𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐜
THE Advanced Guard was formed. The Advanced Guard was a group of witches and wizards that volunteered to help bring Harry over from 4 Privet Drive all the way over to 12 Grimmuald Place. The group included Mad-Eye Moody, Emmeline Vance, Tonks, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Elphias Doge, Remus, Dedalus Diggle, Hestia Jones, and Sturgis Podmore. Some of those names weren’t very familiar to you but they were members of the Order and if Dumbledore trusted them, so did you.
The Advanced Guard had long gone to retrieve the boy. It was dusk when they had left. Now it’s dark, the sky a jet black color as the stars twinkled in the sky. It was a waning gibbous moon tonight meaning that the full moon would be soon. You didn’t want Remus working himself so much around the full moon but like the stubborn man he is, your words fall deaf on ears.
You were setting the table for when the Advanced Guard came back for dinner. The plates rattled in your grasp and you balanced them in one hand while some utensils were in the other. You could have just used magic but recently you were relying on it too much.
Per Molly’s request, you made sure that Charlie and Tonks were going to sit next to each other. The two of you were going to meddle in their love lives and play matchmaker for the two young adults.
Sirius had entered the dining room. He walked up behind you and slid his hands along your waist and hugged you from behind. “I’m tired,” he mumbled into the space of your neck. With most of the Order not being able to leave the comfort of 12 Grimmuald Place, it could get boring being around the same people all the time. The Black family home wasn’t exactly Buckingham Place so it was inevitable that one would get bored from being in such a tight space for weeks on end.
“Aren’t we all,” you rolled your eyes. You hadn’t meant for it to be rude in any way. It’s just that the complaining wasn’t going to erase the fact that there was a war going on outside the front doors of 12 Grimmuald Place. People were frightened for their lives and the lives of their families. Tomorrow wasn’t guaranteed - it never was - and the fact that Sirius was complaining about being “tired” really irked you for some reason.
“What’s gotten into you?” Sirius removed his arms from your body. You continued to set the table, not looking up at him as you spoke.
“Nothing, I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem fine,” Sirius looked you up and down. He was right, you hadn’t been fine. The stress, the waiting, the hoping, the pleading, the hopelessness. You hadn’t felt like this since the first Wizarding War. The same war where you’d lost your sister, the same war where Harry lost his parents, the same war when Sirius got locked up for crimes he didn’t commit.
“I’m fine, Sirius, so just drop it,” you shouted. You had forgotten that there was a glass plate in your hand. You had dropped your arms in order to stress that you were fine and perfectly capable but then the plate had slipped from your grip. The plate fell and shattered into tiny individual pieces onto the wooden floor. The noise of the plate falling had alerted everyone in the house that something was wrong. Not more than ten seconds later, people began poking their heads in to see if everything was alright.
“Everything's fine. Thank’s for asking,” you smiled politely at everyone. With a flick of your wrist, the plate was fixed and back in perfect condition. You placed it on the table, next to a dinner fork and a knife, and left the dining room.
You wanted someplace to escape, somewhere where you could hide away. Just for once you wanted to be alone. Without Sirius and Remus and anyone in between. You loved your boys but in times like these, you really wished you had somewhere to go without being interrupted.
Nowadays, the only thing that could bring you comfort was your own thoughts. No one really seemed to get you like the way you got yourself. Not even Sirius or Remus could really understand what was going on in your brain of yours.
You found yourself in the attic of 12 Grimmuald Place. It was small and unkempt. The air was stuffy and it smelled of dust, dirt, and human musk. Thankfully, there was a small circular window that could be pushed out a bit to let the outside air in. “This’ll have to do,” you mumbled to yourself. You sat on the dust-covered floor and put your knees to your chest. Your head found its way to the tip of your knees and rested there.
You were scared for the future. You hated to admit it but you really were. The future is always fast, scary, and unpredictable. It was just yesterday that you were filled with hope and optimism about the future. Now, it was as if a dementor had snuck into your soul and drained all the hope and optimism out of you. You hated feeling vulnerable and weak. Lily would say that feeling vulnerable made you more human. Right now, you wanted to be anything but.
Downstairs, The Advance Guard rushed through the doors of 12 Grimmuald Place. They were met with hugs and handshakes of congratulations for transporting Harry to the Order headquarters seemingly without a scratch. Molly had invited everyone to stay for dinner. Molly ushered everyone into the dining room with a wave of her hand and a promise that there would be everyone's favorite dessert, pumpkin pastilles. Molly lied, pumkin pastilles weren’t everyone’s favorite. You hated them and Sirius and Remus knew that.
“Where is she?” Remus asked as his eyes scanned the room for you. Remus noticed your absence from the welcoming committee almost instantly.
“I dunno. She broke a plate, fixed it, then left.”
“What did you do?” Remus’s brows furrowed with confusion. It was very unlike you to not communicate your feelings with them. Communication was valuable in your relationship and without it, almost nothing would be solved.
“I didn’t do anything!” Sirius raised his hands in defense. “She went upstairs before I could ask her what was wrong.”
Remus took Sirius’s wrist into his and began to walk up the stairs. “What are you doing?” Sirius asked as he pulled his wrist away from Remus’s grasp. Sirius rubbed his wrist as he looked at Remus like he was a madman. Remus often forgot how strong he was and would grip your or Sirius’s wrist a bit too tight. “Sorry,” Remus took Sirius’s wrist in his hands - his grip a bit lighter this time - and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly.
