I know the end

He entered the Great hall still immersed in his thoughts and didn't notice the three young ladies sitting around the Gryffindor table until it was too late.

“Good morning Remus" they said at the same time. He winced, coming back to himself, now facing a very much alive Lily, Marlene and Mary.
“Uh… mhm…Good morning girls” Remus tried to smile even though he knew he was as pale as a sheet, he could try to act as normal as possible but couldn't help his physical reactions.

“Are you ok? Come and sit with us” Lily said and not trusting his own voice to speak Remus nodded and sat down next to Mary, who looked as good as she always had.
Marlene opened her mouth like she wanted to say something when someone behind Remus spoke.
“Good morning ladies… and Moony. Trust you to always be surrounded by girls” James joked sitting down next to Remus and patted him on the shoulder. He was secretly glad for the distraction.

“Morning Prongs, funny as always” Remus remembered there was this joke going on in seventh year around the marauders that Remus was the casanova of the Gryffindor tower and that every girl and boy secretly wanted to date him.

Remus never believed it, but perhaps it was because he had been too busy being in love with Sirius during their fifth and half of the sixth year.
And when he realized nothing would ever happen between them, he spent the other half dating a Ravenclaw girl of their same year, awkwardly breaking up with her during the last week of the term.

“Where's Peter?” Remus asked, the two of them shared Herbology, which was the first lesson of the morning.
“He had just woken up when i left the tower, don't think he’ll make it to breakfast” James responded while starting to fill his plate.
“Poor Pete! He loves breakfast, you're a shitty dorm mate! You could've woken him up” Mary said and James dramatically put his hand on his own chest “You're hurting my feelings here McDonald, and indeed I'm the p-e-r-f-e-c-t roommate, Moony here can confirm, right Moony?”
“Mhm? Yeah right.” Remus tried to save himself, he wasn't really paying attention to the conversation.

He wanted to see Peter before the beginning of today's classes so he would have been able to focus on the lesson, but it seems like he would have to face him in class. Remus didn't really remember much of his herbology newt, just that he didn't even want to take it, and he did it just because Peter didn't want to be left alone and James and Sirius couldn't be bothered to take it.

“Always better than Pete who goes in and out of the bathroom during the night, waking everyone up, and… and Black who can't let anyone study in peace” Remus continued stumbling on Sirius's name, hoping it wasn't so evident.

•••

The lesson had almost started when Peter hurried inside and sat next to Remus.
Remus stretched a sandwich along the desk, knowing Peter would've been really hungry and consequently really annoying for the whole morning if he didn't eat something.

He had been torn between whether or not to prepare him something, but then realized that if he was not ready to act like a real friend with Peter, how was he even supposed to stop him from betraying everyone in the future? Plus this Peter still hadn't done anything wrong and there was no point in punishing him, so he quickly prepared him a sandwich and got out of the great hall.

“Oh Merlin, thanks, I love you Moony”
When he heard his voice Remus felt a strange sequence of emotions, at first rage towards the boy who had basically ruined his life, then he looked at him in the face and he got hit by a wave of affection for the young and clumsy Pete who was always scared to be left out. Remus thought it was weird how you think you should act towards someone who hurt you and how you really end up being.

“No problem” he half smiled while Peter started to eat his breakfast as fast as possible, and soon enough the lesson began so he tried to not get trapped in his own trail of thoughts.

•••

The first few days went on quite fast and, at the end of his second day back it could be said that Remus had met again all of his friends, with just one exemption, one person he avoided the entire time. Not quite ready for the guilt that would inevitably rise in him once he saw Sirius.

His biggest regret. Sirius, that Remus already hadn't seen for days before the Godric’s Hollow night, with whom he spent the last few months before that arguing and screaming, snapping at each other at every little thing, especially Remus. Both full of rage for the cards they had been dealt.
Sirius who had been unfairly imprisoned and who died trying to escape from Azkaban in 1991.

Remus still remembers the day he found out that Sirius died, when he still thought that Sirius was the one who betrayed James and Lily. And he remembers thinking that he deserved the dementor's kiss for what he did.

And how could have Remus believed that Sirius was capable of betraying his best friend? His brother, the person Sirius had served as best man for his wedding and as the godfather of his son.
Not trusting him was something Remus would never forgive himself for, because only 3 years had passed when he found out that Peter was alive after all, and that it was Peter who in fact, betrayed his friends without a second thought.

With this being said Remus was definitely trying to delay this encounter for as long as he could, avoiding Sirius in class, sneaking out the minute the teacher dismissed them so Sirius wouldn't have the chance to talk to him, and spending his lunch and dinner time in the library, staying until he was kicked out by an annoyed Madam Pince.
Though the last thing had a double purpose, the first, obviously, was to avoid Sirius and the second was to start searching about his condition, to see if other people had experienced the same thing.

So when Remus got back into the Gryffindor tower he didn't expect to find anyone else awake and he tried to sneak into the dorm room as quietly as possible, hoping to be able to avoid Sirius for another day.
It was not his lucky night though, because Sirius was awake and was laying in Remus’ bed, reading one of his books, obviously waiting for Remus to get back into the dorm.

