Birthdays
Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it's faced. - James Baldwin
Sunday the 19th of September 1971
Hermione had never been a fan of loud noises, through war and what Hermione Potter had gone through, she just couldn’t seem to handle them any more. It caused her to grip her wand a bit tighter and her eyes to scan everywhere.
Even if she knew she was safe in the Gryffindor tower, in her own bed and the light was shining in to show the early morning. Her wand was already in her hand and her eyes were wide as she scanned the girls before her, the laughter falling from their mouths as they looked elsewhere, allowing her to lower her wand without them even noticing.
Her truck had been tipped sideways, the culprit of the noise that had woke her up, Lily half sat on the floor beside it and Marlene bent over in laughter, her hand clutching her stomach and her eyes closed while Lily chortled to herself.
“Good morning...what happened?” Hermione asked with narrowed eyes, her eyes flickering to Jenny and Emmeline where they stood getting ready for the day together, mouths pursed and eyes practically rolled into the backs of their heads.
“I was coming to wake you up.” Lily explained, a grin still on her face as she straightened the truck and placed the items that had been on top of it back into their places.
“Why?”
There seemed to be some sort of unspoken message between the two other girls, Lily’s top teeth digging into her bottom lip as she pulled herself from the floor and sat herself on the bed. Emmeline let out a sigh, rolling her eyes once again and left the room, Jenny skipping behind her and leaving the three girls alone as Marlene reached behind her and pulled out a wrapped present.
“This from us.” She handed it to Hermione, icy blue eyes on her despite the confused frown. “We heard James and Sirius talking about presents for you so we asked them when your birthday was.” Hermione let her mouth fall open as she stared down at the poorly wrapped gift in what looked like spare parchment paper and some string.
It had barely been three weeks of knowing each other, and though they were friends, Hermione hadn’t even expected a gift, not from them anyway. She couldn’t help the grin that made it’s way to her face as she raised an eyebrow at Lily.
“You actually spoke to James?” She couldn’t help but tease as Lily pursed her lips and nodded her head before letting out a sigh and grabbing something else from the end of the bed.
“Actually Marlene did because she seems to think that bully Severus isn’t a big thing.” Lily shot at the blond haired girl who rolled her eyes and sat down on the bed next to Hermione’s, crossing her legs and shrugging her shoulders. “This is from your parents.” Lily added, passing the letter and the small present to Hermione.
Hermione let out her own sigh and kept her thoughts to herself as she read the letter, leaving it between the two others girls. “That’s because Snape gives it as good as he gets.”
She couldn’t help but nod her head slightly in agreement with Marlene. Three weeks into school and already Snape and James, plus Sirius, hated one another with a passion. There was constant pranks, remarks and maybe even a couple of tame jinxes thrown plus a letter from her mother about why James had his first detention after only a week at school.
But Snape was a complicated character, one she couldn’t decide what to do with. She didn’t know the ins and outs of Lily and his relationship, only when it seemed to have ended and why, but now he was an eleven year old child with a huge crush and an obsession with the Dark Arts. He wasn’t the potions master who bullied children nor the double agent. She could only hope his path would sway without her getting involved in the slightest.
“Listen Lil’, Marlene’s not lying- “ Hermione spoke, cutting across the girls as they bickered back and forth, things becoming quickly heated. “ - but I’ll speak to James and see if he can lay off a bit, no promises though.” She pointed out as she opened the present from the pair of them, smiling at the simple but beautiful beaded bracelet, placing on it her wrist and showing it to each of the girls.
...
Birthdays had never been a big thing for Hermione, most of the time in her old life they had been left forgotten by her friends in favour of something else – though she never told them that, and her parents hadn’t known what to send or get her and instead celebrated with her before she left. It had left her feeling like the day was just another one.
Until she came here, well moved in with the Potters. It seemed birthdays for them were big occasions that required cakes and enough presents to fill her bed. A whole day about Hermione.
Once she would have hated that but now she kind of missed it. Waking up this morning had been amazing, to see friends willing to spend it with her, to have a family that sent her a letter and a beautiful necklace with a sapphire inside but it was nothing like her last four birthdays and she missed her parents more than anything.
There was so much she missed. Euphemia would say she shouldn’t be sad on her birthday, that sitting alone on the Astronomy tower and watching the sky turn beautiful shades of orange, purple and pink was far too serious when she could be eating cake and chocolates with her friends. But Hermione Granger would say that a bit of alone contemplation never hurt anybody.
The cold air and beautiful sky was doing wonders to calm her racing thoughts and aching heart, though she couldn’t help the small smile that made it’s way to her face as the door opened behind her.
“What are you doing up here?” He asked, feet slapping against the stone as he moved towards her, she didn’t look over her shoulder but instead kept her gaze on the sky and she felt him sink beside her.
“I knew you’d find me.” She finally turned to look at him, hazel eyes glinting behind his glasses and his legs stretching beside her own, though much longer. She couldn’t help the smile on her face as she looked quickly over her shoulder. “No one else came with you?” It was weird to see him with Sirius, or nowadays Remus and Peter trailing behind the two.
“Actually I had a bit of surprise going in the Common Room but then I remembered that you have never been one for big events filled with people you don’t know, so I thought we could spend some sibling time together instead.” He spoke softly to her, nudging his shoulder against hers and looking out at the sky while she stared at him.
Her brother was many things, a bully and arrogant if Lily was to say anything, but to Hermione he was everything she had ever wanted from a sibling. It didn’t matter that they didn’t have the same parents biologically, nor that they had only spent the past five years together, because she couldn’t imagine her life without him there any more.
“Thank you.” She whispered as she threw her arms around him, eyes filling with tears when she felt his arm reach around her back to hug her closer. “Thank you for being a good brother.”
He pulled back a bit, looking down at her face with a frown. “For cancelling the party I was throwing for you? You know I had a cake and presents down there, right? Should I just get rid of them too, since you seem to think they aren’t necessary.”
