Chapter 16
Dorcas ~
Dorcas woke up expecting to have a major earth shattering headache or at the very least feel worn down but none of her usual hangover effects were there. Everything felt like a normal morning, as if she’d just imagined last night. Everything felt normal until she went to move and arms tightened around her waist. Initially she was terrified, thinking some random creep had broken into her parents house and was beside her. She felt like screaming but quickly stopped herself when she looked down and was met by a messy mop of blonde splayed across her chest and the pillow. Dorcas layed stunned staring down at Marlene McKinnon, wrapped around her. She couldn’t even begin to fathom how they’d gotten here, last night was a complete blur in her mind.
Before she could collect her thoughts Marlene moved against her chest and somehow pulled her in closer by the waist. Dorcas tried to push Marlene’s arms from around her, not wanting to make Marlene uncomfortable, she probably wouldn’t want to wake up wrapped around someone she didn’t mean to be. Dorcas slipped out of Marlene's grip just for her to throw her arms back around her and pull her in, grumbling mindlessly next to her, deep in sleep. Dorcas was mentally kicking herself. How the hell did she manage to get herself this deep in? It started off so harmless; 1st year - flying classes.
Dorcas started Hogwarts a year later than she should’ve, her cousin started the year she was supposed to start and her mother didn’t want the two butting heads in school. So, Dorcas was the eldest in her year. She thought everyone would isolate her for it or treat her like an outsider. So, in her mind, the best plan of action was avoid all contact with everyone - that way no one would realise she was older than the rest of them. The plan did work for the first half of the year, she only ever spoke to her roomates; Delores Umbridge (stuck up asshole), Antonia Zabini (a bit shady but doesn’t bother Dorcas), Alecto Carrow (alright, just a bit odd). All in all, she did a great job of hiding herself. Being invisible was easy. Oh, but being invisible was impossible when Marlene McKinnon takes it upon herself to drag you into the limelight. 1st year - flying classes.
Marlene was a whizz at flying, the only people who rivalled her were James Potter and Antonia Zabini. Oh, and Dorcas. But she didn’t know that, not until she’d smoked out Potter and Zabini and was looking to challenge other people.
“Oi! You! Forgot ya name but come on up ‘ere!” She’d screamed over to Dorcas. Dorcas was so used to no one acknowledging her existence, it’d shocked her. “Yeah, you! Haven’t seen you fly, wanna give it a go?” She’d asked, the excitement of a possible challenge lighting up her eyes. Dorcas had just nodded, not trusting her voice. The second they’d gotten on their brooms, Dorcas was off. Marlene, far behind. It’d driven Marlene nuts, she’d challenged Dorcas everyday for the remaining months of 1st year and she didn’t stop challenging her until she’d won… until Dorcas had let her win. Dorcas let her win. Hanging out with Marlene made her anxious and grossly sweaty. Her heart was always beating at two times speed around her and any time she’d touched her (which was a lot) Dorcas felt like fainting. Eventually it just felt unhealthy to be near her, so of course she let her win and cut off all contact.
Dorcas and Marlene hadn’t spoken since 1st year… well… until 5th year. 5th year - divination classes. The Professor had split Marlene and Sirius up for the week because they kept threatening to smash the crystal ball on each other's heads. Of course the Professor had decided to switch Marlene with Caradoc Dearborn (Dorcas’ divination buddy). Marlene was sat next to Dorcas for the rest of the week and Marlene being Marlene, she did not shut up. Marlene’s inability to shut her mouth made Dorcas realise a few things. 1) There is never nothing to talk about, people who say that just haven’t met Marlene McKinnon. 2) Divination classes are long when you’re praying for their ending. 3) Dorcas still gets nauseous when Marlene touches her. 4) Dorcas now knows what that means. 5) Godrick, she missed when she didn’t know what that meant.
The week with Marlene was excruciating, Dorcas made a full of herself a thousand times over, while Marlene just spoke about anything that came to her mind (Dorcas wishes she didn’t find that so attractive). But, no matter how badly Dorcas messed up, nothing comes close to their last day of divination together. The Professor had bought out crystal balls and asked us all to try to conjure up a happy future memory of us and our seating partner. Dorcas was convinced the furthest future memory she’d find of her and Marlene was graduation day… Godrick, why couldn’t it have been graduation day.
