where are you (my lion)?

Harry entered through the familiar cavernous double doors of Hogwarts with a feeling of nostalgia, as well as foreboding. The corridors were deserted except for a few smattering of students milling about, chatting amongst each other and Harry already felt his nerves settle slightly at the sight.

He moved quickly and quietly so as to not be detected lest someone notify McGonagall of his arrival. He would have liked to use a disillusionment charm but ever since the war, those sorts of charms were immediately removed for any guests once they stepped onto school grounds, for safety purposes, of course.

Harry couldn’t help but extend a hand out and run his fingers against the warm stone walls. It was nice to see Hogwarts repaired after the havoc the war caused. Some areas of the school were still blocked off, requiring extensive repair, but the main facilities were up and running due to the tireless efforts of all the staff and volunteers.

Hogwarts was Harry’s first true home and so he couldn’t help but feel that the warm energy he felt along the stones was Hogwarts’ way of welcoming him back.

Would he always feel like this, even if he became a professor? Would Hogwarts ever lose its sense of wonder and magic that had captivated Harry when he was just eleven years old? He sincerely hoped not.

A few turns, twists, and staircases later, he ended up in front of the phoenix statue that would turn and let him up into the headmasters office.

This is where things could get tricky as there were multiple possibilities.

One is that McGonagall was already in there and in that case, he’d have to come up with a reason for even being here and then a way to get her to leave him alone with Dumbledore for just a few moments so he could tell him what to do. On the other hand, she might be out and this would all go smoothly. A third option, arguably the worst, is that she would catch him inside the office mid-plan.

Normally, he would love to see McGonagall but he knew how vehemently she disagreed with the idea and she would likely ban Dumbledore from telling him what to do and tell Lily and James what had happened.

Harry turned around and decided to take a cursory glance around the school and if he saw McGonagall, he'd know he was safe and make his way back, plus Hogwarts was always beautiful in the summertime.

There were more students here during the summer than one would normally see but it was likely due to how many of them had been orphaned or lost family during the war. That sad fact was contrasted by the fact that many of the groups Harry had seen together were students of all different ages and houses.

Gryffindors and Ravenclaws would be laughing in groups together while Hufflepuffs and Slytherins would be playing a game of Gobstones in the courtyard. Those that wore their uniform didn’t allow the colour of their tie to dictate who they hung out with and the atmosphere seemed lighter for it.

It was when Harry idly walked past the Hospital Wing that he finally spotted the headmistress. He had just glanced up quickly through the circular windows in the door when he spotted her familiar pointed hat and when he took a closer look, he saw that she was talking to Madam Pomfrey.

The two were standing quite close together and were looking down at something that Harry couldn’t see. When he stepped closer to the glass, he saw that they were holding hands and he watched in shock as their faces slowly got closer until he ducked, not needing to see that.

While still reeling from that particular discovery, he internally cheered at knowing she was otherwise occupied and made a mad dash back to her office.

The password was simple, Hogwarts, and once the phoenix had turned up fully, he jumped off the steps and into the office.

Dumbledore wasn’t in his portrait and Harry cursed as he began studying all the others that were hung in various spots around the room. He scanned various images of scenery, of probably famous but long-dead people, and some still portraits until he finally spotted him.

He was in a painting that depicted a woman playing with her son by a river bend. She was standing on the shore watching her son play in the water while her dress flowed in the breeze. Her son was jumping up and down in the water, waving erratically to his mother who waved back before dunking himself back under the smooth waves.

The image seemed like an endless loop, like they were content to just experience that moment for all of eternity and Dumbledore was standing just behind them, watching the events unfold serenely.

Harry marched up to it and the woman and son froze at his sudden intrusion on their moment.

“Hi, er, sorry, Sir I really need to talk to you, preferably in your portrait,” Harry rushed and with a tip of his head, he tracked Albus through various portraits until he finally landed back in his own one.

“How lovely it is to see you again,” Dumbledore greeted from his chair.

“Sir, I don’t know how much time I’ll have so I’ll make it quick. I need you to tell me where your device is, I’ve decided to do it- to go back and save Sirius,” he said, already taking a step forward, ready to pounce in any direction.

