Chapter 7
James
James forgot how nice it was to be around people who knew him as just James. Not Monty Potter the famous football player and movie star Euphemia Potter’s child. He was grateful for all the opportunities his parents’ lives had brought him but the fame had gotten old when he’d been bullied relentlessly in middle school. Kids used to bring up photos from his childhood of him having a tantrum in public or crying at the worst times. Things that were normal childhood moments for everyone else became twisted. James never told anyone that he was being teased, his mother would have sobbed and felt gutted that their lives had changed his childhood. He took it in stride and got bigger than all his bullies and once he started football the bullying had switched to something almost worse. The fame chasers. People would want to get close to James just to go to his house and see his parents.
This in turn had made James extremely private about the things that mattered to him. All his favorite shows, movies, songs, books, and anything remotely dorky James kept close to his heart. But around Regulus, it seemed to slip away. Knowing that he had been around his family for years and never said a word about them to any tabloid spoke volumes. Sirius had been nervous about Regulus moving in with them and that he might be desperate and do something stupid but he hadn’t seen his face when James went to his foster home. James knew that the terror and rush Reg had to leave that place couldn’t be faked James knew Regulus just needed to be safe.
James knew Regulus was probably secretly exhausted, being at a three-hour football practice was surely not on his top favorite things list.
“Reggie I want to say thanks again for doing this you really didn’t have to but I have no idea how I could even trust anyone like I am you right now” James was choosing to be brutally honest
“James relax I don't expect you to kiss my ass for the next three months I agreed to help because I wanted to. Not to hold it over your head” - “Except when I want fancy food as you called it, well then I might have to make a request to see how far I can push you” Regulus smirked
“I see how it is you just want me for my dinner reservation pull, well fine your highness only the finest sushi tonight for your tastes” James joked but he was serious about going to the best sushi place
“I will be the judge of this place see if it's up to my standards”
“We will start the evening with a performance”
“James what on earth are you talking about”
“Dinner and a show Reggie except just us because I’m shy”
“James has anyone ever described you as shy literally ever”
“Hey, I can be shy it’s just in my head”
“Anyway get ready for the performance of a lifetime…”
James paused to switch his AUX on a queue Hannah Montana on. Laughing quietly to himself because normally he did his car karaoke alone but he thought it would make Regulus smile and for some reason, he wanted to see that. Just like you by Hannah Montana popped up on his dash and as the first line started James started.
Yeah, yeah
So what you see
Is only half the story
There's another side of me
I'm a girl you know but I'm someone else too
If you only knew
It's a crazy life but I'm alright
I've got everything I've always wanted
I'm livin' the dream
So yeah everything I've always wanted
Is it always what it seems?
I'm a lucky girl
Whose dreams came true
But underneath it all, I'm just like you
Yeah, yeah
Don't wanna be treated differently
I wanna keep it all inside
Half the time
I got my name in lights
The other half I'm by your side
It's a crazy life
But I'm just fine
I got everything I've always wanted
Living the dream
So yeah
Everything I've always wanted
Is it always what it seems?
I'm a lucky girl
Whose dreams came true
But underneath it all
I'm just like you
Cant you see I'm just an ordinary girl
Livin' in an extraordinary world
Tryin' to live
Tryin' to learn
Tryin' to just be
Who I am
(Who I am)
I got everything I've always wanted
Livin' the dream
So yeah
Everything I've always wanted
Is it always what it seems?
I'm a lucky girl
Whose dreams came true
But underneath it all
I'm just like you
Everything I've always wanted
Livin' the dream
So yeah
Everything I've always wanted (Always wanted)
Is it always what it seems
I'm a lucky girl
Whose dreams came true
But underneath it all
I'm just like you
Regulus (POV Switch)
He thought he was done being floored for the day. But somehow it seems James always has something up his sleeve. He’s pretty sure James somehow hits every note perfectly all while laughing and driving, it would be infuriating to watch him be so perfect if he was anyone else. Regulus remembers who he’s in front of again and closes his jaw which he's pretty sure was open in awe.
“Hey, why aren’t you laughing I just sang Hannah Montana to you that’s like prime teasing gold Sirius would have given me shit” James is looking over while more Hannah Montana plays
Regulus ignores the question and asks his own “How did you even have this downloaded and ready to be played”
James blushes for the first time “Well um, I might casually listen to Hannah Montana when I'm alone, it’s not that weird she's good”
Now Regulus does laugh because that's priceless the Famous ultra-cool James listens to a Disney star's album. “Give me your phone how many of her songs do you have downloaded I need to know your favorite now”
“Hey now you can’t laugh this isn’t the funny part Regulus” James pouts but Regulus can tell it’s not really hurt
Regulus is snappy and a bit of an ass when he wants but he’s never cruel and if he thought James was feeling vulnerable he would stop.
“I think it's funny to hand over the phone I need to see you're most listened-to albums now”
James relents passing the phone over. Regulus is having the time of his life seeing classic Disney hits and early 2000’s songs as his most listened-to songs right now. This is gold James no one would guess.
“Yeah, yeah I know it's lame but they make me happy, I kinda find the Hannah Montana ones relatable” - “Look don’t laugh,” James says with his serious face on.
