Halloween Ball
Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle. Love is a war. Love is growing up. - James A. Baldwin
Friday the 31st of October 1975
Sirius hated balls. Apart from his own – but he wasn’t talking about those kind of balls.
Being the Black heir meant the he had been subjected to quite a few throughout his rather short life, watching Purebloods prance around like prized brooms in order to secure some kind of marriage alliance or to show how much money they had with their extravagant parties.
During the years he had been able to dwindle out of them – instead choosing to spend time at the Potter’s, which meant he only had to attend the annual Potter Christmas ball once a year and no others. Which was why he was rather pissed off to have to be dressed up in his best robes at school when he should have being getting pissed in the Common Room like every other year.
He still could, though it would be rather lonely considering everyone else fourteen and over was in the Great Hall – and well he might not have much class but he had enough to know that drinking with thirteen year olds was too far, even for him.
Plus, at least here, he could stare at all the girls who seemed to have gone all out for such an event – an event he was sure was just a way to distract them all from the depressing outside.
“You’re moping.”
“No, I’m sober – there’s a difference.” Sirius but back at Remus who just let out a sigh and pulled a flask from the inside of his robes, taking a sip and passing it over without an extra remark. “Thank you, Moony – what a true friend you are.”
“Anything to get that pathetic pout off of your face.” Remus remarked with a smirk, leaning back against the wall they were stood against, the dark setting helping to hide them from the girls that seemed to be on the prowl in claiming one of the three most popular boys in the school.
Mainly Sirius, but he wasn’t about to put his friends down. Instead he spent his time taking in the décor, pumpkins in the corner, floating candles providing just enough light to the fake starry sky, bats flying low and tables full of dark coloured drinks and sweets. Slughorn and the Prefects had done a good job in giving a spooky yet elegant setting.
Yet he was bored. Bored of the dancers twirling around like twats. Bored of the music which could have only been improved if they put on Led or Pink Floyd. This whole ball could only be improved by a few Marauder specialities.
“So I was thinking -”
“Holy shit.” Remus cut him off as Sirius frown.
“I haven’t even said my idea yet, you know, you could at least wait before you express your opinions.” Sirius whined out, taking another sip of the flask and glaring at a couple dancing far too close to him.
“No, not that – look.” Remus gripped his chin and turned his head around, all but forcing him to look at the group of girls that had entered the Great Hall. Sirius felt his mouth drop and his heart pound, also a slight wondering in his head of why he and Remus seemed to be the only ones in the hall staring at them, at her.
Hermione Potter, wonder of the ball, dressed like she aimed to impress Merlin himself in her deep red gown, a full skirt of stiffer fabric, a bodice, with thick straps, straight and tight enough that it left little to the imagination with every breath she took and see through puffy sleeves. Her usual curls were tamed to waves and half braided and under some silver cap – like some 1500’s Lady that required his attention.
He moved through the crowds, all but pushing people away until he came to a stop before her, eyes feeling hazy from just drinking her all in, hand reaching to reach out and touch where her necklace, his necklace, rested delicately. Personally he had never thought he would find an older ball getup that attractive but perhaps Hermione just lived to prove him wrong.
“Oh look, it’s George, Paul and John.” He moved his eyes away from the beauty before him, quickly to look at a sniggering Marlene, barely paying her any mind and apparently James who had joined them at some point.
“I call John.” He grinned as looked back towards Hermione. “If you want to be Yoko, I have no problem with getting out of here.” He waggled his eyebrows as she gave him an unimpressed look and he settled for a softer smile. “You look beautiful.”
Hermione stared at him, her lips curling up at the edges and her cheeks turning a hint pinker. He took a second to notice her face, hardly any makeup and a pair of earrings he had never seen her wear before but they only added to her stunning appeal.
“Are me and Lily invisible to you?”Sirius turned to bite at Marlene only to find his eyebrows raising.
Now everyone knew that Marlene was a beautiful girl, all long legs and confidence that seemed to drive lesser men wild, but he never really thought about it – never really taken interest, and not that he was now. But he could admit that the coppery cinnamon silk dress, with it’s low cut neckline and slit on the side, only added the goldenness that was Marlene’s skin and hair, and the iciness of her eyes.
She smirked at him and he felt whatever strange trance he was under break in a second, allowing him to turn to the more innocent deep mossy green covered Lily, with her dress flowing around her, dancing without her help, the auburn waves threaded with leaves and flowers. A naive sort of beauty that could only make him smile.
“You both look lovely, like a little forest creature and a pumpkin.” He joked out, wincing as Marlene smacked his arm and shook her head while Lily gave him an amused smile. “Ow...honestly Marlene!” She smirked at him and tucked her golden hair behind her ear.
