Wednesday is calmly writing in her room. Thing by her side, kicking unwanted pages into the bin. She calmly types away on her vintage typewriter when all of a sudden she hears a loud bang on the floor. Wednesday emotionlessly turns around to see a smelly, emo grunge man lying on her floor. She has Thing ready the taser as she steps towards him, but then suddenly he reaches out to grab her ankle. Then he utters these terrifying words:
“Hello Wednesday Addams. I’m so glad that I can finally meet you, as we have so much in common. You finally know what it's like. You know what it’s like to be torn down and memeified by the internet. Welcome to your new life.”
Suddenly Wednesday felt something shift. She felt something she’d only felt when Nero had died, or when Thing almost did. She felt … emotion? She felt the need to pull the smelly emo man up off the floor. After she did so, she felt an external force push her to grab her cello. All of a sudden, Wednesday’s fingers started playing a melody she had never heard before, a melody that felt so foreign, yet so natural at the same time. Then she heard the lyrics, and she felt that this song, this man, was her life’s purpose (not in a romantic way):
“Chrissy wake uup! I don’t like this! Chrissy wake uuuup! Hey, hello! Time to wake up, time to wake up, can you hear me? Wake up Chrissy! I don’t like this Chrissy wake uuuup!”
Next thing she new, Wednesday’s blasted mother and father fell out of nowhere onto her floor. Gomez immediately popped up and connected a bedazzled Thing to a string on the ceiling, where he spun like a disco ball. Then, Morticia began to break dance to the beautiful tune, while Gomez beatboxed a beat for the song. Suddenly, Enid bursts in, and is horrified by what she sees.
“WEDNESDAY!?!?!?! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!?!?!”
“I’ve been Eddie Munsonified pookie. This is the new me.”
After delivering this mundane statement, Wednesday imitated Eddie’s infamous devil horns and tongue sticking out face. This pushed Enid over the edge, and she ran out of the dorm, destroyed.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid is devastated by the loss of her truly beloved. Another beautiful soul sacrificed to the Eddie Munson curse. Hot rivers stream down her face as she runs to the quad, the only place she can think of. When she makes her way there though, she sees something that intrigues her. A beautiful wolf who she’s never seen before and a skrunkle skrimblo are sitting next to each other at a picnic table. She can feel the lesbian solidarity vibes radiating off of them and decides to walk over.
When Enid sits down, she is greeted by the two beautiful ladies with a nod and a long kiss on the mouth (in solidarity, they’re not gay (they are)). The skrunkle speaks first and says:
“So, what brings you here?”
“Oh, you know, I don’t know the love of my life anymore.”
“Aww, I’m sorry pooks. You seem like a nice girl,” the wolf interjected.
“I thought so, but this stupid guy ruined the skrunkle pookie bear love of my life.”
“I feel that,” the blond said, “my goofy gay bestie got me stuck here and ruined my life. One moment we’re running from this deadly monster, and the next I’m in a dark hallway in a weird castle place. He’s just upset that he farted on his boyfriend’s dick and got broken up with though (this is an actual fic, but it’s DreamNotFound, it's called: ok then, fart on my dick),”
“Hey, my life was ruined by a man too. This stupid guy at my high school keeps trying to get with me and now I can’t find a hawt azz gf.”
“Wow,” Enid responds, “I guess we’re all just sad lesbians who keep getting cock blocked (I wanted to say pussy blocked but I thought it was too vulgar) by dumb guys who can’t control themselves. You guys are really hot, I-I MEAN, helpful.”
“No problem, I’m Robin by the way,” the cutie pie says.
“Yeah, and I’m Claudeen, Claudeen Wolf,” responds the wolfie pookie.
“Thanks, Robin and Claudeen. I think I might stay here for a while. Even though it’s pouring rain right now. I’m Enid by the way.”
Enid and the two other girlies then sit there in silence, enjoying the company.
“You know,” Enid speaks up, “There’s another girl at Nevermore who I think might be a bit girlypop! Her name is Bianca.”
“Is she ho-”
“YES OMG SHE’S GORGEOUS”
“Alright then,” says Claudeen, “Lets go find this Bianca girl.”
