A Little Less Alone

It had been a few days since everything, but Beth still felt the weight of it.

Viv hadn’t been distant or weird—she had been Viv, the same as always, warm and patient, acting like nothing had changed.

But Beth felt it.

Felt the guilt sit in her chest whenever she thought about how dismissive she had been, how she had pushed Viv away when, really, she had needed her the most.

And, maybe worst of all, how she had downplayed Viv’s achievements—her Euros qualification, her place in the Dutch squad that had never been in question, the way Beth had made a stupid joke instead of just being proud of her.

That part sat the heaviest. Because Viv deserved more than that.

Viv, who had still shown up at her door with flowers and sushi, despite everything. Who had still held Beth when she was spiraling, who had reassured her like Beth hadn’t just humiliated her in front of their teammates days before.

And Beth knew Viv had forgiven her. She hadn’t said anything else about it, hadn’t made her feel bad.

But Beth still did.

So, she decided she needed to do something. Show Viv how much she appreciated her. How much she cared.

She picked up her phone before she could talk herself out of it, typing quickly.

Beth: Free tonight?

It only took a few moments for Viv to respond.

Viv: I think so, why?

Beth: Because I’m taking you on a date. Be ready at 19:00.

A pause. Then—

Viv: A date?

Beth: Yeah. A proper one.

Viv: What’s the occasion?

Beth hesitated for a second, then shrugged to herself.

Beth: Why not?

The typing bubble appeared again, then disappeared, then reappeared.

Viv: Okay. I’ll be ready.

Beth exhaled, setting her phone down before pulling up her browser, scrolling through options. She didn’t want to take Viv just anywhere. It had to be something special, something that would mean something.

It took her a while, but then she found it—a small, cozy Dutch restaurant, tucked away from the busier spots. Quiet, intimate, with incredible reviews.

Viv would love it.

Beth booked it immediately before heading to her closet, flipping through her clothes.

She landed on a dress—simple, but nice. Something she didn’t wear often, but tonight felt like the kind of night she should.

She tossed it onto the bed and headed for the shower.

The warm water hit her skin, and for a while, she just let herself stand there, trying to push everything else out of her mind.

But the moment she stepped out, hair damp, skin flushed from the heat, she caught sight of herself in the mirror.

And suddenly, it all came rushing back.

She wrapped the towel around herself tighter, avoiding her own reflection as she walked back into her room.

The dress was still there, waiting.

She sighed and pulled it on, smoothing it over her hips, turning slightly to check the fit.

Her stomach twisted.

Her hands lingered at the hem, then at her waist.

She hated how it looked.

The fabric clung in places she didn’t want it to. Her stomach felt too noticeable, her arms too exposed.

She turned back to the mirror, shifting, trying to see it from a different angle, trying to make herself like it.

But she didn’t.

She exhaled sharply, pulling it off almost immediately, tossing it aside and grabbing a pair of nice pants and a top instead.

It wasn’t perfect, not even close. She still didn’t love how her stomach looked in it, still hated how her arms weren’t hidden enough, how everything felt off.

She tried to push those thoughts away.

Tonight wasn’t about her insecurities.

It was about Viv.

So, she forced herself to move on, grabbing her makeup bag and sitting down in front of the mirror.

Beth took one last look in the mirror, inhaling deeply as she ran her hands over her outfit, smoothing out invisible creases. She had done her makeup just right—not too much, but enough that she felt put together. Her hair had settled the way she liked, and yet, she still felt the same nagging discomfort sitting at the edge of her thoughts.

She adjusted the hem of her top for what felt like the hundredth time, pulling it down, shifting it, trying to make it sit better against her stomach.

She exhaled, shaking her head.

It’s fine. It’s just Viv.

And Viv had never made her feel anything less than beautiful.

With one last breath, she grabbed her keys and headed out.

She pulled up outside Viv’s place, her fingers drumming anxiously against the steering wheel as she waited.

Then the door opened.

And Beth almost forgot how to breathe.

Viv stepped out, looking unfairly good in the kind of outfit Beth knew she hadn’t even put much thought into.

Dark suit pants, fitted just right. A polo tucked in neatly, effortless and cool, with a jacket thrown over it to make it even more her.

Beth clenched her jaw slightly, dragging her eyes away as Viv made her way over.

She felt so aware of herself suddenly—the way her own outfit sat wrong, how she had already started fidgeting with the hem of her top again, trying to pull it down before Viv got in the car.

Viv opened the door, slid in, and smiled at her. “Hey.”

Before Beth could respond, Viv leaned in, pressing a quick peck to her lips—except, as soon as they kissed, neither of them pulled away.

Viv lingered, one hand resting lightly on Beth’s thigh, her lips warm and slow against Beth’s, like she had been waiting to do this all day.

Beth felt the tension in her shoulders loosen, just slightly.

When they finally pulled apart, Viv sat back, exhaling quietly.

Beth glanced at her, taking in the small smile on her lips, the way she seemed content in a way that made Beth’s stomach twist, but not in a bad way.

