Chapter 8
James~
It’s the first day of Easter break and Regulus has been distant, James has tried to find him but he’s isolated himself. Sirius isn’t around either, he’s locked himself in his room and is refusing to talk about whatever's bothering him (though, James got him to promise he’d talk to him tonight). So, James was virtually alone. He hates being alone. So, like he always did when he felt lonely as a kid, he went and found his mum.
She was in her art studio. It was always the brightest room in the house, windows that arched just under the ceiling; always drawn open. The door was always open, she hated the thought that people might leave her to herself in there.
James walked in plopping himself down on the easel next to her, “Can I draw with you, Mum?” He asked.
“If you’re going to draw, you’re going to finish one of the ten you haven’t.” She stood up walking over to her stack of his unfinished paintings. “Finish this one for me, JJ? Always wanted to see where you were going with it.” She smiled at him softly, mussing his hair as she set it in front of him.
“To be honest, I wasn’t going anywhere with it. It was just squiggles.” James admitted making his Mother laugh out. She always laughed so loudly, she refused to stifle any laughs.
“Well then, make something of it for me.” She smiled, sitting down on the seat next to his. “JJ, what’d I say about drawing on your hand?” She raised her eyebrows at him, still smiling fondly.
“If I’m going to do it-”
“Which you shouldn't.”
“Which I shouldn’t. But if I were to, I have to use ink that’s safe for my skin.” James concluded, smiling up at his Mother.
“Is it skin safe ink?” She questioned.
“No but-”
“Go wash it off and use safer ink.” She cut in.
“I can’t wash it off, it’s important.” James pleaded.
“Write it on paper.” Effy handed him a paper and pen.
“Noooo, I can lose a paper, I can’t lose my hand.” James argued.
“You never know.” Effy sang.
“Mum, I can’t rub it off.”
“Why not? What’s it say?” She questioned.
“It’s French, so I’m not sure. Waiting to ask Sirius but he’s not feeling well, so I’m just going to keep it to myself until he’s feeling better.” James informed her.
“Maybe that’s not for the best, James. You’re not going to be any help to Sirius if you’re just thinking about how he can help you once he feels better. I learnt a bit of French back at Hogwarts, I had a French friend…” Effy’s smile faltered. “Let me read it, I’ll give it a shot.”
James held his hand out to his Mother, “I’m not sure if it’s spelt right… or if it’s even readable.” James warned. Effy inspected his hand, which read: ‘Rehgarhd illes etwol, mon solae key brie justoo poor mwah’.
“You really just guessed how to spell it, didn’t you?” Effy asked, laughing softly.
“Yes, it’s not like he would’ve spelled it out for me if I asked.” James commented.
“Who? Someone said this to you?” Effy looked down at him, her eyes soft, her smile proud.
“Yeah, Reggie. So, what’s it say?” Effy’s eyes blew wide.
“James, are you sure he said this? ‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi?’ Did he say that?” Effy question, her french broken up but close enough to what Regulus had said.
“Yes, that’s exactly what he said. A bit smoother, though.” James’ smile lit up.
“Well, I could be wrong but I’m quite sure I’m correct… it says; ‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’ Which means-”
“You’re stalling? Is it bad? Did he call me something mean? If he did it’s just his way of joking. He doesn’t mean it, not really.” James promised.
“No, no it’s not mean… well, it says… James, I don't think I should tell you this.” Effy admitted.
“Why not?” James asked, concern running through his tone.
“Well, you might get the wrong idea. I’m quite sure I’ve understood it wrong. I don’t want you to treat Regulus any differently because of this.” Effy said, holding onto James’ hand softly.
“Mum, I won’t. I promise. Nothing he could have said would change how I think of him.” James promised.
“And what is it you think of him, JJ?” Euphemia asked, hope in her eyes.
“He’s Regulus, of course I think highly of him.” James answered.
“Yes, but what do you think of him? In depth, JJ.” She squeezed his hand softly.
“I care about him a lot.” James answered, confused.
“That’s a feeling, not a thought.”
“...well, with Reggie, feelings and thoughts over lap… like a lot.” James felt heat rise to his cheeks.
“What do you mean?” Effy challenged.
“Well, it’s like… every thought I have about him, a feeling follows it. Do you know what I mean?” James questioned.
“Somewhat. Can you elaborate? Maybe it’d help if you gave me an example.” Effy offered.
“Okay… um, well let me think about it… For example, the other night we went and watched the stars-”
“You and Regulus?” Euphemia cut in.
