Effects
August 1977
Sirius had had dreams all throughout his life, some small and some larger than life. When he was younger, it was a dream of trying to understand the Muggles his family hated so much, it was finding a family he fit in with - being somewhere like the Potter's where running free and speaking on differing opinions was considered normal, where they laughed and loved each other, even those who weren't actually theirs.
When he entered Hogwarts, it was the dream of getting away from his family and wishing for the day that he would be able to permanently escape. It was listening to the whispers of war and joining Fleamont Potter as an Auror before the man retired, it was watching a pretty girl with a tainted smile and wanting her to be his but knowing he would never be good enough. Some of these dreams came true, some of them were on their way and would be in his grasp within a few months.
Yet at this moment nothing could beat riding down an open road in some Muggle town, an experience he had wanted for so long and now he finally had. It was like being on a broom, though with wheels and stuck on the ground - well it wasn't but he wasn't about to scare James with that just yet, not when the pair of them had been having the time of their lives, zooming through traffic and laughing as Sirius got more and more daring with every turn.
Though he couldn't lie and say he wished it wasn't his best friend sat behind him but a girl with wild curls, pale skin and beautiful brown eyes. She would hold him tighter than her brother did, pressed against his back and chuckling in his ear, dressed in a leather jacket and a helmet to keep her pretty head safe. They would stop some place in the country with a picnic, and make a date out of it and then they would ride again back home or somewhere else. Filled with the rush of adrenaline and a freedom that came from the wind whipping around their face.
"Sirius!" James shouted in his ear, making him flinch and straighten the bike only to swerve out of the way as a flash of light flew by his ear.
"What the fuck was that?" Sirius shouted back, glancing over his shoulder and seeing nothing but another flash of light aimed their way. James had his wand in his hand and was tightly holding onto Sirius with the other.
"Fuck! Death Eaters!" James shouted, throwing a spell over his shoulder as Sirius pushed the bike to go faster, leaning forward and doing his best to avoid the cars, people were probably staring and he knew that but there was no time to try and explain when they were being chased with spells shot their way. What had they even done to provoke anything? How had they even known they were here?
Before he could ask James or even saying anything, loud alarms sounded from behind them, one of those Muggle cars with flashing lights chasing behind them and three Death Eaters on their brooms behind them. Hadn't they seen anything or did they just think the two teenagers were causing chaos in their town. James gave a wide eyed look, glasses slipping down his nose slightly and wand still gripped tightly in his hand, just as one word slipped from Sirius' mouth. "Fuck."
"Pads, watch out!" He screamed, Sirius turned his head around, the road forking and a slow car taking a left turn and leaving Sirius with no option to take a sharp turn to the right, the bike almost to the floor and their legs within an inch of getting scraped.
A sigh left his mouth as he straightened the bike, only to see the deadend, another swear leaving his mouth as he swerved and pulled the bike to a stop. An impressive feat that he would have grinned at if the police weren't pulling up and blocking their exit, two police inside and watching them with narrowed eyes.
"What the fuck do we do?" James hissed beside him, still sat on the bike as Sirius shook his head.
"No fucking idea."
The men climbed out of their car, funny hats on their heads, hands on their hips as they stepped forward. "In a rush somewhere this evening, boys?" One of the men asked as Sirius let out a nervous chuckle, eyes flickering to the end of the road, his mouth opening in an attempt to try and explain only for the man to narrow his eyes and step closer. "Something funny, boy?" He all but hissed out, stepping closer once again.
His mouth opened to defend himself when he saw them. Three cloaked figures on their brooms heading towards them and seeming not to care about the Muggles. Sirius didn't doubt that they would want the Muggles out of the way so they could get what they actually came here for. James seemed to think the same thing too as he raised his wand.
"Lift the car." He muttered to Sirius as the brooms began to pick up speed, waving his wand as Sirius eagerly copied and the Muggles frowned, mouths open and turning around rapidly as their car lifted into the air, the three Death Eaters colliding with the metal and to the ground with a thud.
"What -" The other man called, as Sirius put away his wand and reeved his engine.
"Pads, how are we - shouldn't we wait for the Aurors?" James hissed in his ear as the two Muggles stepped forward again, brandishing metal cuffs, like the ones bad guys were forced to wear when they were arrested in those movies Lily showed them. "Nevermind - fuck how do we get out of this?" He asked after a second.
“I wish I had more time to practice before I used this.” Sirius muttered to himself than James, before he grabbed his best mates arms and wrapped them tightly around him. "Hold on." He spoke louder this time, before he was speeding forward, towards the still floating car and groaning Death Eaters, his friend breathing heavily behind him, a million questions leaving his mouth that Sirius couldn't hear.
The button had been added as an idea, not even used nor was he sure that it would even work, but he didn't have time to second guess things now in the situation they were in and it would all have to be explained on the way home. So he tried not to overthink it, slapping his hand against the button and trying to now let his surprise show as the bike lifted into the air, as though being pulled by strings.
There were familiar popping sounds below them, hard to here over James' screaming but he didn't dare turn to look as he tried to remember the way they had gotten here.
