First Last
Thursday the 1st of September 1977
“This is the last first feast we’ll ever have.” James sighed, quite pathetically in Hermione’s opinion though she wouldn’t ever say that, as he looked down at his plate filled with all his favourites and let out a sigh.
Though she couldn’t fault his logic, and she could sympathize with how he and probably many others felt, she had also spent the last two days listening to how this was the last time they would do this. ‘This is the last we’ll pack for school…’ ‘The last time we’ll go shopping for supplies…’ ‘The last time we’ll take the train there…’
Hermione loved her brother, she really did, but she didn’t share the same sadness about going into her last year and leaving Hogwarts. It was sad really, but time here had been tainted and it didn’t feel like the home she once thought it was. It felt like going to Grandma’s house, there were sweets and drinks, and shit ton of cousins, and for a while it was fun but then it get boring and you wanted nothing more than to go home and be in your own space.
Hermione craved the outside world, her own life and to be free, or as free as she could be with a war going on outside. It felt like she almost shouldn’t be here, in her last year, but instead running around outside the walls doing something else, though she wasn’t actually sure what because when she thought about it too hard all she could see was a tent in the middle of the woods.
Maybe she should go camping.
“Jamie, you do realise there might be times you will be allowed to come back?” Hermione asked as she pushed around the food on her plate, her brother frowning at her but there was a slightly hopeful look in his eye. “Like if become a teacher, or some Ministry Official – or if your kid gets put into the Triwizard tournament.”
James frowned, his forking stopping half way to his mouth, potato slipping off and landing on his plate with a wet slap. “Why would my kid be in the Triwizard tournament?” He asked as Hermione shrugged her shoulders, but she could almost see it, the golden cup and a boy who looked like James, so worried – it was meant to be a joke but it suddenly felt so real. “Honestly, Mi’.”
“I think that would be cool – like imagine some specky little shit fighting or something.” Sirius commented with an awed smile, shoving food in his mouth and talking around it. “He would be the most loved nerd.”
“Close your mouth.” Lily spoke with disgust as James frowned.
“One; we have no idea if he will have glasses but if he does he will be as handsome as me and two; why would he be a nerd?” Her brother asked, waving his fork in the air and cringing as the food went flying down the table before he turned back to Sirius as some girl squealed loudly.
“Have you met you?”
“This is not where I pictured the conversation going.” Hermione mumbled to herself, taking in a deep breath as Sirius gave her a quick smile and a small pat on the knee.
Things weren’t awkward, per se, but they weren’t exactly back to normal. It was almost like they were pretending they were and just ignoring the tension, Sirius hadn’t asked any more questions – and he hadn’t even brought up what he said before and Hermione lived in what felt like a constant state of guilt and the inability to open her mouth and tell him anything.
She had tried over the past few days, but she couldn’t quite manage it, her throat closing and her brain flashing like a bright red sign and telling her to back off. So she did, and now her head and heart seemed to be pulling in different directions.
“At least he isn’t moping now.” Sirius spoke to her, a small grin on his face as he rested his hand on her thigh again. He didn’t seem too upset about everything, not like her.
“I wasn’t moping-”
“So Evans, is it true?” James’ mouth snapped shut as the group turned to look at Emmeline Vance as she gestured for some third year to move from beside Marlene, Jenny followed behind her, the pair with matching grins while Marlene’s face scrunched up in disgust.
Lily stared at the two, her mouth open and her eyebrows meeting together, her fingers brushing over her Headgirl badge. “Is what true?”
“Not that, obviously.” Emmeline spoke, rolling her eyes and waving her hand in the air. “Though I will say it is funny that our new Heads are the latest rumoured couple of Hogwarts.” She spoke with a glinting in her blue eyes as she leaned forward and turned to look at Hermione and Sirius. “Looks like the pair of you are old news, Potter.”
“Oh no, what a shame.” Hermione all but cried, pressing one hand to her chest and using her other to grip Sirius’ arm, her eyes wide and her voice shaking. “No one cares about our relationship any more, what will we do?” Sirius face twisted in amusement, his eyes sparkling and his hand drifting further up her leg.
“It’s devastating – truly devastating that we will now be able to walk around school without everyone watching us, how ever will we cope?” He gasped out before dropping his head into his free hand and letting out a sob before grinning.
Emmeline stared at the both for a second as they laughed, face pinched and eyes rolling into the back of her head, before turning to Lily. “So is it true – are you dating Potter?” Her perfect nails tapped on the table as she leaned forward, all but pushing herself Marlene who grimaced and leaned away, so eager for gossip.
“Which one?” Lily asked dryly as she looked back down to her food.
“Don’t be disgusting.” Jenny snapped out before she mimed vomiting and a snide laugh left her mouth, one that was closed quickly as she received nothing but frowns and glaring eyes, even from her best friend sat beside her, shaking her head and looking embarrassed.
“Nothing disgusting about going out with either of them – people love who they love.” Lily spoke and Hermione shifted her eyes away as Emmeline cast a quick look to the woman beside her who didn’t seem bothered in the slightest, fingers tapping on the edge of the table and body more leaning into Remus as she tried to get away from Emmeline.
“Of course, but considering the show they just put on for us and the fact that Sirius’ hand is half up her skirt, I doubt it’s that Potter that has you turning redder than your hair.” Emmeline whispered across the table like it was some kind of joke, a smirking playing at her lips as Hermione pushed Sirius’ hand to her knee as James opened his mouth.