Then, the trio set out on a mission. A mission to find Bianca.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, we see Tyler working at the Weathervane. It’s a normal day for Tyler, he’s just doing his thing. But then, he notices a rancid odor. He looks up to see a 4’11 man in a bright yellow maid dress with crusty looking shit brown hair with a massive ahoge and the worst teeth he’s ever seen. When he makes his way up to the counter, Tyler tries his best to hold his composure but he can’t stand the smell. Before he can even say, “Hi, may I take your order?” the man yells out:
“OI! CAAN EYE GET ME SUM COOFEE INNIT?!?!?! I WAN A BRED COOFEE, NOINTY NOINE PUHCENT BREAD, AND ON PUHCENT COOFEE! ISS DELICIOUS INNIT?!?!”
Poor Tyler didn’t know how to respond, but then he felt a cold hand on his shoulder. A very creepy, raw flesh looking monster gave Tyler a sympathetic look and said:
“Don’t worry Tyler. He is scary at first, but you will get used to him. We understand you, we know what you are.”
Tyler responded confused, “What?”
Then a young platinum blond man in a long cloak, a shaggy looking man in a teal tunic, and a big man in a kiss the chef apron walked in and smiled at him. Tyler was dragged into a booth and shoved into the corner. He was too weirded out and shocked to speak, but he had no need to.
“It’s okay Tylah, this is an intahvention, weah hea for you,” said the blond boy.
“Yeah Tyler! Today’s challenge is to admit your trueeee feelings!!!”
“W-w-what? I need to get back to my jo-”
“DUN WOURRY ABOU THA TYLAH!!! HIS HUSBAND’S GOT AT COVAHED”
Tyler looked over to the counter to see the big man in the apron serving up customer’s orders.
“Now, back to what we were talking about,” the flesh man said, “Tyler, we know that may be a bit … zesty. And We want you to know that on behalf of the villains of the multiverse, we stand by you. You are loved”
Tyler was shocked. He had never felt a love or acceptance like this before. And even though he had never met any of these men, his daddy and mommy issues allowed him to let go for a minute.
“Thank you,” he whispered, “Thanks you guys so much.”
“No problem dude! We support each other,” said the narcissistic reality show host said.
While the villains were sharing this intimate moment, a small psycho-crazy chicken broke through the window next to their booth and said:
“Get the gay up you gay bastards you’re all GAY”
Then he ran away. In a rage all of the men jumped up and chased after Small Fry. And that’s how they ended up in the quad. But why in the world was everyone else also there?
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now we go back to before this happened. Resident tortured artist Xavier Thorpe was angstily painting an angsty painting in his teen angst shed. The blood red paint splattering on the canvas let him get lost, lost in his feelings and ideas and art. He was so deep into his painting that he almost didn’t notice the metal clanking against his foggy window. Almost. Xavier looked up for a minute and what he saw horrified him. There, in the middle of the woods, a defunct, broken down yellow rabbit robot was smiling at him outside his window. Then he noticed the smell, he knew what it was from working in the woods. A rotting corpse. In the blink of an eye, the rabbit was gone. But then he heard the knock on his door. Everything in Xavier told him to not open that door, but this weird compulsion in him overpowered all of his fear and he stepped towards the door. He slowly creaked the door open just to be hit with the pungent odor of rotting flesh. The rabbit was even more horrifying up close, the rusted metal and rotted nature of the robot unsettled Xavier to his core. The rabbit jumped at Xavier suddenly, knocking him over into a canvas and one of his tables. Xavier thought that this was the end for him, this was how he would die. All because his stupid brain told him to open the door for something so obviously dangerous. But then he felt the weight and smell being lifted off of him. He heard the munching of metal and looked up with a newfound horror to see a tiny little chicken chew up this defunct, rotting robot. Once the robot was gone, and the chicken had left, Xavier just laid there in shock, on the floor of his paint shed. What is happening? He thought. I need to find Bianca. And so he set off to find that mysterious little siren. (Sorry if this is unenergetic, I’m actually dying from exhaustion. I've been writing for hours with brony vids in the background.)