She tilted her head. “What?”

Viv shook her head, her smile shifting into something more self-conscious. “Nothing.”

Beth narrowed her eyes, a teasing lilt in her voice. “No, what?”

Viv huffed, glancing out the window before finally muttering, “Just… I wasn’t expecting this.”

Beth raised an eyebrow. “Expecting what?”

Viv shrugged, playing with a loose thread on her sleeve. “You, planning a date.” She glanced at Beth again, softer this time. “I like it.”

Beth swallowed, gripping the wheel a little tighter.

She could feel her stomach twist—not because Viv meant anything bad by it, but because part of her still felt like she needed to prove something.

Like she still needed to deserve Viv being this soft with her.

Beth cleared her throat, forcing a small smirk. “Didn’t realize I had such low expectations to live up to.”

Viv rolled her eyes but squeezed Beth’s hand gently. “You know what I mean.”

Beth hummed, letting herself squeeze Viv’s hand back before shifting into gear.

As they pulled onto the road, Beth stole another glance at Viv’s outfit.

“By the way,” she said, tilting her head, “you look really good tonight.”

Viv’s lips twitched slightly, but she still ducked her head like the compliment caught her off guard. “Yeah?”

Beth nodded, flicking her eyes back to the road. “Loving the style.”

Viv exhaled, glancing down at herself. “Didn’t try too hard, but I figured you’d be the one dressing up, so.”

Beth scoffed lightly. “Well, you outdid me, so thanks for that.”

Viv turned her head, studying Beth for a second before reaching for her hand again, giving it a small tug. “You look really nice, you know.”

Beth forced a smile, even as she swallowed against the immediate instinct to deny it.

Instead, she just squeezed Viv’s hand back before letting go to focus on driving.

She could still feel the warmth of Viv’s touch, but that didn’t stop her from pulling at the hem of her top again, adjusting it for the tenth time—always making sure Viv wasn’t looking when she did.

Beth pulled into the parking lot, her hands gripping the wheel for a second before she let out a slow breath. She glanced at Viv, who had been quiet for most of the drive, occasionally humming softly to whatever song had been playing.

Beth hesitated before finally saying, “Alright. We’re here.”

Viv glanced at her, curious, but didn’t say anything right away. She reached for the door handle, then paused, tilting her head slightly.

“You’re really not gonna tell me?”

Beth smirked, shaking her head. “Nope.”

Viv let out a quiet chuckle as she opened the door and stepped out, stuffing her hands into her pockets. Beth followed, making sure to lock the car before they started toward the entrance.

Then—

Beth felt it before she heard it.

Viv stopped walking, her hand pressing into Beth’s side, warm and steady. Beth barely had time to register it before she heard Viv exhale, almost like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

Beth turned, following her gaze, watching as Viv’s eyes landed on the sign.

Viv blinked once, twice, before turning back to Beth, her expression open in a way that made Beth’s stomach twist.

“You found a Dutch restaurant?” Viv’s voice was quiet, almost hesitant, like she wasn’t sure she was getting it right.

Beth nodded, forcing herself to focus on that—on how happy Viv looked, on how much she had clearly not expected this. “Yeah. Thought you’d like it.”

Viv was still staring at her, like she wasn’t sure what to say.

Then—her fingers flexed slightly, still against Beth’s side, and Beth immediately felt it.

She tried not to react.

Tried not to tense up, not to focus on the way Viv’s hand was resting right where she hated being touched the most.

But her mind was already racing.

She can feel everything.

How soft I am. How big my side must feel under her hand.

Viv, of course, wasn’t thinking about any of that.

She was just standing there, looking at Beth with something soft in her eyes.

Beth forced herself to smile, to push through it, to not let Viv see the way her whole body was suddenly rigid.

“Come on,” Beth said quickly, stepping forward just enough to make Viv’s hand fall away. “Before they give our table away.”

Viv followed without hesitation, her footsteps light.

As they got closer to the entrance, Viv glanced at her again, her voice softer now. “You really didn’t have to do all this.”

Beth swallowed, keeping her hands shoved deep into her jacket pockets. “I wanted to.”

Viv didn’t push, didn’t ask anything else.

Instead, she just reached for the door and held it open.

Beth stepped inside, the warmth of the restaurant settling around her, but all she could think about was the way Viv’s touch still lingered on her skin.

Beth followed the hostess to their table, letting Viv walk ahead slightly. She could already tell Viv was really into this place—the way she took in the décor, her eyes scanning over the details, the corners of her lips twitching with interest.

As soon as they sat down, Viv grabbed the menu, her fingers tracing over the list of dishes with a quiet hum. “Oh, they actually have bitterballen—you have to try those.”

Beth smirked. “Alright.”

Viv barely looked up, still scanning. “And stroopwafels for dessert. That’s a must. They actually serve them warm here, which is how you’re supposed to eat them.”

