The Biggest Sacrifice

Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us everyday... unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed, and very dear. - Unknown.

Summer/ July 1973

Hermione let out a sigh as she stared at the freshly mounded dirt, a single rose resting upon it. There were so many things she wanted to say but her mouth remained closed and her eyes drifted to the messy haired boy beside her as he stared coldly at the ground.

They had been here too much, too many graves littered around them with the bodies of their friends and family dead underneath that it had come to mean nothing but an understanding that they too would likely end up here.

She tried to will her eyes to cry, to feel some kind of sorrow but nothing came. Ron deserved better than this, he deserved a full life with his family, but he deserved two best friend who would show a single emotion when he passed instead of what they were now. Hardened and unfeeling due to a war that should have ended the moment Voldemort died.

They had underestimated the Death Eaters.

“Was he a friend?” A quiet voice asked as Hermione turned to look at her side in confusion. This hadn’t happened like this, they had turned and left, thrown themselves into another battle that cost them more lives and almost their own. A small hand tugged at her own, comforting and warm as Hermione turned to try and speak to Harry only to find him gone. “I thought you were always the emotional one.”

This time she looked at the voice. A face so much like her own, though younger and a bit paler, framed by beautiful and slightly wild glossy curls, she offered a dimpled smile, showing much straighter and whiter teeth than Hermione had had at her age. But it was her eyes that caught Hermione’s attention, so much understanding, kindness and yet a certain level of coldness in those swirling orbs.

“Maybe once I was.” Hermione answered finally when the girl carried on her staring. The child nodded her head in understanding and offered a much more gentle smile as she pulled Hermione along the rows and rows of graves, eyes running over some and stopping on others.

She remembered all those time she had spent crying over the years, over the smaller things until one day it seemed to stop. Until loss became a part of her daily life, along with torture and running. She watched as people became resentful towards Harry and the war, but she never did. She stuck by his side until there was no one else left...until he too was nothing more than another person six feet under the ground.

“These are mine.” The girl claimed as they stopped at a piece of grass much further from the rest, three freshly dug graves with no stones above them and no flowers. It was kind of sad, like the grey sky above them, but the girl didn’t seem too bothered.

Hermione knelt down slightly, so she was head height and looked her in the eyes. “I’ll listen if you want to say something...or I can speak for you, what were their names?” The child frowned and then let out a laugh with a shake of her head.

“What were your parents names?”

Hermione frowned herself at the confusing question, the avoidance of her own question but the child didn’t seem put out, she seemed genuinely curious. “I...well they…” The names were on the tip of her tongue but they couldn’t come out, like her mouth couldn’t remember how to form them. “Marie and Octans Potter.” No, no, no that was wrong but the girl was staring as though she expected that.

“Some people are lucky in their life to have parents, I suppose we are lucky that we get three sets and maybe one day we will see Jean and Harold Granger again, but for now we get to be thankful for what we’ve got.” Hermione wanted to jump and down, to shout that this girl shouldn’t know her own parents names but she stood still, confused and unsure about what was happening.

The girl waved her hand, a large bouquet of beautiful flowers appearing in her hands as she knelt down to the oldest grave and placed the flowers on top, mumbling something in another language under her breath before she turned to face Hermione, dirt on her hands and eyes filled with unshed tears.

“My mother was a great witch, I miss her everyday but I am so thankful for Euphemia and Fleamont – they are the parents every child deserves.” The child looked at her and Hermione frowned until she realised the words had come from her own mouth, her heart aching as she stared at the grave and her eyes filling with tears, kneeling beside the girl only to find she was alone.

Her hands dug into the dirt, black curls falling over her shoulders. Every memory she had ever had rang through her head, confusing and swapping between every life. A cry left her throat as she sat up and looked over her shoulder, watching as Hermione and Harry left their little cemetery, neither looking back at her.

There was a cruel laugh in front of her, a man with slick black hair and crazed eyes, a wand raised in his hands and her heart pounded as the green light left the end of it.

Hermione awoke with a yelp, her hand gripping her sheets as scrambled out of her bed and sank onto the wooden floor with panting breaths, her ears ringing and her ears only able to see the green light that had been heading towards her by a man she had tried not to think about since she had come to the Potters, her own father in his crazed madness.

It took over all her confusing dream and mixed with the sounds of the four boys screaming outside her window, and the sun brightly shining onto the tips of her toes, washing away any of the leftover cold she felt.

“Miss Hermy is awake?” A squeaky voice called as Hermione looked up to see the family elf Poppy stood there in her mismatched clothes and eager smile, timidly moving towards the young Potter. “Did Miss have a bad dream again?” Hermione nodded her head as the elf wrapped her in a small hug, rubbing her back soothingly and then patted her head. “Would Miss Hermy like Poppy to run her a bath?”

“No thank you...I’m fine, I think I will just get dressed and head down for breakfast.” Hermione spoke softly, pulling herself from the arms and standing up on shaky legs, smiling down at the elf as she smiled widely.

“Poppy will make Misses favourite to cheer Miss Hermy up.” Before Hermione could protest the elf was gone with a loud crack. Hermione shook her head as she moved to her wardrobe, pulling out some clothes and heading towards the bathroom.