Truth is, Dorcas messed up the conjure. Her heightened emotions must’ve gotten in the way because she’d conjured up a daydream - not a future memory.
“Alright, how do we start this thing?” Marlene asked while juggling the ball in her hands.
“You’re going to drop that.” Dorcas said cooly, trying to keep the panic from reaching her tone.
“Am not.” Marlene spun the ball on her finger to prove a point. Dorcas could feel the anxiety running through her bones.
“Well, put it down anyway because we need it for this.” Dorcas rolled her eyes coldly as if being this close to Marlene wasn’t burning her inside and out. Marlene put the ball on the stand and tapped it.
“What happens now? Do we like- command it to turn on?” Marlene questioned.
“No, we um- well we have to hold hands and both cast the same spell on it at the same time.” Dorcas fought the croaks in her voice away.
“Sweet.” Marlene grabbed onto Dorcas’ hand casually and put her wand to the crystal ball.
If Dorcas could go back in time she’d have never done the spell. They’d both put their wands to the crystal and said the charm in unison; “Beatior quam umquam”. An image lit up across the crystal in an instant. It was Marlene but she was older, her hair was pink at the ends and she had a few piercings. She was talking with Barty casually - as if that’s something they’ve ever done. A few seconds had passed of just Marlene talking to Barty, then Dorcas showed up, she was older too, her hair had little bits of gold braided into it and she had a nose piercing. She’d walked up to Marlene and wrapped her arms around her.
Marlene - the real life one - had turned to look at Dorcas, “Looks like we’re right friends in the future.” She’d smiled brightly. She’d been looking at Dorcas but Dorcas was looking at the crystal. Marlene and Dorcas had stood there holding onto each other before Marlene had leaned up and left a kiss on her lips. Dorcas had kicked the table causing the crystal ball to fall to the ground and smash open. All she’d wanted was for Marlene not to see what she’d accidentally projected into the crystal ball. But, of course Dorcas had forgotten a major rule about crystal balls.
Once the ball hit the floor it cracked open, glass shattered across the floor. Marlene had ran over to start picking up pieces before she was stopped by a vision being projected to life in front of them. It was the image from the crystal ball. Right there. Like a holographic picture happening right in front of them. Dorcas doesn’t remember what happened next, all she remembers is running to Pandora and crying to them.
Dorcas and Marlene didn’t talk again until the bet. After the bet started, it’s like Marlene was pushing herself into all aspects of Dorcas’ life. Dorcas saw her everywhere. Marlene was talking to her constantly. Sending her letters in the middle of the night. Sneaking around the corridors with her. Everyday was filled with Marlene. All her senses had grown accustomed to Marlene. Everyday with Marlene was etched into her mind scene by scene, as if a transcriber had sat through it all. Everyday with Marlene, except for last night. Every moment with Marlene, except for the one that landed her curled up in Dorcas’ bed.
While Dorcas sat there scrapping her mind for any details of last night, Marlene woke up, shuffling next to Dorcas. Dorcas looked down and was met with big brown almond eyes. Dorcas felt her cheeks heat up.
“Mornin’, you sleep alright?” Marlene stretched out like a cat. “Think I slept in a weird position, my neck hurts.” She yawned.
“Yeah, we did fall asleep in a pretty weird position.” Dorcas felt guilt gnawing at her stomach.
“Yeah? What’d you wake up to that was so weird.” Marlene grinned up at her with that big cheshire cat smile of hers.
“Same way you did.” Dorcas laughed awkwardly but passed it off as confidence.
“I woke up hugging you?” Marlene stated, confusion in her tone.
“Yeah, I don’t know how that happened. Sorry, by the way.” Dorcas apologised.
“‘Sorry’? You’re apologising? Why are you apologising?” Marlene’s smile dropped immediately. “You don’t remember last night…. You don’t remember last night, do you?” Marlene pressed.
“Honestly, no, not really. I remember leaving the party and coming back to mine with you… that’s pretty much it.” Dorcas admitted. Marlene's face immediately lost all emotion, going back to neutral. The only thing exposing her true feelings were her deep flushed cheeks. “I’m sorry. Did something happen last night that I’m supposed to remember?” Dorcas asked.
“No, nothing of importance.” Marlene pushed herself up from the bed, making her way to the door in seconds.