Beth rested her chin on her hand, watching Viv ramble excitedly, flipping through the menu. She had no idea what half the things were, but she didn’t care—not when Viv was this happy.

Viv’s brows furrowed slightly. “Oh—haring. You probably won’t like that, though.”

Beth made a face. “That’s the raw fish thing, right?”

Viv grinned. “Yeah, and it’s amazing.”

Beth snorted. “That one’s all yours, babe.”

Viv laughed softly before glancing back down, eyes flicking over the menu again. “Okay, but bitterballen, the kroketten, maybe some patat oorlog—you have to try that.”

Beth smirked, amused by Viv’s focus. “You know you don’t have to sell me on any of this, right? Whatever you want, we’re getting it.”

Viv finally looked up, something soft in her gaze. She studied Beth for a second, then smiled. “Good.”

The waiter came by, and Viv handled all the ordering, easily slipping into Dutch as she did. Beth let herself watch her, something warm settling in her chest.

When the waiter walked away, Viv turned back to her, a small, pleased look on her face.

When the waiter walked away, Viv turned back to her, studying her for a second before she smiled. “You look really beautiful tonight.”

Beth blinked, her throat suddenly dry.

Viv’s gaze flickered down briefly before returning to her eyes. “I mean it. Your hair, your makeup, that top—” Viv’s lips twitched slightly. “I really like this top.”

Beth swallowed. “Oh—uh, thanks.”

She reached for her water, drinking to keep herself busy.

Viv tilted her head slightly, like she could sense something in Beth’s reaction, but she didn’t push.

Beth tugged subtly at the hem of her top, trying not to fidget under Viv’s gaze.

She hated this.

Hated how compliments made her feel worse—like Viv was looking too closely, noticing too much.

Beth cleared her throat, forcing her voice to sound normal. “Did you ever come here before?”

Viv blinked at the sudden subject change but played along. “No, actually. I didn’t even know this place existed.”

Beth nodded, relieved the focus was off of her.

A few minutes later, their food arrived, and Viv’s face lit up immediately.

“Oh—this looks good,” Viv murmured, already reaching for one of the dishes.

Beth forced a small smile, trying to push back the tight feeling in her chest.

She picked up her fork, glancing down at her plate, but suddenly, eating felt… wrong.

The guilt crept in fast.

She had barely eaten much today, but now, with all this food in front of her, her stomach felt too full.

She knew it was stupid—it was just food, something she had been excited about just earlier—but she couldn’t shake the weight of it.

Viv, meanwhile, was happily tasting everything, humming in approval.

“This bitterballen is amazing,” she mumbled through a bite. “You have to try it.”

Beth nodded, cutting off a small piece, putting it in her mouth, and barely tasting it.

She focused on moving the food around on her plate, occasionally taking tiny bites, trying to seem like she was eating.

But Viv noticed, pausing with her fork midair. “Are you not liking it?”

Beth froze.

She scrambled for an answer, for something to brush it off, but her brain was moving too slow, the guilt settling in her throat.

Viv frowned slightly. “We can order something else. It’s fine.”

Beth shook her head quickly. “No, no—it’s good. I just—”

Viv’s brows furrowed, her gaze flicking between Beth and her barely touched plate.

Beth sighed, setting her fork down. “I don’t know. I just don’t think I’m that hungry.”

Viv hesitated, then carefully set her own fork down. “That’s okay,” she said slowly, her voice gentle. “But if you don’t like something, we can just get something else. It’s not a big deal.”

Beth exhaled through her nose, shaking her head. “It’s not that. I just—” She swallowed. “I’m fine.”

Viv studied her, her eyes searching.

Beth quickly picked her fork back up, stabbing at her food to prove a point, shoving another bite in her mouth.

Viv didn’t look convinced.

She let a few seconds pass before saying, “Beth, really—if you don’t like it, just tell me. We can order something else.”

Beth exhaled sharply, trying to find the words to get Viv to drop it.

“I like it,” she said, her voice tighter than she meant. “I just—I’m fine.”

Viv sat back slightly, observing her.

Beth kept her head down, pretending to focus on her plate.

A beat passed. Then another.

Finally, Viv reached out, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Beth’s ear.

Beth froze.

Viv’s fingers were warm, her touch light, barely there. But Beth felt it.

Felt Viv watching her, felt the care behind it.

She didn’t know what to say, so she just swallowed hard and forced a small smile. “I promise, okay? I’m good.”

Viv didn’t fully believe her, Beth could tell.

But she gave a small nod anyway.

Beth exhaled, picking up her fork again.

She wished she could just eat.

Beth pushed food around her plate, forcing small bites here and there when she felt Viv's eyes on her. She hated that she was doing this—that she was barely eating, that she knew Viv had noticed, but she couldn’t make herself stop.

Viv, thankfully, didn’t say anything else about it. Instead, she carried the conversation, slipping into little stories about home, about her childhood, about the food.

Beth tried to focus. Tried to listen, to laugh when Viv said something funny, to nod along when she talked about her dad loving haring and how she used to beg him to buy poffertjes at every street market when she was little.