For a few seconds she stared at her reflection. The bags under her dark eyes and the messy curls, if she changed her hair colour and made her teeth longer then she could have just been Hermione Granger after a good night of studying but the lack of scars and watering eyes gave her away. Here the scars were internal from both lives, tearing up her inside and making her heart ache painfully in her chest.

Taking a deep breath she pushed the pain away, locking it tightly in a box and promising to deal with it later as she dressed herself, ignoring the developing curves and changing of her body. It was easier to deal with this time, having female friends and a mother to teach her certain spells, instead of a couple of boys who cringed every time a woman issue was brought up.

A frown made its way onto her face as she wandered down the stairs, curls being pinned up on the back of her head as she jumped down the last step and came face to face with Andromeda and Nymphadora Tonks.

“Hello dear cousin, bored of your own house already?” Hermione asked, grinning over her shoulder as she moved to the kitchen and sat herself down at the island, offering thanks to Poppy as she placed a plate of crepes in front of her with lemon and sugar.

“Of course not...thank you Poppy.” Andromeda answered as she took a sip of her freshly made tea and shifted the babbling baby on her lap so Hermione was staring at the ever changing hair and chubby hands that kept trying to grab her breakfast. “Dora, no, let Hermione eat her breakfast in peace.” The mother mumbled to the baby, cringing as Hermione hummed at her food.

Hermione watched the woman from the corner of her eye as she spoke quietly to her daughter, a soft smile on her face. It might have not been what the young woman had asked for but she was quite content with her life it seemed.

In a loving marriage, with a beautiful house and a supportive husband who loved her and their daughter so much. Ted Tonks who fit into their confusing and backwards little family like he was always meant to be there, who joked with Fleamont, complimented Euphemia, and spoke to the children like they were all little adults and capable of understanding him fully. And he wasn’t with his wife today.

“Where’s Ted?”

“He’s away for the week on business, so Aunt Effie made a very strong case about why we should come home and stay here for the rest of the week, or if she can help it, our lives.” Andy spoke in a high pitched voice, bouncing the baby on her knee as Dora let out a happy laugh and clapped her hands before pulling on her mothers loose hair with a chuckle.

“Well get ready to be awoken by the idiots outside.” Hermione grumbled as a loud crash keep from the back garden followed by loud yelling and a barking laugh.

Andromeda let out her out laugh and shrugged her shoulders as Hermione tried to fight her own smile. It had been forever since Andy had stayed here, and in all honesty she had missed having her cousin around as someone to talk to. Her other friends were great but their conversations were limited to letters and brief visits through fireplaces.

Hermione smiled at the giggling baby, reaching out to take her into her arms and bouncing her on her knee as Dora scrunched up her face and little black curls appeared, chubby hands reaching out to pull on Hermione’s own curls, only to be distracted by another laugh, big eyes trying to find the sound and narrowing when they couldn’t see anything.

“You can take her outside if you want, Merlin knows she could do with some sun but just remind James that - “

“No broomsticks until she can walk, I know.” Hermione answered, kissing her cousin on the cheek and dancing with the baby to the hall, spinning her around and smiling down at the high pitched laugh Dora made.

The sun seemed to shine even brighter as she pushed open the back door, Dora clapping her hands as she finally laid eyes on the four boys who were now yelling at each other, shaggy hair, that fit the times, and dirty clothes, gangly limbs that couldn’t seem to stop growing and a couple of hairs on their faces that they all seemed rather proud of.

Her eyes widened as James threw something at Sirius, a sent of red sparks going off and causing Sirius to jump in the air with a hiss, silver eyes narrowing at the chuckling boy, only to grin when Dora let out an amused laugh and four pairs of eyes were staring at the girls.

Nymphadora Tonks was like the worlds best Pepper up potion, there was just no way to be mad around her when she spent most of her time giggling and clapping. Five months old and already the group of young teenagers were wrapped around her pudgy little finger...except for Peter and Remus who offered tense smiles and kept their distance.

Peter because Dora spent her time crying whenever the chubby watery eyed boy came her way and Remus because...well because he seemed to think it was better to keep a distance to everyone but his friends.

Hermione wanted to tell him it wasn’t necessary but perhaps it was for the best. She want sure what the outcome would be if Remus had spent his childhood days holding a baby that was supposed to be his wife, it might just make things more awkward than they needed to be. So instead she kept them as apart as she could and offered him small smiles.

“Hello Hermione, to what do we owe the pleasure of your scathing glare and wicked arse?” Sirius asked as he deepened his voice and raised an eyebrow at her, flinching when James’ hand connected with the back of his best friends head. “Ow!”

“You deserved that, never talk about or look at my sisters arse again.” James spoke slowly, like he was talking to a child as Hermione rolled her eyes and stepped further into the garden and closer to the boys, sending a glare to Peter as he tried to move closer to her and not even fighting the smirk when he let out a little yelp and scurried to stand beside Remus.

“If you want I can look at yours, pretty flat though, I think I prefer your sisters.”

“You mean your cousins?”

“Man, come on – if we by those rules then I would never be able to look at a witch again!”

“He has a point there.”

“Thank you Remus and plus - “

“Merlin, would you all just shut up.” Hermione snapped, her cheeks felt like they were burning and the boys seemed to have forgotten she was stood there and listening to them. “If any of you talk about me like that again then you all better pray that you find somewhere quick to hide because I will find you and it will be painful.” A sweet smile made it’s way to her face as she looked at all the boys, making sure to stare longer at Peter.