…
Home was a beautiful slight.
The Potter Manor standing just as it always had been, large and proud, with its flourishing front garden. It made Sirius sigh in relief as he parked his bike in front, glad to be back on the ground and stood on his legs, James seeming to feel the same as he let out a shaky sigh, face paler than it usually was.
“James? Sirius? What – whose motorcycle is that?” And if possible his best friends face turned even paler as they looked to the front of the house, the door open with Euphemia stood in the doorway, Benjy behind her and Remus and Hermione stood before her, all four of them staring at the two men like they hadn't expected them to be here.
"Benjy?" Was all James seemed to be able to ask as he stepped into the garden, Sirius trailing behind him, head bowed slightly and face pulled into a grimace. "What are you doing here?" So he was going to avoid the problem it seemed and instead plaster a grin on his face and try to make small talk with guests like his mother wasn't about to kill the both of them, nor that Hermione looked like she was ready to tear them all apart.
"Oh I just..."
"Nevermind what Benjy is doing here - there are more important things, like what the pair of you were doing on the back of that." Euphemia snapped, glaring at the pair of them as Hermione tried to slip by her, Remus following. "Don't think the pair of you are getting out of this!" She snapped, opening the door wider and gesturing for Sirius and James to step inside. Only to stop and look at something on the street. "Girls, inside please."
Sirius turned to see Marlene and Lily walking up the path, matching frowns on their faces as they hurried up the path and into the house, the door slamming shut behind them. Hermione had moved to sit on the stairs with Remus, the pair of them looking slightly shaken up as James joined them. Benjy was accepting a drink from Poppy, and seemed the only young adult in the house that was calm in the face of Euphemia's temper.
Hazel eyes like her son, hands on her hips and a stern look that Hermione had perfected. "What has happened today that it seems the intelligent teenagers I normally have in my house have all suddenly become stupid in their decisions."
"Mum!" James snapped as Hermione's face fell into her hands. Sirius' stomach turned, she hadn't even looked at him or uttered a single word, and he understood that maybe it wasn't the right time to be having a conversation but something had clearly happened and as her boyfriend wasn't he supposed to be the one she turned to and look for comfort in. Instead she was sat with Remus, far too close than they should have been.
"No, not mum, do you honestly think I haven't heard what happened with each of you - that your father is slow in informing me what each of my children seem to get themselves tied up in." James shifted where he sat and Hermione finally looked up as Euphemia let her hands drop, suddenly looking much more tired than she had done five minutes ago. "The only ones who seem to have any brains left are Marlene and Lily."
"That's unfair, they went down -"
"It doesn't matter, they did what I have asked of each of you, inform me where you are going and what time you will be returning." Euphemia snapped as Hermione finally looked up with a frown while James rolled his eyes. Sirius shifted where he stood, Lily and Marlene stood beside him. "Do you have any idea how worrying it is when you don't know where your children and children in your care are?" They all flinched, even Benjy and Poppy who stood watching.
"Mum, we didn't mean to worry you." Hermione whispered yet still loud enough for everyone to hear.
"I understand you are adults and therefore, and I am glad you are all home safe but...but motorcycle chases and close calls with Death Eaters, Bellatrix Lestrange at that, that isn't something a mother thinks she will be hearing about!" Euphemia shouted as Sirius frowned and looked back to Hermione and Remus, their heads bowed once again. Unless he was mistaken, his twisted cousin wasn't one of the Death Eaters that had been chasing him and James.
"Bellatrix...wait - what the fuck!" James snapped, glaring at Hermione and then Remus.
"Language!"
"Because that's what's important right now." James snapped and Sirius flinched for him. The Potter's weren't ones who normally snapped at each other, especially not with their parents, and Sirius couldn't help but worry of how Euphemia would react, her eyebrows raised and her hands back on her hips but she didn't see too put out, instead she almost seemed amused.
"What's important is that my children are being targeted, and instead of -" A sigh left her mouth as she stepped closer to her children. "You all know the importance we hold in this war, and you are all aware of what might be heading your way but actively putting yourself in these situations -"
"We didn't go searching for it, Mum." Hermione whispered as Euphemia smiled sadly, reaching for her daughter's hand and squeezing it gently. Sirius wanted to look away as she did it to James and then reached out to pat Remus' shoulder, like a damn family moment that he wasn't a part of, neither were Lily or Marlene, but it hurt more than he cared to ever admit.
"I know, I know, I just -"
Euphemia's sentence died on her lips as the fire in the sitting room roared to life, large green flames spitting as Fleamont stepped out of them, all but running forward into the entryway and letting out a sigh of relief. His strong arms wrapped around Sirius in a second, before Lily and Marlene, and then to Remus, and lastly to his children who he pulled into a tight hug, pressing a kiss to the tops of their heads like they were children, and not at all like his son was taller than him.
He let go of them and moved to his wife, kissing her quickly and then held out a hand for Benjy to shake before sighing. "Is everyone ok - I know today was probably a lot - you girls didn't -" His questioned was unfinished but everyone understood the implication as Lily shook her head.
