one point perspective

secrets i have held in my heart

are harder to hide than i thought

maybe i just wanna be yours

corvus doesn't know why she likes being around james potter. 

she likes to believe it's spite.

that the only reason she's interested in him at all is to spite sirius. to spite her parents. 

but if that were the case, she thinks she would be broadcasting her interest in james potter to the entire school. and she isn't.

she keeps james in private. in their cabin. 

she actually doesn't want sirius to know. he'd probably freak out if he did. 

james has always been his. and corvus knows that. knows that james isn't entirely hers. 

but when they're in the privacy of their own cabin, she gets all of james potter.

james potter becomes hers. even just for a second

and as pathetic as it is, she thinks she's okay with taking it where she can get it. thinks that just might be enough for her.

“let's go.” james says suddenly, causing corvus to look up from the book she's reading at the window seat.

“where?” corvus asks, but she dutifully marks her place and puts her book down as she stands up, ready to follow him wherever he may go.

“the creek.” he informs, grabbing his jacket and tossing it over his arm.

it's getting colder out. it's around mid november. they've been in school a little over a month. been going to their cabin a little over a month.

“do you even know where that is?” she asks, not bothering to grab a jacket, given the fact that she didn't bring one and never does, before following him outside.

“i'm pretty familiar with this forest.” james informs easily, corvus walking alongside him. 

james nudges her arm and she turns to him. this is when she realizes that james didn't bring the jacket for himself, but for her.

“james-” she starts, but he just nudges the jacket further toward her, so she takes it.

it's not a winter jacket, so it's not super heavy, but it still warms her almost immediately.

it feels like james. she doesn't know how to describe that, but it does.

“gorgeous.” james blurts out, wrapping his arm around corvus’ shoulders and pulling her close to him.

she doesn't pull away. just focused the warmth he creates around her. 

she thinks she's starting to get used to the warmth.

“it's just a jacket, potter.” corvus rolls her eyes, though her entire being is soft and warm and fond.

“beautiful.” james says, ignoring her comment as he presses a kiss to her forehead.

“stunning.” another kiss.

“ethereal.” kiss.

“that's enough.” corvus swats at james, laughing fondly all the while. 

“there's not enough in the english language for you, my love.” james insists, his voice infuriatingly sincere.

corvus feels herself go rigid. heart stuttering in her chest far too much for her liking.

“come on, we're here.” james says, removing his arm from its place around her shoulder and jogging over to the creek.

he starts by kicking his shoes off as he removes his shirt at the same time.

“do not tell me you're gonna go in there.” corvus groans, intentionally diverting her gaze to the crystal clear water in an attempt to not outright stare at james’ bare chest.

“we're going in there, love.” james says, grabbing corvus’ hand and guiding her closer to the creek.

“i can't swim.” she informs blandly, pausing james in his place.

“really?” he asks curiously, eyes wide.

“none of us can.” corvus confirms, letting go of james’ hand and sitting on the edge of the creek, close to the water. “our parents were more focused on teaching us that muggleborns were bad and to marry our cousins than things like swimming.”

“that's,” james pauses, choosing his next words as he sits down next to her. “disconcerting.” corvus huffs a sarcastic laugh. “i could teach you.”

“i don't wanna learn.” corvus admits, picking at the grass where she sits. “barty and evan have offered more times than i can count. me and reg refuse. you ever seen sirius swim?”

“now that i think about it, i haven't.” james scrunches his nose, and all corvus can think is adorable. “well, you can just sit back and watch me then.”

james stands back up, unbuckling his belt as he strips to just his boxers, ready to lunge into the water.

“that's gonna be fucking freezing, jami-” she's cut off by the loud splash of james plunging into the water. she backs away as some of the droplets spray onto her. 

james’ head emerges from the water only a second later. he brushes his already untamed hair out of his face, wiping water away from his eyes.

“i'm gonna murder you, james potter.” corvus threatens, using her wand to dry out her robes that have gotten wet in the splash.

james just smiles, swimming up to the edge that corvus is sitting on. he stares up at her for a moment before taking her hands in his. she lets him.

the sun is starting to set, the golden rays shining onto james’ face, making his skin and eyes more golden brown then ever. 

it's like the sun was meant to shine on james potter. 

like he was created to be looked at with the sun beating down on his golden brown skin. hair and eyelashes soaked with water. 

like he was created to be looked at in general.

corvus was made to be hidden away behind shadows and darkness. james was made to be studied.  covered in light and sun.

“you're beautiful.” it comes out before she can think about it, only making james’ smile grow.

“i'm freezing.” james replies, sounding more shy than usual.

“i warned you.” a slight smile hiding at the corner of her mouth.

“i should've listened.” eyes bright and a content smile painting his features.

ours, ours, ours.

~~~

“cor?” evan says suddenly, breaking the silence they had been in for the past couple of minutes.

“what's up, ev?” corvus asks, voice soft in the way it almost always is when she's talking to evan. she doesn't know what it is, just that something about evan makes her feel the need to be soft.

“what's it like being at the potter’s house?” which, quite frankly, isn't the question she is expecting.

it's not the typical questions about how she ended up there, or what led up to it, like everyone else has been asking, and she's dutifully avoided answering. 

“it- i-” corvus stutters, completely caught off guard and out of her element here. she sighs, putting her quill down on her desk. “it's a lot.” she admits. “it's overwhelming. i'm not used to it, i guess. to what they're like. it's like someone who's been deaf their whole life. that's all they've ever known, you know? and when they get those implant things, the ones that help them hear, they're just hearing every sound possible. every sound that they haven't heard for their entire life. 

“it feels like that but with every one of my senses. like i haven't been able to feel them, not for years, not in that house, and now, all of a sudden, they're all opening up. because they can, you know? in this house, they can. and it would be nice if i could just focus on one goddamn sense. but i've been deprived of all of them for so long that they all come flooding in and i can't concentrate on any of them. like all of it’s fpushing up against my skull. begging to be let out. and when it finally explodes, all that's left of me is the shattered pieces on the floor that used to be part of something whole.”

evan just stares at her for a long moment, taking all of that in.

“i think it'll be good for you.” he says finally, which, again, is not what she is expecting. “both of you. you seem, happier. it's nice.”

corvus goes silent. all of this is catching her so off guard that she doesn't know how to process any of it. this is not what she expected from any of her friends. let alone evan. 

“does reg seem happier?” she asks quietly. like maybe it's a secret. like maybe she doesn't want to know the answer.

“does reg ever seem happy?” evan laughs, back to the evan she knows, which is both comforting and alarming all at once.

“fair point.” 

“but yeah. as far as reggie goes, yeah, i think he does seem happier.” another moment of silence, the sincerity and vulnerability of this conversation weighing on the both of them more than she thinks anything ever really has. “you did the right thing, cor.”

and oh. 

that sends something heavy tumbling down her entire being. because evanof all people, thinks that she did the right thing in running to james potter’s house. and maybe that's enough. maybe that makes her believe that it really was.