“Can’t say I’m not curious, love, what will this revenge entail?” The smirk on Sirius’ face fell quickly as Hermione pulled out her wand and sent a small stinging hex to his stomach, grinning at he let out a hiss and sent her a glare. “Yeah, I deserved that.”

Dora let out a loud squeal of happiness, reaching for Sirius who happily took her and nuzzled his face into her now wavy black hair, mumbling something under his breath that none of them could hear but all assumed he was complaining about them. James glared at him, arms crossed over his chest and all but pouting that he couldn’t do anything now his friend was holding the baby.

They stayed like that for a few minutes until Dora was handed back and the boys were off playing again, throwing beaten up charmed quaffles between them and snorting when it would magically burn one of their hands. Dora seemed to find it more amusing than the grass Hermione was pulling from the ground and placing in the baby’s hair.

Hermione was happy to sit here, to indulge in the childish happiness for a few hours and let the surprisingly warm sun wash away the cold from her nightmares. It was easy for her to forget everything she knew and just be the thirteen year old she was supposed to be.

“I don’t care if Amos offered me all the galleons in the world, he is not dating my sister!” Hermione frowned as she looked up to see a red faced James throwing the quaffle towards Peters head.

Hermione frowned as she picked up Dora, walking towards the boys and wincing when the ball hit Peter on his forehead. Well she agreed that Amos was a complete tosser who spent most of his time leering at her, it didn’t mean she wanted to be spoke about.

Sirius watched her with wide eyes, moving towards James but her brother was on a tangent. “My sister won’t be dating anyone, I’m looking at you Sirius, she is too young and I won’t allow it.” His voice rose further until he was almost yelling the words at his friends, focusing more on Sirius who seemed to be in some sort of shock.

“You won’t allow it?” She could almost see James gulp as he turned around slowly to face her with hands held up in front of his chest and an awkward smile on his face.

“Mi’ - “

“You know James, I don’t remember asking for your opinion or permission on this subject.” Hermione hissed out, passing Dora to Sirius who stared between the two with a wide grin on his face as Hermione stalked closer to her brother and poked a small finger into his chest. “But if it makes you happy, little brother, then keep thinking you have some control over my life.” She smiled sweetly and stood on her tiptoes to pat his head.

James gave her a glare as he pushed away her hand. “We are the same age – but fine I’ll make a deal with you – when Peter gets a girlfriend then I will consider letting you date, as long as it isn’t him.” Peter made a sound of protest that everyone ignored as James turned to point at Sirius, who just shrugged and gave them both a smile.

“Consider letting me?”

“Oh no.” Remus muttered behind a hand, trying to hide his smile as James took a step away from his sister.

“James Fleamont Potter, you don’t have to consider anything – as you aware I am more than capable of making my own choices, and frankly if I waited until Peter found a girlfriend then I would die alone...sorry Pettigrew.” She threw it out as an after thought, ignoring the cry the small boy made, sending him a look over his shoulder to let him know that she wasn’t sorry at all.

“Now listen Mi’, my beautiful sister, I didn’t mean to imply that - No please!” He cried, turning and running towards the trees as Hermione chased after him, a grin on her face and a burning in her legs that she hadn’t felt in a long time.

It was almost peaceful to be able to act like a child again, to chase her brother and giggling to herself when he tripped over his own lanky feet, landing sprawled out in the middle of the garden. A groan left his mouth as she sat herself on his back, reaching forward to pat the messy head and chuckling when he tried to move but gave up after a second.

“Someone please help me.” He turned to face his friends, glasses lopsided and hand trying to reach out, only for a cry to leave his mouth as Hermione flicked his ear.

“You got yourself into this mess, mate, you’ve got to get yourself out of it.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side, traitor.” James snapped at Remus, pouting out his bottom lip as his friend simply shrugged his shoulders and sat himself on the ground. “Fine, Peter, help me out.” The smaller boy let out a little squeak but tried to move closer, freezing in his spot as Hermione shot him a glare.

“Come any closer and I will hex you.”

“I think – I – James is really sorry.” Peter spoke, his voice high and his hands playing with the front of his shirt but he stayed where he was and ignored James’ groan of disapproval. “He didn’t mean what he said!”

“Do you just spend your days doing what other people say or do you actually have a backbone?” Hermione snapped harshly as the boy shrunk into himself and the whole fun of the situation seemed to disappear in an instant, replaced instead by her own anger.

“Of course I can - “

“Do those Slytherins you spend time with boss you around too?” Her question was asked innocently enough, a frown on her face and a smile threatening to appear as all eyes focused on the watery eyed boy who looked a second away from passing out or vomiting.

“Slytherins?” The boys asked at once, James lifting up to rest on his elbows as he stared at the boy with a frown. “What are you doing with Slytherin’s, Pete?” Although his voice was soft, there was a hard edge to it, one that had come with the past two years of school feeding into the rivalry between the two houses and refusing to see past the green and silver.

The only Slytherin that had been off limits was Regulus. An unspoken understanding that they left the boy alone and all but ignored his existence.

“Please tell me you are pulling some sort of elaborate prank.” Sirius offered, like he was letting his friend have an out as he bounced Dora from side to side and focused on the baby’s head instead as she babbled to him about something.