“No, we just went to meet a friend but he never showed – and as far as we are aware there were no Deatheaters near us.” Her tone was shaking, eyes slightly watery as Marlene tilted her chin and looked away. It didn't take a second for James to move from his spot and come to Lily's side, offering her his arm and tucking her into his side.
Sirius wished he could do the same with Hermione but she was back to her face in her hands. Instead, he reached out to gently rub Marlene's side, offering her a kind smile that she returned, he would be having words with his brother the next time they saw each other. Or maybe Marlene would have a few things to say instead, either way he would be there for her if she needed him.
There was a worry in the back of his head, one he didn't want to voice nor wouldn't, because he didn't want to think that his brother had been involved with today in anyway, that everything he had said and done was just a front for what he was actually doing. That he was using Marlene as some kind of source of information, pretending and spying, that he really was on the wrong side for all of the wrong reasons.
"Oh...well that's good then." Fleamont spoke, though with a slightly sad smile. "I imagine there is much we need to speak about but we can leave that for later on or tomorrow -"
"What? No we can not." Euphemia spluttered out as she turned on her husband. "Flea, they were in dangerous situations today, and the disobeyed the rules we gave them...we can't just let this go unpunished, or without at least talking it out." Her voice was high, waving slightly and her eyes glistening. She was scared, terrified of what this might mean, and Sirius felt more guilty than he had done about anything in a long time.
Fleamont turned, clutching her shoulders with his hands as he spoke softly. "Effie, we can't lock them away forever -"
"I know that."
" - and they did well today, well expect for the flying away, and they got home safely, and for that we should be grateful." He ran a finger over her cheek and Sirius felt like he was intruding on a private moment as Euphemia opened her mouth. "One way or another this is going to be their future, we know this and they know this, they decided this long ago, and we just have to have trust that they can defend themselves." He added, sending them all a quick sad smile.
"But Bellatrix and the bike?" Euphemia cried slightly, tears running down her cheeks. It must have been hard to accept, an Auror as a husband, one who was aging in a way that Sirius didn't want to see, and two children who weren't going to stop throwing themselves into these situations, plus all their friends who had found a home here.
"Bellatrix is a vicious woman who isn't going to give notice when she appears, and we both know Hermione is more than capable of defending herself and those who need it." Fleamont began, before looking at his daughter with a frown. "That been said, avoiding any possible interaction in the future would be preferable." Hermione lifted her head from her hands and gave her dad a weak smile and nod of her head.
"I'll try."
"As for the motorbike, I was the one who helped Sirius acquire it and modify it." Euphemia's mouth dropped open as she spluttered and Fleamont winced. "So I will take responsibility and keep it safe until Sirius comes of Muggle adult age and gets his license." Sirius' own mouth dropped open, an argument on the tip of his tongue but he swallowed it.
These weren't his parents and he was lucky enough that they had taken him in, given him a room and a safe place to stay, he wasn't going to push it but he would have rather been yelled out and grounded for a couple of days, not limited as to when he would be able to use his bike again despite the money he had paid for it. He wouldn't be able to see it again until he finished school next year and the whole thing seemed unfair.
"Fine." Euphemia spoke, throwing her hands in the air and glaring. "Fine, then the least the lot of you can do is go to your rooms and think about everything until I call you down for dinner." She all but hissed the words before turning and storming towards the kitchen with Poppy following behind her.
No one disagreed with the rules, Remus standing up and going up the stairs, James, Lily and Marlene following behind and leaving Hermione and Sirius there. Sirius opened his mouth to speak, to say anything but nothing came, a large hand patting down on his shoulder. "Sorry son, I need to speak with Hermione for a minute - I promise she'll be up soon." Again there was nothing he could say, instead, he nodded his head and made his way up the stairs, not even looking back.
His room was a tip, but he didn't care as he stormed inside, the door closing behind him and every feeling of the day seeming to creep up. His skin felt like it was burning, his throat dry and his head a mess of jumbled thoughts that might as well have been in another language.
The bed dipped under his weight, soft as it had always been and yet feeling like a pile of nails, hands threading through his hair and foot tapping against the floor. His bike was gone, well not gone, but taken away from him - almost tempting him to run back downstairs and jump on it and ride away from a little bit before he had to say goodbye. His girlfriend had barely looked at him, barely any of his friends had, for whatever reason.
He doubted she would even come in here when she was free from whatever her father wanted to talk about, she had barely cared when he returned.
Selfish. You've always been selfish. His mind whispered at him, churning his stomach again and making his eyes sting. Sad little boy crying in his room about no one wanting to check on him - not like you are checking on them.
The voice was colder than his own, taunting and cruel, but so very true even as the other side of his brain refused to listen to it, firm in his annoyance and bitterness, twisting every urge in his body and making him feel tired and old.