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bianca feels good today. She doesn’t know why, but she has a feeling that choir is going to be great today. As she makes her way to the quad, she notices that the once pouring down rain stops, right as she approaches. There sitting in the quad though, instead of her choir, were Enid, some blond chick, and a weird werewolf doll? She figured it was just one of Enid’s weird things, but she was curious as to who these new people were.
As she approached their table, she asked, “Hey Enid, uhhh, who are these people?”
“Oh! Bianca! We were just looking for you!” the colorful blond explains, “This is Robin, and this is Claudeen. We have an enticing proposition for you.”
“Oh yeah? And what would that be?”
“Join us, Bianca. You too can feel the lesbian solidarity with us.”
“What?” Bianca asked, confused.
“Oh come on, Bianca. We all know what you are. You and Yoko aren’t exactly discreet about it.”
Bianca blushed and looked shocked. In a whisper she said, “Okay, I’ll join your little club. But, just don’t tell anybody okay?”
“Deal!” Enid exclaimed.
Suddenly, they heard a loud bang come from the main doors. Standing there in the doorway were Wednesday, Eddie Munson, and Thing (carrying the cello). The peaceful atmosphere of the lesbians was interrupted as Enid saw her corrupted pookie pie. She burst into tears and yelled:
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE WEDNESDAY? YOU KNOW I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU! LEAVE! I CAN’T HANDLE SEEING YOU LIKE THIS!”
Wednesday couldn’t even feel her beloved’s pain as she only felt the urge to play Chrissy Wake Up. She rebuttled:
“I know Enid, but you need to hear this song. It changed my life.”
“NO! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR STUPID SONG, AND I DON’T WANT TO BE NEAR YOUUUUU!”
The whole time, Robin was watching this catastrophe unfold. She looked over to her goofy gay bestie and yelled:
“Eddie, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO? Why is this emo girl obsessed with that dumb ass song you made?”
Eddie responded, “Oh my goood Rob, it’s not that big of a deal. I just taught her to accept her fate, the Eddie Munsification of her life.”
“You know what,” Robin responded, “I’m not even going to ask.”
While Robin had her head in her hands, she noticed the faint banging sounds in the distance. But every second they seem to be getting closer. She lifts her head to look around, when suddenly the wall across the quad EXPLODES and a bunch of weird looking dudes she’s never seen before, wait a minute, no, she’s seen one of them. VECNA? She sees the men burst through the wall and stand in a superhero v-formation looking powerful as a tiny crazed chicken runs across the quad. The chicken suddenly stops in front of the formation, and seems to gag for a minute before regurgitating a large, yellow, rotted robot who takes big heaving breaths as he is released from chicken prison. Everyone is dead silent, staring at the chicken and just everyone who they’ve never seen before. While everyone is staring in silence, Xavier runs through a door into the quad, searching for Bianca. He somehow doesn’t notice everyone else and runs up to Bianca saying:
“BIANCA! Oh my god I’ve had the craziest day.”
When he notices Bianca looking around stunned, he takes a minute to catch his breath and also look around. First, he sees Wednesday and her family next to this weird 80’s rocker type guy, then he notices Enid, some other girl, and a weird werewolf looking chick next to Bianca. Finally, he notices the crazy chicken from earlier and the rotting corpse robot, standing in front of Galpin and a bunch of other weird guys in a v-formation. He looks back to Bianca confused and she shushes him as he opens his mouth to say something. Bianca takes a moment to look down, then look around and just decides to say:
“You know what will fix this?”
All at once everyone yells, “The power of song!”
A piano suddenly appears out of nowhere and Bianca sits down to play a melody that she somehow knows from memory, yet has never played before. Thing crawls over to Wednesday with the cello and she takes a seat to start playing. As Wednesday and Bianca start to play in sync, everyone in the quad forms a choir and they all line up in rows. They all simultaneously sing Chrissy Wake Up, and everyone is united in solidarity. Morticia drops from the sky once again and begins to break dance beautifully, while Gomez drops a sick ass beat. Everyone has been cursed by Chrissy Wake Up, and there is no escaping. Even Chris McLean can’t bring himself to announce a challenge. The End.