Part four
Just a few more hours. Just a few more hours and he can finally fucking go back to his flat.
His days off, oh, how he misses his days off. It´s been week and a half since the Sirius fiasco and a week and a half since he had to put his ass back to work.
Honestly, he doesn´t even know why he´s still here. It´s not like he needs a steady income, jesus, he won´t have to move a finger until the day he dies and his children and their children die, so that really isn´t the reason.
When he first started here, he was twenty-one years old, making it two years of suffering spent in this rabbit hole.
When he first started here, at twenty-one years old, his parents would claw his eyes out if he´d only just peeped about not wanting this job.
But now they´re gone and it doesn´t matter anymore.
They wanted him so badly to become the CEO, and he was, for a year or so anyway. That was before he told everyone to fuck off and leave him alone. Yep, he´s pretty much not the CEO anymore.
He´s some sort of money manager, as Barty calls it. Taking care of the bills and checking their investments as a company. He hates it.
The only good thing about his job was Dorcas, until she said fuck it and left.
They actually met here, it was the first year for both of them. Dorcas was in the sales department which meant they had offices really close and were seeing each other quite frequently.
He can remember the day they started talking – after about two months of polite greetings or head nods.
They all had to be in some meeting, listening for three hours straight about new rules the company wanted to imply. Naturally, Regulus was bored to death, his head was hanging heavy on his neck carriyng an expression of a killer. His neck hurt, so he moved a bit, taking a look around the room until his eyes landed on Dorcas who was already looking back at him. She rolled her eyes, pretending to gag which made him snort. Soon after, they had a fifteen minute break where she approached him near the refreshments table.
“Jesus fucking Christ, swear if that old fool will talk for another ten minutes I will puke,” She groaned, taking a water bottle from the table. Regulus noticed her accent, it was lovely, a little breathy. She wasn´t from here then.
“Would rather take this bowl and smash it on my head than spend any more time here,” Regulus agreed, pointing at the glass bowl full of fancy mineral water with cucumber slices. That made her chuckle.
“´Name´s Dorcas Meadowes by the way,” she extended her hand to him. Regulus instantly noticed all of the silver jewellery wrapping her long fingers. It was mesmerising in a way.
“Regulus Black,” he took it. Her grip surprised him – it was rather firm but very feminine at the same time.
“Oh, I know who you are,” Dorcas smirked. “Everyone´s heard about you, that I can assure you of.” Oh great. He thought. She probably only sees his parents´ money.
People that went for a cigarette break or the toilet were slowly coming back, filling up the room again. They were watching everyone like prey. Like two foxes looking at dozens of stupid mice.
“Anyway, wanna go somewhere else?” She asked suddenly with a mischievous grin as the last few people went in.
“Gladly,” Regulus responded with a mild amused smile of his own.
From then on, they became friends really fast and Regulus learned she does not see him only for his money.
They used to spend every lunch break together since that day, just talking or discussing the latest gossip. She made his time here bearable, sometimes even making him excited about going in.
But like all good things, it had to come to an end. After a year, Dorcas scraped enough money to open her own business. It was a tight fit, completely trusting the shop to profit the money back, which back then was like a freefall, but she successfully landed on both her feet.
Of course, Regulus immediately proposed the idea of being her sponsor, but Dorcas wouldn´t have it. But she also couldn´t tell him to piss off as a customer when he bought quite literally half of the store that one time it was going downhill.
That all was a year ago. A year without Dorcas feels like a life without water. So, as you probably gathered, it was, is, shit.
With every soft tick of the clock, he thinks of quitting. There´s really nothing holding him back anymore, but he still finds himself seated here every day from nine to five.
Maybe it´s the fear of new routine. Maybe he´s scared of having so much time suddenly that he´ll go crazy. Maybe there´s still a part of him that wants his parents to be proud.
