Beginnings
Friday the 1st of October 1976
“Who here can tell me what Alchemy is?”
Hands shot into the air throughout the small group of 6th and 7th years, most seemingly Ravenclaws’ thought there was a good peppering of Slytherins’, and apart from Hermione and Lily, only two other Gryffindors’ and three Hufflepuffs’.
“Miss Potter.”
“Alchemy is a branch of magic and ancient science concerned with the study of composition, structure and the magical properties of the four basic element, as well as the transmutation of substances.” Hermione smiled as she spoke, her hand lowering as Lily pinched her leg beside her and muttered something under her breath.
For the first five years of their school it had been Lily’s hand that raised first, Lily that answered questions and Hermione only jumping in when she could, mainly because she felt like she didn’t have to – but it was almost amusing to be able to do it now. To be able to show her intelligence, and relish in the feeling of studying something new.
“Did you just quote the book word for word?” Snape hissed from his desk beside hers and Lily’s, face pulled back in his usual sneer and his fellow Slytherin chuckling beside him. “Are you unable to provide an answer yourself?”
Hermione rolled her eyes as Lily scoffed. “Are you unable to see when people don’t care to hear you speak?” Snape blinked as a couple of students laughed as Lily leaned back into her chair and flushed under McGonagall’s stern glare. “Sorry Professor.”
“Yes – as Miss Potter was saying, very correctly, Alchemy is a large mixtures of many things, it intimately connects Potion-making, chemistry and transfiguration magic – and can be very dangerous if done wrong.” Her stern eyes seemingly focused on every single student as she spoke, mouth pursed as tight as the bun on her head. “Can anyone else tell me what the main focuses of alchemists have been throughout the years – Miss Evans?”
“The best known goals of alchemists have been the phenomenon of Chrysopoeia, the creation of the Panacea, and the discovery of the universal solvent – and the use of the Spagyric.” Lily answered with a smug grin as she turned to face Hermione who rolled her eyes.
“Very good – five points to both you and Miss Potter for your answers.” McGonagall spoke, a small smile taking over her face before she turned to the rest of the class. “As you can see there is a lot to be done in this class, it will be difficult and will take time – but today we will be focusing on Alchemists and their creations, so who can tell me -”
“Nicolas Flamel is a famed Philosopher and Alchemist who created the Philosopher’s Stone, which is rumoured to also be the Elixir of Life.” Snape all but shouted before McGonagall could finish her sentence, his eyes flashing at Hermione and Lily as though he was impressed he had managed to beat them out of a question.
“Oh honestly, don’t you two read? Look – read that, there.”
“The dog must be guarding Flamel’s Philosopher’s Stone! I bet he…”
Hermione blinked at the sudden high pitched, and slightly annoyingly familiar voice in her head, shaking away whatever it was to try and focus on McGonagall instead, but something felt off. Something felt as though she should know whoever it was talking inside her head, as though she should try and grasp onto the fleeting memory with two hands and inspect it.
Only would she like what she found if she did? Would she even understand what her brain was trying to tell her or would she be left with a hazy memory that meant nothing more than a few words in her confused brain?
It was almost too much and not enough, slipping through her fingers with every passing moment and Lily’s unsure gaze.
…
Hermione sighed as she sat down at the quieting Gryffindor table beside Sirius, the only remaining students, their books half open in front of them as they ate dinner or their heads resting on the table. Only one month back and the coursework seemed to be hitting harder than before.
Lily on the other hand seemed to buzzing with energy, barging into James as she squeezed herself between him and Remus, and almost knocking over Remus’ tea as she reached for the food on the table.
“How was class?” Sirius asked with an amused grin as he spooned a piece of sticky toffee pudding into his mouth, eyes more focused on Hermione as let out a small groan and gripped her head.
“It was great!” Lily exclaimed. “Did you know that…”
“No, because if I wanted to know then I would have signed up.” Sirius cut her off with a small smirk as Lily glared at him and let out a huff of breath, stabbing a potato with more anger than was necessary.
“I’d like to hear.” James whispered from beside the girl as the rest of the group, sans Marlene who seemed to be missing, turned to look at him in confusion. “I mean – if you want to tell me then I’d like to hear.” He added, coughing slightly.
“Oh well...I’m sure it would be boring.” Lily spoke softly, her cheeks colouring slightly as the two continued to look at each other before turning back to their food with slightly matching blushing cheeks, though Lily began speaking softly to him under her breath.
