There's This Girl...

Regulus~

The hallways were a mess - per usual. But everyone who passed Regulus seemed to be frantic in a way they only are when Regulus’ stupid brother and his idiotic friends have done yet another “hilarious” prank. Normally Regulus would keep walking (no he would not) but he can’t help the fact he’s a naturally curious person, so he followed the noise. He expected something stupid and his brother did not disappoint (gods, couldn’t he disappoint - just this once). It wasn’t even funny, just on the nose and stupid, so, so, stupid. Professor Slughorn sat outside his classroom tugging and pushing at the door. ‘Oh, why would he be doing that, Regulus?’ You may ask, well that’s quite simple, Sirius and his goons filled his room with slugs.

As he said - on the nose.

Regulus scanned the hall for his brother (not because he found it funny, of course. He just wanted to tell him how stupid it was to his face.) Instead his eyes fell on James Potter, as they always seemed to do recently. He’s sitting there all pretty looking giggling into Macdonald’s shoulder, Sirius right behind him, arm around Pettigrew laughing maniacally. If they think they’re acting inconspicuous, they’re either so far up their own asses or take us all for fools. Lupin seemed to be the only one with enough of a brain to blend into the shock of the crowd and at least is trying to smother his laughter.

“That’s enough, that’s enough! Move along, there’s really nothing to see.” Slughorn ushered red in the face, Sirius’ howl of laughter filled the hall.

Regulus crossed the hall and grabbed onto Sirius to pull him along with him. “You’re an idiot, also your jokes are dry and your laugh is the most hideous thing I’ve ever heard in my life and I’ve heard cousin Bellatrix talk ‘seductively’ on multiple occasions.” Regulus spat while pulling his brother away from Slughorn before the buffoon realised that it was him who’d done it.

“Yet you’re pulling me along with you, why's that, brother? Miss me?” Sirius pouted next to Regulus’ ear.

“No, I’m saving your ass from yet another detention.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Aww, you care.” Sirius cooed dramatically tugging on his brother’s shoulder.

Regulus went to reply but was cut off by the rest of Sirius’ goons catching up with them. Lupin threw his arm around Sirius’ shoulders and whispered something in his ear, they were so painfully obvious. Pettigrew strolled up giggling with James and his stupid skateboard he carried everywhere with him yet never even rode (seriously - what's the reason holding it if you can’t ride it at school - or as Regulus suspects: can’t ride at all).

“Reggie, come to congratulate us?” James smirked.

“Or are you here to tell us how awesome that was?” Peter giggled next to him.

“Maybe he’s here to tell us how we made his day.” Remus laughed along.

“Oh, you’re all wrong. He's just here to ridicule me, again.” Sirius fake pouted.

“You know, my Mum’s shrink would say that’s his way of showing he loves you, Padfoot. He simply cannot word it out of fear.” Peter said matter of factly.

“You’re Mums seeing a shrink? Since when?” Remus question.

“Since she found out that shrinks basically just hear you rant about your kids for an hour, then tell you something about yourself that you can just ignore if you please. She always pleases.” Peter smiled fondly.

“Is that true Regulus? Do you feel you can’t tell me you love me?” Sirius joked.

“If I told you to get fucked would you take that as a proclamation of my love as well?” Regulus challenged. Sirius looked to his goons before nodding sarcastically. “Then I advise you to do the opposite, think that means you might need to take a step back, Lupin.” Sirius sputtered while James and Pettigrew crowed.

“Whatever.” Sirius rolled his eyes, though his flustered cheeks sold him out. “Why’d you pull me off, anyways?” Sirius made sure not to joke this time.

“You were about to sell yourself out to Slughorn, I was helping believe it or not.” Regulus went to roll his eyes but stopped before he could look anything like his idiot of a brother.

“Well, you’ve taken the fun out of a prank, thanks Reg.”

“Well, I do live to ruin your day cher frère.”

Sirius laughed, “So, that's all? Nothing else?” He questioned.

“There was but,” Regulus eyed Sirius’ friends, “we’ll talk later.” Sirius nodded before grabbing Lupin and Pettigrew and strolling off screaming his goodbyes over his shoulder. “And why are you still here, Potter?” Regulus eyed James, who had yet to leave.

