A Little Less Alone

Beth woke up feeling it immediately—the weight of today pressing heavy on her chest before she was even fully awake.

She blinked up at the ceiling, her heart already beating a little too fast, her stomach twisted up in knots. Today was the day.

She knew Sarina would be calling. She knew, at some point, she’d find out if her name would be on that list or not. But until then? Until then, she was stuck in this awful, restless limbo.

She rolled onto her side, grabbing her phone off the nightstand, her fingers already pulling up her notifications before she even really thought about it.

One message from Viv.

Then another.

And another.

Beth scanned them, barely processing before she moved on.

Viv: Good morning, lieverd ☀️

Viv: Dutch squad was just announced. Looks like I’m going to the Euros.

Viv: (screenshot attached)

Beth stared at her screen, her thumb hovering over the keyboard, but she didn’t type anything.

She knew she should say something. Congratulate Viv, maybe even just acknowledge her.

But her mind was already somewhere else.

The Dutch squad was obvious—of course, Viv was in. She was always going to be in. There was no question.

Beth?

Beth couldn’t say the same.

She locked her phone without responding, pressing it face down against her stomach, letting her eyes close for just a second.

The air in her apartment felt thick, heavy, suffocating.

All she could think about—the only thing running through her head over and over again—was the call.

Would it come?

Would Sarina’s name light up her screen?

Would she hear the words she wanted to hear?

Beth squeezed her eyes shut, trying to will the nerves away, but they sat heavy in her chest, refusing to move.

Beth went through her morning trying—really trying—to think about anything else.

She showered, let the hot water beat down on her shoulders, hoping it would wash away the anxious pit sitting deep in her stomach. It didn’t.

She made coffee, but barely drank it. Made breakfast, but only pushed it around her plate. She knew she should eat, knew she needed to, but her stomach was already in knots.

Every time she moved, her mind wandered back to it. To today. To the call.

She tried to distract herself, putting music on, tidying up the already-clean kitchen, scrolling through social media—anything to avoid sitting still. Because the second she did, the nerves crept in again, stronger than before.

It was useless. Nothing was pulling her out of it.

Beth sighed, finally grabbing her phone, hoping for something to latch onto, something normal. But the second she unlocked it, her stomach tightened again.

More texts from Viv.

She hadn’t even responded to the first ones—the “good morning” message, the Dutch squad screenshot.

Viv: Beth, are you alive?

Viv: Is the ride still up?

Viv: I’m taking your silence as you ditching me. It’s fine. I’ll just walk. Uphill. In the rain.

Viv: Guess I’ll see you at training.

She only read the first one, her eyes skimming over it before she sighed, locking her phone without replying.

She had meant to check the rest, maybe even answer, but before she could, her gaze flicked to the time.

Still too early for the squad announcement.

The anxious knot in her stomach tightened again.

Beth set her phone down, face down on the counter, exhaling sharply.

Beth pulled into the parking lot, gripping the steering wheel tightly before finally sighing and shutting off the engine. Her phone sat face down on the passenger seat, untouched, ignored, avoided.

She hadn’t checked it. Hadn’t answered Viv. She hadn’t even thought about answering, not with her stomach in knots and her head spinning over what was coming today.

As she stepped out of the car, she spotted Viv near the entrance, hands tucked into her jacket pockets, waiting.

Viv pushed off the wall as Beth approached, falling into step beside her like she always did.

"Hey," Viv murmured, voice soft. "You okay?"

Beth barely looked at her, exhaling sharply.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Viv watched her carefully, like she was debating whether to say more. Then—

"You didn’t answer my texts."

Beth sighed loudly, adjusting her bag strap with a sharp tug.

"Yeah… I forgot."

Viv tilted her head slightly, her voice still easy, trying to keep things light.

"You forgot to answer me?"

Beth let out a short, annoyed laugh, shaking her head.

"God, Viv, does it really matter?" she snapped. "I had other things to think about instead of answering your texts."

Viv blinked, thrown off for a second, but still kept her voice gentle.

"I was just checking in, Beth."

Beth huffed, shaking her head again.

"Yeah, well, maybe I don’t need to be checked in on every second."

Viv went completely silent at that, her lips pressing together briefly as she just nodded once.

Beth felt the guilt creep in almost immediately—but she didn’t fix it. She couldn’t. She was too wound up, too restless, too caught up in her own head.

By the time they reached the doors, Viv pulled it open without another word, letting Beth step through first.

Beth didn’t look back.

She knew she’d been too harsh. Knew she should’ve said something else.

But she just didn’t have it in her right now.

For the first time all morning, Beth felt a little lighter.

The moment training started, the noise in her head finally quieted.

No thoughts about the squad. No anxious glances at her phone. No weight pressing down on her chest. Just football. Just movement. Just the feeling of the ball at her feet, the sound of her teammates calling out, the easy rhythm of the game.

She exhaled, running a hand through her hair, still trying to hold onto the calm from training. But then—she saw it.

Viv had been avoiding her.

She wasn’t standing near her during water breaks. Wasn’t making the usual little side comments during drills. Wasn’t looking for her after practice like she normally did.

Beth tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach. She had been short with Viv earlier, sure, but Viv knew she was stressed, right? She knew today was different.

Didn’t she?

Beth shook the thought away, refocusing on something else—anything else.

But it was pretty fucking hard to do when the only thing anyone was talking about was the squad announcement.

Beth was barely listening at first.

She was trying to focus on cooling down, on changing, on anything except the fact that she still hadn’t gotten a call, still didn’t know.

But that was pretty fucking hard when the only thing anyone wanted to talk about was the Euros.

"Congrats, Manu!" someone called from across the room.