Peter twitched and Hermione smiled at him, raising her eyebrow as she waited for him to come up with some sort of excuse. She had been trying for the past two years to say something to the boys that would make them view their friend as something different but it had been hard. James was as loyal as a dog and Sirius followed his lead, and Remus wasn’t going to throw away the friends he had taken so long to trust.

There was only so much she could do, especially since the four shared a room and seemed content to forget everything she had ever said. Keeping Peter in their little circle like he had always meant to be there, but she would be damned if in eight years time the little rat was the secret keeper that betrayed them all.

“I – um – I… I just, needed to ask them for homework?” The group stared at him with matching frowns before turning to each other with matching looks of uncertainty.

“Pete, you can’t be fuc-”

“Time for lunch.” Andromeda appeared in the doorway before Sirius could finish his sentence, her eyes landed on the siblings with a smile before settling on her baby who waved at her mother and matched her hair to the beautiful black waves.

“Oh they were just play fighting.”

“Relax Remus, it’s nothing they haven’t done before – though Sirius if I ever hear you nearly swear in front of my daughter again I will channel Aunt Walburga and kick your arse.” She smirked at her cousin as Sirius shivered in his spot and muttered something under his breath. “Now inside, all of you!”

Hermione couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face as her cousin channelled Euphemia instead, clapping her hands loudly and ordering them around with a grin on her face, patting them all on the back as they passed her by the door before she was clutching her baby and making noises at the sixth month old.

...

The summer seemed to pass faster than normal until only a week remained, both Remus and Peter having to leave for ‘family reasons’, Sirius and James haven’t spent the rest of their holiday muttering under the breaths and retreating to James’ bedroom with books. It hadn’t taken Hermione two minutes to figure out they were trying to become Animagus and so she left them to it.

Instead she spent her days with her mother, the evening with her father and the weekends with Andy and Dore, walking discreetly around London and indulging in the Muggle ways. They had spent their day laughing at the strange Muggle things they found in the market, Hermione finding peace in a life that had once been hers.

Until they stopped at a small cafe, taking their seats and humming over the cakes and coffees that were placed in front of them and the orange juice that Dora seemed to find fascinating to place her hand inside to grab the little bits of pulp.

“Are you excited to go back?” Andy asked as she dusted off her hands of the scone and once again wiped her daughters hands with a napkin, eyes scanning the strange Muggles that came in and spoke loudly to each other. “Third year is always interesting, all the new classes and different people.” A small smile appeared on the woman’s face as Hermione raised her eyebrows.

“Is that when you met Ted?” Hermione had to ask as she bit into her own food and grinned when Andy blushed and hid her face behind her hair.

“That and for the first time after two years I could have a couple of classes without Slyther- without my own prejudiced house.” She cut herself off as a worker got too close and gave Hermione a look. She nodded her head in agreement. Muggle studies did wonders to keep the pureblooded Slytherins away.

“Well unless they hate Arithmancy and Ancient Runes, then I don’t think I’ll have the same luck as you.”

“You didn’t want to do Muggle Studies or Care of Magical Creatures?” Andy asked as they whispered across the table, though they both knew they shouldn’t be talking about this in such a Muggle setting, it was nice to know that Andy was aware Hermione would never even consider Divination. “That seems right up your alley.”

“I have Lily and Remus for those sort of things, and other than watching James and Sirius freak out over a pen, I just don’t have any interest in the subject.” Hermione shrugged, staring at her coffee to avoid the curious eyes, she couldn’t admit that her head was already filled with the Muggle world and everything it offered. “As for the creatures thing, Kettleburn seems a bit unhinged and I don’t want to be eaten by a Hippogriff.”

Andy let out a laugh and nodded her head in agreement. Kettleburn was already missing half of his limbs and his pushing approach to have children stroke dangerous animals rivalled Hagrids, their love of dangerous creatures just didn’t seem worth the possible pain of dealing with said creatures.

A sigh left her mouth as she thought about Hagrid. She hadn’t, in all honesty, given him much thought this time around, mainly because she wasn’t even sure how to begin. He had been Harry’s friend first and thus hers and Rons, but this time around he was a gatekeeper who waved to everyone and was more than content to let them be.

And she was trying to live a life without the hassle. Less classes, less time spent being a know-it-all and more time spent enjoying her friends and family’s time. It didn’t mean she didn’t miss the friendly giant sometimes though.

“So…” Hermione looked up from her thoughts as Andy grinned at her and leaned forward onto her elbows and Hermione already knew what was coming. “You’re getting to a certain age, should I be worried about you bringing a boyfriend home for Christmas?”

“I’m thirteen.”

“Almost fourteen, and if I remember rightly, your friend Marlene was twelve when she had her first boyfriend.” Andy spoke, sipping her coffee and winking over the cup as Hermione scrunched up her forehead and rolled her eyes at the thought of her blond best friend and her list of ‘boyfriends’.

“Marlene is crazy.” Hermione spoke deadpanned, waving her hand and shaking her head as she thought about the last letter from Marlene detailing her need to get back to Hogwarts and away from her family.

“Mi’, it’s completely normal to have crushes and perhaps a kiss or two at this age – in fact I wouldn’t surprised if it happened with a certain black haired individual.” Andy smirked as she pulled a face at Dora as the baby tried to pull the hat off her hand, frowning when she couldn’t manage to do so and letting out an annoyed cry.

“That could be anyone, but I really hope you don’t mean James.” Hermione pointed out although she knew exactly who Andromeda was referring to and she really didn’t want to get into this.