“Oh- I was just going to- to be perfectly honest I didn’t realise everyone else had left-” James laughed softly, beautiful idiot.

“I get the sense you don’t realise many things, Potter.”

“Are you calling me stupid?”

“Well the word I was thinking of was unaware but I guess you are rather daft.”

James laughed, Regulus insulted him and he laughed?

“You know you live in my house, right?” James questioned.

“Oh, really? I didn’t realise. Gods Potter, thanks for telling me I might have shown up at the wrong house come break.”

James laughed, again.

“I meant it more as, you can call me James. You know, first name basis stuff for people who share a bathroom.”

“Is sharing a bathroom the metric system for whether or not you can call someone by their first name?”

“Well, obviously I didn’t mean that.”

“If it’s the case I might start calling Slughorn, Horus. I’ve seen him use the Slytherin lavatories multiple times.”

“If calling Slughorn, Horus, makes you call me James instead of trying to intimidate me or whatever it is you get out of calling me, ‘Potter’, then go ahead” James grinned as if he’d just successfully bantered with Regulus.

“I’m afraid the kick I get out of calling you, Potter, gives me far too much joy to change. You wouldn’t want to take away my joy would you, Potter.” Regulus smirked around the name.

“You’re very dramatic, has anyone ever told you that you’re very dramatic?”

“Here and there.” Regulus held back his smile when James laughed again.

“You’re actually quite funny.”

“I’m flattered.” Regulus said dryly before looking up at James who was smiling back down at him. Godrick, it was blinding. Regulus decided right then and there it was time to cut this off. “Bye.” he said before walking off.

“You’re going?” James questioned, following after him.

“Attempting to.”

“There are nicer ways to say goodbye.”

“Why don’t you tell me one, preferably right now.”

“Well there’s, ‘sorry James, I’m quite busy and I have to get going.’ or ‘James, I gotta run but we’ll catch up later.’ or maybe-”

“I was telling you to say goodbye and go, you dolt.” Regulus ridiculed.

“I’ll follow you around all of Hogwarts until you say goodbye nicely, Reg.” James sang.

“One, that’s harassment-”

“What-”

“Two, don’t call me ‘Reg’.”

“Sirius calls you Reg.”

“Sirius is my brother.” James went to argue and Regulus held up his hand to silence him, internally shocked it worked. “And, three, don’t you ‘marauders’ have responsibilities.” Regulus rolled his eyes at the name they’d appointed themselves.

“We do but right now I’m not all that busy.” James smiled. Stupid stupid smile.

“I’ve got to go, Potter. I will not catch up with you later. Goodbye.” Regulus turned the corner and picked up his pace, James' laughter left around the bend though it felt like it followed him.

If you haven’t realised yet, Regulus Black is completely and utterly whipped for James Potter. It wasn’t always this way, he used to hate him in first through to fifth year… and maybe a little bit still. Regulus may be old enough now to see that James didn’t exactly steal Sirius from him, but that doesn't mean that sometimes he isn’t overrun by the annoyingly loud voice of his younger self telling him to burn James Potter to the ground. So yes, now, Regulus thinks James was crafted by angels but that does not mean he’ll be nice to him.

Except his smile is really nice.

Like, really nice.

Especially when Regulus is the one causing it.

Regulus and James aren’t exactly friends, and he wouldn’t go as far as to call them acquaintances. James is Sirius’ friend and that’s their connection… that and that he’d seen Regulus sobbing on his living room floor in his brother's arms after just nearly escaping their mother.

It was quite embarrassing really, running to Sirius after everything. But Regulus couldn’t do it anymore, and Sirius was Sirius. No matter where Regulus went or what he did, Sirius would always be Regulus’ first call. So, when mother demanded he go back to his sixth year at Hogwarts as not only a married man but a man married to his cousin. He’d denied her of course. She and Bellatrix went to extravagant lengths to change his mind, until eventually she’d decided the only way to get him to listen was to do what she’d always done when one of them wasn’t being easily agreeable.