“Pathetic, right?” Hermione jumped, turning her head to watch as Sirius pulled away with the same amused grin, his hand reaching up to tug on her a curl as he sent her a wink that had her whole face seeming to turn ten degrees hotter.
Her head turned to look at where her brother was watching Lily with what could only be heart eyes as she explained their class with a bit more enthusiasm, a small smile on her face and her hands moving around, she leaned forward slightly seemingly unaware.
“Have I missed something?” Hermione whispered back to Sirius as Lily rested a hand on James’ arm, her other hand still moving wildly as the pair watched them.
Before Sirius could answer, Lily was giggling, leaning forward and all but holding James to her side as he gave a happy little grin, his eyes slightly dazed – and Hermione couldn’t help but frown and wonder when the fuck they had gotten close enough to joke like friends instead of being civil from a distance.
A moment seemed to pass between them, their smiles slowly falling from their faces as they seemed to realise just how close they were, an inch apart and eyes flickering to places that had their cheeks turning even brighter red – and their faces leaning slightly closer as their friends watched with wide eyes and open mouths.
James pulled away first, a hand running through his hair as Lily blinked and frowned, a shocked sort of look taking over her face. “Erm...well that sounds great...and you’re very close and I’m...goodnight.” He stumbled through his words, all but falling over the bench to get up and speedily walk from the hall.
Lily turned to face Hermione, now looking slightly horrified as she pushed away her food and placed her face in her hands, mumbling under her breath before she too was getting up and running away, her bag still on the bench and her cheeks redder than her hair.
“What just happened?” Hermione asked, turning to look between Sirius and Remus, both of them seeming equally shocked.
Sirius turned to her, his black waves brushing over the side of her face, his nose an inch away from her own and his eyes wide. “Were you not paying attention?”
Remus let out a small laugh that had them turning to look at him, their shoulders pressed together and Sirius’ leg brushing against her own, as the werewolf let out another little laugh and shook his head. “You’re all idiots.”
…
Sunday the 3rd of October 1976
Hermione spent her weekend watching Lily and James as they interacted, the near moment seemingly forget in favour of their usual civil and friendly routine – they spoke more, that much was obvious, they even seemed fine sitting together and having a joke but that was the extent of their relationship.
Nothing screamed possible feelings, except for James’ sad sighs and longing looks when Lily wasn’t looking but on Lily’s end there was nothing except some new kind of respect and maybe a possible attraction that only seemed to hit in certain moments and surprised her just as much as everyone else it seemed.
Though Hermione could only base that off of the frown and blushing cheeks when James, Sirius and Marlene left for Quidditch practice, dressed in their Quidditch uniform and talking about how this would be the year.
Personally, two days of watching had been enough. “So what happened between you and James?” She asked instead as she landed beside Lily on the sofa, crossing her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow.
Remus chuckled from his own single seat, shaking his head and Lily raised both her eyebrows, closing her book and placing her finger on the page like a marker. “What?”
“The thing that happened during dinner on Friday – what was that all about?” Hermione asked as nonchalantly as she could, keeping her arms crossed and placing her feet onto the coffee table, carefully not to knock over Remus’ tea.
Lily’s cheeks flushed as she looked back to her book, pretending to focus on the words as she spoke. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Hermione raised her eyebrows as Remus scoffed from his own seat, his own books laid forgotten and his eyes looking between both girls as he reached for his tea. Clearly he was more interested in what was happening between them than whatever he was studying for.
Not that Hermione wasn’t, but it was different. James was her brother, and he had spent the better part of his Hogwarts days mooning over Lily who quite frankly had barely shown any interest – and now Lily was starting to and honestly it scared her more than anything. Her brother deserved the best, and not someone who would never admit they might have a slight crush.
“Do you like him?” Remus spluttered over his tea and Lily stopped pretending to read as Hermione narrowed her eyes at her.
“What – what are you talking about, Hermione?”
“I’m talking about you possibly liking my brother.” Hermione answered back, her teeth biting into her bottom lip as she shifted to sit more on her side and face Lily, a frown still on her face. “Which has come out of the blue and -”
“Oh my God, are you really doing this right now?” Lily snapped suddenly, slamming her book shut and throwing it onto the table. “Is this your new thing – hyper fixation on small moments between two friends instead of dealing with your problems?” It stings slightly but Hermione doesn’t stop herself from grinning.
“I knew there was a moment!”
“That’s what you took from what I said?” Lily asked with an air of disbelief, looking to Remus with raised eyebrows as he shrugged his shoulders.