He´s looking at the clock again – just hour and thirteen minutes and he can go home. Regulus noticed, that this year, he´s checking the clock rather religiously. Almost every ten minutes his head snaps up from any work he´s currently doing and then he just zones out. He´s impressed that they still haven´t fired him after everything.
With a sigh he pulls out his phone, he´s done for today anyway.
Immidiatelly he clicks on Barty´s profila and starts texting.
Want to come over
?
He´s half expecting Barty to just ignore him, like he´s been doing for the past whole week.
Only if you tell me what the hell was the whole christmas thing about
and if I can bring Rose too.
And Dora
and Cas.
Regulus shakes his head, waiting for another few seconds to see if Barty adds something more. When it becomes clear he´s not, Regulus responds.
jesus fuck ok
you know, it´d be easier to just say the whole gang
Whatever Black.
Regulus doesn´t really get what´s Barty playing on at the moment. After all, he was the one to tell him it was a good thing he went. Regulus was the one to have the right to be angry with him, the bastard was ignoring him this whole week, wasn´t picking up his calls or answering messages, the only information about Barty that Regulus gathered was through Evan and it wasn´t much.
But he needs to stay calm, he´s low-key excited at least about the fact that he´ll see all of his friends in one place again.
They usually spend Christmas together, and that´s when they all meet and have a great time, but since Regulus was kind of away, he hasn´t seen them all since maybe Halloween. He really misses them. Everyone becomes super busy by the time holidays roll around and it´s hard to all agree on one day with their overcrowded schedules.
He looks out of the widow - it´s raining with no signs of snow anymore and it´s already getting warmer. He makes a mental note to stop by the grocer´s and buy some snacks and drinks. Listen, it didn´t matter that they all had to work tomorrow, it´s not like they´re going to get wasted out of their minds, it´s just a few glasses of wine, it will be fine.
When he looks around again, he sees a mess of dark brown hair and a familiar coat and has to double-take. That´s just simply not possible.
Regulus stands up from his seat and walks over to the window. His office is sort of high, ten storeys, so everyone outside seems already pretty small. He squints his eyes, trying to find the man again, but he fails.
Maybe it´s just the lack of sleep catching up with him.
On his way home, he stops at Tesco´s. He doesn´t really have anything at home at the moment, so from only snacks and two bottles of wine his list became longer than what he could memorize, and Regulus has to write it down on his phone.
If he´s honest, he wouldn´t even bother and would manage to survive on the remaining leftovers and junk food in the freezer, but since Pandora is coming, he´ll make the effort. He really doesn´t need to hear her speech about all the important nutrients and vitamins. Again.
He parks his car close to the entrance because of course he doesn´t have an umbrella on him and before going in, he sends a text to their group chat.
Reg: stopping at tesco´s, anyone want something?
It took only a minute and his phone was being bombarded with messages.
Cas: the prosseco
Cas: you know which one
Dora: oh yes yes! For me too please
Evan: some peace and quiet
Evan: pls.
Barty: answers bitch
Barty: but besides that I want red wine and Rose´ll have those tiny pretzels
Barty: you could take the whole party mix
Barty: just saying tho
Dora: I support this declaration
Cas: and when we´re at it, u could take the sour cream and onion pringles
Cas: love u reggie
Reg: you just love my money really
Barty: that we do!
Regulus rolled his eyes – so much for ignoring him, huh.
He quickly added all of his friend´ wishes on the list and hurried from the car. It was still raining, and even when he covered his head with a plastic bag, he was like a wet chicken. If he speeds up a bit, he might have time to take a shower back home before his friends arrive.
The whole time he spent shopping, Regulus couldn´t shake off the feeling of being watched. By the regals with milk or the crates with vegetables he felt liked someone was watching his every move.
For a very bizarre second he thought – even when he knew it was impossible – that maybe, it wasn´t just a figment of his imagination and James Potter was truly here.