“Well perhaps we could keep the cake and I guess presents would be nice too.” Her face was straight as she looked at him, pulling away fully to watch as his mouth craved a crooked grin and his hand reached into his pocket, pulling out a beautifully wrapped rectangle, smirking when he pulled it out of her reach. “Can I have my present please?”
He dropped it into her hands and grinned as she opened it. “You know mum and dad have spoilt you far too much, what happened to the Hermione who never expected gifts?” She let out a chuckle and grinned down at the book on her lap, one she had been after for a while but could never quite seem to find anywhere.
“She got spoilt – though seriously, thank you for this.”
He just nodded his head and went back to staring at sky, seeming content to sit beside her in the darkening night while she flicked through the book. He didn’t seem in a rush to go back down to his friends who he knew were probably waiting for him and she could honestly say she was quite comfortable up here.
“Lily’s mad at you.” Fell out of her mouth before she could stop it, causing him to twist and stare at her like he wasn’t quite sure what she was even talking about. “The girl in my dormitory...redhead…”
“I know who Lily is.” Hermione couldn’t help but grin at the slight redness on his face, of course he knew who Lily was, even if he wanted to act unbothered by her. “I’m pretty sure she hasn’t like me since first met but that’s because she is annoying and up her own arse, and she wouldn’t know fun if it slapped her in the face.”
“I think it’s more to do with the fact that you’ve been pranking and her words bullying her best friend.” Hermione admitted as she watched as James sat up straighter, a sneer on his face that seemed to be a reaction to Snape, along with a clenched fist and narrowed eyes.
“And he doesn’t do anything back?”
“I’m not saying that, I know he does, but we’ve been here nineteen days and you already have an enemy.” Hermione spoke softly as James let out a scoff and mumbled something under his breath. She closed her book on her lap and turned to face him. “I’m just saying, it might be nice if you two could be friends.” His eyes widened and the sneer left his face to instead be replaced by confusion.
“Why is it so important to you that me and Lily get on?”
“Because I share a room with her and I don’t particularly fancy spending the next seven years listening to how much of a tosser my brother is without having to retaliate in some way… plus I like her, it’s nice to have someone who cares about their studies.” Hermione joked as she stood up, leaning against the railing as James copied her and lent forward, the smile back on his face now.
“So you just want someone to be a swot with?” He joked and her eyes rolled, once that would have annoyed her to be seen as such, but for now she couldn’t care less. Her love of books would never change no matter who she was.
“It would be nice.”
“Fine, I’ll make a deal – I’ll be as nice as I can to Snivellus, if you start being nice to Peter.” Her mouth dropped open and he grinned at her. She couldn’t be friends with Peter, couldn’t watch him betray them without saying nothing but it wasn’t like she could tell James what would happen when she couldn’t even be sure that would happen again.
Her smile was tense as she began backing away to the door, letting out a little chuckle and waving her arm while he stood and watched her with an amused expression. “You know I never said you had to be nice to Snape, just cool it on the jinxes.”
“Ah right…”
“But you, my dear brother, are free to do as you wish, I will not cast my judgement any longer and we will forget this conversation ever happened.” She pointed at him one last time, waving her hand and leaving him up there alone in her mission to run away from this conversation as fast as she possibly could.
...
Sunday 31st of October 1971
Hogwarts library had always been something of a safe space for Hermione, the smell of old books littering the air, the gentle turning of pages and sighs and scoldings of Mrs Pince as she caught someone doing something they probably shouldn’t have been, it was equivalent to heaven for Hermione as she would probably get.
Though tonight it remained empty except for two other people who looked a second away from breaking down as they stared at the homework they probably had to give in tomorrow. She knew they wanted to be joining in on the Halloween feast but...for Hermione, at least, the idea of sitting with a bunch of kids all hyped up on sugar filled dinners just didn’t seem interesting.
Exhaustion crept up on her, from the lack of sleep in a good couple of weeks, and the words on the book before her began jumbling together as she rested her head on the palm of her hand. She just wanted to rest, just for two minutes, to just forget all the significance this date would hold in the future if she couldn’t stop it.
Thus when her arm slipped and her head landed on the book, black curls covering her face from view, she didn’t try to stop the closing of her eyes, but instead welcomed the sleep with open arms and a sigh.
This should have been over.
They had won the war and Voldemort was dead. They thought it would have been easy afterwards, rebuild Hogwarts and lock up his remaining followers, like they would just hand themselves over with open eyes – they had underestimated just how many people had sympathized with the cruel ma, in such the battles never seemed to end for more than a couple of days.
A constant stream of attacks and people still in hiding. The Aurors had called upon the rest of the Order, with the golden trio leading the charge and doing their best to inspire the people with promises that it would be over soon – except it got harder and harder the more people they lost.
Hermione hadn’t even seen Molly Weasley go down, all she could remember was her children and husband crying over her and the cackle of the Deatheater. Her heart had been going in her chest and her arms trying their best to cling to Ginny from their hiding place, but the girl was strong, pushing and pulling herself free until Hermione was struggling.
“Ginny...please...please just listen to me!” Hermione spoke to the younger girl but the redhead shook her head, furious tears falling from her eyes and her hands pushing back at Hermione. “This isn’t the time...they will kill you, Ginny they are too strong...please.” Hermione pleaded one last time only to end face down in the dirt, her hands trying to grab the girl only to fall short.
Her eyes watched, unable to move herself as the hooded Deatheater laughed at the weeping girl, dodging her spells as though they were nothing, flicking his wand and chuckling in pure delight as Ginny fell to her own knees, her wand laid at her side, all but given up with hope and with everything they had been fighting. Barely even seventeen and accepting death with a smile.
And then she was gone, like so many others. Leaving Hermione to pick up the pieces of how Ron and Harry would take this as they fought elsewhere.
The Deatheater let out another cackle, waving his wand at someone else and Hermione couldn’t wait any longer, she gave up her position and watched as they turned to look at her, one third of the Golden Trio, the brightest witch of her age...the Mudblood.