“This is going well.” He mumbled after a second as Hermione laughed. She knows she should focus more on what was said and what her friends think but for some reason this feels an awful lot like a win and somehow important.
Like James and Lily getting together would ease some of the itching in her brain. Like it would make everything slightly better.
A single marble grave stood out even against the snow and dark sky, a wreath of rose lay at it’s base. Someone crying beside her, before an arm was sliding around her shoulders, her own around a thin waist as they walked away, through the snow and towards a church...
Her throat closed around her sadness at the foggy image, eyes feeling dangerously watery and the reasons nothing more than an annoying itch in her brain.
“Hermione, I love you, but this isn’t healthy.” Blinking she focuses on Lily and the concerned emerald eyes before her but it seems far away, clouded by the sudden headache and uncertain feelings. She wants to scratch for more, to see beneath the surface of the wall.
“It’s healthier than her locking herself away.” Remus added softly even as Lily rolled her eyes.
“Not by much – I mean, how is forcing something out of nothing any better than avoiding your own shit?” Lily exclaimed with a scoff, reaching for her book again and shaking her head before she dropped it with a slap on her lap. “And how can you even ask me about it when you can barely admit what is happening between you and Sirius?”
“Hm?” Hermione blinked, the feelings and sadness drifting away in order for her to focus fully on her best friend and what she was saying. “What about me and Sirius?”
Lily gives her an unimpressed look while Remus chuckles into his tea. “Honestly – you want to tell me the pair of you are just friendly?” Lily asked with a scoff, rolling her eyes and opening her book again. “If you think me and James have something because of a single moment then maybe you need to look in the mirror.” Hermione can’t help the small smile as it makes it’s way to her face.
“You’re right.”
“Thank you – wait – what do you mean I’m right?”
“Sirius and I have a lot of moments where it looks like something else is happening, not to mention we have actually kissed, so I’m not denying anything.” Hermione pouted as she spoke, forcing herself to face forward once again and to the dead fireplace.
“I’m not -”
“I just don’t know exactly what I feel nor if after everything that it would be the right time to explore anything or if I want to date anyone right now.” She can’t stand to look and see the pity on their faces, whether at the reminder of everything or because of how pathetically sad she sounded.
It wasn’t even like she wanted to date Sirius, Merlin knows the boy annoyed her more often than not, and she had often imaged slapping the smirk off his face but she wasn’t blind to the slight fluttering he gave her or how his silver eyes seemed to see even the darkest secrets she held – nor how they showed his own.
They fought and they hurt each other, and they were far too broken – plus everything that had happened the year before...yet he offered her comfort, he let her yell and he made her feel like she was both losing her mind and slowly piecing it back together – and he understood.
Understood how horrible and traumatic family could be, understood pressure, and how one mistake could ruin everything – and even after that, he understood loyalty and friendship. And she cared about him, maybe more than a friend – and she wasn’t blind to his looks either, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go down that path with him.
“I know you were hurt by Zach but…” Lily breathed out, her hand on Hermione’s shoulder and her mouth twisted into a sad frown.
“I’m not hurt – Zach had to leave and it wasn’t going to work out in the long run regardless.” Hermione protested with a shake of her head. If anything she had gained a friend through it, and the thought of him romantically seemed like a faint dream.
“I think what Lils’ trying to say is that, last year started shit but you met Zach and started something good that meant something – how do you not know that same couldn’t happen with Sirius?” Remus interjected, a frown on his face as he leaned forward.
“Aside from the fact that he all but said nothing would happen last year and we moved on?” Hermione asked with a raised brow and a scoff. “Because I would rather have him as he is now, than risk losing him because we tried something we weren’t ready for.”
Her eyes meet Lily’s and for a second she thought the girl understood exactly what she meant – that perhaps what you felt didn’t always mean it was worth the risk, but it was gone in a second and replaced by a frown and a disappointed shake of her head.
Remus though seemed conflicted, halfway before telling her off and offering her a sympathetic smile – only to settle on looking.
Maybe they would never understand – to self believing in their Gryffindor pride to realise that being brave didn’t always mean standing there and pronouncing their love for everyone to hear. Sometimes taking a step back or walking away was far braver than anything else.
…
The common room had always been very comfy in the evening, when everyone had gone to bed and she could lay awake listening to the soft patter of rain against the glass and feeling the slight heat from the dying flames of the fire.
