one point perspective

pouring out my heart to a stranger

but i didn't pour the whiskey

i just wanted you to know

that this is me trying

james thinks he's starting to become a little obsessed with corvus black.

he tends to think about her a lot recently. 

he's also found out a lot about her.

like how she seems happiest when she's looking at the stars. or talking about her friends. and her favorite constellation is leo.

that she likes cauldron cakes more than anything at honeydukes but she always buys chocolate frogs because they're evan’s favorite.

that she doesn't know how to swim, but she likes admiring the water anyway, and that her favorite color is actually blue, not green, and that she named her owl maverick because when she would go to her older cousin’s house, she would read old muggle books about navy pilots and that was one of the names in one of them.

he's found out that she never believed what her parents did. that her favorite of her three older cousins was always narcissa, but she spent the most time with andromeda up until she got banished. 

and he's discovered that she can be soft. she can be kind and gentle and completely opposite to what he's sure so many other people see her as. in their cabin, she lets her guard down. she lets him touch, and look, and talk, and be. 

it's consumed him a little, if he's honest. he feels like he knows so much and so little at the same time. feels like no matter how much he knows, it will never be enough. 

james thinks he could be able to map out every inch of corvus black from memory, and he would still yearn for more.

his friends have noticed.

“prongsie.” sirius announces, clapping his hands in james' face. 

it's becoming a rather frequent occurrence. james thinks about corvus so much that he just blocks everything else out.

“hey. sorry.” james blinks, shaking his head to help compose himself.

“what's going on with you lately?” peter questions, both eyebrows raised.

“have you noticed your sister has a scar on her cheek?” james turns to face sirius, as if that answers the question.

“i-” sirius starts, looking utterly confused. “yeah. i guess? we’ve plenty of scars. the lot of us. i've never noticed that particular one before so she must've gotten it recently, i guess.” sirius informs, voice laced with confusion.

james frowns, wracking his brain for all the ways she could have received that scar. 

“why are you getting lost in thought about my sister’s scars?” sirius asks suspiciously, leaning over from where he's sitting to look at james better.

“i'm not.” he is.

“he is.” remus says, leaning his head in his hand and ignoring his plate of food. he doesn't tend to have much of an appetite for a couple days after the full moon. james hates it.

“asshole.” james mutters under his breath, but remus just smiles innocently back at him. he turns back to sirius. “she's intriguing.”

“not really.” sirius frowns defensively. “stop thinking about my sister.”

“she lives in my house . that's hard to ignore.” james argues. “and don't you want us to have some sort of relationship? i mean, she's your sister, and i'm your best mate. really, we should all have some kind of relationship with the both of your siblings.”

“he’s got a point.” peter agrees, shrugging. “you should invite them over for the next house party.” 

“no.” sirius huffs, crossing his arms over his chest.

“why not?” remus asks, smiling fondly at the boy.

“don't wanna.” he grumbles.

“you scared we're gonna like your brother and sister more than you, pads?” peter teases good-naturedly. “never gonna happen. but i do want to meet them again. i haven't so much as interacted with either of them since second year.”

it's silent for a moment, sirius clearly contemplating this idea while the other three stare at him expectantly. 

“fine.” sirius finally agrees. “it would be nice for you guys to all get along.”