Regulus arrived home, now dripping wet, and went immediately for shower, ignoring the groceries. He stripped down from his clothes, piling them up straight to the washing machine, and stepped in the shower. The hot water really helped clear his mind, enabling him to see the absurdity of the situation – James Potter was in New York, with his brother, almost eight hours away, divided by the fucking Atlantic Ocean. He should probably go and just check his eyesight.
After what felt like rebirth, he brushed his still damp hair and went to the kitchen. He should make his flat look at least a bit more presentable before the gang arrives.
Regulus starts putting away the groceries, filling up his otherwise empty fridge while humming a tune. He, carefully, starts thinking about what he´ll say to Barty. Or well, everyone.
“Oh, I thought my brother kidnaped a child or something so, you know, I went to check it,” won't really work, will it?
He dumped the chips and pretzels in a bowl and put them on the conference table along with glasses and bottles of prosecco and wine.
“I got this weird sudden urge to go and see my stupid brother and his child. Would you believe he owns a dog in a fucking flat and the landlord doesn´t even know?” yeah that won´t work either.
Jesus Christ, what is he even supposed to tell them? It´s not likehe knows.
Suddenly there´s a knock on his door. He drops everything, jogging slightly to get it.
“Reggie!” Pandora exclaimed, wrapping her arms around him.
“Hey, Dora,” he lets out the muffled greeting, smiling in her shoulder. Regulus would never admit it to anyone, but he loved Pandora´s hugs the most. Her embrace was always warm and peaceful but still buzzing with excitement at the same time. Her perfume was filling his nostrils and her long blonde hair twirling over his hands.
“We´re here too, you know.” That was Dorcas. Regulus smiled again, stepping aside, finally letting go of Pandora and letting everyone in.
“How are y´all?” he asked, putting away Dorcas´ coat for her.
“You´re a fucking dick!” Not smiling anymore, okay.
“You fucking wanker,” she said, punching him lightly on chest. “Leaving like that! What do you have in that fucking head of yours, hm?! Most probably not a brain.” Dorcas scowled.
“Gave us a fright, Reg.” Evan said, shaking his head. Suddenly Regulus remembered how only almost two weeks ago he was banging on his door for hours.
“You bitch!” Barty screeched, voice high-pitched, and ran right into Regulus. He wrapped his hands tightly around him, making it hard to breathe and after a second Regulus realised Barty was crying.
“You´re a absolute cunt do you know that Regulus,” Barty sobbed, his tears soaking Regulus´ shirt.
“Yeah, I know that,” he said softly.
“But I´m glad you sorted your shit out and went there,” Barty continued. He could feel him shake with every sob. “Glad you didn´t chicken out.”
Evan chuckled behind them. “Next time you´re planning something like this we would appreciate you telling us. But you know, that´s just a suggestion.” He said. Regulus feels Barty pulling away. Now he turned very serious, pointing a finger at him. “Oh, no. Not a suggestion a fucking command. Understood?” Regulus smiled slightly again. It was good to have them back.
They were all sitting in the living room, with the overhead lamp turned off and only strig lights and candles producing dimmed light. Pandora and Dorcas were sitting on the carpet with their backs pressed against the couch while Barty and Evan were sprawled there, taking up all of the space. Regulus was sitting in his armchair by the fireplace, watching his friends enjoy the evening. Both of the prosecco bottles were already empty and the wine Evan requested was on its way too. The bowls emptied one time by now, making Regulus find more snacks in the pantry.
“...Well, he used to send me postcards all of the time. He still does,” Regulus started explaining the whole story.
“Yeah, I´ve noticed,” Pandora suddenly said from the floor making his head snap at her direction. He arched one brow at her.
“I´ve noticed too, you aren´t as sneaky as you think you are,” Barty added. Regulus shook his head. He didn´t fucking believe this.
“Or, I do not sneak into your bedrooms.” Regulus faked smiled.
“No need to be passive-aggressive, love. Please continue,” Barty grinned, sharing a high-five with Pandora.
Regulus groaned but went on. “As I was saying,” he gave the two a look. “Sirius kept sending them and it slowly started driving me mad to be honest.” He didn´t know what to really say about it. It was more complicated than this.
