hit my peak at seven
Andromeda still remembers the exact moment that she decided she would run away. The exact moment where the fractured pieces of her family crystalized in a way that she wasn’t blind to anymore. She remembers the very second that her entire world turned upside down – the second their old grandfather clock struck midnight at the start of her seventh birthday.
Ever since Andromeda turned three, and her little sister came into the world a day before her birthday, the two of them had a shared birthday occasion every year. In 1959, on the evening of Narcissa’s birthday, the halls of the black family mansion were decorated with no spared expense, the rooms were a flurry of activity with maids running to and from the kitchens.
“Andromeda!” Druella hollered, standing on top of the staircase. “Change out of those clothes, the guests will be here any minute!”
“Yes mother,” Andromeda nodded, before slipping off into the nearest room, which happened to belong to Bellatrix.
Andromeda went into the bathroom to change, before wiping off the dirt on her cheek and brushing her shoulder length hair quickly. She was about to walk out when she heard excited murmurs coming from the other side of the door. Impulsively, Andromeda pressed her ear against the door, recognising her older sister’s voice immediately.
“I know! Isn’t it just perfect?” She asked.
“Where’d you even get that?” Narcissa countered.
“I snuck off into town.”
“Bella, if father had seen you…”
“But he didn’t, and that isn’t the point… Andy will be so happy.”
“I know but Bella it’s still wrong, you’re not allowed to do that.”
“It’s only wrong if you get caught. And I didn’t,” Bella cackled.
Andromeda smiled instantly. It was one of the things she loved about her older sister, the way she laughed – so free and full of life. Andromeda still had no idea what they were talking about, and she couldn’t wait any longer, so she flung the door open. She didn’t see much, before Bellatrix flung herself onto the bed to cover something already covered in brown wrapping paper. Narcissa looked down to conceal her smirk.
“Andy,” Bellatrix pouted, “What are you doing here?”
“What’s that?” Andromeda asked.
“Nothing.”
“I can see it under you.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Bellatrix!” Andromeda groaned.
“Andromeda! Narcissa!” The echoes of their mothers’ screams cascaded down the halls.
“Best not keep Mother waiting,” Bellatrix smiled, with a mischievous glint in her eye.
Andromeda frowned, before running to catch up to Narcissa. Druella looked them over with a thin-lipped smile as they lined up before her. She stared at Narcissa’s pale green dress before silently smoothening out the front of her hair and softly touching her cheek.
“Go with your father to greet the guests.”
Narcissa nodded, before walking away. Andromeda turned to follow but Druella held out her hand. “Not you, Andromeda.”
Andromeda returned to her position, shaking hands clasped behind her. Her mother inched her face close, she smoothed out Andromeda’s pale yellow dress, before sniffing the air and announcing, “You reek of mud.”
Andromeda swallowed. “I was in the gardens.”
Druella tutted before sighing in exasperation. “When will you change, Andromeda? When will you grow up? You’re almost seven. Stop acting like a child.”
Andromeda stayed silent, and Druella closed her eyes for a few moments.
“Go,” she said, without opening them, “Go enjoy your party.”
It was late at night, when the three sisters were gathered in the game room, by the fireplace – away from the prying eyes of any adults. Bellatrix and Narcissa had been sharing secret smiles all evening, and Andromeda was quite sick of it.
“So on with it? What is it the two of you are hiding?”
“Well…” Narcissa began.
“It’s a gift. For you,” Bellatrix said with something akin to meekness in her voice.
“Oh,” Andromeda said softly, “Well? What is it?”
Bellatrix handed over a small parcel covered in the same brown paper she was hiding earlier.
Andromeda unfolded it with about as much reverence as she could muster in the moment. She let out a soft gasp as she realised what it was. A singular glove.
“Happy birthday, Andy,” Narcissa and Bellatrix whispered at the same time. Andromeda looked up at the clock, it was half an hour until her birthday.
Ever since a random January morning two years ago, when Andromeda first met Cotton – a sweet-tempered eagle owl that flew by their mansion, Andromeda had been completely enamoured. She visited him every day, sometimes sneaking him her leftovers or reading to him. But she’d never been able to hold him and had wished for a glove just like this one so she could.
“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you,” Andromeda murmured, tackling her sisters into a hug.
“It’s a special one,” Bellatrix whispered excitedly, “that’s what the lady at the store told me – specifically made for owls like Cotton.”
“Is that so?”
The air in the room suddenly soured, and Andromeda’s heart began to pound. Slowly, Andromeda turned to see the dark outline of their father, Cygnus, watching them.