So he ran to Sirius, as he always did. Which really was the only right thing to do and the Potters are lovely. Fleamont is fun and has this energy to him that makes everyone feel like they are in on some kind of inside joke, he makes Regulus feel like he isn’t intruding. Fleamont is great but Euphemia is arguably the only reason Regulus is able to feel safe in their home. Euphemia came from a pureblood family not too different from the Blacks, her family is still close with his own, as it is; assholes tend to stick together (probably the only reason he and his lot are so close). She understands what it’s like, how it felt to be there, he wouldn’t have ever been able to feel settled if she wasn’t there. She was the first person he spoke to that wasn’t Sirius, granted it took 3 weeks but if it wasn’t for her it would have been longer. Then there's James.

James.

Regulus didn’t realise living in his house meant he’d try to talk to him, that was not in the deal (at least not the one he’d crafted in his mind). Obviously they don’t talk enough to be considered friends but James talks to him a lot more than he anticipated (like a lot more - seriously, where does he get off saying good morning every morning and asking how his sleep was). Regulus realised they were getting awfully close to being acquaintances but didn’t realise they were getting close enough to banter (which in hindsight it wasn’t that big of a step, the guy has made him coffee multiple times). The banter wasn’t even that good, so why does his heart feel like it just ran a 200k cross country while chain smoking?

Regulus feels like a drunk man walking into his dorm. Evan is splayed out on Barty’s bed next to him while Dorcas is sitting on the edge of the bed braiding Pandora’s hair. They all looked up at him when he walked in.

“Oh no. Regulus, why do you look like that?” Evan questioned him, sitting up from Barty.

“What? I don’t look like anything, I assure you I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Regulus sat down next to Pandora on the floor.

“Awww, you’re so pathetic.” Dorcas laughed.

“Really Regulus, I expected better. So, what’d he do this time?” Barty smirked.

“He tried to banter with me.” Regulus confessed.

“Tried?” Pandora said while passing him some chips, “Stress eat like the rest of us.”

“Thanks. And yes, tried. He was quite horrible at it.”

“Why are you smiling if it was bad?”

“Because I’m an idiot.” Pandora nodded along with him.

“What’d you talk about?” Dora asked while playing with one of their finished braids.

“Want a play by play or a summary.”

“Summary.” Dorcas replied while smacking Pandora’s hand away from their braids.

“Slughorn. Bathrooms. Harassment. Goodbyes.”

“I changed my mind, give me a play by play.” Dorcas laughed.

“No, no, I like that version better. If you want a play by play, do it on your own time. Don’t ruin the beautiful image in my head.” Barty smiled.

“I never, ever, want to see that image.” Evan concluded.

“But, Evie, you’d love it.” Barty said, wrapping his arms around Evans waist and pulling him back down to him.

“Don’t call me, Evie.” Evan reminded, even though at this point it's an empty reminder and they all know he doesn’t mean it. Barty replied by shoving his head into the crook of Evan’s neck.

“So what are you gonna do?” Dorcas cutting Barty and Evan’s gross displays of affection off.

“What do you mean ‘do’? There is no ‘do’. Why in Arthers sword would I ‘do’ anything?”

“Because you’re melting over a five second interaction. So, I guess I figured you’d want to at least try to get more five second interactions.” Dorcas rolled her eyes.

“You’re forgetting Reg has no game so it’d be useless to try.” Barty chimed in.

“I do too have game!” Regulus argued.

“Name one time because I can’t think of a single one.” Barty smirked.

“Remember Deliah Lockheart? Or Amelia davis? Or Jeanis Darkhold?” Regulus argued.

“Oh, you mean the array of straight girls who took your lack of objectification of them as you being a gentleman, not just a raging homo?” Evan teased.

“It’s still game!” Regulus contended.

“But it wasn’t intentional, so it doesn’t count, moron.” Dorcas chided.

“Sorry, Reggie, it doesn’t.” Pandora added.

“Wrong side, Dora. My side, be on my side.” Regulus reminded her.

Pandora looked to Evan who shook his head, “Evan says you’re wrong, he’s normally right about you being wrong.”

“I’m being ganged up on by Rosiers.”

“Then stop keeping so many as company.” Evan rolled his eyes.

“You should try to ‘do’ something, Reggie.” Dora smiled.

“No.”

“Couldn’t even give us a more creative response?” Barty teased.

“No.”

“At least give us a reason.” Evan challenged, knowing Regulus could give him thousands of reasons.