His door clicked open and for a second he thought it might be her, his head turning to the side and a scoff leaving his mouth as Remus stepped in, cringing at his messy floor and softly closing the door behind him, his mouth opening to say something but Sirius beat him to it, sneering slightly. "What do you want?" He hissed out as Remus narrowed his eyes. "Shouldn't you be cuddled up to the side of Hermione and talking about your run in with dear old Bella." It was cruel and he was aware of that but it was almost like his mouth was moving without permission.
“Don’t be a dick, Pads.” Remus scolded, arms crossed over his chest and eyes almost rolling into the back of his head.
"I'm not -"
"You are, and you know you are." Remus snapped as he moved further into the room, stepping over piles of clothes to sit beside Sirius on the bed with a huff and a frown. "I get that you're a little upset at the moment, but you don't need to take it -"
"I'm fine...not upset in the slightest...so why don't you go bother someone else?" The words were like ice on his tongue and for a second he actually thought Remus might get up and go, leave him here to deal with his bad mood himself. Perhaps his friend would be more than happy to sit beside his girlfriend and offer up words of comfort, the pair of them forgetting that Sirius was even there in the first place.
Remus' mouth opened just as the door did, James sliding into the room with a smile that fell off his face as he took in the two before him and the mess all over the room. "What happened in here?" He asked with a wince, bending down to pick up some clothes and place them to the side. "Honestly, Pads, you'd think you would have learnt to clean up after yourself by now." James muttered more to himself as he did the same with some more clothes only for Sirius to grab them and throw them to the side.
"I don't need you to clean my room, James."
"What's your problem?" His best friend asked, looking down at the clothes with a frown before turning to Sirius and narrowing his eyes.
"He's lashing out because he doesn't know how to deal with whatever happened with you guys." Remus explained, leaning back onto the bed and letting out a sigh as James' eyebrows rose and he rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, hands clasping behind his back and mouth twisting into a tight line across his face, making him look more like Fleamont.
"I am not lashing out." Sirius snapped, sending a quick glare to Remus who didn't seem to care.
"Mate, it's fine if you are - I mean being chased on a motorbike by Death Eaters and almost stopped by those Muggle officers...then flying away - it was a lot, and it takes it's toil." James' hand rested on his shoulder in what Sirius was sure was meant to be comforting but only aggravated him further, making him move away and stand further in the room, away from both of his friends who were watching him as though he was about to explode.
"Not for you apparently, bet by the end of the night you, Remus and Hermione will all be tucked into her room with muffliato cast and doing Merlin knows what." His mouth moved without his brain, spewing out words that held little meaning, that in all honesty he hadn't thought he was that annoyed about but was now questioning himself, because what did it matter when he cast silencing spells at his door all the time.
"Are you accusing us of something?" Remus asked with narrowed eyes, while James scoffed.
"Are you accusing us of what I think you are because if so then you need to get your head sorted out, mate, that's your girlfriend and my sister, nothing like that is happening nor will it ever with me or Moony." James spat out, looking disgusted and Sirius couldn't blame him there.
Though he couldn't quite stop himself from speaking, curling his lip and sneering at his best friend as though he was nothing but an annoyance. "Right, because Moony doesn't spend his time wishing it would."
"What are you -"
"However Remus is feels isn't our business, he's never done anything to break your trust, and honestly it's not our problem right now." James snapped, words hissing out of him. "You need to deal with how you are feeling instead of taking it out on us." He sounded so mature, but he didn't understand the panic that had filled Sirius' head.
"Whatever - it doesn't matter."
"Clearly." Remus snorted out. "Maybe you could tell us what the issue actually is, or you could stop standing outside of doors trying to listen in and just talk to your girlfriend." His voice was softer, but his light green eyes were hard as they looked away from him.
James looked stoic, all but glaring at Remus as though he had dared to say something he shouldn't. He wanted so bad to ask why, but he didn't think his brain could take anything else right now.
There were almost a million voices in his head, all whispering and trying to guide down different paths or urge him to say what they wanted. He wanted them gone, he wanted to follow them, he wanted to be alone and he wanted no one to leave him alone.
"What did you and Hermione do today?" The words left his mouth rapidly before he could stop them, harsher than he wanted it to come across but then his mouth was moving again. "And why didn't either of you tell me?"
"You are aware we are friends, right, we don't need your permission to spend time together." Remus snapped back, as Sirius frowned. He knew they were friends and he knew somewhere in the back of his mind that he was being unreasonable but it was taking the rest of his overcrowded brain too much time to catch up.
"You're just proving my point."
"The point of me having a crush on Hermione?" Remus asked with a sigh as he looked away, hands clasped tightly in his lap. "I doubt this is what's actually bothering you, but fine, I'll bite - what are you talking about?" Sirius scoffed, wanting nothing more than to wave his arms in the air and make a list of every little thing that Sirius had seen and thought worth taking note of but right now he was coming up blank.
"Pretend all you want, pretend that everyone hasn't noticed how you moon over her - that you weren't tripping over yourself the moment she asked you to go with her today, hoping something else might happen." Instead he was just cruel, words rolling off of his tongue and finger pointing towards his best friend.