“You seem to be in distress, what is the problem?” Dumbledore questioned much to Harry’s annoyance.

“Can we walk and talk please?” he begged.

“You may find it in my cupboard. There is a false bottom in it but you’ll find the tab in the top right corner, pull that, take the board out, and it shall be in there,” he instructed easily and Harry went straight for it.

“There’s not much to explain except, I sort of made this decision on my own, I’ve talked to my parents about it and they’ve pretty much agreed to it but I have made my mind. I knew McGonagall wouldn’t let me take the device without a fight so I came up while she was in the Hospital Wing” Harry explained while pulling apart the cabinet, hoping Dumbledore wouldn’t catch on to his small lie.

He reached in and wrapped his hands around the device. James described it as a necklace but there wasn’t a chain attached to this one, just a small golden sphere with a diamond inlaid in the centre. It was relatively small, just large enough for the palm of his hand. 

It was hard to believe something so small contained so much power.

“I do hope you are not making this decision in haste Harry,” the wizened man in the portrait commented though it seemed more for show than anything else.

“Maybe but when has that ever made a difference,” he mumbled, standing up again. “So what exactly do I do with this then?”

Dumbledore eyed him for a moment, scanning him with an unknown expression before sighing and continuing, “Well, you will also require a time turner to get you there first as this device is intended for future travels. Time turners are very dangerous, especially with how far back you are intending to go. I have one under the floorboard two paces to the right of Fawkes’ perch.”

He really knew how to keep his secrets.

Harry went up to Fawkes, then took two medium sized paces to the right. When he looked down, the wood seemed to match the rest but when he crouched down closer, he saw that the edges of one floorboard were a bit scuffed and pronounced and he used his wand to draw it out.

Within, there was a time turner. It was quite small, diamond in shape, with a yellow gemstone in the centre and various engravings of flora encasing it. This one did have a chain and Harry yanked it up and held it in his free hand.

“Now Harry, you must pay very close attention and follow my directions exactly. While I cannot guarantee this plan is foolproof, it should be exactly what you need to do in an ideal situation.”

Harry couldn’t sit down but he stood in front of Dumbledore intently, ready to commit everything he said to memory. He felt strangely calm as a sense of responsibility washed over him. He needed to do this right because there was only one chance for success.

There was only one other time in his life when he felt like this- the moment before he jumped out of Hagrid’s arms and aimed for Voldemort, ready to end the war.

“This is where the measurements are a bit unclear and the possibility of danger goes up. Ideally, you will give the time turner a good spin, land wherever you do, assess your health, and then go again, until you are at your desired point in time. Do not spend too long in any single time period and gradually decrease how many spins you make lest you end up too far behind and are forced to wait it out and or use the device to travel to the future.”

Dumbledore spoke with such cool confidence, never stuttering or stopping to think, and Harry wondered just how much thought he had given to the topic. He’d never tried the devices out for himself, he admitted, but he imagined he must have been ruminating on this idea for a very long time.

At Harry’s nod of understanding, he continued, “Then, you will get to the Ministry and join the others as the events unfold in real time. Under no circumstances will you reveal yourself or join the fight, all must proceed exactly as planned. You will step up at a millisecond before Sirius is shot, grab onto him, and you will be sent forward in time. Again, ideally, to the present day which does seem highly likely.”

Overall, t’s not really too complicated, Harry thought positively to himself. The only problem was that everything was up to chance but besides that, he’d just get to take a trip down memory lane and get his godfather back.

All in a day’s work in the life of Harry Potter.

“Right, okay, I can do that. But erm sir, you really can’t tell Professor McGonagall or my parents or anyone else that comes by, please. They could put this all at risk” Harry implored Dumbledore.

“I swear to you that I will not expose your plans to anyone” he answered honestly, holding a hand over his heart and Harry would just have to accept that as enough.

When Harry turned and saw Snape, he groaned internally. It was really quite inconvenient to have both of them around, both notoriously good liars and both notoriously disloyal.

“Professor, please?” was all Harry said.

Harry thought he saw him nod but he couldn’t be so sure when Snape just closed his eyes again. He would take that as a win.