She stared into the unfamiliar eyes, ones that were cruel and taunting, a smile lifting on his face as he opened his mouth to say something but she didn’t give him the chance, her breath leaving her in a shaky sigh and her wand raising to point towards his chest as she uttered the words like venom, hating that she even had to say them – that she even had to stoop to their level.
"Avada kedavra."
Hermione sat up with a gasp, her hands gripping the table and her breaths coming out in short pants as she tried to make sense of where she was. Her corner of the library seemed darker than before, the candles seeming to have been snuffed out, one of the two students still remained, his foot tapping against the ground and his eyebrows in a frown.
He didn’t seem to notice her, nor the tears that were falling down her face and onto her book. It wasn’t the first time she had dreamt of that night, though there had been other nightmares mixed in, but more the fact that she thought she was doing better and limiting herself.
It had seemed that been at Hogwarts, at accepting her life as it was and trying to enjoy her second chance at a childhood had pushed them away but this week had been worse than before. Nightmares of her old life, nightmares of the Blacks and Potters and of everything else mixed in between until the thought of sleeping had begun to terrify her.
A yawn left her mouth and her shoulders slumped as she closed the book, pushing it into her bag and standing up. The feast would be over by now and her friends would probably be wondering where she was, so with reluctance and tired feet she dragged her way back to the common room, ignoring the excited chatter of the people who inside and searching for her friends.
It didn’t take her too long, swept up into a pair of tan arms and all but thrown around until she was staring into the eyes of Marlene McKinnon in all her happy glory and shouting words, far too fast for Hermione to even comprehend what was being said.
“Can you just...could you -” Hermione began but Marlene was too caught up in whatever she was saying, her arms waving around, drawing attention to other people in the room. “Merlin, Marlene, talk slower.”
She was aware that her tone was snappy but Marlene didn’t seem to even notice as she grinned at her like they usual spoke to each other like that. "Scott asked me out!" Hermione frowned and blinked at her, the small smile forming on her face as the girl all but jumped around before her.
It was easy to forget the horrors of her nightmares...her memories, when surrounded by a bunch of children who could remain blissfully ignorant to the world around them. The war hadn’t hit them hard yet, not like it did with the older students who spent their days talking about the growing number of attacks happening outside their walls.
“Is Scott that third year in Hufflepuff?" Hermione asked after a second two long, raising her eyebrows as Lily appeared from nowhere with a bar of chocolate beside them and a teasing smile on her face.
"What other Scott would it be?"
"Well there's Scott Andrews, that fifth year Ravenclaw." Hermione answered with a grimace as Lily stuck out her tongue in disgust. For one he was much older than them, though perhaps mentally younger, despite the fact that he was in Ravenclaw, he had a habit of asking stupid questions and being found with his finger up his nose.
"Then there's Scott David, he's in second year..." Lily shrugged her shoulders as Hermione nodded her head, the boy was a typical twelve nearly thirteen year old who seemed more focused on having fun with his friends and whispering about girls like they understood everything.
“Okay, well both of you need to shut up.” Marlene snapped as they moved to sit at one of the freely opened table, Hermione reaching over to steal some of Lily’s chocolate, a smile on her face at normality of the situation.
She had never really had girlfriends before, so focused on her reading and her need to prove she belonged at the school had isolated her from forming friendships with her dorm mates early on. This time around, though she still studied and her homework was all done, and books were her first friends, it had been easier to hit it off and find common ground with the two girls before her.
Which why she couldn’t help the teasing smile as it made it’s way to her face, leaning forward and whispering to Marlene. “So when you say asked you out do you mean to be your girlfriend or on a date because we aren’t even allowed to Hogsmeade for two more years and I just don’t think the library will cut it for you.” She leaned back again as Lily nodded her head in agreement.
“The library is pretty nice.” Marlene tried, but her smile came out more like a grimace and her words were false. Much like James and Sirius, she preferred sports and laughter over studying and homework.
“Yes and it is also the place where people go to study and talking isn’t permitted.” Hermione bit back, raising her eyebrows as she gestured to herself and Lily as key examples of who would be found and could manage in a library.
“Not to mention the amount of people kissing in there and who knows what else.” Lily added, eyes going wide as she whispered the words while her cheeks turned pink but Hermione nodded her head in agreement and gave Marlene a pointed stare, watching in fascination as the girls cheeks turned pink and her hands twisted around her jumper.
“I know what else.”
“Marlene, you just turned twelve, we don’t know what else and we shouldn’t know what else.” Hermione pointed out, though she had some more adult memories it was something she refused to look at, locking them tight behind a door where she wouldn’t bare witness to such an act at her early age. “Alright, fine, then how did he ask you out?" She added when she saw Marlene glaring between them.
“Oh well...he...you see…” Marlene stumbled as Lily snorted across from them, turning to whisper to Hermione.
"He shouted it out across the Great Hall."
“It was more romantic than that...afterwards he gave me a Cauldron cake that he had charmed white to try and look like Muggle ghost.” Marlene cried, but her lips twitched as she mumbled something under her breath and left them to sit beside her brother and Sirius, the boys not even seeming disturbed to see her there with them.
“Is there a difference between Muggle and Wizard ghosts?” Hermione frowned as she turned to face Lily, her head coming to tap her chin as her friend looked for answers neither of them could really say.
“I think she means the people who wear sheets and pretend to be ghosts, or I hope she does.” Hermione spoke slowly as they both turned back to look at their friend, her hands waving frantically and a laugh falling from her mouth that even had sombre Remus’ lips turning at the corner and her brother, Matthew, who must have joined them at some point, cracking up on the floor.
Hermione couldn’t stop the smile that made it’s way to her face. This is what she had wanted when she came here, to see people happy and living their lives. To stop the death and destruction.
Her smile feel as her eyes landed on Peter, he stared back without an emotion, his lips seeming to curl into a smirk before the mask went on and he was back to chuckling nervously with her brother.
...