“Better than looking like a dick.” She grinned sweetly at him as he rolled his eyes. “Come on, Remus, I want to dance.” The werewolf didn’t get a chance to respond, his mouth open as he was pulled away from the group and towards the dance floor where the music was now picking up a bit. Sirius couldn’t help but be amused by the situation.
The rest of the four of them stood there for a second, sharing Sirius’ (Remus’) flask and looking at the dance floor until James sighed and turned to the girls. “We better get there Mi’, mum will hang me by my arse if she finds out I let my sister stand to the side all night.” James grumbled but he looked amused regardless, holding out his hand for Hermione to take.
“Fine, but try not to stomp on my feet.” Hermione joked back, placing her drink on a table and dramatically reaching for her brother who began leading her away.
“Don’t go anywhere, Lily, I’ll be back for you.” James shouted over the back of his shoulder, still pulling Hermione into the crowd as Lily rolled her eyes but allowed for a small smile.
“Should we -”
“What?”
“You know.”
“Are you asking me to dance?” Lily asked with raised eyebrows, he shrugged his shoulders, his mouth falling open when she nodded her head and moved them closer to the crowd, placing her hands on his shoulders and allowing a good amount of distance between them.
Sirius cringed as he put his hands on her waist, he could almost feel James’ burning glare but he didn’t dare to turn around and find it, instead sticking to staring over Lily’s shoulder and moving side to side to some tune that he didn’t even know.
It felt awkward and clumsy, Sirius having to remind himself that Lily didn’t have the training most Purebloods had learnt since birth. His mouth kept shut as she stumbled and stomped on his feet for the fifth time in a minute, a small apology leaving her mouth and her cheeks turning a bit redder as he offered her a quick smile.
“She looks beautiful, doesn’t she?” Lily mumbled, her head turned to where James was spinning a laughing Hermione around, completely off beat but at least they were having fun. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she has a line of boys asking her out within the hour.” Sirius shifted and looked away from the red dressed girl.
“What’s your point?”
“My mum always used to tell me that we shouldn’t be afraid to go after what we want.” She didn’t give him a pointed look but he could feel the accusation in her tone. “I used to think it was true but...sometimes I wonder if there is some kind of honour in knowing that we can’t always be good enough for what we want.” Her eyes finally turned to look at him, softer than he expected.
“You know when I asked you to dance, I expected it to be a few minutes of silence, not whatever you are trying to get at.” He tried at joking but he knew it wouldn’t end there – it never did with Lily.
Her eyes hardened suddenly as she stared up at him. “Hermione deserves the best, she always has, and yet she wants you – whether she admits it or not, she does and instead of you manning up and go after her, you throw away something so important because you are scared.” Hitting the nail on the head.
“I’m not scared.” He denied with a small laugh, shrugging his shoulders as he added. “Slightly offended but not scared.”
“Then you’re just stupid.”
“Officially offended.”
“You need to decide if you really want her or if you are going to be content watching her with someone else.” Lily snapped, pulling her hands away and giving him a glare. “She doesn’t deserve to be lead on and despite the fact that more often then not, you make me want to pull my hair out, you don’t deserve that either.” His throat tightened up and his own arms dropped to his sides.
Truth was he wasn’t sure what she really wanted from him, he couldn’t name what was happening between him and Hermione and he didn’t want to – not now. But the idea of her being with someone, it ached him in his chest and made whatever he had left of a smile drop completely off his face.
“Lil -”
“You need to make a choice; let her go or give it a try.” The dance ended and they bowed to each other before Lily stepped away, giving him one last look as she turned on her heel and moved through the crowds, leaving him standing there alone.
...
HERMIONE POV
“I need some fresh air!” Hermione over the music with a grin as James nodded his head, throwing his jacket at her as he danced around to some song that had come on next. One dance in and he was already sweating – they still had a few hours to go.
The smile dropped as she shoved her way through the crowd, her head hanging low as she moved into the quieter hall and out into the courtyard. Tonight was supposed to be fun, a time to reveal in their teenage years but instead all she had seen was Lily and Sirius talking with frowns and glaring eyes – no doubt about herself.
She loved Lily, she truly did, and she understood the need the girl clearly had to protect her from something or to warn Sirius but it didn’t need to be done. Hermione was a big girl who would take care of herself like she had always done – and then cry about her mistakes and problems in secret later on.
But Sirius was bound to be awkward throughout the rest of the evening now, feeling threatened, feeling as though he would have to make a choice or inform her of what they had already discussed – breaking apart any progress they might have been making or turning their whole friendship into something awkward.
“What are you doing out here?” Hermione jumped and turned to see Edith, a groan leaving her mouth as the girl narrowed her eyes as blew out a breath of smoke.