"Yeah, and Lia too—" another voice added.

Beth kept her head down, untying her boots a little too aggressively as the congratulations kept coming.

Then—Viv walked in.

And almost immediately, Lia and Katie zeroed in on her.

As soon as Viv stepped into the locker room, Katie and Lia were on her.

"Ah, here she is," Katie grinned, nudging her. "The legend herself."

"You must be getting bored of this by now," Lia added, smirking as she leaned back against the bench. "Another call-up, another tournament. Does it even feel special anymore?"

"Or do they just assume you’re in at this point?" Katie joked. "Like, do they even call? Or do they just send you a text like, ‘Obviously, you’re in. See you in camp’?"

Viv chuckled, shaking her head as she sit.

"No, they do still call," she said, amused. "But, yeah… no surprises there."

Beth rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she yanked off her jersey. Without thinking, she muttered—

"Yeah, must be nice not even having to work for it."

The words landed heavier than she expected.

A few of the girls laughed, taking it as just another joke between them.

But Beth noticed it immediately—Viv didn’t laugh.

She didn’t snap back, didn’t roll her eyes, didn’t even glance at Beth.

Instead, her hands stilled for just a second before she went back to changing, quieter now, focused on anything but the conversation.

Beth felt something twist in her stomach, but she didn’t say anything.

She couldn’t.

"England squad should be out today, yeah?" someone asked, pulling on their hoodie.

"Yeah, I think later this afternoon," another voice chimed in.

Beth felt her whole body tense.

She knew it was coming. She just hoped no one would bring her up.

No such luck.

"Beth’s a lock," Leah said confidently. "No way you’re not in after the season you’ve had."

Beth exhaled sharply, shaking her head.

"I’ll believe it when I see it."

Leah frowned, like she didn’t get why Beth was even doubting it.

"Come on—"

"No, seriously," Beth cut in, voice clipped, sharper than before. "Nothing’s certain until I see my name on that list."

Lotte, sitting nearby, nodded.

"Yeah, these things are never guaranteed," she agreed.

Leah sighed but didn’t push it further. The conversation carried on, but Beth had already checked out.

She couldn’t sit here listening to this anymore.

She grabbed her bag, slung it over her shoulder, eager to just get out—to be anywhere but here.

As she headed for the door, she heard footsteps behind her.

She didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.

Viv.

Beth wanted to say something.

She wanted to fix it, to at least acknowledge the way she’d acted in the locker room, but every time she opened her mouth, nothing came out.

Viv walked beside her, silent. Not rushing, not avoiding—but not looking at her either.

They moved like strangers.

No small talk, no playful nudges, no lingering glances.

Just two people heading to their cars, side by side, but miles apart.

Beth glanced at Viv once, out of the corner of her eye, hoping for something. But Viv didn’t give her anything.

She just walked ahead, got in her car, and drove off—no bye, no see you later.

Beth stood there for a second, her stomach twisting in a way she didn’t like. Then she sighed, rubbed a hand over her face, and headed home.

By the time Beth got home, she was exhausted.

Not physically, not really—but mentally? She was completely drained.

She threw her bag on the floor, kicked off her shoes, and collapsed onto the couch.

She just wanted to know.

She just wanted this waiting to be over.

But as the minutes dragged on, her mind wouldn’t let her rest.

She didn’t know what was worse—

Not knowing.

Or knowing she’d been awful to Viv.

She sighed, tilting her head back against the cushions, staring at the ceiling, her heart pounding every time her phone so much as lit up.

And then—it rang.

Her stomach dropped.

She grabbed it without thinking, barely registering the name on the screen before she pressed answer.

"Hello?"

"Beth."

She sucked in a breath.

Sarina.

This was it.

She had never been this anxious in her life.

"Yeah, I’m here," she said quickly, barely able to sit still.

There was a small pause—maybe two seconds, maybe less—but it felt like an eternity.

And then—

"You're in the squad."

Beth felt like she could finally breathe again.

The relief crashed over her so hard she almost laughed.

"Really?" she asked, like she needed to hear it again, like it wasn’t real until she did.

"Really," Sarina confirmed.

Beth closed her eyes for a second, letting the weight of the past few weeks finally lift.

They talked for a bit, Sarina going over some details, but Beth barely registered any of it.

All she could feel was the sheer, overwhelming joy coursing through her.

By the time she hung up, she was grinning so hard her face hurt.

The first thing she wanted to do—the only thing—was call Viv.

But then—she remembered.

She remembered the locker room. The way she’d acted. The way Viv had barely looked at her when they left.

She bit her lip, hesitating, her thumb hovering over Viv’s name in her contacts.

Could she really just call her like nothing happened?

She sighed, closing out of the screen and scrolling down instead.

She called her mum.

Beth was lying on her couch, grinning up at the ceiling, still feeling like she was floating.

She was in.

She was actually in.

The relief had hit her so hard she had nearly cried when she hung up.

Her mum had been over the moon when she called—proud, excited, already talking about getting tickets. Beth could practically hear the smile in her voice.

It felt good. Really good.

But the one person she really wanted to tell, before it became public, before anyone else knew—was Viv.

Beth took a deep breath, fingers hovering over her phone screen before finally pressing send.

Beth: I got the call. I’m in. I know I probably don’t deserve a response right now, and I get if you don’t care after today.

She paused, staring at the message, waiting. Not really expecting an answer, but hoping, maybe.

And then—her eyes flicked up.

The unread messages.

Her stomach tightened as she clicked into them, scrolling up—
And suddenly, the weight of the day hit her all at once.

She had never answered Viv before. Never even read her texts.

And then she saw it.