Wednesday the 3rd of November 1971
Hermione giggled as she watched the disgusted look on Lily’s face, while Marlene all but winked and threw kisses to her new boyfriend like there wasn’t a bunch of people around them watching the pair.
“That’s disgusting...I hope I’m never like that if I ever have a boyfriend...you have to make sure, Hermione.” Lily pointed at her with the end of her knife, the crumbs from her buttered toast sticking to it, as her elbow came out to hit the blond beside her.
“Ow, what was that for?”
“Lily...me and pretty much the whole Great Hall would like to enjoy our food without you and Scott making us want to vomit.” Hermione explained, the smile falling slightly as she caught the eyes of Narcissa from the other side of the room, watching Hermione like some sort of hawk, if a hawk could smirk and look snobbish.
Marlene let out a laugh, waving her hand and chomping down on a piece of toast with heavy jam before she pointed between them. “You’re just jealous.”
Hermione let out a snort and shook her head while Lily shrugged her shoulders. She had forgotten what it was like to be eleven/twelve, away from home and at school – to feel so grown up and yearn for things that you didn’t even understand yet, like having a partner and feeling excited every time you so much as pecked or held hands.
It honestly would be a surprise if Marlene and Scott lasted longer than two weeks before they were both onto someone else or swearing off relationships until their next crush came and took hold of them. The serious relationships would start growing in a few years, when feelings and an better understanding of the world took hold.
“Oh great.” Lily mumbled under her breath, eyes on the door as Sirius stormed towards the table, a pout on his lips and James trailing behind him looking more than amused, the pair sitting to the left of Hermione with Sirius now sat across from Lily.
It wasn’t usual for the boys to sit near them, James and Hermione had a habit of eating together that often forced everyone else into partaking but more that Lily tended to try and join later or as sit as far as possible as she could from them, leaving a good few people between them so she didn’t have to talk to James in any capacity.
"This sucks!" Sirius exclaimed suddenly, resting his head on his empty plate and leaving everyone to stare at him in confusion until his head popped up when no one made a sound and he was forced to explain his sulky mood. “It’s my birthday and I have to do lessons.” He whined, throwing his hands in the air and reaching for some toast.
“Happy birthday...I guess.” Lily spoke slowly as he gave her a half-hearted smile and nod of his head, biting off a large chunk of his food.
“Come on, mate, today will past well fast and then when we get back to the Common Room we can celebrate.” James tried to cheer his best friend up, cringing as he looked over the sullen shoulders to his sister for help only to be met with a shrug of her own shoulders. “Though we should get to potions a bit earlier...”
Hermione frowned as she watched James look down at his watch, a frown on his own face while he shoved food in his mouth. “When did you become so eager to get to class earlier?”
“Remus has gone to see his mum again, he’ll be back tomorrow, but we decided to be good friends and take notes for him.” James told her with a wave of his hand, spitting bits of his breakfast on both Hermione and Sirius, though he seemed to miss the tense jaw and knowing look of his sister nor had he seemed to have caught on to the truth.
Hermione couldn’t help but wonder when they found out, she knew it wouldn’t be too soon, but would it be by the end of this year? It wasn’t like she could ask or even say anything, her and Remus had spoken maybe ten words to each other without James around and most of it was a quick hi in passing.
A hand brushed over her shoulder, Hermione jumping as she saw Sirius swipe away the crumbs left by her brother, her own hand reaching up to wipe her face and to avoid the blush that threatened to flood her cheeks at how close her brothers best friend actually was to her in this moment.
There moment was cut short as a beautiful black owl landed on Sirius’ plate, it’s leg held out and waiting for him to remove the ivory parchment from it’s place. She didn’t even have to look to know who the letter was from, even as Sirius let out a sigh of disbelief.
“DearSirius,
Your Grandfather Pollux believes that despite the disappointment you continue to bring to our high and noble house, that we should wish you a Happy Birthday and inform you of the upcoming nuptials of your dear cousin, Bellatrix, as you will be expected to act in a proper manner that reflects our family.
I also would like to remind you, that while we may not see you for the next few months and allowing you to hide your in shame, your cousin Narcissa has been more than welcome in informing us about the state in which you conduct yourself in.
It is of highest insult to have learnt, my son and the heir of our family, has been colluding among Bloodtraitors, Mudbloods and other unworthy people that you would now even deny the help of your cousin. There will be repercussions, Sirius.
Though I will agree that you should keep the Potter girl close, perhaps you should remind her of who her family really is..
From, Walburga Black.”
Sirius grimaced as he read aloud, mainly for the benefit of James and Hermione though it was obvious that Marlene and Lily were both listening, faces pinched in confusion and annoyance at what they had all heard.
“Well she sounds delightful." James spoke dryly as he pushed his food away and shooed the owl that still remained, sending it off without reply as Sirius shifted the letter between his hands, his head bent downwards and his shoulders seeming tense. Her hand reached out to hold his own only to find him pulling away from the table.
She didn’t try to follow, didn’t say anything as James all but ran after his best friend. Hermione honestly couldn’t imagine how hard this way for him.
Her whole life with the Potters had been turned around, given her a better understanding of what was expected in some families, she was just lucky to have parents who went against the normal and decided their children were free to choose their own lives, partners and careers when the time came but Sirius’ own family was something else.
"What’s a Mudblood?"
Once upon time, Hermione Granger had had the same amount of innocence, confused despite what the world implied and who it was directed to. She had been so in love with the Wizarding world, a child naivety surrounding her and making her believe that here she would be different only for the idea to be thrashed down when she was just as alone as before.
This time she had been raised different, and the slur hadn’t been directed at her and yet it stung all the same, itched itself into her arm where a scar had once laid, the cruel taunts of Bellatrix ringing in her ears until she couldn’t hear anything else.
“Hermione?” Lily asked gently, reaching forward to touch the girls arm and frowning when Hermione pulled away with a choked gasp, clutching to her robes as though she had been burned.