Suddenly the creaking noise of the phoenix statue reached them and Harry lunged towards the floo there. He grabbed the powder, threw it in, whispered his desired location, and was gone in a flash.

_______

“Albus, why is my hearth smoking?” McGonagall tutted, rushing forward. “And why is my floo powder all over the floor?”

“Ah yes well Fawkes was getting a bit restless, he took a fly around and knocked right into the jar of powder. When he fell, a few sparks dispelled from his wings but he’s quite all right now,” Dumbledore answered easily.

As McGonogall vanished the mess and went over to check on Fawkes, he shared a look with Snape who acknowledged the lie and let it pass silently.

_______

The days were ticking by but Harry had yet to bring up the topic again or make a move and it was grating on him.

There were so many deadlines that were fast approaching but he couldn’t even stop to think about any of them because they were all riding on this mission and whether or not he actually survived it.

So, tired of the waiting, when his parents called him down when the tea, or rather, chai, was ready, he stuffed both devices in his pockets and resolved that there was no time like the present. 

“So, I think we should talk about it again,” he announced decisively, standing across the counter from their seats where his mug was waiting. He took a sip of it while waiting for their response but couldn’t focus enough on it to savour the taste.

James took a long sip before setting his mug down, “Okay let’s talk.”

Harry could see the way Lily tensed but ploughed forward, “My stance is still the same, I want to do it and I want you two to support me in my decision to do so.”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit…questionable to be playing Death like this? I mean we have no idea what the repercussions are,” James questioned.

“I’m looking at the repercussions and they seem pretty good to me,” Harry said, looking both of them in the eye with a smile.

Lily finally lowered her mug, “Honestly Harry, I still don’t support it and I don’t think I ever will. As your mother, I cannot in good conscience let you go off on some mission like you’re going out to buy groceries.”

“Lils, I think-”

“No James. I know you want to see Sirius again, as do I, of course I do but seeing Harry like this, just reminds me of you before all of your missions during the war when I didn’t know if you’d come back again. I can’t go through that again.”

“But I’m not going to war” Harry clarified.

“Really? Because I saw the paper- that was full on war with Voldemort,” she pointed out.

James had gone silent for a moment, thinking, but then spoke up again, “Maybe we could talk to Dumbledore again. I see that this means a lot to you Harry but I still can’t guarantee anything because I do agree with your mum.”

Harry cheerfully pulled the time turner and the device out of his pockets and held them up in either hand, “I kind of already spoke to him. He told me everything I’d have to do.”

James and Lily’s jaws dropped.

“When did you get those?” James questioned, standing up.

“I went back a couple days ago,” he mumbled, suddenly less excited as he saw the look on his parents’ faces.

“Harry, you have to give those back. Now,” Lily commanded.

“Please just let me explain it’s not complicated,” he rushed but Lily was already standing up to leave.

James put a hand out, “Here let me see them.”

Harry felt a panic rise in him. He felt like if he gave James the device, he’d take it and give it back to McGonagall or return it and he’d lose his chance. He slowly walked backwards, away from James, until his back hit the counter with a thump.

“No,” he stuttered out, curling his hands inward.

“Haris, give them to me, you’re not thinking rationally right now” James said placatingly.

“I’m being perfectly rational, you two are the ones in the wrong” he shot out much like a cornered animal.

He stared at his parents who were staring at him like he was the crazy one.

When James wrapped his hand around Harry’s, he jerked back and dropped the time turner. 

This was the first time he wasn’t grateful for his Seeker skills because he quickly ducked from James and grabbed the time turner again with his other hand just a moment before it hit the ground. 

That was all the time it took for Harry to look up into the shocked faces of James and Lily before he felt a pull at his core and he was gone. 

He had the distant sense that he was screaming as he was thrown back in time with nothing to hold on to, nothing to tether himself, as he disappeared into the abyss.

________

Lily shrieked.

“No no this can’t be happening,” James stammered in a panic. 

“James! Where the hell is he?” she shouted, stepping up to him, staring at the spot as if Harry would just magically reappear.

James couldn’t believe this was happening again. The familiar panic from when they had first woken up in this time was back in full force except this time he actually saw Harry’s expression the exact second it occurred, the way his eyes rounded and his jaw fell open. He heard Harry’s scream for a moment before it disappeared and he felt like the noise was echoing in his skull, a reminder of Harry’s fear and panic.

