Two Faces. The One you show and The One You Hide
The second half of second year is just as bad as the first. He becomes known as the troublemaker, always the loudest at the table. Yet his thoughts stay louder. His mate Jake animates him to beat up a first year for trying to befriend a Slytherin. James can barely hide the shaking in his voice, as he diverts their attention to one of the new gadgets from his uncle George’s shop. It’s a new type of firework, that laughs at you while it explodes. The boys decide to try them out in their dormitory.
It goes wrong, very wrong. One firework explodes too close to James’ nightstand and lights the notebook that was on it, on fire. The kids laugh even louder than the gadget, but later on, in the quiet of the night, hidden away in the library, James cries for all the poems he had lost to the fire.
Another bad thing to come out of second year is finding out the angel’s name. He truly is like a mythical creature, appearing only briefly in his field of vision and disappearing before James can grasp his presence. Until one day he walks right into him.
“Oi, watch it Deatheater,” Jake says. James looks at his friend in horror at the use of that word, directed at the angel no less. “Hey look everybody! It’s Voldemort’s son.” Jake continues. At that everything inside of James freezes. He knows who the boy is now.
Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy. Son of Draco Malfoy. Oh Merlin. James had heard the rumours. Of course he had. Everybody in his family knew about it. About the boy that was rumoured to be Voldemort’s son. Son of his father’s enemy in every way and a Slytherin. James was gonna be sick.
“Leave him alone you nincompoop!” another voice joins the chaos. It’s James’ little brother Albus, “Come on Scorp, don’t waste your time over such ridiculous people like my brother and his stupid friends.” His brother’s fierce green eyes meet his in a look filled with rage before he helps his friend up dragging him away from the crowd that had formed at the commotion. The storm-filled eyes James had been obsessed with meet him for a moment, before they disappear behind the corner, taking James’ soul with them.
The conversation that happens that night in his dorm room is not a pretty one. It is filled with poisonous words from his friends directed towards the Slytherin kids, one specific boy in particular. “-yeah he is a monster. Merlin Jamie, I can’t believe your brother is friends with him. Must be horrible for you to have such a traitor as a brother.”
James says nothing.
“I heard he used an unforgivable curse for the first time when he was 7. Isn’t that scary, that we have to go to school with him? He should be locked into Azkaban if you ask me, along with his whole deatheater family” “Yeah, thank Merlin you aren’t like your brother Jamie!”
“-I’ve got to go…eh promised Liana I’d meet her outside!” James says as he quickly exits the room. Whistles and good luck wishes follow him outside. James runs, through the corridors, waking angry portraits but he doesn’t care. He runs all the way to the library and once safely hidden in the nook under the last shelf he- well he doesn’t know what it is, but it happened before during Christmas break at the camping site. It’s were his breathing stops working. Where it feels like he is drowning in his own fear.
It takes a long time for James to make it back to his bed that night.
James regrets kissing Liana.He regrets it so much.
The moment he steps onto the train back to Hogwarts after the holidays, the girl latches onto his arm and doesn’t. let. go. She stays with him the entire ride, calling him JiJi, telling him about her Christmas. “ Why didn’t you write to me? I waited all break for a letter from you and it never came!” she says with a pout. “Anyway did I tell you about the important dinner I went on-“
“You did” James deadpanned “Three times:” Liana looks at him, taken aback. “Oh well, won’t hurt to do it another time!” James can only sigh. He survives one week with Liana, before calling it quits. She cries as he tells her that maybe they shouldn’t stay together.
And ‘no Liana, I don’t think we should stay friends’.
‘Yes, I’m sure’.
‘No, I’m not doing this as part of a prank’.
‘Yes, I’m sure’.
Soon enough the entire castle is talking about it. James hates it. He has always hated it. The whispers, the following eyes always there. James Sirius Potter. The firstborn. Named after two of the bravest Gryffindors, biggest troublemakers and flirts the world had ever seen. Son of the ‘Boy who lived’. James hates it. His name. His legacy.
Potter ; Always the bravest.
James is nothing like that. He is quiet, observing and hates the spotlight. So different from the men he is named after.
He will never tell anyone, but the day he gets sorted into his house, the Sorting Hat doesn’t think Gryffindor is a good fit. Hufflepuff for his romantic, loyal heart. A chance to feel your emotions fully it says. Or Ravenclaw for all that creativity hiding under the surface, lots of potential there for greatness it also offers. Not Slytherin, not an ambitious soul this one it thinks to James’ relief Gryffindor also not quite right. Brave for sure, though still very insicure. Not fierce enough to be a lion. Cold dread washes over James at those words.
Please he begs you said I’m not brave enough yet. I can grow into that bravery.
Now boy, I am not cruel and I can feel your fear, but should you not find your courage you will go under in the house of the lion. You will drown. Everyone’s courage stems from something, something that is worth being brave for. Find what is that thing for you.
James promises, swear to find what is worth being brave for.