maybe james’ obsession with corvus black isn't such a bad thing after all.

~~~

“you have a new scar.” barty points out abruptly, pushing corvus’ hair out of her face to examine it better.

“corvus, what happened?” pandora asks gently as barty runs his finger along the scar.

“how have we just noticed?” dorcas asks, also coming closer to corvus to take a look at the jagged line across her cheek.

“i've been covering it up.” corvus comments quickly, shoving her books to the side and breaking away from barty’s grasp. “look, it's not a big deal.”

“of course it's a big deal.” evan argues, voice soft. “how'd you get it?”

“cruciatus.” regulus informs easily from where he's sitting at the end of his own bed reading a book.

“cae-” dorcas starts, but corvus pulls herself out of bed before she can continue.

“it's fine.” she looks over at regulus, still reading his book and looking completely unbothered. “thanks for the so very gentle way of informing them, reg. it's greatly appreciated.”

regulus just salutes her noncommittally, not looking up from his book. it's atlas of celestial anomalies . corvus have it to him for his birthday last year. he's read it probably about six times already. 

“corvus, what happened? ” evan pushes, also standing up from his bed. 

“leave it.” corvus bites, grabbing her wand and walking out of the slytherin boys’ dorm. 

corvus lets out a breath as she leans against one of the walls in the courtyard, resting her head against it and closing her eyes.

“you alright?” she snaps her eyes back open, revealing her older brother staring down at her.

“fine.” corvus grumbles, pulling her knees up to her chest.

“what's up?” sirius asks, sitting down next to her without asking.

circus sighs, resting her chin on her knees as she catches sight of sirius’ friends standing a little ways away. they're all seemingly trying to act casual, leaning against a tree and failing at it miserably.

pettigrew is staring at the two of them nervously, as if one of them is a ticking time bomb and they'll both blow up together.

lupin looks exasperated with both of them, twirling his wand lazily in his hand, similarly to how regulus does when he's disinterested in something.

james, well, he looks infuriating. the sun is shining on him, which never bodes well for corvus. he doesn't break his eyes away from sirius and corvus the entire time, gaze intent on the two of them. it makes corvus feel flustered and annoyed at once.

“just my friends asking questions i don't feel like answering.” corvus informs blandly, knocking her head back against the brick.

“what questions?” sirius questions, his voice soft like it used to be when talking to his siblings.

corvus looks over at her brother, the ghost of a smile on her face.

“well, it used to be how i ended up at james potter’s house, but after a couple days of refusing to answer that one, they switched it.”

sirius lets out a quiet huff of laughter.

“what's the question now?”

corvus doesn't answer, instead, just traces her finger over the scar right below her right eye.

“oh.” sirius breathes out, deflating back against the wall.

silence passes between them, the silent question searing into the air between them.

“the night you left.” corvus informs, not turning to look at sirius, just staring straight ahead.

“right.” sirius mumbles, voice sounding strained.

corvus wants to fix it. wants to tell him it's okay. that it's not his fault. that there's nothing he could have done. 

but she can't. 

because it isn't true.

“tell me.” sirius says suddenly, taking a large breath and leaning forward. 

“huh?” corvus asks, turning to face him. 

“tell me how it happened.” he swallows, squinting his eyes closed before opening them again. “i wanna know.”

“you sure?” corvus checks. just to make sure. 

sirius nods, his eyes closed.

“it was the night you left.” corvus starts, sighing and turning her body so she's staring at the tree sirius’ friends are standing at. so she's staring at james. “you had just slammed the door shut. mother was livid. kept screaming and yelling even after you were already out the door. i was in, shock? i guess? i was just kind of standing there. reg too. he was holding my hand. squeezing it like you would come back if he did it hard enough.”

sirius winces, and corvus thinks part of her might feel guilty.

“she turned that into a thing too. said that we were acting like children. i snapped at that. told her maybe it's because she acts like one herself and we don't exactly have a prime example of adults in our life.” corvus laughs humorlessly. “she didn't like that. asked me what i thought about you leaving. i wouldn't answer, so she used legilimens. i wasn't expecting it. wasn't exactly in the best shape to fight it. saw somewhere in there that i still talked to you at school for a while after she told me to not associate with you.”

sirius opens his eyes. they look wet and shiny. he looks like a wreck, quite frankly. 

there's something in being so openly honest with sirius. something that they always used to be when they were kids, and they've lost somewhere along the way. it's refreshing. in a weird, damaged kind of way. 

it's progress.

it's healing.

“used the cruciatus. five minutes straight. reg was crying. begging her to stop, but she wouldn't. she never does.” sirius nods, and corvus looks over just in time to see him wipe away a tear as it falls from his eye. “pressed her wand to my face as she was doing it. slid it down.” corvus motions with her finger, dragging it down along the scar as if it's the wand. “can probably assume the rest after that.”

sirius rests his head in his hands, sniffling slightly. corvus sees lupin move forward, but james just extends his arm, holding him back and saying something to the taller boy.

“i- i didn't think that she would- i didn't know that would happen, corvus, i swear i-” corvus shakes her head, smiling weakly.

“you didn't do anything wrong, sirius.” corvus says, and the weight of that hits her like the entire hogwarts express.

corvus knows it's true. deep down, she's always known it's true. he didn't have a choice. he didn't do anything wrong. he did the right thing.

she's just never said it out loud before. not to regulus. not to barty. not to dorcas. not even to herself.

“i'm sorry, corvus.” sirius says, tears subsiding in his eyes.

“i know.” 

it's progress. 

it's healing.

“why were you over here anyway?” corvus asks once they've both had a moment to calm down and sirius still doesn't leave.

“oh. yeah, well, obviously you guys can say no if you don't want to. but the guys were kind of wanting to meet you. again.” sirius stumbles, suddenly talking fast and anxiously. “they were talking about inviting you and reg to the next gryffindor house common room party. again, you don't have to go. and you could ask your friends to come too, if you want. but, they wanted you there.”

corvus lets that set in, staring into sirius’ nervous gray eyes. 

“do you want us there?” another lapse of silence, sirius’ eyes going soft as he messes up his hair. 

“yeah. i do, yeah.” 

“then i'll be there.”

it's progress.

it's healing.