"That’s disgusting, of course not.” Andy pulled a face and shook her head before she was speaking again, seeming to find joy in Hermione’s discomfort. Sneaky Slytherins. “I was on about the other black haired boy you spend time with.”

“Sirius?” Hermione asked innocently, hoping that her cousin was somehow talking about someone else or that for some reason she thought Remus had black hair, that would easier to wave away. “Why – why – why would you think that?” Hermione asked slightly too loudly as a few people turned to look their way.

“Are you blushing?”

“He’s my cousin, I don’t even know why you would suggest that.” Hermione hissed as the waitress passed them again, laughing loudly with a customer – she doubted that they would take too kindly to this sort of conversation even if it was legal and more common than they knew.

“No he’s my cousin, your second cousin which is nothing considering you are probably second cousins with the majority of Hogwarts.” Andy pointed out with raised eyebrows and the same evil little smirk that said cousin often had on his face. Perhaps it was a Black thing to spend their days teasing the people closest to them.

“I’ll give you that but still – he’s my brothers best friend and he all but lives in my house.”

“All I’m hearing are excuses.” Her voice raised and her hands brushed against her skirt as she leaned back in her seat and offered a much kinder smile. “Relax Hermione, I’m joking around, though I imagine you’ll have to fight off the boys with a beaters bat this year.” Hermione groaned and rested her head on the table while her cousin let out a laugh.

…

Saturday the 1st of September 1973

King Cross was always busy, full of people heading to work or off to see their family, it didn’t matter if it was a weekend or a week day. Most of them didn’t care for the students walking through the station with their robes, owls and trunks, but there were some who watched them with curious eyes, whispering to other people and pointing at the strange robes.

Hermione couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up inside her as she heard some Northern woman comment to her friend ‘Only in London, eh Margaret’, and then they were back on their way without a second thought.

The Potters were a strange family even to the Wizarding world, a group of Purebloods who didn’t care how they looked or who they were seen with, an adopted daughter, and two Purebloods who came from the highest standing Wizarding family all but living in their house. Plus the eight month old baby, who was once again forced to wear a hat, and her changing appearance.

“Hurry up, we don’t want to be late now do we.” Euphemia spoke hurriedly as she rushed towards the barrier behind James, Andromeda and Dora following quickly. Hermione let out a sigh as she ran towards the wall, closing her eyes like she always did in fear that one day she would just end up running face first into a wall.

A sigh left her mouth as she opened her eyes, letting the smile take over her face as she once again looked around Platform 9 ¾. The scarlet train standing like a work of art as people climbed aboard, waving their hands at their families and younger siblings. It was always a sight to behold, a thrill running through her that she would be going back.

A yell sounded from behind her, her trolley slipping away from her grasp as her legs buckled with another pair and Crookshanks let out a hiss. A hand cupped the back of her head, stopping it from hitting the stone floor beneath them, her own reaching out to try and slow her fall but collapsing under the sudden weight half resting on top of her.

It took a second to register, a hiss leaving her mouth, but her own eyes met the silver own of Sirius and her whole face felt like it had been hit with an Incendia. He offered her a gentle smile, hissing himself when he pulled his hand away from the back of her head and moved his face away from hers, like he needed more distance between them.

“Oi!” A voice shouted, heads turning to see James storming toward them. “Get off my sister, you prick.”

James didn’t wait for them to respond, all but throwing Sirius off of Hermione so he could pull her back to her feet and push her protectively behind her as he glared at his best friend and ignored their laughing mother, who brushed Hermione’s back, and a grinning Andromeda.

“You’re lucky my dad isn’t here.” James added as a second grumbled, grabbing Hermione’s trunk and throwing Crookshanks case into her arms, he couldn’t help the smirk on his face as he reached up to touch a red cheek. She pushed his hand away and took a step backwards, clutching the case tightly to her chest and avoiding everyones eyes.

“I better – I need to go find my friends.” Hermione mumbled under her breath, kissing her mother and Dora on the cheek and sending Andy a glare as she began to move away. “Love you all – erm make sure to tell dad too...and I will see you at Christmas.” And with that she was gone, ignoring the teasing looks and smiles and all but running onto the train with just her cat, leaving James to sort out her trunk.

…

“So let me get this straight, you’re this red because Sirius tripped and landed on top of you?” Marlene giggled as she sat across from her friend in the compartment, reaching out to poke her friends face and chuckling again when Hermione slapped her hand away.

She hadn’t known what she was thinking in telling Marlene but it wasn’t like she had a lot of people her own age to talk about this with. Lily would be a blushing mess too. But Marlene had grown up with four brothers and had had more boyfriends than any of them, not that she had gone that far, but it helped to have someone ore informed.

What she didn’t count on was with how little seriousness the now shoulder length blond would take it, nor how her icy blue eyes would melt in amusement. “I honestly don’t see the problem..well unless we are counting the relation between you both.”

Hermione fixed her with a stare and clucked her tongue in her mouth. “It’s a problem because...because well...you can’t just do that to anyone.” Her words stumbled over each other as she tried to find a way to explain the problem to a furrowed eyebrow Marlene.

“It wasn’t like he did it intentionally...you know he didn’t just jump on you, though judging by the blush I doubt you would mind that.” Marlene teased as she leaned forward to rest her head on her hands and grinned at her best friend when Hermione choked on her water. “I just have to ask that you refrain from doing anything...you know, too adult.”

