Studying for NEWTS
James had been sitting in the Gryffindor common room revising for so long that he’d lost focus entirely. The common room had been crowded, mostly with students pouring over textbooks and writing essays. It was still only the beginning of the year, but from the fervor in the room, an observer might have guessed it was finals season.
For James and his friends, of course, Seventh year meant NEWTS. Even though the exams were still months away, they were all kicking it into gear, spread across couches or lying on the floor surrounded by books.
The fifth years had been studying hard too, in preparation for their OWLS. That made sense. Most of the other students in the common room who weren’t Fifth or Seventh year had been relaxing, lounging or chatting, but they were at least keeping their voices down - it was obvious that those students who were studying were deeply focused.
But James had registered that there had been one other student there studying who wasn’t in his OWL or NEWT exam season, but appeared to be just as busy revising as the rest of them.
Moony’s friend Christopher, who James knew was in sixth year, was sitting on the love seat by the window next to Moony while they both revised. When Moony had sat down, he’d been alone and he’d been using up all of the space by himself, covering the whole area in textbooks. But at some point while James had looked away, Christopher had joined him.
He wasn’t watching them there or anything, but he had noticed them. He’d noticed them the previous week too, sitting together in the library going over notes, even though they weren’t in the same year. Christopher always seemed to sit down wherever Moony was, and started conversations that Moony was drawn into.
And it made James wonder. He had no idea if Christopher was gay, but now that Moony had said that he was, James couldn’t help but wonder. Was Christopher his boyfriend? Or someone he was interested in? Did he want Christopher to be his boyfriend?
James looked over at Sirius, who was laying on his back on the floor with his eyes closed. He wondered if Sirius knew anything. He didn’t think Sirius and Moony were close enough that Moony would have actually told him anything, but perhaps Sirius had similar theories. They would both want their friend to be happy, of course.
And James knew without a doubt that if he had seen his straight friend in a similar situation with a girl, he’d have encouraged that friend to ask her out by now. Perhaps, if Sirius agreed with James’ assessment of the situation, they should offer the same support to Moony.
“Think I’ll head upstairs,” James said casually. “Grab my broom and maybe go out to the quidditch pitch to fly for a bit.”
Sirius’ eyes snapped open. “Oh, I’ll go too.” He stood up and stretched out.
James had known that that would work, somehow, even though Sirius had by all accounts been dead to the world for at least half an hour. But James knew better, he’d just been pretending in order to avoid working.
They walked up the stairs in silence.
When they reached the room, James shut the door with a quiet click, and looked at Sirius. Sirius seemed to have realized that James had something in mind, and hadn’t moved away to grab his things yet.
“Did you see Moony on the loveseat?” James asked. He kept his voice down, not that anyone could have overheard them. Still, it felt like a private question.
Something flickered in Sirius’ eyes for the briefest moment before he shuttered it. “Yeah,” he said. “Revising, you mean?”
“He was with Chris,” James said, “Do you think they’re together?”
Sirius recoiled back, as though he’d been struck. “What?” he asked quickly, “No.”
His answer was emphatic, and as though he were repulsed, which James didn’t think was fair. Christopher wasn’t that bad.
James just looked at him, and Sirius continued on. “No, I do not think they’re together, they were just revising. They’re friends, they revise together all the time. It doesn’t mean anything.”
James shook his head, latching on to Sirius’ last point.
“Yeah, but I think maybe we just haven’t realized it! They were sitting talking quietly with their heads together, like they do a lot. Maybe they’ve been together and Moony just hasn’t told us. I mean it took him ages to tell us he was gay, even.”
Sirius almost looked angry, but James couldn’t for the life of him pick up on why. “Absolutely not, you are reading too much into it.”
James shook his head. He couldn’t tell why Sirius was being so dense.
“Well ever since he came out, I kind of thought maybe he’d start dating someone. I want him to have someone, you know? We all have, and he hasn’t. He shouldn’t have to be lonely.”