“Sorry...I just...it’s not a nice word Lily, more for someone like you.” Hermione began to explain as Lily’s frown deepened and her mouth opened as though she wanted to ask more but Hermione cut her off. “It implies that those with Muggle families or Muggle blood are dirty, that their blood is impure.” It felt like a slap to her own face so she couldn’t begin to imagine how it felt to Lily.
“Are they right?” Lily asked, gulping down some of the sadness she seemed to feel and looking between the two girls with fire in her eyes and yet she spoke so sadly. “Do your parents being Muggle make you less of a witch?”
“Of course not, Merlin Lil’, you already top of our class – I think you’ve proved you are better than all of us.” Marlene cried, reaching around to tuck the girl into her shoulder and give her a grin but Lily’s eyes didn’t leave Hermione nor did a smile appear on her face even as Marlene let her go with another squeeze.
Lily was silent for a few seconds seeming to digest everything before she was leaning forward and frowning at Hermione. “So what did Sirius’ mother mean about you and your...real family?”
“It’s a complicated story, Sirius and I share a great-grandfather and grandmother, Cygnus Black and his wife Violetta Bulstrode, our grandparents were brother and sister, my birth father is his mothers cousin and also James’.” Hermione explained lowly, frowning down at her plate as her brain just seemed to remember her family tree as though it was the alphabet.
It wasn’t like it wasn’t common knowledge between people who were more firmly placed in the Wizarding world but it was just something she had never been comfortable talking about. It was easier to say adopted than to explain how she related to half of the school and more through a long, inbred family tree she didn’t even want to be on.
“James’ parents - “
“Adopted me after something happened with my Grandparents...they are my parents and family despite what Sirius’ mother says.” Hermione spoke quickly, placing her bag over her shoulder and giving the girls a tense smile before she continued. “I’ll tell you all about it one day when we don’t have class.”
...
January1972
Sighing was becoming a new favourite hobby of Hermione’s with the rate she seemed to be doing it. At least two times per hour, or in this case every single second per hour where she was all but forced to sit on the bench and wait for her friends to enter the castle despite the fact that the train was long gone and curfew was approaching.
It was cold and the snow was thick and almost a blinding white, she should be inside with her brothers and friends but instead she was sat watching Marlene and her latest boyfriend, a first year Ravenclaw, speak lowly to one another and waiting for Lily to return from talking with Snape.
Merlin, she had no idea what to do about Snape. In her previous life he had been a bully, hated by many and a double agent that no one knew about but here...he was a child in a house full of Muggle hating idiots and a best friend surrounded by people he couldn’t stand. He was rude and arrogant, his hexed her brother and there was a constant smirk on his face.
The while situation was more complex than they realised. More complex than with Peter, a cowering rat hiding behind his friends whenever Hermione came along, but she could see in James’ eyes the lack of trust for the traitor – though a friend, he didn’t seem to have as much faith in the boy like he did for Sirius and Remus or herself. Without even realising she had damaged what would have once been a stronger friendship and she couldn’t help but smirk at the thought.
With another heavy sigh and a glare she pulled the black curls from her mouth, catching sight of Lily and Snape as they made their way to the entrance. She couldn’t help but stand as she watched them, angry words seeming to be exchanged back and forth until they stood before her.
"Potter." Snape sneered, sending one last look to Lily over his shoulder as he stormed away, making sure to bump into her hard enough to send her stumbling into her friend.
Mittened hands steadied her and furious green eyes followed after the greasy haired twit but Hermione kept her mouth shut, swinging her arm by her side and trying to keep the twinge of pain to herself. “God..he is just so frustrating sometimes." Lily finally let out, throwing herself onto the bench and crossing her arms over her chest.
“Hm.”
“You know how Sev feels about your brother, we all do, but he says I shouldn’t be friends with a Potter.” Lily vented, placing her face in her hands before looking to Hermione and frowning as she watched her friend wince. “Are you alright? He shouldn’t have done that, I’ll talk him about it later.” Her eyes turned to glare as though she hoped Snape would be able to feel it.
“I’ll be fine, I’ve had worse before.” Hermione mumbled under her breath as Lily turned back to look at her in confusion, her mouth open like she wanted to ask a question. “Also Snape can’t dictate your friends when all he can seem to utter in front of me is my surname but I imagine he’s just jealous that we all get to spend so much time with you.” Hermione spoke half-heartedly, trying her best to appear as sympathetic to the situation.
The pair remained in silence as they watched Marlene finally separate from her boyfriend with a wave and a happy grin on her face. The only one of the three seeming fully content in this moment, her finger coming to tap their noses, chuckling when they tried to slap her away with grumbles and moans about being cold.
“Come on my little Rudolph's, lets go and get us some food.” Marlene sang to them, the grin on her face widening when the tension and sadness seemed to break between them as Lily let out her own chuckle that people around them looking.
...
Sunday 30th of January 1972
To say that Hermione was scary when she was pissed was a complete understatement. Harry and Ron had spent their years flinching away from her, hiding behind scared looks and wide eyes, almost fighting against the air of crackling magic and eyes like fire.
Hermione Potter though was something else, a force to be reckoned with and a lack of reputation, which was why everyone was staring at her as she marched in the Great Hall, feet stomping against the floor and curls bouncing behind her. They whispered among themselves, waiting for what was going to happen and who she was going to tell off.
They didn’t have to wait too long as she shouted. “James, you little bugger!” Her hands slapped on the table, causing said brother to choke on his breakfast and Sirius to spit out some juice when her hands landed on the table beside them with a resounding smack.
“You my dear sister?” James asked nervously, eyes flickering to Peter who was a second away from Peter and then to Sirius who was staring at Hermione with wide and yet amused eyes. Hermione let out a low growl, causing her brothers head to wipe back to her and his brows to raise further in his head as he dodge the hand that came to grab him. “Woah...before we start manhandling, care to tell me what has pissed you off.”
“You can only manhandle a man, you my little brother are a boy – now get up before I drag you out here myself.” Hermione muttered lowly, a small smirk forming on her face when James raised instantly, holding his hands up in surrender.
