An Ode to Hogwarts
Hermione
The sun dipped low over the horizon, casting a fiery glow against the murky water of the Black lake and the area around her.
It was peaceful, serene and calming in a way that Hermione had needed after the past few weeks. The lake had always been the one place she felt safe enough to come and sit down beside, comforted by the silence and the occasional ripples of the giant squid. It’s serenity enough to calm her mind from it’s torment.
The castle loomed behind her, almost like a nightmare. Tall, ancient and what had once been a symbol of peace and safety for so many people, but never for herself. While she would miss the grounds, the castle was something she longed to escape from. It’s oppressing walls and watchful eyes like knives in her back.
Did the other Hermione feel this way too?
Did the other Hermione have the weight of the world on her shoulders and crushing responsibility that made her feel like she was being torn apart at the seams? It seemed both possible and impossible.
Hermione longed for her home, her family and a chance to fix the wrongs that had been made, and Hogwarts had stopped being her home the moment her respect for Dumbledore wavered. Walls that had once wowed her, made her feel young and hopeful, now made her feel old and bitter.
One shouldn’t long for war, Hermione knew that. Yet, in a way she did. She longed for the ability to do something with her life and the future – she longed for peace. She longed for freedom.
She longed for her impossible mission to be over, and a part of her wanted someone else to take over, for her to be nothing more than a solider in a long line of ex students trying to make the world right again.
The truth was that no one else could be trusted with this.
Her parents, as loving and kind as they were, were older – their time measured everyday. Silver threading through their hair and lines forming deeper into their faces with every passing day. They were deeply involved in the war, but how long did they really have and how much effort could they really put into ending the war?
Dumbledore? The thought almost made her scoff. She couldn’t trust him as far as she could throw him. Manipulative, calculated and borderline cruel with everything he had done to her. One wrong move and she would be silenced forever, she knew that and so did Dumbledore – and it was easier here to keep an eye on each other but not so much once real life came into play.
Her friends…
Broken trust came to mind. Her already fragile trust fraying. Four out of five had done nothing wrong, but that one...he had ruined her the moment he opened his mouth and he had spun a web of doubt into her mind. How long would it be before someone else betrayed her – for their own safety or because they were stupid and reckless?
Sirius had broken her in so many ways, and for a while he had tried his best to fix her, it only led to shattering them both. It led to cold looks and barely civil conversations from her side, and sad eyes and whispered words from his side. Once she might have felt guilty, might have expected everyone else to make her feel guilty about it too, but they all acted as though it was normal.
No one batted an eye when Marlene did it either, ignoring Sirius unless she wanted to glare at him, but mainly she acted as though he didn’t exist. She didn’t prod Hermione either, more than happy to pretend there wasn’t a secret between them. Loyal and able to keep her nose out, able to deal with the fact that her boyfriend was a Deatheater and her life was about to change. She took it all in stride and Hermione admired her for that.
Lily had stood by her side. Surprisingly, so had Remus. The pair of them making it clear they weren’t pushing the matters and they understood the severity of Sirius’ actions. Hermione had heard them enough times telling Sirius they wouldn’t do anything but be friends and understood the girls reasonings for shutting Sirius out. No matter how much he begged.
Their trust in Hermione meant everything to her, and she tried to pay it back in tenfold despite the doubt in her mind. She didn’t want them in danger, even more than they already were...a werewolf and a Muggleborn, but the irony that they had helped bring down Voldemort was enough to make her left out a small chuckle. She would keep them safe for as long as she could, and she would trust them enough to finish what she started if...if she didn’t make it.
Then there was James, her sweet brother. The only one who she trusted completely. The one she would really be lost without.
A sigh left her mouth as she turned back to the lake, the surface growing blacker and the sun dipper lower, the light slipping away from her like the final days at Hogwarts were. The night turning blacker than the war outside that she would be fighting in..
She took one last look at the castle behind her, its silhouette against the fading light a stark reminder of all that had been lost and all that was yet to be fought for. Then, with a deep breath, she turned away, ready to face whatever lay ahead. She had no love left for Hogwarts, but she had love for her friends, for her family, and for the world they would one day live in, free of the darkness that had haunted them for so long.
And that, she told herself, would be enough.
…
Saturday the 27th of May 1978
The sky was a brilliant blue with faint wispy clouds spreading across it – a thing that uplifted many moods. Not an indication of rain, and perfect weather conditions for the final Quidditch match of the season – and for many of their school year. It seemed the whole school was in the stands, forced to stand elbow to elbow and attempting to dodge cheering arms.
Gryffindor and Ravenclaw cheered the loudest as their teams headed onto the pitch, Hufflepuff supported mildly and the Slytherins booed.
Hermione, Remus and Lily stood at the front, having barged their way their despite the sneers and half-hearted angry looks. Honestly, she wasn’t sure she wanted to be here but a few puppy dog looks and pleading from James had her grumbling in agreement and taking a much needed break from studying.
“This year has gone so fast – I can’t believe this is their last match or the last match we’ll ever see here.” Lily sighed out with a slight pout, eyes mainly focused on James.
“Probably the last match we’ll see at all.” Hermione mumbled as both of them turned to look at her in concern. “I mean...it’s not like we’re going to be supporting the Wembley Wasps every game, is it?” She added with a scoff as Lily held back a laugh and Remus rolled his eyes.
“Wimbourne – not Wembley…” He groaned out as she shrugged her shoulders.
