It was a dark and stormy winter night near the end of the Hogwarts Christmas holidays. Sirius could hear the quiet cries as his little brother Regulus was unfairly punished for the common mistakes he made. He tried to block out the noise as there was nothing he could do once his mother got started.
The pitter pattering on the windows brought Sirius' attention back to the parchment and quill on his desk. See, Sirius was a student at Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry and at this special school the students were sorted based on their key personality traits. Gryffindors for bravery, Hufflepuffs loyalty and hard work, Ravenclaws for their knowledge and love of books, and lastly, Slytherins for their cunning and ambition. Sirius and all his friends happened to be a group of well-known Gryffindors.
The marauders, as Sirius ad his friends Remus James and peter were sometimes called, were infamous for school wide pranks. Some of their handywork includes the great toilet scape of '74 (but that’s a later story), the giant squid, and the forbidden forest fiasco.
Well, anyway, the marauders happened to be friends with a couple of fierce Gryffindor chicks that went by the names of lily, Mary, and Marlene. Lily was known for her exceptional potion’s skills and the fact that she’d been the object of James Potters’ interest since first year. Marlene was known for her punk rock look and her reputation as the school plug. Now Mary, she was beautiful and slightly slutty, but that’s not what she was known for. Mary MacDonald was known for the endless streams of gossip that made its way through her weekly school wide newspaper.
The Hogwarts Weekly Letter included a main story, commentary, advice column, comic strip, and one slot that anyone could submit a short story into. That is exactly what Sirius was going to do while he waited for the storm to pass. Sirius dipped his quill and began his enthralling tale….
"It was a dark and stormy night. Sirius sat in his bed with his hair up in a messy bun listening to the rain patter against his windows. That’s when he heard a faint knock on the door downstairs. Sirius threw on some grey sweatpants and an ACDC t-shirt before rushing down the stairs of his traditional townhouse. He threw open the door expecting to see his cousins or gods forbid one of their unruly husbands. Instead, Sirius came face to face with David Bowie. Sirius' best friend Remus was the one who introduced him to Bowie's music and ever since Sirius had been obsessed. Before Sirius could close his gaping, mouth, and stutter out a word his mother was down the stairs and giving bowie a fake smile. "Good evening Mr. Bowie. I believe that you told me you would take him off my hands for 50k galleons?"
"Yes, madam black."
"Excellent here’s your money then"
"Thank you. Come along Sirius you can be my apprentices"
Sirius was star struck as he and bowie walked through the rain towards and alley to apparate in.
Wait apparate?
Oh, you thought bowie was a muggle? Well, he is as far as we know, which is why as soon as they got to the alley his facial features shifted to a more tanned and freckled boy with dark raven hair and glasses.
"James?"
"Oh yeah hey Siri I bought you from your mother how cool is that?"
The two boys did their totally wicked handshake and then illegally apparated to James’s parents’ house where they had Sirius favorite meal of meatballs and ice cream.
And then moony and Pete came over. And I Sirius got to kiss the love of his life and light of his sky Remus Lupin. The End."
Sirius sealed the ink bottle, rolled up the parchment, tied it, and sent the letter over to the poor unsuspecting Mary Macdonald. If nothing else, at least Sirius had successfully distracted himself until Reggie’s cries of pain had stopped.