Sirius was gritting his teeth, but spoke quietly through it. “It’s fine. He’s fine, he doesn’t need Chris.” Sirius spit out his name like it was something dirty, and James wondered all of a sudden if his irritation was something specifically to do with Christopher.
James shook his head sadly. “I just wish he could be happy with someone, you know?”
“It’s fine,” Sirius repeated.
James couldn’t understand why Sirius wasn’t more sympathetic. He didn’t want Moony to be a monk forever, did he? “But don’t you think it would be nice if he had someone?”
Sirius tensed, and pursed his lips, then blew out a breath. “No, I mean it’s fine, because he has someone already.”
James’ jaw dropped open and his eyes widened. Sirius knew something and hadn’t told him!
“Oh! Is he dating someone?”
Sirius looked visibly torn, and James suddenly felt very ashamed of himself. If he wasn’t meant to know this, he couldn’t force it out of his best friend. That wouldn’t be respectful to Moony at all.
He felt a little bit heartbroken to have been left out, and knew that that would show on his face, but he wouldn’t force Sirius to say anything.
“Oh, can you not tell me? Does he not want me to know? That’s okay, that’s fine, totally alright.” He could tell that he was repeating it too much, but he couldn’t stop himself.
Sirius shook his head apologetically. “No, it’s not that.” He looked hesitant, or maybe nervous, to go on, but he didn’t continue so James was at a loss for why.
James felt a little frustrated with the whole situation. “I don’t really see why he would tell you rather than me when you don’t always even get along, but you don’t have to tell me. Don’t break his confidence, that would just lead to another row.” He let out a half-hearted chuckle, but Sirius didn’t join him.
Instead, he looked earnestly at James, then sighed. “I can tell you,” he finally said. “It’s just…he has me.
There was a weird sort of resignation on his face, as though he were nervous to have said that, but James had no idea why, it was a sweet sentiment, even if it wasn’t the same.
“Well yeah, I know, he has all of us-”
Sirius shook his head emphatically, and James stopped talking immediately. He had missed something.
“No, I mean he has me.” And there was something about the way that he emphasized it that made James understand immediately.
Sirius looked nervous, and suddenly wouldn’t make eye contact. His eyes fell to the floor, and James - amidst a ton of confusion and skepticism - couldn’t help but feel bad for him that he was so nervous to have said that.
But even so, what he’d said still made no sense.
“What are you saying?” he asked. He wanted Sirius to say it, if indeed James had understood correctly.
Sirius ran his hands through his hair, looking exasperated, but stilled after a brief moment.
“We’re together. Have been for a while.”
James felt like he’d been run over by a train from shock. It seemed entirely wrong. “Oh,” he said stupidly. “Are you serious?”
James realized what he’d said the second he’d said it, but for once in his life, Sirius seemed able to resist the urge to say “I’m always Sirius,” and instead answered more sincerely.
“Very much so. There was some stuff last year, but we got together officially over the camping trip.”
James tried to piece that together. “When he came out?”
Sirius nodded. “Yeah. I thought that was very brave of him, but I wasn’t ready.”
James laughed hollowly. “I guess you were now?”
Sirius chuckled. “I guess. I just hate that fucking prat Chris, didn’t want you thinking he was cool enough for our Moony.”
James barked a real laugh at that. “You were jealous?”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Piss off, I was not jealous.”
“Sounds like you were,” James replied, but Sirius seemed willing to let it go, so James did too.
They stood in silence for a bit before James spoke again. “Sirius?”
“Yeah?” Sirius asked, looking rather sheepishly at James.
“Don’t hurt him,” James said simply.
“I won’t,” Sirius replied soberly.
“Good, then let’s go fly,” James said with a grin. He clapped Sirius on the shoulder and squeezed briefly before turning to grab his broom.
Sirius laughed and went to get his own broom. “Thought you’d never ask.”