“My point stands.” Hermione mumbled out, throwing her hands in the air and smiling apologetically at the person she nearly hit. “So let’s enjoy today and leave it at that.”
No one else had time to say anything as the teams lined up in the centre of the pitch, each captain nodding to the other, Sirius grinning as he twirled his bat and Marlene looking bored before she sent a quick grin to Edith on the other side who rolled her stormy eyes at them, but there was a small smirk on her face.
The whistle blew and the players shot into the air like knocked arrows. The match intense from the very get go, every point Gryffindor scored seeming to be match by Ravenclaw, while the beaters seemed to be aiming with brutal accuracy, the players having to all but dive out of the way and loose their focus to stay on their brooms.
James and Marlene, plus their other chaser, worked well, but Edith was quick and agile, and Remus was grinning with pride even if he was supporting the other team, yet she alone was no match for the fluid way James and Marlene seemed to work together.
“Come on, James!” Lily shouted, her hands cupped around her mouth as she cheered for her boyfriend, cheeks bright pink as she screamed. James didn’t look over but a grin took over his face which let them know he had heard.
Remus hissed as Sirius aimed a bludger towards Edith with a grin, that she dodge with a roll that her eyes matched but a smile was playing on her lips.
The score remained close until it didn’t. One well-timed pass from Marlene to James had earned them the points they needed to secure a win of the cup so long as they could get the snitch. Except the Ravenclaw seeker seemed to think the same, having enough of trailing, diving for the snitch and missing narrowly as the Gryffindor seeker seemed to come out of nowhere, his hand wrapping around the golden ball and his face splitting into a grin.
The stands erupted in deafening cheers, the Gryffindor door house all but running to the pitch as the team settled on the ground.
James’ grin was so wide it looked like it hurt, but it didn’t stop even as Lily ran into him, her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her level and her lips going to his in a kiss that showed her pride and had everyone cheering louder than before. He pulled back with the same grin, spinning her around in a circle as she giggled against him.
Sirius grinned beside Remus, eyes mischievous grin on his face as he elbowed his friend. “Guess you’ll have to be comforting Edith tonight or bragging.”
Remus blushed but let out a small chuckle. “I’m too much of a gentleman to do either.”
“I hope not, I might need some cheering up.” Edith spoke as she appeared beside them, amusement in her eyes and a pout on her face as she reached for him, wrapping her arms around his waist and settling her head on Remus’ chest as Sirius let out a barking laugh.
“Whatever you want.” Remus replied, grinning sheepishly but it was drowned out by singing.
At the centre of it all were Marlene and Hermione, dancing together, their arms linked as the twirled around and kicked out their legs, leading their house through one of their many made up chants that would be forgotten in a few years. Hermione looked younger than she had in a while, her sternness gone for the time being as she matched with Marlene’s wild energy.
A moment they would remember for a while to come. A moment they would cherish when the war got too tough. Happiness and being young.
The whole school seemed to cheer as the Quidditch cup was lifted above James’ head, but none cheered louder than their little group, their own little family.
…
James
Has there ever been a dream you have wanted for as long as you can remember?
Nothing too big, nothing career wise – just something you wanted and knew you could get if you worked hard enough. And that when you got it, you would feel happiness for a few fleeting moments and satisfaction when you looked back like; ‘Yeah, I did that.’
James had always imagine winning the final Quidditch Cup of his Hogwarts career would feel like that. That it was his dream and he would feel like he had everything afterwards; A great school life, great friends and the perfect girl, plus a trophy on top of that but it all kind of felt hollow – like it paled in comparison as to what they were about to walk into.
Obviously, he was happy with his friends and he loved Lily more than anything, but it was everything else.
Here he should have been at the party in the Common Room, celebrating and cheering with everyone – maybe drinking a bit too much and doing stupid things that he would groan about it the morning. Instead he sat looking at the Quidditch Pitch, the wind blowing his already messy hair around his face and his body slumped against the seats.
It had meant so much to him when he was eleven, he had begged and pleaded to be put on the team – nearly cried when he was denied special treatment and he did cry with tears of joy when he was finally put on the team not a year later. It had been his and he had played well and now it was over.
All of it was over.
Nothing would be the same. He would join the Aurors as he always planned to do, learning to protect the innocent and help those who needed help, because despite his errors, that’s what he had always wanted to do. Like his father had been doing for the past however many years. Like he needed to do to help Hermione, in any way he could, to save the world.
The war was just a few steps away and already pulling away their innocence – it had already chipped away so much of Hermione, leaving her more worn and weary than she should ever have been. She was carrying so much on her shoulders, more than anyone should have to bear. He was terrified of what it might do to her in the long run.
It hurt him. He had always fought to protect her, all of his friends, to take on as much as he could for them. But this...this was something he couldn’t just fight off with a well-placed hex or a bit of cleverness. This was war, and war had a way of twisting people, of breaking them. The haunted look in Hermione’s eyes, the way she seemed to distance herself from everyone, the relentless determination that left no room for anything else. It frightened him.
She needed him, and in order for that, James would have to join the Order and follow a man that he didn’t trust as far as he could throw him, but what other choice did he have? It wasn’t like there were many resistance groups out there.
He hadn’t even stepped out into the real world and yet he could feel the panic it would cause, the worry that would overtake him, not just for his sister but for everyone. His sweet, brilliant, beautiful Lily, who was the love of his life. The one he pictured a future with, when the war was over and they could have millions of kids and a small house. Yet, it felt so far away. He could bring it closer, marry her and have a kid but he was a kid himself, unready and unprepared, and he doubted she wanted that.
