Beautiful boy (Wolfstar) [ENG]

December 10th, 1981

The boys ran quietly from one room to another, barefoot with their shoes on their hands. The smaller one was terrified as his older brother tried to look not so scared, just for the sake of Regulus. 

Sirius held his brother's hand strongly, pulling him so he wasn’t left behind. He wouldn’t let Walburga do the same to him. To that poor seven year old child, he didn't deserve it.

“We’ll fix this, no need to worry.” The older said, looking right into Regulus wet eyes so he could feel more calm. Giving him the strength to at least arrive at his room.

“Is she… Is she going to hurt us? Is she going to hurt me?”

“No, not you. Don’t even think about it, petit etòile.”

The kid finally smiled a bit as he heard the lovely nickname his brother used to call him.

They kept running until they arrived at the last door; Regulus' bedroom.

“Come on Reggie, hide here, Je serai ici dans un instant.”

“But, I do not want to leave you alone, Siri. Tell her we did not want to do it, and that we are sorry. She may understand.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Just… Stay here, okay?”

The brothers looked at each other for the last time smiling painfully, and then Sirius left the room, closing the door softly and immediately putting on his shoes and going downstairs to see his mother staring at the broken jar that had been in the Black’s family for almost one hundred years.

Even if Sirius couldn’t look at her face as she was backwards, the fear made his heart beat faster. She was angry, and he was -one more time- going to pay for it.

“Mama? I-I’m sorry, I just…”

No more words were needed; The next thing that could be heard in the hall of the Black’s were the screams of  terror and pain Sirius couldn’t suppress, mixed with the harmful spells the mother kept throwing at his son, if she could be called that way.

…

“Are you okay?” Regulus whispered to his brother, still in bed.

Two days after the misfortunate event that happened, Sirius was still recovering in bed. The dark bruises in most of the parts of his body that made contrast with that soft perfect pale skin tone that all his family had inherited from the french ancestors.

Kreacher would heal him patiently with that unique face of disgust as the nine year old would stare at some point in the ceiling when the boy entered the room, making Sirius look at the door as the little quiet footsteps made his way in the dorm.Both the human and the domestic elf sighted in relief.

“Yeah, perfect.” He lied, smiling as hard as he could.”Kreacher, please, let us be alone for a moment.”

“But Lady Walburga told me to…”

“Please, Kreacher.”

The elf, following what his favourite wanted, slowly left the room to give them a final look. “I will be picking new bandages, I will not be late.”

They didn’t talk to each other until nothing was heard beyond that door.

“Did she tell you something?”

“Yes, that I could not be near you for at least two months, and other…things.”

Sirius grinned in sadness as he let his brother climb to his bed and lie down next to him. He holded Regulus' hand for a bit, caressing the same spot repeatedly as the other relaxed a bit over the anxious days he had, fearing that he would be the next if he didn’t mannered correctly all the time, like if he was way older than his real age.

“It’s irrelevant, don't worry.”

“You… you should not have to cope with my error. It was my fault.”

“No, it’s not your fault. You were just playing, it was a little oversight we had, but it’s okay for you to make mistakes sometimes.”

“And I should be punished for it. Pas seulement toi.”

“But I’m the big brother, and I’ll protect you no matter what. I won’t leave you alone ever.”

“Tu le promets?”

“Oui, je promets.”

Now the Black brothers stared at each other quietly in an empty Muggle cafe, as Sirius still refused to go Grimmauld Place and they needed some privacy -Having a serious talk while a toddler would be crying or just bothering wasn’t the perfect case scenario for that.

Sirius sipped the hot chocolate on his cup as his brother would mix with a tiny spoon his tea with the little amount of sugar he added.

“Why did you betray them?” Sirius finally spitted out. Good start, he thought.

“Because I didn’t want to see my brother rot in an Azkaban jail for something he hadn’t done for the rest of his life, all of these while the real traitor would live out there like nothing happened.”

“Yeah, but you know that’s not all.”

“I don’t have to tell you everything.”

“If you did, I would trust a bit more on you. Everyone would, actually.”

“Oh, believe me when I say I couldn’t care less about people trusting me.”

“Okay.” He replied, drinking a bit more and trying to be as calm as possible.

‘You know how your brother is, as dumb as you.’The voice of Remus appeared in his thoughts. ‘Let him some space, approach him slowly.’

“And how is Kreacher?” He kept asking.

“Good. A bit lonely now that it’s just him and me in there.”

“Well, he has to take advantage of this now that they are gone.”

He felt how Regulus' gaze changed as he kept talking. He was clearly amused, holding the cup of tea with both hands.

“You may not were there but those are our parents, you shouldn’t talk about them like that.”

“After all they had done to us?”

“Yes, after all. At least they didn’t leave me, but I understand if you don’t get that, right? Even with Remus, you believed that he betrayed you.”

“You know why I had to leave, Merlin! And it’s… it’s not the same. I protected you day and night, but I would have died on that carpet if I didn’t go to The Potter’s place that evening.”