There was no way to push this conversation further and the minute Remus stepped into the room Sirius sat up and looked at him, Merlin knows how long he had waited on Remus's bed to have the chance to talk with him after the 2 days of silence treatment Remus gave him. He felt even more guilty realizing he had been punishing Sirius for his own guilt when he had done nothing wrong, and how he just fell into his old manners, which were to pretend the problem never existed, to hide his head under the sand.

They stared at each other for a while before Sirius took courage and said “Hi Moony”
He sounded uncertain and Remus knew that Sirius probably thought he did something that pissed Remus off without even noticing, because when Padfoot thought he was right he was never hesitant, he was loud and fierce and would not let you go until everything was talked about.

Remus greeted him back trying to not look at Sirius in the eyes, not sure his legs would keep him up if Remus had to deal with Sirius' deep gray eyes too.
“We need to talk” Sirius murmured to not wake Peter and James. Remus realized at that moment that perhaps Prongs told him how weird and out of character he acted the other night, but he nodded, knowing there was no way to say no to Sirius when he decided to do something. “Let me change”
He recollected his pyjamas and entered the bathroom, obviously trying to take time, and slowly began to change.
How could he lie in front of Sirius' face? He was the only one who had always been able to see right through him.
The only one Remus used to trust with his own secrets, the only one that knew he couldn't read during his first year, and the first one that understood he was a werewolf.

How hard it had been for Remus to relearn how to live without his comforting presence.
There was no way Sirius would believe his lies, he would probably quickly figure it out but Remus couldn't say anything until he understood how he came back here.
Remus took as much time as he could without looking too obvious and got out of the common bathroom, finding Sirius patiently waiting for him.
Remus joined him in his own childhood bed and drew the curtains closed while Sirius casted a silencing charm so they could talk at a normal volume.

“Would you like to explain why on earth you're avoiding me?” Sirius went straightforward, as usual, and to be honest he had waited even too long for his standards.
“I'm not trying to avoid you Pads”

“Remus, I had to wait on your bed for two hours just to be able to say hi when until a couple of days ago we were spending every free moment together, even Peter noticed that you've been acting weird and he's convinced we are fighting and he blames me so don't sit there saying that you're not avoiding me” Remus swallowed, he knew the way he was acting was unfair at best.

“I had a lot to study. I'm not avoiding you, the world doesn't revolve around you Sirius and maybe it's time you understand it” some things just never change, and his first instinct when being attacked by Sirius was to bite and hurt, to try to distract him from the real reason Remus was avoiding him.

But Sirius wasn't here to fight and he didn't fall for the bait, instead, he started to sound a bit worried.
“You're not even looking at me in the eyes, Moony, what's wrong? You know you can talk to me” he touched Remus's forearm and tried to catch his glance.
Remus had to look at him, delaying it was only making it worse and was only making Sirius more concerned.

So Remus took a deep breath to prepare himself and then met his gaze, hundreds of emotions blossomed in his chest, it felt like being dragged back to something he thought he could ever experience again.
All those years he spent mourning him gathered together to stab him in this precise moment, and suddenly he felt a wave of affection towards this boy who most of the time didn't think before he acted and who unfairly had to pay the consequences of other people's actions.
Not this time though, Remus would not let this happen again, at any cost.

So he tried to sound convincing while saying “it's just… I'm fine really. I've just been thinking about the war and what's gonna happen in the future when we leave Hogwarts and… I don't know… but I promise, I'm not trying to avoid you, I just don't feel like being around anyone”
This was not completely a lie and he swallowed, forcing himself to not look away from Sirius’ eyes.

“I'm sorry if I made you think you did something wrong Pads”
Sirius didn't respond at first, just kept looking at his face and into his eyes, like there was a piece he was missing but he couldn't quite figure out what it was.

Remus started to wiggle under his glance, scared that perhaps Sirius knew he was an impostor here, but after a few long moments, he seemed to have seen what he needed and nodded.
“Alright Moony, but you don't have to avoid me, you know how much I miss you when you act like this, I went crazy this past days trying to understand what the hell did I do”

“I know, I'm really sorry” Remus smiled shyly.
“Oh, com’here” Sirius wrapped him in a tight hug. It felt… weird. Remus couldn't really remember hugging Sirius, except when he was drunk, then he became the most affectionate boy and he would hug even a broom.

•••

After that they settled under the covers, chatting about anything, Remus finally relaxed a bit and felt much less awkward.
“I just couldn't believe it when I found them in the prefect's bathro… Sirius?” Remus stopped, Sirius had fallen asleep, and a little laugh escaped his mouth, trust Sirius Black to fall asleep when ten seconds before he was talking.
“G’night then Padfoot…nox” he turned off the light in his and in Sirius’ wand and placed them on the night table.
Then he turned around so he was face to face with Sirius, observing him sleep.
He looked so peaceful and young and, still not really sure his presence here would last, Remus wished he could freeze this moment in time, wished to feel like this forever.

“I'm sorry”
Remus murmured in the quietness of the room.
“And I missed you too, more than you'll ever know”