Still, it made him think of people who couldn’t have what he had with Lily. Like Marlene, a girl who meant so much to him and who he had seen grow from brash and brutally honest to caring and willing to risk her life for a boy on the wrong side. Yet, also willing to risk everything to join the Aurors, even if that meant going up against her boyfriend.
Or Sirius, who was his brother in all but blood. Who had let the darkness and bitterness of knowing Hermione’s secret take root. Sharper and willing to throw things away because of his hurt, even if it hurt everyone else in the process. It still angered him to think about all the damage Sirius had called.
Maybe Remus would be able to bring him around, but Remus had his own problems. A life that would be difficult outside the castle, and the inability to get a job because of what he was. James wondered if Remus would notice if he slipped him some money now and then, just to help out. He wouldn’t let Remus suffer if he could help it, but he also knew how proud his friend was. It was a delicate balance.
He was sure his parents would help, but Remus would never accept it. He would see it that they were on their own, adults in every sense, he would see it as a burden to the Potter’s, who were already fighting a war and raising children of their own. James didn’t like to think too much of his parents, of the war they were in and how close they might have come to...he didn’t want to think about it.
Instead he looked at the castle in the distant. Home away from home, filled with memories. He would miss it, every single moment of it, but a new generation of mischief would come along. Maybe one day they would find the map they had let Filch take, figure out how to use it and pass it on, they wouldn’t have the invisibility cloak though. That was pretty much packed away, and would be now used in a war.
James sighed, looking out at the darkening sky. Hogwarts had been his home, but now it was time to leave. Time to face the world outside these walls, a world that was far less forgiving, far more dangerous. He would miss this place, but he knew they had to move on. They had to fight. He only hoped that when it was all over, they would have something left to come back to.
…
Friday the 16th of June 1978
The sound of quills scratching against parchment was all that could be heard in the Great Hall. The four tables gone and replaced with rows of desks, students sat behind them and focusing on the paper before them. It was easy to forget the war and everything outside in face of an exam, familiar and just as tiring.
Though it was easy to see who was regretting finishing early, their eyes darting around at the other students who frowned or kept their eyes on their exam. This was the last exam they would ever take here and from then on it would be a few last classes, ones that would focus more on what they could expect outside or with jobs and then on a train back home and never back again.
Hermione had finished a while ago and was using her time to doodle instead of dwelling, she wouldn’t let herself dwell to much. James was twirling his quill around his fingers, Remus was frowning thoughtfully, Sirius was nodding his head to music on he could hear, Marlene was tapping her fingers and reading over her answers and Lily – well Lily was still writing.
The exam came to an end a few minutes later, Professor McGonagall’s voice ringing out and calling for the students to put down their quills. People hesitated, grabbing their bags slowly as though they were worried about leaving the room and entering the sun, maybe they were just nervous about what came next.
For each step, each day, was bringing them closer to the end.
The little group of friends made their way outside, the warm air greeting them and ruffling their hair as they made their way to sit down outside.
“Well, that was it – our last exam at Hogwarts.” James cried, falling to the floor with an easy grin as Lily sat down beside him, teeth digging into her bottom lip.
Hermione nodded her head in agreement, sitting across from him and tilting her head to the side with her own little smile. “Weird, seems like we’ve been working to this moment for so long and now it’s over and I’m not sure what comes next.” She sighed out.
The group except Marlene who seemed to be thinking of something else turned to look at her, raising their eyebrows as James let out a laugh. “Probably saving the world.”
It was a sad laugh though as she looked away and Sirius seemed to take that as a sign to be his usual self, barking out a laugh and clapping his hands together. “I’m just glad to be over with that exam shit – I mean who needs exams to become an Auror anyway?”
“The three of us.” Marlene remarked dryly, a slight glare on her features as Sirius’ smile fell. “It’s not the sort of job you can just walk into.” She added with biting snark to her tone, her lip curling slightly before she looked away.
“I’m glad it’s over but it does feel...final, doesn’t it?” Remus asked, the smiles falling from their faces. “Like we really are leaving this place behind.” He looked around with an air of longing.
“Don’t get all sentimental on us, Moony.” James teased, bringing the humour back around before they could all think too long. “We’ll be fine out there, what with all the bigger things we’ll have to worry about.”
“You say that now, but I bet in two weeks you’ll be crying about how much you miss this place and your little pranks.” Marlene joked, stretching out her legs before her as she leaned back onto her hands and closed her eyes towards the sun.
“I won’t miss that.” Lily dryly commented but there was amusement in her eyes. “And I swear if you try and do it out there then you’ll be sorry.” She added as she pointed a finger at James who just laughed as he grabbed her hand and placed a kiss onto the back of it.
“What are you going to do?”
“What I’ve been wanting to do for years but haven’t been able to on account of being a Prefect, Headgirl and a general rule follower.” She softly snapped back, but there was a grin on her face as she leaned in closer to James..
“Scary.” Sirius whispered, shaking his hands and laughing as Lily’s leg shot out to kick him.
James rolled his eyes, pulling Lily into his side and pressing a kiss on her cheek. “So how are we all thinking we did? Good enough for our dream jobs or shit enough that we’ll all have to head to the Muggle world?”