“We need to find her and talk to her,” Remus began to look through the rooms on the second floor. Almost everyone was downstairs happily enjoying their meals while they chatted with Harry.
“But I’m hungry, Remus,” Sirius whined as he continued to rub his wrist. It stopped hurting as soon as Remus brought his soft lips to it but Sirius was always one for dramatic so he pushed out his bottom lip and put on his best puppy-dog eyes.
“You can eat once we find her.”
“I’m a growing boy. I need to eat”
“Goddammit, Sirius!” Remus shouted as he put his head in his hands. Remus was stressed. The full moon is tomorrow and the combined stress of trying to find you while he had a whining Sirius on his tail was not helping in calming him down. Remus drew in a deep breath and the exhaled, trying to calm himself down before he said something he would regret, “I’m sorry for shouting at you. I’m just really stressed about everything right now.”
“It’s okay. I know I can be a bit dramatic at times but that’s what you signed up for isn’t it?” Sirius teased a slightly less annoyed Remus. Remus let a small smile creep up onto his lips and he nodded his head. “Now, let’s go find our girl.”
They check all the rooms on the second floor, including Regulas’s room. They both knew you weren’t in there. You respected Sirius’s wishes of not entering that room but they just wanted to make sure. They stocked up another set of stairs to the third floor where the master bedroom was located. They checked in the expansive room but to no avail, you weren’t there. They were just about to go back downstairs to check on the bottom floor but then they heard noises coming from above them.
“The attic,” Sirius whispered. Why hadn’t they thought of that first? It was inevitable that you would be in there. You often complained about not being able to have alone time while you were in 12 Grimmuald Place. The attic was the only place in the entire house where it wasn’t crawling with people wanting to know what your next move was.
You’d been in the small attic for so long that you were getting tired. You didn’t want to go back downstairs. You were enjoying the peace and quiet of the small space. It was quite dark. It had the same effect of curtains that blocked the light out from outside. You changed your earlier position and faced the circular window. You sort of felt like you were high in a tower, face to face with the stars. The big bright balls of gas twinkled and shined as you sat and watched. The moon looked quite pretty when it wasn’t turning your partner into a werewolf once a month. You started rocking yourself from side to side, enjoying the comfort of being by yourself. No one but the moon and the stars knew where you were right now and that’s how you wanted to keep it.
“Oh no, no, no. The mudblood is sitting in my attic where I sleep. My mistress wouldn’t allow this,” Kreacher had popped into the attic out of nowhere, startling you. You rolled your eyes to the back of your head and sighed as you lightly banged your head onto one of the exposed wooden panels in the attic.
“Go away Kreacher,” a voice came from behind you. You didn’t have to turn around to know that Sirius and Remus were at the door of the attic looking at you. Kreacher obeyed his master and apparated to Merlin knows where leaving the three of you alone.
“Go away, Sirius. You too Remus.”
“Talk to us, love. What’s going on?” Remus was genuinely concerned for your well-being.
“Nothing’s wrong. Now go, please. I want to be alone.”
“Y/N, I won’t ask you again. What. Is. Wrong?” Remus’s voice was stern. You sighed and turned around to look at them. Their faces showed genuine concern and your heart panged with a twinge of guilt. In an act of rebellion and sadness, you decided to hide away from your lovers, the people that have promised to love and protect you since day one.
Your eyes began to water and your nose burned. You were going to cry and you didn’t care. “I’m scared,” your voice cracked. Your tears now fell freely. They traveled down your cheeks and made their way to the outline of your mouth before you decided to wipe them away, making room for more to fall out of your glossy eyes.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Sirius and Remus rush into the attic and sit beside you, one of the on each side. Remus puts his arm around you while Sirius sandwiches one of your hands around his.
“It’s okay to feel scared,” Remus says as he presses kisses to your soft skin, “but you need to tell us when you're feeling this way. We need to communicate. You can’t just hide away your feelings.”
“We're here for you. Forever and always,” Sirius took the hand that was on top of yours and removed it, allowing him to press his lips onto the back of your hand.
You sniffled and looked at Remus and Sirius. You really didn’t deserve them but you were grateful that they chose you to be with them all those years ago. The three of you didn’t know that the relationship you started in fifth year would grow into a bond that couldn’t be broken even by Merlin himself. You loved your boys and would cherish them forever.
You brought Sirius and Remus into a hug. Your arms were wrapped around their necks while their arms found solace around your torso. You pressed a kiss to each of their cheeks. “I don’t deserve you two.”
“Are you kidding,” Remus grabbed you gently by the chin and made you look into his eyes, “you provided me with a roof over my head for the past twelve years, you’ve healed me after every bar fight I’ve gotten into, you’ve waited up for me every single full moon, you cook, you clean, and you love. That’s all I could ever ask for.”
It was Sirius’s turn. He gently placed a hand on your face, making you look at him, “Love, you are an extraordinary woman. You’ve loved Remus and me for more years than I can count. You’re the woman we want to spend our life with,” Sirius spared a glance at Remus who gave him a nod, signaling that right now was the right moment to pop the question. They couldn’t wait any longer to declare you theirs. “Y/N Evans, will you do us the favor in becoming-”
“Master Sirius, the red-headed blood traitor has requested your presence along with the mudblood and the half bread,” the wretched house-elf, Kreacher appeared once more out of thin air.
“Fuck off, Kreacher!”