“Merlin, Marly I’m thirteen.” Hermione cried out, leaving out the part where she was nearly fourteen as her cheeks heated up again.

“That didn’t stop Pollux Black from getting married and having a child a year later now, did it?” Marlene raised her eyebrows as she question though she grimaced and shook her head, waving her hand as though waving away the creepy relatives of Hermione’s. “Forget that, that sounded like encouragement and I am not encouraging you to do anything more than perhaps a couple of pecks and a snog.” She grinned and winked as Hermione sank lower in her seat. “Though I never pegged you as someone who would join his fan club.”

“I haven’t!”

“You are so crushing on Sirius Black, it is obvious so just grab his face and lay one on him, boys probably got enough skill to - “

“Who’s face are we grabbing and laying one on?” The girls jumped as the four boys sat themselves down in the compartment, Sirius frowning as he sat beside her and looked between the two girls who both kept their mouths shut and thanked Merlin the first half of their conversation hadn’t been heard.

“You better be talking about yourself McKinnon because I’m not going through this with Hermione again.” James muttered as Marlene raised her eyebrows and looked back to her friend for an explanation only to receive a glare and a shake of curls. The blond smiled and looked to Remus who just shook his head before she frowned at Peter as he leered at her.

Marlene let out a sigh, clasping her hands together and smiling sweetly. “Of course we are, your sister is far too sweet to take part in the frivolous activities I often take part in.” James let out a scoff and glared at his sister, eyes widening when a flash of green eyes and auburn hair stopped outside their compartment for two seconds before it was moving again.

Hermione pulled her brother down as he moved towards the door, gesturing for Marlene to stand up as they made to follow instead. “Stay here please, no point upsetting her more by having you drool all over her.”

“I don’t drool.” James cried as the girls made their way out of the compartment, cringing as James’ voice carried down the hallway. “Why do you think Evans hates me?”

Sirius scoffed, as the girls drifted further away, his voice quiet as they strained to hear it. “Mate, you wanna get into that now?"

Hermione let out a sigh, sending a look to a thin smiled Marlene as they followed behind their friend, pushing their way through the crowd and noise. There was so much she wanted to tell James, like one day he would have the girl of his dreams but she couldn’t, and she wouldn’t be responsible for pushing them further apart or rushing them together. It had to happen naturally.

“Lil’.” Marlene called when the girl look over her shoulder, eyes turning wide and feet seeming to hurry forward until she was blocked by some sixth years having conversations and forced to turn and face her friends as they stared at her in concern. “What’s wrong? Where were you going, you like literally walked past our compartment?”

Lily pursed her lips, her eyes flashing with annoyance as her eyes drifted back down the hallway, Hermione turning her head to see a head of messy hair staring at them and then ducking back inside when he realised he had been caught. Hermione understood the reluctance to sit with James but Hermione had always been willing to kick her brother out so her closest friend could sit with them before she went to find Snape for the last couple of hours.

“I was contemplating sitting with Jenny and Emmeline.” Lily explained between clenched teeth as Marlene made a sound of disgust. Though the girls had been in the same dorm for the past two years, the had been a divide between them – the three of them not able to find common ground with the stuck up, two faced witches. “Do you have a problem with that Marlene?”

“Yes!” Marlene cried, quickly sending a glare to the group as turned to look at her. “They are the most annoying people I’ve ever met, and you seen my brothers.” She added as an after thought, a quick grin on her face as Hermione rolled her eyes.

Lily nodded her head as though she agreed before she looked over her shoulders at a flash of Hufflepuff robes. “Maybe I’ll sit with Alice and Frank then, they’re always nice enough.” Hermione couldn’t disagree, Alice was always welcoming and Frank was kind to everybody. “Maybe if you weren't sitting with them - “ She said the words with distaste as Hermione frowned.

“Careful Lily.” Hermione muttered to her friend with a frown, despite her general annoyance towards them they were her friends and her brother and she wasn’t going to let no one speak like they were trash unless it was Peter.

“Oh Merlin, Hermione we have only been on this train for one hour and yet Severus has been jinxed and is refusing to talk me.” Lily cried and Hermione frowned.

It always came down to Snape and the boys between them, it didn’t matter how good of friends they were, how much time they spent together or how little they refused to talk about the actual problem, they both knew that Hermione would choose her brother and Lily would choose her friend, even if the redhead didn’t want to admit that Snape was going downhill and fast.

Fiercely loyal was what Lily Evans was, and even if Hermione wanted to scream in her face, to tell her everything that would happen and what Snape would become, who he was now and how eager he was to join a group determined to kill his best friend, she knew it would do no good. Lily would figure it out, she had to figure it out herself.

It didn’t stop her from trying one last time though, from trying to make her friend see reason before one of them walked away. “Snape isn’t as innocent as he claims, if I remember rightly then he was the reason James’ nose was bleeding at the end of second year.” Lily’s eyes flickered and her brow furrowed like she was trying to remember and was coming up blank.

“Or maybe your arrogant brother walked into a wall while trying to admire his reflection.” Hermione raised her eyebrows and tried not to nod her head in agreement, she had seen him do it many times and it got funnier each time. “But what of course you would believe whatever lies they tell you.”