“Evening, Father,” Bellatrix quickly announced, snatching the glove back, “We were just about to go to bed.”
“No, no, no,” Cygnus chuckled, his voice devoid of all warmth as he took a seat. “I’d love to hear all about how you acquired this glove, without my permission. And what it does. In fact, I’d love to meet this Cotton, that you all speak so highly of.”
“Really?” Andromeda asked with wide innocent eyes.
“Yes, go.”
Andromeda snatched the glove back and raced outside, with her sisters right on her heels.
It seemed to Andromeda that it was perfect fate that Cotton was waiting outside, atop his favourite tree. Andromeda stuck on the glove and held her arm out – she didn’t even have to wait a minute before Cotton flew down onto her glove.
“Hi Cotton,” Andromeda breathed.
Narcissa giggled and reached out stroke him, “He’s so cute.”
Bellatrix, the only one with an unsettling feeling, whispered, “Andy wait…”
But by then, Andromeda had already ran inside with Cotton on her glove, and Bellatrix could do nothing but follow her sister.
Cygnus was waiting for them when they arrived, “So, this is Cotton?” He smiled.
“Yes, Father,” Andromeda nodded.
Cygnus reached out for Cotton carefully, stroking him once, before snatching him in his hands and holding him down against their table. It all happened so fast, that Cotton didn’t even cry out once. When he was on the table though, he released a series of shrill high-pitched calls.
“Father, please. You’re hurting him,” Andromeda whispered, tears filling her eyes.
Narcissa wailed and ran out of the room, calling out for their mother. Bellatrix was glad. A four-year-old shouldn’t have to see this. No child should have to see this.
“Father, please,” Bellatrix whispered.
“Bellatrix. You will open the table drawer.”
Cotton stopped moving at this point, either passed out or paralysed from the shock and Andromeda started crying, the tears streaming down her face. Out of all the things in the world, her sister in pain was what Bellatrix hated the most. She despised it to her very core, but she knew better than to disobey her father.
She crouched down next to the table and slid open the drawer under the table. She bit her lip to muffle the gasp escaping her. There lay a set of hunting knives.
“Now you will take one of those knives and cut this owl’s neck.”
Bellatrix heard the sound of Andromeda falling to the ground, her sobs wracking her entire body. “Bella, please no, Bella please.”
Bellatrix did not move.
“Bellatrix. You will take one of those knives and cut this owl’s neck or I will take one of those knives and cut Andromeda’s.”
Bellatrix finds herself grabbing the closest knife and bringing it down upon the owl’s neck without any hesitation. Her hands didn’t even shake. The need to protect her sisters would always come first.
“No,” Andromeda moaned, her face covered with her hands, before running out of the room.
“Throw the damn bird out,” Cygnus said to his daughter, “and get a maid to clean up the blood.”
He walked away, before stopping at the door and turning back, “Oh and Bellatrix, I want you to know this is your fault. This is what happens when you disobey me. I don’t want to hear of you leaving the mansion without my permission again… or it will be your neck instead. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Father,” Bellatrix responded, barely managing to keep the tremble out of her voice, but managing, nonetheless.
Cygnus walked out without another word. Bellatrix dig a grave outside for Cotton. It was late November, and the ground was covered in thin sheets of ice so her hands stung as she did, but digging was a better alternative to thinking. She buried the owl, before cleaning up the blood herself. She washed her hands seven times, and still didn’t manage to get the feeling of blood off of her skin. It was five minutes to midnight by the time Bellatrix decided to visit Andromeda.
Andromeda wasn’t sleeping when Bellatrix walked in, but she didn’t notice her either. She lay staring up at the ceiling with tears still silently streaming down her face. Every other time that Andromeda had received any sort of punishment from their father, Bellatrix had snuck into her room afterwards to calm her, to hold her as she cried. It was a role of a mother that Druella had never – and could never – fill.
“Hey, Andy,” Bellatrix whispered, reaching out to touch her.
Andromeda flinched backwards, fear wide in her eyes. Andromeda had never flinched away from her before. The clock downstairs rung twice, signalling midnight, and the start of Andromeda’s seventh birthday.
Bellatrix felt sick. She slowly walked out backwards, murmuring apologies over and over.
“I’m so sorry Andy. I’m so so sorry.”
That night was the first night Andromeda cried herself to sleep without her sister next to her. That night was the night Andromeda decided she would do whatever it took to run away.
That night Bellatrix lay awake all night in the cold next to the makeshift grave for her sister’s pet owl. That night was the last time Bellatrix ever gave anyone a gift.