“Yes, he loves the stars.” James’ eyes lit up, “Oh, you should’ve heard his stories! He told me about Cassiopeia and Andromeda. He told me all about Orpheus and Eurydice! It was awesome, very sad but awesome.” James smiled, thinking of Regulus. “What was it I was saying?”
Effy’s smile softened, “Your feelings and thoughts overlapping the other night when you watched the stars.”
“Oh, yes that. Well, when we were watching the stars, he told me about Orpheus and how he looked back and I said Orpheus was an idiot, but Reggie told me to think about; if I was Orpheus and I couldn’t hear or see my Eurydice-”
“Your Eurydice? Who’s your Eurydice?” Euphemia questioned, eyes alight.
“Well I imagined Regulus.” James smiled.
“Regulus was Eurydice… and you were Orpheus?” Euphemia’s smile quirked.
“Yes, because Regulus said Eurydice was ethereally beautiful.” James answered, thinking that it was obvious.
“So, your mind connected that to Regulus?”
“Of course. No one else really fits it.”
“What about Lily?” Euphemia challenged.
“Lily? What does this have to do with Lily?”
“Well, doesn’t she fit the mould of Eurydice’s ethereal beauty?” Euphemia questioned, causing James’ mind to stutter. Lily. He’d forgotten about Lily? She’s quite beautiful, James’ always thought that and still does. Is she a better fit for his Eurydice? But, Regulus is the perfect fit. No one fits it as well as him.
“Well- I suppose?” The answer felt wrong to James. “Well, maybe not… Not because Lily’s not beautiful! Because she is. She’s so beautiful. But, she’s more of an earthy kind of Beauty. You know?” James bargained.
“And Regulus’ beauty is more godlike?” Euphemia questioned.
“Yes! Yes, that exactly. I knew you’d understand.” James smiled brightly at her.
“Tell me more about your feelings and thoughts overlapping.”
“Well, it’s like that just then. I thought about Regulus’ beauty and it made me feel all red inside.” James answered.
“Red?” Euphemia quirked her eyebrow at him.
“Yeah, I don’t know how else to explain it. But, the feelings are red. But a maroon red.” James answered, thinking the answer was quite obvious.
“What’s maroon feel like?” His mother asked, rubbing circles into his palms.
“Hot but not burning, a nice hot. It feels really happy, like- like rain but nice rain.”
“Nice rain?”
“You know when- when you're in a bad mood but you’ve had a very big day, like there was a quidditch game on and you had to keep your team’s spirit up. So, you had to use all your energy, even though you didn’t have any to begin with?” Effy nodded along. “So, everything has been really hyper all day but you haven’t felt good. And then it rains and it feels like it’s matching you. So it’s calming because something finally matches you… yeah, that’s right. Maroon is the feeling when the rain is the only one who’s listening to you.” James smiled at the thought.
“And Regulus, he’s maroon?” Euphemia asked, her eyes looking glassy,
“Yeah, he’s always maroon.” James answered.
“Is anyone else Maroon?” She asked, making James’ mind stutter once again. Suddenly James can’t remember feeling maroon before Regulus. Maybe he had but he can’t remember it.
“No, I think it’s just Regulus.” James answered.
“‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’ It means; ‘Look at the stars, my Sun that shines just for me.’” Euphemia smiled at him softly.
“‘Look at the stars, my Sun that shines just for me.’” James smiled fondly, “I love how he thinks.”
Euphemia’s smile faltered, “What? What do you mean?”
“Well, everyone else sees the Sun as the Sun, obviously. But Reggie, he sees the stars as his Sun.” James smiled softly at Regulus’ brilliant mind.
“That’s what you think it means?” Effy questioned, confusion drawn on all her features.
“Yeah, of course. Does it mean something differently?”
Euphemia straightened up, “No, no, I’m sure you’re right. Go back to your painting, JJ. And please go wash the ink off your hand.” Effy smiled before going back to her work.
James was ecstatic, he finally knew what he’d said. Godrick, Regulus’ mind was beautiful. James wanted to paint the words all over his room, so he could see a piece of Regulus’ mind every day.
‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’
‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’
‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’
‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’
‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’
James painted with his Mother for the rest of the day. His squiggles that meant nothing became maroon. Maroon and the stars.
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Normally on the first day of break they’d all have dinner together, but Sirius wasn’t feeling well so they decided against it. James went off to look for Regulus again, set on asking him to go get dinner with him. It’d taken 20 minutes to find him but eventually he found him in the greenhouse.
“Reggie, it’s getting late. Maybe you should come back inside.” James said, plopping himself down on the seat opposite of Regulus.