She wanted to be present.

She wanted to enjoy this.

But all she could feel was the weight in her stomach—both from the food and from the thoughts she couldn’t shake.

Viv had finished most of her plate by the time the waiter came back to check on them. Beth’s plate, however, was still mostly full.

She could feel Viv glance at it, but she didn’t say anything.

Beth forced a smile, pulling her wallet out as the waiter handed them the bill.

“I got it,” Beth said quickly, before Viv could even reach for her own.

Viv raised an eyebrow. “Beth, you don’t have to—”

“I want to,” Beth cut in. She needed to. It would make her feel better somehow—like she was doing something.

Viv didn’t argue. She just sat back slightly, watching Beth slide her card into the bill holder.

Beth tapped her fingers against the table as the waiter walked away, still feeling unsettled, still restless.

Viv must’ve noticed, because she tilted her head slightly.

“Wanna go for a walk?”

Beth glanced up.

Viv’s voice was soft, careful—not pushing, not prying. Just offering.

Beth exhaled slowly, then nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s go.”

Viv smiled, standing first and reaching for her jacket.

Beth followed, adjusting her own jacket, tugging at the hem of her top again when she thought Viv wasn’t looking.

The night air was crisp, a gentle breeze rolling through the streets as Beth and Viv stepped away from the restaurant. Beth kept her arms close to her body, her fingers trailing over her skin, rubbing at the bare parts she wished were covered.

She hated this.

Hated how exposed she felt.

She hadn’t thought much of it inside the restaurant, where the warm lighting made everything feel softer, but now—outside, under the streetlights, with nothing to distract her—she felt raw. Like every part of her was on display.

She ran a hand up her arm, fingers pressing into her skin, trying to shake off the feeling.

Beside her, Viv glanced over. Beth didn’t notice at first, too focused on trying to not focus on her own body.

Then, before she could even react, Viv was already shrugging off her jacket.

“Here,” Viv said, holding it out.

Beth blinked. “What?”

Viv gave her a look, one that left no room for argument. “You’re cold.”

Beth opened her mouth, about to insist that she was fine, but Viv was already moving, already draping the jacket over Beth’s shoulders like it was non-negotiable.

Beth hesitated but slipped her arms into it anyway, letting the fabric swallow her whole. It smelled like Viv—clean, warm, familiar.

She exhaled slowly, tugging it tighter around her.

Viv smiled softly. “Better?”

Beth nodded, her throat feeling tight. “Yeah.”

They walked in silence for a while. The streets weren’t too busy, just a few people passing by, voices muffled in the distance.

Beth focused on the sound of their footsteps, the way Viv’s hand occasionally brushed hers as they moved.

She knew Viv was going to say something. She could feel it.

And sure enough—

“You seemed quiet at dinner.”

Beth tensed.

Viv’s voice was light, almost careful. She wasn’t pushing, not really. But she was bringing it up.

Beth forced a small chuckle. “I was letting you talk.”

The quiet hum of the city softened as they walked, the distant sound of traffic replaced by the gentle lapping of water. The river stretched ahead of them, dark and rippling under the glow of streetlights.

Beth slowed her pace slightly, gripping the edges of Viv’s jacket a little tighter. It helped—being wrapped in something not her own.

Viv glanced at her again, her hands tucked into the pockets of her slacks.

Then, so softly Beth almost missed it—

“Did you not eat because you were full,” Viv asked, “or for something else?”

Beth’s fingers twitched against the fabric.

She kept her eyes on the water, letting the question settle, letting herself pretend for a second that she didn’t hear it.

But Viv was patient.

She always was.

Beth swallowed. “I told you, I just wasn’t that hungry.”

Viv didn’t say anything right away.

She was quiet, her presence steady beside Beth, the air between them delicate but unyielding.

Then—

“That’s not what I asked.”

Beth exhaled slowly.

She hated this.

Hated how easy it was for Viv to see through her. Hated that she was trying to play this off and that Viv wasn’t letting her.

She let out a short laugh, shaking her head. “Viv, can we not—”

“I just want to understand,” Viv interrupted gently.

Beth turned to look at her then, expecting to see something firm, something stubborn in her expression.

But instead—

Viv just looked soft.

The softest Beth had ever seen her.

There was no frustration, no insistence. Just… care.

And that—that—made it impossible to hold everything in.

Beth clenched her jaw, shaking her head. “I don’t know, okay?” Her voice wavered slightly, betraying her. “I just—” She gestured vaguely, fingers twitching against Viv’s jacket. “I just didn’t feel like eating.”

Viv nodded, slow, thoughtful. “Okay.”

Beth blinked, caught off guard. “Okay?”

Viv nodded again. “Okay.”

Like she wasn’t looking for an argument. Like she wasn’t going to push Beth into saying something she didn’t want to.

And somehow, that made it worse.

Beth let out a slow breath, pressing her lips together.