“Just like you do with Snape?” Hermione asked with a raised eyebrow as Lily let out a scoff and shook her head, ready to talk again but Hermione continued over her. “Difference being Lily, is that I know my brother and friends, I know what they do but you...if you want to paint some pretty picture of Snape, then be my guest, who am I to stop you.” She let out a little laugh, shaking her head and moving back to her compartment where she was sure she would find the four boys eager for the gossip.

Her feet stumbled as she heard the soft voice of Marlene behind her. “I know you have some bad blood with James and the rest of them but they are good people and Snape...he has lied to you Lily.” Hermione let out a sigh as Lily squeaked in protest but then Marlene was speaking again, even softer this time, like speaking to a five year old. “He showed you this world, he was your first friend, but he isn’t your only friend and you can’t keep making excuses for him.”

...

Hermione didn’t care for clapping for the new first years, she didn’t care for cheering like her brothers and friends when they joined their table. She didn’t care for the dinner before her but instead was more than content to glare at Snape where he sat speaking to his friends, unaware of the bad mood she he had put her in and the distance he had now created between her and Lily.

That’s probably what he wanted. He had no doubt spent the summer whispering in her ear, trying to keep her for himself after she spent the past year all but glued to Hermione’s side. What a tosser.

It wasn’t like it was the first time she had fallen out with someone, Merlin knows she spent more time fighting with Ron than actually being friends with him, but with Lily it was different.

Lily had been everything she had every wanted in a friend without even realising. It hurt that she wouldn’t even look at her now, that she was fine sitting away from her friends and content with sitting beside Alice. Hermione had honestly thought they had been closer than that, that she had spent enough time around the girl for her to tell Snape to shove his greasy arse up his head and let them be friends without another comment.

Clearly Hermione had been wrong.

Brown eyes met black ones, a satisfied smirk on his, and she wondered if anyone would notice if she hexed Snape’s tongue to the rough of his mouth. A sigh left her mouth as she noticed Regulus looking between the pair with a frown, clearly catching onto something and forcing her to look away.

“ - Owens gone, I’ll have a better chance of making beater.” Hermione looked away from the shier, bright blue eyed Black and back to her food, tuning into the conversation his brother had going instead as she stabbed the potatoes on her plate.

"Keep eating like that Black, and you won't be able to get on your broom." The boys laughed and Sirius even chuckled to himself as Marlene spoke sarcastically.

It was lucky that Sirius had taken it like the joke it was meant to be but Hermione couldn’t help but think of another boy who spent his time at Hogwarts shoving food in his mouth like he wasn’t sure when he would get his next meal. Her heart ached as she tried to shy away from the idea that Walburga and Orion were starving Sirius like Harry had been.

And yet she wouldn’t be surprised. Sirius spent his days trying to displease his family and had proudly proclaimed that he would marry a Muggleborn just to spite his mother, and she knew despite his cocky attitude there was always punishments that followed.

“Her-my-own-knee.” A hand waved in front of her face and she blinked again, staring at Sirius as he smirked at her and raised an eyebrow before turning to grin at James. “See she doesn’t think I’m getting fat, in fact she was transfixed by my beautiful face.” He winked, running his hands through his hair while he grinned.

“What?”

“Don’t be shy, we are among friends and can be honest.” He reached over the table as he spoke softly, reaching out to hold her chin between his thumb and forefinger before blowing her a kiss.

Hermione felt her cheeks heat up, her breath coming back to her as Sirius let go and tried to defend himself from the roast potato that was thrown his way only to have it hit him in the head with a thump.

“Don't touch her." James snapped, pointing a finger and eyes blazing as Sirius wiped the remained of potato off his face and then smirked as he reached out to rest his hand on Hermione’s while James all but growled at him and picked up his knife. "Mate, do you want me to throw my knife at you?" He raised it in warning, smirking when Sirius pulled his hand away.

“Please do it, I’ve never want anything more.” Remus cried, letting out a laugh when a piece of food came flying at his head and ended up hitting a Hufflepuff, who glared at them and muttered under their breath.

“Mr Black and Mr Potter, you are back not two hours and yet you are already causing trouble, I didn’t think we have a detention so early in the year.” Despite the sternness in her voice, her green eyes twinkled with amusement and her lips fought to keep in a smile.

Sirius grinned cheekily at the older woman, deepening his voice as he spoke. “You know, as long as I spend it with you Minnie then I’m not complaining.”

“Unfortunately for you Mr Black, it seems Mr Filch was rather eager to be the one to carry out your punishments until the end of Hogwarts.” McGonagall smirked at Sirius’ face dropped and he turned his head to look at the care taker stroking his cat with a sick grin on his face as he eyed the boy like fresh meat.

“Wait – I mean - “

“He will see you tomorrow evening after dinner.” The group snickered as Sirius threw up his arms in the air and let out a groan, glaring at his friends like they were the problem, until James let out a squeak when a hand was placed on his shoulder. “You too Mr Potter.”

“What did I do? This is your fault!” James pointed to Sirius, who let out a chuckle as James’ mouth dropped open and he turned to glare at the teacher as she walked away, looking quite satisfied with herself. “Mums going to kill me.”

“Welcome to the club, my dear mother has been trying for years.” Sirius spoke with a grin, poking James’ side as the boy grumbled something at him and glared down at his plate. “Now if you’ll excuse me, some Ravenclaw is giving me the eye and I feel I should introduce myself.” He didn’t wait for them to answer, scurrying up from his seat and swaggering towards the eagles.