“The time turner, it was the bloody time turner, oh my gods,” James rambled, clutching at his hair and pacing back and forth.

“We need to go to McGonagallnow!” she ordered James.

“What’s she going to do?” James asked her incredulously.

“I don’t know but we can’t just sit here with our thumbs up our arses while our boy is god knows where, completely unprepared!”

A quick glance at the clock told him it was dinner time at Hogwarts and knowing how McGonagall probably wouldn’t love the intrusion, he decided on, “We’ll go in the morning.”

She looked like she wanted to argue but she just nodded shakily and hey both just sat back on their stools in silence, thinking about what had happened and ruminating on what they could possibly do next. James couldn’t help but feel incredibly guilty about the whole thing.

He knew how Harry felt about this, how antsy he was, and James was closing in on him. Harry was so similar to him that it scared him sometimes because he knew he would’ve reacted similarly, gone to Hogwarts secretly, figured out a whole plan, and acted brashly, all because there was a chance to save someone.

The silence grew oppressive as the sky darkened and the portraits all fell asleep, oblivious to James and Lily’s terror. It was as if life was put on pause as they waited and waited for the day to pass, unable to possibly move without Harry.

Life started again when Draco stepped into the room, “And yet again, Harry forgot our date, quite frankly, I don’t even know why I try anymore.”

His tone was humorous but his smile slipped when he noticed their lack of response and he walked up to Lily quickly, “Hey are you both okay? What happened?”

She turned wet eyes onto him, “He’s gone.”

“Who’s gone?” he asked, confused.

“Harry…he’s gone,” she ground out hoarsely.

Draco looked to James in his confusion, hoping for a greater explanation than the one Lily had offered.

James told Draco what Dumbledore had told them, what plan they had come up with and their fervent disapproval, “...When I went to grab the time turner from him, he dropped it and caught it before it broke but he must’ve spun it because the next second he was just…gone.”

Draco was on the verge of an aneurysm so James stood up and offered him his seat instead.

“He always does stupid shite like this. After Hogwarts he said he was done playing the hero, I made him promise during Auror training that he wouldn’t risk his big head trying to save the world and he promised me. Now he does this, without even telling me,” Draco ranted, all previous composure lost.

Since the moment James met Draco, all he saw was Regulus. It was apparent that he also broke down like Regulus as well. 

Sirius was never good at composure, he always walked with a certain swagger and dressed like a muggle as often he could, he was always as loud as he could possibly be. Regulus, on the other hand, held himself high, walked with a straight back and raised chin, his appearance was always crisp and clean, all strong edges. When he broke down, he was transformed- rugged and worn out, stressed and pulled thin. That was what Draco looked like right now without Harry and it made his heart break.

James just rested a hand on Lily’s shoulder and she raised her hand to put on top of his, “Hey, we’ll get him back.”

She looked up and nodded at him and James desperately hoped it was true because he wasn’t so sure it would be.

_______

Harry abruptly stopped screaming when he was slammed onto the ground. He didn’t arrive smoothly like he did with Hermione when they time travelled, likely due to the chaotic way in which he left.

As his senses slowly returned to him, he crooked open a single eye and saw a clear blue sky through cracked lenses. The ground under him was soft and the air was warm and when he sat up, he realised he was on the Quidditch pitch at Hogwarts.

He raised a hand up to his glasses but his arm screamed at him and he thought he must have broken it in his fall. His wrist was swollen and red and it was sore to the touch but Harry’s head was spinning too much to even take stock of the rest of his body.

He was beginning to understand what Dumbledore meant about taking time between each time jump though he didn’t understand how he had even gotten here. One minute he was talking about this with his parents and then it was just…nothingness. He didn’t even realise he had spun the timer until it was too late.

He was going to end up doing the plan sooner or later, it seemed the universe decided on ‘sooner.’

The pitch was blissfully empty but he could see students milling about the grounds in the distance and he tried to figure out where to go from here. He wasn’t sure how far back he’d even gone and he desperately hoped he hadn’t gone too far back.

