lux in teberius

They ate in silence, Harry didn’t look up once. Scared of what he might find.

~

Harry was walking to the Library after breakfast when Lupin found him.

“Ah Harry!” He walked a little faster to catch up to the boy. “How are you today?” He spoke with a warm smile tugging on his lips.

“Hello Professor,” Harry slowed down, matching his pace. “I’m doing well thank you! Are you doing any better?” Harry asked, remembering that his professor was replaced by Snape for some time.

Remus stopped in his tracks, fumbling over his own feet for a brief moment before, “I’m sorry?” he said once he found himself again. Though his hesitation made Harry stop walking.

“You were off ill Professor. At least that’s what Professor Snape said.” Harry eyed the man cautiously, wondering what made him react that way. Remus let out a steadying breath as he started walking again, Harry in tow.

“Ah yes that- Not to worry Harry, I am doing much better.” He stated as they turned the corner towards the defence room. “In fact, I was wondering if you were okay to start those lessons we had talked about.” He looked at Harry incredulously, who smiled something sideways back at him.

“Yes! Definitely.” He was excited to learn a new spell but most importantly, he was excited to stop hearing the screams of his dying mother. Harry had a lot of dark memories and he wasn’t about to let the dementors make him listen to them all one by one as they sucked out his soul.

Remus opens the door when they get there, They walk into the open space and Harry takes in his surroundings. It was much different from the last professors, but Professor Lupin had decorated the place with books and plants. The door being closed and locked behind them, the professor stepped next to Harry, a tentative hand on his shoulder as he half spun the boy to face him.

“Are you quite sure about this Harry?” He started calmly, “This is very advance magic, Well beyond the ordinary wizarding level.”

Harry could feel his magic running through his veins, the electricity of it all like the lightning down his face and the emerald shook beneath his skin. He locked eyes with Lupin. “I’m sure sir.” The determination heavy in his eyes.

“Well very good!” Lupis exhales a soft chuckle, “Because everything is already set up.” Then he starts to walk around the room, teaching the boy about the charm.

“The spell I am going to teach you is the patronus charm,” He spins to look at Harry who shook his head minutely. “No? Well, A patronus is a positive force for the wizard who can conjure one, It works like a shield, having the dementor feed on it instead of him. But-“ He moves over to the large chest on the edge of the room, “in order for it to work, you must think of a memory, not just any memory, a very happy memory, a very powerful memory.”

Harry frowns at that, He doesn’t know what to make of it. Sure Harry has been happy but, it must mean something if he doesn’t have a specific memory to call on.

“Can you do this?” Lupins familial smile had returned, drawing Harry’s attention back to him and taking in the look on his face. Harry nods anyway. “Yes? Very well.”

Lupin has Harry close his eyes and has him scan his brain for a happy memory, it took a moment for him to find something. The memory he landed on was one he whipped from thin air but it would have to do. When he rode a broom for the first time he felt genuine uncomplicated happiness, he wasn’t happy because he’d lived through a traumatic experience or because he won the house cup due to dumbledores favouritism and living through a traumatic experience. Just uncomplicated, raw happiness.

“Once you have that emotion, let it fill you up and surround you.” Harry could hear the professor behind him now, “Lose yourself within it,” A hand on Harry’s shoulder, “Then speak the incantation – Expecto Patronum.”

“Expecto Patronum,” Harry repeated.

“Very good.” Harry opens his eyes and watches as Professor Lupin walks over to the box, standing just off to the side where his hands rested on the front to unlock it. “Shall we?” He smirked at Harry. “Wands at the ready!”

Harry braces himself and grabs his wand from its holder, The professor unlocks the chest and slowly moves around ready to intervene at a moments notice. There a dementor comes hovering out of the box and Harry points directly at it.

“Expecto Patronum!” He had tried, nothing happened and the dementor had gotten closer to the boy, “Expecto-! Expecto…” Harry had lost the happy memory and his wand faltered. The dementor now mere feet inches away from Harry, the fear over took – he didn’t want to hear his mother again.

That was the last thought Harry had before he passed out once more, this time to the sound of a man, “Lily, take Harry! indha kadhavai poottavum!”

Then he woke up, not on the floor like Harry had expected, but with his back against the wall and his head on his professors shoulder, he probably should’ve reacted more strongly to being so close to a professor but Harry couldn’t bring himself too care – not only would he have grown up with said professor but he also knows almost everything about Harrys situation. So harry takes an extra minute with his eyes closed, basking in the soft affection as Lupin waves his wand at something across the room.

Harry raises his head as he put a hand to his face, groaning a tad at the headache of passing out again.

“You alright there cub?” Remus asked quietly, Harry didn’t know what to say to that, opting to just accept the mug that floated in his direction, Hot chocolate.

Harry started to cry.

To say The professor freak out wouldn’t be a lie, however he kept it entirely internal as he  propped himself on his knees in front of Harry and put his hands on the boys shoulders, thinking the boy had heard Lily again he tenderly cradled Harry’s face in his scarred hands. The young wizard let out a shaky breath as he leaned into the unfamiliar comfort, his forest green eyes filled with tears highlighting his age.

“There, there cub, it’s okay, you’re okay.” He stayed there unmoving, every so often Remus would wipe a few of Harry’s tears, making them both chuckle when more would flow out anyway. Eventually he felt Harry sit up straighter and he slowly pulled his hands away.