“He has what where now?”
“I’m good with sharing.” Lily’s deadpanned voice cut across the table, her head nodding to Remus who stopped James from flying across the table and tackling Sirius to the ground.
“Careful, I bet McKinnon will try and take you up on that offer, since no one else has ever been interested in her.” Jenny smirked as she spoke while Marlene narrowed her eyes, Jenny grinned as she leaned onto the table in a much less elegant fashion than Emmeline. “Though in all honesty I wouldn’t say no to a turn myself, if you don’t mind.” She added, sending a wink to James who winced before looking back to Lily.
“Unlucky for you, I do mind.” Lily spoke calmly but her eyes were burning as Jenny raised her eyebrows and gave a wicked grin.
“I knew it – you are going out!”
Hermione rolled her eyes and leant onto the table so she could glare at the girls. “Jenny, I’m going to say this in nicest way I can – take your gossip elsewhere and leave us the fuck alone before I get really pissed off and put my shiny new Prefect status to use.” Her words were almost sugary sweet, but there was a bitter tang underneath that had the girl glaring at her.
“Fine.” She growled out as she stood up, sending a quick look to Emmeline who raised her eyebrows at the girl. “Are you coming?”
There was a moment where it seemed like Emmeline might decline, her mouth opening as she turned back around to look at the group before she seemed to sense she wasn’t entirely welcome before turning back to her best friend and standing up. “Sure.”
“Good fuck riddance.”
…
Friday the 2nd of September 1977
“I never thought a Potter would be the type to look at things that aren’t theirs.” Hermione stopped, her hand pulled back to her side from where it had been reaching for something from the desk, an interesting paper with a title that had pulled her in.
Her eyes almost rolled to the back of her head as she turned to look at the familiar portrait, a man with sharp features and black hair, the only resemblance they actually seemed to share, other than the cold look they both seemed they had when they looked at someone they didn’t quite like, which seemed more often than not these days.
“Phineas.” Hermione mumbled as she moved towards the portrait, staring up at the man as he frowned down at her.
“Are we moving away from our titles now?” He asked, a cold smile on his face and what looked like disappointment in his eyes. “I thought the Potters would have taught you some manners.” He added, rolling his eyes and settling into his frame.
“They taught me to respect those who deserve it, I guess you didn’t make it onto the list.” Hermione bit back, crossing her arms over her chest as she looked around with a sigh. The office was empty of the man who had called her here with such urgency, of the man she had been trying to avoid since the last year and hoped to avoid this year.
“I can imagine many people have.” Phineas spoke, almost with a cold teasing grin that had Hermione rolling her eyes. “Like the dear Headmaster – or perhaps the half of your family you try to forget, like your boyfriend or your cousin, Bellatrix.” He was almost taunting her and Hermione couldn’t help the grimace that went across her face.
She hated the reminder and would rather live in blissful ignorance but it seemed everyone else was eager to remind her. Her mouth opened to say something, but closed before she mumbled out the only thing she could think of. “They’re not my cousins – especially her.”
“How quick you are to deny your blood, to pretend we don’t exist and that we are not the same as you.”
“I am nothing like the sycophants who follow a mass murderer, nor do I want anything to do with them.” Hermione all but snarled out as he looked at her, slightly amused it seemed, one sharp eyebrow quirked up and making the resemblance between him and her boyfriend so much more prominent.
Another reminder that she really didn’t need.
“As you’ve told me before many times over the years.” He spoke haughtily, her mouth opened to speak but he cut her off. “You Potter’s have always had the ability to believe yourselves better than most -”
“Yes, it’s the Potter’s with the egotistical gene running through our veins, and the need to rid the world of people because they aren’t like us and can’t fight back.” Hermione spoke with a sarcastic smile, eyes all but rolling into the back of her head as she tapped her foot and turned around to look for the Headmaster who was still absent.
“You cut me off before I could finish, girl.” He spoke with a snarl, make her look over her shoulder at him. “You believe yourselves to be better, good, and in some cases, like the ones today, I would be inclined to believe that you could be right.” There was a slight defeat to his voice, like it hurt him to admit it – like he wasn’t a memory of a person that had been painted, stuck in the moment he died.
“What -”
“I wasn’t alive when my granddaughter married into the Potter’s, a match that shouldn’t have even been an option considering they weren’t even a part of the Scared Twenty Eight, but then that squib was born and -”
“Marius – his name was Marius.” Hermione hissed, moving closer to the painting and glowering at the man. How carelessly he could throw those away that he deemed not worthy in his family.
Marius Black may had been burnt off the tapestry and removed from all pieces of family history that they could get their hands on but there were people around who still remembered him. Her grandparents, for example, Dorea in particular as it had been her brother and she had great disdain for making her displeasure known whenever he was brought up by Charlus or Hermione.
She also never spoke about what happened to him and Hermione had never been brave enough to ask her grandmother at the time nor Sirius or Regulus, who she doubted actually knew much past the basics. Some days she hoped he was out there, sullying the Black name further with Muggles and living his life the way he deserved but somehow it was hard to believe.
The Black’s weren’t known for letting slights go, hence the reason Sirius had been locked away for months and why Regulus had joined who he had.