“Wait!” Dorcas sprung up and shut the door before Marlene ran off. “I’m sorry I don’t remember. I- I was drunk- I think? I don’t know. I’m sorry.” Dorcas apologised.
“That’s fine. It wasn’t important.” Marlene lied.
“No, no, no, it clearly was important. What did I miss?” Dorcas pleaded.
“Oh, nothing. You know, just me pouring out all my feelings and you reciprocating. As I said; nothing of importance.” Marlene’s words shot to kill.
She turned to storm out again but Dorcas held the door shut and turned her back around to face her, “Please, just stop. I’m sorry, I was drunk. Obviously what you said wasn’t nothing and I’m sorry I forgot it but I need to hear it again… if it’s what I think it is I can’t let you go without telling me.” Dorcas begged.
“I already told you, Cass. It’s not my fault you forgot it.” Marlene spat angrily but tears welled at the corners of her eyes.
“I know, I know, it’s my fault and I’m sorry, I’m an idiot. Can you lecture me about it later?”
“Lecture you about it lat- Dorcas, I told you everything. I opened up about how I feel- I never do that… I don’t think you understand that I never ever tell people how I feel but I told you. I told you exactly how I felt and you forgot it.” Marlene’s tears threatened to spill.
“I know, I know, I’m so fucking sorry. I was drunk, Marlene. Please.”
“I just- Do you seriously not remember?” Marlene looked up at her with pleading eyes.
“No, I don’t.” Dorcas felt the guilt eating away at her.
“You took me back to yours because the party was getting too much… you let me sleep in the guest room but-”
“But it was storming and you don’t like storms, so you came in here.” Dorcas recalled.
“Yes! So, you do remember?” Marlene sounded hopeful.
“Partially?”
“Well, I’ll lead you along then… maybe you’ll keep remembering.”
“Why can’t you just tell me again?” Dorcas asked.
“Because It was hard enough the first time, Cass.” Marlene admitted. “Anyways, so I came in here and you let me stay the night, do you remember what happened next?”
“No, continue.”
“Well, our backs were pressed against each other and-”
“You moved away… you got up and went to leave- you said it was all too much… What was too much?” Dorcas looked down at her, begging for answers.
“I couldn’t do it, Dorcas. I couldn’t sit there that close to you and just act like it was all okay. I couldn’t pretend like all I felt was nothing.” Marlene admitted.
“You- You gave me something. What did you give me?” Dorcas turned on her heels and ran over to her bedside table, looking through her drawers. “A letter? You gave me a letter? What’s it about?”
“Read it.”
“Read it to me.” Dorcas asked.
“Can’t you read or somethin?” Marlene remarked.
“I’d rather hear you read it.” Dorcas admitted.
Marlene’s cheeks flushed, she walked over and plucked the letter from Dorcas’ grip. “Fine.” Marlene walked over and sat on the bed, expecting Dorcas to follow. She did, of course. “It’s- I wrote it a while ago… remember the night we broke into Mcgonagall’s office to steal back a spelled quill she confiscated?” Marlene asked, Dorcas nodded in reply. “Well, I wrote this that night… I couldn’t sleep, so I wrote to you.”
“You never sent it?”
“It was late.”
“You always send me owls at night, it’s nothing out of the ordinary.”
“It’s- I wasn’t ready…”
“And you’re ready now?”
“If you’d have me.” Marlene admitted, barely above a whisper.
“Read it.” Dorcas told her.
Marlene drew in a shaky breath, “‘Dear Dorcas, I had a lot of fun tonight, thanks for getting back my quill. The best part though, was definitely running from Mrs Norris. You grabbed onto my hand and pulled me along with you. We were screaming like madmen, do you remember?’” Marlene’s voice shook, “‘I wish we could do stuff like that forever. Do you think we’ll know each other forever? I think we’ll know each other forever. We have to know each other forever, there’s no other logical reason for me to feel the way I do if it wasn’t forever. Sometimes when we’re together all I can think of is…’” Marlene looked up and Dorcas softly, “‘Why am I only doing all this now? Why haven’t you been here since the start? Why are we only now running from crazed cats and stealing quills from teachers offices now? Where have you been all this time? Who kept you from me?’” Marlenee looked back down to the letter, “‘Do you ever think those things, Cass? Do you even believe in forever? If you don’t, I’ll convince you to believe in it… at least I’d like to be the person who makes you believe there's a forever.’” Marlene’s voice shook as she recited her own words, “‘I don’t want anyone else to teach you about forever… I don’t think I want you to have forever with anyone who isn’t me.’”