Viv turned her head toward the water.

Then, carefully, quietly—

“You know you can tell me things, right?”

Beth’s stomach twisted.

She forced out a small, breathy chuckle. “I do tell you things.”

Viv gave her a look.

They had been walking in silence for a while again.

Beth had barely noticed how they had drifted closer to the river, the sound of the water filling the quiet between them.

She adjusted her top for what felt like the hundredth time. Tugged at the fabric. Smoothed it over her stomach. Pulled at the sleeves even though they were already long enough.

She hated this.

She hated that she felt like this. That Viv knew something was wrong. That the dinner had been weird because of her.

Her chest felt tight.

And then—without meaning to—her eyes stung.

She sniffed sharply, wiping at them quickly, hoping Viv wouldn’t notice.

But Viv did.

Beth knew it the second Viv moved closer, the way she hesitated for a split second before gently reaching out—her hand grazing over Beth’s waist, warm and familiar, meant to be comforting.

Beth flinched.

It wasn’t obvious, barely noticeable—but she felt it. And Viv felt it too.

Viv pulled her hand back instantly, like she had been burned.

Beth exhaled sharply, shaking her head. “God—this is so embarrassing.”

Viv’s brows furrowed, her voice soft. “Beth…”

Beth wiped at her face again. “It’s fine.” She sniffed, willing her voice to steady. “I’m fine, Viv.”

Viv exhaled through her nose. “No, you’re not.”

Beth sucked in a breath. “I just—I don’t want to talk about this.”

Viv’s voice was impossibly gentle. “I do.”

Beth clenched her jaw.

Viv pressed, even softer now. “Please talk to me.”

Beth exhaled shakily, rolling her shoulders back. “It’s stupid.”

Viv gave her a look. “It’s not.”

Beth let out a weak, breathless laugh. “It is.”

Viv stayed quiet, patient.

Beth sniffed, wiping at her face again. “I just—” She hesitated, voice barely above a whisper. “I hate my body.”

Viv’s stomach twisted.

Beth shook her head, her voice coming out faster now, spilling before she could stop it. “I hate it, Viv. I hate how I look in everything I wear. I tried on so many things before dinner and I hated all of them. I stood in front of my mirror for so long just trying to pick something that didn’t make me feel disgusting, and I—” She swallowed hard. “And nothing did.”

Viv’s chest ached.

Beth inhaled sharply, blinking hard. “I felt huge all night. I kept thinking about how I looked, how you saw me, how everyone else did. I felt awful.”

Viv’s fingers twitched at her sides, like she wanted to reach for her again—but she didn’t.

Beth exhaled shakily. “That’s why I didn’t eat.”

Viv’s breath caught.

Beth let out a breathy, humorless laugh. “And then at dinner, I—I barely ate because I felt gross. I felt like if I ate, you’d see it. Like you’d look at me and really see me, and I didn’t want that.”

Viv inhaled sharply, something in her chest twisting painfully.

Beth shook her head. “And I know how stupid that sounds. I know I shouldn’t feel like this, but I do.”

Viv’s lips parted slightly, but she stayed quiet, listening.

Beth’s voice wavered again. “And I know you noticed—you always do—but I didn’t want to ruin tonight. I wanted to make it good for you. I wanted to show you I care, and instead, I spent the whole time being miserable.”

Silence.

Beth took a shaky breath, still staring at the water. Then, barely above a whisper—

“And sometimes, I just—” Beth hesitated, pressing her nails into her palm, her breath shaky. “I look at who you’ve been with before, and I just—”

Viv’s brows furrowed slightly, waiting.

Beth exhaled sharply, still not looking at her. “She was so much thinner than me.”

Viv’s lips parted, her chest tightening.

Beth let out a dry, humorless laugh, shaking her head. “She has an amazing body.” Her voice cracked slightly. “And I hate how much I think about it, but I do.”

Viv took a slow breath, shaking her head slightly, already about to argue, but Beth didn’t let her.

“You know it’s true,” Beth whispered, her voice raw. “I am so much bigger than her and so much bigger than you.” She sucked in a breath, blinking hard. “And sometimes, I feel like—” Her throat closed up, and she had to force the words out. “Like maybe I don’t belong next to you.”

Viv flinched.

Beth exhaled shakily, her jaw clenching as she wiped at her face roughly. “You’re so beautiful, Viv.” Her voice was breathless, almost helpless. “You’re perfect. You’re tall, and lean, and strong, and stunning, and people notice you when you walk into a room.” She let out another weak laugh, her stomach twisting. “Every girl has a crush on you.”

Viv’s chest ached.

Beth inhaled sharply, her shoulders shaking. “I just—I get scared.”

Viv’s fingers curled at her sides. “Beth—”

Beth’s voice wavered. “That one day you’re going to look at me and see it too.” She swallowed hard. “That you’ll wake up and realize that maybe I don’t do it for you, that maybe when we’re together, you think I look too—”

She didn’t finish the sentence.