Viv had asked about the ride.

The one Beth had agreed to give her. The one she had completely, utterly forgotten about.

Beth felt the guilt settle like a rock in her stomach.

Not only had she ignored Viv’s texts, but she had left her waiting, forced her to find her own way to training, and then had the nerve to be rude to her once they got there.

She let her head fall back against the couch, exhaling hard, and stayed like this for a long time.

Beth was still staring at her phone, still feeling stuck in her own mess, when she heard it.

A knock.

Her heart skipped—just for a second.

She sat up quickly, running a hand through her hair before moving toward the door.

When she opened it—Viv was standing there.

Beth froze.

Viv looked calm, maybe too calm, like she had already made peace with whatever this was. But her voice had an edge to it when she spoke.

"Can I come in," Viv said, raising an eyebrow, "or are you too busy for me?"

Beth winced. She deserved that.

"Come in," she said quickly, stepping aside.

Viv walked in, and for a second, Beth didn’t know what to say.

She was just about to try, to stumble her way through some kind of apology—

And then she noticed it.

The huge bouquet of tulips in Viv’s hands.

A mix of colors, fresh, beautiful—clearly something Viv had gone out of her way to get.

Beth blinked, completely thrown.

Viv held them out, along with a small envelope.

"Here," she said simply.

Beth stared at the flowers, at the card, then back at Viv.

*"I—" she started, shaking her head, voice quieter now. "I don’t deserve this."

Viv tilted her head, a small, knowing smirk tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Probably not," she admitted, "but I’m still happy for you. I know how much you worked for it."

Beth felt her throat tighten.

She wasn’t sure if it was from guilt or gratitude—probably both.

And then—Viv added, almost casually—

"Unlike me, obviously."

Beth felt that one.

She knew she deserved that comment, knew Viv was still hurt.

Beth sighed, gripping the bouquet a little tighter as she looked at Viv.

"I deserve that," she admitted, voice quieter now.

Viv just gave a small shrug, eyes flickering to the card still in Beth’s hand.

"Read it."

Beth swallowed, carefully opening the envelope, pulling out the small card inside.

She expected something simple—Congrats, maybe a short message—but the second she started reading, her chest tightened.

Viv’s handwriting was neat, thoughtful, like she had taken her time with every word.

Beth,
I know how much this means to you. I know how hard you’ve worked for it.
And I know—probably better than anyone—how much you deserve this.

Whether you believed it or not, I did. I always did.

So now that it’s official—now that there’s no more waiting, no more doubting—I just want to say how proud I am of you.

And how lucky England is to have you.

Viv

Beth stared at the words, blinking quickly as her throat tightened.

She felt a rush of emotion so strong it nearly knocked her over.

Not just because of how sweet it was. Not just because it was Viv, because she had gone out of her way to write this, to get her flowers, to celebrate her—

But because Beth knew she had treated her like shit today.

And Viv had still done this.

Beth let out a shaky breath, lowering the card slightly, looking up at Viv, who was watching her with that same unreadable expression.

She was still gripping the card, still feeling like absolute shit, when Viv spoke.

"Are you hungry?" Viv asked, voice calm, unreadable.

Beth blinked, looking up at her.

She hadn’t even thought about food—had barely thought about anything except this mess she’d made.

*"I—" she hesitated, sighing. "Yeah, but I don’t have anything ready. I wasn’t really—" she stopped, shaking her head. "I didn’t plan for—"

Viv arched an eyebrow, then casually lifted the bag she’d been holding at her side.

"Good thing I did, then."

Beth watched as Viv stepped past her, setting the bag down on the kitchen counter.

Beth followed, slowly, still trying to wrap her head around it.

When she peered inside—she froze.

Sushi.

Not just any sushi.

Sushi from her favorite place. The one she always insisted was the best, the one she had dragged Viv to more times than she could count.

Beth felt her chest tighten all over again.

Beth was quiet.

Too quiet.

Viv, still leaning against the counter, watched her carefully. She had expected something—a joke, a smirk, even just a sarcastic comment about how predictable she was for bringing sushi.

But Beth just stood there, staring down at the food, fingers lightly gripping the counter.

Viv shifted, suddenly unsure.

"Did I—" she hesitated, voice softer now. "Did I do something wrong?"

Beth snapped out of it, eyes widening slightly as she looked up.

"No," she said quickly, shaking her head. "God, no, Viv, this—this is probably the nicest thing anyone’s done for me."

Beth took a slow breath, forcing herself to find the right words, to try again.
"Viv, about earlier—I just want you to know how sorry I—"

Viv turned slightly, already reaching again for the sushi containers, clearly not meeting Beth's eyes. Her movements were gentle, steady, but somehow distant, as if she’d pulled herself far out of reach.

"We should eat," Viv said softly, effectively cutting off Beth's apology without acknowledging it.

Beth paused, the half-formed apology catching painfully in her throat. She could only watch silently as Viv sat down on the couch, carefully arranging the sushi on the coffee table in front of them, eyes downcast, deliberately quiet.

Slowly, Beth sat down beside her, close enough that their legs nearly touched, yet feeling more distant than ever. She picked up her chopsticks, the silence pressing heavily on her chest, robbing the food of any taste.

Viv didn’t speak again. She simply ate quietly, gaze fixed somewhere ahead, leaving Beth trapped in the awkward stillness between them, unsure of what Viv was thinking or feeling.
Beth kept glancing sideways, desperately wishing Viv would meet her gaze, give her something to hold onto—but Viv remained withdrawn, carefully unreadable

The silence sat heavy.

Beth hadn’t touched her food. Not really. She had picked up a piece of sushi, then put it down. Moved her chopsticks around, then stopped.