Marlene looked back up at Dorcas for a small second, “‘You were beautiful tonight, Cass.’” Marlene looked back down at her letter with flushed cheeks, “‘I wish you’d seen you, Dorcas. You’d think you were beautiful too. I thought you were beautiful. Did you think I was beautiful?” Marlene’s voice shook, “Or handsome, or dashing, or pretty or anything but ugly… Actually, I’m okay with you thinking I’m ugly, at least you’re thinking of me. Any press is good press, right? Do you think of me, Dorcas?’” Marlene looked up at Dorcas with longing eyes, “‘Yours only, Marlene.’”
“You never sent it…” Dorcas sat dazed staring at Marlene. “Why didn’t you send it?”
“You would’ve stopped talking to me.”
“I would’ve started talking to you MORE.” Dorcas exaggerated. “Have you written me other unsent letters?”
“.... Maybe…” Marlene admitted.
“Oh, you have to let me read them.”
“No.”
“Marlssss.”
“No. I’d literally rather die.” Marlene folded the letter up to put in her pocket.
Dorcas snatched the letter from her hand, “Oh no, this is mine.” Dorcas sang.
“What? Cass, give it back!” Marlene reached over to grab it. “It’s mine.” Marlene protested.
“Doesn’t that mean it’s mine then?” Dorcas quirked her eyebrow at her.
“What?”
Dorcas opened up the letter dramatically, “If I’ve read this correctly it says, ‘Yours only, Marlene.’ Now I’m no stifler for wording and grammar and all that shit butttt, if I’ve read that right, which I have, if you’re mine and the letters yours by extension it’s also mine.” Dorcas sang.
Marlene lunged at Dorcas trying to snatch the letter from her hands, “You’re such an ass! You can’t use my stupid rose coloured glasses words against me!”
“Oh, but I can.” Dorcas joked. Marlene lunged at the letter but this time tripping over her feet, Dorcas caught her and held her up. Marlene looked up at her and looked genuinely upset. “Marls? What’s wrong? I thought we were okay now?”
“We are.” Marlene lied.
“You don’t look okay.”
“We are fine. I am not. There’s a difference.” Marlene threw her a fake smile.
“What’s bothering you?” Dorcas pressed.
“I guess drunk you just feels more for me than sober you… I got accustomed to that, maybe? So, now this just feels like I’ve lost.” Marlene admitted.
“Lost?”
“Well, last night, even though it was brief and just cuddling, I got to feel what it would be like to have you… now, having you the way I do just feels like a loss.”
“But you do have me-”
“It’s not the same-”
“But it is! Marlene, I am as much yours as you are mine. I’m sorry I’m not good at saying things like this, maybe my drunk self was better? But here’s my shitty sober attempt at it. I’m yours, Marlene. I do believe in forever and my forever is yours.” Dorcas held tightly to Marlene’s waist.
“Mine?” Marlene drew in a breath, moving in closer to Dorcas, practically pressing herself to her. “Like, really, really, mine?”
“Yours only.” Dorcas mimicked Marlene’s letter.
Marlene stepped onto her tip toes, reaching up to press her lips to Dorcas’. Dorcas pulled her in by her waist tightly. Marlene broke the kiss first, throwing her arms around the back of Dorcas’ neck. “Now that that’s over, can we please go back to bed, I’m dying.” Marlene droned.
“Anything you want, Mon seul.” Dorcas whispered by her ear.
“You speak French?”
“Yeah, Reggie taught me back in third year because I had a massive crush on his cousin and was trying to flirt with her. My French sucks though.” Dorcas admitted.
“What’d you say then?” Marlene giggled.
“‘Mon seul’ means; ‘My only.’” Dorcas smiled, pressing another soft kiss to Marlene's smirk.
“Mon seul.” Marlene repeated in butchered French, while pulling Dorcas back over to bed. “I like that.” Marlene decided.
“Do you, now?” Dorcas raised her eyebrows at her, pulling her down into bed with her. Dorcas wrapped her arms around Marlene and pressed a small kiss to her forehead, “Mon seul, mon seul, mon seul.” Dorcas whispered on like a broken record smothering Marlene in kisses.