“I guess I was curious too,” Regulus added.
“You guess.” Dorcas narrowed her eyes. He narrowed his right back at her.
“And what really surprised me, was when he sent one just before Christmas and well...” he stopped, thinking about formulating the next sentence.
“It wasn´t just him anymore, you know.” Regulus glanced around the room, waiting for his friends to react. He hoped they get what he means by this.
Fisrt were Barty and Dora, because of course they´d figure out first. Their jaws dropped simultaneously, which was rather comical if you ask. Then Dorcas´s mouth formed an “o” shape and he knew she got it too.
“Wait, were you so curious about the dog, or what? I don´t get it,” Evan frowned. This brough a small laugh out of Barty, and he fondly says,: “Oh, Rose...”
“What? What is it y´all. It´s not funny.” Evan thew his arms out as Pandora chuckled.
“He has a child now, you idiot,” Dorcas says, getting him out of his despairs.
His mouth opens and closes a few times, making him look like a fish, clearly not knowing what to say.
“Oh?” was all he managed to get out. Honestly, Regulus wasn´t surprised.
“Wait, didn´t you say that Sirius is, like, one year older than you?” Dorcas asked. “To have a kid at twenty what, four, five? That´s...”
“It doesn´t even end there. The way I wish I was kidding when I say I almost shitted myself,” Regulus said.
“Wow, that´s great range of emotions, dear,” Pandora sighed. She was now playing with Dorcas´ braided hair.
"No, ugh. I just don´t know how to say it,” he groans.
“So you´d rather describe it as you shitting your pants,”
“Let me live, Dora,” Regulus sighed. The alcohol in his system was making it harder than it already was, they can be glad he´s telling them something.
“Moving on, what nearly sent me to coma was finding out the kid is already five-years old,” he said and watched with amusement as his friends, one by one, bulged their eyes.
“So he had a child at-” Evan started, quickly doing the math on his fingers. “At nineteen?!”
“This is the thing,” Regulus continued. “He didn't?”
“Okay, you need to elaborate.” Evan frowned.
“It´s his boyfriend´s. So practically it´s not even his kid, you know but-”
“Regulus what the actual fuck. Your fucking family, I swear to God...” Evan muses while the rest silently waited for some explanation of the bizarre situation he had placed himself in.
“Well, I don´t really know the details, but basically his boyfriend fucked with his best friend –please, don´t ask, I don´t know either – they had the child but Sirius being Sirius... Um, I don´t think he was even angry about it?” He wiggled his brows in confusion.
“So, yeah, something along those lines,” Regulus said tiredly. “But it seems like they make it work. Somehow.” He thinks of Sirius running with Teddy on his arms, spinning him around and Remus watching them both with a fond smile on his face. He thinks of the Christmas dinner, how Sirius was tending to Teddy and how Remus light the sparklers with him. He once again thinks of James Potter and his smile and then curses inwardly.
“But still, you could´ve just told us Reg,” Dorcas said sadly. “We all understand what you have to feel right now at the moment,” she sighed. “But you really could´ve told us.”
“Yeah, didn´t have to get my knuckles all bloody,” Evan said jokingly but it stung Regulus.
He looked down at his own hands, not saying anything. Now it felt just stupid.
In the corner of his eye, he could see Barty take Evan´s hand in his own, examining the still bruised fist.
“I´m sorry about it,” he said quietly. If they were in bigger room, it might even go unheard, but by his friend´s reaction he knew they all heard him well.
“It´s not like I´ll go there again, so that´s that.” Regulus continued with finality in his voice. He doesn´t want to talk about this anymore, he just wants to spend time with his friends.
Pandora´s head snapped right up, searching his face. “Regulus.” She said firmly.
“I went there, I saw what I saw, I think the kid will be alright, oddly enough. I really don´t have a reason to go there again.”