“I’m hoping to pass, but I’m sure I’ll remember some error I made and worry about failing until the results come through.” Hermione sighed out with a teasing smile. It was what she had been like during O.W.Ls even though she had known she had done it before. Even though she had all O’s.
“Only you, Mi’, would worry about failing like you don’t already have twenty O.W.Ls.” Remus huffed out with a shake of his head, nudging her knee gently as she fake pouted at him.
“I wish I could have twenty but sadly just ten.”
The group continued talking, or most of them did except Sirius who remained quiet, staring at his lap and giving nothing but a few comments to the conversation. Hermione refused to feel bad, refused to give him anything but cold indifference after the grief he had given her and Marlene. It was enough that they could sit with him.
The chatter turned to answers they had gotten, with James laughing at one of Marlene’s as she groaned and fell back onto the grass, with Lily patting her leg with a small chuckle. “If I never have to think about Transfiguration again, it’ll be too soon.”
“At least we’ll never have to deal with Slughorn’s ‘subtle’ attempts at favouritism in Potions again.” Lily spoke with a laugh before stopping as everyone looked at her, her cheeks turning pink and her emerald eyes going wide. “What?”
“You mean you...we never had to deal with it in the first place.” Remus pointed out before shrugging his shoulders. “I haven’t had to deal with him for the past two years, thankfully.”
“Shame you missed some great stuff – like Marly’s habit of causing Slytherin’s cauldrons to explode.” Sirius commented, light eyes darkening as Marlene didn’t laugh at his joke, her mouth twitching slightly and her eyes rolling.
“People should have known to keep their mouths shut around me unless they want to deal with the consequences of pissing me off.” Despite the slight smirk on her face, her eyes were as cold as a winters day and Sirius flinched, bowing his head and saying nothing else. If he thought for a moment that a comment would make things better then he was mistaken.
James coughed, an easy smile spreading across his face as he rubbed Lily’s back. “You know, it feels like yesterday we came here and now it’s nearly done – it’s gone so fast.”
“It really does. But I’m glad we had this. I’m glad we had each other.”
…
Lily
The library was her safe place, but it was quiet now. Studying was finished and everyone was preparing for the next few days before they were all gone for the summer, and some forever. She would miss this room the most, the quietness and the books. Sure, she could find a library back home but none of them would compare to the books here, magical and fascinating.
Though she doubted she would miss Hogwarts too much. It was a fine line between love and hate for her.
When she had discovered she was a witch, thanks to Severus, it had been like a dream. Walking through Diagon Alley, and coming to Hogwarts had been everything she had ever wanted. A group of people she could fit in with, only for her ignorance to hit her smack in the face and show her the true colours of the students around her.
She was just as different here as she was in the Muggle world. Hogwarts and some of its students had been more cruel than she ever wanted to admit, and now there was a man who wanted her and many like her dead. And her old best friend was on the wrong side.
The boy who had showed her who she was with a small smile on his face was now long gone. Changed into a man she no longer recognised, he had become something cruel and twisted. A face she would now see on the opposite side of the battlefield. She wondered, not for the first time, if he would be able to hurt her, if he could kill her as easily as his friends might. The thought of Severus, wand raised, eyes cold, haunted her, but he had made his choice.
She didn’t want to think about it any longer. Once again she would be torn between two worlds, her parents eager to have her home and her friends who were eager to fight. Her parents, who loved her dearly but didn’t quite understand her. The world of magic meant nothing to them, and it only pushed her further away. And Petunia…
She didn’t fit in there any more, too different for the Muggles, and yet, in the Wizarding world, she was still too much of a Muggle.
Her friends though were there for her, craving out places in their lives for her. James, the love of her life, with his beautiful crooked smile, an adventure she never wanted to walk away from. A man about to become an Auror and step first in line for a war that risked his life, and she didn’t want him to go but she couldn’t hold him back. He would fight, and he would help Hermione, and they would fix the world together. Lily too, if they would let her.
Hermione, though seemed to be reluctant to let Lily join the Horcrux hunt. The Order she couldn’t stop, and it was almost like she thought the diadem was enough for Lily, but Lily wasn’t going to be left behind. She had seen how Hermione had changed, was hiding things again, parts of the future, pieces of the puzzle that she was too scared to share. Lily couldn’t blame her. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know what would happen, whether she would make it out of this war alive. But she trusted Hermione, even if that trust was tinged with fear...fear of what Hermione might know and wasn’t saying.
They were her main worries, but she had others, like Marlene, a force of nature but so kind and walking a dangerous line, it scared Lily so much. Remus, who like her faced prejudice, she vowed then and there to help him find a job, to do whatever it took to make sure he wasn’t left to fend for himself. The werewolf and the Mudblood, both fighting for their place in a world that didn’t want them.
Then there was Sirius, confused, hurt, and so full of anger. Sirius needed structure, needed something to ground him, and Lily hoped that joining the Aurors would give him that. But she could see how Hermione’s secret had changed him, had darkened his outlook, had made him question everything. She worried about him, about what would happen if he didn’t find his footing soon.
Her fingers tapped out a tune on the wooden table as she tried to bring herself back to the present. The future was coming whether they liked it or not, and they needed to be strong, or someone needed to be strong for them or they would be tore apart.
…
Tuesday the 20th of June 1978
For the past few years a group of animals had walked amongst the grounds of Hogwarts while the moon shined to it’s fullest. Three to be more accurate, a large wolf with golden eyes, a proud stag with large antlers and a big black dog that some said looked like the grim itself. Some people had seen them, thought they were imagining things, for if they were spotted then in a second they were gone.