Viv, though—Viv just ate. Calm. Quiet. Like nothing was sitting between them.

But Beth could feel it.

She swallowed, shifting slightly, fingers pressing into her lap. “I’m really sorry,” she said, voice soft.

Viv didn’t look at her.

Beth inhaled, forcing herself to keep going. “About the ride,” she added. “I—I completely forgot. I didn’t see your texts, and then by the time I did, it was already too late, and—”

She stopped, closing her eyes briefly. No. That wasn’t how she wanted to say it.

“I wasn’t ignoring you, Viv,” she tried again, voice steadier now. “I was just—so in my own head, I didn’t even think. And I know that’s not an excuse. I should’ve answered. I should’ve remembered. I didn’t, and that’s on me.”

She exhaled slowly, glancing over. Viv didn’t react.

Beth’s chest squeezed tighter.

“And then when you tried to talk to me before practice—” she huffed out a small, humorless laugh. “I was an dick. You didn’t deserve that. You were just—” She stopped, shaking her head. “You were just checking in. And I pushed you away. And the worst part is, I don’t even know why.”

Beth ran a hand through her hair, exhaling sharply. “I was stressed. And nervous. And I just—I didn’t want to talk about it, and instead of just saying that, I took it out on you.”
She swallowed, fingers tightening.

“And then after all of that,” she continued, voice quieter now, “you still showed up. With sushi. With flowers. With that note that I—” She paused, shaking her head. “You still did all of that for me, even after how I treated you today. And that just makes me feel worse.”

Beth let out a breath, chest feeling too tight, fingers pressing against her knee.

She turned toward Viv fully now, eyes searching, voice quieter. “Vivi,” she murmured. “Please. Can you just say something?”

Viv’s chopsticks stilled. Just for a second.
Viv finally set her chopsticks down.

Beth straightened slightly, waiting, holding her breath.

But Viv didn’t look at her right away. Instead, she exhaled slowly, her hands resting on her lap, fingers flexing slightly like she was steadying herself.

Then, finally, she spoke. "You embarrassed me."

Beth felt something sharp twist in her stomach.

Viv’s voice was calm, controlled—but there was something behind it. Something restrained. "I’m not going to lie and say that being ignored all day, or you being incredibly rude to me when I tried to talk to you, didn’t hurt." She let out a breath, shaking her head. "Because it did." Her jaw tensed slightly, like she was trying to stop herself from saying too much. "But I can at least try to understand that you were anxious, that you were caught up in your own head."

Beth barely breathed.

Viv inhaled, finally lifting her gaze, and when she did, Beth felt her chest squeeze tight.

Because Viv looked hurt.

Not angry, not frustrated—just hurt. Deep, quiet, sitting behind her eyes in a way that made Beth feel sick. "But what you said in the locker room?" Viv’s voice didn’t waver, but Beth could hear the tension sitting beneath it. “That wasn’t just you being anxious. That wasn’t you shutting me out because you were stressed.” She exhaled, shaking her head slightly. “That was to hurt me.”

Beth swallowed hard.

Viv let out a slow breath, pressing her fingers into her knee like she was trying to stay composed. "Everyone else was happy for me today," she continued, voice quieter now. “Everyone. Even people I barely talk to congratulated me." She hesitated for a second before shaking her head. "But you—" her voice faltered slightly before she steadied it. “You made a joke so people would laugh at me.”

Beth’s stomach twisted painfully. “And they did.”

Beth shut her eyes for a second, exhaling sharply.

She had known.

She had known the second the words had left her mouth that it was wrong.

She had seen the flicker in Viv’s face before she covered it up, before she let the conversation move on. And Beth had done nothing.

“I don’t even know why I said it,” she admitted, her voice breaking slightly. “I was spiraling, I was anxious, I was so caught up in my own shit, and instead of just—being normal, I—” She stopped, running a hand over her face, frustrated at herself. “Instead of being happy for you, I made you feel like you didn’t deserve it.” She swallowed thickly, guilt clawing at her chest.

“And I hate that I did that.”

Viv inhaled, then let out a slow, controlled breath.

“I looked at you,” she admitted, shaking her head slightly. “And I expected—” she hesitated, like she wasn’t sure if she wanted to say it out loud. “I expected you to be proud of me.”

Beth felt her throat tighten painfully.

Viv let out a quiet, humorless laugh. "And instead, you made me feel like a joke."

Beth felt like she had been punched.

She had done that. To Viv. To the person she loved.

Beth hesitated before reaching out, barely brushing her fingers against Viv’s hand. “Viv, I am proud of you,” she said, voice trembling slightly. “I don’t even have words for how proud I am.” She let out a shaky breath. “And I hate myself for making you doubt that. Even for a second.”
Viv was still sitting stiffly beside her, her gaze flickering toward the bouquet on the table but never quite settling on it. Her fingers tapped restlessly against her knee, like she was debating something in her head, like she was holding something back.

Beth didn’t know what to say.

Then, finally, Viv exhaled and shook her head slightly.

“I almost didn’t bring them.”

Beth blinked, confused. “What you mean Vivi?”

Viv gestured toward the flowers, her fingers brushing lightly over the petals. “I bought them before practice.” Her voice was careful, even, but there was something underneath it—something quiet but unmistakably hurt.

Beth straightened slightly, sensing there was more.

Viv let out a small breath, running her thumb over the ribbon wrapped around the bouquet. “And after everything today—I thought about leaving them at home.” She paused, exhaling sharply like she hated even admitting it. “Because for a second, I didn’t think I would even come here.”

Beth swallowed hard, guilt curling tight in her stomach.