"Just like you're pretending this is your main problem because it's easier than dealing with what is actually messing you up in there." Remus Lupin, ever the logical one, the one who remained calm and refused to take the bait or throw a punch no matter how much Sirius deserved it. "Hermione likes you, you know this, so what does it matter how I might feel when it's pretty obvious who she wants."
"So obvious that she couldn't even look at me-"
"That was not about you!" He snapped, but there was no anger in his voice, just annoyance and tiredness. His eyes closing and his hand moving to run through his hair as he stood up from the bed. "We had literally just come from facing off against Bellatrix, who did nothing but torment Hermione about Octans...about Marie...so can you cut her some slack instead of thinking your needs need to come first."
It should have ended at that. It should have been a moment of shaking hands and letting it be but Sirius felt as though his whole body had been wound up and he was ready to spring like a jack-in-a-box. "That's not what I was thinking!" He sounded like a whiney baby and not the grown man he actually was. "I just thought it would be nice to get a hello or even a wave but instead -"
"You got someone who was wrapped inside their head and thinking about what they just dealt with - I wonder why that seems so familiar." Remus scoffed rolling his eyes before he moved forward to place a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "It's alright to be scared, worried and even angry, but you can't take it out on us." His eyes flashed as his tone remained calm.
"I'm not."
"You are."
"I didn't mean to." Sirius tried to defend himself, even as Remus and James both gave him a look. "Alright, maybe I did, and I'm sorry - I shouldn't have taken that out on either of you." It was almost like a relief, some of the weight lifting from his mind as he apologised, sitting back down on the bed.
Today had been too much and a reminder of what he would be stepping into willingly once they finished Hogwarts and he was terrified. It was easier to pretend at school, that the war was only outside, and that the only Death Eaters they had to face were their age or younger and could be taken down a notch.
But being in it, being chased and worried with too much happening, was almost too much. The Order, Aurors and even the other side dealt with this everyday - people died and people were hunted for no reason.
Or because they held powerful names. It seemed like that was all Voldemort wanted, Pureblood idiots to follow him around even if they had never showed an interest, or maybe there was more and he was being stupid in not seeing it but it didn't matter because he didn't want to join them nor be terrorized by them.
"I just -"
"Dad wants to speak to you." The three looked towards the door where Hermione stood, same as she had when Sirius had first seen her when he got home, yet there was a difference too. Eyes slightly pinker than before and arms wrapping around herself, her eyes focused on James as he opened his mouth and shut it quickly, before moving past her, a hand on her shoulder and a kind smile on his face. Then those chocolate eyes were on him. "Hi...am I interrupting?" She added after a second, sending a quick glance to Remus.
"No...no, not at all - is everything ok?" Sirius rasped out as she moved further into the room, unlike her brother not seeming bother by the mess, to stand before him, her shoulders shrugging gently. The door shut gently as Remus wormed his way out of the room and offered them some kind of semblance of privacy.
"Just dad being dad." She muttered as she moved gracefully to sit by his side, giving him a slightly watery smile and making her face look younger and more innocent, slight dimples in the apples of her cheeks and spiky lashes fluttering. "Sorry about your bike." She spoke, reaching for his hands as it was his turn to shrug his shoulders.
"It's alright." He muttered softly as he moved his hands to wipe her cheeks.
"Are you ok?"
"I've been better." He answered honestly as he gave her a faint smirk, her lips curling slightly as he reached out to tug on a curl, stopping to wrap the black hair around his finger. Inkier coloured than his own and possibly darker. "Though I can't really complain since I'm not the one who went against Bella and lived to tell the tale." He tried to grin at her, wary as her own smile remained on her face as she pulled away and laid back onto his bed.
"It wasn't a part of plan for today." She muttered, as he laid beside her, the pair of them turning to face each other, their noses almost pressed together. It made his heart beat faster in his chest, and not in away that was lustful but in a way that made him want to lay by her side for as long as he could, taking in her soft features and pink cheeks, the way her mouth curled around words and her eyes showed everything and nothing.
But he had to ruin everything, even as it came out as a joke, the previous conversation he had had still fresh on his mind as he opened his mouth and spoke. "No that would have been whatever you were doing with Remus."
"Asking questions in Knockturn Alley and buying Remus a book." Hermione answered, eyes slightly narrowed but she didn't bite, a smile playing at her lips. Sirius fought the urge to roll his eyes, he didn't understand why she just couldn't tell him what she had been doing, or whether she thought that her day wasn't even worth noting, or whether she thought he didn't need to know because she wanted her secrets.
"Hermione."
"Sirius."
"Look I don't want to be that bloke but -"
"Then don't be that bloke." Her tone was sharp as she cut him off, rolling her eyes and reaching out to press a pale finger against his lips. "I know what you are going to say, and I'm going to ask you to get over it because Remus doesn't deserve that - and I'm pretty sure he made that clear before I came here." An eyebrow arched elegantly as she pulled her finger away, almost daring him to fight with her.
"You were listening?" He asked instead as she rolled her eyes and sat up, he copied her because it was weird to be laying and staring at the place her face had just been and much easier to lean back against the wall of his bed.