“I’m reading.” Regulus replied, not looking up from his book.
“I see that but it’s getting cold and it’s late. Come inside.” James nudged his leg with his foot.
“I want to be alone.” Regulus answered coldly.
“Hey, me too! Let’s do it together.” James smirked, nudging Regulus again.
“That’s not being alone.”
“And who died and made you king? It’s alone if I say it’s alone. Come get dinner with me, Reggieeeee.” James sang.
“Why?” Regulus finally closed his book, bookmarking it with a Hogwarts express ticket.
“Because I haven’t seen you all day.” James whined.
“And?”
“Please.” James pleaded.
Regulus sighed dramatically, “Fine, I’ll come with you. Just let me get changed.” Regulus got up and walked right past James. “Where are we going?” Regulus asked, not even checking to see if James was behind him. See this is why he’s not Orpheus.
“I was thinking maybe just something simple, like burgers.” James jogged a little bit to be next to Regulus.
“You know it’s going to rain, right?” Regulus asked. James couldn’t see his face but he knew he was raising his eyebrows at him.
“So? We’ll bring an umbrella.” James grinned.
“And do Euphemia and Fleamont know about your dinner plans?”
“Yes, of course I asked.” No he did not.
“Is Siri coming?” Regulus asked, trying to dim his hopefulness.
“He’s not feeling well.” Regulus didn’t reply, he just kept walking. “Hey, I’ll wait for you on the veranda, okay?” James yelled after Regulus as he walked up the stairs.
James went straight to the living room where his parents were playing a board game and threw himself down dramatically to the couch opposite his parents. “Mother, Father, I’m in need of your support and assistance.” James spoke in his poshest British accent.
“What is the matter, Son?” Fleamont replied, also in a posh accent.
“I’ve made arrangements without seeking your approval.” James made an exaggerated fainting noise.
“You’ve made your way to the right acquaintances. What and when are these arrangements?” Monty rolled his R’s dramatically.
“Right now, with Reggie, getting burgers.” James dropped the accent, sitting up straight looking at his parents.
“No. Immediately, no.” Euphemia cut in.
“Please, I already told him you said yes.” James whined.
“Well then, un-tell him. It’s 10pm, you’re not leaving this house.” Monty ruled.
“Please, we’re just getting food we’ll be right back after.” James pleaded.
“No, James. It’s late, just eat here.” Monty finalised.
“Dad, I’m 17, it’s only 10.”
“James-”
“I can use my wand outside of Hogwarts.”
“James-”
“I’ll protect us, I promise.” James swore.
“JJ, I know you can but Regulus is 16, he can’t use his wand.” Euphemia rationalised.
“I’ll keep him safe. I’d never let anything happen to him, Mum.” James promised.
“You get food and you come right back, no detours.” Euphemia finally gave in.
James rushed over to her and wrapped his arms around her. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.”
James let go of her and went to run off to the viranda to meet Reggie, but she pulled him back down. “JJ, before you go… we just wanted to talk to you about something.” Euphemia smiled reassuringly.
“What’s up?” James answered.
“Well…” Euphemia looked to Monty for help.
“JJ, we just wanted to tell you we love you and… you know, we’d support you through anything.” Monty started.
“Really, we’re always here. No matter what, you’ll always be our James. You can tell us anything.” Effy added.
“I know.” James smiled, trying to ease the tension.
“Is there… Anything you want to tell us?” Monty asked hopefully.
“Maybe about Regulus?” Euphemia added.
“I don’t think so? Can I think about it?” James answered unsurely.
“Yes, of course.” Monty swore.
“Take your time sweetheart.” Effy smiled softly.
“We’ll never rush you through these things.” Monty promised, pulling James into a hug. James didn’t understand what was going on but he felt like crying.
“James?” James looked up to see Regulus standing at the living room entry, “Sorry, am I interrupting?” Regulus asked, backing away slowly.
James jumped up immediately, “No, no of course not! Sorry, we were just saying goodbye.” James smiled tightly. “Are you ready to go?” James stopped, finally looking at Regulus. He was wearing a long dark brown coat and tight black jeans and a creamy white shirt (James was sure it was Sirius’). He looked amazing. Right out of one of those magazine’s the Muggle girls fan over. “You look-” James stopped and couldn’t bring his thoughts together.
“I look?” Regulus cocked his eyebrow at him.
“Really nice, you look really nice.” James smiled, staring at Regulus.
“So, are we off then?” Regulus asked.
“Yeah, yeah of course. Let me just go get us an umbrella.” James bolted off upstairs.