Phineas’ face twisted with disdain, easier for him to accept blood traitors and distant relatives than a squib, but he continued speaking as though she had said nothing. “At that time things were up in the air with our family, and a rich and equally powerful family with good influence in the Wizarding World was exactly what our family needed – and Charlus seemed like the lesser of two evils, for my family of course.” He added with a small smirk and a nod of the head.
“Of course.”
“It didn’t work out in the end, even I can admit that their child was far too twisted and damaged – a man of pure evil who would bring shame to both his families.” He almost looked regretful as he spoke, his head bowed slightly and his eyes looking away from her as he shook his head.
Hermione clenched her jaw, eyes narrowing into dark slits. “It’s a shame you can’t admit the same for your other family members.”
“I can admit that perhaps their passion has become a bit twisted, and our goal has become something...tainted.” He spoke through clenched teeth and a tight jaw. “I may agree that we shouldn’t have to hide, that being of Pure blood puts us above everyone else, but I can say that Halfbreeds, Muggles and even Mudbloods may have some place in this world.” He added as she raised her eyebrows and scoffed.
“How noble and bigoted of you.” Hermione spat out as she looked back around the office while Phineas sighed and rested back into his painted chair.
“There are no favours in pretending that we are all equal, because we are not.” He spoke, almost softly, as If explaining it to a child. “Muggles would stand no chance against our magic, and the Mudbloods are ignorant for the first decade of their life – and spend their days trying to catch up to a world that is not naturally their own – and halfbloods spend their days trying to find a balance – only someone Pure completely understands our ways and traditions.”
Her teeth clenched as she looked away, his logic was faulted in a sense but she could see the reasoning behind it, even if it was backwards and frankly quite stupid. Stuck in a traditional mindset where nothing should ever change. Instead of fighting, she responded with something else. “What does this have to do with family?”
“I suppose nothing and everything, you are far too stubborn to have your mind changed now – and for once, I find myself hoping that that Potter blood that runs so thick in your veins and in your life, that it wins over the other half of you.” Again, he spoke softly, though this time there seemed to be an inch of pride working it’s way into his voice.
“I don’t -”
“You are intelligent, and powerful, and I believe you can fight whatever he has put you through.” Hermione blinked as he leaned forward to whisper the words to her, a stern expression on his face.
“Why does it matter to you?” Hermione whispered back as he smiled, almost gently at her – an expression that she had seen on only a handful of his descendants, and something that looked odd on his sharp face.
“You may not want to admit it, but we are family – and while our opinions may differ, I can respect that there are certain people in my family that hold enough courage and ambition to stick to their own beliefs, and that are willing to help their own.” He leaned back once more as she blinked at him, brain trying to catch up with whatever he was hinting at.
“Do you mean -”
“Ah Miss Potter.” Her words died as the door to the office opened and Dumbledore strolled in, all long robed and half moon spectacles, bright blue eyes and a kind grin that would fool anyone into thinking he was nothing more than a slightly eccentric grandfather. “So glad you could join me.”
“It would have been even better if you hadn’t have kept her waiting, Albus.” Phineas spoke with a tired tone as Hermione moved towards the Headmasters desk.
“I trust you kept her entertained, Phineas.”
“I do not seek to entertain those who would wish to soil my pure and noble house with there sacrilegious ways.” Phineas bit out, Hermione tried not to look at him as Dumbledore sighed, but it was hard. They had had a somewhat pleasant conversation and then he had to ruin it by being himself.
“Just wait until Sirius and I marry, and we adopt lots of Muggleborn children to carry on the Black name.” Hermione spoke sweetly as Phineas pursed his lips and looked her way, but there was a tinge of a smile around his eyes and she had to fight to keep her own away – he thought she was bluffing but it was a move she was willing to take. “Why am I here, Sir?”
Dumbledore blinked at her before he smiled, his wand waving towards the portrait as a pair of thick curtains fell over Phineas face, his eyes on Hermione as she frowned. “I would prefer to speak without his input.”
“I would like to know why I have been summoned here.”
Dumbledore chuckled, despite her slightly annoyed tone, like he could look right through everything else that had happened between them and just pretend it never happened or that her blatant lack of respect for him wasn’t a thick tension between them. Or perhaps he just didn’t care, or maybe couldn’t wrap his head around why someone wouldn’t respect him.
“You have been given the chance to fill in Miss Evan’s role as Prefect while she takes on Headgirl.” Dumbledore spoke softly as Hermione frowned and nodded her head.
"I am aware – as I was the one who received the badge with my letter." Hermione remarked as she pulled the badge from her pocket to show him, waving it around slightly before placing it back in her pocket.
"As I am aware that you were thinking of giving it to someone else.” He spoke softly, almost disappointed as he rested his hand on his desk, blue eyes twinkling knowingly. Hermione stared back, watching as something else flashed behind his eyes that had her frowning. “I must ask you not to.”
“Why?”
“I think a sense of responsibility will help you during this year and give you something else to focus on – something that doesn’t go against the very thing you told me you would stop looking for.” He gave her a pointed look, one that seemed to come with a slight prodding in her mind that had her tearing her gaze away. “I would hate to ask that of you again.”
“And I would hate to think that there might be limitations of what you can ask and put a person through.” Her hands slapped onto the desk before she pushed herself off and waved a hand towards her head. “If you are worried about the future then rest assured, it’s still trapped behind the wall you put in my head.” She snapped, gesturing once again as Dumbledore’s lips thinned.