Viv’s expression crumbled.

Beth let out a weak breath, wiping at her tears, feeling so stupid, so small.

Viv stepped forward, instinctively reaching out, her hands lifting slightly—like she wanted to pull Beth into her arms, to hold her, to tell her she was wrong, to make her feel it.

But before she could, Beth flinched.

She shook her head quickly, stepping back. “Please don’t touch me.”

Viv froze.

Beth could feel the moment Viv stilled, the way her hands dropped slightly, the way her expression flickered—just for a second—like the words had hurt.

Beth bit the inside of her cheek, wiping at her tears, her chest aching.

Viv exhaled, slowly. Then, carefully, softly— “I would never think that.”

Beth pressed her lips together, nodding like she wanted to believe her, like she was trying to.

Then, after a moment, Viv’s voice came, quiet and careful.

“Did someone ever make you feel like this?”

Beth swallowed, her gaze dropping to the ground. She hesitated for a second, her throat tightening, before nodding.

Viv exhaled, shifting slightly, her body still tense. “…Was it—”

“No,” Beth cut in quickly, shaking her head before Viv could even finish. She knew what was coming. She could hear the name forming on Viv’s lips.

Viv hesitated, eyes searching Beth’s face.

Beth took a slow breath, blinking hard. “It was before.”

Viv didn’t say anything right away.

Viv’s voice was careful when she spoke again. “Have you ever felt like that with me?”

Beth stiffened slightly, her breath catching, but she nodded.

Viv’s chest tightened. “When?”

Beth hesitated, looking away, trying to keep her breathing even.

“Beth,” Viv pressed, her voice impossibly soft. “Tell me.”

Beth exhaled shakily, her throat dry. She wiped at her eyes again, feeling ridiculous, before forcing herself to speak.

“A while ago.” Her voice wavered. “One time in particular.”

Viv nodded, encouraging her to continue.

Beth clenched her hands into fists at her sides. “We were in my apartment. Everything was okay. We were having… you know.” She let out a small, broken breath. “I’d been feeling a bit insecure all day, but I wanted to be with you. I thought I was okay to be with you.”

She sniffled. “But then… we were together, and you were taking my clothes off, and touching me, and I just—” She swallowed hard, her voice barely above a whisper. “Every time you touched me, I felt disgusting.”

Viv’s lips parted, her entire body stilling.

Beth let out a weak, breathless laugh, but it wasn’t funny—it was bitter and full of something small.

“I hated myself so much,” she whispered, “for letting you believe I was enjoying it.”

Viv didn’t say anything.

Beth risked a glance at her, and the sight made her chest tighten painfully—Viv’s jaw clenched, her lips pressed together, her eyes red, glistening.

“I—” Beth wiped at her eyes quickly. “I’m sorry, I—”

Viv shook her head immediately. “No. It’s okay.” Her voice was quiet, hoarse. “It’s not your fault.”

Beth exhaled sharply, her chest aching, more tears spilling down her face.

“I’m sorry I lied.”

Viv’s lips parted slightly, like she wanted to say something, but for once, she didn’t seem to know what.

Her brows furrowed, her hands curling into the sleeves of her jacket. She exhaled slowly, thinking, then—

“After… it ended, did you feel better at least?”

Beth let out a breath, shaking her head. “No.”

Viv’s jaw clenched slightly.

Beth swallowed hard, rubbing her fingers against her palm. “I—” She let out a shaky breath. “I tried. I went to the bathroom. I told you I was going to take a shower, but I only did it so I could calm myself down without you seeing.”

Viv’s eyes flickered, her breath uneven. “Did it help?”

Beth let out a weak, breathy laugh. “Not really.” She sniffled, wiping at her nose. “Because I saw you in bed—happy. You kept looking at me like I was the best thing in the world, and you kept complimenting me, and you held me, and all I could think about was how awful it was that I had lied to you.”

Viv nodded slowly, like she was trying to absorb every word, but her face was tight, her lips pressed together like she was hurting.

Beth let out a slow, trembling breath. “I couldn’t bear it.”

She sniffled, shaking her head. “You were right there, sleeping next to me, hugging me, and I just—” She pressed a hand to her forehead, voice cracking. “I just started crying.”

Viv inhaled sharply.

Beth let out a broken laugh, wiping at her eyes roughly. “For hours, Viv. Because I hated that I did that. I hated myself for it.”

Viv was quiet.

So, so quiet.

Beth clenched her jaw, trying to control her breathing. “I swear,” she whispered. “I didn’t pretend anything. I didn’t fake—” She swallowed hard, words failing her. “I did finish. I promise.”

Viv blinked, her eyes glossy.

She shook her head softly. “That doesn’t matter.” Her voice was so gentle, so soft.

Beth’s lips parted slightly.

Viv’s gaze flickered over her face. “You matter,” she murmured. “Not that.”

Beth exhaled sharply, closing her eyes for a second before more tears spilled over.

Silence settled between them.