"No, your voice is loud." She answered with a teasing grin, flicking her hair over her shoulder as she copied him, curling up to his side. "Plus it's not like I don't know you aren't outside my door half of the time I'm talking to James." A smirk pulled at her face and her eyebrows raised as he spluttered slightly, his mouth opening to say something. "One day we'll talk about it, I promise but not right now, I just need to relax with you by my side."
He wanted to fight her on it, to demand her to say something else, to tell him whatever she was hiding but he didn't have the energy to give into it for the moment so instead he settled on wrapping an arm around her back and pulling her closer into his side and placing a kiss on her head. "Yeah, of course."
"Thank you."
…
Last week of August 1977
"Everyone in the sitting room - your letters have arrived and we have to -"
"Can't we just open them over breakfast." James grumbled, hair messier than usual and a bone cracking yawn leaving his mouth. "I'm hungry." It was impressive how someone who was legally an adult could manage to look so much like a child, Sirius couldn't help but chuckle at the fact, shaking his head as he looked to Euphemia.
"I'm sure you can manage the next twenty minutes without starving - now go sit down." Euphemia spoke rolling her eyes in a way that reminded Sirius of Hermione. The same Hermione who was smirking as she passed him, curls plaited messily and pyjama shorts far too short to be appropriate around family, but no one seemed to be complaining as Euphemia gave her a smile and Fleamont playfully ruffled her hair.
Sirius followed behind James, almost frowning as he sat himself between Hermione and Lily, leaving Sirius to go and sit with Remus and Marlene, the pair of them bickering about something with amused smiles on their faces. He couldn't help but smile too, his weird slightly incestos family. The one he chose when they saved him from his own family, all blended together and given safety under two people who could have easily turned them away.
He smiled gently as Euphemia handed out the letters with almost giddy excitement, her hand rubbing against his face slightly as she placed handed him his own. It felt the same as it always did, stiff ivory parchment with a seal, his name written neatly on the front, and inside the same letter that he had received since his second year, and a slightly shorter list of books that felt far too advanced compared to what he had learnt the year before.
A trying and difficult year ahead where his N.E.W.T scores would determine whether he would be able to join the Aurors, all of them needing to be passed with as many O's as he could manage and nothing under an E. Merlin, he would have to study - he would have to spend time in the library and work, he would have to become Remus...
The thought made him shiver just as someone gasped and Euphemia cried. "Congratulations!" Her arms were around Lily before the girl could even blink, wrapping her in a tight hug and pulling back to place a kiss on the girls head before looking down at the badge. "This is such exciting news, isn't this exciting Flea - well done!" The older woman almost screamed, eyes teary as Lily chuckled softly, her cheeks a soft pink.
"Alright mum...Merlin." James muttered as he all but pushed his mother away while Fleamont gave a wide grin over the rim of his coffee.
"Well done Lily." He commented, nodding his head slightly and chuckled as James wrapped an arm around his girlfriend and tried to push his mother away once again.
"Thank you."
"Mum, come on - look at what Hermione has!" James all but shouted, pointing a finger towards his sister who was staring at a badge in what could only be described as slight disgust and curiosity, a 'p' on the front and one Sirius was very familiar with for all the wrong reasons. Euphemia turned with wide eyes, her mouth falling open in a slight gasp and then she was on Hermione who seemed to do a better job at managing her mother than Lily had.
"Guess this means I'm replacing you, Lil', thanks for that." Hermione commented sarcastically as she patted her mothers back, offering the woman a small smile as she pulled away and moved to her husbands side, the both of them looking at their children and Lily with such prideful expressions. Though there seemed to be some tenseness there, around the edges of their eyes as Hermione pushed the badge back into her letter.
"Oh Merlin, this means I'm going to have to train you, doesn't it?" Lily bit back though there was a grin around her face. Sirius didn't think she actually cared that she would have to train Hermione or spend more time with her. It was probably like a dream for the both of them.
"Train me about what? I just tell people off and walk around making sure no one is out past curfew." Hermione grinned, her eyes flicking to him briefly. Sirius couldn't help but grin as he leaned back against the sofa.
There were worse things in the world than having a Prefect girlfriend who would have the ability to walk the halls at night without a worry, be able to sneak him into broomclosets without them being found. Who would be able to take him into the Prefect's bathroom without them getting into trouble, or well too much trouble, he was sure there would be limits to what she would be allowed to do and him with her but they could make the most of this.
"Among other things." Lily remarked dryly, tilting her head to the side and smiling.
"I look forward to it - congrats Lil', I know how much you wanted this."
"I didn't even have top scores in our year, really it should be you -"
"I don't want it and I don't deserve it, you do." Hermione spoke, waving her hand at Lily and leaning back against the sofa. For a second Sirius didn't believe her, how could someone so intelligent and focused not be interested in being Headgirl - he could remember years ago when her eyes had lit up at such a prospect, but now they remained uninterested, barely even glancing at the badge Lily gripped so tightly in her hand.