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“Well then I could give an answer – one that I think it pretty obvious.” Edith remarked dryly, showing the cigarette in her hand and rolling her eyes as she took a step closer to Hermione, her dress the same deep blue as the night’s sky, silky with hints of silver and very elegant. “Want one?”
The girl held out the packet of cigarettes as Hermione stared at them with a frown. Hermione Granger could tell her all the problems that came from having one, the damage it would do to her body and teeth but Hermione Potter didn’t actually care. The few sips of alcohol she had had were doing nothing to her veins, and if she was going to have teenage fun then why not try the common fad.
It felt wrong in her fingers, and Edith seemed amused as she adjust the cigarette and pulled out a zippo lighter, handing it to Hermione and almost laughing when the black haired girl let out a deep cough.
“So what is Hermione Potter doing out here?” Edith asked again, taking a drag of her cig and looking for more professional than Hermione ever could. “I thought you would love being the centre of attention.”
“Just proves how you don’t know me.”
“I’m not too upset by that considering you didn’t even know my name when we met last year.” Hermione couldn’t help but wincing, she had that one coming. “I wish for that sometimes instead of the glares you keep giving me.” Again, she couldn’t stop the wince.
“I wasn’t -”
“You were and we both know it’s because of Sirius.” Edith sucked in her cigarette, taking the nicotine in harshly and blowing it back out before she turned to look at Hermione. “So I’m going to be nice and give you some advice -”
“I don’t -”
“Most of the girls here don’t like you, and it’s not because you have a broom up your arse and you think you’re better than everyone – though that is one of the reasons – but it’s because no matter how many girls Sirius ‘dates’, you are always going to be the one he goes back to and the one who gets to see what it’s like to be loved by him.” Edith told her smartly and Hermione felt her mouth drop open.
For someone who gave off a rather cute appearance, and looked like she could join Lily in her little Muggle fairy forest, Edith spoke like someone harsher. Everything about her seemed to clash in every way – a petite girl who played Quidditch better than most men, a cute looking young woman who smoked and spoke her mind – a girl most would assume needed to be dated first but was happy to climb into a bed without needing everything.
Hermione was once again reminded of how they were the opposite, and yet they had somehow both managed to get caught in the web that was Sirius Black.
“I – I’m not – me and Sirius are not together.”
“Sounds like your own fault.”
“Is that why you don’t like me?” Hermione couldn’t stop herself from asking, the cig burning slowly in her hand, reminding Hermione to take a drag, only leaving her cough half a lung out afterwards.
“I don’t know you, I remain indifferent, though if you would mind keeping the looks to yourself – I could do without the love triangle rumours going around.” Edith grinned widely, her dimples showing as she threw the cig to the floor and crushed it out with her heel before spinning around and heading back inside without so much of another word.
Hermione supposed she could add lack of manners onto the list.
“I didn’t know you two were friends.” Hermione jumped, dropping her cig onto the floor, not that she was that upset about it but she supposed it was a waste.
“Is everyone trying to sneak up on me...Regulus?” A sigh left her mouth followed by a frown as she spotted the young boy, almost fifteen – who looked so much like his brother but much more mild and brighter eyed that it took her a moment to foucs.
“You look beautiful this evening, cousin – I hope my brother had enough brains to tell you that.” Regulus spoke politely, bowing slightlywith a soft smile on his face. “Though considering you’re out here looking like someone stole your wand...and smoking...I’m going to say he made an error.” He gestured to the cig, stomping it out with his shiny shoe.
“Why do you assume he did something wrong?” Hermione asked dryly, leaning back against the stone wall and hiding in the shadows as a couple stumbled out, giggling together and taking off into the night.
“Did you break up or something?”
“You know, you can’t call me cousin and then ask if I am dating your brother...which I am not...it adds a level of strangeness to the question.”
“Can’t blame me for assuming that when the pair of you can barely leave the other alone.” Regulus joked back, his hands now clasped behind his back as he moved forward, still a good distance from herself but close enough that she could see the slight freckles on his nose.
“Why are you out here, Regulus?” Hermione asked softly, brushing down her dress and waiting for him to speak.
“Two years ago, you reached out to me and offered something that I had never expected from you, never expected from someone who hadn’t seen or interacted with me since before we could both remember.” He added a small chuckle to the end. “I saw you walk off and thought you could use the same...especially after the possible news of your father.” Her tongue poked out between her lips.
They had never been close, and they hadn’t spoken for two years – she had barely paid him any mind in truth but she had known he was there – across the hall, eating with future Death Eaters and deciding his future.
And now he was here, looking sweeter than he usually did and seeming to try and offer some support for something that had had no new news since the summer.