“But you didn’t come back. Not even for me.”

“Would have you gone with me? You had always been a good son, and you loved being loved by them, right? Even now that they aren’t even here, you don’t want to feel guilty for what you did, knowing that it was the best you could do.” Sirius kept raising his voice.

“Shut up.”

“Why, Reggie? You don’t like the sound of truth? You preferred that time when Mama would hit you until you almost couldn’t breathe?”

“I SAID SHUT UP.”

The few people that were around them shuddered in surprise and fear, not wanting to look at the table they were in just in case. Sirius looked a bit surprised at his brother, but then went back to that empty face.

“That's not fair.” Regulus said quietly, almost in a whisper, and a bit embarrassed as he felt all those eyes on him but keeping that refined and elegant posture.

“And it’s not fair you keep reproaching it at me.” He brought the drink to the level of his mouth before sipping another time. “We were teenagers, we didn’t know what to do. It was normal, both of our reactions. For yours and for mine. Maybe it was wrong but it was what we felt like doing during that time.”

“I guess it was.”

A few minutes passed after those last words. Regulus kept staring behind the window next to them and watching jealousy of all the happy families that walked by with the Christmas spirit now in the streets, almost not having touched the cup of tea. Sirius, on the other hand, just looked down at the chocolate, feeling how the heat slowly disappeared and the chocolate became more and more dense. 

He was thinking about so many things but not one at the same time. The memories, Harry, James and Lily, Hogwarts, his house, Walburga, Regulus, Dumbledore, Voldemort and Remus, mostly. He sometimes would look at his brother and try to guess what he was thinking. Maybe it would be easier to not feel like two complete strangers and try to understand each other, maybe if they could throw away all of that ego and actually talk for once and not just spit resentment for once.

“Comment est-il?” Regulus finally stared at him again.

“Who?” 

“Harry.”

“Oh, really good. He’s…He’s growing up so fast. The other day he almost said Uncle Pads, can you believe it? He has also started saying Buttercream, we don’t really know why. I believe it is because of those horrible Cooking programs Remus watches, but if I say that Moony will make me cook for another week and I’ll clearly mess it up.Harry just loves that word so much that last week he just said that every time, and it drove us crazy because maybe he was literally shitting himself but he would say just Buttercream, and that made…”

“Okay, I get it, slow down.” The youngest softly grinned -Or Sirius thought- as he drank for the second time in the evening. ”You look really happy with them.”

“I am. Absolutely.” He smiled to himself, finally finishing the hot chocolate. He just loved talking about his little godson and all those adventures they had, it was difficult for him to stop at some point. “You should come to our house for Christmas. You could see it… meet Harry, and even come with someone.”

Regulus kept quiet for a moment, probably really confused but not upset. And Sirius understood that feeling, keeping in mind that just ten minutes ago they would be talking not so happily to each other.

But they had to try and solve it.

“Okay, I’ll bring Kreacher.”

“Well, it wasn’t that company that I was expecting, maybe a couple, but I guess the intention is what matters.”

“He is a close one, and I won’t let him spend his Christmas alone. And you should know that I’m not really interested in couples.”

“Why? Would you like to live alone by yourself forever?”

“No, it’s just not my cup of tea. And I’m not alone, I have the best domestic elf, I remind you.”

“Okay, It’s fine, it suits you. As long as you don’t date him, because,” They both laughed softly. “That would be creepy. And weird.”

“It’s not like that, I guarantee you. Don’t make him dirty, for the love of Merlin.”

“Fine.”

They spent one more hour there talking about dumber things but with a more comfortable atmosphere, and then Sirius accompanied Regulus to some point in the middle of both houses, now with the Moon appearing on their side slowly.

“How are things with Remus? Has he been annoyed by what happened?”

“Well, we hadn’t really talked about it. I hope we don’t, actually.” Sirius replied, knowing well what he was talking about. Thinking that he could think so bad about Remus made him hate himself.

“Do you regret it?”

“Yes, a lot. And you?”

“Mostly. I have robbed a lot of lifes, and no one is going to take that back to their loved ones, even if I try to explain to them that it was for the sake of my mother being happy about at least one of her sons so she didn’t try to kill me once more. It’s fair.”

“What don’t you regret?”

“Feeling like I took part in…something. Just that.”

“You can now take part in something, something better. Come and meet Harry soon. He’ll love you.”

They stopped walking in the cross that divided their paths at the same time that the street lights turned on.

“I doubt it.”

Suddenly, Regulus hugged his brother warmly, like a scared child. Like he would do when he was younger, and it felt like a burst of fresh but nostalgic air. Sirius wrapped his arms on Regulus' shoulders, holding him tight and trying to say what words couldn’t. He really hoped he understood it.

“I’m sorry, Reggie. I promise I will do better this time.” He whispered in his ear.

“Je sais. I’m also sorry.”