It was also the only time she could seem to escape the prying eyes of Lily. Or the gossip of Emmeline and Jenny as she tried to read her letter.
The small parchment felt oddly heavy in her hands, thick and bending under the pressure of her fingers and seemingly the weight of the grin on her face – which felt uncomfortable and stiff after so many days of half smiles and softer laughs.
Dear Hermione,
I will finally be able to come down for your first Hogsmeade weekend on the 30th of October! You have no idea how excited I am to see you – I’ve missed you a lot, and I need a catch up on everything that has happened. I look forward to seeing you.
Love Zach
Merlin, she missed him.
Four months was far too long to go without seeing a friend, especially one who meant so much to her and who had done more for her than most people had. And now he was coming, in just a few weeks they would be able to talk and chat, and be the friends they had promise to be for one another – be able to speak face to face instead of simple words on paper.
She wondered if he had changed, eighteen now and working in the real world, would he suddenly seem like a man when out of his robe and uniform, would the boyish charm and warmth he held have faded instead for someone who was witnessing the truth of the war. It both scared and excited her, made her want the days to hurry.
“What are you doing up?” A small yelp left her mouth as she half turned, body falling forward as her legs remained stuck under the weight of herself in order to see Sirius as he stood just before the entrance, the soft sound of the portrait hole closing up behind him.
“People need to stop sneaking up on me.” Hermione grumbled out, moving to adjust her jumper and shorts that had shifted in her quick movement, her cheeks flushed as she avoided his eye. “I was reading a letter – what about you?”
The sofa dipped beside her and the familiar smell of grass, leather and tobacco filled her senses in a way that made her hands smell slightly sweaty and her head turn to face him, eyes raking over his face and exposed neck to find any sign of where he might have been.
“Had to pay some Slytherin’s a special visit.” He spoke with a slight grin, fingers threading together and resting on his lap and silver eyes dancing as the flickered over her face, stopping for a second too long on the faint scar on her head.
“Ah – lucky them.”
The small smile dips at her sarcastic tone before he sighed and looked down at her letter. “I didn’t know you and Townsend still wrote – let alone made plans to meet up.”
It’s not the reaction she had expected or seemed to have want. He sounds almost bored, barely interested even as his eyes darken slightly and his hands clench together tighter – almost as though he is holding himself back from whatever he is thinking.
She almost wishes he wouldn’t, almost wishes he would yell or snap at her, give her some indication of what he is feeling but he’s almost like a closed book now – nothing but a blank mask remained before her – scared or unwilling to show her how he truly felt. It made guilt twist in her stomach as she looked away, placing the letter on the coffee table.
“We’re still friends.”
Something twists inside her, her eyes meeting his own bemused ones as he offers her a small smile and nods his head, accepting the words for what they are despite who they might be aimed at.
“He’s a lucky man.” The words are whispered and his silver eyes are cloudy as he shifts slightly, his arm brushing against her own and a few strands of hair moving to tickle his jaw. “That you’re still willing to give him the time of day after he left just shows that you’re better than most people.”
Her breath shakes in her throat as she stares at him. And suddenly it doesn’t feel like they’re talking about Zach and herself any more – the air feels thicker and her heart beat is in her ears as his eyes flicker down to her lips and back up again.
Instead of leaning forward, he leans back, settling further into the pillows and giving just enough space to break the tension between them, even as he watches under hooded eyes.
Flushed and confused, Hermione looked away, back towards the dying fire – blinking once again when Sirius pulled out his books and laid them on the coffee table, like he didn’t care what might have just happened between them – like he hadn’t just set Hermione’s body aflame with such a simple act.
She should have gone to bed, moved herself away from the situation but instead she finds herself watching him, her arms folded over her chest and her gaze distracted by the way his tongue would peek out to wet his lips before he wrote something down or scratched something out – not once seeming uncomfortable with her presence.
She isn’t sure when it happens but she is half aware when it does, her head landing on his shoulder, his arm moving around her to tuck her into his chest – his own breathing slowing down beneath her chest and the feeling of his warmth invading her senses and relaxing her in a way that she could almost cry.
Neither of them bat an eye in the morning when Marlene stands above them, a single raised eyebrow and a cough leaving her mouth – their bodies spread out with Hermione half on top of him, her head tucked into his neck and his own head resting on hers.
It’s comforting and almost normal that there is nothing to say other than a soft ‘good morning’ and small smiles. And for once Hermione can’t remember why she was so hesitant to cross the line further.