“He´s your brother, you dumb fuck,” Evan says unbelievingly. Regulus looks at him, like that´s something relevant and he can see Evan´s chest rise and fall with frustration.
“Yeah, he´s been for the last twenty-four years, great observing skills Rosier,” he said flatly.
“Hey!” Barty snapped. Oh, for fuck´s sake, they really need to talk their shit out. Him and Evan.
“All I´m saying is that you should not give up like that. It´s pathetic,” Evan continued, clearly ignoring all of Barty´s angry huffs and rolling eyes.
“It´s not pathetic,” Regulus said.
“Yeah it kind of is, if you ask me,” Dorcas said. He started to open his mouth before he realised what they´re doing. He´s not going to play this reversed psychology game with them.
“I don´t care about anything you think or say at this point,” He settled for instead, reaching out for the bottle of wine.
“You should at least introduce us sometime, what if we want to invite him to the wedding?” Dorcas stated, half joking half serious.
“Oh, trust me, you wouldn´t want to do that,” Regulus murmured.
“Well, I´d like to know that myself.” she said.
“You know-” Pandora started but he was just not having it anymore.
“Okay for fuck´s sake. I might stay in touch with him. Are you lot happy now?” Regulus rolled his eyes.
“Are you saying it just because you want us to shut up?” Dorcas dared a pefect arched eyebrow at him.
“Yes and no,” he says.
“Prove it.” Barty challenged.
“How do you want me to fucking prove it?” Regulus asks, a vacant smirk ghosts on his lips.
“I don´t know,” he shrugged, but by the tone of his voice Regulus knew he knows very well. “Call him maybe.” That wasn´t that bad.
“Right now,” Barty continued. Regulus raised his arms and pulled out his phone. They were all watching him closely.
He clicked on his brother´s contact. Regulus wasn´t even sure he´ll pick up, he has no idea what time it is for him now. When the phone rang once Barty´s lips suddenly curled up in a mischievous manner and he says,: “And invite him over.” The fucking-
“Yes, Regulus? Hello?” Sirius´s voice cut through the tension in the room. He sounded tired but his voice was hopeful. Regulus sent a glare to Barty, flicking him off and he speaks as he shakes his head.
“Hello Sirius.” He doesn´t know what to really say. He could just hang up and leave it be, but he knew his friends would not have that.
“Do you need anything, Reggie?” Sirius asked in that hopeful mannor again. Regulus´ stomach lurked.
“Um,” he cleared his throat. “Well, I was wondering...”
Barty was looking at him, still smirking like the fucking devil he is, nodding his head, indicating that he goes on.
Regulus hates him.
“Would you like to come over some time?” He let it out quickly, in one breath. The room fell silent and Sirius on the other side too. Regulus actually can´t believe what he´s doing right now. His throat tightened with real anticipation, waiting for the answer.
“I-” Sirius lets out, seemingly moving around. Why is it taking him so long to answer?
“We´d love to.” He finally answers. “We´d love to come sometime, but...” Sirius groans painedly.
“I´m afraid we can´t any time soon, Reggie. I-”
“You know what, that´s fine,” Regulus says. “You don´t have to, I was just wondering.”
The others couldn´t hear Sirius but based on Regulus´ sudden change of tone they all looked at each other warningly.
“No, Reggie, please let me explain, it´s really not like you think it is,” Sirius leaped, practically begging.
“I don´t need to hear it,” Regulus says. “I´m sure you have a valid reason.” And with that he hangs up.
“Why are you fucking looking at me like that? I told you it was complicated,” Regulus huffed at Barty, who wasn´t smiling anymore. In fact, any one of his friends weren´t smiling or in anticipation anymore.
“Very well Regulus,” Evan said. “You´ve acting like a total dick.”
Pandora glared at him and stood up from the floor, walking over to Regulus.
“He didn´t want to and yet you still made him,” She smacked Barty on the back of his head on her way to Regulus. He yelped, scratching the place she hit him. “He said dick things but I guess for a reason,” She continued. She looked Regulus in the eyes, taking his hand.