“Let’s not pretend, Miss Potter, you are not stupid and neither am I.” He spoke sternly, shaking his head before he let out what sounded like a laugh, but cold in a way that made Hermione glare. “You have been pushing against that wall, despite what I warned you could happen.”
Hermione gritted her teeth, an anger circulating through her body and making her blood boil. Dumbledore was a gifted man, and respected by many people, that much was true – but he wasn’t some god who could decide what she could and couldn’t do, and she was done listening and being pushed around by someone who had the power to stop this war for good.
Yet, she still had to be careful with her words, pushing too much would only end up with her on the wrong side completely. “I’m sure you are aware by now, Sir, that I have always had a little problem with being told what I can and can’t do, especially when it concerns my own life.”
"Yes, your father had the same problem."
"Octans - "
"I was referring to Mr Fleamont Potter but I should have know any talk with Phineas would have brought up some emotion." Dumbledore spoke softly as though commenting on the rain that splashed the windows or the lightening that flashed through the clouds. “You know the risk of playing with unpredictable and dangerous magic -”
“And you know the risk of sitting behind a desk and twiddling your thumbs when you have the power to stop this war and to save people.” Her tone was sharp as he sucked in a breath and glared back at her.
“A girl not even eighteen would not have -”
“A girl not even eighteen had the answers to every problem, who could have stopped all of this if you weren’t so hell bent on playing games or trying to be the hero.” She didn’t yell or slam her hands down again, but instead levelled him with a cold look and revelled in the annoyance that flash behind his eyes.
“I did what I did to protect you, you know this - you were a minor at the time and a student under my care - that means by all rights I was able to make a choice for you." He explained as Hermione let out a bitter laugh and shook her head.
Dumbledore would always think he did the right thing, his greater good complex would never allow him to ever truly see the errors of his ways – to allow anyone else to be greater than himself. And one day it would all come crumbling down, or even get him killed.
“I was at home, what happened had nothing to do with you – or it didn’t until you pushed me over the edge and made my mother think there was only one solution to be done, and at your hand no less.” Hermione spoke, eyes rolling once more and arms crossing over her chest. “So excuse me if I am done listenin-”
“You are pushing against a door that should not be opened."
“No, I’m pushing against something that shouldn’t be there in the first place.”
The wall in her head ached, the scar on the right side of her forehead throbbing, a reminder of what had happened because of him, and a wave of what could only be some form of hatred flooding through her. If he knew that then he didn’t show it, simply content to sigh and look away, disappointment in his eyes.
She wondered if he could see what was in her mind, if he could feel the tension and anger there, her occlumency wasn’t the best, but an onslaught of feelings was sure to muddle the mind in a way that made it almost impossible to read.
"Do you know what happens to Wizards and Witches who can't control their magic? Do you remember what I said?" He spoke with a tone of tiredness as he looked back at her, leaning onto his desk once more. "The overflow of two different magiks is not the only danger there is, there is more to it than that – there is also the risk of becoming an obscurial.” He whispered as though saying the word louder was enough to bring it to life.
Hermione frowned, another itch in her head as she looked back at those bright blue eyes, now deepened by what could only be sorrow and regret. It was a shame she didn’t care to think about it more as she spoke, softer than before. “I am not a child with repressed magic - I would have learnt to handle it.”
"You would have died before given the chance, or perhaps hurt someone else." Again, there was a heavy regret, but this time it flooded into his words as he looked away from her again. “Something I am sure you could live without.”
“If I have to die to save the our world then that is a consequence that I will happily welcome.” It hurt to say but it was the truth, and one she had never admitted aloud, and one she had never thought she would admit to Dumbledore.
“And what of your family and your friends? Do you think they would be able to live that?” He asked, standing from his desk and moving around to stand before her, tall and imposing in a way that should have made her nervous.
“There are things in the world that are worth dying for – loved ones, a better world and perhaps a future without the threat of a murderer out, are just a few.” Her voice didn’t shake as she spoke and Dumbledore moved away, facing one of his shelves and looking at the many trinkets there. “You can pretend you did the right thing, if you’d like, but we both know locking my memories away was a bad move.”
“Yet they are memories of a future that likely no longer exist, why would you want to plague yourself with them?” He asked, almost curious as he turned back around to look at her. Hermione frowned, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to form an answer to his twisted logic. "Forgive me Miss Potter, I know it is hard and you are curious, but I believe you should be taking this time to focus on your last year and the future you will have.” There was almost a silent ‘thanks to me’ at the end of his sentence, one that made Hermione look away.
“Sir -”
“Hermione, live your life – be young and do what young people do...there is no need to rush and no need to worry about what happens outside these walls for now, you are safe here.” Dumbledore spoke as he moved back to his desk, offering her a tense smile.
“If you believe any of that then you are more deluded than I thought.” Hermione muttered under her breath as Dumbledore’s smile became more strained.
“Leave me to worry about that, and go let yourself enjoy what I imagine is a rather eventful party planned by your brother.” He spoke as though it was a joke between them. She pursed her lips and moved to turn towards the exit, only for him to speak again. “And while I know you will probably ignore most of what I have said, I ask, at the very least, you take some of it into consideration."
"Of course, Sir, thank you and have a pleasant evening."
...
The Common Room was in full party mode the moment she came through the entrance, popular music from the outside world blaring loudly as the people around sang along and danced like there was no tomorrow or like there wasn’t a war waging outside their walls. Because Merlin forbid that they had a quiet first weekend back instead of a party.