“So send me a letter, or better yet don’t do anything, we aren’t friends Regulus, you don’t need to trouble yourself pretending that we are.” He words were harsh and she couldn’t help the guilt as he flinched and took a step backwards.
“I’m not pretending anything – we may not know each other but I do care about you.” Regulus all but pleaded with her, sounding more truthful than she had ever known. “There have been many times over the years where I have wanted to talk to you – to reach out and offer some kind of support or even a friendship.”
“And you’ve had an ample of opportunities which you’ve never taken, and I never blamed you for that, but why now when we both know where you’re heading is the exact opposite of where I’ll be.” Regulus sucked in a breath as Hermione turned her head away again – she would save him when the time came but it wasn’t now.
“You make it seem like I’ve already made that choice – like I have a choice in the matter.”
“We always have a choice, Regulus.”
“No, you do, not all of us are so lucky as to not have to pick up the mess our elder siblings are leaving behind – or maybe you don’t know about that, perhaps I should speak to James.” His tone was harsher, similar to his brothers in his anger. “My parents have expectations, ones that not all of us can run away from, ones that will fall on me when Sirius finally runs away.”
Hermione couldn’t help but stare for a second. Fourteen and already the weight of the world seeming to rest on his shoulders – if he was preparing for what’s to come then some more honesty wouldn’t hurt him. “Yet you’ll do your parents biding, even if that means murdering people for a man whose blood probably isn’t pure.”
“I – I -”
“Is that what you agree with, Regulus? Is who you want to follow?” If he told her no now, if he gave her a clear sign then she would whisk him away, hide him somewhere that no one would ever find him.
“Of course not – I may not like or understand Muggles, I may not agree with us having to hide or even Muggleborns but I don’t think they deserve to die for who they are.” Confused in his beliefs, he didn’t have the clear view his brother did.
“Then how can you stand by – how can you allow your parents to lead you into something that you don’t believe in or that will get you killed?” Hermione snapped, taking a step closer to him. He stood eye to eye with her, shorter than most of the boys in her life and weaker mentally too.
“Not everyone has what my brother does – a safe place to run to when things get difficult – not everyone can turn their back on their family in favour of their friends.” But he wanted one, that much was clear – he longed for the safety her family had given Sirius, but he had a duty to do and he wasn’t ready to step away.
“We are your family – me and Sirius, and we not think twice about risking our necks to whisk you to safety because you asked.”
“My brother despises who I am -”
“Your brother hates who your family is making you into but you are the reason he has stayed as long as he has because he knows – we all know – that the moment he leaves, every beating, every decision will be placed upon you with no way out.” Hermione hissed out as a loud group of girls walked by, singing to themselves and paying the two of them no mind.
“Then there is no way out.” It sounded so final, he bright blue eyes seeming to dull and his skin turning paler by the second.
“Not in the obvious sense, no, but people don’t normally have me to help them.” Hermione whispered, letting the corners of her mouth turn up. “When the day comes, you find me and I promise that I will do whatever I can to keep you safe.” He stared at her a second longer until his head bowed.
“And what about until then?”
“If you ever need to talk, if you ever need a friend, then regardless of your choices – I will be here.” Quickly she reached to give his hand a quick squeeze as she moved by him, her head held high and her heels clicking against the floor. She would leave him with his thoughts.
There was nothing that could be done until Regulus decided he wanted help.
...
LILY POV
Dancing with Sirius had been awkward and tense, partially her fault and she was sure Hermione was going to be annoyed if by the way she had stormed out of the Great Hall and because Sirius was stood glowering at nothing in the corner, ignoring the girls fighting for his attention – and also because she had two left feet.
Two left feet that James seemed more than capable of dealing with as he lead that round in some old fashioned dance that she barely needed to do anything. It was almost like dancing with her dad, except she wasn’t standing on James’ feet – not that she would think he would mind as it would close the already small distance between them.
An amused smile made it’s way onto her face at his dreamy expression, the glasses slipping down his nose, the crooked smile and the shaggy hair that needed cutting shaped like a long mushroom on his head.
“Paul doesn’t wear glasses.” Lily blurted out before she could stop herself, James frowning down at her as he whirled her around. “Marlene compared you to the Beatles, Sirius called John but that would make you Paul and he doesn’t wear glasses.” She finished lamely as he raised his eyebrows amused.
“It’s been a long standing debate between us, one that we can never win because apparently Sirius just oozes John Lennon – though it’s a bit hard to be compared to the Beatles when there are only three of us.” James explained with a shrug of his shoulders.
His hazel eyes dropped with a slight sadness and his smile lessened, leaving Lily to feel guilty and filled with a strange ache to make him feel better. “They fired their original drummer – I guess now you just have to find your new Ringo.” He gave her a half smile and she cringed. “Though no one could replace Paul, he was always my favourite anyway.”