“I have a list: He’s my brothers best friend, I live with him, I have enough self preservational skills to not object myself to humiliation, he’s straight, he thinks I’m straight, I’m busy, I’m not bothered, he-”

“How longs this list?” Dorcas cut in.

“Longer than your lifespan.” Regulus said blank faced. “But, you do realise how stupid it would be for me to do something about this, right?”

“Yeah, Reg, we know.” Evan rolled his eyes. “We didn’t think you’d actually do anything, we aren’t idiots.” Evan looked at Barty, “Most of us aren't idiots.” He laughed as Barty pinched him. They were sickeningly adorable, Barty and Evan weren’t dating but they all knew it wouldn’t be long till they started, they just needed a push… a push…

“I’ll do something.” Regulus promised, “On one condition.” He looked up at Evan.

Evan laughed, “Okay sure, name your price, loverboy.”

“If I ‘do’ something, you all also have to ‘do’ something as well.” Regulus challenged. Barty and Evan both went stiff.

“What if we don’t have someone to ‘do’ something with?” Pandora questioned.

“Find someone.”

“I wanna be left out of this, if I’m finding love it will be natural, not because Regulus Black makes stupid dares.” Pandora concluded.

“I’ll do it, just gotta charm some random bloke, it’s not that hard.” Dorcas rolled her eyes.

“No, it has to be someone you either are interested in or have the potential to be interested in. Meaning, you can’t charm some ‘random bloke’ because there's no potential there.” Regulus stated.

“You do realise all the girls here are straighter than all of us combined.”

“That’s not a hard thing to do, but also, you don’t know that.”

“Fine, but if you stop actively trying to do something, then we all get to as well. Sans Dora, of course.” Dorcas decided.

“Deal.” Regulus looked back up at Evan and Barty, “Boys, you in? Because I’m not doing it if you all aren’t. Sans Dora.”

“Fine. But to make this clear, I’m allowed to get with some random guy, because technically if it’s a guy it means there's a potential to be interested in him.” Evan challenged, making Barty double take.

That wasn’t what he wanted but Regulus decided he could work with that… well more so, jealousy could work with that. “Fine, agreed.” Barty’s jaw clenched.

“Okay, let's do it then.” Barty said, letting go of Evan. Well, that’s definitely not what he wanted.

“Then that’s that.” Dorcas decided, shaking all their hands, “Good luck men but I’m winning this.”

“Sorry, this is a competition now?” Regulus asked.

“Isn’t everything with us?” Evan more so stated than asked.

“I guess it is. So what’s the prize?” Barty asked.

“Winner choses something and all the losers, also known as Barty, Evan and Regulus, buy the winner, also known as Dorcas meadowes, whatever it was that they - she - chose.” Dorcas decides. They all nod in agreement and spend the rest of their night attempting to psych each other out.

—----------------------------------------------------------------

Regulus had spent his whole night embarrassingly thinking about how to win this stupid bet with Dorcas, Evan and Barty. He wants to back out of it but he’d also rather die than admit this was a stupid idea, also, in his defence, it’s helping Evan and Barty, they need this.

So that’s why he’s now purposely walking in places James would probably be, to be perfectly candid he has no idea what he’s going to do but he needs to win this, or at least keep it going long enough to get Barty and Evan together.

“Is there a reason you’ve walked past the Defence Against The Dark Arts classroom like 7 times?” Sirius questioned while throwing his arm around his brother's shoulder.

Regulus shrugged him off, “I’m looking for your imbecile of a friend.”

“Which one? You think they’re all imbeciles.”

“Potter.”

Sirius pulled them both to a stop, “Pourquoi as-tu besoin de James ?”

“I fail to see how that’s your business.”

“It’s my business because it’s weird and he’s my best friend and you’re my brother, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“I just need him for something. Détendez-vous, je ne prends pas votre précieux James Potter.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Ne commencez pas.” Sirius rolled his eyes, mirroring his brother.

“I just need his help with something. Tu peux te détendre maintenant.”

“Why are you asking him for help? Attends, tu vas bien ?”

“Je vais bien. Détendez-vous, s'il vous plaît.”

“Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?” Sirius continued prying. Regulus had to think of something before Sirius worried himself into a strop.

Regulus was put on the spot, so you can’t blame him for the blanks his mind filled, “It’s nothing, I swear.”