“Oh no, Jaime is in troubl- ow Hermione!”
“You’re coming too.” Hermione snapped as she watched Sirius stumble from where she had pulled him from his seat, a pout on her lips that almost made her regret being so physical with him but then he sent her a grin and raised his eyebrows.
“I love the temper, feel free to use it with me anytime.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively before groaning as James’ elbow caught with his stomach and had him bending over.
“Shut up, the pair of you.” Hermione bit out, storming out the Great Hall and knowing they would follow her. None of them spoke, heads seemingly hung low and legs having to work faster in an attempt to keep up with her power walking until they stopped outside of a door.
Hermione gave them both a cold smile as she opened it to show an unused classroom, reaching forward to push the pair in and locking the door behind them. They stared in shock, ignoring the glare that came from Marlene as she sat beside a crying Lily.
The girl in question had bright pink hair and an equally pink face, if Hermione wasn’t so angry then she would have complimented them on the colour changing charm that was advanced for most first years, but she was fuming, her hands reaching up to slap both boys on the backs of their head as they began laughing.
“Ow Mi’...come on, it’s pretty funny.” Sirius joked, turning back to face Lily as she stood up and pointed her wand at the pair of them. “Shit, Evans, listen it was an accident, it was meant to just be a cool charm, we didn’t know it would effect your face too!” He claimed, turning to face James who was grimacing at the situation.
“One of you is going to fix this, I don’t care who, but one of you is!” Lily all but screamed at them as more tears appeared and her bottom lip wobbled, she fell back with a whimper, leaning into Marlene as the girl brought her in for a tight hug. “This is the worst birthday ever.” She added as a afterthought.
Hermione couldn’t help but smirk as both boys turned pale and their mouths opened like fishes, her hands falling to rest on their shoulders and full on grinning when they flinched. “Hear that boys, you’ve gone and ruined Lily’s birthday for a stupid prank – you know if I was her then I would hex you both or better yet, make sure McGonagall knew who it really was who hexed Jack Davids.” The boys gulped and looked between each other.
James moved forward with his hands raised, staring at Lily, his voice shaking as he spoke. “Listen Lily, we are really sorry and we will make this up to you but...but we don’t know to reverse the spell.”
“You don’t know how to reverse the spell?” Lily shrieked, moving forward as both boys hid behind Hermione, eyes wide and hands holding her there so Lily couldn’t get to them. “Get out both of you, and don’t speak to me again!”
Neither needed to be told twice, waiting until Hermione opened the door and then they were running away like the scared little boys they were, leaving the three girls alone in the classroom where they remained silent until Lily broke out in giggles, sitting herself down on the desk and wiping underneath her eyes as Hermione and Marlene began laughing too.
“Best birthday present ever!” Lily cried, the tears long gone from her face and instead replaced with the happiest grin as she sighed and stared into the distance while she spoke. “I’ve never seen either of them look so scared.” Hermione couldn’t help the laugh that fell from her own throat in agreement.
“I know...hats off to both of you for being magnificent actresses.” Marlene applauded them, nodding her head while Hermione curtsied and Lily bowed her head.
“Well it is kind of easy to be annoyed at them, I mean they did do this to me, though they should have planned it quieter.” Lily spoke with a roll of her eyes before she grimaced as she touched her hair, shaking her head and turning back to Hermione who whispered the reverse incantation and watched as Lily returned to auburn hair and only pink tinged skin.
“So what do you think they’ll do to make it up to her or do you think they’ll actually not speak to her again?” Marlene asked suddenly as Lily shifted in her seat, a small frown on her face though she seemed unaware of it, almost like she didn’t want them to leave her alone.
“Not a chance, Sirius maybe but James would probably rather stab his eyes out even if he won’t admit it – I imagine there is going to be some sort of celebration when we get back with gifts they either stole from Remus or didn’t use themselves.” Hermione explained with a shrug of her shoulders as Lily blushed and mumbled something under breath.
Hours later when they returned to the Common Room, Hermione couldn’t keep the ‘I-told-you-so’ look off of her face when Lily was presented with a whole cake, some books that she was sure were taken from her brothers suitcase and a fancy quill that Hermione knew because her parents had bought her a set of the same ones.
Though the kindness lasted a whole week before the boys were back to being their usual selves.
...
Friday 10th of March 1972
Remus stared at her in shock as he opened the present timidly. "You got me chocolate?" He asked after a second but his light green eyes were alight with amazement and Hermione couldn’t help but think this was the longest he had ever looked at her without blush covering his cheeks or his eyes flickering somewhere else.
It hurt her that they weren’t that close. In her old life she had valued him, thought of him as a friend despite the age difference and someone she could trust but this Remus was a child, he was timid and scared of most people, it had taken him weeks to open up to James and Sirius, let alone be able to hold a conversation with herself.
She knew it would take a while but she was willing to wait, to slowly earn his trust and friendship. Judging by the grin he gave her as he placed a piece of chocolate in his mouth, they were already half-way there. Who knew it was that simple?
“You know you’ve never made that face when I’ve given you chocolate, I am very offended.” Sirius grumbled as he pointed to the doppy smile and relaxed expression on Remus’ face before he grinned and raised an eyebrow. “I thought it was reserved for tea, though you must make an exception for Hermione.” There was something else to his tone, an edge that had the table shifting.
Hermione gave a tight smile, stomping her foot on Sirius’ as Remus’ smile dropped and his cheeks turned red, no longer looking at Hermione. “Who can blame him, a good cup of tea cures everything.” As if to make a point she raised her own cup to her lips and gave an exaggerated sigh, grinning when Lily copied her. “You should try it for your leg.”
Sirius grumbled something under his breath as Hermione smiled sweetly, reaching out to place her hand on top of the coffee before Marlene could grab it while Lily shook her head.
“No Marly, not after last time.” Lily spoke lowly, scolding the girl as though she was a child, amused as the girl rolled her eyes and went back to her food like it was nothing while Hermione and Lily looked towards each other.