And just like that he was back, a cheeky grin on his face and his dance picking up pace and he weaved them through more normal dancing partners and she couldn’t help the grin that made it’s way to her face, nor stop from reaching up to push his glasses back up his nose.
The music changed and she didn’t step away, instead her hand drifted to his hair before falling back onto his shoulder. “Your hair looks different.”
“Took a whole bottle of my fathers sleek eezy to get this, plus a bunch of charms Sirius gave me, not worth it – thought you might prefer it to the, what did you call it ‘mop’ on top of my head?” His eyes creased at the side as he grinned down at her, slowing down their dance to match the music a bit more.
Her mouth felt a little drier as she focused on him. She had always known James was handsome, it was hard not to, but she had never studied him all that close – but his eyes were beautiful, a swirl of brown and green with little flecks of gold that Hermione’s sometimes had in the sun.
“The mop suits you more, reflects the chaos within.” Despite her raspy tone, he laughed and didn’t seem to take notice of the blush on her cheeks or how she quickly looked away.
“It’s a Potter thing, Hermione’s was much the same when she didn’t have as much hair to weigh it down.” Lily could imagine – the similarities between two people who weren’t actually siblings was a little jarring at times. Same smile, nose and sometimes personality, the only difference was James’ slightly darker skin tone and eyes.
“Hm.”
“Did I tell you that you look very beautiful tonight?” He asked suddenly, a nervous smile on his face.
“Actually you didn’t.”
“I am sorry.” He didn’t seem sorry at all, even as his face scrunched up into a cheeky smile. “I’ll make it up to you...your hair is touched by fire, your skin by the pink moon, eyes as bright as emeralds and a smile softer than...erm...this tune.” He cringed at the end as Lily threw her head back and laughed loudly.
She was still chuckling, James joining in, when she managed to get out her question. “Was that supposed to be poetry?”
“It was, beautiful, no?” He was teasing again, not offended by her laughter and for probably the first time in their five years of knowing each other, she felt at ease. She felt fine with being held by him, with dancing and laughing like they had been friends for a while.
It was a level that she had never wished for but was happy they had got to, and she couldn’t help but wonder whether things would be different if Hermione wasn’t here to try and bridge the gap between them. Perhaps she would have spent the rest of Hogwarts hating him, never giving him the benefit of the doubt or even ignoring his existence or maybe they would have found a way to be friends.
“Potter.” The smile fell off her face as the pair of them turned to see Severus sneering at the boy. Lily waited for James to say something back, to do something stupid but he just tensed his lips and looked back at Lily.
“I’m going to get a drink and check on Hermione.” Her heart softened slightly, even while in their own dancing world, James had still seen his sister leave the Great Hall and return with a glare, reaching to grab Remus’ drink and down it in one go.
She nodded her head and watched him go, allowing Severus to lead to a more private space as he put his hands on her waist and swayed side to side, trying to pull her closer despite her pushing back on his shoulders. There had been no request to dance, no hesitant glance at touching her waist like with the other boys – just simple assumption that he could do that.
“Can we – can we just stop for a second?” Lily asked, taking a step out of his hands and crossing her arms over her chest, her cheeks turning red as his eyes drifted down for a second.
His face turned into a sneer. “So Potter can dance with you but I can’t?”
“That’s not what this about, Sev, and you know it.” Lily breathed out slowly, reaching inside herself to find her Gryffindor courage. “I mean, where have you even been for weeks? We haven’t spoken since the duel in DADA.” He looked back at her emotionless, black eyes all but dead.
“Your friend made a stupid assumption.”
“Did she?” Lily asked with raised eyebrows – Hermione and stupid didn’t mix well in the slightest. “So why was she so upset about whatever spell you were planning on using?” She asked through gritted teeth as Severus shifted on his feet.
“It doesn’t matter.” Where was the boy who had shown her everything? Who had led her into the Wizarding world and taught her things she needed to know? It wasn’t the cold boy before her.
“It does to me, I suspect it was one of your own – the ones you cook up with Black and Potter in mind, and I’d like to know what it would have done to me.” Lily spoke, narrowing her eyes as Severus let out a scoff, his eyes all but rolling into the back of his head.
“Nothing that I wouldn’t have known how to reverse.” Somehow it seemed that he found that comforting, like she would let the whole thing go and that would be it. That just because only he know a counter curse all was forgiven.
“Oh how lucky for me that whatever spell you are cooking up needs a reversal spell.” Lily snapped, taking a step closer and pointing a finger into his chest with enough force for him to waver slightly.“That you would even think of using whatever it was on me, your supposed best friend.” Her voice croaked with hurt and his eyes flashed.