No one spoke as they watched him fall beside the witch, leaning back onto the table with his elbows and offering her a wink. Hermione crinkled her nose in disgust, he wasn’t even fourteen yet and he was already filled with confidence enough to speak to girls, who knew what he was going to be like in a couple of years when hormones really hit him.

“Careful, green isn’t a good colour on you.” Marlene muttered, elbowing Hermione in the side as she returned her eyes to the table, blushing when she caught James’ stare and frowning in confusion when something flickered over Remus’ face, a sigh leaving his mouth.

…

"Happy to be back, Miss Potter?" Hermione refused to meet his eyes. Personally she didn’t want to be in his office again but he had made a point to speak to her during the ends and starts of the school year, as though it would clear any animosity between them. If anything it just annoyed Hermione more. “I was rather surprised at your electives this year, I thought you would be interested in Muggle Studies and Divination.”

He let things unsaid between them and Hermione turned to look at those twinkling blue eyes. “Given the fact that a part of me is a Muggleborn time traveller?” She raised her eyebrow as he nodded his head. “I think then it stands to reason why I have no interest learning about Televisions and staring into crystal balls.”

“Ah, I suppose Miss Granger was well aware of our Divination classes?”

“She didn’t happen to find enjoyment in guessing the future, for we both know it can change with a simple choice.” Hermione smiled sweetly, playing with the curls that fell over her shoulders as she concentrated on the man. “And Muggle studies is nothing more than playing with a few objects and trying to teach the function of a 50 pence.” She waved her hand in the air and shrugged her shoulders as Dumbledore hummed.

“Your electives count towards your O.W.Ls and more importantly your N.E.W.Ts, it may be wise to consider taking the classes for any possible job.” He spoke lowly and offered her a smile as Hermione rolled her eyes and slumped further into the chair.

“I hardly think that I am going to become some Muggle seeing Seer in the future, Professor.”

Dumbledore let out a chuckle as though he was positively amused by her before he leaned forward. “Well my dear, what is it you want to do?”

“I believe this is a conversation I will have with my Head of House in my fifth year.” Hermione mumbled as she sat up straighter and frowned at the thought, before she had wanted to work in the Ministry, to change laws surrounding Magical beings, but now she felt lost and unsure. “There are too many things to do before I decide a career for the rest of my life.” She looked at him knowingly and watched as he bobbed his head.

“You are in no rush, Miss Potter.” His words were sharper than before and she couldn’t figure out if he was talking about her career or what she was hinting at. “I refuse to tell you once again why you must settle down and enjoy your life.” In both her lives she had never heard him sound so frustrated, it only pushed her own anger further into her clouded mind.

“And I refuse to tell you again why we can’t just sit on our arses instead of doing something and ending this quicker.” It must have looked strange, a small almost fourteen year old girl pointing a finger at one of the most powerful Wizards in history without caring, without an inch of healthy respect and fear in her eyes.

“I am the adult here, yes you hold the information, but I will not drag a child so eager to prove their worth to the front of the battle without so much of a plan.” He hissed at her, before his brows furrowed as she seethed in her anger before him.

Her whole body felt alight, her mind was darkening and her hands itching. The office seemed much darker than before, Dumbledore a grey tainted outline frowning at his candles, Fawkes squawking as a trinket feel on the floor behind him. He turned to look at her once again, waving his hands and bringing back the light, a question on his face.

“I suggest you find a plan before I do, Sir.” She spoke the words like venom, turning on her heel and marching from the office and leaving him there staring after her. Her hand waved, slamming the door behind her as she let out a deep breath and frowned.

...

07/09/1973

Dear Harry,

It’s been a long time since I wrote to you, not that you’ll ever read any of these letters and maybe it’s sad for me to pretend that you get these instead of them just sitting in the bottom of my trunk, but sometimes it just helps and makes you feel not so far away.

I count down some days for the day you’ll get here, and other days I wonder if I am going to screw everything up and end up without my best friend. I know if you were here though you would tell me to enjoy Hogwarts with the constant yearly threat, it’s what Dumbledore says too but I just feel useless.

Your mother is all but refusing to speak to me, though she did say goodnight followed by closing her curtains. We seem to be in some kind of argument, except...I don’t know how to deal with it. With Ron it was always let it blow out and eventually we would speak after some near death experience, but I never fought with Lily before and it kind of hurts more than I thought it would.

Marlene says I should let it be, that Lily will figure it out and we should give her time but I guess I am too much the Potter now because I find myself feeling rather impatient for that day. Your father seems to think it’s funny, that she seems to hate us both now, but I think he’s secretly hoping that this will make her soften towards him. He is so smitten, it’s actually quite funny.

Speaking of your father, he already has his second detention. He thought it would be funny to put dungbombs in Filchs coat, it didn’t take a genius to find out who it might be which meant all of them plus Fabian and Gideon were placed in detention. If it makes it better, they all seem fine with it and are currently planning their next attack. You would love it.

I miss you, and one day I hope I can tell you all of this, everything that happened at Hogwarts – I promise I will do everything I can to save your parents, to save my family. That while we might not be best friends, that I can at least be the best aunt for you, that despite everything I will be there.

I love you,

Hermione Potter.