None of them had touched the coffee in their nearly year of being here, being eleven/twelve had it’s perks that they had more energy and little use for a drink until the end of year exams began creeping up and studying had become later and later (though not for Hermione) and thus the seemingly constant feeling of tiredness set in.
All it took was Marlene having two cups filled with sugar to put them all off it. The girl was unstoppable, all but jumping on the table and screaming for everyone to hear, far too much energy that needed to be burnt off by taking her for a walk by the lake until she tired herself out and they had to drag her to bed. Now there was a ban until she could handle the stimulant.
“Anyway, what else did the birthday boy get?” Lily turned to ask Remus, a softer smile on her face as she leaned forward. His eyes flickered to hers, gulping and clasping his hands on his lap, before he gave her a soft smile and shrugged his shoulders.
“A few books.”
“You know Evans, you didn’t ask me that on my birthday.” Sirius cried on, glaring at her as the girl in question narrowed her eyes and clucked her tongue.
“That’s because I don’t like you.” Sirius let out a gasp, holding his hand to his chest before he let out a laugh and leaned across the table, staring Lily in the eyes as the girl leaned backwards with a grimace. “What are you doing?”
“I know you secretly love me, Lily-flower.” He whispered winking at her and chuckling as he sat back down to see the blush on her cheeks and the anger in her eyes. His eyes turned to Hermione as raised her own eyebrows at him, fork stabbed into her food and sent her his own. “Don’t worry, Hermione, you are still my favourite – soon though I’ll be fighting off girls with a broom, so you better decide between you who wants me now.”
The girls groaned, looking to each other before smirking as they reached to throw their food at his face, fighting to keep the smiles when a spoon of beans hit him square in the face and he let out a girlish shriek. Remus chuckled loudly, egging both girls on without them realising until soon the great food fight of 1972 took place and the first year Gryffindors ended up in detention.
...
Monday 27th of March 1972
Hermione loved her brother. He was her other half, as cheesy as that sounded, but she should have known that he would make a big deal about his birthday. He was twelve for Merlin’s sake, but yet here they all were stood in the common room, staring around and wondering how he had even managed to pull this off.
Posters of his face hung everywhere, grinning down at them and making Hermione feel nauseous. One James was bad enough but twenty of him sounded like some kind of nightmare.
“Do you think this is what the inside of his head looks like?” Marlene asked in disgust as she looked around the room while Hermione nodded her head in agreement and Lily made a sound of disgust, leaning forward so only the pair of them could hear.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if this is what his world looked like...all of us with his face, oh God I might be sick.”
“Keep that vomit inside, Evansie, no one is throwing up on my birthday.” James spoke with a grin, pointing at the girl before turning to his sister and clapping his hands together excitedly as he reached forward. “Oh yay, presents!” He grinned as he took the present from her, shaking it in his hands and frowning when it rattled.
Hermione rolled her eyes as he opened the gift, laughing excitedly at the broom cleaning kit she had got him. She watched over her shoulder as Sirius spoke to some girl, smirking and leaning against the wall, Remus sat next to him at the table, sleeping on his arms, exhausted as the moon drew closer and closer, and Peter shivered with either nerves or excitement.
“Thanks ‘Mi...so what do you girls think?” He gestured around him and raised an eyebrow, smirking at the three before he sauntered closer to Lily. “I know you are impressed, Evans.”
“I really am.” Lily spoke softly back as James’ eyes widened and a large grin took over his face but then Lily smirked and her eyes glistened. “Just when I thought your ego and your head couldn’t get any bigger, you go and prove me wrong.” Her hand reached up to pat his head as she moved away to speak to some other mutual friends leaving Hermione giggling behind her hand.
The party continued for a few more hours, most retiring for bed due to the fact they had early lessons in the morning, leaving just a few stranglers and their little group around the fire, watching as James opened his presents with grins, throwing things between his friends and laughing when Remus stared down happily at the large amount of chocolate growing beside him.
It wasn’t until he reached the last present, simply signed with ‘from your friends’, that whole group seemed to perk up. James didn’t even seem to realise, or maybe he was used to the smirk on Sirius’ face, nor how Remus had slunk off and the girls were looking between themselves in confusion.
“You guys you didn’t have to- “ He didn’t finish as the moment he lifted the lid, whatever had been inside exploded, sending a mixture of cake and what looked like glitter over the boy and some over the rest of the group. “You’re all dead.”
The girl didn’t waste no time, scrambling towards the stairs, pushing Sirius back onto the sofa before he could escape and laughing as James tripped over his own feet in an attempt to grab his best friend. The listened as Sirius let out a high pitched scream, laughter falling from their mouths not even stopping as James stood at the bottom of the stairs glaring up at them.
June 1972
Hermione tensed her jaw as she entered Dumbledore’s office. It was the same as it had been before the war, everything in their perfectly misplaced areas and she couldn’t stop her hand from running over the books, staring at their titles and stopping when she landed on one.
"I take it you've been to my office before, Miss Potter, I do hope it wasn't for anything troublesome." Hermione flinched as she turned to see Dumbledore sat behind his desk. Hermione gulped as she turned away from the books and began walking towards the headmaster, smiling as her eyes landed on Fawkes, a soft squawk leaving his mouth.
“Of course, Sir, though never for anything serious.” Hermione indulged him, moving towards Fawkes and smiling as he rested his warm head against her palm, almost purring like Crookshanks did when he rested on her lap. “Have I done something wrong now?”
Dumbledore let out a chuckle, gesturing to the chair on the other side of his desk and waiting until she sat to speak to her. “No my dear, the opposite in fact, would you like some tea?” He asked, handing her the mug and smiling when she smelled the liquid carefully. “I haven’t put anything in it, Miss Potter, it is perfectly safe to drink.” As if to prove it he took a long pull from his own and smacked his lips, watching her with knowing eyes until she did the same.
“Why am I here, Sir?”