Some said that they haunted the grounds, some would be sad to find out the next year that all three disappeared, that tonight might be the last night to see them at Hogwarts.
The three boys sat in the Shrieking Shack, much like they had many times before, heaviness hanging in the air as they looked at each other.
Remus twitched slightly, the full moon getting closer with every passing second and it showed on Remus’ face, drawn and pale, in pain despite the potion he had been drinking. It would keep his mind but it would never help the transformation.
“It’s almost time, Moony – are you ready? Do you want us to leave?” James asked softly as Remus groaned and shook off his robe.
“No – no...I’m as ready as I always am.” He shivered out, taking off his shirt and throwing it to the side before laying on his side as Sirius and James watching in sympathy as his body was wracked with pain again, even as he whispered. “Can’t believe this is the last one.”
“Only at Hogwarts, nothing would keep us away from the rest.” Sirius spoke with a gentle voice, laying a hand on Remus only be shook off as Remus let out a small sob.
“It’s going to be different though, isn’t it?”
“Maybe but it doesn’t change anything.” James added as he took a step back as Remus let out another groan, tears sliding down his cheeks. How he dealt with it every month no one would ever know? But he was brave and strong, and they would always be there.
The moon rose higher in the sky, its pale light filtering through the broken windows of the shack. Remus’ all but screamed, nails digging into the floor and eyes glowing golden, a sign for James and Sirius to change – the potion might work but it was never worth the risk.
Another scream rang around the shack only it dragged out into a howl as Remus was replaced by a panting wolf, eyes darting around around wildly before he spotted his friends and he seemed to calm.
With a playful growl and nip, Moony was bolting for the door with Prongs and Padfoot right behind him, paws and hooves thudding against the ground. They ran to the forest, tongues hanging out and barking following them.
It was easy to play as animals, fighting and snarling before they would run again and Moony would howl at the moon. It might have been different if Marlene was with them, but they had asked for a boys night only and the lioness had agreed with a knowing smirk, still maybe when they were on the outside she could join. Help put the fear in anyone who came across them.
Eventually they tired, heading back to the shack as the moon began to set, curling up on themselves within distance of each other but with their own space, Padfoot and Prongs waiting until Remus was no longer a snoring wolf but a slightly pained eighteen year old.
James and Sirius changed then, stretching out their limbs, for a moment, none of them spoke. They simply lay there, staring up at the cracked ceiling of the shack, listening to the sounds of the forest waking up around them.
“I’m going to miss this.” Sirius whispered in the air around them.
“Me too.” Remus croaked back, trying to sit up with a wince. Madam Pomfrey would be along soon and the boys would have to hide away but he could try and enjoy these last few moments.
James nodded his head even thought they couldn’t see him. “It doesn’t matter where we go or what happens, we’ll always have this.”
...
Remus
The Whomping Willow had offered safety for Remus for as long as he had been at Hogwarts, only twice had it failed to do so and neither times was that his fault. Hogwarts had been his home, his safety and had given him a freedom he had never known.
His parents, though he loved them, had never understood who he was or what he lived with. Eager to hide him away in the name of protection, they would do it once he got home too. Force him to keep his head down, let his friends deal with the war while he hid away because they were scared of who might come knocking for him again.
He would leave if he could, take the weight of what he was off their shoulders, go live with the Potters if he thought it wasn’t a burden to them. He would join the Order if he wasn’t worried about what they might ask of him, scared of the world waiting for him.
Despite his fear, Remus knew he had a part to play. So he would join, and he would fight, against Voldemort, against his parents need to hide. He would stand by his friends and hope they made it through this. He wouldn’t shrink as the world looked at him with fear, just another werewolf, a creature to be feared and reviled.
It had been lucky that he had been able to join Hogwarts, and despite the anger and disrespect he felt towards Dumbledore, he couldn’t help but be thankful for that if not anything else.
It had given him his friends, and it had given him Edith.
His girlfriend, who knew his secret and liked him regardless. She was like a saving grace, a bright light in his darkening life and though they might not last forever, he was grateful for her and interested in seeing where their life would go once they left. If they could withstand everything and be happy. He hoped they could.
His friends...he wasn’t so sure about. James and Lily, sure, they were made for each other, loyal and loving. James was the glue that seemed to hold them all together, and he was a great friend and Lily...she was so kind. Without her he would still have the wolf in his mind every month, she had done what she needed to do, with urging and money, though that was Remus’ guess, from Hermione, but she had done it for him. They did stuff for him because they were kind and he loved them for it.
He hoped the rest could find something, Marlene was close but Regulus was on the wrong side, and Remus worried how she would be able to live when she would have to fight him, because they all knew it was coming someday. Though she would be strong enough to do, inside she would tear herself apart.
Sirius and Hermione had been close too before they pulled themselves apart, tainted by secrets, distrust. and the war, hardened and different from how they once were. But they were good people. Sirius had a good heart, and Remus believed in that heart, even when it was clouded by anger and pain. And Hermione…
Hermione was strong and brave in a way Remus had never known, but she was clouded and she would do things in the name of keeping them all safe. Even if...even if it meant she didn’t survive this war and Remus wasn’t sure she even wanted to. It hurt him to admit but it was a truth he had to face, and he would do his best to make sure she did.