Regulus sits quietly but nods his head telling him to go on
“When I was little I would watch the show and picture myself like that. Living a double life. Half that time I felt like a show James who smiled at every camera and loved all the meet and greets my parents did and travel. But I also had the real me who liked reading alone and singing and throwing the football around but only when no one was watching. I guess the music is just comforting now, it sounds stupid when I say it out loud now I guess”
Regulus wants to say it’s silly and laugh off this weirdly intimate moment he’s having with James right now. Because he’s so not equipped for this. But he needs to say something quiet is never what people like after they tell you personal things.
The first thing Regulus can think to say is “You’re actually a really good singer” It could probably be better but Regulus hasn’t done openness for a long time.
“Regulus Black the first James Potter Fanboy they will say you were the start to my fame I can see it now”
Regulus rolls his eyes “Don’t it go to your head or I’ll take it back”
“No promises I'm planning a world tour now based on your compliment, I’m thinking multiple nights in NYC won't be enough.”
“God your insufferable”
Regulus can tell James is in a good mood now though because the rest of the way is just James singing Hannah Montana to his heart's content. Regulus trying to not be an adoring fan and starting out the window. But he’s fighting the smile as he rides in James’ car.
Once they’re at Sushi James opens the door like a gentleman and Reg remembers that if they're in public they have to look like a couple and gets nervous. This dynamic feels so fragile he doesn’t want to fuck it up. But he doesn’t think he has it in him to pretend anymore today.
“James” Reg whispers as they walk in “I don’t know how to act”
“Regulus you’re doing perfectly I didn't see anyone outside trying to get pictures I don't think anyone knows we're here” - “I wouldn’t bring you out without any prep if I wasn’t sure”
Regulus takes a deep breath he can do this he’s known James forever, and the boy sings Disney songs for christ's sake there's nothing to be nervous about.
Regulus follows James and their waiter to a table in a secluded spot. James opens his menu and starts asking Regulus what he wants to order. He’s getting dizzy though. Regulus hates this part of feeling trapped. He knows he’s not he could call anyone now a taxi even and leave but somehow he can't help but feel stuck in his chair. And the air feels thinner fuck James is talking and his ears just sound like static.
“Regulus can you stand, can you walk”
Regulus wants to respond, wants to say yes please get me out of here.
He sees James and wants to talk but nothing comes out.
“Regulus can I hold your hand and lead you out of the restaurant, nod if that's okay.” _ “it’s okay if not I'll call Sirius if you want”
Reg thinks about if it will make his panic attack worse for James to touch him but he also wants out of the restaurant and he can't get himself to make choices right now. He nods lightly.
James uses the lightest touch to hold Regulus’ hand and pull him in the direction of what must be the exit.
Breathing didn’t use to be so hard, somehow he's barely registering James holding his hand though. It’s definitely not making anything worse. Reg had been nervous it would cause a full shutdown.
“Reggie we’re at the car I’m gonna open your door and buckle you, nod if that's okay”
He nods again appreciating James not making him actually talk.
How is he supposed to explain himself? How do you say that your caseworker in foster care used to make you go to dinner alone with him while he tried to make passes at you? He wants to cry and throw up he’s gonna be sick in James’ care and there's nothing he can do. He bends over as and gets sick in his lap. He’s gonna hate himself tonight.
“You're doing great Reggie, You're being really strong breathe slowly there's some water on the passenger side why don't you drink a little? We’re almost home I promise no one or nothing can hurt you now.”
Regulus knows he’s a mess right now and he’s been doing so well lately no episodes this bad in over a year. He thinks over James’ words and breaths while he looks for the water to sip on.
“We’re pulling into the lot I’m gonna open your door can you unbuckle yourself and walk to the elevator or do you want help” “you can nod for help or shake your head for no”
Regulus shakes no because the idea of James doing anymore is unbearable “Minute” He shakes out
“Yeah of course take all the time you need just let me know what you need.”
James is helping in his weird consistent way Regulus knows that he wouldn’t have gotten a single word out if it was anyone else.
Regulus thinks hours must have passed while he collects himself he really isn’t sure but he's cold and feels like he's covered in dried sweat now. He looks at the car he's made a mess in his panic and closes his eyes “I’m sorry about your car I can pay whatever it cost to detail it or burn it in a firey pit”
“It’s a car Reg I couldn’t care less about it”
“You don't need to lie this is humiliating as is”
“A day ago you watched me have a breakdown over media and never once thought I was embarrassing why would I see you any differently, we are all allowed our moments Reggie you’ve done nothing wrong, your human”
“That was different,” Regulus says, what he doesn’t verbalize is that he thinks it's different because people that aren’t him deserve patience and love, things he doesn’t consider for himself.
“Well I disagree with you it’s no different and unless you're gonna make me feel bad about my anxiety I want you to give yourself a bit more grace”
On that note, Regulus doesn’t have the energy to respond any longer. Instead, he finds it in himself to unbuckle his seatbelt and swing his door open getting out into the empty car lot. There is a second of dizziness from hyperventilating so he leans over the car to catch his breath.
He hears James get out and stand next to him but leaving Regulus with plenty of space. Trying to save some of his dignity he stands straight and walks into the elevator while James keys them up to his floor. As soon as they're through the apartment door though Regulus is practically running to his room to shower and wallow in self-pity for the next century or until he can erase this memory from ever happening.