He stood on shaky legs and quickly transfigured his clothes into Hogwarts robes before slowly making his way back to the castle.

He passed by some students but they didn’t pay him any mind which he took as a good sign as no one was shocked to see an adult Harry. He must be somewhere in his later half of Hogwarts then.

He needed to get his wrist fixed by Madam Pomfrey, he’d likely vanish the bones in his arm if he tried to do it himself in this state. This shouldn’t cause any problems, he just needed to know where the ‘other Harry’ was.

It was nice to walk in the halls of his former home as a sort-of student. He walked past Flitwick who smiled at him and waved back at Padma and Parvati who were chatting in the halls.

His first real scare happened when he turned the corner and ran right into Luna.

“Luna, hey! Sorry I didn’t see you there,” he rushed quickly, holding out an arm to keep her up.

She looked up at him dreamily before speaking, “Harry, it’s so nice to see you again so soon.”

“Yeah of course, hey I’ll see you again, I just need to go see someone,” he rushed quickly.

He was just about to step away before Luna held out a hand, stopping Harry, “You really should stay away from the Great Hall, you might run into yourself. Sixth year is certainly an exciting one.”

Harry gaped as he looked at her but she simply nodded and walked away. He thanked Merlin for Luna, and whatever special abilities she possessed, as he rushed to the hospital wing. 

The rest of his journey was uninterrupted and Madam Pomfrey was already tending to another student when he burst through the doors. He could feel his vision blurring and head spinning by the time he got there so he just stumbled to the nearest bed and collapsed.

“Mr. Potter, what’s the matter now?” she asked, already visually assessing him.

“I fell in the halls and I think I broke my wrist,” he complained. “I also hit my head,” he added, hoping she could prescribe a potion to help with the rest of his ailments.

“You kids really have no regard for your own safety” she hmphed before going to her wall of healing potions.

She cast a quick diagnostic spell on his head, read the results, and headed to her wall of potions to grab some. She brought back a vial that sloshed full of a bright blue potion that Harry knew tasted like a toad's left foot and he was already regretting his decision to come here.

“Just a bump, this should help,” she offered it to him and Harry grimaced.

“No one ever said healing was pretty, come on, open up,” she ordered, raising the potion and the instant Harry opened his mouth, she tipped the potion in. When he choked on it a bit, she gave him a good thunk to the back and he swallowed it.

“Right, now your arm. It’s just a small fracture that I can just Episkey. Bring it here,” she ordered again with brutal efficiency.

She steadied his arm with one hand and raised her wand with the other, “Episkey!” she cast and Harry heard the sure crack that signalled his bone was fixed.

“It might be a bit sore to the touch but no matter. You really ought to keep yourself safe Harry, these are scary times,” she soothed, resting a hand on his cheek for just a moment.

“Thank you Madam Pomfrey,” Harry said quickly, already feeling the potion take effect to clear his vision and steady his hands.

Her word of caution reminded Harry that it was definitely the latter half of the year then.

“I trust you can fix your glasses yourself?” she reminded him and Harry nodded quickly, doing so himself.

She nodded and headed back to her other patients and Harry left, intending to go back to the pitch and continue his journeys backwards through time. This really wasn’t so hard, he didn’t understand what all the fuss was about.

He actually felt quite confident as strode through the halls but the moment was cut short when he caught a flash of blond hair in the corner of his vision. He smiled at the familiar sight of Malfoy and almost wanted to turn around and take a quick jab at him for old times' sake but when he turned around, he saw that Draco had run into the girls’ restroom, slamming the door behind him, and suddenly the exact date had become clear to him- May 8th 1997.

He only had a moment to panic before he saw himself stomp down the hallway and barge into the bathroom. 

He didn’t know what he could do to stop the events that were about to unfold, or if he even could. He knew he shouldn’t mess with time but if he had a chance to save Malfoy from the pain, he should right?

In his indecision, the first explosion sounded from behind the broken door and Harry already knew that their duel had begun. 

Snape! Maybe he could run and get Snape to stop the duel before it actually happens? That wouldn’t technically change anything would it?