As he sat there, watching the sun dip lower in the sky, Remus took a deep breath. Hogwarts had given him so much - a home, friends, a sense of belonging. But now it was time to leave, to take on the responsibilities that awaited him in the real world. He wasn’t sure if he was ready, but he would face it all the same. For his friends, for his family, for the world he wanted to protect. It was the only path he could take.
…
Thursday the 22nd of June 1978
They had had the same dormitory for seven years. Granted they hadn’t used it all that much in later years, sneaking into the boys for boyfriends or drinks, or for their company, but this room had been their own for seven years. Five beds and five girls, their things littered around and their beds claimed – it had been theirs.
Tomorrow it would be no ones until the next set of students joined. Maybe the new students would wonder about who slept in there before, what they did and who they were friends with, maybe they would find the little scratchings of names on the wall, hidden and faint but there, and then they would add their own, start a new tradition.
Now though, the residents of said dorm were sat about. Emmeline and Jenny had disappeared downstairs, leaving Hermione, Lily and Marlene in the room to spend their final night together.
Their trunks were nearly packed but a few things were still littered about. Hermione sat at the edge of her bed, her trunk open before her as she frowned down at it, seeming to try and make sense of something. Lily was organising her books into piles on her bed, the pile for donation small, and Marlene was laid on the floor with clothes around her and her trunk open.
“Can’t believe it’s our last night here – tomorrow there will be no more sharing rooms or waking up to Lily’s snoring.” Marlene sighed out, a small smile on her face.
“It’s not me who snores.” Lily teased back softly, picking up her pile of books and dropping them gently into her trunk. “It does feel weird though, like we are stepping out of a dream.”
“Yeah...though I’ve been ready to leave for so long, now it’s actually happening it’s hard to believe.” Hermione spoke with a gentle smile on her face.
“Says the girl who has been counting down the days.” Marlene scoffed with a small laugh. “I thought you would be jumping for joy by now.” She added as she picked up a shirt with a frown, turning it over in her hands before throwing it towards Lily. “This isn’t mine.”
“Why...half of those clothes aren’t yours!” Lily exclaimed as she moved forward to look over the piles while Marlene glared up at her.
“And I bet if I went through your things I’d find a few items that are not yours.” Marlene snapped back but there was a grin on her face as Hermione rolled her eyes and looked down at her own clothes, most were hers but there were a few things that she had borrowed from Lily and Marlene and never given back.
Lily and Marlene were the same, but none of them really cared. It was how it had always been, it would find its way back to each of them over time, and then the cycle would continue, hopefully until they were old and grey.
Lily grumbled under her breath before she reached for a worn book, flipping open it’s pages and smiling down at it. “Remember this?”
It was filled with memories and doodles, little things from over the years that had been kept and saved by Lily. It sent the girls on a spiral, talking about things that had happened years ago, things that had them getting stitches from laughing so hard and tears running down their faces.
A pure joy that they hadn’t experienced in such a long time and now of them seemed to want for it to stop so they kept it going even as the sun had settled and they were yawning as they spoke.
Hermione smiled, feeling content for the first time in a while despite what tomorrow might bring. “We’ve had some good times, haven’t we?”
“The best.” Lily said softly, her eyes misty as she looked at her friends. “I’m so glad I had you both.” Her arms reached out to bring them both into a hug, auburn hair tickling their cheeks as Hermione sniffed and Marlene tried to pull herself away.
“Alright – no tears, this is supposed to be a fun night, remember?” The golden haired girl called but there were tears on her cheeks.
Hermione nodded, launching back into an amusing story and flushing the sadness away from the all. As the night wore on, they fell into a comfortable silence, the music playing softly in the background as they finished packing. Sadness still remained though, all of them knowing that after tomorrow things would be different.
They would have each other but it would never be the same. Maybe better or maybe worse.
As they drifted off to sleep, the last night in their dormitory felt less like an ending and more like a promise. No matter where life took them, they would always have these memories, these moments of laughter and love, to hold on to. And that was more than enough.
...
Marlene
The Common Room was quiet, and for once Marlene enjoyed it. She had places to be and people to see before it get too late but she couldn’t bring herself to move, to think about something else other than what she thought.
Once upon a time she had thought she would leave Hogwarts, head home and make her family proud. That her parents would look at their only daughter with wide grins, happy with her and what she had accomplished but that had been a dream that crashed and burnt into nothing but dust when she grew up.
Five children, one daughter, and she could never impress them. She was made to be a good daughter, to marry and continue on the line with a respectable house. They might not be the purest of pure bloods nor as bigoted but they were stuck in their traditions and when Marlene had fought against it she had all but been kicked out, and the Potters had taken her in.
Now school was ending though, where was she supposed to go? The Potters already had so much going on, could they spare a room for her? She hoped they could until she managed to get some money and become an Auror, but she didn’t want to ask that of them.
If she could stay at Hogwarts then she would. It had been a home to her for so long, it had given her hope and it had given her Regulus.
Who she was leaving tomorrow. Summer might give them a chance to see each other but she wasn’t stupid, she knew he would be tasked with things, and she would be in the Order fighting against it. She would face who she loved the most, and who loved her for who she was and she would have to fight even if it hurt. He wouldn’t want it any other way.
Her friends...they would do what they had to do without any thought for anyone else. Hermione and her secrets would stay a secret because Marlene didn’t want to know, she trusted her best friend, she loved her and she would support her when the time came to confess.
Lily and Remus were going to be in danger with who they were, and Marlene would protect them. She could do that for the both of them considering how much they had done for her. They were her family, and she would make sure they were safe.