“I wouldn’t -”
“You were a second away, if Hermione hadn’t jumped in then you would have!” Lily all but shouted but she didn’t care if the gossip mongers were listening and eager to spread what they had heard.
“She shouldn’t be getting involved.” Severus growled at her, his eyes flicking dangerously to where Hermione was talking with James and Remus, pointing something out in the crowd that had both boys laughing and her own face turning into a smile.
“You’re unbelievable – do you know she refuses to tell me what would have happened to me because she doesn’t want to ruin our friendship.” And because she knew that Lily would be hurt no matter what the spell was.
“And yet we stand here fighting.”
“Because of you, Sev, because every damn day of my life I defend you – I push my friends away, tell them that they are wrong about you, that you aren’t like the people in your house and yet every day you prove me wrong.” Her whole body was bursting with unshed anger, years of alarms in her head and a blindfold finally being pulled off.
“What about Potter and -”
“What about them?” Lily asked with a sigh. “They have nothing to do with any of this...this friendship that has been growing apart since the moment you got invested with the beliefs your house spouts, - and I am tired of defending someone who could follow someone willing to kill me or someone who would willing try to hurt his best friend.” She whispered, taking a step backwards and shaking her head. “I don’t think I can do it any more.”
“So you’re going to run back to them and pretend you’re all friends when you know they’ll leave you in a heartbeat for each other.” So eager to blame other people. He always had been since they first met and it was tiring.
“Despite what you think Sev, it’s always been me leaving them for you and them welcoming me back despite what I’ve said.”
“Lily -”
“We’re done here, Severus.”
…
MARLENE POV
“Did I ever have a chance?” The words were running away from her mouth before she could even form them into a thought, her dancing partner tensing and his eyes turning from the beautiful redhead talking to his sister to actually look at her.
“What -”
“Or were you always going to run back to her when the moment presented itself?” James stared down at her unsure, his feet stumbling over the next step. “I mean, she’s beautiful, kind and smart – she’s been everything to you since the moment you saw her but so am I.” And clearly she was modest also.
“It’s different.”
“What don’t I have that she does?” Her voice had turned eager, all but begging him to confess – to assure her of everything she was. To make her feel more than the one people turned to for a quick fling. “What makes me good for some things but not for the rest?”
“If I could then I would pick you but sometimes we don’t get that choice – our heart gives itself away before our mind can catch up.” James spoke softly, almost seeming disappointed. “But it doesn’t mean you are missing anything, more so that I am an idiot who didn’t realise.”
That she couldn’t disagree with too much but she also couldn’t help but think of how lucky he truly was to have found someone he was so eager to love with everything he had. They had never had that, and despite her own disappointment, she had never wanted that from him, had never felt that for him.
He had always wanted Lily, and he would never stop – not even now as they danced across the room from her friend, his eyes seeking her out and his mouth curling up into a smile that only Lily Evans could put on his face. It made her want to grab her friend and shake her shoulders, make her wake up and see what was in front of her waiting.
“It wasn’t like I told you and I can’t be angry when we made an agreement – plus it was fun while it lasted.” Instead she settled on staring up at him with a soft smile, taking a small step away.
“While it lasted?” James gasped but his mouth still curled in a small smile. “Are you breaking up with me, McKinnon?”
“I think you have a chance with her, one day, when she’s ready – though I think the more we do this, the smaller the chance gets.” Marlene admitted as she looked across the room, an amused smile making it’s way to her face as she spotted Lily watching them.
“And what if that never happens?”
“Then you know where to find me, Potter.” She grinned up at him, the joke removing all the sadness from the situation as he let out a laugh as they danced slowly, in a pattern that only two people who had been close could ever master – one built on true friendship and a special type of love.
“For what it’s worth, I am sorry.” He spun her around slowly and pulled her back, a bit more distance between them now but it was comfortable. “And you’ll find someone better one day, someone who will give you everything you wanted – someone who deserves to see the sweet and loving side of you.”
“You’re good man, James Potter, never let anyone tell you any different.”
“And you are one of kind, Marlene McKinnon, and one of the best friends a man could ever wish for.” The song finished when his words did, bringing an end to their dance and to their relationship and yet Marlene couldn’t help but smile as he sent her a wink and began walking back to their friends.
Marlene stayed in her place for a second longer, a part of her hoping he would turn around and tell her that he made a mistake – that he liked her as more than a friend but she was hoping for something she knew would never happened in her wildest dreams.
A sigh left her mouth as she took a couple of steps forward only be blocked off by Emmeline Vance and her sidekick Jenny Brown – both of them wearing bright coloured dresses that showed too much in Marlene’s humble opinion.