Though she couldn’t stop the soft smile that made it’s way to her first as she slipped past the students, nodding her head to those she knew and muttering hello’s, looking around for her friends and shaking her head to drinks.
A pair of toned arms, comforting and warm, slipped around her waist before she could take another step, allowing her enough space to turn in them so she could smile up at the man and place her hands on his chest as he leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her lips as a greeting, a slightly content smile on his face as he pulled back.
“Where’ve you been?” He asked gently, the rumble of his voice vibrating against her as she grimaced slightly.
“Dumbledore wanted to talk.” Hermione answered lowly, Sirius frowned, his mouth opening to ask questions, only to snap shut as she continued speaking. “He wanted to talk to me about being a Prefect – I think to make sure I didn’t give it up among other things that annoyed me.” His eyes narrowed and his head tilted to the side like he didn’t believe her.
“I didn’t know you were thinking about giving it up.” He spoke, hands loosening their hold slightly as he pulled back as though to get a better look at her.
“I’m not, I don’t even know where he got that idea – hey.” Hermione spoke, giving a grin to her brother as he appeared by their side, hazel eyes narrowing slightly at the position of the couple before he settled on giving Hermione a small smile.
“Hey, glad you could finally make it.” He spoke before he turned to look at Sirius. “Remus is a bit drunk, he’s gone upstairs to look for your good stuff so he can share it with the party.” His tone was casual as he pointed towards the stairs before bringing his bottle up to his lips and taking a sip while staring at his best friend.
Sirius frowned, his hands dropping from Hermione’s waist fully as he turned to look at James. “And you didn’t stop him?!”
“It’s not my alcohol, and far be it from me to stop him from trying to deal with whatever happened today.” James answered back as Sirius muttered something and moved towards the stairs, a silver eyed fury that couldn’t be stopped no matter how many people seemed to want his attention.
Hermione frowned as she turned back to her brother. “What happened today?”
“Far as I know it’s something to do with Edith – think he freaked out a bit after spending all summer only speaking to her through debating, opinionated words that now he’s seen her in person he’s freaked out about it.” James commented, waving his hands around his head before shrugging his shoulders and taking a sip of his drink again.
“So they had a fight?”
“I don’t think they even talked – he’s just been weird these past few months.”
“A lots happened – is she here?” Hermione asked as she looked around the common room, as though Edith would appear like she normally seemed too, all stormy eyes and cute little dimples, only to find nothing.
“I don’t think so.” James commented, before he gently took her arm and led her over to the boys stairs, leaning down slightly so he could whisper in her ear. “Anyway, what did Dumbles have to say?” He leaned away as her mouth opened and snapped shut as Sirius and Remus ran past them, laughing like children and not even noticing them.
A cup of mysterious looking liquid was placed into her hand, her eyebrow raising as James gave her a small smile as she nodded her head and led them further up the stairs, the pair of them moving to lean against opposite walls. The sounds of music and laughter not as loud in their ears, and the a privacy offered.
Unless anyone came up the stairs then they wouldn’t even be seen, and she doubted anyone would miss them too much.
“So?” James asked as Hermione sipped her drink and scrunched up her face in disgust – whoever had made it clearly had no sense of alcohol to pumpkin juice ratio. Her guess was that it had probably been Sirius.
“It was a load of waffle, but I think he was trying to tell me off for remembering things and looking for answers.” Hermione commented dryly, rolling her eyes as she rested her head back against the wall and looked down to the swirling liquid in her cup.
“Dick – not sure what he thinks he can get after everything.” James scoffed as he crossed his ankles and stared at her deeply before he frowned when she didn't say anything else, a look of disbelief crossing his face and his mouth falling open slightly as he struggled to get his question out like it was harder than he thought. "Why do you look like he’s right? You aren’t giving up are you?”
“What? No – of course not.”
“Then what’s the issue?”
“I can’t figure out his angle, he says he did this to save me but honestly it just seems like he did it because he couldn’t handle anyone else getting whatever glory he wants.” Hermione spoke, throwing one hand in the air and wincing when some of the liquid splashed onto the stairs.
“Well then he’s going to be very disappointed when not only you take his glory, but I do too.” James grinned as Hermione sent him a quick glare, she would do what she could to keep her brother safe but she wasn’t stupid in thinking he wouldn’t try to help her in anyway he could. “Did that sound a bit dirty to you?”
“Not really – though speaking of – “
“I’m not sure I want to hear where this is going.” James muttered to himself as Hermione rolled her eyes.
“Shut up.” She hissed, reaching forward to slap his leg before leaning back and letting out a sigh.“I spoke to Phineas Nigellus Black too.”
“Not sure what that has to do with ‘dirty’ but ok...what did he have to say?” James asked as he sat down on the stairs, leaning forward with a frown and crossed arms, his beer was nearly empty but the look in his eyes was as clear.
“A lot, though he did sound proud that I was a Potter – and I think he might know about Regulus or about something.” Hermione muttered, going silent as a couple climbed their way up the stairs, past them and out of sight – the siblings waiting until the sound of a door closing could be heard.
“What?” James hissed the moment he turned back around. “What do you mean?” He asked with wide eyes.
“He mentioned some things, and honestly in my haste to get out last year, I didn’t take the time to think about the portraits that were hung up and maybe listening to us.” Hermione spoke, teeth digging into her bottom lip as she cursed herself for being so oblivious.