Harry rushed through the halls as dread pooled in his stomach. He never got over the guilt that he continued to harbour from this day. He still remembered the first time he saw Malfoy without his top on years later, the way the scars littered across his torso, some like small razor slices while others were large and jagged, stretching across his midsection.

Harry’s rapid steps echoed in the corridor and he almost ran straight into Snape, who was walking out of the Great Hall.

“What is the matter with you?” Snape chided angrily, straightening his black robes.

Harry could barely get a breath down, “Malfoy, it’s- he needs-.”

“What is it?” Snape asked, sounding more scared than angry now.

“Girls bathroom, second floor, there’s a duel. Sectumsempra!” he rushed out and Snape was already running past him up to where the sound of explosions could be heard.

As he stood there, amongst the throng of students, he realised that this was exactly how the timeline went…Harry had no idea how Snape knew that they were duelling, where they were, or what he had done. He just assumed Snape knew everything as he always did but it occurred to him now that this always happened. He was the one who told Snape, who in turn, showed up in the bathroom and saved Draco’s life.

Students were beginning to come out of the great hall now, following the sound of chaos and when he caught a glance of Ron and Hermione, he knew his luck, and time, was running out.

He had just made it out into an empty courtyard when he pulled out the time turner from his pocket, not wanting to spend any more time here than necessary. The warm air was starting to feel oppressive as he leaned back against the wall, catching his breath, trying to figure how many spins he should do now to get back to fifth year.

With a prayer, he spun the time turner slowly and this time, instead of a harsh push, he was gently being pulled through time like a fish on a line, ready to meet his captor.

_________

James, Lily, and Draco all stood anxiously in the centre of McGonagall’s office, waiting for her to return.

Draco, not able to stand still for too long, walked to the jar of lemon candies and began to compulsively eat one after the other, unable to stop himself.

Many candy wrappers later, she appeared in the entrance to her office.

“Oh, what a surprise it is to see you three here, how are you all?” she asked, quickly regaining her composure.

“I thought you were on our side?” Lily intoned sadly by way of greeting, feeling betrayed by the woman she trusted most to keep Harry safe.

“Whatever do you mean?” she inquired, needing clarification.

“Professor, I like to think you and I have some common traits, we’re both intelligent, decisive, and most importantly, want to keep Harry alive. It appears at some point, you’ve given the last point up,” Draco bit sharply.

“I’d like some clarification before I try to defend myself over what you believe I did,” McGonagall ordered.

“The plan to get Sirius back. He came up to us, time turner and the device already on his person, ready to go,” James informed her and by the look on her face, it quickly became clear that she had no idea what they were talking about.

They whipped around to the portrait of Dumbledore who was silently watching them all.

“Albus!” she said, an exclamation and an order.

“I admit, Harry did stop by to visit. Does that mean he’s left now?” he asked curiously.

“Yeah I’d say so. One minute he was standing with us in the kitchen, asking for permission but he accidentally spun the turner and he just disappeared, completely unprepared” James rushed out panically.

McGonagall looked about ready to set his portrait to flames but she just asked stiffly, “Is there anything we can do?”

“I believe all we can do is wait for him to return,” he advised calmly.

“But what if something happens to him, we’ll have no idea” Draco spoke weakly, crumpling slightly.

“Harry is a smart boy, we must put faith in him as we have always done in the past.”

All James could do was roll in his eyes at the ancient wizard before turning back to Lily and Draco, who were rapidly breaking down. Neither of them had slept or eaten since they found out last night.

James would have to stay strong for them, support them when they couldn’t cope on their own. He just desperately hoped Harry would come back soon because even he knew he wasn't strong enough to survive should something happen to his son.

They quickly went back home, feeling defeated, and they just looked at each other with pained eyes and sorrowful expressions, not knowing what to do without Harry to bind them all together.

A glance towards the kitchen showed Harry’s untouched mug, still sitting full on the countertop, waiting for its owner to take a sip. James had chosen the cheesy Gryffindor mug for Harry, so it would match with his, and he’d made it exactly how Harry had liked. It was sorrowful how emotional a simple mug of cold chai was making him feel.

‘Where are you my lion?’ was all James could think as he shut his eyes and wrapped his arms around the two people who loved Harry just as much as he did.