“Dites-moi. Si ce n'est rien, dis-le moi. Je suis sérieux, Reggie.”

“I know you are.”

“Stop being funny. Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?” Sirius pressured.

“I…” Regulus caught glimpse of James walking up to them with Lupin, holding onto his skateboard (the one he literally never fucking rides) and his brain filled the blanks, “I want him to teach me how to skate?”

Sirius cackled, “What?! You have to be joking! Oh my gods this is amazing! PRONGS! OI! COME HERE MATE, YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS!” Regulus could die. Regulus could very well die. Regulus might just die.

James and Lupin walked over faster, “Whats up, Padfoot.” James looked at Regulus, “Hey. Reg-”

“REGULUS WANTS YOU TO TEACH HIM HOW TO SKATE!” Sirius screamed.

James looked at Regulus drawing his eyebrows together, “You do? Is this a joke?”

“Might as well be.” Sirius cackled, holding onto the wall for support. It wasn’t even that funny.

Lupin (Godrick he wasn’t as stupid as his company) seemed sceptical, “Why do you want to learn how to skate?” He eyed him suspiciously.

Regulus’ brain stopped moving, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, was all he could think. He looked to the side of Lupin’s head to see a group of girls looking at them all giggling. Again his mind filled the blanks, “There’s this girl…”

Everyone went silent, except of course Lupin, still sceptical, “What’s her name?”

“Why would I tell you that?”

“Okay then, what’s she like?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“Why do you think you deserve an answer?”

“What does skating have to do with a girl?”

“She likes skaters.”

Lupin didn’t seem convinced but he nodded anyway, “Aww, little Reggie has a crush.” Sirius sang while throwing his arm around Regulus. “I don’t support changing yourself for a girl but I also would love to see you fall off a skateboard.” Sirius teased.

James still hadn’t said anything, he just sat there looking at Regulus as if he’d grown a second head. “Quel est le problème avec lui?” Regulus asked Sirius. James coughed as if he was choking on air.

“Que veux-tu dire?” This time Lupin was the one coughing.

“Ew, sont-ils malades ou quoi ?”

“ils n'étaient pas. Je ne sais pas maintenant.”

“Stop that.” Remus said, putting his hand over Sirius’ mouth.

“Please.” James added, finally saying something.

“So, will you teach me? Or was I right and you actually don’t know how to skate.” Regulus looked to James.

“Well- I mean- It’s not that simple, you know?” He smiled though looking shell shocked.

“I’m a fast learner, I assure you.”

“Well if you’re sure, I- well I don’t see why not to.” James smiled.

“Cool.” Regulus turned around, “Bye.” walking away he could hear his brother's laughter filling the hallway.

The gods must hate Regulus because James somehow was right next to him again (he swears up and down he’d just materialised there somehow - he doesn’t know how but he’ll find out). “Are you sure about this?” James questioned.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Regulus challenged.

“Well, I don’t know, you didn’t seem certain.” He sounded… concerned?

“I’m quite certain, you’re the one who doesn’t sound certain.”

“No, no, I’ll help you. Seriously.” He smiled again, Regulus wished he’d stop doing that.

“Okay. Bye.” Regulus continued to walk away, but James followed, again.

“Reggie.”

“Stop calling me that, and what?”

“I mean, it’s going to take a while to teach you how to skate, so we’re gonna be spending quite some time together. So maybe you should open up at least one nickname to me, it’d be weird to call you Regulus constantly.”

“It’s only weird if you make it weird.”

“Reg or Reggie?” He persisted.

“.... fine, Reg is fine.” Godrick was he really this weak? James smiled, so maybe this wasn’t a horrible development. Regulus suddenly realised this makes them at least acquaintances. He didn’t like that development… “Bye.” He walked off even faster.

“Reg.” He followed… again.

“What, Potter?”

“It’s James.”

“Potter.”

“Fine, we’ll work on that.” He smiled (for Merlin's sake, please stop smiling.).

“Bye.”

“Reg.”

“What?”

He didn’t say anything, just looked at him expectantly.

“Fine. I’ve got to go, Potter. I will unwillingly catch up with you later. Goodbye.” Regulus said turning the corner, heat rushing to his cheeks when James’ laugh once again painted his leave.

Godrick he was royally fucked.