Sirius and James...they would join us in the Auror, but she worried about them.
Even if things were still rocky between her and Sirius, and by rocky she meant barely friends any more, there was still a part of her that didn’t want to see him hurt. Yet, his anger and the way he thought he was a victim made her feel like he was going to be as reckless on the outside as he was on the inside. He needed help – he needed to grow up.
And James, dear James, he had been the first boy who ever really saw her and stayed by her side. She owed him so much, and he deserved so much. Him and Lily deserved each other, they were perfect together and the world would fall apart if they split, Marlene was sure of it. He would be the one to keep his head on when they joined the Aurors.
The world outside Hogwarts was terrifying, but Marlene was ready to face it. She wasn’t the scared little girl her parents had dismissed all those years ago. She was stronger now, braver, and she would fight for the people she loved, no matter the cost.
As she looked out at the grounds one last time, Marlene took a deep breath. This place had given her so much, but it was time to leave. Time to take on the world and everything that came with it. She was scared, yes, but she was also ready. Ready to fight, ready to protect, ready to make sure that when all of this was over, there would still be something left to fight for.
…
“…I don’t know what will happen after this, Reg.” Sirius’ voice rang out across the Astronomy Tower as Marlene stood at the door watching them both, hidden from view and waiting. He sounded gentle and calm despite the frown on his face. “But I want you to know…I’m sorry for all the shit I cause and I’m sorry if I’ve made things worse – and uh...I hope one day you can forgive me.”
“Sirius -”
“It doesn’t have to be now.” Sirius spoke, cutting him off. “You’ve always done what you thought was right, and I might not agree with all of it or be the best big brother there is but I want you to know that I’m proud of you.” His voice cracked. “And whatever happens after today, I need you to know that I am still your brother and I will always be there when you need me.”
“I know...and it’s the same for me.” Regulus whispered back, his own voice cracking as Marlene blinked away tears.
At least Sirius was capable of apologising to one of the people he hurt without it sounding like he was doing it through clenched teeth or Remus was forcing him.
“You deserve more than what they have done to you, and I need...I need you to take care of yourself – to keep yourself safe.” Sirius hissed out, grabbing Regulus by the shoulders and pulling him close into a hug as though it was the last time they would see each other.
A soft sigh left her mouth as she watched the brothers, before Sirius was stepping back – grey eyes finding her almost immediately and mouth turning into a thin line as Regulus wiped the tears from his cheeks and sniffled.
Sirius took a step closer to her, gulping slightly as he offered a nervous smile. “I know you probably don’t want to hear it...but I am sorry.”
“You’re right, I don’t want to hear it.” Marlene snapped back, almost feeling guilty as he winced and moved to step around her, her hand reaching out to stop him before he could walk away. “You want to apologise and think that makes everything fine, alright – but words are empty if actions don’t match up, so prove to me that you’re sorry and we’ll go from there.” It was all she could offer at the moment but Sirius took it with a smile.
“Alright.”
She watched him go, listening to the soft sounds of his footsteps and the doors closing behind him before she turned back to Regulus, her eyes strangely misty and her bottom lip trembling.
Regulus opened his arms for her, as he always did when they were alone, and she stepped into them willingly, tucking herself under his chin and wrapping her arms around him as tight as she could, trying not to take notice of the thinness of his frame or the way his shoulder slumped.
The tears she desperately tried to hold back fell down her cheeks and into his clothing, a breathy whimper leaving her as she clung onto him tighter as he did the same, the top of her head soaking up his own tears.
“Mar...shush...it’s alright...it’s going to be alright.”
“It’s not.” Marlene whimpered out as she pulled away just enough to see his face, hands gripping his cloak. “How...how are we supposed to do this now?” She asked, her heart breaking in the process as he looked at her with such hurt.
“Are you breaking up with me?” He asked, trying for humour it seemed as her mouth fell open aghast.
“No!” Marlene shouted, louder than she should have. “Never, but I...how am I supposed to get on with my day if I know I’m not going to see you? How many times do you think we will be able to sneak around out there without getting caught?” She whispered out, rubbing the tears under her eyes as he smiled at her sadly.
“We’ll figure it out – you can steal Potter’s cloak and come to Hogsmeade or I’ll come to you...but we’ll figure it out.” He whispered back as he tucked hair behind her ear.
“I love you.” She muttered back, wrapping her arms around his waist once more.
“I love you too.”
“I’ll come and see you, it will be safer that way and when you’re at home during the holidays we’ll meet somewhere, and then when this war is over we’ll really be together.” She mumbled into his neck but he nodded his head as though he had understood everything she had said.
His long fingers tucked under her chin, pulling her up so she could see his face and then his lips were on hers, urgent and passionate. It seemed to voice everything, every worry and pain, every piece of hurt and every inch of their love, and if they could they would take it further, but it wasn’t the time for that tonight. This was about saying goodbye in some way or another.
...
Sirius
The halls were silent, no a sound to be made except Sirius’ feet as he walked and let his thoughts drift away. Leaving Hogwarts was like walking away from the only true home he had ever known. The castle had been a sanctuary, a place where he was free from the cold, dark grip of Grimmauld Place. Here, he had found warmth, friendship, and a sense of belonging that he had never experienced in the house of Black. He didn’t want to leave or grow up, he wanted to stay here forever, safe and with the people he loved. But he knew that wasn’t possible.