Relaxing, he stood up with her. She was leading him to his room.
He was glad she was holding him steadily, because he kept bumping into things. Slowly, they reached his dark bedroom.
Pandora turned on the lights, to which he winced at, covering his eyes. She sat down with him on his bed after closing the door.
“Regulus,” she said lovingly, looking right at him. She started rubbing his back gently, in smoothing circles.
“From keeping missing him you need him to stay,” Dora now whispered. She knew everything about Sirius. He told her everything she asked anyway.
“I don´t know what I want.” Regulus´ voice was rough and cracking, and he let her take all of his weight.
“Well, it seems to me that you know perfectly what you want, love,” she said, her hot breath tickling his ears. She now reached into his hair, brushing patters there with her fingers. He could fall asleep right here and now.
“I don´t want to want,” Regulus whispered too, finally unlocking everything he kept inside for so long.
“There´s nothing wrong about wanting to be loved, Regulus.” And that- right that punched all of the air in his lungs out. He closed his eyes shut, remaining quiet.
“You´re allowed to love and are allowed to be loved.” She continued when he didn´t. “Even when it hurts. Even if it´s by your stupid brother which you claim to hate so much.” There was trace of humour in her voice now, lighting up the situation.
“You are a terrible actor Regulus Black, I just want you to know that.” He finally opened his eyes, letting out a small laugh.
“What you can´t deny- is that he once was and forever will be your brother under any circumstances, and you can´t change that,” she said lightly. Regulus just hummed, listening to her steady heartbeat.
“You two, being both hammerhead sharks, as it seems, hurt each other in the past, but you still love him and he loves you too.” Pandora placed her hands on his face, cradling his cheeks and looking him straight in the eye. “Now get it in your big, thick head,” she says. “You´re not a fucking shark but a human being, understand? So, act like it.” That makes him tug on his smile, he´s desperately trying to fight it, but it´s Pandora and he can´t help it.
“Now get your ass to sleep,” she commands, already standing up and switching off the lights.
“But what about the others-”
“Don´t worry, I´ll talk with them.” She winked at him and slowly slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her. Regulus can faintly hear the clatter of glass and chatter fading out. Soon, he hears the main door close and he knows he´s alone.
He wakes up the next morning and panics when he sees the light outside his window. He quickly rolls on the side of the bed, searching for the alarm clock on his bedside table. It reads 11:24 and he swears, groaning into his hands.
Next, Regulus checks his phone. There´s ten missed calls – three are from Sirius, still from last night, he must have been already sleeping, and the remaining seven were from work. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he breaths, as he tries calling back but no one answers.
After fifteen minutes he gives up, groaning, screaming into his pillow and throws his phone away, somewhere on the bed. Regulus can´t fucking believe it. He must have slept over all of his alarms and the calls. He is just so drained these past couple of months, that when he finally was able to sleep peacefully his unconscious latched onto that and wouldn't let go. Nice.
Although, he has to admit he feels a great deal better already. His head or eyes don´t hurt, along with his neck. He didn´t slept so well in a long time.
On the other hand, he probably doesn´t have to worry about his jobe anymore.
Because he doesn´t have one anymore.
Nice.
Regulus,slowly, makes himself at peace with the fact and gets up.
He pads into the kitchen, still wearing his pyjamas and makes himself some tea. Today´s a nice day. The sun is shining high but the winter breeze wakes him up. He opens the windows fully, letting the wind get through his whole flat. Regulus decides that he likes cold mornings. He likes the feeling of the breeze on his skin, making his cheeks and nose red.
While he waits for his tea to brew, he decides to take the trash from yesterday out.
And what about the fact that he´s most probably fired. He doesn´t care, they can lick his dick if he´s honest.
Regulus puts on his slippers and throws on a black hoodie before heading out. He almost stumbles on a weird box when he starts walking out of the door.