sad. cry. i don't care. i'll hold you through it, jamie. you don't have to be happy all the time. not when you're with me. never when you're with me.”

james smiles again, this time more sincere, as he pulls corvus back into him. 

“i love you.” 

he says it so quietly that corvus is almost convinced she imagined it. 

“i mean- i didn't- i don't know why i said that.” james stutters after corvus reels back, a shocked expression on her face. “it just- it kinda came out.” 

a silence passes between the two of them, james’ face entirely too fearful for corvus’ liking.

there's nothing to be afraid of. she wants to tell him. i have loved you since i understood what it is to love.

which doesn't make sense to her, because she's always hated james potter. 

maybe hate and love aren't so different after all.

“it's true. i've thought it for a while. i just- i don't know. that's not the way i was planning on it to come out.” 

“how were you planning on it to come out?” corvus whispers, her heart feeling all too big for her chest at the moment. she wants to run. she wants to fly. 

“i- i don't know. something big and romantic. not all 'spur of the moment’ and lame.” 

“really? cause i've always pictured you as a ‘spur of the moment’ type of guy.” corvus teases, playing with the hair at the base of his neck.

“oh, shove off.” james laughs, and corvus feels herself light up. james’ light is infectious.

“je t’aime.” she whispers, leaning her forehead against james’. “je t’aime plus que moi-même.”

a breath punches itself out of james’ chest as he presses a fierce kiss to corvus’ lips. 

“english.” he requests once they break away, voice a whisper.

“i love you.” she whispers back into the shell of his ear, barely audible. 

james pulls her back to his lips, kissing her once more. 

“i love you. i love you. i love you.” he chants like a prayer, pressing his forehead against hers.

corvus wants to drink him in. she wants him to engrave himself in her skin. 

“i've never known home before you.” she says instead, running her hands along his arms and keeping their foreheads firmly pressed together. “everything was so fucking cold before you. so dark. you feel like sunshine. you feel like home.”

“i love you. i love you. i love you.” james repeats, eyes closed, a blissful, overwhelmed expression painting his features. she doesn't think she's ever seen james overwhelmed before now.

“you mentioned.” corvus teases, also closing her eyes.

“i'll keep saying it. keep saying it until it feels like enough.” james is breathless, face painted with bliss. “it'll never be enough.”

“i'm okay with that.”

“i love you. i love you. i love you.”

ours. ours. ours.