She hadn’t thought to silence them, hadn’t even noticed them in their frames – maybe Regulus had done that, but she couldn’t be sure. Honestly, she was just lucky she wasn’t charged with breaking and entering, though it didn’t feel lucky when the reason she wasn’t was probably because the Black’s didn’t want people to know what they had put Sirius through.
And what Regulus might go through if Phineas did know and decided to tell the whole fucking family that the perfect heir had been the one to invite Potter’s into the house so they could rescue his brother.
Yet, he had had a whole year if that was the case, had all but admitted to Hermione that he respected those who made their own choices for what they believed was right. This whole thing was too fucking complicated.
A groan left her mouth as she thought of her error before another thought crossed her mind. “I have to tell Sirius.” Hermione muttered, moving to stand only for James to push her back down. “What -”
“The only person you have to tell is Regulus.” James commented, looking around as though Sirius might appear from somewhere. “And then maybe we can decide whether to tell Sirius or not, in an enclosed space, so he can’t go barging into places and demanding to know what they know and risk his brother.” He gave her a pointed look, one that she understood.
Sirius had the tendency to go straight to the source and shout, and if he thought Phineas had said anything about Regulus then there would be no stopping him from finding out – even if he blew what little cover his brother had.
One of the main reason she hadn’t said anything about her own secret.
“It’s his brother, Jamie, if it was you in this position -”
“That’s different, for one we would never be in that position because we don’t have fucking abusive Death Eaters sympathisers for parents.” James began, lips curling in disgust as he took another swig from his drink and Hermione winced, biologically she did. “I’m also not saying we shouldn’t tell him, just that maybe the person it really involves should know first and then they can decide or we can.”
Hermione frowned, taking a sip of her own drink. “Fine.” She all but hissed out, an unease settling in her stomach – she would tell Sirius, the moment Regulus knew, she would tell him. “I don’t know when I started listening to you.” She added with a glare.
“Since you realised I had a clearer and more level headed view of things.”
“And an inflated ego.”
Before James could react, his mouth opened and a stuttered sound left his mouth, there was the sound of feet slapping against the floor behind, causing the two to turn around and see who was coming down the stairs in such a rush.
Two young boys, barely a day over twelve with wide eager eyes, carefully styled hair and what looked like their best clothes though they were a bit out of fashion by Muggle standards, or Hermione had to assume based on her last trip into the Muggle world – it was hard to keep track considering how styles seemed to change every decade now, and the Wizarding World was at least twenty years behind for most.
Still the boys clearly had some Muggle experience, and Hermione couldn’t help the amused smile that made it’s way to her face as the two boys looked between them in confusion and concern.
"'Scuse me, you're in our way." One of the boys spoke, braver than his friend who looked at his with even wider eyes, the first boy just frowned and pushed out his chest, trying to look grown even if his squeaky voice and baby face were clearly that of a child.
His eyes turned onto her, glaring, as she let out a little laugh while James’ straightened himself up. "Oh yeah?" The boys looked back to James, who was casual and now playing with his empty bottle, a knowing smile on his face that gave Hermione the impression that he was having fun.
"Yeah, we wanna go to the party." The other boy piped up, hands resting on his hips as he took a tiny step closer to the edge of the step only for James to take a step and the boy to scramble backwards with wide eyes like he thought the older boy would hit him, his friend even rolled his eyes at the obvious display of fake confidence that faltered after only two seconds.
“How old are you?” James asked with a frown as he looked at them both.
The brave one straightened himself up again and tilted his chin at James. “What’s that got to do with you?” He asked, voice slipping into a high pitched cockney accent that Hermione had to admit would be quite adorable if the boy wasn’t squaring up against her brother.
“Well, nothing really – except this party is reserved for those in fifth year and up, now if you can prove to me that you are one of those then I will happily step aside.” James spoke, shrugging his shoulders and staring down at the child who frowned and quickly looked to his friend.
“And how do we do that?” His friend asked with wide eyed innocence that made Hermione smile softly, until he pulled out his wand. “We can do some spells – we know lots.”
“Ok.” Hermione stepped forward, gently pushing down his wand with the palm of her hand, her own wand within reach, not that she would use it on a child but more in case they tried to do some spell and things went haywire. “Let’s put that away, and let’s stop with all the teasing.” She sent a quick look to James who pouted slightly.
“Mi’…”
Ignoring him she turned back to the boys. “We know neither of you are old enough to come down here, you can pretend all you want but if we don’t stop you then someone else will, so I suggest you turn around and get back to your dormitory.”
“Who don’t you go fu-”
“Jamie, it’s fine.” Hermione hissed as she stood up to pull back her brother before he could do something stupid like go after a twelve year old who spoke like a normal cocky twelve year old would.
“Yeah, Jamie, maybe you should listen to your girlfriend." The first boy teased as he and his friend let out a chuckle while Hermione and James turned to look at each other in disgust. It wasn't the first time that people had assumed they were in some sort of relationship, it wasn't like they looked like siblings except the hair and some facial expressions, but each time it made her feel sick that to people they looked like that. Blood or not, they were siblings.
“I’m his sister.”
“And don’t call me Jamie, now get out of here.” James cried out disgusted, his face taking on a slight green tinge, the younger boys eyes widening in shock. "And if I even hear about you trying to come down again then you'll both be getting detentions for two weeks." The boys turned white as James pulled out his Headboy badge from his pocket, the metal catching light as he smirked and the pair watched the boys turn and stumble up the stairs.