Viv wasn’t saying it to be cruel. She was just being honest.

“I still brought them, though.” Viv shook her head, almost like she was frustrated with herself. “Because no matter how hurt I was, I still wanted you to have them. I still wanted you to know that I’m proud of you.”

Beth felt her breath catch.

She barely heard herself when she whispered, “You bought them before you even knew if I’d be in the squad?”

Viv finally looked at her, steady and certain. “Yes.”

Beth let out a slow breath, trying to process it. “But you didn’t know—”

“I did know,” Viv interrupted softly, her voice unwavering. “I knew you would be. Because you deserve to be.”

Beth had spent the entire day convincing herself that nothing was guaranteed. That she hadn’t done enough, that she wasn’t enough.
But Viv had never doubted it.
Not once.

Beth exhaled, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know why I do this.”

Viv’s brows pulled together slightly. “Do what?”

Beth shook her head, frustrated with herself. “Push you away.” Her voice wavered slightly, but she didn’t stop. “Whenever things get overwhelming, instead of letting you in, I shut you out. I push you away when you’re the one person I need the most.” She swallowed, looking down at her hands. “And I hate that I did that to you today. That I treated you like I did when you’ve done nothing but show up for me.”

Viv still didn’t say anything, but her body shifted slightly, her fingers flexing against her knee.

Beth licked her lips, forcing herself to keep going. “And after all of that, you still came here with sushi and flowers and—” She let out a shaky breath, voice softer now. “I’m so grateful for you, Viv. More than you even realize.”

Viv was still watching her, expression unreadable. Then, slowly, she moved. Beth barely had time to react before Viv’s arms wrapped around her, pulling her in.

She exhaled sharply, gripping onto Viv’s hoodie as she melted into her. She pressed her face into Viv’s shoulder, inhaling her familiar scent, letting herself feel it—how warm and steady Viv was, how solid she felt.
Viv held her tighter.

Beth felt something heavy settle in her chest, something raw and vulnerable, something terrifying.

She tightened her grip on Viv’s hoodie, voice barely a whisper. “I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted anything to do with me again.”

Viv pulled back immediately.

Beth barely had time to process it before Viv was looking at her, brows furrowed, expression unreadable.

“Don’t say that,” Viv said, her voice firm, unwavering.

Beth blinked, caught off guard by the intensity in her voice.

Viv shook her head, softer this time. “Don’t you ever say that.”
Beth swallowed hard. “But—”
“No,” Viv cut her off immediately. “That’s not how this works.”

Beth shut her mouth, her chest tightening.

Viv exhaled, softer now, but her hands hadn’t left Beth’s arms. “We had a bad day, yes” She paused, her gaze steady. “And yeah, you hurt me. But I love you. That doesn’t just go away because you had one really shitty day.”

Beth’s throat tightened. Viv gave her a small shake, like she was trying to get Beth to understand. “I’m still here,” she murmured, voice softer now. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

Beth inhaled sharply, her fingers curling into Viv’s hoodie again, and without thinking, she leaned forward, pressing her forehead against Viv’s shoulder.

They stayed wrapped up in each other, neither moving, neither wanting to. Viv’s arms around her, warm and steady, felt like the safest place Beth had been all day. The slow, gentle way Viv held her—like she wasn’t going anywhere, like she wouldn’t go anywhere—made something in Beth’s chest ache.

Then, slowly, Viv’s fingers pressed a little more firmly into Beth’s shoulders, her thumbs rubbing soft, slow circles into the knots of tension there.

Beth let out a small breath, sinking into her without thinking.

“You’re so tense,” Viv murmured, her lips barely brushing Beth’s temple as she spoke.

Beth let out a quiet laugh, her voice sleepy and small. “It’s been… a lot.”

Viv hummed against her skin, her hands working deeper into Beth’s shoulders, kneading carefully, coaxing her muscles into relaxing.

Beth let her eyes slip shut, melting under Viv’s touch, feeling the way she moved with so much care, like her only focus in the world right now was this.

After a moment, Viv pulled back just enough to look at her properly.

“Do you want a real massage?” she asked softly, tilting her head slightly.

Beth opened her eyes, meeting Viv’s gaze, and before she could answer, Viv leaned in, pressing the softest kiss to the corner of her mouth.

“You deserve to feel good,” Viv murmured against her skin, lips barely leaving her before she pressed another kiss just beside her lips, then another along her jaw, trailing warmth across Beth’s skin.

Beth exhaled slowly, her hands tightening slightly in the fabric of Viv’s hoodie. “I don’t know if I deserve much after today,” she admitted, her voice barely a whisper.

Viv frowned, shaking her head slightly.

Then, before Beth could say anything else, Viv leaned in and kissed her, soft and patient, like she was pouring every unspoken word into the way their lips met.

Beth melted instantly, sighing quietly against Viv’s mouth, her grip on her hoodie tightening.

When Viv pulled back, she lingered, pressing a tiny kiss to Beth’s nose, then another to her cheek before resting their foreheads together.

“Let’s forget about all of that,” Viv whispered, her voice so gentle it made Beth’s chest ache. “We’re okay. You’re okay.” Her hands smoothed slowly down Beth’s arms, fingers tracing soft circles along her skin. “And I just want you to enjoy tonight and feel relaxed.”

Beth swallowed, feeling warmth spread through her, something heavy and overwhelming settling deep in her ribs.

Viv’s thumb brushed lightly over her cheek before she pressed another soft kiss just beneath Beth’s ear.

“You just got into the Euros squad, lieverd,” she murmured, her lips ghosting against Beth’s skin. “That deserves a celebration.”