“It isn’t often that a student catches my attention, though of course you aren’t a normal student.” His eyes twinkled at her and Hermione fought the frown on her face as she thought of Harry and Voldemort, and now herself – all of watched under the Great Dumbledore. “Your teachers are rather impressed with you, your homework and grades are outstanding, surpassing any student and yet they claim you are uninterested in class...almost bored.”
“Not bored...perhaps a little but may I remind you, Professor that I have done this before.” Dumbledore chuckled at her annoyed tone while Hermione lumped further back into her chair, eyes staring longing towards the door over her shoulder.
“I am aware, it must be very tedious, but I must remind you that while a part of you remembers your old life, your body and the you now have never possessed magic that you have tasted and so I must ask for your patience and suggest that you take these years are a refresher and a chance to have fun with friends without the weight of studies on your back.” He looked over at her with his half moon spectacles and raised his eyebrows as she clucked her tongue in the back of her mouth.
Hermione nodded her head finally, standing up to leave, her best towards her headmaster and her teeth gritting together when Fawkes let out a slow whine and she turned back, storming up the steps and glaring down at the old man who only seemed amused. “Professor, I have been nothing but patient, I have spent the past nearly six years without any form of contact from you and unable to do what I was sent here to do.”
“You are merely a twelve year old girl, now is not the time for you to be fighting a war.” Her mouth opened to fight him, to remind him of what she had already been through but he cut her off with a wave of his hand. “There is a reason you were sent back when you were to the Potters, I believe you know that reason.”
Of course Hermione knew what that reason was. The person who was responsible for all of Harry’s sadness, in a way that Voldemort couldn’t even claim. The person who had sold all her friends out after knowing them for ten years, because he was scared or he believed in the cause. The one who she still couldn’t stop her brother nor Sirius and Remus from befriending.
Admittedly she hadn’t tried her hardest but instead hoped that settling on disliking the boy would have changed their minds, changed her brothers mind, instead it had just become an unresolved issue between them.
“I guess I failed in that regard, Sir.”
“There is still time to stop the butterfly from flapping his wings and creating a tsunami.” Hermione rolled her eyes again and stood straight, crossing her arms over her chest and ignoring his stupid analogy. “Though perhaps some things are not meant to be changed, perhaps we can’t stop moments that are supposed to happen.”
Hermione felt her blood run cold as she narrowed her eyes at the old man, his eyes no longer twinkling and the small smile having fallen from his face as she shook her head. “Professor, you can’t believe that when I was sent back here to stop these very things and to defeat Voldemort before things get even worse.” Her voice rose and she was suddenly reminded of how young she was, how a child was all but snapping at her teacher.
He smirked slightly at her, standing up and moving around the desk to stare down at her. “Time is a loop Miss Potter, who is to say that this all hasn’t played out before, that no matter what you do, things will end the same?”
“I do!” Hermione shouted, growling from her mouth as the stupid smile didn’t leave his mouth and the temptation to slap it off grew as strong as her dwindling respect for the man. “Hermione Potter never existed before but here I am, trust me I know some people who would have told me about her, and I refuse to let any of my friends go through what I know can happen...I will stop this war because I am the only one who knows how.” His eyebrows raised at her and Hermione let out a deep shaking breath.
“Then in your certainty I am sure you will find a way to deal with Mr Pettigrew before he becomes an issue.” Hermione wanted to ask how he knew but her stayed closed and her defensive walls flew up, stronger than before, pushing him out of her head. “You have time for everything else, think of this as your first mission though nothing needs to be done urgently, if you believe you can truly change things then he can still be redeemed.” He spoke softly and moved back around the desk to sit in his chair and offer her another long gaze.
“But Sir- “
“Watch him Miss Potter, you know the phrase ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer’.” She nodded her head and he smiled as though he was content to let her deal with the problem. “For now that is what we must do, though I ask you once again to enjoy these years as best as you can and I promise when you are older, we will do what you came here to do and put a stop to Voldemort once and for all.”
Her teeth grated together as she nodded her head, all but dismissed from the room with a simple wave of his hand. She didn’t wait for more, there was nothing she could say to change his mind, nothing she could do herself being underage and unable to apparate without being caught.
Four and a bit more years. A voice whispered, her old voice, so unlike her own now. But she could help but sigh and agree. Four more years and she would be a legal adult able to do whatever she wanted.
...
The sun shone brightly outside as Hermione made her way over to where her friends were sitting by the lake, their eyes on the seventh year boys taking an opportunity of the mild sun to wrestle shirtless. Hermione could almost hear them giggling and she cringed, taking a few steps backwards to hide behind a tree – she didn’t want to deal with this now, not with all Dumbledore had said.
She slid down the bark, letting out a deep breath.
Anger raced through her veins and licked at her magic, it made her itch for her wand and want to blast everything in sight. He was wrong to tell her that, to tell her she might not change anything, tell her she might not be able to save her own brother when they both knew she would risk her own life for James’, for any of their friends.
But he had smirked, like he had gotten what he wanted, like a twelve year old girl screaming at him was as satisfying as moving one of his usual chess pieces. Did he want her to fail? Did he want her emotional? No, no, he wanted her to be a child, to pretend like her life was normal when it had been anything but, both of them were pure messes.
“What are you thinking hard about?” Hermione let out a groan as she looked up to see Andromeda sitting beside her, curling her arms around her legs and staring at the grass with a blank pale expression, her eyes red rimmed and her nose sniffling.
“Clearly nothing as important as what’s going on with you.” Hermione commented as she reached for her cousin, frowning when the woman moved away, flinching at her touch. “Andy, what’s wrong?”
Andromeda let out a whimper, tears falling from her eyes as she all but crumbled into herself, shaking like a leaf in the wind. “My parents are going to kill me...Ted says we can run away and everything will be fine but I’m scared Hermione and I just can’t go home!” Her words came out tumbled together as Hermione frowned and tried to make sense of it.
“Andy, I can’t help unless you tell me what’s wrong.”
"I'm pregnant."