"Really?" Hermione chuckled as she pointed to the badge, watching his smirk disappear as he pushed the badge back into his pocket. "If I recall you used to sneak down to parties at their age too." So had she but that was beside the point.
"Yeah but I had tact and a beautiful face, plus they never let me in anyway - that's the whole reason we started our own parties." James explained to her fondly. Hermione wanted to reassure him that he hadn't missed out on anything, the parties had been full of idiotic teenagers who let in any girl that flashed them a smile and batted their eyelashes but she doubted he would want to hear that.
“And the reason we are now sat on the stairs avoiding said party?”
“No reason, just not feeling it today – I’m sure though I’ll be fully ready to party by the time your eighteenth rolls around.” James spoke as he gave her a wide grin and reached over to shove her shoulder lightly.
“A shame it’s on a Monday then.” Hermione teased back, downing the rest of her drink and placing the cup on the stairs, hopefully someone would find it and clean it up, because they all knew the house-elves had given up even attempting to clean up after the House parties, leaving it to the students.
Hermione honestly thought it was fair, the house elves were paid and they did their jobs, and while she didn’t agree with their treatment in the general Wizarding World, she was just happy they had their jobs and enough pride to say no to certain things. Much like Poppy at home who had given up on trying to even clean her room, or Sirius, mainly because dealing with a Hermione freak out if someone touched her books was not worth it.
And it taught Hermione to do things herself, which she happily did.
“I guess we’ll have to celebrate with an early birthday weekend then.” James spoke as he looked back up the stairs with a slight frown.
“Fun.” Hermione remarked dryly before sighing and leaning back against the wall, her head turning to look at the bottom of the stairs with a grimace before she spoke. “So what do we do now?”
“I was going to go chill in my dorm, maybe make a plan for the Prefect’s schedule and perhaps even do a bit of research on some certain objects that need to be found.”
“Are you ok?”
“Shut up.” James laughed out, shaking his head as he moved up the stairs, Hermione following behind him with a look of concern. Her brother had never been the type to skip a party to do work, if there was music and drinking then he was down there getting sloppy and being the life of the party.
Now he was walking away, laughing before her and looking calmer than Hermione had ever seen him, not even drunk or tipsy, but simply sober.
...
There were several mistakes Hermione had made in her life, and ones she often kept repeating.
Falling asleep half sitting and half curled into her brother’s side was one of those mistakes, another one was waking up at the crack of dawn. It was almost like her body had been trained to do it, and something that she couldn’t get out of unless she stayed awake until like three or was so exhausted that her body couldn’t do anything but sleep until ten or eleven.
Or when she was wrapped in Sirius’ arms, though that often came when she stayed up late and they were exhausted for a completely different reason.
Something she wasn’t going to think about right now. Instead she sat herself up fully, ignoring the ache in her back and stretching out her arms and legs so they popped, loudly, back into place before she reached up to rub her neck and then move the heavy book that had been on her lap to beside her on the floor and wincing as James let out a loud snore.
“And sleeping beauty awakens.”
Hermione turned, blinking as she caught sight of Remus, tucked under his blankets, but sitting up and reading a book. There was a small smile on his face and something in his free hand that he was holding out towards her.
She reached out to take it, frowning at the glossy square picture in her hand, that changed into a smile as she caught sight of herself and James, both of them fast asleep, her head on his shoulder and his glasses slowly sliding down his nose, and a mess of books and parchment opened around them – lucky she had put the most crucial things away long before they fell asleep.
“You have enough photos...do you really need to start taking creepy ones of your friends while they sleep?” Hermione teased with a playful glare that had Remus snorting slightly as she gestured to the wall of photos, he held hand back out as she grinned. “No, I think I’m going to keep this one, creep.”
"Don't give up on your hobbies 'Mi and I won't give up on mine." Remus joked lightly as she moved from James’ bed, careful not to wake him to sit at the end of Remus’ instead, facing him with her legs stretched out beside him, almost top and tail like. "Where did you two go last night?”
Hermione yawned, waving her hand in front of her face, as Remus looked at her sternly, light green eyes almost cautious in a way she hadn’t seen since summer. “James had the great idea to start doing Headboy duties which led to research, I think it was defiance in the face of mine and Dumbledore’s little talk.”
“I’ll come back to that later…” He spoke with wide eyes, looking around the room but mainly towards Sirius’ bed who was passed out on his back and snoring loudly. “So, did you find anything?”
“Nothing we didn’t already know.” Hermione whispered as she followed his gaze towards Sirius. She wished she could just crawl into bed with him, wrap herself up in his blankets and arms and just go back to sleep so she wouldn’t have to worry about who might hear their conversation or what she might have to do. “Though I was thinking that you should be the one to talk to Helena...if you wanted.”
“Why is that?” Remus asked with a frown before something else settled on his face and his book was slamming shut far louder than she wanted it to. “Is this something to do with Edith?”
Hermione blinked as she took him in, red cheeked and worried eyes, before she gave him a smirk and crossed her arms over her chest. “Not at all – though please tell me why you got so defensive right now.”
Remus frowned at her. “I didn’t.”
“I think you did.”
“Hermione -”
“Fine, if you don’t want to admit it then don’t.” She sighed out dramatically, Remus opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off. She wasn’t willing to fight with him about this, not yet anyway. “And I just think Helena would respond better to you.”