Beth let out a slow breath, nodding slightly.

Viv smiled, pressing another feather-light kiss to her temple before whispering against her skin, “Come on, let me take care of you.”

Viv took Beth’s hand, guiding her toward the bedroom with quiet, unspoken tenderness.

There was no rush. No urgency. Just the soft press of Viv’s fingers around hers, the way she looked back at Beth every so often, making sure she was still with her, still okay.

Once they were inside, Viv turned on the bedside lamp, casting a warm glow over the room. She kept her touch light, gentle, as she reached for Beth again, pulling her close.

She kissed her slowly, like there was nowhere else they needed to be, nowhere else she’d rather be.

Beth sighed into it, her body softening against Viv’s.

Viv’s hands roamed carefully, always careful, always asking without words. She brushed her fingers along the hem of Beth’s hoodie before reaching for the fabric, her movements deliberate but unhurried as she started to lift it.

But before she could pull it over Beth’s head, Beth’s hands came up, stopping her.

Viv stilled immediately, her hands falling away as she met Beth’s eyes, concern flickering across her face.

“Hey,” Viv murmured, keeping her voice gentle. “Is everything okay?”

Beth didn’t say anything at first.

Her fingers curled into the hem of her hoodie, gripping the fabric tightly, and Viv could see it—the hesitation, the uncertainty creeping into her expression.

Beth inhaled softly, then finally spoke. “Can I tell you something?”

Viv nodded, her voice steady. “Of course.”

Beth swallowed, her gaze flickering downward. “But… can you not look at me when I say it?”

Viv frowned slightly, but she didn’t question it. She just nodded, turning her head slightly to the side, focusing her eyes on the lamp instead of Beth.

She waited.

Beth let out a slow breath, her fingers tightening around the fabric of her hoodie.

“I just… I’ve been feeling kind of insecure about my body.”

Her voice was quiet, but the weight of it sat heavy in the air between them.

Viv stayed still, giving Beth all the space she needed to say it, to let it out without interruption.

Beth swallowed again, shifting on her feet. “I don’t know why, it’s just been in my head lately.” Her grip on her hoodie tightened. “And I know it’s stupid, but I just—” She exhaled, shaking her head slightly. “I don’t feel great about myself right now.”

Viv didn’t say anything right away.

She let Beth sit in the silence for a moment, let her know that she was listening, that she wasn’t rushing to fix it or dismiss it.

Viv squeezed Beth’s hand gently, grounding her in the warmth of her touch. She could feel the way Beth’s fingers gripped onto her hoodie, the slight tremble in her breath as she pressed her forehead against Viv’s shoulder.

Viv held her closer, running a slow, soothing hand up and down Beth’s back, waiting, giving her time.

Beth inhaled shakily, her voice barely above a whisper. “I just feel…” She paused, hesitating, exhaling sharply like she didn’t even want to say it.

Viv kept rubbing slow circles against her back, silently telling her it was okay.

Beth swallowed, her grip on Viv’s hoodie tightening. “I feel… big,” she admitted, her voice small and uneven. “Fat.” The word came out like she hated even saying it out loud.

Viv’s arms instinctively tightened around her.

Beth shook her head against Viv’s shoulder, her breath unsteady. “I just don’t feel… pretty.” She let out a quiet, humorless breath. “Not tonight. Not lately.” Her voice dipped even lower, vulnerable in a way Viv knew wasn’t easy for her. “And today it’s been worse. Like, extra that.”

Viv exhaled softly, kissing Beth’s hair, her lips lingering there for a moment before she spoke, her voice firm but gentle.

“Lieverd,” she murmured, running her hand slowly up Beth’s back again, “I wish you could see yourself the way I do.” She tightened her hold just slightly. “Because you are beautiful. Always.”

Beth swallowed hard, but she didn’t lift her head.

Instead, she shifted slightly, her fingers gripping onto the hem of her hoodie. “I don’t know… I just feel like everything’s wrong lately,” she admitted. “Like my stomach’s too soft, my legs are too big, my arms—” She sighed, her fingers tightening around the fabric. “I just look at myself and I don’t like what I see.”

Viv’s arms tightened around her again, her hands smoothing over Beth’s back, up to her shoulders, down to her waist—like she was trying to replace every bad thought with warmth, with reassurance.

“I hate feeling like this,” Beth whispered, pressing her face further into Viv’s hoodie. “And I hate that I care so much.”

Viv tilted her head slightly, pressing another soft kiss to the top of Beth’s head.

Then, carefully, she brushed her hands down Beth’s sides, her touch delicate, reassuring. “Do you want to stop?” she asked softly, no pressure, just making sure Beth had the space to decide.

Beth hesitated, then shook her head against Viv’s shoulder. “No,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.

Viv ran her hands over Beth’s arms, slow and patient. “Are you sure?”

Beth nodded, then hesitated before lifting her head slightly. “But… can we turn off the lights?”

Viv didn’t even hesitate.

She leaned over immediately, reaching for the lamp, and within seconds, the room was filled with soft darkness, just the faint glow from the city outside slipping through the blinds.

Then she turned back to Beth, hands finding her again, pulling her close, like she wanted to remind her—you are safe here, you are wanted, you are enough.

Viv pressed a soft, lingering kiss to Beth’s forehead before whispering, “Anything you need, lieverd.”

Viv moved slowly, careful with every touch, every movement. She reached for the hem of Beth’s hoodie again, but this time, she didn’t rush, didn’t pull—she just waited, her fingers grazing the fabric lightly.

She pressed a soft kiss to Beth’s cheek, then another just under her jaw. “Let me?” she murmured, her voice gentle, seeking permission rather than assuming.