“Can I help you or you just here to annoyingly stand in my way?”
“We couldn’t help but overhear -”
“You could have.”
“And what a shame it is that James Potter rejected you for Miss Righteous over there – I personally would be very offended by now.” Emmeline lowered her head and whispered the words right into Marlene’s ear with a smirk that made her skin crawl.
“What are you not offended by, Vance?” Marlene asked as she pulled away, taking a step backwards and raising her eyes as Emmeline gave her a fake smile but it was as subtle as screaming in a quiet room and a waste of Marlene’s time.
She didn’t wait for the girl or her friend to respond, moving around them and gritting her teeth when she felt the tell tale sign of a foot being stuck out before her and her own feet stumbling. What a great night this would be, newly broken up, speaking to Emmeline and landing flat on her face in front of the old student body of there school. Fucking fantastic.
Before she could face plant, someone’s black robe covered body did a fantastic job of stopping her fall and turning her into a mere stumble. Her head turned to glare at Emmeline, dropping with a sigh as she turned back to the boy, lowering into a curtsey that her mother would have found atrocious but the boy seemed to get a chuckle at.
“Excuse me.”
“No problem, sometimes a persons foot just happens to be in the way.” Marlene gave her own chuckle as Emmeline let out a huff and stormed away, Jenny trailing behind her. “Have a good night.” He mumbled as Marlene quickly looked up.
He was turning away from her but it didn’t stop her from catching his eyes, bright blue and full of humour. She sent him a quick grin, not even bothering to ask his name as she turned to find her own friends, who had luckily been too into their own conversations to see such a reaction.
…
REMUS POV
“I have never danced so much in my life.” Lily claimed as stretched out her feet with a groan. The group had moved from the Great Hall and towards the Great Lake, a few students seemed to be lingering around as the dance began to slowly wind down. He doubted the teachers would even notice how many of their students had snuck away if their cheery faces and Slughorn’s wine was anything to go by.
“I wouldn’t call what you do dancing.” Sirius grinned cheekily at Lily. “The Giant Squid would have stepped on my feet less.” Sirius remarked, gesturing to where the tentacles appeared above the water.
“Well why don’t we see – I personally would be happy to throw you in there and get it started.” Lily hissed back, crossing her arms over her chest.
The group chuckled, turning to look at Sirius for his response only to find him staring out at the lake with nothing more than a small smile on his face. No one seemed to know what to do, how to respond and thus silence fell around them.
Remus had thought it would peaceful after tonight, that he would relish in his friends learning how to be quiet for once but instead it just made him shift in his spot and wonder what the fuck had happened between his friends tonight that had half of them not looking at anyone and the other half like they wanted to be somewhere else.
His eyes turned to Sirius who was drinking from the flask from earlier, eager to down his sorrows, and letting out a cry when Remus’ grabbed it from him. “As much as I love awkward silences, I think there are some things to get off our chest – I’ll go first.” He let out a deep breath, before taking a sip. “I’m – I have -”
“If this is about your time of the month, Remus, then I can assure you that we know.” Marlene muttered, rolling her eyes as Remus stared at her wide mouthed. If they had figured it out then had anyone else – were there other people walking through the school knowing what he was? “Relax, I find it in Lily’s notes when I was snooping around.”
Lily turned to look at Marlene but Remus was pretty sure he was still in shock, that hadn’t been what he had wanted to tell them – three of his friends already knew and he wasn’t even that close to Marlene and Lily. “I knew – doesn’t matter - I figured it out third year but I didn’t want to say anything or draw attention to it when it doesn’t change anything.” His mouth fell open as Lily sent him a small smile.
He closed it with the flask, taking a deep drink as Sirius snapped at him, taking back the flask. “Don’t drink it all.”
Yet Remus couldn’t help but laugh, here sat five people who knew and didn’t care. The exact opposite of what he had been told by his father since he was four. “I’m sorry...it’s just – what normal people would want to spend time with a terrifying monster everyday?” He laughed again as Hermione shook her head and let out a scoff.
“Mate, it’s a bit hard to be scared of someone who wear cardigans and eats more chocolate than normal.” James spoke before his sister could, grinning at his best friend as he sat beside Remus, leaning back into his hands.
“That doesn’t mean -”
“That you’re adorable and aren’t going to be convincing anyone here that we should be quaking in fear.” Hermione responded from his other side, her knees pulled up to her chest and her toes peaking out of the skirt, shoes long forgotten.
His cheeks turned red and he was sure everyone noticed. It was hard not to when he spent most of his time around Hermione feeling like some bumbling fool who wore blush like a painted whore – yet no one ever called him out on it, not even Hermione who would just offer him a kind smile and look away like she knew what she did but didn’t want to bring it to attention.