Beth sniffled, wrapping her arms around herself, trying to keep steady.

Then—

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Viv’s voice was barely above a whisper.

Beth’s breath caught.

Viv hesitated. “Did you—” She swallowed thickly. “Did you think I wouldn’t stop?” Her voice wavered. “Because I would. You know that, right?”

Beth’s stomach twisted. “I know.” Her voice cracked slightly. “I know you would.”

Viv waited, quiet, patient.

Beth inhaled shakily. “I was embarrassed.”

Viv’s eyes softened.

Beth let out a humorless laugh. “I didn’t want you to know.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

Viv exhaled slowly, nodding slightly.

Beth wiped at her face, voice trembling. “I am so, so, so sorry, Vivi,” she whispered. “I planned this dinner to try and make you feel special, and I just—” She let out a breathless, broken laugh. “I ruined it.”

Viv didn’t say anything at first.

She just stood there, her face shattered, her eyes filled with so many emotions Beth couldn’t even begin to understand.

Then—

“Can I hug you?”

Beth tensed immediately.

Viv noticed the way her shoulders went rigid, the way her breath hitched, and she was quick to backtrack.

“Never mind,” she said softly, shaking her head, eyes flickering away. “It’s okay—”

Beth took a step forward.

Viv’s gaze snapped back to her.

Beth exhaled slowly, voice barely above a whisper. “Just… don’t touch my stomach. Please.”

Viv nodded immediately.

She lifted her arms carefully—slow, gentle—and placed one around Beth’s back, the other threading into her hair, cradling her, holding her.

Viv held Beth close, one hand steady on her back, the other tangled gently in her hair, her thumb rubbing slow, soothing circles. Beth’s breathing was uneven against her, the occasional hiccup betraying that she was still trying to calm down.

And Viv just—held her.

She didn’t rush her, didn’t try to fix it, didn’t tell her to stop crying. She just let Beth be, let her work through it in her own time.

Her lips brushed lightly over the top of Beth’s head. “You’re beautiful,” she murmured, voice steady, like she was saying something undeniable. “You are.”

Beth exhaled shakily.

Viv kissed her again, just as soft, letting her feel it. “And I love you.”

Beth gripped onto her tighter.

They stayed like that, standing in the quiet, Beth gradually sinking into the comfort of Viv’s arms. She was still tense, but the sharp edges of her distress dulled slightly with every small press of Viv’s lips against her hair.

Eventually, Beth sniffled, her voice coming out small. “I’m really sorry,” she murmured. “I know you’re probably hurt. And I—” She sighed, shifting slightly in Viv’s arms. “I know I must’ve made you feel… I don’t know. Betrayed?”

Viv’s grip tightened slightly. “I’m not,” she said softly. “You were insecure. You weren’t okay. I don’t blame you for that.” She pulled back slightly, her eyes so sincere. “But please, next time, just tell me. I don’t ever want to do something that makes you feel like that.”

Beth hesitated, voice still hesitant. “You’re not mad?”

Viv shook her head. “Of course not.” Her expression was steady, her touch warm. “Just… worried. That you had to go through that alone.”

Beth nodded, exhaling. “I promise it was just that one time. I swear on us.”

Viv studied her for a moment, then pressed a long, lingering kiss to Beth’s forehead. “Okay, lief,” she murmured. “I believe you.”

Beth let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, her body finally relaxing into Viv’s. She was still resting against her chest, listening to the steady rhythm of her heartbeat, letting herself breathe.

Then, Viv spoke, quieter now. “You know I mean every word I say, right?”

Beth swallowed, lifting her gaze slightly.

Viv didn’t meet her eyes, just held her closer. “Every compliment I give you. Every time I tell you you’re beautiful.” Her fingers traced slow, gentle shapes along Beth’s back. “Including tonight. I love that top.”

Beth sucked in a breath. “You promise?”

Viv chuckled softly, finally looking at her. “Yes, I do.” She pressed another kiss to Beth’s temple. “I love how it looks on you.”

Beth’s grip tightened slightly around her waist, soaking in the warmth of the moment.

Then, Viv took a slow breath. “And… the thing about my ex, or people I’ve been with before.”

Beth groaned, pulling back slightly. “God, I can’t believe I said that.”

Viv shook her head, smiling softly. “I never think about that. I don’t compare anything.” She tilted her head slightly, watching Beth closely. “And if I did… in my opinion, you’d win.”

Beth scoffed, raising an eyebrow. “That’s ridiculous.”

Viv hummed, a knowing look in her eyes. Then she tilted her head, smirking slightly. “Can I sexualize you for a bit?”

Beth huffed a laugh, shaking her head but smiling. “Yeah, you can.”

Viv’s hands found Beth’s waist, fingers pressing lightly into her sides. She wasn’t even thinking, just following instinct, wanting to be as close as possible. Viv started to pull away, but Beth caught her wrists, holding them still. “It’s okay,” she murmured, voice barely above a whisper.