“It wasn’t mum this time.” Harry avoided eye contact with the man in front of him, willing his eyes to not swell up in tears again though his throat felt dry as he swallowed the hot chocolate that had been reheated with a flick of Lupins wand.

“Harry, you can talk to me about it if you feel comfortable enough too, This is a judgement free zone.” He smiled, a look Harry would never get over seeing.

“It was my dad, sir.” He started cautiously, if the professor wanted to stop the conversation then now was his chance. He didn’t, in fact he tilted his head and waited for the boy to continue. “He wasn’t screaming like my mum,” Harry continued, “He yelled for her to take me and run somewhere, then said a spell I didn’t recognise, it definitely wasn’t in Latin.”

The professors eyebrows rose up, “Harry..” The younger boy finally looked at him, “do you remember what James had said?”

“Uh, yeah- indha kadhavai poottavum I think, I used the same spell I believe after… aunt Marge?” Harry watched as the professors eyes lit up.

“Harry! You speak Tamil?” The sparkle in his eyes did nothing to outshine the grin on Lupins face.

“T-Tamil? No Professor, I don’t even know what that is.” Remus’ face fell as a horrible realisation swept over him, sending shivers down his spine.

“Cub do you know where your father is from?” He was being careful with his wording, worried that if he was correct in this theory, he might know exactly where Harry had been staying these past 12 years.

“En..” He hesitated at the mans look, “England?”

The silence fell over the room, Remus didn’t know how to deal with this situation. Nightmares, crying children and dementors he could deal with. This was not something he equipped for. He needed to change the subject, this was not the appropriate time for Harry’s world to be shattered around him.

The smile Remus had on what not his own and Harry could see it. He could see it in the ways his professors eyes dulled as he and Harry tried a few more times with the patronus charm, no dementors this time however, just trying to conjure a happy enough memory that a spark would fly.

Harry got it eventually, that spark. Remus being so proud of him that his smile returned to normal as he praised Harry and decided that class should be done there for the day. Harry didn’t tell him that the ‘memory’ he had chosen was one he had made up, the idea of being happy with his parents, them laughing and just being with him. Remus didn’t need to know that Harry didn’t have a memory strong enough.

~

Remus was pacing his office after Harry left. All he could think about was the boy, the idea that he had been placed with Lily’s horrible sister, that she and her family had done everything they could to remove Harry from who he was. From who his parents were. The thought had Remus reeling. He could’ve paced forever when Severus came knocking, Remus didn’t check who was at the door before grabbing his wand and swinging it open, far to angrily had it been a student. Instead, there stood Severus, concern written over his features for a moment as he steps into the office and closes the door, a vile in hand.

“Lupin?” His voice called once he had set up a few privacy charms. He hadn’t seen the man like this since, well, since the prank.

The professor finally looked up at who had come into his office, the tension in his body almost releasing instantly. He ran up to Severus, “Hey- I’m sorry you had to see that, What can I do you for?” He asked, trying his best to smile for the man.

Severus, despite telling himself over and over that he shouldn’t do this again, placed the vile down on the nearest surface. He took a long look at the man who was far more dishevelled then his usual state. “Wolfsbane.” He stated quietly as Remus just nodded silent, “Lupin. What happened?”

The wolf looked up at that, was he really that obvious? No, of course Severus could tell.

“Se-“ He stops himself, “Snape. Harry doesn’t know he’s Indian.” The wolf is looking at the floor, the air thick with the silence of realisation.

“What?”

So Remus recaps the story, pacing once more has he rambles about how Harry had said he was just English, then about his theory that Harry might be living with Lily’s sister and her family. Severus knew that girl from the past, he knew just as well as Lily herself would that Petunia would do everything to shun Harry from his heritage.

The pair stood in silence once Remus had finished his story, tension filled the room as they contemplated what to do. Then Severus had an idea.

“I could… make hints to it,” he started slowly, watching Remus look up him the distraught clear in his face, “Mention something about his father only being competent at Indian spells..” Severus might not like the boy, but no one deserved to not know where they come from, especially someone who grew up without the ones who should’ve taught them about it. “Nothing, extreme. Just enough to make him notice.”

Remus could’ve melted, He thinks he might have. This is his Severus, not the mask he wears every day, not the part he plays but him.

“Thank you Severus.” He held back his tears well enough but his voice cracked, betraying him.

Remus wondered for a moment if Severus would see himself out, the man never usually comes to Remus’ office, so he can’t imagine him wanting to stay for very long. So Remus walked over to his little hot chocolate station, and started making a fresh batch. When Severus didn’t leave, Remus grabbed two cups instead of one.

He wouldn’t call the silence between them awkward, not when it was so easy to fall into place with the man sat in front of his desk.

“So,” Severus started the conversation, “Potter has been staying with Petunia…”  

Remus looked at him, hot chocolate brought down from his mouth as he nodded. That was his guess anyway, he didn’t know who ‘Aunt Marge’ is apart from the fact that she is muggle. They should’ve put the pieces together sooner.

“I know Lily would never allow that,” Remus returned eventually, “I think.. the will they made after Harry was born during the war had mentioned something about it.” He was there when they wrote it. He was there when Dumbledore had made them cross his name off.

They talked far into the night, eventually getting off the topic of Harry instead talking about the dementors and how close they had been getting to the castle, they’d talk about how the wolfsbane was working for Remus and how Poppy had Severus running rampant in making potions for her.