"Well alright then, guess it will be me and - are you ok, Remus?" Lily asked, a frown on her face as everyone turned to look at Remus, sat hunched over his letter, the same 'p' badge in his hand, he looked so surprised and hurt, and uncomfortable with all the eyes on him.
"Yeah...yeah I'm fine." He coughed out, green eyes slightly misty as he plastered a smile on his face that seemed far too forced. "Just wondering who Headboy is - hope it's someone you don't mind dealing with." Everyone seemed to understand in an instant, their mouths falling open and their faces turning sympathetic in a second. Like Hermione, Remus hadn't really spoke about being Headboy, but there had always seemed to be an allure there for him.
For what, Sirius wasn't sure, but when Remus had been made Prefect it was almost like he could see Headboy in sights, because that was how it went. You did the best you could do, you got Prefect and from the other Prefects in your year, one would be chosen and then it would be on your permanent record or something. Sirius wasn't too sure about that because his own record was probably filled with the amount of detentions he had had in the past six years.
"It's not -"
"I don't think she'll have too much of a problem with the Headboy." Hermione muttered suddenly, staring at James with wide eyes.
The same James who had been pouting not ten minutes ago about being hungry, the same James who had spent more time pranking than studying - the same James who was holding two badges, one in each hand. One looking very much like the Headboy badge, and the other with a large 'Q'. This had to be some kind of joke; not the Quidditch Captain, there was no one else in their year who deserved it more than James, and no one who wanted the Quidditch cup more than McGonagall.
But fucking Headboy?
"The old man has to be out of his fucking mind." Sirius cried before he could stop himself, throwing his arms in the air.
"Language." Euphemia called, eyes glazy as she looked at James.
"Sorry - but this has to be some kind of joke...from the lunatic himself or from Prongs - are you pranking us?" Sirius asked, pointing a finger across the room at James, narrowing his eyes and focusing in on his best friend who stared back with wide eyes. It would have been cruel to do, especially to Remus who looked half between upset and amused. James shook his head, a strangled sound leaving his mouth and giving Sirius enough proof. "Then I'm being punished, clearly."
"You're being dramatic." Lily snapped, rubbing James' back, emerald eyes alight with a mad gleam that he didn't like. Like she was planning all the Head things they could do together, which sounded dirtier than Sirius meant and far less exciting. "I mean it's surprising -" James let out another strangled noise, turning to look at Lily. "But it makes sense, James is very hardworking." Sirius couldn't help the barking laugh that left his mouth.
"Have you just met James?" He asked as Marlene chuckled and Hermione smirked. "I mean look at Aunt Effie and Uncle Flea and tell me this isn't as shocking as it seems." He gestured to the couple stood looking at their son. It was shock clearly but there was something else at play there as they turned to look at each other, seeming to have some silent conversation between them that had Hermione frowning and James shifting slightly.
"Fuck you, mate." His best friend finally managed to say as he turned the badges over in his hands.
"Language." Fleamont spoke this time, voice just as strangled as his son's.
"He does have a point." Hermione commented with a wicked grin that did far too much to Sirius and made him think about all the things he shouldn't be thinking about when surrounded by friends and his girlfriend's parents.
"Hey! Come on, I mean I may not be Remus who deserves this far more than I do, but I'm smart and I work hard - and I've done a lot for the school over the years." James fought back, not seeming as shocked as he waved his hand around and blushed as Marlene let out a loud laugh, leaning forward in her seat, her own letter falling to the ground and lacking of any badge much like himself.
"You've done the most to the school not for the school." She snorted out as Sirius nodded his head in agreement.
"I just can't believe it...two Heads and Prefects, me and Mar are going to have to find new friends." Sirius sighed out as Marlene nodded her head beside him, suddenly serious as she crossed her arms over her chest and turned her head to look at him. Icy eyes, golden skin and hair, a teasing smile, Sirius could see how she lured his brother in, even if she wasn't his type in the slightest.
"I have a few prospects."
"Anyone exciting?"
"Ah...they'll do for a few months."
"Better than -"
"Can both of you shut up?" James shouted, throwing his hands in the air and wincing as his badges clattered onto the floor. He didn't move to pick them up, just looked to his parents with a worried expression that made him look so much younger. "Mum...dad...are you -"
"Oh, we are just so proud of you sweetie - this is...well shocking to be honest, but amazing and such wonderful news." Euphemia finally spoke, clapping her hands together and moving to wrap her son into a tight hug, kissing the top of his head before moving back to wipe her face of her tears. She looked like such a proud mum, even more so as she looked down at her children, it made Sirius ache in a way that he had never ached before. Made him long for something that his mother had never thought to give him.
"We are proud, son." And then Fleamont was there, ruffling his sons hair and gently gripping Hermione by the chin, a soft smile on his face. Their little family, one that hadn't been made by blood but one that they had created together, with love and respect.
"Now I think a celebratory breakfast is in order - myself and Poppy will whip up all your favourites, just give me twenty minutes and then we'll be eating." Euphemia spoke, turning back to the rest of the group as she moved backwards to the door, giving them one last grin before she was all but running out of the room. "So proud."