Viv searched her face for a moment, then nodded. She let her hands rest there, gentle but firm, grounding. “Good. Because I love your body.” Her grip tightened slightly, fingertips pressing in. “Your waist—how perfect it fits in my hands.” She trailed her fingers over Beth’s sides, eyes following the movement. “Your legs—God, your thighs, Beth—” She sighed dramatically. “I should write about them.”

Beth’s face burned instantly, and Viv just kept going.

“And don’t even get me started on your boobs,” she said, her voice dipping just slightly, her eyes flicking downward. “They’re insane. It’s unfair.”

Beth let out a small, breathy laugh, covering her face. “Vivi.”

Viv tugged at her hands, guiding them away. “I love how soft you are. How warm.” Her voice dipped lower, softer. “I love every single part of you. There’s nothing I would ever change.” She let her hands roam lightly, mapping Beth’s sides with featherlight touches. “And I never think about anyone else, because why the hell would I, when I have you?”

Beth’s fingers curled into Viv’s jacket, her throat feeling tight in a way that had nothing to do with sadness this time.

She blinked up at her, eyes still glassy. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Viv smiled, barely, and Beth closed the small distance between them, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to her lips.

Viv melted into it instantly, one hand sliding into Beth’s hair, the other staying firm on her waist. When they pulled apart, she didn’t let go—just held Beth close.

Viv shifted slightly, her grip still secure around Beth, before her voice came, soft but careful.

“Have you eaten anything today?”

Beth stilled.

Viv must have felt it, the slight hesitation in her muscles, because her hand moved soothingly over Beth’s back. “Tell me the truth,” she said gently. “I won’t say anything. I just want to know.”

Beth exhaled through her nose, her fingers playing with the hem of Viv’s jacket. “Not much,” she admitted after a beat. “Just a banana in the morning.”

Viv didn’t react right away, just nodded like she was absorbing the information. Then, after a moment, she asked, “Can I buy you something?”

Beth frowned, already shaking her head. “Viv, I’m fine—”

“For both of us,” Viv interrupted, her tone leaving no room for argument. “I’ll eat with you.”

Beth hesitated, eyes flickering toward Viv’s, and for a second, Viv thought she was going to refuse again. But then, slowly, Beth nodded.

Viv squeezed her side gently, pressing a soft kiss to her temple before pulling away. She glanced around and spotted a hot dog truck a little further down the walkway.

“Would that be okay?” she asked, tilting her head toward it.

Beth followed her gaze, then nodded again. “Yeah.”

Viv took her hand without thinking, leading her over to the truck, where she ordered two hot dogs and a couple of drinks. Beth stood next to her, silent but present, watching as Viv thanked the vendor and took their food.

When she turned back, she handed one of the hot dogs to Beth, who took it with a quiet, “Thanks.”

They walked back toward the railing by the river, standing side by side, eating in comfortable silence. The city lights reflected on the water, the occasional sound of passing cars or laughter from groups walking nearby filling the quiet between them.

Beth swallowed a bite, then exhaled, a small smile tugging at her lips.

“This reminds me of our first date,” she murmured, glancing sideways at Viv. “Remember? Eating burgers after I fucked up the restaurant.”

Viv chuckled, her lips curling into a smirk. “Of course, I remember,” she said. “I loved it.”

Beth raised an eyebrow. “You loved me embarrassing myself?”

Viv turned to her fully, bumping their shoulders together playfully. “No, I loved us.”

Beth rolled her eyes, but there was warmth in her expression, in the way she nudged Viv back.

They finished their hot dogs in comfortable silence, the quiet hum of the city filling the space between them. Beth wiped her hands on a napkin, glancing at Viv, who was finishing the last bite of hers.

Viv swallowed, then turned to her. “Do you want anything else?” she asked, her voice light but genuine. “I can buy you something, just tell me.”

Beth shook her head, a small smile tugging at her lips. “I’m okay.”

Viv studied her, brows slightly furrowed, as if making sure she really meant it. “Are you sure? I don’t mind, Beth. Whatever you want—”

Before she could finish, Beth stepped closer, wrapping her arms around Viv’s neck, pulling her in.

“I promise,” she murmured, her voice softer now, more certain.

Viv exhaled, her hands instinctively finding Beth’s waist, holding her close. They stayed like that for a moment, just standing there, holding each other under the soft glow of the streetlights.

Beth smiled, tilting her head slightly, her fingers playing with the ends of Viv’s hair. “Thank you,” she said, her voice quiet but firm. “For understanding. For everything. Even… that thing.”

Viv just smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of Beth’s head. “Of course, lief.”

Beth let out a small breath, leaning into her touch. When she pulled back slightly, her eyes were warm, more open than before. “I’m really lucky to be with someone like you.”

Viv’s expression softened, her thumbs brushing over Beth’s sides.

Beth swallowed, her voice even softer now, almost like a confession. “I don’t ever want to be without this.”

Viv’s lips curled, and she pulled Beth just a little closer. “You won’t.”