Beth swallowed, nodding, though she still felt that little flicker of hesitation.

Viv didn’t just pull it off—she took her time. She lifted the fabric slowly, brushing her fingers over Beth’s skin as she exposed it, whispering small reassurances as she went.

“So beautiful,” she murmured, pressing a kiss to Beth’s shoulder.

Her hands smoothed up Beth’s sides as the hoodie slipped over her head, and as soon as it was gone, Viv kissed her collarbone, slow and steady, letting Beth feel her admiration.

Beth exhaled shakily, feeling warmth spread through her—not just from Viv’s touch, but from how she did it. How she made her feel seen.

Viv shifted slightly, reaching for her own shirt, and in one smooth motion, she pulled it over her head, leaving her just in her sports bra. She took Beth’s hands, guiding them to her bare waist, letting Beth feel her too—letting her know that there was no reason to hold back, no reason to hide.

Then, with the same deliberate gentleness, Viv reached for the waistband of Beth’s pants, her fingers tracing slow, reassuring patterns along her hip.

She kissed her again, lips warm against Beth’s skin. “Still okay?”

Beth let out a slow breath and nodded.

Viv smiled softly, sliding her hands down, pressing another kiss just below her belly button before slipping her pants down her legs, moving so gently that it almost felt like an embrace.

Once Beth was left in her underwear, Viv sat back slightly, her hands grazing over Beth’s hips. “Where’s the massage oil?” she asked, her voice barely above a murmur.

Beth blinked, trying to pull her thoughts together. “Uh—drawer. Nightstand.”

Viv smiled, giving her one more soft kiss before slipping away to retrieve it. She returned quickly, bottle in hand, and leaned down, pressing a lingering kiss to Beth’s lips.

“Lay down for me, lieverd.”

Beth hesitated just slightly, but then nodded, turning over onto her stomach, resting her head against her folded arms.

She barely had a second to settle before she felt it—the press of the mattress shifting under Viv’s weight, the warmth of her presence hovering just above her.

Then, a second later, Viv’s hands found her shoulders, steady and warm, pressing gently into her skin.

Beth exhaled, closing her eyes.

Viv’s hands moved slowly, deliberately, kneading warmth into Beth’s tense muscles. The soft scent of the massage oil filled the room, mixing with the quiet hum of their breathing, the faint sounds of the city outside.

Beth melted into the touch, her body sinking deeper into the mattress with every slow, careful press of Viv’s fingers against her back.

“You’re really good at this,” Beth murmured, her voice slow and sleepy.

Viv huffed a small laugh, her hands smoothing along Beth’s spine. “Maybe I missed my calling,” she teased, kneading her thumbs into Beth’s lower back.

Beth let out a small, content sigh. “I don’t know about that. I think I like what you do now.”

Viv hummed, trailing her fingers lightly over Beth’s shoulders, then leaning down to press a kiss just beneath her ear. “Yeah?”

Beth smiled against the pillow. “Mhm. Means I get to have you.”

Viv’s hands paused for just a second, her heart swelling before she kissed Beth’s shoulder, softer this time.

They stayed like that for a while, wrapped in the warmth of each other, the tension in Beth’s body slowly unraveling beneath Viv’s hands.

Then, Viv’s fingers drifted lower, brushing along the clasp of Beth’s bra. She paused, barely ghosting over it. “Can I?” she murmured, voice so gentle Beth barely heard it over her own heartbeat.

Beth hesitated for only a second before nodding against the pillow. “Yeah.”

Viv moved carefully, undoing the clasp with practiced ease, then slipping the straps down Beth’s arms, her touch soft, reverent.

She pressed another kiss to Beth’s shoulder blade, trailing her lips down her back, slow and soothing.

Beth shivered, though not from the cold.

Viv’s hands found her again, tracing down her spine, over the newly exposed skin, moving like she was memorizing every inch of her.

After a while, Beth shifted slightly, turning onto her back, her gaze meeting Viv’s in the dim light of the room.

Viv’s hands instinctively hovered over Beth’s waist, her eyes flickering—not up—no, they drifted lower, lingering.

Beth smirked. “Are you looking at my boobs?”

Viv’s lips parted slightly, caught, but before she could even attempt to form an excuse, Beth reached for her hands, guiding them up, placing them directly over her chest.

Viv sucked in a breath, her fingers instinctively flexing, her thumbs brushing over the soft skin beneath them.

Beth tilted her head, watching her. “You can touch,” she murmured, voice warm, inviting.

Viv exhaled slowly, her hands moving just slightly, her gaze flickering up to Beth’s eyes, searching, making sure.

Beth just nodded, smiling softly.

Viv swallowed.

Viv’s hands moved carefully, her fingers tracing soft patterns over Beth’s skin, her thumbs grazing the swell of her breasts before circling delicately over her nipples. The touch was light, almost teasing, but full of intention.

Beth let out a slow breath, her body arching slightly into Viv’s hands, chasing the warmth of her touch.

Viv watched her carefully, her gaze full of something quiet but deep, something that made Beth feel completely seen. Her fingers brushed over Beth’s nipples again, the pads of her thumbs barely pressing against them, eliciting the softest sound from Beth’s lips.

“You okay?” Viv murmured, her voice warm and careful.

Beth nodded, her hands resting lightly on Viv’s forearms, feeling the slow, steady movement of her muscles beneath her fingertips.

She hesitated for a second, then whispered, “I want to, if you do.”

Viv stilled slightly, her brows furrowing for just a moment before she softened, shaking her head lightly. “Of course I do.” Her hands squeezed gently at Beth’s sides. “But it’s okay if you don’t.”