"Well done, to all of you." Fleamont spoke next before moving to grab his cloak from the back of the armchair, a grin on his face as he looked them all over."Now I best be going to work but we will celebrate this evening too." And then he was gone, leaving six teens in the sitting room with an air of shock around of them.
“I always knew Dumbledore found us amusing.” Sirius spoke, easing the tension slightly as he chuckled.
“It more likely that he is probably trying to keep an eye on us.” Remus commented, though Sirius couldn't help but frown. What reason would Dumbles have to want to keep an eye on them?
Sure they would probably be joining the Order, and yes there had been that business with Hermione and Dumbledore last year that had seemed to lead to some kind of general distrust within the group towards the old man, but Sirius doubted Dumbledore cared what they did at school. Though, then again, he had doubted that the Death Eaters would care about them but then they were being chased throughout the streets, so what did he know.
Clearly not much, as Hermione and James turned to look at each other, much like their parents, a silent conversation seeming to take place with slight frowns and the shake of Hermione's head. They knew more than they let on, more than just a throw away comment. The whole Potter family seemed to know more than they let on.
His mouth opened to comment on it, slamming shut as Euphemia came back into the room. "I forgot to ask...I know this is big news, and I am sure your parents would love to know so if either of you want to go home then we can always celebrate another day."
Lily smiled tightly, shaking her head and letting out a little cough when she spoke. "Petunia is at my parents for a couple of days and she wouldn't be happy if I came back with happy news." There was a slight hint of bitterness but other than that she didn't seem too upset. "I can tell them when I go home in a couple of days...only if it's alright that I stay." She added nervously as Euphemia reached forward to stroke her face.
“You are always welcome, you know that – Remus?”
“Nothing’s really changed for me but I’ll let them know when I head home tomorrow.” Another sad look, though the smile seemed much less forced.
“If you’re both sure.” Euphemia’s voice was softer but her hazel eyes were bright and she was all but bouncing on the tips of her toes. “Well I'll get back to the kitchen, why don't you all go get dressed and it should be ready soon." She gestured for them to move, which they all did, only Sirius hung back, reaching out to grab for Hermione and stopping as the rest moved ahead.
Bright brown eyes, like melted chocolate, looked at him in surprise before her rosy lips turned into an unsure smile that had him almost backing out, looking around as though she didn't quite understand why she was being stopped in the entrance to her sitting room. “You ok?”
“What was that look between you and James?” He asked before he could stop himself, like drinking Skele-grow. He was a Gryffindor for a reason, to be brave and a simple question about what was happening between his girlfriend and his best friend wasn't going to scare him, even as she frowned in bemusement and crossed her arms over her chest.
"What look?”
“The one you gave each other after Remus mentioned Dumbledore keeping an eye on us.” Sirius explained as though it was obvious – and he waited for the denial or something that would change the subject in a way that only she seemed to be able to do but instead she shrugged.
“Seemed like a strange thing to say.” There was nothing in her voice that gave her away, no flickering eyes or twitching hands, nothing to say there was more to the story. If she was lying then she was lying well, and he hated it because he didn't know. There were no tells, and nothing but the voice inside his head reminding him that she had promised to tell him one day but clearly that day wasn't going to be today.
“Hermione -”
“I mean, don’t you think it’s strange that he made James Headboy?” She asked, a small laugh leaving her mouth, her hands falling to her sides.
“Maybe he’s secretly a James and Lily fan – I don’t know or care unless we are talking about what you are hiding.” Sirius spoke, waving his hands before her face as she raised her eyebrows and gave him an unimpressed look.
“I’m not hiding anything.” He just didn’t believe her, and it seemed to hurt him more than it hurt her. Locked doors and secret meetings and random fainting moments didn’t give him the most confidence. But there was more to it than that, the way James hung around her at every moment as though he was both scared yet not concerned – and the way it all seemed to be brushed off with such a simple excuse.
“And I’m not as handsome as everything thinks I am.” He spoke, a small smile on his face as Hermione rolled her eyes and went to move past him only for him to stop her once more. “I thought we were saying things that weren’t true.”
“Sirius -”
"You said you would tell me, and if that isn't today then fine, I can’t force you, but don’t stand there and lie to me.” There was anger again, not like a few days ago but something more – something he couldn’t put his finger on. A deep sense that came with feeling like everyone around him was in on something that he had no clue about. Like if he found out then his whole world would change and he would be pulling back the curtains on something that he wasn't meant to know.
“I’m not.”
“Right – forget about it then.”
“Sirius -”
“It’s fine Hermione, let’s just go get ready before they wonder where we’ve gone.” He spoke softer, pushing a curl away from her face before he walked around her and headed upstairs, not looking back or letting out a sigh until he was in his room.
He would trust her, he did trust her but he would trust her more, and whatever she was hiding would come to light sooner than later and he would try to understand the reason as to why he hadn’t been told and hope it was nothing too serious, because he couldn’t loose her, and he didn’t want to fuck up what they had.
She meant more to him than some silly little secret.