Chapter 8
Regulus POV:
“What's wrong with you no one’s gonna want someone whos such a mess. Such a stupid idiot. He just wanted to go out to eat with you and you couldn't even do that right.”
Talking out loud about all his hypercritical inner thoughts isn't really helping him feel better but he doesn't know what to do. How is he supposed to look James in the eyes after this. He knows that James has seen him at some low points. But they're both adults now, he's so far from the trauma of his past. He hates that it still creeps up on him at the worst times.
He turns the shower up to scalding just hoping it distracts him so he doesn't spiral anymore. Once he’s done getting clean he actually does feel a bit better. His breathing finally regulated and the pressure of his chest was not nearly as crushing.
He should probably find James and explain himself now. He should probably call his therapist and talk through this all. He should probably do a lot of this but he’s curled up in a ball under his covers hiding from the world now.
It wasn’t supposed to be this hard faking being James’ boyfriend and living in this apartment. He’s lived with James and his family before but it just feels so real now. He’d had a crush on James when he was younger and never thought this would happen to him. All this fake real pretend was getting to him. Even being this close to James was just reminding him of when James first showed up and took him away from the hell that was his foster child life.
He was still deep in his thoughts when a knock on his door startled him.
“Reg can I come in please you can tell me to fuck off if you're tired though I just wanted to check on you” James’ voice carried from behind the door
Reg wanted to scream how could James be so endlessly kind it was as endearing as it was infuriating.
“Yeah one second” Reg was sure his words were muffled but James didn't comment. He moved the chair in front of his door away and took off his second lock before opening the door blushing. He knew James wasn't judging him but it was not normal to have a locked door routine.
James didn't bat an eye he smiled and held a platter out towards Reg “I had even fancier food delivered, I thought we could still have our dinner because you were such a trooper sitting through my practice and enduring me all day” “I wasn’t sure exactly what you like so I got one of everything”
Regulus was speechless when he looked at all the sushi James had it was amazing, it really was one of his favorite foods. Other people preferred pizza, pasta, and ice cream but for Regulus’ comfort was Sushi.
James keeps talking after Regulus doesn't respond “Totally fine if you’re not up for it, I can put this away and save it for later or make something else”
“This is great thank you James” Regulus is sure he sounds formal he never mastered the casual way Sirius could talk to people things like “this is dope man” were never gonna leave his mouth.
Regulus took the tray and set it on the table in his massive room. As he sat down James was headed to the door, he’d forgotten to tell James he could stay. James didn't even look mad about leaving him alone. It was a reminder that James wasn’t his old caseworker or any of the people that had hurt him in the past.
“Wait don’t leave, you can eat with me I promise I’m not always this awkward”
James POV Switch:
He was trying not to overwhelm Regulus but it was hard to keep the happiness off his face at the fact Reg still wanted to be around him. If there was one thing James knew well it was shame. He knew it felt like throwing yourself into the fire sometimes being vulnerable around someone. It was his main priority that he realized James was never going to judge him.
“So which is your favorite dish,” James asked trying to keep it light
James watched Regulus excitedly tell him all about the different types of sushi and sashimi in front of them and how to eat them and why he liked or didn't like some. It honestly felt really peaceful. James was happy to see Regulus coming out of his shell again. He had been worried Reg would try to avoid him out of embarrassment.
James hadn't told him yet but he’d taken the whole day off tomorrow he figured Reg would be more comfortable in his own world tom and James really did want to help with his charity. He’d been secretly donating to it for years now he knew Regulus would have hated knowing but one year Reg had so many more kids need safe houses so James found 10 million in his account and donated under a pseudonym. James had always known that Regulus was going to do great things and helping queer foster kids was his dream.
Not to mention he was so damn good at it that the amount of lives he’d probably saved was unreal. James would give all the money he had until he was starving if his accountant would let him. As it was they had a yearly fight over how much James donated, especially since it was anonymous.
Even after they finished eating they talked until it was late and dark. James could see Regulus trying to stay awake and figured he should probably head to bed since Reg was too polite to send him away.
As he was getting up Regulus spoke softly “Thank you for not making me feel like a freak, I know people always say it's fine when they see someone being weak. But you really helped I don’t think anyone else would have been as helpful today.”
James wanted to wrap him in a hug so badly there were so many things he wanted to say but he started with “You are never weak Regulus you are one of the strongest people I know, and you never have to act a certain way around me I promise I can take whatever you throw at me.”
“It’s just hard I’m so used to being on my own and doing my own thing worrying about the press and how I look brings up a lot of things I’d rather forget.”
“If it’s ever too much Reg we drop this, you are way more important than this, when Sirius became family you were always gonna be protected too”
“Also no football tomorrow I thought wed spend the day visiting your safe homes and checking in on the kids. I don't want you to feel like we only need to focus on me, your work and things matter just as much”
“James you really don’t have to do this your team’s gonna be so mad”
“No they’ll think I’m taking the first day off in years and it’s well deserved, I promise there's nowhere id rather be than hanging out with you tomorrow seeing you in your element.”