Beth let out a breath, shaking her head. “No, I do.” She bit her lip, then smiled slightly. “I really do.”

Viv’s lips parted slightly, her fingers pressing just a little firmer, a little more sure.

Beth exhaled, watching her, feeling warmth settle deep in her chest.

“I know we’re usually a bit more rough,” she murmured, her voice quiet, thoughtful. “But do you think you’d like this?”

Viv’s breath caught for a second, and then she smiled, leaning down to press the softest kiss to Beth’s lips.

“Lieverd,” she whispered against her mouth, her hands still moving, still exploring with careful reverence. “I love this.”

Viv was being so soft with her. Every touch, every movement was slow and careful, like she was savoring each moment, making sure Beth felt completely safe, completely cherished.

Her hands roamed gently over Beth’s skin, warm and steady, always seeking permission before moving further. She kissed Beth’s jaw, then her collarbone, murmuring little reassurances between each press of her lips.

“So beautiful,” Viv whispered as her fingers trailed down Beth’s stomach, her touch featherlight.

Beth let out a soft breath, her body melting into the mattress, into her. She had never felt this taken care of before—not like this. Not with someone being so deliberate, so patient.

Viv pressed a kiss just beneath her ribs, her fingers tracing slow, careful patterns along Beth’s waist before slipping lower.

“Still okay?” Viv murmured, her lips grazing the sensitive skin at Beth’s hip.

Beth nodded quickly, reaching for Viv’s free hand, intertwining their fingers. “Yeah,” she whispered. “More than okay.”

Viv smiled against her skin, her fingers pressing just slightly firmer as she continued moving lower.

“You’re so perfect,” Viv murmured, her voice barely above a whisper, her fingers teasing, moving with slow precision.

Beth let out a small sound, her back arching slightly.

Viv leaned over, pressing a lingering kiss to Beth’s lips. “That’s it,” she whispered, coaxing, her touch still slow, still deliberate. “You’re doing so good, lieverd.”

Beth whimpered, warmth spreading through her, and Viv just smiled, watching her, adoring her.

She moved with intention, with so much care, never rushing, never anything but gentle.

“I love seeing you like this,” Viv murmured, her fingers pressing just a little deeper, her eyes fixed on Beth’s expression.

Beth let out a shaky breath, gripping onto Viv’s arm.

Viv kissed her cheek, her forehead, her jaw. “You deserve to feel so good.”

Beth barely had time to reply before Viv moved again, slow but so sure, drawing another soft sound from her lips.

Viv was still being so gentle with her, treating her like she was something precious, something to be adored. Her touch never wavered—steady, warm, always making sure Beth felt completely safe.

Her fingers moved inside Beth with slow, careful precision, never rushing, never demanding, just giving. Giving Beth every ounce of love she could without saying a word.

Beth exhaled shakily, her body molding into the mattress, her fingers gripping onto Viv’s wrist as if she needed something to hold onto.

Viv kissed her forehead, then her cheek, then the corner of her mouth, whispering between each touch. “You feel amazing,” she murmured, voice smooth and full of quiet reverence. “So perfect like this.”

Beth let out a soft whimper, her back arching slightly, overwhelmed in the best way.

Viv’s other hand traced along Beth’s stomach, smoothing over her skin in slow, soothing patterns. “You’re so beautiful, lieverd.”

Beth felt her breath catch, warmth spreading through her, not just from what Viv was doing—but from how she was doing it. The way she was looking at her, like there was no one else in the world.

Viv’s fingers pressed deeper, curling just right, drawing a sharp inhale from Beth’s lips. “That’s it,” Viv murmured, her lips ghosting over Beth’s jaw. “Just let go for me.”

Beth did—falling into the sensation, into the way Viv held her through it, her hands never leaving Beth’s skin, her voice soft and full of awe.

She shuddered, her breath coming in slow, uneven waves, and Viv stayed right there with her, whispering soft words into her skin. “So good for me,” she hummed, pressing a lingering kiss to Beth’s temple. “You’re incredible.”

Beth sighed, her body relaxing completely, her fingers still curled loosely around Viv’s wrist like she wasn’t quite ready to let go yet.

Viv gave her time, staying close, her hands roaming gently over Beth’s skin, grounding her.

Eventually, she shifted slightly, leaning up just enough to press one last kiss to Beth’s lips before slipping away. “Be right back,” she murmured, smoothing a hand over Beth’s arm before stepping away.

Beth barely opened her eyes, too warm, too content to move. She only noticed when Viv returned, sitting beside her, holding out a glass of water.

Beth blinked up at her, a sleepy smile tugging at her lips.

Viv smirked softly, brushing a strand of hair out of Beth’s face. “Drink, lieverd.”

Beth took the glass, their fingers grazing as she sipped. She noticed Viv watching her—really watching her—and once she was done, she reached for her, tugging her down onto the bed beside her.

Viv smiled, easily slotting against her, wrapping an arm around Beth’s waist and pulling her in close.

“You feeling okay?” Viv murmured, her lips brushing against Beth’s hair.

Beth sighed, nestling into her. “Better than okay.” She paused, running a lazy hand over Viv’s back. “I loved that. More than I thought I would.”

Viv pulled back just enough to meet her eyes. “Yeah?”

Beth nodded, a small smile playing on her lips. “Yeah.” She exhaled, thoughtful. “I never expected to love doing it soft so much.”

Viv’s eyes softened, her fingers tracing gentle circles against Beth’s waist. “Anytime you want,” she murmured, before leaning in and pressing a slow, lingering kiss to Beth’s lips, like she was making a promise.

Beth smiled against her, warmth spreading through her, feeling completely safe. Completely hers.