Or maybe she was unaware, she seemed rather ignorant to how all the boys couldn’t speak a single sentence in her presence or giggled like twelve year old girls – never noticing unless it came to Sirius.
His best friend. Who was laid on the ground, drinking from the flask and refilling it with his wand before it could empty, seemingly humming to himself and unaware of the sad frustrated eyes that Hermione...and Lily? Were sending him.
“Pads, are you just going to keep that to yourself?” Remus asked, grey eyes finding him along with a sloppy grin. Pissed. “I’m not dealing with him tomorrow.” He added turning to James.
James glared but then his mouth morphed into a giant smile that made Remus feel slightly nervous and queasy. “No problem with me, but that means you have to deal with him on his birthday.” Fuck.
Remus let out a groan that had James laughing – Sirius’ birthday was coming up which would mean a party which would mean Sirius pissed off his face and Remus being concerned that one day his friend was going to become an alcoholic that depended on his friends to look after him. But that was his birthday and it was allowed.
Tonight was different, Sirius wasn’t drinking out of joy of celebration, but instead whatever was bothering him, more than likely Hermione, and whatever had been said between him and Lily. His friend had never really learnt to handle criticism that well.
Not that it seemed to matter much now as Sirius was singing loudly to himself. “...what time it was and...lights are low...I leaned back on my radio – can you lean on a radio...doesn’t matter...some rock ‘n’ roll, lots of soul he said...Ziggy really sang, making us some voodoo…”
“He’s not even singing the correct song any more.” Lily hissed to Remus and Hermione, emerald eyes bright even in the night and slightly cloudy as Remus shrugged his shoulders and James gave a heaving sigh as he stood up.
“Alright Starman, I think it’s time for bed.” James muttered to his best friend, kicking him softly with his foot as Sirius stopped singing, reaching out a hand for James to pull him up.
“No -” He let out with a huff as James tried to steady him, his arm reaching around his friends back as Sirius patted his chest. “No, Ziggy, I have something to say.” He slurred out and Remus couldn’t help but clenched his teeth.
“Tonight might not be the best time, mate, why not say it in the morning?”
“’Cause, I might not rem..remem...yeah I’ll forget.”
“This is not going to be good.” Remus muttered under his breath.
“Friends and McKinnon…” Marlene rolled her eyes as Sirius stumbled, leaning back on James for support and turning a bit green in his face. “You all know me as the loveable, Siri, but there is one thing I haven’t been honest about.” His eyes turned to Lily and then Hermione, slightly more focused than before.
“Shit...Sirius.”
“I, Sirius Starman Black, am declaring that...that...relationships are a waste of time, and no matter how fit the girl is – it’s never worth it for more than a couple of hours - “ Sirius hiccupped and Remus cringed as everyone waited for whatever else the idiot was going to say. “ - which I can assure you is longer than James has ever managed.” It hadn’t been that.
“Hey!”
“Let’s not kid ourselves, Prongsie, we share a dorm.” Sirius mumbled, patting James’ chest again as he turned his eyes back to the girls, though mainly one girl. “Point is – everyone needs to get off my back – because we just can’t happen, I don’t want us to happen.” He was looking at Hermione now with strangely sad eyes. “So stop thinking whatever happened was a big deal, because it isn – is not and some people need to move on.” He punctuated the end of his sentence with a swig of the flask.
Remus stared in shock even as Hermione simply blinked, emotions shutting off behind a pale mask, and if he was anyone else then he would think she wasn’t effected but he could practically feel whatever hope she might have had ebbing away, see the scar left behind from the plaster that had been ripped off.
Personally he didn’t get what Sirius was playing at – the boy, while he enjoyed getting around, had always had something of a soft spot for Hermione and here he was possibly destroying any future between them, which he would no doubt regret.
“So in turn I think -”
“I think you’ve said enough, Sirius.” Marlene spoke coldly, standing up as Hermione lifted to her feet, brushing the back of her dress and looking more unbothered while her friends looked as though they were ready to pounce.
“And I think we’ve all done enough this evening – we should all go to bed, Merlin knows some of us are going to regret what they’ve done in the morning.” Lily sent a pointed look to Sirius who just shrugged his shoulders before turning to a bemused frown to James.
“Where are they going?” James grimaced, deciding not to answer, and looked to Remus, nodding towards the boys other arm.
So much for being off the hook tonight, but he didn’t voice his annoyance, moving to be a good friend instead so he could help James drag Sirius inside and towards his bed. “You’ve fucked up, Pads.” James whispered but Sirius head was already dropping and his feet were barely moving any more.
Remus hoped the kid had a massive headache in the morning to go with whatever regret he would be feeling.