People had to grow up someday, he just didn’t think it would be tomorrow. Then again he had never thought he would be kicked out of his home and tortured by his family but that was just another day in the Black house it seemed.
Yet, Regulus stayed there. Stayed in his parents and Voldemort’s pocket, and he had convinced himself that it was because of Sirius, but it had filled Sirius with guilt and the knowledge that he would never be able to save his younger brother from his chosen life.
He would never be able to save Marlene from the choices she had made though he had warned her time and time again. Despite the fact that she had given Regulus a hope to hold onto, and herself a kindness, they had put themselves in a dangerous situation that terrified Sirius. Loving Regulus was like playing with fire, and Sirius was terrified that they would both get burned, and loving Marlene, would get them both killed.
Or Sirius would get them both killed with his need to open his mouth and ruin things for everyone. Even if he thought he was doing the right thing – even if he wanted to do the right thing.
Sirius would always try though, to do the right thing and to save his friends. He would do his best to protect them even if they would rather he never showed his face again. Especially those who need it...like Lily. She may be James’ girl but she could never have too many people looking out for her and making sure she was safe, and he would do that for her like a brother would to a sister.
Like James offered Hermione. His brother in all but blood, they fought but at the end of the day they loved each other, and there was a rift between them that was called Hermione. They would always stand on opposites in this, and yet Sirius would never blame James, he admired it, respected it even when it hurt him. And despite it all they would join the Aurors together and everything would be better, the darkness leaving and the war coming to an end.
Remus would help them because Remus was good. He forgave and forget, and he pulled them all together, didn’t let them get them get too lost in his head. Sirius owed him a lot, wanted to offer him safety. Maybe he would ask him to move into his spare bedroom, neither would be alone then and then James could come over whenever he wanted and it would be like their own little Gryffindor Tower – though a small flat in outer London that wasn’t too expensive and might not be in the best area.
Remus deserved better but it would help. Though there would have to be rules because Sirius wasn’t sure how comfortable he would feel with Edith coming over.
The Potters would be sad, but he owed them this. They had done so much for him and showed him what a true family was, so he wouldn’t let them be burdened by him any more. Nor would he have to live under the same roof as his ex.
An ex who was more and more confusing with every passing day. He still felt anger and betrayal, but it was guilt that flooded his more whenever he saw her. Beautiful as the first day he ever remembered seeing her, capable of smiling despite the pain so many, including himself, had inflicted on her but then she turned those eyes onto him.
Cold and void of emotion. She looked at him like he was nothing more than a person she knew in passing and not someone she had confessed her love to. She looked at him like he was nothing more than an ex she didn’t want to speak to.
He might have an idea of how to earn Marlene’s forgiveness but he had no idea how to get the forgiveness of Hermione, and time was passing by too fast and too soon they would be out of each others lives.
Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair as he stared down the corridors. Leaving Hogwarts felt like the end of an era, the end of everything he had known and loved. But it was also the beginning of something new. Something terrifying and uncertain, but something he had to face. He just wished he didn’t have to do it alone.
…
Friday the 23rd of June 1978
The Great Hall seemed to be in some kind of whispered silence, newer students were talking about their next year, older ones were talking to their friends with what felt like forced laughter and nervous eyes. Their last breakfast was laid before them, one last feast before they were hurried on the train home and gone from this place for good.
They had said goodbye to their dorms, their common room and tower. They had dropped off their trunks by the door with their animals and then had sat down together like they always had done.
One could almost pretend it was a normal day, dig into the foods before them and pretend nothing was going to change but it seemed almost impossible. The food didn’t look as good as it once did and the whole room felt too different.
James, though, as always was one of the first to break the silence, cracking a joke that they had all heard a million times but it was enough to send them all it fits of laughter as though it was the funniest thing in the world. It seemed to open the door for them all, reaching for foods and drinks with renewed energy and smiles, like the world wasn’t about to fall apart for them.
Sirius spoke next, trademark grin stretched across his face and eye flashing as he retold the tale of the great prank on Slytherin, which had Marlene surprisingly laughing and telling her own favourite Marauder prank, which had everyone laughing again, even Remus, usually calmer and happier to just put in his one witty remark was eager to tell his own story.
Lily giggled as she leaned into James’ side, his arm going around her shoulders automatically. Emerald green eyes watched her friends, responsibilities and worries fading in the background, even as she caught Hermione’s eye across the table and they shared a knowing look that this was the last time it would ever be like this.
It made Hermione want to cry, but she forced herself to smile, forced herself to think of things other than planning and calculating that needed to be done once they left. Instead she forced herself to laugh at Sirius’ antics and James’ stories. Tried to left herself soak in the warmth of those around her, to let herself have this one last moment.
For it was easier to think about pranks, Quidditch matches, late night adventures, getting into trouble and breaking the rules – of narrowly avoiding expulsion.
It was easier to pretend that when Dumbledore gave a speech that there weren’t double meanings in his words and that his eyes didn’t flicker to them. Because if they thought of anything else then they would all break down and never want to leave – it would all be too much and they weren’t sure they could deal with that just yet.
Though it did come to an end, their smiles fading and their bodies slumping. Food remained on their plates as they looked at each other, still sat as the rest of the school stood up and began heading towards the carriages for the train.
James sighed, a small smile on his face as he looked at them all. “Are we ready?”
The answer was obvious and they all knew it but none of them could voice it. Hermione sighed, standing up from her seat and giving a nervous smile. “We have to be.”