“Why? Because I like books and have friends in Ravenclaw.” He sent her another glare as she laughed softly, shaking her head.
“No, but whatever floats your broom.” He glared at her again as she laughed slightly harder and more nervously. “You’re the one who just mentioned her, I tried to move on – so talk about her if you want to talk about her but don’t look at me like I’m the one who brought her up again.” Her hands raised in defence as he pouted slightly.
After the whole situation with Mandy, Remus was more sensitive than ever with girls. Hermione had watched him all but run from the ones who batted their eyes, bowed his head when someone gave him an interested look and grimaced and turned people down politely when they came onto him. It was like he had cut himself off with every girl.
Except Edith.
Somehow the slightly cold and sarcastic woman had wormed her way into his life with a few unpopular opinions about werewolves, despite not knowing what Remus was. She had been open, and honest, and it seemed like a good thing for him – to have someone who was a bit more outside their friend group that he could speak to.
Granted she had slept with Sirius and was on friendly terms with James and Marlene, but it was good for Remus to have a friend that was more for himself, and Hermione wasn’t about to shit all over that.
“What’s up?” She asked instead. He sighed and leaned his head back against his headboard.
“Nothing.” Remus muttered before wincing. “I just...we spent all summer talking about loads of things, like friends would, but now we’re back and I feel like I don’t know how to talk to her face to face...I mean it’s just easier quill to parchment, you know.” He looked at her so earnestly, almost pleading with her to understand.
And she wanted to, she really did, but the truth was that she didn’t. Hermione had never really had friends outside of their little group, apart from Zach who she hadn’t spoken to in months and the letters they sent were always on the edge of friends and ex’s, a careful balance. And the other friends she had, like maybe Benjy, weren’t the people she sent letters to but saw in random places and spoke to then.
Hermione wracked her brain for something to say, anything to get the mildly panicked look off of Remus’ face, so instead she settled for moving to actually sit beside him and rest her head on his shoulder. “Then send her a letter explaining that – or just try and talk to her about simple and boring things, like lessons and homework.”
“It’s not that...let’s just say some of things we spoke about were a bit more personal and that’s what makes it difficult.”
Hermione lifted her head and frowned, a panic flooding through her. “You didn’t tell her about you, did you?” It wasn’t her business nor her worry if he did, but she did worry because one wrong person could blow everything and put him in danger.
Remus looked at her slightly amused. “You think I somehow manage to get a new friend, the first one since I was eleven and you lot forced your way into my life, and I’m going to risk that by telling her what I am?” His voice was even more amused as she frowned at him and leaned back against the headboard.
“Friends share personal things, and yeah it’s easier when you don’t have to face them, but we have most of our classes with her so you are going to have to face her eventually and then it’s just going to be awkward – so rip off the plaster and go make up with your friend.” Hermione spoke as Remus glared down at her, but she raised her eyebrows. “Are you a Gryffindor or not?” She added as he rolled his eyes.
“It’s not -”
“Morning – why are you in Remus’ bed, Kitten?” Hermione gave Remus a sympathetic smile as his mouth snapped shut, letting him know they would talk about it later before she looked back to Sirius who was glaring at them both. “I mean, I go to sleep and you’re passed out with James, and I wake up and your all cuddled up to Remus.” He was pouting and frowning like a baby as Hermione rolled her eyes as she stood up.
“One; James is my brother so you have nothing to worry about there.” She scrunched her face in disgust, as did Sirius. “Two; Remus and I were talking about his girl problems.” Remus hummed in agreement as Sirius narrowed his eyes as she gave him a wide grin. “And three; morning!” She all but shouted as she jumped onto him.
He huffed out a breath, but his arms still wrapped around her waist, keeping her there as she grinned down at him. “You can talk to him from a different bed or the floor – or better yet you can just stay in here with me forever.” Hermione let out a laugh as he rolled her so she was half trapped under him and the blanket.
“That doesn’t sound very productive.” Hermione muttered as she looked up into those silver eyes, feeling as though the rest of the room just drifted away, a part of her trying to remember that they weren’t alone and that Sirius wasn’t as decently dressed as she thought he was.
“I can think of many productive things we can do.” Sirius didn’t seem to care though as he leaned down to kiss her, somewhere between passionate and soft in a way that just made her melt and somehow try to pull him even closer, her hands tangling in his hair. Like the awkwardness that had been there before was gone.
“Pads – mate – this is a shared space.” Remus’ distant voice floated through the air, and once she might have pulled back and blushed but Sirius was far too skilled to want to pull away, one hand moved from her waist though to no doubt throw a rude symbol at their friend, laughter following but Hermione didn’t care.
“What’s he doing?” A muffled voice spoke with the ruffling of clothes and books clattering to the floor in a way that made Hermione wince and pull back slightly. “Oh for fucks sake – at least close the fucking curtains or stop trying to defile my sister!” James’ voice cried as Sirius chuckled against her and Hermione felt her own laugh bubble over.
Perhaps these were the moments Dumbledore had wanted her to focus on, where the thoughts of the war and future were distant and barely there and instead she could lay in her boyfriends bed laughing as James hurled insults and complaints, and Sirius made snide remarks and Remus tried his best to not get into the middle. The moments where they were altogether and happy.
The moments that would probably be nothing more than a memory and a wish in a few months.